Making Enough of Me

I heard it said once that "It comes in threes." Our record seems to be spot on, if not above par with that statement. There has been something else going on at our house that we've kept private until now. I only speak of it now because we need your prayers. We would like it to stop at "threes" and not have any more cause for worry.

For quite a while now (even in the summer) we have noticed my husband's oh so beautiful Latin skin coloring has been off. He often appears yellow, almost like he has jaundice. For months he has been not able to sleep well, which we attributed to the long list of things he tried to cram into a 24 hour day. But in addition to that, he's had short breath and almost no energy when he does any type of workout. I have begged him to go to the doctor, but like most men who like to prove they can be tough at all times and in all things and in all places, he wouldn't go. Finally in January, and only after he failed two important air force fitness tests and couldn't get a handle on his breathing and running, he agreed to go to the doctor.

After a thorough exam and bronchial infection was correctly diagnosed, he was given a blood work sheet to get some labs done. But again, he kept putting it off. The doctor he met with said he should have a colonoscopy too but he didn't want to take a day off at his "awesome new job." So he waited and tucked the lab worksheet away in a corner.

As the deadline for his next fitness test came, and the "threat" from his commander that if he failed one more he would be out, he began to train more heavily. However, he just couldn't get his run time right. I was even running with him and beating him handedly.

This past weekend he was scheduled for another fitness test. "The" fitness test. I was running with him on Thursday night and he couldn't even do half a mile. He looked terrible. His color was awful. I told him the Mama Bear was growling inside of me and working its way out, and that we were going the next day to the doctor no matter what. I made an early morning appointment and the doctor was so wonderful and so thorough. He ordered more labs and wrote a letter saying that under no circumstances should my husband do the fitness test the next day. This in itself was the hugest blessing because let's get real... Losing his "dream job" and getting kicked out of the Air Force would have made my husband suicidal. We were really worried that his commander wouldn't accept a "civilian doctor's note" but they were so awesome and supportive about it. I cried all day Saturday because I was so relieved.

We got the blood results back on Tuesday and the Doctor was very shocked that my husband was even able to breathe or move. He wanted to admit him right away and start some blood transfusions. His red blood cell levels are 6.5 and the lowest men should be is 13. It was only after the doctor realized we had also scheduled a colonoscopy this week, did he calm down a bit. He said we could wait for the transfusions but under NO circumstance was he supposed to do anything physical. No flying, no exercise, no work, no nothing. Bed rest was ordered, but my husband was leery of obeying. (He actually let me mow the lawn for .25 seconds before he took over. Men!)

That evening we had some very kind friends and ward (church) leaders come and give my already heavy burdened husband a blessing. The words of the prayer comforted me and even helped my shoulders seem a little lighter.

Early tomorrow morning he goes in for the procedure and transfusions. In preparation, for the next 36 hours, he has to fast (a non spiritual kind) and the already not-feeling-so-good makes it that much harder. Throw in an all day job fair and a late afternoon 3 hour class, and its got the makings of a long, hard day for him. It hurts me to see him struggle. It pains me to see him like this. When we got the blood work back I actually laughed. Because honestly I couldn't cry anymore.


"And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.

'But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out:

'For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid." (Mark 6:45-50, Emphasis Added vs 48)

"There are times in our lives when we toil, rowing against the wind. We are trying to make progress and sometimes it seems that there are forces against us. There may be some great blessing that we deeply desire. There may be some trial we want deeply to be over. And it doesn't seem like we are making headway against the wind. We wonder if the Lord is listening."

'Now we need to understand something about our Father in Heaven, and that is that He is a fourth watch God. " (Michael Wilcox)

http://devotional.byuh.edu/node/332


It comes in threes. And on the fourth watch He comes.

I promised to share a miracle. We continue to see them, even despite the hardships that seem to preface their occurrence. I told myself that I needed to journal these experiences mainly because I believe this scripture with all my heart:

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

This has long been my mission statement as a wife and mother. It is my inner truth and I constantly try to remember it, especially as I write. I want my children to always know.


On our not so "Good Friday" when my husband was let go from his job, it just happened to be pay day. So we received that check plus they cut him a final check which included his vacation hours and the week he had just finished working . We took that money and decided to pay all our bills in advance for the whole month.

In addition to those bills, we also wrote out a sizable tithing check. We calculated that we owed tithing from those two checks he received, my babysitting income, and the tithing from his previous paycheck that had been accidentally left in my wallet the Sunday previous. When I wrote out the check, we kinda hummed and hawed and joked about how much we could use that money. But we both knew to Whom it rightfully belonged, and sealed the envelope. One of the first things we did when we got to church was to make sure we handed it in. I knew in my mind a blessing would come but wasn't sure how The Lord would make it work.

On the Tuesday following that Sunday, I opened our bank acct and found two very large deposits in our acct. I knew it had to be an error because we had no scheduled money coming in. I called the bank but the line was down and thus started the worry sweats that I am famous for. (I thought our account had been hacked.) Instead of pausing to recognize the possibility of the blessing I "knew" could be provided, I let my doubts and knowledge take over instead.

But as it would turn out, it was a bigger blessing than we could have dared hope for. The money was actually from my husbands tuition reimbursement from the Air Force that we have been waiting for almost A YEAR! And incidentally, we were told a month ago we probably wouldn't ever get it because of the sequester and military cutbacks that went into effect March 1st.

I relayed the following to my sisters that evening: "I can't believe it but in the same breath I CAN believe it. We said if we ever got this money we would use it to go on our Dream 10 year anniversary trip . And while we can't use it for that reason now, even still it is the most amazing blessing. I cannot stop crying. Our tithing check cleared this morning, too, just before the deposit was made. Coincidence? I think NOT."

I will end this post with the same words I used to end the email to them. "I just want you to know that I KNOW He is watching over us. This is why I can surrender my all to Him because He will make more of me than I ever could myself."

I have so much I want to say. My heart is full to overflowing. From a tithing miracle to military leave, to General Conference and that super amazing Elder Holland, it's been a whirlwind of adventures around here. My girlfriend said we are the perfect modern day soap opera. I said, "Yep, sounds about right. I am the voluptuous older woman chasing after a young hot Latino in a uniform."

That last sentence didn't exactly flow with the first few sentences, but lets just leave it at that and I will write about our miracle tomorrow.

He's making more of me in many ways, of that I am certain.