Life With 2 (+ 1) Redheads

Almost a year ago marked the beginning of what’s been a bittersweet journey.  I found out I was pregnant and immediately had nausea, sciatica, and every other symptom out of the books. I’m not a normally sick person, so the drama was not something I was used to complaining about.  But I was blessed just to be pregnant, and I tried to remind myself that throughout the nine months.  I failed a lot.

The moment I delivered Ryan, I thought to myself, “no more nausea, heartburn, and pelvic pressure!”  Well, those did go away but in their place came new obstacles.  I developed a rash in the hospital that led me to see my OBGYN twice before I convinced them it was not an allergic reaction;  It was PUPPS.  Ten weeks later, I still have a reoccurring rash that will not go away.  I’ve seen two different dermatologists. It develops like welts on my legs, arms, and behind.  It itches like hell and heat makes it worse.  I’ve been on 2 rounds of steroids (which have their own side effects), 3 topical creams, and 3 different antihistamines only to not yet know when it will go away.  It comes and goes as it wishes.  I’ve spent close to $250 trying to figure out what is wrong.   I’m sure stress is only making it worse. I am starting round 3 of prednisone this week.  I know it won’t cure it, but I can’t stand going to the beach looking and feeling like this.  At least it goes away temporarily.

Ryan got a cold at 6 weeks old that turned into an ear infection.  It should just be illegal for an infant that small to get sick.  We went through weeks and weeks of congestion, sneezing, and amoxicillin side effects. 

My local pharmacy has misunderstood or been confused by both of the prescriptions for Ryan (amoxicillin and Levilin) over the past 10 weeks causing significant delays in getting medicine. And most recently misunderstood my prescriptions. Unfortunately for my husband, I’ve blamed him for it by telling him over and over how much I despise the city we live in.   I really do.

I’ve lost countless nights of sleep being the only one who can feed Ryan in the middle of the night, console him, and try and get him back to sleep.  The past weekend was almost unbearable with the screaming.  Josh walked out once.  I followed his lead and did the same the next morning.   Please know that we understand that Ryan can’t help it, and it’s his form of communication.  However, there is only so much crying you can handle before you just have to take a breath and walk away. Half of the time it’s tummy issues.  The other half its being overtired.  I do have to say that yesterday was a MUCH better day!

I’ve semi-neglected my 4 year old because I’m home alone a lot with two kids at night, trying to console a fussy newborn while instructing Tyler to do something on his own.   Not to mention that my “easy going” child has hit another phase.  This same phase hit this time last year (like almost to the date).  It’s called the “don’t want to listen” and “think everything is silly” phase.  Not to mention he is SO loud lately!  Not good in a ranch style house where you can hear everything!

I’ve tried to do everything better than I did with Tyler.  I didn’t allow Ryan to sleep in the swing at nights.  I didn’t rock him to sleep or bounce him excessively to soothe him to sleep.  I read numerous sleep aid books and tried to put Ryan in the mold they have created and then was disappointed when he didn’t match up.  It’s hard not to compare him to Tyler at this age.  While Tyler was not a great sleeper, he was doing better than this at his age.  Is going by the books really worth it?

It’s a lot to take in knowing that this was my maternity leave. Not only that, but it’s my last one.   The leave I envisioned was just not the case.  And now I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.  One on hand, I’m very sad.  While I have had a stressful leave, I was still blessed to be at home and paid.  I have watched him grow daily.  He smiles more for me than anyone else.  I know him upside and down.  I know what makes him cranky, how to soothe him, the best way to settle his stomach, if he can make that extra half an hour before a feeding, etc.  And now I turn a percentage of that over to someone else during the day.  I almost think that if I had just a little more time, I’d figure this thing out.  I’m almost there.  I’ve almost got a schedule down and can juggle two kids on my own at night.  But time has run out for now. 

On the other hand, I have always been a woman who needs balance.  While my career is not #1, nor will it ever be, it still defines a part of me.  It makes me feel like a woman and not just a mom.  And while there are  plenty of incredible stay-at-home moms out there, I’m never going to be one of them.  And that’s ok by me.   I will have new stresses at work, new stresses at home, and I will learn to balance them out and realize what really matters. 

Even though this has been an incredibly stressful maternity leave, I at least had one.  We are only given as much as we can handle, and I know that while this might be at my threshold, I still survived.  I never once expected life with two kids and a husband who has hours like he does to be easy.  I never expected having a newborn to be easy either.  But despite all the bad, there have been a lot of great moments.  And I’m really glad I was around to witness them. 

It’s a bittersweet feeling to go back to work and hand Ryan off during the day.  But I did it with Tyler, and though I know I’m biased, I think he’s pretty awesome, and honestly I think I was a better mom because of it.  I’m not an Emmy-award-winning mom by an means.  But I’d say with what came at me, I got through it. I’m still getting through it.  What is a struggle now will only be replaced by a new one down the road.  For now, I’m just going to keep moving forward and watch my two redheads grow even more, surviving the chaos one day at a time.   It will pass, and I will soon wonder where the time went. 

Hopefully, the rash will find its way home soon. 

Hopefully, the meds will work for Ryan.

Hopefully, I’ll get my 4 year old back, and he won’t think I hate him. 

Hopefully, I’ll have sufficient brain power to not only go back to work but prove that I deserved a promotion. 

Until then…this is life with 2 3 redheads. 

Amen.

Well, the highlight of our weekend was this $9 slip and slide from Target.  Tyler loved it!  And it was perfect for our 101 temperature!! It’s a good thing since the rest of our weekend was not so fun.  But, I’ll get to that tomorrow…

Wow, what a morning.  I took Ryan to his appointment this morning ready and armed to tell the pediatrician how bad Ryan’s tummy has been.  I was ready to be his advocate, but if on cue, he let the bottom fall out as I was holding him.  Like seriously, the doctor couldn’t finish talking.  He took one look at his diaper and agreed that this was more of a GI issue.  So, he suggested a drug called Levilin that is used for intestinal cramping, bloating, and for colic babies.  He can’t guarantee that it will work, but I’m going to pray really hard that it does.  We can give it to him 4x a day 30-45 minutes before feedings.  I drove out of town with a screaming child past feeding time to get it filled because not a single pharmacy in our town carried it.  But then again, this doesn’t really surprise me…

Ryan got three shots and an oral vaccination for Rotavirus.  He, of course, cried but soon was consoled by his friend, the paci. 

His stats:

Weight:  11 lbs, 13 oz (50%)
Length:  23 3/8 inches (70%)

If you are curious, Tyler at 2 months weighed 10 lbs 15 oz and was 24 inches long. 

Ryan goes back at 4 months for his next well child check up. 

I forgot to mention that last week when we ran out of pull ups, Tyler said for the first time ever “Yay, now I can wear big boy underwear at night.”  I was a little surprised especially considering he still has a lot of accidents during the day because he just doesn’t take the time to go to the potty.  And, he rarely wakes up dry at night.  Josh convinced me to let him wear underwear that night.  I figured I was up anyway, so why not let him try.  Well, it’s been 2 weeks and he’s done really well!  He’s had 2 accidents which is better than I expected!   It’s nice to be done with pull ups once and for all!!!  It’s so funny that a year ago we were potty training.  This boy has a mind of his own with using the potty, that’s for sure!

Wow, this is going faster than I could imagine!  Here is where our little guy is:

• He is starting to coo, squeal, and “talk” especially during changing times.  Tyler loved our changing table too.  It’s higher than most, so it’s right at eye level.  This is where most of our conversations and smiles take place!
• Speaking of smiles, I get a lot on camera!  He might turn out to be photogenic like his big brother!
• On the sleep front, we aren’t making much progress yet.  He does one early 4 hr stretch followed by a hectic series of 3 hr stretches.  I say hectic because they are not easy sleeping stretches.  I’m not convinced he’s actually hungry. 
• We still have gassiness/discomfort issues.  OH, do we. 
• He still has not really slept in his crib much.  He’s still in our room.   I’d rather hear him next to me than over a monitor. 
• He was being swaddled at night and placed on his side, but he is now a tummy sleeper. 
• He loves attention.  I can’t leave the room for more than a minute without him screaming! 
• He loves to be held and sleep on daddy’s chest.
• We are still working on a schedule.  On “normal” days, it starts at 7am and he eats every 3 hrs.  He has 2 cat naps in the morning, a long afternoon nap, and then another little cat nap late afternoon.  He is usually in bed between 7 and 8pm.  But as I speak he is still sleeping from his morning “short” nap.  So, it definitely is not written in stone.
• He is alert more during the day but still has a hard time staying awake after some feedings. 
• He is very active and starting to kick his fist and use his arms more.  His hands are starting to stay open more than balled up in fists.  Thank God b/c he’s got lint in between his fingers!  lol!
• He’s out of newborn clothes and into 3-6 month clothes.
• He’s in size 1 diapers.
• He eats 4 oz of milk.
• He’s not a huge fan of baths but will tolerate them for a limited time until he gets cold. 
• His head control is getting very good.
• He loves looking outside. 
• He is building a tolerance to aspirators.  :)
• He does very well during car rides.
• He has become Tyler’s preschool class mascot (by default).
• Uses a pacifier but only on his terms.  If it’s not on his terms, he will give you a disgusted face. 
• He loves the swing but it’s been used on a limited basis this go round!
• He loves our morning walks.  Well, he sleeps through them…

His official 2 month dr visit is Thursday.  I’ll update his stats then! 

Today I have my fifth dermatology appointment, another $45 co pay, and another opinion about this reoccurring rash.  I finished my second round of steroids on Saturday, and yesterday it started to come back.

I’m drained. 

Today Ryan is 2 months old, and instead of posting a happy post about his accomplishments, all I really feel like saying is that I’m tired.  We’re all tired.   His tummy is so bothersome to him that it wakes him up at night.  He’s sleeping worse than ever.  We have not once made it past 4 hrs, and then we have a hard time getting him back down.  When he’s happy, he’s so happy.  But unfortunately, his gassiness is taking a toll on me.  I’ve tried Mylicon, gripe water, and now have just ordered Colic Calm.  There have been recent days and hours where I just want to quit nursing altogether. 

I’m drained.

I hope to have a more positive post in a few days, but until then I’m just trying to make it through the day and pray that I will get through this by next Wednesday when I return to work. 

Recently, I learned of sitemeter.com which tracks for FREE who visits your blog.  I was absolutely floored when I saw the details it gives me.  Not only does it tell me where the person lives, but it tells me what time they logged on, how long they were on my blog, who’s referring website or blog they came from, what pages on my blog they clicked on, what website they clicked on leaving my site, and a lot more that you might be surprised to know yourself!   What floored me even more is that I don’t know people living in some of these cities and states!  I’m not sure if I’m flattered or paranoid!  The site will also give me weekly reports detailing the most popular times my blog is visited, how many visits it receives each day, and yes even details such as your domain name, operating system, etc.  Trust me, I have no desire to know ALL  of this and rarely look at it.  What’s the most interesting to me is the location.  Here’s a taste of what I see:

Buffalo, New York
Durham, North Carolina
Orlando, Florida
Barnegat, New Jersey
Winston Salem, North Carolina
Baltimore, Maryland
Raleigh, North Carolina
Greensboro, North Carolina
Sacramento, California
Asheboro, North Carolina
Midlothian, Virginia
Thomasville, North Carolina
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Collingswood, New Jersey
Collettsville, North Carolina
Browns Summit, North Carolina
Palos Hills, Illinois
High Point, North Carolina
Lemon Springs, North Carolina (does this place exist?)
Winchester, New Hampshire
Calgary, Alberta (Hi Kerry!  My only Canadian friend!)
Wilson, North Carolina
West Decatur, Pennsylvania

  Ok, so there are times when he’s majorly wild.  But, I’ve really realized how easy going of a child I have in him.  Sure, he has meltdowns like all other kids.  But those are very far and few these days thanks to the new behavioral system we started HERE.

In fact, he has not missed receiving a quarter once!  Originally we told him that after he received $5 in quarters he could spend it at the dollar store.  However, we’ve convinced him to wait until we go to the beach in July to spend his hard earned money. 

There has not been ONE TIME that we have experienced jealousy with him over Ryan being here.  Not once.  And believe me, I have been no perfect mother.  So, in many ways he was justified.  He loves on Ryan, talks to him, and consoles him like a wonderful big brother.  Just another reason I love this age difference so far.  It’s working out perfectly. 

From early on, Tyler has been a self-sufficient kid.  He was always a child who I could trust.  He never got into cabinets or picked up things off the floor to put in his mouth.   He never made huge messes or “art projects” in my house.  He was “all boy” but yet controllable.

I guess where he got us was the sleep issues.  Yes, my child didn’t sleep through the night for a while.  And the poor child had sickness after sickness his first year.  But he always battled through it. 

For a redhead, I have a very non stereotypical redhead.  If that makes any sense.  I’d say considering he’s Josh’s clone, it’s a good thing he has my temperament.  :)

And yes, I promise this is Tyler.

At seven weeks postpartum, I just put on all of my of pre-pregnancy capris!  And I didn’t even have to lay down to zip them up :)

I’ve started walking 1.5 miles each morning before it gets hot, so I hope this will help get rid of the last 10 lbs I have plus start to tone up!  I definitely have a long way to go, but I’m miles ahead of where I was with Tyler at this point!

It's hard to think that six weeks have gone by of my maternity leave, and I only have four weeks left. Especially considering that every week that's gone by I've dealt with a nagging rash. Today I went to another dermatologist in Raleigh who thinks that it's just never gone away since my PUPPS in the beginning. She gave me a higher dose prescription of predinisone, a high strength topical steroid, and told me to take an antihistamine twice daily. I really liked her a lot. She seemed knowledgeable and very helpful. We both hope that by staying on a stronger steroid for a longer time period (12 days), it will completely get rid of the rash and tell my immune system to chill out! The itching is just unbearable. And the sight of my legs is hideous right now.

I get a little sad thinking about going back to work. While I miss most of my coworkers and welcome a pay raise and promotion, I will miss Ryan more. I think in many ways going back at 6 weeks with Tyler was easier. I checked my work email and have close to 1,000 emails waiting for me. I worry about pumping at work and making time for it. I would really like to continue to breastfeed Ryan. I'm shaking my head while typing that because I hated it so much with Tyler. I supplemented at 3 weeks and quit at 6 weeks. But it's going much easier this time for me. The first 6 weeks were the hardest (if I can even say that they were hard). I've had small goals. My first goal was to make it 6 weeks. Done. My next goal is 10 weeks (which brings me to the week I go to work). That's a big one, but I will only be at work a week before leaving for a week of vacation. The thought of pumping 2-3x a day at work seems really cumbersome, but it's free. I have nothing against formula feeding. Tyler is a smart and healthy kid. But I can't imagine how much money we spent in his first year. So, we'll see. I hope I can make time at work to do it. I'm also struggling with daycare options. I previously mentioned that Tyler's preschool is opening an infant class July 6. However, financially we really need to wait until both Josh's and my raises are fully in effect. So, we'd like to wait to enroll him Sept 1. We have a neighbor who keeps kids and would love to keep Ryan on Josh's work days (3 days one week and 2 days the next). She will keep him for cheap. I've struggled with how I feel just about that in general, but I'm also waiting to hear if his preschool will even hold our spot that long. If not, I'm not sure what we will do. Cancel cable? ;) Daycare is expensive! But we knew that. We just have to readjust our budget.

Continue thinking about Ryan. His cold is still here. He seems in better spirits, but I'm still nervous about the ear infection not clearing up with the Amox.

After Ryan battled through a cold for a week, I had that mommy instinct to take him to the doctor yesterday morning during their weekend hours rather than waiting until Monday which we had agreed on.  Mainly, I was concerned that his cold was not getting better and due to his age, and I wanted someone to just check him over.  We walked out with an ear infection :(  Apparently it’s not common for babies this young to get them, so boy are we about to go on a ear infection ride of a lifetime!  Ryan just really wants to follow his brother’s footsteps!  He has had a really rough week, and we just feel so bad for him.  We’ve had little sleep around here. Poor Josh is dealing with a lot of guilt since he brought the cold into the house.  Luckily, Ryan has not had a fever at all so far.  I take his temp about 3 times a day to make sure we don’t have larger problems!   The doctor said if we had waited until Monday, we would have likely ended up going to the hospital because he would have ended up with a fever in time.

The drama getting his amoxicillin prescription about sent me over the edge.  The doctor prescribed it and sent it to my local pharmacy.  When I went to pick it up, the pharmacist said that my insurance was refusing it because the dosage was too high for his weight.  I was very confused, so after three hours of battling with the on-call doctor and the pharmacist plus confirming with my mother in law, who is a pediatric nurse, it was confirmed that the dosage was right.  I had a serious meltdown.  I was overly tired and just wanted the medicine for Ryan so he could feel better.  It was very discouraging that no one seemed to know what was going on.  Finally, the drug store let us have the prescription and not go through insurance.  And, they gave it to us for next to nothing due to the inconvenience. What a pain!  We are three doses into the amoxicillin, and I hope we are turning a corner.  Amoxicillin never worked for Tyler, so I’m hoping it will be different for Ryan.  With him being so young, I can understand why they started with it.  Luckily, he has not had a decrease in appetite.  They took his weight at the doctor’s office, and he’s now up to 10 lbs 6 oz.  :)  That’s another lb in 2 weeks.  Please pray that we are on the mend.  I haven’t even had time to think about my cold!  ;)

But totally can’t forget the rash.  I go to another dermatologist on Tuesday and will refuse to leave until they treat it and diagnose it.  Momma ain’t playing around no more.

While his hands were once curled into tiny (and preciously pudgy) little fists, these days your 6-week-old baby is beginning to stretch out his fingers and test what they can do. At around six weeks, your baby is likely to find his fingers endlessly fascinating, and may spend a good chunk of time simply gazing at those magical appendages. (Hey, are these mine?) Or he might realize that sucking on a thumb (or a pinky or a pointer) is soothing — maybe even soothing enough to help him drift off to dreamland. If your little one turns out to be a thumb sucker, celebrate the fact that he's found a way to comfort himself on his own. (And pay no mind to busybodies who say it isn't good for him — at this age, it's perfectly fine.)

Also on your baby's handy agenda: getting a grip. Try putting something (like your finger or the handle of a rattle) in his palm and chances are he'll hold on — and keep on holding! He may even reach for an enticing object and try to bat at it or snatch it for his own. You can thank his ever-sharpening vision for this breakthrough — he can see better now so he's ready to try coordinating his eyes and his hands. Sure, he's got a ways to go before he smacks a ball out of the park, but when it comes to hand-eye skills, practice makes perfect (and his attempts are really cute, besides).

How can you give your little one a leg up on using his hands? For one thing, make sure he logs daily tummy time so he can get a little workout for those hands — and the arms they're attached to. (Remember: Back to sleep, tummy to play — while baby needs to be belly-down to build strength and motor skills, it's not a safe position for sleeping.) He'll likely keep his elbows tucked in now, and just lift his head enough to see the dust bunnies under the couch, but soon he'll be pushing up higher and higher until his arms are straight and he can look out into the wondrous world well beyond his blanket.

*from www.whattoexpect.com

The Good:

Josh and I briefly discussed getting a larger vehicle about a month ago. We test drove a Pathfinder and an Xterra, but I wasn't really impressed. So, we dropped it. The sales guy, however, never did. He'd call every once in a while and we'd remind him that we are perfectly happy with our Altima. Our car actually has a lot of room and a huge trunk. Well, yesterday, Josh got another call telling him that they need to make their numbers and will do anything to get us in a brand new Nissan Murano. We hadn't even looked at that SUV due to the price, so we were a little surprised. Josh was working, so I towed along Ryan to the dealership to test drive the car. If we got it, it had to be yesterday. Clearly, I haven't ever been involved in the car buying process to know that it takes a long time for paperwork to go through. So, the time passed and I realized that I was going to have to feed Ryan. He was actually not fussing and sleeping, but I still needed to feed him. So, what do I do? Nurse in the police station breakroom down the road. :) Ryan and I drove off in our new car and went straight to pick up big brother. I was home yesterday for a total of 1.5 hrs. Crazy!

The Bad:

Poor Ryan has a cold at 5 weeks old. Josh came home with one last week, and now Ryan has one. I'm pretty sure I'm getting one too. He's so congested, poor thing! There isn't much I can do for him other than saline spray and suctioning (which he hates!). Last night, I decided to make a sauna in the hall bath by turning the shower on hot and letting the steam fill up the bathroom. This worked like a charm and even got Ryan to fall asleep, however it also triggered the fire alarm.

At 2am.

Which was also connected to our security system.

Josh and I batted at the alarm trying to get the steam away when we heard the security woman over the intercom ask if a fire truck was needed. "No," we said. She asked for our password.

"Password?"

We had no clue. By the way, Taylor Nguyen, we must have decided when we set our alarm up to use your name.

We changed it ;)

After identifying ourselves, they deactivated the alarm. By some act of God, both boys slept through this!

The Ugly:

My poor body is rebelling. First PUPP and now...well, I don't know what it is, but it's an awful rash AGAIN on my legs, butt, and arms. I went to the dermatologist yesterday to have her tell me it was bug bites. Seriously? I've never seen bug bites all over like this, and WHERE did I get them? What kind of bugs? Gross! I'm so tired, annoyed, and over not having my body be normal. I'm tired of itching and seeing nasty red bumps on my legs. I am bleaching everything in my house today.

There you have it. In a nutshell.