Livin' Wells

Monday, July 14, 2014

First Stop - Cozumel!

Remember that one time I started a blog? Me either :)

Can I just say that we found out VERY quickly that ALL of the food on this cruise was amazing. Kase's favorite spot was the burger joint and the soft serve machines (we will get to that later...). We had an awesome balcony with a beautiful ocean view. It got a little scary when all you could see was water...and that if you happened to fall off or jump off that ship, it was over. You learn to be cautious on the balcony. The underwater world creeps me out a little - it's just SO big and there is so much about it that I don't know or understand. Okay anyway...

This was the one stop where we all planned an excursion together to see the Tulum Mayan Ruins here in the Yucatan Peninsula. It was pretty cool. We wanted to do Chichen Itza but it wasn't going to work out with the time we had. The only parts I really remember about it are that we believe part of the Book of Mormon took place here - some Lamanites lived here. It's crazy putting together facts from history and people in the Book of Mormon. Almost surreal to me. Oh, and the other part I remember was the tour guide singing "Tulum, Tulum..." along to the pink panther song. There was a reason for that but I don't even remember why, ha.

We waited at this spot for a little while while waiting for our tour guide. We walked through a little town of cool shops to stop here and chill. The tour guide was a little late, but that is to be expected in these countries, especially Mexico! Dad was not happy about it, hilarious. Let me first say that Dad and I are completely opposite when it comes to a few things - one being that he worries way too much and I probably don't worry enough. About safety, anyway. I do get kinda weird and worry about if my stuff is going to get stolen - but that's a different story.... Okay fine - this is my reasoning of why :)

*WARNING - long tangent in next section*

I'm the only one in my family that gets worried that my stuff is going to get stolen, and I think it's because I had things that were important to me and that I had saved for for awhile stolen from us out of our house when I was at a vulnerable age. Not really sure. But I have to hide my valuables whenever I leave them. I don't care it if's in a hotel perfectly safe, in my locked home, or anywhere. I'm getting a little better about it, but my experience with those thieves is that they just took whatever was mostly visible or easily accessible. There were plenty of other valuable things in our home that these juvenile teenagers could've taken, but they go for the easy stuff. Actually, our house only gotten broken into twice growing up. The backyard and cars got broken into more times than I can count. Really though. We have some funny stories about those - I think I let one guy into the backyard on accident (he seemed like such a nice homeless guy just digging through the trash....), my mom saw one guy ride away with 2 bikes (riding one while steering the other alongside him) in which my dad is still in amazement that she didn't do something about it, and then my dad has done his fair share of chasing robbers down allies to get items back, yelling, "YOU BETTER RUN, BECAUSE I'M COMING AFTER YOU!" On a side not, he almost always got them back in those situations :) Not to mention that I saw our edger get stolen right in front of my eyes, as I was about to cross the street to load it up into the truck. I waited for the car to pass before I crossed the street to grab it, but the car stopped, a guy hopped out and grabbed the edger, and they left. AS I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE WATCHING THEM. And after Blake and I find them (his phrase of, "FETCH NAH!" I will never forget, since his back was turned when they stole it and I had to yell at him to tell him what happened) we realize we can do nothing to these huge, muscular men, so we just call the cops and leave. The cops don't do anything about it. Just FYI. In fact, my dad told us to not report things stolen anymore because the insurance would keep finding out and would raise the premium. Haha.

Oh, and I seem to be forgetting about how many times the lawnmower got stolen just by leaving it out for 2 minutes (we just needed to get hydrated really quick!) and a car getting stolen from my dad RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES! The old, "I need a glass of water," trick before he was about to take their set of keys away while they went for a "test drive". Once again, him running through the dining room, seeing them take off through the dining room window yelling. "HEY, HEY!"is a memory I will also never forget. Hilarious. I will admit I was glad to see that car gone, until we found it again. Finding stolen vans in the parking lot of "Brother's Fried Chicken," with Jahmiel, and various other locations. Not sure how many times our cars actually got stolen - I lost count. We had a ghetto van that we started with a screwdriver, so my brother wrote a note and stuck it on the back saying. "Please steal me. The screwdriver under the seat starts the car." Baha. Clearly he wasn't a van fan :) That car got stolen plenty of times, without the help of the sign. Most things that were stolen (especially cars) we were able to find eventually. One time Bryce and I went driving around by fair park (not the best part of town - hence our looking for our lawn mower over there) and a policeman pulled us over, asking if we knew what part of town we were in, haha. We assured him we did, and he told us to be careful. It was broad daylight. Kinda weird. Seeing my boom box that had previously gotten stolen at the local pawn shop (the owner didn't seem to care when I told him it was mine that had been stolen...).

Oh the joys of growing up in East Dallas, 5 minutes from downtown :) Honestly the list goes on - and you think this is all totally normal growing up, right? The only thing really scary to me at the time was finding broken glass window in the car I was going to drive to seminary, being scared the robber was still hiding there to come get me. I did have some creepy guys watch me mow lawns sometimes (our way to make money for college). I told my dad that when the lawn mower and I both were stolen, then he'd be sorry he made me do it. :) Of course, I was always fine. The one guy who kept moving behind the tree as I would move was a little weird, but the one time I was a little freaked out as it was 2 Mexicans in a pick up truck on the side of the road, clearly watching me. And waiting....luckily my prayers were answered because a police man stopped on the side of the road and just watched them. That seriously was an answer to prayer, and I took the long way home so they wouldn't know where I lived. But that was about it - we honestly didn't even lock our house and stopped locking the cars so they wouldn't break the window but would just open the door. Those windows got expensive - more expensive than anything even in the car. We would get radios where the face would come off, but they would still take the half of the radio that remained in the car (without the face). I never understood that.

So anyway, of the 2 break-ins of our house (luckily no one was home during any of these), we were told that one sounded like a juvenile kid looking for anything to pawn for drug money. My mom thinks the other one was some guys who were doing repairs on my dad's Mercedes. When they said they needed more money to get the job done, my dad said no. They were supposed to stick with the quote. That happened plenty of times (we had guys that were repairing our sidewalk walk away from the job bc they underestimated their quote and my dad wouldn't give them more money for it). Anyway, my mom thinks they went into the house while were were gone and stole stuff that would make up the rest of the money that my dad didn't give them. And if that's the case, I should be billing my dad for all those hard-earned CD's! Those were some rough times without NSYNC :)

Just a little taste of EAST DALLAS (said holding up the gang symbol with the gang inflection in your voice - sounds more like EESS DALLUUUSSS) and a random picture of our fence that got graffitied. We thought it was cool. Then the neighborhood association told us we had to paint over it. Rude. :)There are perks and non-perks of growing up in a Historic District, I guess. We give awesome tours once a year. But apparently not everyone has to get approved by your neighborhood association the colors you can paint the outside of your home and where you can put your satellite dish? Huh. Fooled me for 20+ years.

Anyway, where I was going with that was the thinking of, "If I don't make my valuable items visible, they are less likely to get stolen" :) Sometimes I think that random but hidden places are the best. Everyone thinks to look in the underwear drawer, right? At least our 2 thieves did. But who thinks to look under the couch? Don't make one of my hiding place known, please :) So I'm weird in that way. But beyond that, Dad and I will have our differences if we ever vacation together :)

*Ok, tangent over*

I think I got started on that because as we were waiting I really wanted to go walk around. Kase advised me that I should probably just stay close. "Safety" or something - more for Dad's sake. Fine...

waiting...

So when the tour guide got there, he said, "Oh, you're early!" Dad said, "No, you're a half hour late!" The tour guide goes, "Not too bad, not too bad." Hilarious. That's just totally how the culture is. In Mexico, everything starts at least half an hour later than it's supposed to. Actually, more like all of Central America and possibly South America as well :) We learned this in Monterrey. And Dallas :) Anyway, this is Dad in his slump :)

We took a van/taxi thing to where we were going. Then a ferry. Then a second van. This picture of Kase makes me laugh so hard every time. He had just gotten done eating some snack and clearly it hadn't all made it into his mouth...

There are crumbs on this shirt, in case you can't see them. Makes me laugh so hard - poor boy didn't even know the crumbs were caught by his belly. Hence him winning the "Soft serve award." He went for that machine every chance he got. We are going to need to steer clear of soft serve machines in this family :)

And here is Tulum:

Our awesome tour guide

And these dudes were EVERYWHERE

I think this is some type of fertility pole. Unfortunately I couldn't get close enough to dance around it, but I thought taking a picture with it might help. It was worth a try...

I might be sacrificing my husband here. The most hearty make the best sacrifices :) This is an actual spot where sacrifices were made. Not sure if this is sacrilegious or not....but we did it anyway.

And our first taste of the water:

Kase said he almost drowned trying to swim out there. He made it out there and just hung onto the buoy because he didn't think he could make it back. Funny I'm just finding out about this as I showed him this post...

Before getting back on the ferry, we had some time waiting for it so there were some markets and some of us went swimming. This swimming time was fun - the boys were launching us girls into the air. Dave and Vard each had a leg while Kase pushed on your booty. Worked out, since Kase was directly related to everyone :) I will always remember after I got launched in the air, Dad says, "I want Kase's job." Hahahaha oh dad...

Kioa got this at the markets :) Like the mask on Nacho Libre - a legit wrestling mask FROM Mexico.

Ferry ride back to the van

And Dad won the, "I think we better head back to the boat" award. Well deserved!

Priceless quotes from Laryn: "Vard, we're not in Mexico, we're in Cozumel."& "Oh, we're in Cozumel! We're almost to Mexico!" Needless to say, she got the "One-Liner Award."

Sunday Funday!

So the first day on the cruise was "Sunday Funday!" Meaning, we were on the boat all day as we travelled to our first destination. I still remember Dad telling us that as he and the Hales were sitting around the table (the Hales are or WERE :) living with mom & dad while their new house was being built) and the Hales kids were asking what us adults on the cruise were going to do about church on Sunday & the Sabbath Day. This is just what I remember from what Dad said - so I'm sorry Makala if this is wrong, haha. Anyway, Makala & James told their kid we would do some type of church on our own, and dad chimes in and says something like: Church? It's called Sunday Funday! Hahahaha. Kase made the comment that James & Makala probably can't get out of there fast enough. It's nice to have a Grandpa to stir the pot a little :) Easy for me to say though, haha. That still makes me laugh.

So had a little church/devotional service in the morning. Some pics:

Cute, Dave :)

What we did was that we each went around and told of a time that we knew that our Heavenly Father was present in our lives (something like that...). It was so nice to hear everyone's thoughts and insight.

We spent time that day just hanging out. Some of us (the younger ones) laid out & caught some rays. It was so nice and relaxing.

We had a really fun time that evening on the deck, just sharing stories and having some good laughs. I shared the story about being a little nervous to meet mom & dad for the first time when Kase and I were dating due to all the Kase had told me about "growing up" & "the way things were" & his stalwart mom, as well as hearing Jen's transition into the family from her...yikes! So anyway, I obviously really liked Kase and wanted to make a good impression, right? Background info: the girls in Kase's family were not allowed to be cheerleaders in high school. Maybe because of the uniform & the rep that comes with it? Not exactly sure...Kase doesn't really know either, haha. I LOVED being one. And as another side note, I've told Kase that that won't be a rule in our future family. Ok anyway...so I'm going to meet his family (the ones I hadn't met yet - everyone except Dax, Jen & Vard) for the first time when his sister is in a Junior Miss Pageant at school. We get in at like 5am. Basically right as everyone is waking up as right around when people are sitting down for breakfast. Taneil was also in town (she was living in Nebraska at the time). I'm not sure why just about all the sisters were there - probably helping Laryn. And lucky me I guessed some of their names just by seeing them - I tried to do a little picture studying :) I mean...there are A LOT of them. So anyway, we sit down to dinner and literally the first thing said after the blessing is from Vard, stating, "Ok let's just get it out there right now...Brielle was a cheerleader in high school." Silence. Then mom says, "Well, there are worse things." Haha I wasn't quite sure what that was supposed to mean. But how could he do that to me? Haha it was actually quite entertaining. But at the same time I wasn't quite sure what to do...haha. Then after breakfast everyone that was in the car with us is going back to sleep but I decided to stay up and help mom with dishes. Maybe trying to redeem myself a little, haha. I remember her asking me to "drain" the dishes. I was racking my head...drain...drain...drain...what could that possibly mean? My definition of drain didn't match what it appeared as though I was supposed to be doing. So I just asked her what that meant, haha. She said, "Oh, you must've grown up with a dishwasher." I was wondering in the back of my head if I was supposed to feel bad for that too...haha. But no, I knew she didn't mean it that way. Anyway, those were my first experiences with my family-to-be! I thoroughly enjoyed ALL stories shared - I think I heard some new ones about Kase. There is always some story to be told about him, I swear. & I love it!

Yay for Sunday Funday!

Wells Cruise 2012!

So yes - I'm blogging about a year and a half ago. Whatevs. It's all good :)

So we went on this AWESOME WONDERFUL FABULOUS FULL OF FUN CRUISE! Kase's family has been wanting to do this for a long time, and since "the world was supposed to end" at the end of 2012 (12/21/12), they thought of going on a cruise so that we could all be together and having a good time when the world came to an end. :) Makes sense to me!

All the couples/adults came except for Dax & Jen. We missed them terribly but know it would have been difficult leaving a 4 month old baby at home. Kase & I flew into Ft. Lauderdale the night before, stayed in a hotel with Spechts, and were the first on the boat the next day. I made a cruise calendar with a bunch of pictures and quotes in it so I considered skipping over it for the blog, but thought I could include more pictures and fun stuff here. I'll probably regret that decision....like right now.

See ya, Miami!

Wouldn't wanna be ya!!

Gotta get some Titanic action in there!

We were PUMPED! Kase kept saying over and over again, "This is the best cruise ever!" I guess your first cruise can count as the best cruise ever, right? We also soon found out that Taneil was pregnant!! Woot woot!! She still snuck in the hot tub but I won't tell ;) the hot tub was pretty warm though - but I might have to break the news to Libby one day that she can blame all her problems on her mom for getting in a warm hot tub while she was pregnant with her :)

There's the beaut, in all her glory. What a gal!

Christmas Came Early!

Christmas came early for me this year (2012....)!!! We’ve had the Wells Family Cruise planned for the week before Christmas since this past summer and then we’re headed to Dallas right after, so we (or I) wouldn’t be around Flagstaff at all around Christmas time. So my WONDERFUL husband gave me an early present :) Total surprise.

So we were needing a new blender. Kase had been on a smoothie diet (one he made up – basically just drinking fruit/vegetable smoothies instead of a meal) before the cruise, trying to slim down. It worked well! He did great! But our blender is one that I had since college and just some cheap, regular blender. An Oster. It was starting to die on us, so Kase was thinking we needed a new blender. We called Jen because she always tends to know good deals on nice kitchen machines but she hadn’t heard of any for blenders. She did, however, find the cheapest price for Bosch mixers that she had seen for the past 5 or 7 years or however long. So they were investing in one of those this year. It wasn’t a huge sale (free shipping, no tax, like $20 cheaper and it came with more accessories was the deal, I believe), but since they don’t really go on sale, any sale is good. So that was nice and very helpful!

Well Kase got much more involved than I did. We knew that Dax and/or Jen’s research was going to be better and more thorough than ours, so we should probably jump on this deal as well. I looked into refurbished a little, but we never really came to any conclusion. At one point I mentioned that I thought we should just do it, since it seemed like a good idea. Kase wanted me to call and see if they had any left. I told him that of course they have some left – I wasn’t going to call. And then the conversation ended.

And much to my surprise, this showed up on our “Christmas morning!”

Kase is so cute. I could tell when I woke up that something was different – the fireplace was on & I think there was another dim light on. I walked into the living room and saw the wrapped boxes sitting in front of the fireplace. The sticker on the big box said something about kneading. Then I was pretty sure I knew what it was, and was walking around the house all antsy wanting to wake Kase up so I could open it. I finally just went in and woke him up. He was a good sport – his excitement aided in that :) So fun!

How fun is he with this note?

Infamous Romney concentration face....

I love it I love it I love it!

He had Ben pay for it with his credit card so I wouldn’t see it on our expenses, so we just wrote him a check for the amount. He also had it shipped to Ben’s house, so Ben then brought it to work the day before I got it, so I guess Kase pulled it out of the trunk after I had gone to bed. Kase is so good at surprises. I love it! I guess Kase got one of the last 2 available! I think he wanted me to call and see if they had more so that they would tell me they didn’t have any more left (he had already ordered mine) and then I wouldn’t be on to the surprise. But I didn’t. It doesn’t matter anyway – I’m super oblivious to any planning or surprises going on around me.

I did tell him that I wouldn’t be using it for awhile, since we were about to move and we had plenty of frozen bread we needed to use up before then. I believe he was a little more excited about it than I was, which is hard to believe.

Comments from the family: Vard said that just because we don't have kids yet, we can't just make up our own Christmas morning. False. Dave said something along the lines of how it doesn’t seem like a nice gift if I’m expected to do something with it now. After Kase whipped it open and used it for the first time (yes, he used it first…multiple times) and made some homemade hamburger buns, I told Dave that I understood why he wanted me to have it – white bread. Totally.

Guess I should tell the white bread story real quick. I told Kase that back when I was a sophomore in high school, I realized that all the guys there in Dallas liked women with curves. I am the farthest thing from a woman with curves, probably more so back then. But I heard that bread goes straight to your hips, so I made an effort to eat more bread. So Kase relayed this message to some guys on the BYU Football team that he was lifting with one morning (he was in a BYU Football early morning lifting class the first semester we were dating – not sure how the story came up) and they thought it was hilarious. I met these guys later during some intramural basketball games or something – it was totally unintentional. As we were walking away, I guess Kase said that one of the guys (they are black, which makes the story even better) was checking out my backside. He then nodded his head, and said, “white bread” in approval. Hilarious – we both loved it. I know that in reality the white bread didn’t help at all, but he made me feel good :) Dave loves that story.

GRADUATION!!

Warning....this post is gonna get a little personal. And it's long.

NO JOKE....the day Kase was officially done with school was the second happiest day of my life! The first being the day I married him, of course :)

DONE. That's it. No more. FINALLY! After 7+ years, he got his bachelors! I'm glad he took the scenic route through college, because then he was around to date me :) And his track record of being in the BYU football team, along with all his athleticism that he kept up was all just part of the scheme that made me fall for him. Without all of that, this relationship wouldn't be. I know that. And I'm so grateful for it!

Another thing this demonstrates is Kase's desire to go against the norm and make his own path. Because he always makes a "good" path, I am very attracted to this. He does what is right, even when no one else is. Peer pressure is not really an issue for him. He doesn't care about what others have to say about him. It's difficult to offend him. My dad is very much the same way. We like to say they live in their own little world. And they do. Huge blessing when it comes to living the Gospel and being successful in achieving goals when it is difficult. Not that other peer's decisions around him were necessarily bad, I'm just emphasizing that no matter what the topic, Kase is good at doing what's right regardless of what those around him are doing. Huge blessing. I wouldn't have it any other way. I really wouldn't. We all know that our strengths are also our weaknesses. This could be considered one of those examples.

He apparently did too many internships in college to realize that real learning goes on outside of the classroom. So true. Even with an education degree, I would agree with that. Luckily he still "jumped through hoops" to get a degree because he recognizes the world values it. But it took so long because of this reason. And starting a full-time job that you would typically need a degree for, before he got his degree, probably didn't help. But we did it. He did it. SO HAPPY!

It was not fun for either of us that he would have to come home after work and do homework. It was his first experience with a full-time job, and then he had to come home to homework. Bummer. It was a job he really enjoyed, but it's hard to see that when you have to come home and hit the books. And on Freshman English, of all subjects. Economics & Freshman English. So there was a lot of complaining and not fun times. I think I summed up his struggle with this whole degree thing. He worked hard all day and had to come to do more. It seemed useless and stupid. He was just doing it for the "system" that he doesn't believe in. It was harder to find time and motivation than he was anticipating. Not fun. No life. Killer.

I had a difficult time with all of this as well, for multiple reasons. It's a good thing I'm writing this after the fact, as it's not fresh on my memory :) For history's sake, I think I should record it. I'll try to do so in a mild way. And let me add the buffer that I'm going to mention some of my thoughts, not always reality. So it's probably a little on the dramatic side. Take it for what it is :)

1) The biggest thing probably being that for some reason, in Kase's mind he was only finishing school for me. My sake. So I basically took the blame for it all. I'm not sure why he had that mindset. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that he was never ever pressured to finish college (or do anything while he was in college, for that matter) by anything or anyone besides himself. So he felt pressure, being married. He felt pressure to perform. To provide. And to do it the way I expected him to (and the way he expected himself to). I think he just has an automatic turn off button when he feels forced into something he didn't chose (although he did chose it....but he "chose" it because he was married). Maybe he felt forced into it. But because he would've done things differently had he not been married (he mentioned this multiple times), it then became my fault. Interesting thought process. But when you're not used to having to think about someone else and how your decisions affect them, I can see that. The world suddenly changes when you get married. A lot. So this is how it changed for him - pressure.

There were just a lot of comments like, "I'm doing homework my for you," and "We're not "allowed" to do that because you want me to study," and so on. I couldn't grasp my mind around it. Yes, I did help him plan out his graduation schedule so he would graduate when he told Gore he would. A commitment HE made. And it would scare me that he didn't do it on time, thinking he would get fired from this job he likes. And who else is going to hire him as an engineer if he doesn't have a degree? He could do other work until then, but really....? He actually told me it might be a good thing if he got fired so then he could focus on finishing school, haha. Not ok with me. Hadn't he always had the dream of graduating from college? Wouldn't he want to set a good example for his kids to continue their education after college? It doesn't sit very well telling your kids to graduate from college when you were so close and decided you didn't want to finish. Doesn't teach a good lessson for any aspect. BTW his answers to those questions were yes...for the record :) But HE made the decision to go to college in the first place. To attend BYU and to get a Manufacturing Engineering Degree. He also made the choice to go through college the "scenic route." He also made the choice to marry me. It was also him who didn't want me to work when we first got married, therefore causing us to run out of money and needing him to get a job sooner than he actually graduated. HE also signed a contract with Gore saying he would graduate by August. So that was difficult for me, just thinking, "So, tell me again how all these decisions that you have made are suddenly my fault?" I don't think these were bad decision by any means. Many of them were WONDERFUL decisions! I supported him in these decisions (that I was a part of) and I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't made some of these decisions in his life. We made some of these together, yes, but let's be honest - I usually just support him in the decisions he makes. But he still made those decisions. And in no way was this my fault. At least that's how I saw it. So it was extremely frustrating for me.

2) Kase was quite the Preacher when we were dating. I'm the type of person who will only preach something I believe strongly in and/or have worked hard to cultivate and have seen the blessings in my life. Kase is the same, but I think I always made the assumption that because he preached it, he must have that concept/skill close to mastered, right? When we are in a normal conversation about a topic, then I didn't have that thought. But when he turned preachy, then I did. And he was very good at living by his preachings. There were times when we were dating that I would point out how his preaching contradicted his actions, and he would recognize it and "repent," not wanting to be a hypocrite. Well, being a "man of his word" and the concept of "a man only being as good as his word" was something he preached. And preached. He would also preach the concept of consequences to actions. But here he was, not being a man of his word. He didn't graduate when he told Gore he would. Not only did he give his word, but he signed a contract. And the consequence of having to come home after work and do homework must not have kicked in when he signed that contract. The consequences were rough and he didn't want to do it. I know life was rough, but it's called a consequence. And for some reason, the possible consequence of losing his job didn't bother him, and I think he partially figured it wouldn't happen as long as he was working towards it. So that bothered me, thinking I didn't marry the man I dated. He changed. He was going downhill. And that's a scary thought.

In his defense, he learned to be much more careful about what he agrees to do. He realized he took on a task larger than he could handle. Luckily Gore worked with us and were super nice about it. He felt bad and didn't want to not be a man of his word either, it was just a very large and difficult task at hand (maybe it felt larger than it really was, which would only compound the problem).

3) I thought he was lazy. I've NEVER thought Kase was lazy before. He is a hard worker, in everything he does. So why was this any different? He would talk about how hard he worked at work (and I didn't doubt that for a second....I KNOW he worked hard at work) and how I would be proud of him if I saw his efforts at work. I'm sure I would! But of course, we are natural men and only see what we see. I can't see him at work - I only see him at home. And at home he relaxed....and slept...and sometimes did homework. I didn't let him do the dishes (or anything else around the house, for that matter) in hopes that he would do homework. We needed his time focused on school and work - I could take care of everything else. Now I think I've just created a bad habit :( But of course, my thoughts are along the lines that he wouldn't have a job to work hard at if he didn't graduate! I tried to remind myself that in college, he never put all his effort into his classes anyway, so why did this surprise me? I guess I thought a switch would flip in his mind when it was DIRECTLY related to providing for our family. School is always directly related, but not sure how much more directly it could be related than keeping your job if you finish your degree. In college, whenever it came to him providing for himself (work, etc.) he was always very good at that. Seemed like he could get any job he wanted due to his resume & who he was. Heck, he even told Gore no one summer, and then after 2 weeks of working at McCain Foods in Washington, he asked Gore if he could come back and they took him. I've NEVER been worried about him as a provider. So in my mind, it looked as though he didn't care about providing, since both were one and the same in my mind. Clearly a very scary thought. In his mind, he just wasn't being a good student (which was normal at that phase of life) but because he performed well at work, he was a great provider. And you can see our dilemma...

I remember just balling one time when he slept/stayed in bed for 11 hours straight. Who was he turning into? And I almost called Dave - the only person that might understand him. I was convinced on multiple occasions that I was going to have to go to work to support our family. I even told him that I was going to start putting in applications for substitute teaching until I could get a teaching job the next year. He didn't like that too much. But I was just about convinced that I was going to have to be the provider. And nurturer. And everything else. What happened when this laziness was transferred to other areas of life? Dramatic, I know. But Satan knows how to work on us...and Satan knew that taking away my trust I had in Kase and my stability was a way to get me. It worked. For a little while, anyway. I would often coax myself with reminding myself of every other area of life that Kase is wonderful in, and that he wouldn't just leave me and our future family out to dry. And sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Satan is smart. And I let him get to me too often.

But he had NO motivation. Zero. So therefore, why wouldn't he sleep in a little longer? When he got out of bed, the only thing awaiting him was homework. I didn't understand why he wouldn't just nip it in the bud and get it done. But I understand not having motivation. I don't understand it with this topic, but it's hard to get motivated when you don't want to do something. AND when you feel like it's not your decision. From this, I learned that Kase will get something done quickly when he is motivated to do it. But when he's not, it's like pulling teeth. I remember asking his mom how she motivated him to do things when he was younger that he didn't want to do. She said she would just threaten - saying that he couldn't go play until his chores were done. A story about that sticks out to me - when Kase couldn't leave the rug in front of the kitchen sink until the dishes were done. And he didn't want to do it. So he just laid down on the rug until he got the motivation or was sick of it, I guess. Haha. What eventually ended up motivating him to graduate was the fact that he was going to Toyota in March and didn't want them to do any background work and find out that he hadn't completed his degree. Once he realized that tid bit of info (I may have mentioned this to him a few times.... :) ) he kicked it into high gear. He had motivation. Note to self: Get Toyota involved?

Better note to self: find a way to motivate Kase. Threatening didn't work. It kinda did, but then I get the guilt trip. I'm not his mom - I shouldn't have to do that. I wanted to be a loving wife who was supportive. I didn't want to nag. And it got to the point where I didn't. Instead of getting mad, I would just get sad. Not sure which is better.

4) Kind of mentioned above - I'm not his mother. I don't need to be setting rules to get things done. I don't need to be pushing him to do something that he KNOWS he needs to do. But I didn't know what else to do. And because of it, I just turned into the no fun wife. I'm sure that was the wrong approach to take. In fact I know that, knowing Kase. I just didn't know what else to do. And he obviously didn't appreciate it, and just made it worse. So, another lose lose situation.

5) Like in any marriage, when one or both spouses aren't happy with the others decisions, it causes tension. Other things might get involved and snowball, even though it just stems from one problem. Intimacy wasn't happening as often as it should. If I'm having the thoughts I described above (which weren't always but often enough), the last thing I want to do is be intimate, right? Same goes for him too - if he's not feeling loved and appreciated in those ways, why would he be motivated to graduate (graduation was what I wanted...remember? :) ). Luckily I didn't have bitter feelings for the ENTIRE time he hadn't graduated, so I had to capitalize on those moments that I wasn't. I was very happy when he was doing homework, so of course I tried to capitalize on those moments as well to show him how happy and proud of him I was when he did do his homework. Hence why we may not be pregnant yet, ha.

6) I'm sure it didn't help that I didn't have anyone to talk to about the topic. I wasn't going to even start this conversation with anyone, knowing that I would start bashing Kase simply because there was no other way to talk about it without getting emotionally involved, and that's not ok. And there was no way in heck that I would EVER mention anything to my mom. No No. But I was so grateful that I had my Heavenly Father to pray to. He listened. He comforted me. He helped me see through Kase's eyes. He helped me be more compassionate, which is exactly what I needed.

There were other things I'm sure, and when I think of them I'll probably add them. But in a nutshell, it was not fun. If Kase ever decides to do more schooling (the thought at the time was KILLER), it would be purely his decision. I'm not getting involved. Therefore, I can't take the blame for anything, right? Luckily it's over, and I'm sure it will be a time we will reflect on and think, "how silly were we?" I'm sure I'll have that thought many times!

And the LONG FOUGHT FOR diploma!

Our best friends in Flag, the McCabes, took us out to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrate his graduation.

So why would I ever post anything so personal? Because it was very real. It was a very real part of our lives. I would never just write about disagreements Kase and I have, or update the world on all of my issues (not like more than 4 people read this anyway, but just in case). That's not what this is about. I want it to be recorded so I can look back and think how far I and we have come. To learn from it. To have real struggles recorded. To remind myself that blessings can come from struggles. Maybe it will put other struggles I or we have into perspective. Maybe I'll look back and think of what a drama queen I was being, and to remind myself to just trust in Kase. It might provide helpful to one of my future kids who is struggling in their young married life. Who knows. But I think it will be beneficial. Not inspirational by any means...I'm not that type of writer. Just beneficial. So that's why I wrote it.

If my future kids ever read this, I want them to know that marriage is hard for anyone, no matter how well you are paired up. Even when you are married in the temple and you knew it was a good decision, marriage is hard. It's work. It's not always a bed of roses. Something my mom always tried to show us was that it's OK to disagree in a marriage. To portray marriage as though it's perfect without any problems would be setting your kids up for failure in their future marriage. I'm not saying you need to have open yelling fights, or that all discussions need to be had in front of kids. Absolutely not. But if you disagree about something in a conversation, it's ok :) and to show your kids the example of how to respectfully disagree is a great lesson that we use through out life, in and out of marriage. I know this blog post is more than a disagreement. But marriage is hard. So to my kids if you ever read this: chose wisely (like I did), and you'll make life a whole lot easier on yourself :) because I KNOW my marriage would be so much more difficult if I would've married anyone who is not at the caliber that Kase is. And in all of my dating experiences, I finally found him - someone I never wanted to let go :)

And the best part of it all (maybe this was the real motivation... :) ), Kase's graduation present!

He had been wanting cowboy boots for some time, so luckily I came up with the idea that he could get them once he graduated (especially considering how expensive they can be). He agreed. So here they are. And here is my studly cowboy! I was so proud of him...once he found what boots he wanted, he did some searching around for the best deal and because of all his efforts, he got them for like $50 cheaper than he would have. That's MY man!