When we found out I was pregnant we were thrilled. We had been trying to get pregnant for roughly a year and a half. So when we saw those two pink lines we could hardly believe it. We started planning everything pretty much right away. I toyed with the idea of having a natural birth, and the more I looked into it and thought about it, the more I knew that's what I wanted to do. We were still in limbo as far as where we were going to end up when we had the baby, but once we found out we were moving to Nebraska we were finally able to plan everything. I knew I wanted a natural birth, but I still wasn't sure where to have the baby. I wanted to be somewhere intimate and comfortable. We were really interested in a water birth and Gary found a birth center close to where we lived, but we still needed to decide whether that or a hospital would be the best way to go. Since I was already 34 weeks along, I decided we should start out with an OB since we knew our insurance covered it and just go from there. Plus, I really wanted to just get one appointment under my belt in case anything happened. We had our first appointment and our doctor was really nice, but I just felt so weird afterwards. It just didn't feel right for some reason. When we got in the car I told Gary we should drive to the birth center just to check it out. When we got there they were about to close, but they took the time to give us a tour and answer all our questions we had. In comparing the two places and the people at each one, it was completely night and day. At the doctor's office I felt like just another patient who needed to listen and obey the doctor, but at the birth center I felt totally empowered and in charge of what I wanted for my baby.
So after tons of praying and Gary
fasting, we decided to go with the birth center. Being there always made me
really excited to give birth and I just felt so comfortable. The midwife was
amazing and I never felt rushed while I was with her, I could tell she really
cared which I really needed and appreciated. The only dilemma we faced with
picking the birth center was that in order to deliver there we needed to take a
childbirth class first. I was so far along and I felt like I had no time to
pick a course, let alone complete it! But I finally settled on Hypnobabies.
I'll get more into Hypnobabies later… probably in my next post.
Everything was going along great,
but my due date came and went and nothing was really happening. I wasn't too
concerned because I knew that the "due date" is really just a
guesstimate, but I was still doing everything I could to try and naturally get
labor going. I just wanted my baby to come already! Gary and I walked, and
walked, and walked, and walked some more. Then when we were tired of walking...
we kept walking. It gave me lots of contractions, but they of course stopped
once I sat down. They were just useless.
Once I hit the 41 week mark it
really started to mess with my head that I was still pregnant. I felt like I
was going to be pregnant forever and that everyone was just sort of waiting on
me to perform and hurry and have the baby. While I was at my 41 week
appointment, my midwife and I came up with our game plan. We were going to give
it a few days and then do an ultrasound to make sure the baby still had enough
amniotic fluid. Then if I wanted to, we could strip my membranes to try and get
things going because once I hit 42 weeks I would risk-out of the birth center.
I was willing to do just about anything to make sure I could still deliver in
the birth center. My midwife told me to just stay positive because I probably
wouldn't even make it to the ultrasound appointment which was four days away.
Well those four days came and went and baby was still just content to stay put.
So we met our midwife at the hospital and she did the ultrasound to check
everything out. She said everything looked great and I decided to go ahead and
have her check me and strip my membranes. That was probably one of the most
unpleasant things I've ever done. Ever. It was pretty dang painful and I just
felt sick afterwards, but I did start having a lot more contractions which made
me feel really excited and hopeful.
The next day my contractions were
coming a lot more consistently. I told Gary he didn't need to stay home, but to
just keep his phone handy. They stayed pretty far apart all day and I was able
to just go on with business as usual. That night I started to wake up about
every 20 minutes with contractions that were getting more intense. The next
morning I told Gary there was no way he was going to work because I knew the
baby was coming. I labored all day at home and I tried to rest as much as
possible, but I was just too excited and nervous. Soon my contractions were
about 4-5 minutes apart and so we called our midwife. She told me to get in a
warm bath, and if they slowed down then it wasn't time yet, but if they stayed
the same or sped up then we should head over. So I got in the tub and they
slowed down a ton. However, soon they started to pick back up and then were
coming a little faster. I started to feel really anxious and scared and I knew
it was time to go. A little before 5pm we headed to the birth center. The drive
was so bad. It was so hard to stay relaxed in the car and every little bump in
the road just killed me. But Gary was so good and talked to me and reminded me
to use some of my Hypnobabies techniques to help me relax. He was a life saver.
When we arrived at the birth center
we had my midwife check me to see how I was doing. I was dilated to about a 6
and everything seemed to be going really well. I had her get out the birth ball
for me and I alternated between that and just walking around. I wanted to walk
as much as possible to keep things going and possibly speed everything up.
Every time a contraction would come while I was walking, I would just put all
my weight on Gary and it helped a ton. I never felt like it was too much to
handle. It was all very manageable. I was uncomfortable, but being able to move
freely and also use the ball when I was tired made everything so much easier.
Also, not having to be hooked up to a bunch of monitors and IVs really helped.
I can't imagine being in labor and being stuck in a hospital bed. The nurse
would come in every so often and check the baby's heart rate and see how my
contractions were going. It was just the perfect relaxed environment that I
needed.
At about 9:30pm I got checked again
to see if I had progressed. I was at a 9 1/2 and none of us could believe it!
We were all stunned! My midwife told me based on how I was acting; she thought
I hadn't made much progress. We figured it would only be a couple more hours
and we would have a baby so we decided to get the tub ready. We were all so
excited. At that point, I was still talking and laughing between contractions.
They were getting a bit more intense, but I didn't feel like pushing or
anything and I was still nice and relaxed. The Hypnobabies helped me a ton to
not be in a lot of pain.
After being in the tub for a bit, it
didn't seem like things were going as fast as we thought they would, so the
midwife and the nurse left and just came back in every so often to check on us
and see how things were going. While we were waiting we suddenly heard a baby
crying. I thought we were the only ones at the birth center so I was really
confused. I was also totally jealous because I was still sitting and waiting.
We found out later that a couple was on their way to the birth center, but they
didn't make it in time and she had the baby in the car! So the midwife and the
nurse were suddenly pretty preoccupied for a little bit.
I was in the tub for what felt like
forever and my contractions were starting to get much more intense. I wasn't
nearly as happy anymore. I was getting more uncomfortable and things started to
really intensify. The water had cooled off a bit so it didn't feel as good to
me anymore and I started really wanting to get out and just move around. It was
here that everything started to get a little fuzzy. That's the only word I can
think of to describe it. So when the nurse came back in, I got out of the tub
and she gave me a big soft blanket to wrap up in. She told me I could try
sitting on the toilet if I was really uncomfortable because that can help to
relieve a lot of the pressure. So I sat there for a little while, but I felt
like I needed to try something else. Our midwife suggested a birthing stool so she
could check me while I pushed to see how things were going and see where the
baby was. While I was moving to the stool, I felt what I thought was my water
finally breaking. The stool felt really nice and Gary was able to sit behind me
so I could relax on him. The contractions were pretty uncomfortable, but being
wrapped in the blanket and being held by Gary helped a lot.
While I was on the stool, I started
to push a lot more. My midwife checked me and she found that my water hadn't
actually broken all the way, it was probably just leaking from somewhere higher
up. She also found that I had a cervical lip and the baby's head hadn't moved
down at all and was still in the same station as before. It just felt like such
bad news. I was so discouraged. I didn't know how I was going to keep going. I
felt like we were at such a high point earlier and the finish line felt so
close, but now everything was just going wrong and so much slower.
My contractions were intensifying
and I was getting so exhausted so we moved to the bed and I decided to have her
go ahead and break my water. I then tried all sorts of different positions, but
none of them felt right and I was having a really hard time pushing comfortably.
So we finally decided to try the one position that wasn't in our plan that I
swore I wouldn't be in, lying on my back. It just felt so much better that way
and it was the only position that helped me to actually push the way I needed
to.
The whole time I was pushing was
really surreal. Nothing else really existed. The concept of time was totally
irrelevant. I had no clue how long I had been in labor or what day it was or
anything. I could feel the pressure increasing and I knew the baby was slowly
moving down, but I felt like he was never going to come out. I literally felt
like I was going to be in labor forever. Every time I pushed I would use
everything I had, but it never felt like enough. I remember saying things like
he was never going to come out, he wasn't even moving down, and I couldn't do
it anymore. But everyone just kept telling me how great I was doing and that he
was coming. They also kept asking me if I wanted a mirror so I could actually
see the progress I was making and so I could see what muscles I needed to use,
but I told them I would probably freak out if I saw what was going on down
there. So I passed on the whole mirror thing. After each push I felt like every
ounce of energy was completely gone. I felt like there was no way I could do it
again when the next contraction came, but I always was able to. I don't know
where the strength came from, but my body was doing it. I was doing it. It was
such a powerful sensation. My body really took over and knew exactly what to
do.
At one point I heard the midwife say
that the baby was face up. He was face up, his head was a little cocked to the
side, and his chin wasn't tucked in like it was supposed to be which meant he
was looking up a little bit. So he was presenting with his brow. In my state it
didn't even click that he was posterior and presenting wrong. I wasn't able to
comprehend pretty much anything. I could hear words and I knew what she was
saying, but the meaning didn't register with me so I wasn't able to get worried
that he wasn't coming out in the ideal position. Because of how he was
presenting, it was making it nearly impossible for his head to get past my
pubic bone. He was just totally stuck because his head couldn't move down and
under. Every time I pushed, his head would just keep pressing against the bone.
So my midwife did what she called the midwife's forceps. While I pushed she
used her fingers and pushed down to try and make more room for the baby so he
could pass by and get under the bone. It was really painful when she did that
and I hated it, but I also really wanted her to do it each time because it
helped me feel like my pushes were so much more productive and it made it so
much easier.
The pushing went on for I don't know
how long and I really felt like I was making such slow progress. I thought the
pushing would never end. Everyone kept cheering me on and telling me how great
I was doing, but there were times when I felt like they were all full of crap
and lying to me. I was discouraged and absolutely beyond exhausted. I can't
even begin to describe how tired I was. I would feel the contraction come and
just dread it because I knew it was impossible not to push. Every ounce of
strength and energy was gone, but I found a way to keep going. I wanted my
baby out. When I got closer to the end the nurse started doing warm compresses
which I think I dreaded more than the contractions to a certain extent.
There came a point when the
atmosphere and everything sort of got bumped up a notch. I suddenly got a
little more energy. The last moments are sort of a blur because it was so
intense and happened so quickly. The pressure I was feeling suddenly got so
much stronger and I knew it was so close to being finally over. After a few
more pushes I felt that the baby's head was almost there and I started to feel
some burning and tons of pressure. The baby was finally crowning and I was
ready. I held off on pushing for a little bit so my skin could have some time
to stretch. Everything happened so quickly after that. I closed my eyes to push
again and the next thing I knew my midwife said, "grab your baby!" I
opened my eyes and I will never forget the image that I saw. There he was! The
midwife was holding him and he was halfway out so I reached down and grabbed
him and pulled him the rest of the way out and brought him up to my chest. Then
he let out that beautiful loud cry that I will never forget. I couldn't believe
he was real and finally here. That moment was so indescribable. It was the most beautiful thing to finally hold him in my arms for the first time. The 2+ days of
labor and the three hours of intense pushing suddenly felt like nothing. I was
finally holding my baby! I was so relieved and so in love.
When it was all over I couldn't believe I had done it. I was on such a high that I couldn't even sleep. You would think I would have just crashed after such a long and tiring labor, but I didn't. All I could do was just stare at my baby boy and take in every little detail about him. Giving birth naturally really showed me how strong I really am. It was such an empowering experience, and even though it was hard I wouldn't change one single thing.
