She left

View topic - leт тнe devιl coмe (Romance RP) WIP - Chicken Smoothie

Summer of 2018 she left, not because you never asked her to stay – god, you didn’t even have to she was willing to do so, but its because she grew tired. She opened her heart to you, she broke her rules for you, she was willing to get close to you, but what did you do? You told her that you weren’t going to leave her, was she dumb to believe that? you said those three words to her, was she also dumb to believe that? What pains her the most was that, she defended you but you turned out to be just like what they said. Yes, she was stupid, stupid to have even believed you.

What happened? Were you tired of her that she became too annoying?

She opened up to you, something that she never thought of doing. It sucked for her, because she just realized that you didn’t deserve to know her like that. It took a big part of her to be able to be open to you about what she feels but maybe that’s the reason why she left. You failed to see or you probably just didn’t care in general- the beauty in her. In what felt like a thousand years, she finally opened up to someone. But little did she know, that he was still the wrong one.

The friendship – good god, she didn’t even have an idea what you guys were – You were special to her at one point of time. You were just too dumb to have even let her go, to let someone else have the chance to have a more special place in her heart. Maybe she expected too much. Maybe she really grew tired of everything. The lack of attention, your failure of seeing whats inside her heart, she grew tired.

She kept guessing where she stands in your life, but she was stupid to have even thought of it. But she doesn’t regret making a conversation with you in the first place, but you made her feel like you do. She just grew tired.

So she left.

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24th Birthday.

Summer 2018. I’m officially 24!

As I’m laying down next to you, on a Sunday morning. I’m looking at you with such hate, anger, and confusion. Wondering how I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Thoughts rushing through my mind, thinking how I’m not good enough. Blood heating up, rushing from head to toe, thinking the worst. I spent my time, but it still wasn’t good enough. You used me. Psychologically abused me. You chose someone else before me. You said: “I love you princess” With such hypocrisy between your teeth.

When I seen her in your phone, my heart sunk in. I seen what you told her. I seen what pictures she sent you. She made you feel special. When I thought I was your special one. Now I’m looking stupid. Dream deferred because the lie was dressed up. I was looking for love, thinking I already had it. I almost tasted it. What a fool was I to believe it.

Thoughts rushing through my mind on how to confront you with it. Thinking the worst of the worst. Had to calm myself down, and wait till you woke up. Finally! You rolled over, hugged me and kissed me and said “Happy Birthday!” Thinking to myself, “Fuck! How do I bring this up?” A double edge sword, cutting both ways without any respect for your woman. Tear drops coming from an inside explosion. To have a kingdom is to be captain of your own dome. Nights of pleasure, can’t last forever. I see no shame in your eyes. Nothing but the naked truth. A tragic misfit. Too simplistic. A mental mortuary. Psychologically confiscated. The mind is vulnerable. Easy penetrated. Constantly manipulated. And I fell. I fell too deep to even think I don’t want to spend any future birthdays with you.

So today is my 24th birthday, but I spent it in the worst way.

1

Be real or be single

For all my ladies out there listen up. For a female to still stay in the relationship after being lied to, and heart broken; you’re not just a female, you’re a fucken strong woman. Because situations like those, are hard to take in and let go. Getting migraines from overthinking, contemplating if you’re worth it, and feeling insecure are the worst feelings a woman should feel. You see, we try our best to treat our man like no other, am I right? but they always wanna hear from another female, how amazing they are, how great their physique is, how great of a man they are. And all to feed their ego. Of course they know their girlfriend is still in the picture, they just wanna hear it from a different mouth. And you see, that’s where cheating occurs.

So ladies don’t feel bad for “not trying” your hardest. Even though you give them the world, they will appreciate it, to a certain point. And it’s not your fault! They just don’t know how to feed their ego properly. They can’t hear a female compliment them, because they love it. Who wouldn’t? But when you’re single of course. Be there for your man, don’t stop praying for him, don’t nag, appreciate him, love him, listen to him, strive for a better you.

For all my man out there, listen up. For all your mistakes that you’ve done, you’re not being judged, you’re being helped. Open up your eyes, and look to your side. You chose the girl you’re with for a reason. Am I right? So stop fucken putting her down, because she’s not a toy to be playing around, she’s not a puppet to be controlling however you choose to. She’s your woman. Admit it, your life wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t for her. You wouldn’t be who you are if she didn’t join you in your life journey.

Give her the attention she DESERVES, not the attention, you CHOOSE to give her. Hate to break it to you, but the woman you claim to say you love, someone else will come to the picture, he will be there for her, he will tell her good things, will make her feel appreciated, will encourage her, will basically make her feel special and you’re gonna wonder, “Why is she distant?” “Where did I go wrong?” And it’s gonna come down to, the way you treated her, the way you underestimated her. So all that complimenting to other girls, making her feel less, not understanding her, hiding things, changing the name of a girl into a boys name on your contacts, needs to stop! ask yourself this: Do you really love her? Or are you just obsessed with her? Because if you wanna keep doing things under the table and not be transparent, then leave her ALONE, because you are selfish. Stop putting her through hell. And remain single.

However when we love, we always strive to become better than what we are. When we strive to become better everything around us becomes better too. That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.

Be open to love, and be open to people leaving. let the ones that want to leave, leave. the right ones will always stay. I will never beg for your time or convince you to choose me, the world is so huge and I have too much to offer. When connections are real they simply never die. Real connections live on forever.

Don’t let anyone come in between what you guys built. A good one is hard to come by nowadays so protect your relationship, with prayer and trust. The real relationship goal is trusting and understanding your partner. Do what you think is right, not what people think is right. In the end, it’s you who goes through it, not them. I admire people who choose to smile after all the things they’ve been through. You are all so brave and strong. keep at it.

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The Key

Communicate. It will fail if you don’t.

Everyone has flaws, notice yours and try and work on them. Don’t push away true love, it’s hard to find and harder to keep. It takes work, so be careful and love fully.

She’s not always “crazy”. She’s not crazy for asking “whatcha up to”, she’s not crazy for not liking that girl that’s always hitting on you, by pushing that she’s crazy on her you’re telling her something’s wrong with her, you’re pushing her away.

He’s not always a cheater. Just because someone before him cheated on you doesn’t mean he will. Don’t assume that when he’s out with friends that he’s with a girl, just because he doesn’t text back immediately doesn’t mean he’s cheating. By always being suspicious, by always questioning him you’re pushing him away, telling him you don’t trust him. And honesty and trust is the bases to relationships.

Instead of calling her crazy, listen to her, no, don’t just listen, hear her. Think of what she’s saying and try to do some of the things she asks. Is not having this certain girl on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat a big enough deal to make your girl worry? She loves you, she wants to keep you.

Instead of pushing your trust issues on him, discuss how you feel, how someone broke your trust once and how it’s hard to trust now. It’s ok to address how you’re going to need time to trust.

Communication is key to both of those things. In a relationship if you don’t talk, you’ll never pass those tests life throws at you. Love is an obstacle, one of you is blindfolded and the other is guiding, if you don’t talk you’ll never make it to the finish line, will you? Love is not easy, but it’s harder if you can’t talk. Love is a two way street and if one isn’t willing to communicate than love isn’t what you have.

3

Only if you knew

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If I love you, I wanna make you feel secure and I don’t ever wanna put you in an uncomfortable situation. Love who you love while you have them. That’s all you can do. Let them go when you must. If you know how to love, you’ll never run out. Don’t choose the better person, choose the person who makes you a better you. Trust me, I still love you with every ounce of my entire being. I’m never going to stop. Sometimes you can’t explain what you see in a person. It’s just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.

When I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed or it should have a capital and its own currency. The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack & then gently pour your love into that crack. I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves. Everyone has a soft spot, something that can make them smile even when they’re dying inside. Mine just happens to be him.

My love for him, it’s hard to explain. Breakups after breakups.. relationships after relationships; unexpectedly I found him, or he found me. Well whatever it was, I just know my love for him is unconditional. The one that holds my entire heart. The one that knows me from left and right. I might need the attention that I deserve, and I might not get it, but something I will say is; even though I dont get that attention, I won’t stop loving you, because not only did you became a huge part in my life, but you’re holding my heart on your hand.

Sleepless nights, being there for you. Going to your job, taking you lunch, writing cute notes, being extra corny, being there for your entire education, seeing you walk the stage on your graduation day, to becoming a great person working at an office job, taking bullets after bullets, and yet; I’m still right by your side. I only hope one thing out of your love… and that’s your protection. Keep me safe till due time.. keep me safe, and don’t ever make me feel scared.

There’s times that we annoy each other, we frustrate each other. We no longer sweet talk to each other, we’re in our own little world, doing what we best can.  Often we’re so ingrossed in our own work, that we forget to value, appreciate and recognize those that we’re actually working for. We get so wrapped up in our own lives, that we forget the people that make up our life. I know people that regret the last words they said. And others who never got to share how they geniuinely feel. Whatever is taken for granted will eventually be taken away. That’s when we end up missing the most. The person we least appreciated. Because we never think that the last time will be the last time. We think we have more, but we don’t. Focus on those that you really love.

 

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Don’t take it for granted

Long distance relationships are hard and not everybody understands that. There are more reasons to fight, more reasons to argue, and more reasons to be stressed. You have to put in twice as much effort, twice as much patience, and twice as much trust in order to make it work. The distance, however, gives those couples a reason to love harder than regular couples do. Regular couples get to see each other whenever they want, while long distance couples have to wait long periods of time to see each other and when they do, it’s only for a short period of time. When it’s time to leave, that’s the worst part about it because you don’t want to leave knowing it’ll be for a while until you see that person again. So every moment those couples spend together really matters. They don’t take holding hands, long hugs and kisses for granted. What’s amazing is that although these couples are far from each other most of the time, there’s no one they feel closer to than that person and that’s how you know it’s real and pure love

There’s a time that altercation occurs, but when both piers communicate and talk about the issue, it’s the best feeling ever, not because they talked about it, but because they both get into an agreement and they thought about each other’s feelings and decided to leave it in the past and most importantly they focused on the present which in the long run it will help in the future. Many people talk about how long distance relationships can’t work out but if you ask me, it’s the best! Not only for the simple fact that you value your partner more but because that love grows stronger. 

Don’t take it for granted, enjoy each other’s company.

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Beautiful in Your eyes.

To the star in my sky,

To the one who knows me well more than I know myself, to the one who keeps on loving my flaws and haven’t thought of leaving, to my savior and comfort, and to the brightest star in my sky,

I can’t remember how many times you’ve tried having your way in my life and I regret those times I’ve refused letting you in, but your grace is always sufficient. I kept on complaining about how my thighs are too large, wanting to have small waist and my skin isn’t fair like those girls I used to stalk on social media. I tried covering up those freckles and pimples in my face and hated myself for not being pretty enough — for having these curly hair, my body shape, my weird nose, big forehead, wearing these nerdy glasses, not being the top in the class; everything about me isn’t just pretty. You’ve even heard my 3am thoughts about the guy I’m deeply in love with, and my 4am prayers, specially my thoughts when I’m just driving back home. 

You’ve heard it all, and it broke your heart because you didn’t made me to be ‘just pretty’ for this world, I am more than pretty enough. You didn’t create me to please this world because my purpose is to have an intimate relationship with you and I think it is my best accessory,  having joy in life as I walk with You.

You made me, beautifully and wonderfully, You never forget me, even when I seek You only when I want something. You forgive when I don’t deserve, you love me in moments that not even myself could love me. You make me sleep every night in safety, wake me up every morning. You hold the universe and still hear my prayers. You stand when I fall. You set me free. You brought me to life. You gave Your only and precious Son to save undeserved people like me. You died for me. I am Your artwork, Your masterpiece.

I am Yours.

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Fear that day

Here’s the thing about people with good hearts. They give you excuses when you don’t explain yourself. They accept apologies you don’t give. They see the best in you when you don’t need them to. At your worst, they lift you up, even if it means putting their priorities aside. The word “busy” does not exist in their dictionary. They make time, even when you don’t. And you wonder why they’re the most sensitive people. You wonder why they’re the most caring people. You wonder why they are willing to give so much of themselves with no expectation in return. You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well-being. 

It’s because they don’t make you work hard for the attention they give you. They accept the love they think they’ve earned and you accept the love you think you’re entitled to. They always understood that you weren’t perfect. They also understood what you did for them was with love, but they also understood that they weren’t being your priority anymore. Let me tell you something. Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you. Fear that day, when that one special person that you once called “My love”, will no longer be by your side. They always understood you, but you never took the time to understand them. Our skies don’t become gray out of no where. Our sunshine does not allow the darkness to take over for no reason. A heart does not turn cold unless it’s been treated with coldness for a while.

2

Dig yourself out of the rut.

I’ve been having full blown pity parties for myself lately. I complain, I cry, I throw a tantrum like I’m 2 years old. I say things I don’t mean, I talk about things I don’t understand, I write things that are contradicting. But the thing about these pity parties is – no one else shows up. It’s just me, all alone, crying to myself about my life.‬

I’ve came to realize that literally no one cares if you feel like your life is falling apart, no one cares if you’re crying yourself to sleep, no one cares if you’re beating yourself up for your decisions and mistakes. It’s up to you to dig yourself out of the rut you’re in.‬ Life is hard, but it’s hard for all of us in different ways. It’s a constant journey to try to figure out who you are and who you want to be. It’s a constant journey to self-love and knowing what’s best for yourself. You will always, always question yourself, your life, your decisions, your relationships, your status. You will never just wake up and be okay with everything in your life because you’re constantly changing and growing, and the people around you are changing and growing, along with the rest of the world. It’s a never ending evolving process.‬

When you’re feeling down about parts of your life, when you want to throw the towel in and call it quits you have to realize that the only person you’re hurting in this situation is yourself.‬

‪Getting where you want to be isn’t easy, it takes a lot of hard work and dedication, that’s why not everyone is successful in self-love, in careers, with love, in relationships – you name it and someone, somewhere is struggling with it. Every aspect of our lives takes hard work and dedication to improve.‬

‪There is no final destination for relationships – One good day of self-love doesn’t guarantee that it will now come naturally every day. You don’t get the promotion then get to start skipping on out work and slacking off. No. You keep working hard because there is no final destination.‬ ‪If you want your life to get better you have to work hard for it. You have to pick yourself up and you have to inspire yourself to go after what you really want. No one really cares if you fail, well besides for maybe your parents, but other than them no one else really does.‬

‪People are to concerned with their own life, their own choices, their own success and their own happiness to help you take on your life problems on top of their own.‬

‪If you want your life to improve you have to be the one to wipe away your tears and start finding ways to improve it. You have to start finding things that fulfill you, start discovering who you are and start being your own biggest advocate to not lie down and surrender to life.‬

You have to be the one to dig yourself out of the rut you’re in or you’ll be stuck there forever.

0

Why did I chose to stay? 

Through all my life, I’ve been cautiously chosen and deciding what way should I take. I’ve been keen to things I want to do and the chances life gives me. And through all my life, even though I was reflecting and being cautiously thinking, I still made a lot and lots of mistakes. Mistakes that I regret now. But choosing to stay by his side is not one of them. 

He is one of the most significant people I met 2 years ago. He made my 2014, 2015, 2016, memorable. He is the only man who made me feel like I am his first priority. Only one that taught me that love is not just 3 words.

I was the woman who was there whenever he is at his downfall. But I was the one who tried so hard to fix him even if everyone else was breaking him. Even though at times he would be bitter, even though at times he wouldn’t show his appreciation, even though we were going to break up for good for something that should of never happened, I still chose to stay by his side. Even if it was the cause of my pain, I still chose to stay.

He was too broken and aching in pain and no one extended their hand to help him. He was too broken, he couldn’t see it himself, so maybe, that’s my excuse on staying, or maybe not. I chose to help him fix himself, his heart, his confidence, his trust, I chose to fix his whole being that’s why I stayed. Even if it was the main reason why I was killing my heart in deep pain. Even if it was the cause of all of my tears, I still chose to stay.

I made mistakes that later on in the long run, I caused his pain. He also forgave and stayed by my side, thank God for that. He was somehow loving me in a way that is not usual with my past relationships. Maybe some of you think I’m stupid for staying, I just want to be with him and fix him in any way possible. Maybe some of you think that I am too desperate, but I am not. Please, I am just a woman who wants to be with someone who needs to be saved. I need to save him. He was barely breathing from the relationship he had with God. 

But loving someone who is broken is like holding tightly a knife on its pointed part and stab it many times on your own body. Fixing him was never easy. Being with him was never easy. Until such point I already forgot how to be contented with my own relationship in life; my relationship with myself, my relationship with my family and friends. My relationship with God. Until I forgot how to be alone and love myself next to God. 

Until I got tired fixing him and let him be him. Not for someone else but for myself. To save myself from the pain he already caused me and to prevent myself from being crushed by him. From the agony that will start if I will stay longer. Until such point I was the one broken and who needs someone to fix. I crashed and broke myself with what happened to “our relationship”. 

And he never stopped pursuing the broken girl who helped him to be a better man. He stayed even if I pushed him away. He stayed even if I left him in the middle of his fall in between of our own little world. He stayed because he wants to be with me and not because it’s a must.

So, why did I choose to stay? It’s all because of I want to be with him through thick and thin.. Even if our start was a bit rough and bumpy. I stayed because he made me happy even if he was the main reason why I was totally broken before. I stayed because I simply love him, I didn’t expect it at first, but slowly but surely I was already falling even deeper for him. I stayed because I am completely in love for him now. I was born independent, but now I don’t want to be independent because I want to be with him. And now, if you’re going to ask me why did I chose him even if he destroyed me, I would simply smile. 

There are no words to explain why. He was somewhat my Yin Yang. He was the one who broke me, and at the same time healed and fixed me. He made me believe that love is not always as easy as standing up or sitting on a chair. Usually love is much more complicated than math problems that I always solve in school. 

I chose to stay, to be with him because I love him. 

I chose to love him. 

I chose him to be with always. 

I love him. It was never planned, it just happened that I fell completely in love with him.

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