FINALLY! We're getting into a better routine, and I'm feeling more and more like "normal"...whatever that "new" normal is! :) My sweet Dalen bear is
3 weeks 8 weeks old now (I started typing this THAT LONG ago...and it's taken me that long to finish between brief breaks!). How does time fly by so fast?? Makena has been an AMAZINGLY big helper, and STILL spoils me. She loves her brother. There have been slight times of jealousy (which so far, have made themselves evident by wanting to be held or spoon fed, but not really more than that...) she has adjusted amazingly well! She's a great sleeper and napper, which helps tremendously (so I can take advantage of that time as well!), and she's good at entertaining herself too!
I do have to say though...all of you that said "2 will be 'nothing', and you'll adjust in no time", gave me false hope! ha! Those first couple of weeks were ROUGH! I was operating on little-to-no sleep, and RAGING hormones, while still wanting to let my firstborn know how much she meant to me, even though I didn't get to give her NEARLY as much attention as she was accustomed to--and while she handled it well, my emotions didn't at certain points. (It really wasn't that bad--there was only ONE day, i wondered if I'd be able to handle 2 on my own). I'm SO grateful Makena is so good at playing by herself (or, as bad as it sounds, that she LOVES watching cartoons--I'm telling you, that has been an amazing help during my NUMEROUS feeding episodes. Yes, she's watched way more tv than normal, but we'll adjust accordingly once our schedules become more routine, and I'm forgiving myself for this.)
Part of me wishes that I was more diligent about documenting my pregnancy with Dalen as I did with Makena, so that one day, I can share stories with him--but I try to justify this by saying, Makena, my girl, will be happy to hear the details of her journey into this world, and that boys are just wired differently (caring, but not AS interested as a woman would be).
Part of me didn't discuss my pregnancy because I was afraid of what my hormonal self would say. :) My pregnancy with Dalen FLEW by. EVERYTHING about this pregnancy was different (from the way I felt about my growing body/baby, to the way my body gained weight, to the amount of time I spent reading about the newest growing being inside of me....). I could list SEVERAL "differences". But the main "difference", worried me, to the point of discussing with my doctor--I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was "normal". I felt alone in my thoughts--as much as my friends (that already had 2 or more kids) would tell me, "once the baby is born, there is an instant love you cant describe". I worried that I wasn't going to feel this "instant" love. I didn't hate the being growing inside of me by any means--i wanted him healthy, never any ill-will toward him, but EVERYTHING with Makena's pregnancy was special (because it was a first), and this time around it was just DIFFERENT. I didn't feel a connection to him yet, and it felt almost instantaneous with Makena.
SO...the 'birth story'....
The entire week before Dalen was born, I had been having contractions. They were painful, and reminded me of going into labor the first time. With Makena, I never really had Braxton Hicks contractions I could feel (and if I did, they certainly weren't painful). This time, I had a TON. There were several nights I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was afraid it was "time", so I'd quietly sneak out of our room and play on the internet, timing contractions--which would come regularly, but never continued to intensify to the point of not being able to talk (which was frustrating because they were intense enough to cause me discomfort and loss of sleep). :) I was grateful however, because the Dallas area had been hit by severe ice storms, making traveling very dangerous. I worried about how my parents would safely get to our house to watch Makena if I needed them (and worried I'd call them to come and it would be a false alarm!), and worried about our journey to the hospital over the numerous bridges. Due to the weather conditions, my doctor appointments (which at this point, would be weekly) had been cancelled--the last time I saw my doctor was at 37 weeks. We had already discussed being induced because my doctor was going to be out of town when I was due. I delivered Makena at 39 weeks, so I felt comfortable being induced at that time with Dalen--not to mention, my doctor said Dalen would definitely be ready because at 36-37 weeks my body was already preparing for labor.
The night before I was induced I barely slept. I laid there wondering what the following day would be like. How i'd feel to be a mother of TWO and if I'd be able to be a patient mother (especially with lack of sleep), what the induction would feel like and how it would compare, imagining what our first meeting would be like (and if I'd love the new baby as much as I loved my "baby girl"), and introducing Makena to her brother.
I didn't know if I was ready, but ready or not, he was coming! I was emotional about leaving Makena that morning, fearing she wouldn't understand or that think she was being "booted" down the line. My mom got to our house early to be with Makena (whom I didn't get to see that morning because I didn't want to wake her--so the night before I spent extra quality time with her, cherishing my "only" child and our special 28 months together as a family of 3). Nervously, we left. I knew Makena was in good hands and was going to be spoiled rotten and given plenty of attention the next few days, so I didn't worry about her. My doctor suggested we eat a large breakfast because it would be the last food I'd touch until after he was delivered. We took her advice. Luke and I went to IHOP and I ate a HUGE meal. We left there later than we should've, and then got stuck in rush hour traffic and arrived late to the hospital (we were supposed to be there at 8 am, and we got there about 8:15, so it wasn't TOO bad). I was so nervous we'd be told we were too late. Luckily, the timing worked out perfectly. I got to the hospital, changed clothes, got comfortable with my nurses, and answered a MILLION routine questions as we waited for my doctor to get there (so, it was perfectly fine we were later than we expected because we would've just been waiting anyway).
Taken before we left the house to meet our little boy on February 8th!!
When Dr. L got there, she checked my progress, and I was already dilated to a 3 and 90% effaced. She said my body was already in labor, and because of that, they were just going to put gel on my cervix to get it fully effaced. After that, we were instructed to walk around for 30 minutes--the most BORING 30 minutes of our lives! The L&D area isn't huge, so we were always passing the same nurses at their stations, and giggling about how boring it was after the first 15 minutes. I could tell I was having some contractions, but they weren't really hurting as bad as I remember with Makena. But, 30 minutes finally passed, and I was checked again--my body had dilated to a 5 and I was still 90% effaced. I was SHOCKED. Because my body was doing the job on its own, I didn't receive any pitocin, and they just elected to break my water (oh, the GROSSNESS of that! it didn't hurt at all, but I felt like I peed myself). I reminded the nurses I WOULD be receiving an epidural, but didn't want to get it TOO soon, because I didn't want it to slow the process down. I realized why those that prefer to labor naturally (sans drugs) would rather be up walking around...sitting in the bed during contractions was PAINFUL.
Awesome picture (not), but just wanted to remember how RIDICULOUS I looked walking around the halls in my 2 gowns and (crew) socks and shoes (as a matter of fact, at FIRST, I was only wearing socks...then the nurses told us about a 'code brown' they had just the day before--lines had gotten backed up/frozen due to the weather and sewage and poo went all over the floors, needless to say, my socks were thrown away).
When the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural, I was immediately nervous. This guy looked young. I was hoping for an older/very experience doctor! ha! (I know they all have to start somewhere...) This epidural was the WORST part of the process (and with Makena, was the BEST part...ha!). This time, he couldn't find the right area and had to "go in" to my back 2 different times (and by the end of the second I was in pain, scared out of my mind, and in tears). I was trying my best to sit still through the contractions, but I felt like he was nervous, which radiated to me. It was finally successful, and I was able to relax and play the waiting game.
Very bored, yet very excited :)
With Makena, once I got the epidural, my body progressed VERY fast because I was finally able to relax during the contractions. Basically the same thing happened this time....but, no one was around (nurses/doctors). I could feel a TON of pressure and felt like he was going to come out at any time. I called to have the nurses come check my progress, but when they came to my room, they said they wanted to give me a little while before they checked me because of my water being broken (and didn't want to introduce bacteria too often). Shortly after, the staff OBGYN at the hospital came in--i figured the nurses must have told her I was feeling pressure, but she said she noticed my progress on the monitors (and Dalen's heart rate indicating he was being pushed further and further down). Anyway, when she checked me, I was completely ready to go, and at a "+1" station. She said, at this point, sometimes your doctor will ask us to start pushing with you, or they'll ask us to "labor down". I had no clue what "labor down" meant, as a matter of fact, it sounded like a scary word to me. But, basically it means do nothing and let your contractions push your baby to a "+2" position--which is what they decided to do. I'm almost positive it's because if I HAD pushed, he would've come quickly. Because of the ice storms, my dr's office was triple booked, and I think they wanted to try to wait to deliver until the end of their work day. I'm pretty positive of that. Then, at the end of the day, my doctor said she had to give one of her patients bad news and really didn't want to have to reschedule their appointment...so she was later getting there than expected. My sister (who is using the same dr) saw her come in and said was running (well, not running, but trying to get to me quickly). While she was on her way, the nurses asked if I wanted to do some practice pushes...I remember not being able to "read" them--I didn't understand why they were asking me this. I didn't know if they were saying this because I kept complaining about the pressure and thinking I was WANTING to push (I was, but I wanted my dr there...) or if it was standard procedure. We pushed through one contraction, and she started stalling saying she was going to get everything ready for the baby to get there (which to me, meant he was about to be out...). My dr walked in, we pushed a total of 10 minutes (I think through 3 contractions) and my youngest love was delivered.
I'm so happy to report that everyone I talked to was right--an INSTANT love you can't describe. I saw him and was flooded with all sorts of emotions I didn't know I had--just when you thought there couldn't be more room in your heart to love someone else, it happens--and there's ample room.
I'm glad I was induced so that i didn't have to worry about going into labor and having to "brave" through it in front of Makena until help arrived. It really was an enjoyable process for the most part--I was just SOOO bored and I really feel like he could've been here sooner if we were pushing earlier. Healing this time around has been much easier. My body also didn't swell up as bad as after Makena (and I truly think it's because I didn't push as long, as frustrating as the waiting was).
I nursed him shortly after everything was cleaned up, and he took to it like a pro. This time around, it's been so different and so much easier! It's amazing the differences in babies.
Then, Makena was the first to meet him...and the only person that got to hold him that first night. I don't like passing around my newly birthed babies. :) (And sometimes still have a problem sharing!) ;) She was INCReDibLEy tired because she didn't have a nap that day, but the second she and Luke walked in my room, her face lit up and she was so excited to sit with Momma on the bed and hold baby Dalen. She's the proudest big sister I know. :) I love my big helper.
Makena was exhausted, and LOVED being loved on by her Daddy while family visited that evening. We sure did hate having to tell her good bye that night!
Cuddle time with his little buddy:
Ready to go home (and NOT happy about being unswaddled); Makena picked out his "going home" outfit, and I found it VERY fitting since I always call my kids my "monkey's":
I have to say, the drive home with the 2nd child wasn't nearly as nerve racking/scary as the drive home with Makena!
We're HOME!
She kissed him (unprompted) immediately. She LOVES babies and loves her brother!
"Dalen" got Makena gifts when we got home from the hospital. She received a baby stroller/car seat/swing combo kit. It has MORE than paid off. She LOVES strolling her babies around!
Daddy with his kidS (still crazy to say it plural-ly!)
This has been such a fun journey, and I feel like it gets a little easier every day (with the occasional set backs/sleepless nights). We are so blessed to have such good children. We're very proud parents!!
Hopefully I'll be back soon...there's so much more I want to get caught up on....but I'm finding it's very hard lately to organize my time and not feel guilty for sitting down at the computer when I could be spending it with Makena while I'm not nursing/tending to Dalen or with Luke (my sweet baby daddy) who has been so incredibly selfless these first busy/emotional weeks!
