This post has been long overdue. I've started it a million times in my head but I think there's just something a little too overwhelmingly emotional about it all to me, when I set out to tell you all about it, I can't seem to get anything cohesive to come through my typing fingers. At least not anything more profound then ...duh...uh...um ... Ryan's now the lead pastor at our church and some really cool stuff is happening. So.... there's the cliff notes version, but I will try to tell you a little more than that. :)

I'm sure most knew that Ryan is now leading at Creekside so that's not really 'the news' I wanted to post about. It's really the Commissioning Service that I felt needed to become timeless by being recorded in a blog post. It was held about a month ago now to kick off and celebrate this new chapter in the life of our church and for other pastors in the community and important people in Ryan's life to gather and speak encouragement and 'charges' to him. Then Ryan got to get up and share just a little from his heart and where he feels God leading Creekside right now. It was wonderful to hear him speak his passion and vision, one I have watched stir in him for years and years without an outlet or platform from which to really bring people alongside him in. I was proud, very proud. It was just an emotionally wonderful night all around.


The elders of the church prayed for Ryan and over us as a couple. It is incredible the support I feel from this church body, support and love for our whole family.


I felt like that night was a marker in our lives and one we will always look back on. I am excited to remember from the vantage point of 20 years from now, I can't wait to see all that God does. There are already some incredible things happening, and for a small church like we are, it feels amazing to be a part of it all. People are being challenged and changed, we are serving in the community and making a real difference and God is at the center of it all, calling us to stretch ourselves and take risks. In December we raised nearly $16,000 in paper for the local schools to help with their shortages due to budget cuts. And this month and next we are in the midst of working to show them love and meet their needs in more tangible ways by doing whatever kinds of manual labor they need over 6 Saturdays. This morning Macy and I gathered with about 50 other people form our church to do teacher prep for 5 elementary schools. Cutting, gluing, stapling, writing. It was a blast, and I hope all those teachers know how much we appreciate all the hard work they do week after week, and I hope this week they feel a slight load lifted. It is truly fun to be the hands and feet of Jesus, helping people in tangible ways around our community. I am proud to be a part of a church who wants to do that with me.


Finally, I thought I'd mention one more fun thing our church is now doing in case anyone who visits this blog might be blessed by such a resource. At Creekside we are really working to be a church who reads the bible for ourselves and is constantly learning more and more how to understand it, and be changed by it. SO.. we are reading in it together, a chapter a day, the whole church. And then we have an on going blog where a growing number of people are contributing their thoughts on what they've read each day. There's room for comments and questions and dialog. The link over in the corner will take you there if you ever get an itch to 'dig in', I've been blessed just reading others thoughts for the day.

So there's my little 'report' for the evening. I just feel very humbled to have witnessed what I have over the last 8 months or so, and I know I didn't describe it very clearly or in a way that will make sense to the average visitor to this blog, but it needed to be recorded in here, for my sake. For my memory. God is real, He is working and He loves us. He loves me.

I found something a few nights ago and in honor of Valentine's Day I just had to share it.

I actually had 100% no recollection of writing this. I was digging through an old box of college stuff looking for an old picture and found this folded paper. I started reading and immediately found myself back on my bed in my old college house, back in a time when I used to spend hours reflecting and dreaming and contemplating.

When I wrote this I was pondering the concept of Love. I was quite the over-thinker (was...ha!) and newly engaged to Ryan. And I was wondering if I really had any business being engaged or saying I was 'in love' with him for that matter. I felt very unsure of whether I knew enough about the concept of love to decide whether I was in the kind of love that could last a lifetime. So, as has been the standard all my life, I began to try to work out my thoughts on paper. I began to write, not knowing where it would end, I began to write what I so far, had learned about 'life and love' since being in a relationship with Ryan.

I didn't finish it. It ends abruptly and I have no idea why. But I kind of love it. My stream of consciousness, imperfectly on paper; from such a raw and exciting and vulnerable time in my life. So here it is: A window into the heart of my 21 yr old, freshly engaged, self.

"I've learned to pay attention to the people around you, you may end up knowing them better than you'd think. I've learned that hurt, no matter how bad, can sometimes be your biggest blessing. I've learned that blessing could even be sitting beside you in the midst of your hurt. I've learned to take risks, I've learned to trust. I've learned that the ones worth risking for, will be the ones that risk for you. I've learned that God does in fact, know what He is doing. I've learned that what God wants to happen,we can't mess up. I've learned that the suspenseful times that are driving you crazy with impatience, will end up being your fondest memories that you almost wish lasted longer. I've learned you can relive some of the fun, by sharing memories over and over. You can never talk too much and there's no such thing as "I can't explain it"...try. I've learned that men and women are different, it's not a cliche', it's truth, and the sooner it's accepted, embraced and appreciated, the better. I've learned to wait and obey when God gives you a conviction, and "Go" when He says to "Go". I've learned not to be too anxious for definition but to enjoy the mystery too. I've learned there's an appropriate time for every conversation, don't rush it out of impatience or emotion, don't delay it out of fear, laziness, or legalism. I've learned to love every phase, not missing what's past or dreaming of what's ahead...'Let not our longing slay our appetite for living'...and that goes for single life too. I've learned moderation and self-control. I've learned vulnerability. I've learned that when the dynamics of the relationship change, and with time they always do, that is not bad or wrong, adapt and enjoy, it's the reason you don't get bored. I've learned that hard times don't mean end times are near, they're sometimes a very necessary growth spurt. I've learned that you have to invest time in the relationship and also the person. I've learned that relationships are not just something you tack on to your life, they have to cost you something or they won't be worth anything. I've learned that one spiritually healthy person won't matter a bit if the other is sick. I've learned to be silly, I've learned to be real, no make-up, no filters, no walls. I've learned to splurge. I've learned to save. I've learned to forgive and ask forgiveness and to struggle through tough topics, no matter how uncomfortable it is, it will bring you closer. I've learned that sharing that person with your family makes you love them even more, and being shared with theirs is the greatest honor, treat it that way. I've learned to believe that I'm loveable and that I'm capable of love. I've learned that love is not even close to the movie version, and no one will be able to define it for you. It's something you'll see yourself heading towards but never be able to pinpoint when it was you got so far into it. I've learned it'll never really "feel" like you're in it, if you cling to the idea of what you think being in love should feel like...."

...and that is it. Someday I should probably add to it, the things I've now learned some 8 years later. But finding this, reading it now; I think I knew a little more about love than I'd thought. This has actually reminded me of alot of important lessons I'd since forgotten in this humdrum and 'reality' phase of love. So I'm really thankful for my find.

Speaking of this phase of 'love'. No post is complete without pictures... so here's a little of what 'love' looks like for us these days!






Oh this crazy life of mine. I never saw it coming.

Well, I guess not really. But kind of the first one she's been excited really excited about. It all started Monday at preschool when her teacher must have explained the party coming up on Friday and how they were going to pass out Valentines to all 19 friends in the class. I knew nothing about it yet (I'm really aware and paying attention these days...honest) but that didn't make a bit of difference to my self-motivated child. Monday afternoon Macy emerges from her room after 'quiet time' with 19 beautifully and uniquely designed paper airplanes. The child has some crazy creativity going on in that little mind of hers.


Each with 'Happy V-Day' written on one wing and 'Love Macy' written on the other. Yes she figured out how to spell all of it on her own.


We attached a sucker to the back of each and were good to go. She was soooo excited to give them out that Friday morning, it was adorable.


And then ofcourse, the outfit. Everything these days (well actually not just these days, this has been going on for a good two years now...think I should get used to it??) is about the outfit.


...and the pose. We're also all about posing (see her 5 yr old post for more proof)


Sweet thing. I had no idea how many laughs one little girl could add to my existence.


Happy Valentine's Day Macy Grace.

I just loved this idea going around in blogosphere of the Valentine's Interview, had to join in. So fun to capture their little minds and hearts at this tender age, such a window into their world. I could have asked questions for hours.

We started out easy, you gotta warm up to these things:

What’s your favorite Color?
Pink
What’s your favorite treat?
Ring pop
What’s your favorite food?
chicken

But quickly got into the good stuff...

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A person who teaches others about God and a mommy and a doctor.
What is a grown up?
Somebody that is a mommy or a daddy
Who is your favorite grown up?
You and Daddy …and Courtney
When you grow up where will you live?
Danville
Who will you live with?
Trey
Why will you live with Trey?
Cuz he just moved but in college I’m gonna ask him if he will be married with me.
What does it mean to be married?
To just uh.. be grown ups together and to love eachother
What does love feel like?
Like if somebody gives you a hug then that feels like love.
Why do people hold hands?
Because they’re friends
What is Valentine’s Day for?
For loving like God does
How does God love?
He loves everyone even when people do bad things he still loves them.
How would you show someone love?
By giving them ice cream or giving them a hug or a kiss

Bless her sweet little heart.


Later I tried the same tactic with Carter: Here's how far we got:

What's your favorite color?
Yellow
What's your favorite treat?
Lollipop
What's your favorite food?
Goldfish

At this point I'm thinking, wow - we might actually get through this!

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A firefighter

Good, good, we're still going strong...

What is a grown up?
(Makes funny face and laughs) Mommy I can't do this.

Oooorrrr maybe not. Maybe one more try...

What does it mean to be married?
(cracking up) Mommy, you're being silly!

Yes, I'm a regular comedian, and clearly this is not happening. But, call me persistent I had to try one more time.

Carter, can you tell me what love feels like?
Mommy, can we be done with this 'viewter' (uh.. interview?) I don't like it.

Can't get much clearer than that....
I fear this is far too foreshadowing of our communication down the road, but I'm gonna keep trying :)

Hi Everyone!


Just thought we'd let you know that we're 5 MONTHS OLD already! Time is just flying by and in honor of almost being half a year old we thought we'd hijack mom's blog and brag about some of our latest accomplishments!


First of all, we are really starting to like our Bumbo seats. Which is a big relief to mom cuz I think she's hoping to get rid of the swing and bouncy seat soon. They're in the living room right now, along with the playgym, two exersaucers, blankets, baby toys etc...mom often mumbles something about it feeling like BabiesRUS in here? I dunno what she's talking about, seems just fine to me.


You can't tell from this picture cuz we're really good at dodging all of mom's photo attempts, but we really like looking at each other now. We're so dang cute that we make each other smile, giggle and coo when we make eye contact. Don't judge our enthrallment with each other, we're not conceited. Our cuteness is just plain fact.


Oh and since we've discovered our toes we don't just like to grab our own, we also grab each other's toes (and hands, ears, etc) and try to suck on them if mom puts us close enough together.


My name is Jude. I'm pretty chill and although I like sitting up, I'm kinda still a string bean and I don't fill out the seat quite as well as my beefy brother. I actually prefer to just hang out on my back and kick my legs, maybe play with a rattle or teething toy . I'm happy as a clam just watchin' the world go by. With all the craziness going on in this house, I don't really feel a need to contribute. So long as I'm comfortable I rarely even make a sound except for a coo here and there to say hi to everyone. It's my personal campaign to try and get mom to love me best. That and my goofy gummy smile, she can't resist it.


I'm Noah and I'm a bit more intense but I like to make up for it with my humongous open mouth, dimple filled smiles. Makes 'em all forget about the down right hysterical crying I was doing just minutes before when no one would pick me up. That's one of my favorite games. No but really, I'm a pretty content little guy so long as I get my naps. Both my brother and I are getting really good with our hands, we love those little chain things mom dangles in front of us all the time.


Oh, and I pretty much adore the taste of my fingers. My brother Jude sucks his thumb (he thinks he's cool being all normal and everything). Me, I figure why show favoritism to one finger? Or one hand for that matter? I have 2 hands and 10 fingers, as far as I'm concerned they're all fair game... or I could decide not use any of them at all which is why mom still has to keep my pacifier around at bedtime. She really likes keeping track of that thing for me.


Finally, we're getting suuuper close to being able to hold our own bottles. We don't really understand what all the fuss is about but for some reason when mom first noticed this I thought she might pass out from the sheer elation that shone on her face. I don't get it cuz she sure seems to enjoy feeding us. But I guess she is always popping back and forth between then two of us trying to talk to both of us and look us each in the eyes while we gulp our meals etc, and since we're so big she can only hold one of us at a time, I suppose she feels bad having to prop the other one up with the bottle. When we can hold it ourselves maybe she'll feel a little less guilty. So we're workin' on that one for her.


Speaking of eating. We've started solid foods and are doing pretty well with them. Bananas, peas, sweet potato, all so good! We also really like to roll from our tummies to our backs and we do it often in the middle of the night so that we can wake up, scream bloody murder and need mom or dad to come flip us back on our stomachs. We've chosen not to learn how to roll from back to stomach yet. Seeing mom or dad in the middle of the night is still much much too fun.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. But don't worry, we're working hard on new tricks everyday. Thanks for letting us share, we're like the smartest 5 month old babies ever, knowing how to blog and all; talk to you later!

After telling you about Macy in the last couple posts I just had to share quickly about the big BROTHER of the family too.

Oh Carter. My little bulldozer. He loves his brothers, he really really does. I just think there is some automatic energy boost that wafts through the air when he's around them and well, he just really can't contain himself. He bounces, bops, dances and screeches every. single. minute. he's with them. He asks me to watch and see if their 'smiling'.

"Look mom," he says, "I made Noah laugh!" (When really Noah is making the most terrified, 'I'm about to lose it; please don't let this giant thing kill me' face)


But none the less, I can tell, 99.9% of the time, his motivation is pure love and excitement. So we walk a fine line. While I am trying not to squash his...uh...affection... for his brothers with all of my "Don't TOUCH the babies! Get AWAY from the babies!" warnings; I'm also trying to keep him from squashing them. It's a tightrope walk people.


Oh, and this just in: Carter and I have been getting a good chunk of one on one time each Wed and Fri when Macy is at preschool and the babies are napping. Recently we started talking about preschool for him next year and what kinds of things he's ready to learn...and look who just up and decided he was interested in learning how to write his letters?! He picked the words and was oh so proud. Just thought we should share, my big boy :)

Look at this little girl.

No seriously, try for a second to look past Carter's hilarious 'closed-eye' smile, Noah's fist eating and Jude's, well, pitiful face; and look at Macy for a second.
This girl was born to be a big sister. And she is wonderful at it.

It's embarrassing how much I rely on her to help me take care of the babies, and she has definitely risen to the challenge. The child gives bottles, burps, holds, rocks, pacifies and straps in car seats. She finds hats, socks, burp cloths, and blankets. She can babytalk with the best of them, make Jude and Noah giggle and grin and serve as a little bit of a protective force field for them as well (there just happens to be a very excited 3 yr old...not so gentle...boy in the house who may not always know his strength).

And she's quite the photographer too.

I am so thankful for who she is and her willing, helpful spirit. I tell her God picked her to be the oldest in our family (of the kids obviously) because He knew that was a job she could do well and that she would be a leader to her brothers. And I believe it wholeheartedly. I also know God gave her to me because I'd go straight crazy without a little girlishness in my life, and although she brings huge doses every day (we're talking truckloads people) I am so grateful for the role she plays in our family.

I love this little girl.