So I'm pretty sure if you're the type of person I am, and you handle and process and live life the way I do. It's kind of impossible to NOT have alot of introspective thoughts and reflections as you come up upon your birthdays. But especially when you approach a new decade; it's almost a rite of passage into the next decade to pause and reflect on all that has taken place in the chunk of time you are now leaving behind.

Well, I've lived three decades now, moving on to the fourth (Hoooly cow, that just felt a little too much like I was saying I was 40..yikes!). And I just felt like I couldn't begin to digest that notion without taking a second to blog about the journey each decade has taken me on so far and who I am because of it. Starting all the way at the beginning...

"0"

1980-1990: I don't remember much between the ages of 0 & 10. I was born. A pretty big day if you ask me. I learned to walk and eat and talk. I learned to read and write and play and make friends. I developed fundamental skills like potty training and complicatedly obscure things like personality. I played soccer and softball, I did swimming, gymnastics, dancing and theatre. I took singing lessons and was awful at them. I entered speech contests and drawing contests and writing contests; I won some of them. I tested the waters of the social world with first sleepovers and best friends and itty bitty crushes. In 3rd grade I made my first traveling softball team, in fourth grade I wrote a book called 'Life on the Streets of New York' (an incredibly sad and twisted tale that somehow came from the innocent minds of me and my best friend Kelly), in fifth grade I played a lead role in the Christmas Musical Wise Guys and Starry Skies and by the time I was 10 I was pretty convinced being '2 digits' was the coolest thing ever.

"10"

1990-2000: I remember ALOT between the ages of 10 & 20. So much life change, it seems impossible that it all occurred within one tiny decade. I moved from private school to the world of public junior high and high school. I learned what words like insecurity meant and I dabbled in my first social dramas of hurt feelings and passing notes and crying over boys. I also learned what it meant to really care about people. I prayed earnestly for my friends and I took leadership roles in my youth group. I took ownership in my relationship with God and tried my tiny tweener best to follow Him. I made a decision to switch high schools after my freshmen year and I never looked back. I continued to play softball and dance and do theatre. I experienced the feeling of belonging, and I learned a new word called confidence. I had my first brush with love and I made deep friendships, ones that have lasted through multiple decades now. I also hurt people I really wish I hadn't. I graduated high school. I left the safety of my parents' home for college where I experienced independence and loneliness and many many tears. It was here I learned the words rebel and regret, and here that I experienced true repentance for the first time. Just a couple years shy of two decades into this thing called life, I started living, in a way that was no longer about me. I learned about vulnerability, and sacrifice and I was given the gift of friendships that formed more of who I am today than anything in my life had thus far. Yes alot happened between 10 & 20. In one tiny decade I was both a 5th grader and a junior in college. I had my very first kiss and met the man that I'd end up kissing forever. I spent summers playing softball and flirting with boys on beaches; I spent summers at desk jobs in offices and serving university students in Australia. And on the night I turned 20, as I opened a gift (of buttered popcorn flavored jellybellies and a guitar tuner) from my brand new boyfriend named Ryan, I felt fairly confident that my "20-something's" were gonna be pretty sweet .

"20"

2000-2010:

It's funny. This last decade changed up all the rules on me. While I can clearly identify the difference between a 0 and 10 yr old and I know I felt much much older at 20 than I did in the 5th grade. Between 20 and 30 I'm tempted to believe I've hardly changed at all. My life circumstances, however, tell me differently. Infact they SHOUT (and cry and whine and temper-tantrum) all the differences at me every single day of my 30 year old life. :) And I can not for one moment deny that quite possibly this last decade has presented the MOST life change for me thus far, inside and out.

Like I said, I started this last decade out with a brand new boyfriend named Ryan. A worship leader with spikey black hair and hoop earrings. I spent the first year of my 20's falling in love with him and I was three days shy of 21 when he proposed. In the next 9 years I graduated college, I planned a wedding, I got married and I lived with a boy. In a tiny blue house in Pasadena. I went to auditions all over Hollywood and saw a world that could rip every ounce of confidence from even the most secure of girls. I led high schooler's and poured my heart into theirs, I slept in a hut in Fiji. I moved from LA to Bakersfield where I learned the roles 'Pastor's Wife' and 'Stay at Home Mom'. Two very foreign things that have now (in Roseville) seemed to nestle themselves comfortably into my very core, though I still wrestle with their implications almost daily. I dabbled in ridiculously distracting things like network marketing which taught me clearly what I desired to strive for in my life. I opened my own business and developed sides of myself that I never knew I had, out of a pure heart I produced something I am proud of, and God has used it to teach me many words including patience, grace, wisdom, perseverance and costliness. I learned even more so what I desire to strive for in this life. In one decade I went from thinking I may not have any babies, to having four. I changed a gazzilion diapers (and counting), I caught throw up in my hands, I scrubbed too many toilets to count. Shopped for groceries and hired babysitters, kept track of homework and saved art projects. I have watched the depths of my heart push down deeper with each child born, creating a larger capacity for love and sheer joy and I've felt the paralyzing responsibility of knowing I must teach and train them into adulthood. In one sense I have spent this last decade shaving off pieces of my independence, one chunk at a time. I have spent it unraveling myself into the things I now love more than my own agenda, more than my own wants and desires. I have learned the words sacrifice, pride and humility; I have said the words 'I'm sorry' many times over. I have learned that this is a hard pill to swallow and I have learned deeply the truth that marriage takes work. But that the work brings fulfillment and a change in me that is rewarding and solid and wonderful. I have had so much fun in my 20's, so much of me has grown up.. in my 20's. And sitting here at the end of my 29th year, (I started this before the big b-day) I feel calm and confident. I am convinced that my "30's" will only get better.

"30"


And just for fun...a few more pics from my trip down memory lane...

I may have slightly resembled Miss Piggy in my toddler days...

Me and little bro.

Baseball is serious stuff in our family folks.

Kindergarten

Oh, the Christmas sweaters...how did my mom manage to get us to all sit still?? And for a TIMER at that! Sheesh, I am failing miserably.

One of many 'Daddy Dates'

8th Grade Graduation

High School Graduation

Ryan popping the question in front of 500 college students.

And for comparison sake...The night we got engaged.
and...nine years later...


I had an amazing birthday btw. But more on that later... I'm too old to stay up past midnight anymore :)

We always try to Trick or Treat in our own neighborhood because it's just such a rare thing that to have all our neighbors and kids out and about on the same night, we always end up meeting new people and chatting with neighbors we haven't caught up with in a long time. This year was particularly fun cuz Macy got to run into alot of her new Kindergarten friends on different streets!

Macy and Carter were trick-or-treating pros this year! It was so fun to see them enjoying running around together. They were such a team too, taking turns knocking on the doors and deciding which houses to go to next. They are really becoming such good friends. And they had the script down perfectly too, "Trick or treat! Thank you very much, Happy Halloween, have a good night!"
Every. Single. House. :)

Ryan followed dutifully behind with the wagon containing Darth and Yoda.
I realized as we were walking outside that I had completely forgotten to get the pumpkin buckets down from the attic this year. We have like 6 of them, and they are so bulky that this summer I finally got fed up with them and stored them in the attic thinking, no big deal, Ill get them down for Halloween, it's not for like 4 more months....welll, like I said, totally blanked until it was too late. So we went the old school route of pillow cases. This is what I used every year growing up anyway, but the kids took some convincing. It could have been disastrous, but they pulled it together and actually ended thinking it was pretty cool. Whew, crisis averted.
Cousin Jordan joined us this year which was fun! She did not however love being in the wagon with the boys... but we got her in there long enough for a quick pic.
Yes, you saw that right. I allowed my 2 baby boys, at 14 months old, to have tootsie pops while we were out. I originally gave them to them with the wrappers on thinking they'd just play with them...um... have I not already had two children? I don't know what I was thinking, I guess I was distracted. And then it was kind of too late, and they were so enthralled with them anyway, I figured, eh, what the heck? It's Halloween! Oh the things that have changed since my fist baby!
Who could resist these faces. Whats a little sugar gonna hurt :)
Jude giving Jordan's pink pumpkin a try.
And finally, here is my sad excuse for an attempt at one picture including all four of my children. I thought I would document the play by play for you so you can see for yourselves why there are rarely if ever, pictures of our whole family at once. This is literally Ryan clicking away one after another in hopes of getting something sufficient enough to allow him to be done with his photography duties for the night. It never really happened. But I finally conceded. Can someone tell me at what age your children (eh hem, boys..) finally actually DO "Stand there and smile." I am reeeallly looking forward to it.








This last ones the best you're gonna get. You can see 6 out of 8 eyes and all faces are atleast facing forward. Oh well. This is life as it really is. I'll take it.

...or incase you were wondering if her brothers were the only ones with personality....

After the lengthy, and less than ideal, photo session with the boys I thought to myself, "Phew! Hard parts over! I now get to take pictures of my compliant and sweet little girl who will happily smile and pose for me. It'll take a few seconds, I'll get some great shots and we'll be done with this nonesense!" Well, when I asked Miss 'Princess' to smile, here is what I got...


Yes, this is the face of my 5 year old. She thinks it's cute that she's already perfected the condescending, "are you serious mom? are we done yet?" look.


...I don't think it's so cute.


Thankfully, this little princesses sass was all for show. She couldn't keep the act up very long and I got the sweet smile I was waiting for. Here she is with her little cousin Jordan.


Princess Leia may have been all about the white robes and brown buns, but Princess Ariel? Well, she's clearly all about glitter and make-up. At least according to Macy. I thought her eyes might bug out of her head with excitement when I actually said 'yes' to her request to wear some 'grown-up' make-up since it was 'such a special night'. So easy to please, this girly-girl of mine.


So easy to please.

So..it goes something like this...

4 year old learns about Star Wars and decides he wants to be Luke Skywalker for Halloween. Along with apparently every other person in the whole wide world, Star Wars scored big this year as far as I can tell!

Anyway. Just incase you were worried if he could pull off the character. He would like the opportunity to prove you wrong. Meet Luke.







So it was settled, Carter would be Luke.

Then Mom remembered a few years back how her fun friends from Bakersfield had 4 kiddos all within a month or so of eachother and dressed them as itty bitty Star Wars characters when they were 1 yr olds. "Hmm.." she thought to herself, "could I possibly pull off two years in a row of coordinated family costumes?? I must try, I just must!" A few calls, a few road trips, a few favors from friends, a generous Christie and an extremely accommodating Lorie (thank you Christie and Lorieeeeee!!!!); and we had ourselves some baby costumes.

Meet Darth Vadar.






And Yoda.


The forces of Good and Evil, pinned against each other in brotherhood. I mean come on, the drama writes itself. Right?


Occasionally they defy the laws of the cosmic universe and cross enemy lines to give each other... a kiss.
But for the most part, the battles are on going.

Yoda looks on at his star pupil with pride, while Darth appears none too concerned, boldly walking past despite the deadly light saber pointed at him.
"Come you to me, young one. Teach you the ways of the force, I will"
"I laugh in the face of danger. Luke Skywalker will go the way of the Dark Side!"
"Defeat him you will. Be Patient you must." "Yes master Yoda, I will continue to train"
My knowledge of Star Wars talk is h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e. Forgive me I had to try! :)

Moving on. So we have three out of four decked out in Star Wars gear. And we have one little girl left to dress and one princess Character left in the saga..oh man oh man it's just too easy, too perfect, it all fell perfectly into place right?!

Um.. wrong. For those of you who aren't aware. Let me just clue you in to the strong opinions of my emphatic almost 6 year old. Princess Leia is NOT a pretty princess. She doesn't have sparkles or glitter or pink ANYWHERE on her. And when I went to attempt to change her mind by pulling up a picture on the internet... here is what I found...

...a poo-brown felt wig with what looks like donuts on the sides and a turtleneck plain white robe? Yeah. It wasn't gonna happen.

So, I conceded 3 out of four wasn't bad and I let my girly girl live it up as the sparkly, colorful, beautiful Ariel. A real princess, thank you very much.

I attempted pictures of my three coordinated boys. Cuz that's why you coordinate costumes when your kids are too young to care. For the cute pictures you can show their wives years and years from now. Except trying to get two one year olds to stand still for pictures next to a four year old that very well may have been born with jumping beans inside his legs and arms...is well..pretty much impossible. Here's a little bit of what that photo session went like...





Happy Halloween Everyone. May the Force be with you.

*Sigh*