I'm a lover of Christmas cards. So if you're expecting some hilarious rant, hating on them and all their pintrest style perfection...you might be disappointed by this post.  

True, they have become quite the elaborate spectacle these days. I'm not opening up my mailbox to your standard, grab the most decent pic from your last vacation, slap it in a costco preset design and call it a day, type cards anymore folks. Not by a long shot. Some of the cards I receive now look like they've been ripped out of a jcrew catalog for crying out loud. Seriously, these things belong in coffee table books and artistic portfolios. They are bea-U-tiful. And I luuuuv it. Honest. Every day I feel like I'm opening presents when I go get the mail, and then I hang them, as like, ACTUAL ART on my walls and it make me super happy. 

Every other month of the year I don't even get my mail. No seriously, my mail has been sent back to the post office more times than I'm willing to admit because the box gets too full between times I go out there, it's kind of a problem. 

But not in December. In December I actually watch the clock and look forward to the late afternoon 5 minutes I get every day to pop out to the mailbox (all by my wonderful self!) and pull out a new stack of envelopes. As I'm typing this I realize how depressing that may make my life sound that this is a highlight, but you'll have to tuck that away as a side point because we're moving on. :)  

I have to tell you a story. 

It begins with a photo session for said Christmas cards by my sweet friend and talented photographer Melissa Babasin. We went through the usual motions, picked the 'coordinated-but-not-like-we-tried too-hard, but-more-like-we-just-happened-to-match-my-scarf-to-her-shoes-to-his-shirt-to-that-splash of-color-on-the-inside-of-his-collar, type coordinated' outfits. Heh. We brought the blankets and trekked through the weeds at the right time of day, we did the kids hair (a once a YEAR type of deal around here) and we worked hard all day prior to align nap and snack and meal times so we'd be set up to have the happiest kids you ever did see when it came to show time. 

And you guys. It was MISERABLE. The whole photo session. Horrid. 

There were tears, and threats and shameless bribes. There were sticks swung and smacked into faces, photographer directed hugs turned into suffocating neck squeezes which toppled kids over and erupted into wrestling matches. There miiight have been an ill advised joke about a boy from school which mom miiight have thought would produce a simple and natural laugh/smile from a certain little girl and instead produced a 15 minute, snot wiping, eye puffing, 'that was SO embarrassing' sob session. (Shoot you guys, can you tell I'm new at this?? Big time momFAIL.) 

It was ridiculous to say the least. But our photographer was a pro and rolled with it all, snapping away. And Ryan and I, well we did that thing you do where you pretend you're good natured and chill enough to laugh all this off so that the pictures don't capture the proof that in reality you're so ticked at your kids you can't even see straight. ;) And we got through it. But I was SURE there would be nothing usable.

And then we got the pictures. And here's where I'm supposed to say how it was a miracle, the pictures were amazing, I loved them to pieces and was so thrilled with my precious family and we ordered our cards and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

But though the pictures were great and I WAS amazed at the talent of my friend and so excited to have sweet pictures of the seven of us; that's not the story I want to tell you. 

When Melissa sent me the link to my pics I was also able to flip through sessions of other families she'd taken pictures for recently.  

And here's where I show you ugly Katie. 

With the trauma of our ridiculous photo session still fresh in my memory, I spent longer than I should have clicking one at a time through those other family pictures and here's what I thought to myself. 

"See? What in the world is wrong with my family? Look how sweet all those kids are just standing there. Hugging each other, smiling (not scowling, crying, making goofy faces, or squinting awkwardly), resting their precious little heads against their parents, laughing and having a wonderful time. That session was probably so much fun, that family must really love each other, they're so lucky, they're doing something right, I'm DEFINITELY doing something wrong, why didn't I get THOSE kids and THAT family?!?"

It was a low moment I let myself sink into and I sat there pouting. Unhappy with my lot in life, ungrateful for the precious lives that surround me, discouraged and down on myself and my kids.

Yuck. 

Fast forward a few weeks. I had printed out some of the best pictures to fill some of the frames on our wall.  And then you won't believe it. I heard the strangest thing from some friends who were over and saw the pictures. They were commenting on how amazing the family picture of us was, how sweet and calm everyone looked. And I almost choked. One of those obnoxious, sitcom style, drink spewing, BaHA!! type chokes. I quickly did the thing you do where you try to explain, "No seriously! that is NOT what this picture was! Cameras have amazing lightning like shutter speed and this was a split second in between disasters. For reealz!" 

But I could tell they only kind of believed me. 

I've received quite a few comments since then as well, sweet things people say on Facebook or when they're in my house and see the couple I have up. And I've also been getting all of your amazing family pictures in my mailbox every day. 

Maybe it's because of that very low moment I allowed myself to sulk in this time around; maybe it's because this photo session felt particularily wild. But the voices in my head when I hear those comments, or see other family cards have been very eye opening to me. Because I don't see what others see. When I look at my pictures I see my fingers, clenched strategically around a certain son's fidgety hands. I see my tight lipped smile. I see the tiredness in my eyes. I see the kid about to dart, I see the tears about to fall, I see the sticky stains of lollipops awarded even though the 'good behavior' most definitely DID NOT happen, just because sometimes sugar squeezes out one itsy bitsy moment of smiling peace. 

And it made me realize that when I look at all YOUR pictures, I don't see what YOU see either. Neither of us are seeing reality, we're seeing a super fast shutter speed snap shot and NONE of the frames on either side. Pictures MAKE things look magical and frozen and perfect. And they make great holiday cards because of it! But we don't need to open them every day and think we are glimpsing an accurate picture of the daily hum drum grind of real icky sticky life. 

We don't need to do that to ourselves! 

Let's enjoy the amazing magical cards and pictures we get in the mail, let's smile at each others gorgeous families and stellar designs and let's use them to decorate our homes and remind us of how much we love our friends and how fun it is to be creative. But let's NOT let it steal from us even one teensy moment of contentment with the life we are living, the realness of it, the rawness of it, the unedited messiness of ALL the frames of it. And for goodness sake. Let's be nice to ourselves. And our families. How 'bout I go first. :)

Thanks for reading friends. 

Merry Christmas! Enjoy a mixture of the sweet and not so sweet that is our family.