The Carvalho Family

Friday, December 13, 2013

Isn't there enough room for everyone's Jesus?

I recently posted an article that I read and was touched by on Facebook. I posted it with the following prelude:
"Every person 100% confident in their sexuality should read this; and every person struggling with acceptance of their own sexuality should read this too. No one is Less Than, no one."
(below is the link to the article if you care to read it)
http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/17/ive-got-spirit/
Side note: It is no secret that I am an equal rights supporter and I am a Catholic woman (albeit it I am far from a perfect Catholic) . I don't understand why so many people feel like they have to be one or the other. So many preach that you can not be gay and/or in support of equal rights AND a Christian: the two are mutually exclusive. I don't agree.
I believe that ....
A. God created us all and therefore he made no mistakes.
B. God says love your neighbor before anything else - I take that to mean love all the people that "belong" in the church as well as all the "outcasts" of the church ... LGBT, divorcees, women that have had abortions, people that sin (that is ALL of us by the way) etc. etc.
AND
C. Even if my religious beliefs did sway the way I felt about gays and lesbians - that still gives no right to the government to discriminate against it's citizens. We all are to be afforded equal rights under our country's laws.

Ok, jumping off my soap box....

The point of this blog is to ask - isn't there enough room for everyone's Jesus? Why can't Jesus be seen in different ways by different people? And if that interpretation of Him is different than our own - why do we have trouble supporting it? None of us have met Him personally, so none of us are the scholar on who He is and how He thinks, so can't we just be open to the fact that maybe Jesus is whomever He is in the eye of the beholder? As long as the beholder is someone who is preaching love, hope, and prayer - what could be a problem with that?

Let's take Raph for example. He is one person, but always the SAME person, yet the people in his life all have different varying degrees of relationship with him. His parents have a love for him that no two other people will ever understand. His brother and sister have a love/hate relationship with him that started from birth and will continue to death, but there is a deep bond between the three of them because they will forever be joined for life. I fell in love with Raph upon meeting him and now he and I are navigating life and our family together. Cabe and Lea look to him for protection and security and have a relationship with him that will surpass his death. His friends all have different relationships with him - some he talks to daily, some he talks to annually, some he has not talked to in years, but they are still his friends and they still love him for whatever part of Raph they came to know and identify with. My mom has a relationship with Raph and a respect for Raph as the husband of her daughter and father of her grandchildren. He has coworkers that are either terrified of him because they work under him and constantly want to make sure he is impressed by them or they feel an overwhelming amount of support from him because he wants to see them succeed and do their best in their respective position in the company or he has other coworkers that he looks up to as his mentors and guides in the business etc etc. My point is Raph is one person, always the same person, but one person that has many different relationships in many different facets - and no one is wrong for knowing Raph in the different way that they do. His parents, myself, and his children spend the most time with him - you could say we know him the best because we have had years to study him and learn more and more about him, but does that mean that we are the authority on him? Does that mean that the person he was casual friends with his sophomore year in college is wrong because he knows Raph differently then I do? Can this theory relate back to knowing Jesus? Different people in different stages of their own lives know Jesus in a different way than you do - does that make them wrong? I don't believe so, I believe there is enough room for everyone's Jesus.

In regards to the article I posted, a friend of mine responded back (see below) - it is a different opinion than mine, but one that I can completely respect because it is my friend's opinion using HIS view of Jesus. My friend is trying to show Jesus' light to other people just as the author of this article was. The only problem I have with my friend's response is he belittles the authors relationship with Jesus, and that I do not support.

His reponse:

How does this work? I mean, what Jesus and Christianity is she speaking of? All the ideas she espouses of who God is and what his attributes are, how did she arrive at this knowledge of God and his character? Because none of what she's saying is even remotely supported by the Holy Scriptures. So how does this work? I ask seriously. Does she, do we, just make up the Jesus we like and say, "THIS is who Jesus is! Because why? Well just because we say so. That's who we want him to be!" If the Jesus she speaks of is not the Jesus of the Bible (and he's most certainly not) then who is this Jesus, how did she learn of him and his teachings? Did he visit her himself and reveal all this to her personally? I mean really, where does this guy and his religion come from? Because quite frankly he sounds like a figment of her imagination. Just an imaginary god that she has created in her own mind. This is postmodernism personified. "Whatever works for you. To each his own." In short, it's absurd. It's make believe. It's baseless and perfunctory. It's just plain silly.

This was my reply back to him:

It may be silly to you. You are entitled to your opinion, your understanding, and your relationship with Jesus and Christianity - and I will respect and support that - the same way I think you should do that for me and anyone else that exhibits a different understanding and relationship than your own. We are all God's children. ALL of us.

The Scripture I think she is personifying is His consistent message woven throughout the Bible - love ALL your brothers and sisters. My understanding of her article is that you don't get to pick which brothers and sisters to love and which ones to not love by using His words against them, simply just love them all.

I think she feels it is not up to her to judge or oppress, from what she understands from her own readings of the Bible and her personal relationship with Jesus is that he asks her to love everyone during her time here on earth. That is her relationship with Jesus - and I support that, the same way I support your relationship with him. Not everyone is going to read the Bible and interpret it the same, and this is what makes our world go round. There are many parts in the Bible that, on a daily basis, people pick and choose what pertains to them - for example, I cut my hair, I work on Sundays, I have my ears pierced (five holes in one ear and two in the other) - all of that, according to the Bible, is not wholesome, especially not five holes in one ear, which I now admit may have been a bit overkill - but no one is oppressing me because most people partake in these same "sinful" behaviors and therefore it is not distant, different and fearful. None the less, these are parts of scripture that most people are choosing to ignore because it would get in their own personal way, or because they don't feel that a modern day Jesus would reinforce those "rules". So we are taking it upon ourselves to make the decision to continue with our behaviors that we enjoy, so how can someone else be judged for reading a part of the Bible and understanding it in a different way that we do. I embrace that - as long as you have a love and longing to serve, are not causing any of your neighbors any personal harm, and are coming from a place of love then it is not my place to tell you how you should live your life or how your personal relationship with God should look - it is only my place to love and support you.

The author is not preaching hate in this article, she is preaching love and acceptance - and I highly doubt that when she arrives at the pearly gates, and meets God face to face, that he is going to turn her away for her actions here on earth. I think he will say, "thank you for taking care of my
oppressed children too. " The same way I think when you arrive at the pearly gates one day, God will say to you, "Thank you for living your life in the light of Jesus." The same way I think that when the young black gay teenage girl referred to in this article arrives at the pearly gates God will thank her for her personal gifts that she shared with others here on earth and let her know that she as His child is loved and welcomed.
____________________________________________________________

My philosophy is that differing opinions is what keeps us challenged and forces us to review our own views and tweak them so that we can become more and more the person God created us to be by bettering ourselves and our relationship with Him.

The pregnant belly

I know I have posted about this before but the longer I live here I realize how refreshing it is to not constantly be surrounded by everyone with a sense of entitlement. On a personal level I still struggle with that American part of myself and I fail 100's of times a day, but brazilians are just not at all in the mindset that their family or they themselves are entitled to anything. Not personal space. Not on the road - if someone cuts you off there is no road rage. Not in regards to "my child deserves A. B. and C." Not in if you sit at a restaurant and wait twenty minutes to get service - there is no "I have been waiting here for twenty minutes attitude" it's just simply placing your order. And so on.

I have realized that we as Americans feel entitled to what we want as quickly as we want it. There is no patience left in us and if someone gets in our way we are sure to let them know that that space belongs to us, that ball belongs to our kid, that the time we spent waiting to be served was precious time of ours that was wasted.

Instead of sharing our space, our ball, or our time.

In brazil, in the same situations, people don't even notice if they are literally standing on top of me - it could be me and one other person in the elevator and they will not retreat to their respective corner as I have already politely retreated to mine, they will stand on top of me. They are oblivious that I feel like that space BELONGS to me. And they are right. Why does that space belong anymore to me then to them? I am uncomfortable with the close proximity because of the culture I was raised in but they are not uncomfortable by the close proximity because of the culture they were raised in. Neither one of us is right or wrong, it is just different.

If they sit down at a table and are not served for twenty minutes they simply just place their order with no sense of annoyance at all. They stay in the present and therefore those twenty minutes they were waiting they were enjoying their time with the space they were in - they realize there was probably a reason it took the waitress twenty minutes to get to them, and that she was simply busy, so they are ok to wait their turn - patiently and with good humor still.

People adopt the outlook that we all belong to each other and therefore your kids belong to me and my kids to you. They want the exact same things for your children that they want for their own.

I read an article on CNN the other day about a man in Pennsylvania being charged with battery or assault (or something like that) because he touched a woman's pregnant belly without her permission. I read the comments below the article and everyone was in support of this charge and saying it is her body and she is in charge of it and decides who can and can not touch it. I agree, obviously, she is in charge of her body and who can and can not touch it BUT a criminal charge against someone that was just momentously caught up in the fact that you are creating a life? I think that may be taking it a bit too far.

I laughed out loud when I read the article because I realized that would NEVER be a possibility here in brazil. And this is the attitude of brazilians that I hope to adopt and carry a piece with me for the rest of my life.

At home in the US if a stranger touched the stomach of a pregnant woman - she would more often than not be enraged and feel violated. In Brazil, if a stranger touched the stomach of a pregnant woman, the pregnant woman would stop and take a moment to share in the joy of the stranger that he was so moved by her and her creation of new life to touch her. They would smile and he would tell her she is beautiful - in a non creepy but an ethereal way - and they would remark on just what a gift it is that she is able to bring new life into the world. And then they would move on and back into the steps of their daily life and probably never think of the interaction again. Not because it was insignificant, but because it was a common occurrence. The pregnant lady probably walked on to the next corner and there while waiting for the green man to light up so she knew it was safe to cross the road there was a new stranger that again touched her belly and this time remarked on her "glow" and so it continues.

Neither the Brazilian nor the American outlook on life is perfect, but a blend of both would be pretty close to ideal.

From the US, I would take being on time (it drives me CRAZY here in brazil), I would take respect for authority and first responders. I would take the safety of the United States. I would take how everything works the way it supposed to - whether it is a toy you buy, a credit card application you are filling out, or a shipment being released from customs - nothing here ever works as easily as it is supposed to.

From brazil I would take being more relaxed in general and more open to new experiences. I would take more personal contact, interactions, and conversations with strangers. I would take that everyone, including the school children, brushes their teeth three times a day. I would take that children are an inclusive part of life here- they come everywhere with YOU as opposed to you going everywhere with them - and their sports, school, and play date schedules running your life.

But let's talk about the real thing I would take with me anywhere around the world if I could - Target! Priorities.

Santiago, Chile

We recently went on an amazing trip to Chile. We were able to visit Santiago, Vina Del Mar, and a small beach town by the name of Zappallar. We immediately fell in love with the country and decided we wanted to live there one day. That being said - the Chilean people were very conservative and closed off - which is the opposite of Brazilians. Chilean's have many rules and you must follow those rules. One of the many rules that kept getting under our skin was the no kids allowed to sit outside at restaurant rule. There is no smoking in the restaurant but patrons are allowed to partake in the outdoor areas if they wish. It was amazing weather while we were there, so we wanted to enjoy every second we could outdoors - unfortunately we shunned to the inside of the restaurant because children are not allowed to sit in the outdoor areas because there could be someone smoking out there. Many times we were the only people inside the restaurant so there was no much of an atmosphere whereas smokers and non smokers alike could enjoy the beautiful day. There were many other things that were silly rules - like you can not serve alcohol on election day - so when we went to dinner and ordered a glass of wine, we were unable to be served. so on and so forth.

The money was at such an exchange rate that it made me laugh each time i saw something like that in my mind read $850 american dollars!

the central seafood market

Gorgeous gorgeous church

Love this

waiting for some work for the day of shining someones shoes

love them

climbing santa luiza

we made it to the top! gorgeous to see the whole city and the snow covered mountains behind as well

cool palm tree

the gorgeous architecture at santa luiza

Ice cream in the park next to the sleeping man

yummy pisco sours and chilean beer

I loved this man

Happy family

someone fell asleep before dinner!

my favorite

The Presidential House changing of the guards

This was her presidential election signs.... seriously based on 7-11

crazy!!! just imagine Bush or Obama basing their signs on 7-11 ha!

Middle Name

I asked Cabe yesterday if he knew what my middle name was and he answered with a YES!!!

Your name is "MacKenzie Catholic Carvalho"

That is perfect - lets go with that!

(for the record my middle name is Kathleen)

Traffic

So Cabe went to a friend's house the other day and it was the first time I asked the driver to go and get him without me, so I was already a nervous wreck. I trust Wagner, the driver, completely but it is my little guy out in this big city and what it really boils down to is - I don't like to not have control.
In any case - i am embracing city life and this is part of it.
So - Cabe went to his friends house after school. The driver picked him up at his friends house at 5:30.
It is 5.8 miles away - Cabe arrived home at 8:45.
3hours and 15 minutes!!!!!

Raph and I called Wagner about every 20 minutes to make sure all was ok. He stopped once because Cabe needed to use the restroom and he bought Cabe a drink and snack!

Poor kid had not eat dinner - he normally eats at 6:30 and goes to sleep at 7:30 so needless to say he was starving and exhausted!

When they say traffic in Sao Paulo is the worst in the world - they mean it!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Non "Friction"

Cabe is really into non "friction" books right now. He gets to check a book out of the library every Tuesday. The past few weeks have seen the likes of frogs, planets, lizards, whales and so on...

Today's selection.... Wait for it.

The Ebola virus. Seriously?

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Cabe's journey to the giant teeth

They are huge, but so are my two front teeth, so he came by it honestly! Hopefully he will get my luck (not Raph's) and not have to wear braces either because our big giant teeth push all our little ones into place and we end up with a perfect set of teeth for FREE!

something i need to remind myself of more often...

But sometimes what I really want to say is....

Stop getting big on me!

Cabe's first day of 1st grade and Lea Maia's "first" day of Pre - K

(or it would have been if we were in the USA but her school year is January - December here in Brazil)

I wish they would stop getting big on me.

And they are all FREE!!!

We have been starting to make our christmas lists and Cabe just came to us and said, " Mom and Dad. Santa is so cool. he brings you all these presents for Christmas that you want and the best part is that they are all FREE!!!!"

little do you know my son....

Great saying

We yell at and love up our children....

That describes me as a parent perfectly. I feel awful when I lose my patience with them, but I also love them so much I could burst!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Excitement

Lea Maia just came to me full of excitement and said "MOM, it's Halloween!!!! That means the Easter bunny is coming!!!!

Hmmmm....

Cabe also said he woke up

this morning (Saturday) at 7:02am and said in his mind "oh sh....." I have two minutes to get dressed and ready before I miss the bus! So he brushed his teeth and got ready and then remembered it was Saturday.

He then said, "sorry mom for thinking a bad word. next time I will think oh sugar!"

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Royal Palms Resort

In Brazil they have dia das criancas .... it is a day to celebrate the children. So we decided to go to a resort about an hour outside of Sao Paulo that was for adults and children alike. It was one of those resorts that has activities for the children planned from 8:30AM - 10:00PM and we took full advantage!

On Friday morning Lea was diagnosed with strep throat and Cabe was diagnosed with pneumonia but we went anyway - the doctor told us both that the kids would be fine going since they were on antibiotics and that the children would be ok to swim - so we decided let's do it!

It was amazing. The kids had so much fun - it was so worth it to see how much fun they had. The place had a kids pool with a full "playground" inside of it. They had a huge "warm" tub that most of the children congregated in for the majority of the trip. They had this awesome place called Miniville where the children had a spaceship, castle, pirate ship, bunny house and park to play!

On top of that - they had so many other children's activities that Cabe and Lea joined and that gave Raph and I a little down time to ourselves. It was one of the best weekends we have had in a long time!

It was Logan's birthday so we showed him the giraffes on facetime!

These are the characters that live in Miniville. the parrot lives in the pirate ship. The spacedog in the space ship. The bunny in the bunny house and then they all use the castle!

Pink hair!

Dancing with daddy

They did a play every night for the children

They even had a pillow menu! I have never seen that before!