Mac has not been sleeping well, unless he's sleeping on top of me. I used to love snuggling up with my sweet baby boy, but now when I get up I find my 30 year old legs are asleep because I have been laying on my back for 3 hours. He cried all the time, so the only thing I can do to look half way presentable to the rest of the population is put on make up! One night this week, Josh had a late meeting with a doctor. I had no idea he would get home at a little before 7. I'm sure for most this would not have been a huge deal, but I'd been home with a screaming baby all day (by all day I mean Mac screams about 80% of the day, the other 20% he's asleep on top of me) and now Maddie Gray was flipping about dinner not being ready. Mac was screaming, Maddie Gray was whining, so I stood at the sink and screamed until my throat hurt. I felt much better, and all was right with the world again! Thankfully, our sweet pediatrician helped us to get in to see a GI specialist. Mac has colic, constipation/obstipation and reflux... Finally some answers! He is to continue taking his Prevacid, and now has to be bottle fed 3x a day, only taking 3 oz with 3 tablespoons of cereal, and is also taking Milk of Mag 3x a day! I thought that night after doing all these things Mac would be a different baby... He wasn't! I like instant gratification! I like to look at my size 4 jeans and be able to fit into them after eating all the "right" things and taking a quick jog around my sofa! I have had the pleasure of little sleep and being able to get into the shower and cry while Mac screamed just outside the door.

Everybody tells you when you are pregnant how wonderful motherhood is and how life changing having a child, or children, is going to be. What they fail to mention is that it's not always sunshine and roses, sometimes there's screaming and it can smell really bad, and that's just me! Here's the other part nobody tells you... the sweet smile on Mac's face when he sees me or hears me talking to him is indescribable or the way Maddie Gray comes running up to me after I pick her up from school. Nobody told me that the way both my kids smell after they've had a bath can bring a sense of calm over the entire house, or a least me. Mommy meltdowns are also OKAY! Nobody tells you that either, because I guess to some degree we all feel a little guilty for having them. Mommy's are people too, and sometimes our feelings get the better of us. Screaming and crying is okay every now and then. Crying cleanses the soul my mom would say to me. Screaming can just make you feel better!

Mac is nearly 3 months old! I can hardly believe how quickly how time has gone by. Bless his precious little heart, he's been through so much in his brief little life. A spinal tap, a hospital stay, and a trip to the GI doctor soon. He has reflux so bad and has to be on Prevacid and Zantac. The problem is the Prevacid stops him up, and he can't go to the bathroom without help. He's nearly 100% breastfed, so it should come out with no problem, but that's not the case. I have given up all diary in hopes that will help ease his problems, and if we do supplement, we've changed to a formula that's lactose free. I just feel so helpless as a parent. I'm supposed to be able to help him and make him feel better, and I can't. He sleeps on top of me because it helps his reflux and his tummy, but I don't sleep well. My hope had been once he got a little older and put some weight on (he's weighing in at 11 lbs 11 oz) then he would start to feel better. The thing is, we can't get in to see the GI doctor until March 13! That's too long to go with no relief for my sweet man, and his more than frazzled mommy.

I try so hard to make sure that Maddie Gray feels like she gets enough attention from me too, but I think I fall miserably short on that one. Mac eats up so much of time, because his tummy is so messed up. She's so sweet about everything though. She lets me do what I need to do with Mac and then bedtime is our time. I usually end up falling asleep in her bed with her until Josh comes in to get me. I know that the Lord has truly blessed me with two beautiful babies whose health isn't bad at all, I've just been given some challenges with sweet Baby Mac.