OUR LITTLE FAMILY....

I saw this saying on facebook the other day and I love it. I've heard it before, I've seen it before, but it really struck me as extra perfect when I saw it this time.  I am not great with words, I never have been one with flowery speech or able to make a big difference to anyone with the things that I say or think.  But one thing I do have going for me is my capacity to love.  I love my children more than I ever knew it would be possible to love.  Aspen, my sweet sweet Aspen, we prayed for her every single day for almost 5 years. I wanted to be a mom, and the timing was just never right, until it was her time.  From the moment I held that sweet baby in my arms, the moment she was born, I KNEW that all the waiting and praying and waiting and praying, it was all preparing me for her.  For that specific baby.  I know she is my daughter and she was meant to be in our family, it just wasn't time yet.  I had never in all my life felt such an overwhelming rush of emotion as what I felt when I saw my baby, my Aspen, being born.  I knew my life would never be the same.  I knew the world would never be the same.  Aspen changed me, she changed our lives and she opened my heart to give and receive more love than I ever knew existed.  And yes, though she is not of my flesh and blood, but she is just as much my child as my biological children are.  She grew in my heart.  She changed my heart.  She is going to make a huge difference in this world.  She has this zest and passion for life, she is just awesome.  Amazing.  Incredible.  And as I go through life with her, and she asks more questions about her adoption and her birth parents, I hope she feels all of the love that all of these families have for her.  She is loved by so many more than just our family.  She has extra prayers, extra angels watching out for her.  She is loved by her birth mother so much, as she told me when Aspen was born, "I am not giving her up, I am giving her more."  That is true and unselfish love.  I am so blessed to have been touched by adoption.  I would never change any of it, all those years of tears and heartache and struggle, I wouldn't take any of it back, because without that, I wouldn't have my Aspen in my life.  I ramble.  I just love her and I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who was watching out for me and for my little girl, who guided the paths that would lead us together to be a forever family.  And I am grateful for my Mia and my Isaac, who are also miracles in our lives.  :)  I am just feeling blessed and loved.  :)  Yay me.  :)

Mia Bedia turned 4 on June 25.  I still can't get pics on my computer.  So just like with Aspen's, I'll add some later.  :)  Believe me, there are PLENTY of pics.  hehe.  Here is Mia's birthday interview.   This is the first year that she hasn't even hesitated or stopped to think about her answers. 

1. Height and Weight: 36", 27 lbs
2. Favorite Color: "pink and purple"
3. Favorite Food: "oatmeal! and macaroni and cheese, but not the gluten free kind, the kind that you make with real cheese. and gluten free pancakes." 
4. Favorite Movie: "Lady and the Tramp"
5. Favorite Game: "Goldfish, goldfish."
6. Favorite Book: "Charlotte's Web"
7. Favorite Treat: "suckers"
8. Favorite Toy: "babies and unicorns"
9. Favorite Song: "oh you better watch out, you better not cry" Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
10. Favorite Activity: "my favorite thing to do is practice my fast running. I like to do my fast running and run in races and I only like to win.  Want to watch me do my fast running now?"  and off she goes.  :)  She loves to go to the track and race with Aspen, and does NOT like it when/if Aspen beats her. Its pretty cute.  :)
11. Favorite Outfit: "dress up clothes.  But only pretty ones that make me look beautiful."
12. What makes you happy: "when people tell me I am beautiful and when people hug me.And that I am going to marry Santa." (it cracks me up, she has been saying since November last year she is going to marry Santa and she hasn't stopped talking about it since."
13. What makes you sad: "when Isaac calls me a poopy butt and when we don't go to someone's house."
14. Who is your best friend(s): "Peyton and Myles and Aspen and sometimes Isaac, but only when he doesn't call me a poopy butt"
15. Why are you excited to be 4: "because I am even beautifuller when I'm 4.  And I can go to preschool."
16. What do you want to be when you grow up: "a mom and a fast runner and a fast running mom. and a gymnastics girl."
17. Your testimony: "I love Heavenly Father and Jesus and having birthdays.  And Heavenly Father loves me because I love Him and when I love Him it makes Him love me."
18. Personality traits: sweet and sour.  :)  strong willed, kind-hearted, thoughtful (you always get me a drink of water when I come back from running and its so thoughtful and sweet!), really fun, snuggly, loving and affectionate.  And can be very mean if crossed.   Yikes.  Tendency toward shyness.
19. Our thoughts about you from the last year: Oh Mia Mia Mia.  We love you tremendously.  You are the sweetest of the sweet and then you can be the exact opposite of that when you are mad.  You love to run around and climb and jump.  You say you want to be a gymnastics girl and a mom when you grow up, and you practice both of those things a LOT.  You like to tell your little brother what to do and you take such good care of your baby dolls.  You are affectionate and come up to me and kiss me no less than 7 times a day.  You are always telling us that you love us.  You like for people to tell you that you are beautiful, and you are a beautful little girl, but more important than your outward beauty is the beauty and the loving spirit you are inside.  Cultivate loving kindness and that is what truly makes someone beautiful.  WE love you sweet Mia and could not imagine our lives and our family without the spunkiness and fun you bring to us. Happy Birthday! 

Aspen turned 5 on June 12.  I have been waiting until I can get a good amount of pics to the computer before I do her birthday post, but its getting so much after her birthday....ugh....and I can't get them on.  SO I am going to type out her interview and I'll add pics in later.  :)  Aspen was SO excited to turn 5!!!  Here is a little about her, in her own words, of course.  :)
1. Height and Weight: 43", 42.6 lbs
2.What is your favorite color: "Green and red"
3.What is your favorite food: "Skabetti and cheese"
4. What is your favorite movie: "The Little Mermaid and Alladin"
5. What is your favorite game: "Hot Potato"
6. What is your favorite book: "My joke book and books that rhyme like cook and book and hook."
7. What is your favorite treat: "Chocolate"
8. What is your favorite toy: "Littlest Pet Shop and Lollaloopsies"
9. What is your favorite song: "Moves like Jagger" and she proceeds to sing and dance!  :)
10. What is your favorite activity: "Playing puzzles and swimming"
11.What is your favorite outfit: "A hummingbird costume"
12. What makes you happy: "that you love me and help me clean up, and that grandma loves me"
13. What makes you sad: "When red ants climb in my pants and bite my bum"
14. Who is your best friend(s): "My sister Mia and my brother Isaac.  And Peyton and Myles."
15. Why are you excited to be 5: "So I can go to kindergarten and ride the school bus and get my ears pierced.  And so I can be as old as Peyton."
16. What do you wnt to be when you grow up: "a teenager!"
17. What is your testimony: "Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so much because they want me to be happy and gave me a mommy and a daddy"  (that one made me so happy to hear. :)
18. Personality Traits: Outgoing, imaginative (extremely, like you come up with the wildest stories that are both off the wall and super super creative...and sometimes a little creepy! haha!), friendly, empathetic, kind, thoughtful, loving, super affectionate.  :) 
19. Our thoughts about you from the last year: I don't have words to describe just how awesome you are, Aspen.  I have been super emotional with you turning 5.  Because it was 5 years we waited for you and now you have been in our family for 5 years.  You are growing so fast and I just want to hold you close and keep you little just a bit longer.  But you won't have that!  You are on the go and learning and growing and you are so much fun, you have an amazing zest for life.  You tell some pretty big outlandish tales, you just have the biggest imagination.  Many many people have commented that they hope you write books someday.  I try to write down a lot of the funny things that you say so we can remember them.  You make friends so easily and people really are drawn to you and your outgoing, welcoming personality.  You like most people and you are a good friend.  You stick up for others and you are very protective of your brother and sister.  You pick on them, but you sure won't let anyone else do it.  We love you so much and we love how loving and affectionate you are.  You have been so looking forward to turning 5, its to cute.  You are very smart and love learning.  You are interested in how things work.  You are helpful and responsible. We could not ask for a better Aspen. We love you for all you are and for who you are.  Happy birthday, sweet girl.  :)

Aspen graduated from preschool last night. It was a fun year for her and I think we she is ready for Kindergarten. I'm still not too keen on the whole all day, everyday kindergarten, but she is excited so that's what matters. :) But more on that later.

They had a cute little graduation ceremony where the "graduating" kiddos wore caps and gowns an all the kiddos sang a couple really cute songs. Then they got their little diplomas and flipped their tassels and threw their hats. Although Aspen couldn't quite get her tassel to switch sides in a timely manner so she was pretty much the last one to throw her hat. She was happy and smiling and it was so cute and fun to watch all these little kids so proud of themselves. :) Here are a few pics of the affair.  


Aspen before heading to graduation. (its a pic off my cell phone, hence the poor quality...but she's so cute, I needed to put it here. :)

Catalina, Breelynne and Aspen walking in....

My sweet girl. Love her so much. She's so not shy! hehe.

Getting ready to sing "Color Kite."  Super cute

Breelynne, Aspen and Kasen

Catalina, Breelynne, Peyton, Aspen, Kasen, Austyn singing and squishing their Baby Bumblebee. So cute! :) The younger kids in the class that have one more year of preschool: Jalyna (and her awesome mom, Brynn), Theron, Elijah, Tralyn and Jerika.

All of the kiddos moving up to Kindergarten: Catalina, Breelynne, Peyton, Aspen, Kasen, Austyn, Lilly and Kase.

Ms. Katy giving Aspen her little diploma

I LOVE this picture. Look at Aspen's face! This girl gets SOOOOOOO excited about things. Ms. Katy passed out these little tote bags with their diplomas, a book and a few other little things inside and just look at the excitement on Aspen's face looking at all the treasure. I love her so much. She is such an incredible little girl. :) :) :)

Aspen and Peyton

The cupcakes I made for the kidddos. :) Thank you, pinterest. :)

We are super proud of Aspen and all of her friends and grateful to Ms. Katy, a great teacher that all the kids love. :)

Oh my, how quickly two years have gone by. Our sweet boy is now 2! Holy Smokes. So in keeping with tradition, here is his birthday interview. I asked him all the questions, but he is two. So I will fill in the blanks for him. Any answer in quotation marks is a direct quote from Sir Isaac himself. :)

1. Height and Weight: 34.75", 31.2 lbs.

2. Favorite Color: "Orange" (he LOVES all things orange - orange shirts, orange balls, oranges, cheese, etc.)

3. Favorite Food: "Nut-tay-yah san-ish" (nutella sandwich! He truly would eat nutella for every meal and snack, everyday....if I'd let him. A close second is cheese. That's my boy!) He really is the most adventurous eater that I have. He will try any food, and really eats just about anything I put in front of him. He's not a HUGE fan of kale or peas, but other than that, he eats most anything without complaint.

4. Favorite Movie: "uh....pokio!" (Pinnochio)

5. Favorite Game: "Hide and seek"

6. Favorite Book: "Uh...Monsser book" (Monster book - its called "I See A Monster" and its VERY cute. He cannot take a nap or go to bed without reading it first. A close second is The Very Hungry Caterpillar)



7. Favorite Treat: "Nut-tay-yah" (again, nutella. I wasn't kidding, this boy loves that stuff.)

8. Favorite Toy: "Mine hammer." (Really he likes anything that its "ok" to hit things with. He walks around hitting things with his toy hammer all the time and says "i fix it!" Its very hard to get mad at that. After all, he IS being helpful. :) He also enjoys balls and anything that is round that he can throw and call a ball...like fruit...)And he also totes around this little dog most days. :)
9. Favorite Activity: Running and climbing and jumping and digging and bringing dirt presents into my house...and annoying his sisters. He finds great pleasure out of doing things that make them scream or cry. Its actually sort of humorous to watch it all go down...
He is SO SO SO active, but he also enjoys snuggling on the couch and reading. He will sit still for food and for books, that's about it. He enjoys being outside more than anything. :)



10. Favorite Outfit: "Mine moose hat!" This silly moose hat is on his head day in and day out. He won't come out of his room in the mornings without his moose hat and shoes on. I made the mistake of washing his hat in the middle of the day a couple months ago, and he cried and said over and over again, (while throwing himself on the ground repeatedly in front of the washing maching)"mine moose hat! need mine moose hat!" So now, I have to sneak it off his head after he goes to sleep to wash it (because he insists on wearing it to sleep as well). He is one silly boy. :) He does sometimes wear other hats, but by far, his favorite is the moose hat.
11. What makes you happy: All he answered to this one, was "I happy, I happy!" And indeed, he is. He is a very cheerful little munchkin. He is easy to smile and has a contagious laugh. He is a complete joy to have around and makes our family and our life so much fun.




12. What makes you sad: when he doesn't have his moose hat. He also gets really sad when I leave him. He says "don't leave me, mommy." and it breaks my heart. Granted, I don't really leave him very often, but its sooooo sad when he says that.

13. Who are your best friends: "Appen :) and Mia mine best friends." And they are. He adores his big sisters, even though he likes to torment them. The kids all actually get along pretty well for the most part. They like to fight, as any siblings do, but I am really fortunate that they play as well together as they do. I used to think the sweetest words I'd ever hear out of my kids mouths were "i love you, mommy." But sweeter than that is when they tell each other they love each other. That is so much sweeter. And it makes my heart soar and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

14. Your testimony: Isaac doesn't quite understand what a testimony is yet, but he says wonderful prayers and talks about Heavenly Father and Jesus and he knows they love him. :)

15. Personality Traits: Silly, rambunctious, affectionate (he always says "tuggle (snuggle) me" when he needs a little love. And daddy can't leave without Isaac giving him a hug and a kiss. He also is quick to say sorry and "i tiss (kiss) it" when he's hurt someone. Sometimes I think he hits just so he can "tiss" it better.) He is very funny and laughs a lot, happy, a little mischevious, VERY smart, very coordinated. Not that being coordinated is a personality trait, but he is super coordinated. He can run and kick a soccer ball like a pro (or a 5 year old! haha!) He is rowdy and he can be quiet when he wants to. He is very polite, says "pease" "tank you" and "no tanks" approapriately and often. He is just a rowdy boy with a sweet disposition and a good, big, tender heart. We love him so much.

16. Our thoughts about you from the last year: Oh monkey munchkin Isaac. You were such a mellow baby that I thought maybe I'd finally have a mellow munchkin, but alas, that was not meant to be. You are by far, the most active and hard to keep up with little boy I have ever had the pleasure to be around. But you are awesome. You are inquisitive and so smart. You always ask "what's that" and like to figure out how things work. You like to tinker around, I think you get that from daddy. You like to play in the dirt and be outside, running, jumping, just playing and enjoying life to the fullest. Life with you around will never be dull. Sometimes its exhausting trying to keep up with you, but you are just enjoying all that this beautiful world has to offer you. You make me smile, Isaac, smile when I think about you and smile when I see you and when I am with you. We love you and we love your zest for life. You are adventurous (which terrifies me) and you seem to have no fear. You're so stinking coordinated that you can do things that I don't feel like you're old enough to do. Good thing for daddy who forces me to let you do more. You have an awesome vocabulary. You say big words and have great sentences. You are smart and you pick up on things so quickly. The saddest thing, for me, that happened to you this year was daddy cut all of your beautiful blonde curls off! While I was at the grocery store! And he didn't save any of it, or even take a picture! This is what I came home to:
Mommy was so so so so sad. I seriously set my groceries down and cried. So the next time daddy cut your hair, I made sure to get some pictures.

You think pockets and rocks are just fantastic. You get super excited about pockets. Its adorable how you walk around with your hands in your pockets and puts "woks in mine pocks." It reminds me of how Aspen used to say that when she was your age, so I double smile when I hear it. :)
Oh sweet Isaac..hugs and kisses, "tuggles" laughing and wrestling, tickles and playing, all of the crazy little boy things you do, they all add up to the greatest, cutest, most wonderful son we could ever ask for! We love you, Isaac Malo Hasselblad. Happy Birthday, little love bug.

I love this little boy. He is rambunctious, wild, loving, affectionate, sweet and has a touch of mischievous naughtiness. And he REALLY likes hats and shoes. Check out the purple princess shoes...adds the perfect touch, don't ya think? ;-) He's kind of been having a rough week. He had an eye appointment on Wednesday, where they told me that his wandering eye could be fixed surgically and so they referred me to an eye surgeon in Portland. In the meantime, I am supposed to patch his good eye for 3-4 hours a day. YEAH RIGHT! We've tried pretending he's a pirate, and all sorts of bribes. The kid is not interested. at all. And he's not even 2 yet (though its only a week and a half away...but still), so how can I expect him to be on board with this blasted eye patch?!? Anyway, I'll keep trying. But yesterday he woke up with pink eye. Got him his medicine for it, and he screams bloody murder when I put it in his eyes. Between that patch idea and eye meds, he probably thinks I'm just trying to torture him. And then....last night, he started throwing up...he's still doing it. And we just added diarrhea to the list this morning. *sigh* my poor baby boy. Its so sad because he's SO HAPPY all the time, so his sad, pathetic whines are even more sad....here's to hoping this doesn't last long...

I haven't updated on this blog in such a long time, its almost a joke for me to even try to keep it up. But I am going to try. Not for anyone but me. I don't even know if anyone follows this anymore, which is ok, this post specifically is just for me to vent a little. Because I have been having a rough time. I've spent almost the last year worrying about my mom, and now that she is definitely on the road up, in the clear-ish, I realize how much focus on my own life and family I have lost. Mostly me. My kids are fine and always my number one priority. So I guess between mom and the kids, I have truly forgotten to take time for me. My Uncle Sam passed away a few weeks ago, lymphoma. Cancer again. Its te worst word in my vocabulary. He was like a father to me, he was an amazing man and a kind and funny person. While at his funeral, someone asked me what I've been doing for me, for fun, for ME, lately. I had nothing. Nothing at all. I laughed at his suggestion. Like I have time for ME. All of my energy is focused elsewhere. ALL of it. I give ALL I have to my family. Its truly ALL i have right now. But perhaps that is the problem. Maybe I would have MORE to give, MORE to give, if only I took some time for me every now and again. Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy. I am just depleted. I love my family, I love my children more than I have words to say, and I would do anything for them. But maybe, just maybe, I could do MORE for them if I did more for me. Maybe my cup needs to be filled so that I can have MORE to give. By the end of every day, I am exhausted. I have given my all, every single day. But that means that I have nothing left for my husband, either. We put the kids down at 7 and by then, I am done. I am exhausted. I am tired. I have used all I have to teach, create, play, teach my children. And I am more than happy to do it. Its just by the end of the day, I can't do anything else.

I haven't been reading my scriptures as I should, I read with the kids and I teach them from the scriptures, but I haven't been studying them for ME. I am going to start. I haven't been to the temple since I was pregnant with Isaac. I am going to MAKE the time to go. I haven't been excercising consistently all fall and winter, which has led to weight gain and even less energy. I am going to get back into it. I haven't been on a date with my husband in forever. I am going to make time for that.

Where am I going to find the time for these 4 things that I know I need to do? First of all, I am going to pray for strength and energy and guidance. And then I am going to shut the stupid computer off in the evenings, when I waste time on facebook or pinterest. I am going to limit that time to 10min or so a day for awhile, until I can get back to where I need to be. I will use that time to study my scriptures, to take a nice bath, to relax (instead of mindless vegging and to spend some time actually talking to the man that I love. Talk that doesn't involve the "plan" for the next day, but actual talking. And listening. Because I haven't been listening to him, he is so busy and the times that he wants to talk, I have been busy cleaning up or too tired to pay attention to him. But I love him and its not showing very much love or respect to our love and our marriage if we don't make time for each other. So I am going to make sure we have at least one date a month. Just me and him, no kids. Though family time is so important, we need to have couple time. I know if should be weekly, but I am trying to be realistic here. I am making a goal of once a month. I will make sure it happens at least once a month. If more than that, GREAT! But once a month is the goal. And to attend the temple once a month is another thing that will happen. Whether by myself or with Malo, it WILL happen.

And the other thing...the exercise. I know that not working out really makes my energy levels drop. But when I am so tired, it is so hard to even think about exercising. But that is the only way I am going to get more, is to use more! So....daily. Today it will start. Daily. That doesn't mean I am going to run 400 miles a day, but I will do something at least 30min a day. And I will get up in the morning, before the kids do, and do it. Every day.

So hopefully if I make these 4 changes, hopefully that will help get me back to where I need to be. So that I can be a better wife and a better mom, a better daughter and sister, a better friend. I can't be there for others if I am not taking better care of me. So for all of those important relationships in my life that I am not doing enough for, for all of them, I will make sure to do my four goals here. :)