I'm not really this crazy-

So for those of you who don't know, Sam recently got a new job and works nights. A couple nights ago I was sitting on the couch watching TV while playing a video game on the computer. (I'm a gifted multi-tasker.) The TV and computer were both turned up fairly loud when suddenly I hear something outside. I heard something really really loud coming from outside. Not only coming from outside, but it sounded like it was coming from right behind me. I don't know what exactly it was, but it sounded like someone was throwing something heavy at the side of the house... or at the window and missed... or something. I muted the TV, and shut off the computer and tried to look outside- couldn't see anything. I heard footsteps coming from right under the window and then those stopped, but I heard a car start and drive away.

So I called sam and told him I think someone was just trying to get into the house. He tells me to call the police. It felt like about 20 minutes later, but in all actuality it was probably only about 5, but the police got there sometime soon after. They checked out the yard and the neighborhood and didn't find anything. They told me to call them immediately if I heard anything else. I didn't, but I also didn't calm down for about 4 hours after that... so not till around 5am. the only way I felt safe was to sit between the front door and the back door holding an ax for safety. I know- what the hell am I going to do with an ax... nothing but inevitably hurt myself that is... regardless though I didn't want to set it down, so I carried it around everywhere all night- and I mean everywhere. Even to the bathroom. It's not easy to pee while holding an ax.... just a little bizarre FYI for you...

So now the funny part of the story. I just got a new job and I was supposed to start the following morning. I didn't calm down though till about 5am, so I didn't get to sleep till about 6am... and I was supposed to wake up and get ready for work around 9:30am. I overslept about half an hour, and when I did wake up I was kind of panicked about being late so I got ready really really fast. About 5 minutes before I need to leave Sam looks at me and says "hey did you know you have a hole in your pants?"

OF COURSE I don't know! If I did I wouldn't be wearing them!! I should note here- the job is at a country club and my pants are black slacks. I only owned 2 pairs, and one of them is MIA. I start panicking! I can't wear pants with a hole in the butt, but I can't wear jeans either. So Sam helps me look for my other pair of slacks, and then when I couldn't find them I tried to find a pair of black scrub bottoms that maybe i could wear... and when I can't find those I start to really really freak out. At this point, I should have left about 5 minutes ago and I don't have pants and I'm going to be late for my first day of work. Then I saw a pair of black pants on the bed... they're Sam's work pants. I'm desperate though! I HAVE to get going! So I try them on, thinking that Sam is about 2 inches taller than me so the pants should probably work for a day and then I'll go buy new ones.

Sam may be 2 inches taller than me, but while my height is all in my legs, is is all in his torso. His pants are about 5 inches to short for me. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place- hole in butt of pants, or 5 inches of hairy leg showing... I go with the hairy leg.... I pull the pants down as far as they can go without showing any torso, and I only show 2 inches of leg. So I get to work and find my boss. First thing he says to me is "will you tuck in your shirt?" I can't... it doesn't reach... it would if I pulled my pants up, but that leads to a whole new dilemma...

So I told my boss everything that happened the night before and that morning. When I told him I was actually wearing my boyfriends pants he started laughing and told me to go home- get some sleep, buy some pants, and come back the next day to start.

yeah...

Don't know how I could have possibly made a stranger impression...