It's been a whirlwind of emotions, meetings, and long days. So much to write and so little comprehension on how to put it into writing.
Being sober is trippy. Like, I took a year off of pot before, but I drank whiskey like a mother fucker. This is 20 days dry, smoke free, and hallucinogenic free. I've been to several meetings, maybe not as many as I should. In fact - I just looked up some AA meetings but the damn website aint working. Writing will be my meeting tonight.
I've shared at a few meetings, well pretty much every meeting I've been too in the past 2 weeks. I even led a meeting - which basically consists of reading the piece of paper they hand you. But everyone makes eye contact with you.
I need a sponsor. I need to start working the steps. I see a long road ahead of me. I mean, really? I can't drink? Is can't the right word? I won't drink?
Maybe I should start a public, anonymous blog. Something that is public, but no one knows it's me. Jesus, I can't write. I've mispelled every other word. I even mis-spelled mis-eplled. WTF?!
I haven't really been around weed. I don't really have the urge to get high. I don't even know how I would act, or what I would do. I'd probably just sit around hating myself inside of my own head. But I'd hafta go behind my wife's back and lie to her - which I haven't done since I stopped smoking. Hell - I even admit I flirt with bartenders. Ha. Guess that won't be happening now.
Music sounds gooooood. I haven't heard music like this in a while. I feel like I could write music.
There's so much I want to do, but so little time. I'm so tired after my kids are in bed, and after I spend time with my wife to do much. I want to paint, I want to play guitar, I want to record an album, I want to play video games, I want to focus on my business. I want to start a new blog - to watch movies - to mediate.
I think it's going to be harder to not drink. Really? I can't drink ever again? I mean - I understand it, I guess... sort of. If I drink, get drunk, los ambitions, I may smoke weed. And if I have a hit of weed it's all gone. All 20 days, plus 4 years of marriage down the drain. Who would give me a hit of weed? I'm sure I could find it at a party - but fuuuuckkk I would get so high there's no way I could hide it. And I don't want to hide anything. So ok - don't drink. Even if I'm in my own home though? And there is no weed? And only a glass of wine at dinner? But really? Would it really only be a glass? I mean - there would be a whole 'nother bottle. And there's a shit ton of bottles 3 blocks down the street at the liquor store. To cure the disease, never let the culprit into you body. At all.
Fuck.
A nice cold beer sounded great today in the heat. Or a sparkling glass of cold champagne.
I think I'm mourning the loss of my usage. As much as I don't want to smoke or drink it's like I lost a friend.
Being sober is trippy. Like, I took a year off of pot before, but I drank whiskey like a mother fucker. This is 20 days dry, smoke free, and hallucinogenic free. I've been to several meetings, maybe not as many as I should. In fact - I just looked up some AA meetings but the damn website aint working. Writing will be my meeting tonight.
I've shared at a few meetings, well pretty much every meeting I've been too in the past 2 weeks. I even led a meeting - which basically consists of reading the piece of paper they hand you. But everyone makes eye contact with you.
I need a sponsor. I need to start working the steps. I see a long road ahead of me. I mean, really? I can't drink? Is can't the right word? I won't drink?
Maybe I should start a public, anonymous blog. Something that is public, but no one knows it's me. Jesus, I can't write. I've mispelled every other word. I even mis-spelled mis-eplled. WTF?!
I haven't really been around weed. I don't really have the urge to get high. I don't even know how I would act, or what I would do. I'd probably just sit around hating myself inside of my own head. But I'd hafta go behind my wife's back and lie to her - which I haven't done since I stopped smoking. Hell - I even admit I flirt with bartenders. Ha. Guess that won't be happening now.
Music sounds gooooood. I haven't heard music like this in a while. I feel like I could write music.
There's so much I want to do, but so little time. I'm so tired after my kids are in bed, and after I spend time with my wife to do much. I want to paint, I want to play guitar, I want to record an album, I want to play video games, I want to focus on my business. I want to start a new blog - to watch movies - to mediate.
I think it's going to be harder to not drink. Really? I can't drink ever again? I mean - I understand it, I guess... sort of. If I drink, get drunk, los ambitions, I may smoke weed. And if I have a hit of weed it's all gone. All 20 days, plus 4 years of marriage down the drain. Who would give me a hit of weed? I'm sure I could find it at a party - but fuuuuckkk I would get so high there's no way I could hide it. And I don't want to hide anything. So ok - don't drink. Even if I'm in my own home though? And there is no weed? And only a glass of wine at dinner? But really? Would it really only be a glass? I mean - there would be a whole 'nother bottle. And there's a shit ton of bottles 3 blocks down the street at the liquor store. To cure the disease, never let the culprit into you body. At all.
Fuck.
A nice cold beer sounded great today in the heat. Or a sparkling glass of cold champagne.
I think I'm mourning the loss of my usage. As much as I don't want to smoke or drink it's like I lost a friend.
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