ItzaLoveThing: November 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

What am I Thankful for?

Well lets see, first and foremost I am thankful that God is not done with me an I still get to see my baby grow, I am thankful that she and I are healthy and that God is not done with her either. I am thankful for those that I can call true friends, those that will tell me when I am wrong and not talk about me behind my back, I am thankful for those that have been honest enough to tell me what has been said. Those that do not bring negativity to my life because they know I have enough on my plate and do not need anything added. Those that I feel 100% comfortable to cry in front. I am thankful for the knowledge to be able to know the difference of someone who is trying to poison your life or not. I am thankful for the beyond supportive fiance that I have, for all the help my mom has stepped up to do with pook. I am thankful for the relationships that have blossomed over the last two years.

It is amazing how death will open your eyes to things and people. The past is the past and I will move forward like I have been. I have forgiven, but def keeping my eyes open.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Wedding DIY projects

Keep in mind you can actually do this project for any occasion.So I have a few in mind that I want to do that I have found. Here is the DIY Photo Card Box that I absolutely love. I found them here and here. My version is not totally completed yet, but here are a few pics. You can find the directions on both links listed, and really it was pretty simple. I would recommend having another set of hands, and not using frames with felt backing and table top stands. You will see in the pics that I have removed the tabletop stands. Also we used a spinning spice rack from target that works just fine. The screws I used were #6 1/2, the spice rack I used was a 12", I have covered it with black duck tape and plan on wrapping it with a dark brow ribbon to give it a finished look. For the L brackets were 1-1/2 however for the lid I recommend a smaller size. I will update as soon as I have the lid perfected.

Inside here is where you can see that I cut the tabletop stands off. If I want to reuse after the wedding they will only be hanging frames

Here is the spice rack attached that will allow it to spin

Here is where you can see the duct tape that will later be covered by a brown ribbon

Here is the final product without pictures

This was made for our engagement pictures, but I just wanted to see how it would look with pics. Updates pics will be posted as soon as I get some printed.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

When I look at

her many things come to mind, some good, some bad, some happy and some sad. there are things this child does that are just so much like her father that it truly baffles and amazes me. Right now she has this thing she does with our dog Chuy, she likes to throw her food to feed her and watch her chase it, Josiah did this exact same thing when we had Buster. She is amazing, so happy and full of life, she keeps me on my toes, she keeps me going in more ways than one. I love her to pieces and am beyond thankful that she is mine! He would be beyond amazed at how smart she is!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Memories Flooding In!

It is amazing how one little picture can bring back so many memories. Memories, of good times, bad times, happy times and sad times. My mom was the only person that was able to capture us both on our bikes. What's amazing is that the one reason my husband decided we should get bikes is because he always knew I wanted to ride. He thought that it would be something we could do together. Well me and my selfish, young minded ways never really took to much advantage of the together part with our bikes. I was too into partying at the time to see how special a moment like that is. needless to say we both took the class together at Delmar High school. We both passed, we both took our written test at DMV and passed. I found my bike first. It was my dream bike Honda CBR600F4I. I loved everything about my bike especially after we integrated the tail lights. Josiah rode my bike from Santa Clara to south San Jose. I remember being so scared for him. then it was his turn we went and found the bike he liked and purchased it. We learned fast that Honda's were a lil harder to get into mechanics wise then his Suzuki. We got to share a couple moments on the road together, but I think just as much as he wanted us to ride together he felt that girls could not ride as well as guys. He took off with this new passion, started buying tools, started becoming mechanic, learning every aspect of the bike. He became a GREAT rider. I knew that if it was a riding day that he would begone 4-5 hours that day. Since we worked together and usually took lunches together we had a little schedule that would allow us our free time as well as our family time. I later found out from many people that as much as he was not a leader on his bike he was one. I remember when we moved into our home and we moved the bikes over here, now mind you I was pregnant. So I remember asking him what would you do if our daughter wants to ride, his answer was "hell no" this is how much he felt that guys just knew the logistics, and mechanics of riding and gravity etc. I remember telling him that would be slightly hypocritical cuz mommy and daddy have bikes. I remember when we sold his 750 and upgraded to his gsxr1000. He let me ride it once, and I came back asking him if we could trade, of course the answer was no. I remember when we found out I was pregnant I could not ride and one day he said go ahead ride it around the block, I was barely ending the 1st trimester, the feeling was great so at 6 months I asked hey can I take it around the block again and he said hell no LMFAO. It was worth a try though. When we sold my bike he let me ride it through first franklins parking lot one last time. I remember the first time he took his bike to the track. It was not even 9:30am when I get a text saying "I am done for the day, had a great time though" my crazy ass calls him cuz i was thinking some one was being a dick to him his full day all to find out that he totaled his bike, but regardless of that he had a blast LOL, and even though I asked him not to ride anyone else's bike in case he drops it he still rode Art's that day (pic below). I know that has probably come to some random ass ramblings but hopefully it all makes sense, and even if it doesn't to you it does to me. I am almost ecstatic to know that can remember all of this. As happy as I am to have found the pics, to a certain degree it makes me miss him. Like I have mentioned before I know he died doing what he loved, but sometimes that is not enough to take the pain away.

We actually have quite a few pics torturing our baby on our bikes LOL

It's amazing, I remember this day like yesterday. She was too young to remember us on our bikes yet she is was such a natural. My heart sank!

R.I.P Baby we miss you and love you ALWAYS!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Pooks Ballet

So I had decided to enroll Pook in classes as she wished. We started with gymnastics and moved into tap and ballet, at first she did not like tap because the shoes made too much noise. needles to say she ended her 6 weeks with a small recital that of course her family bombarded LOL. When she was done certificates were handed out and we managed to scream so loud that she got scared and almost forgot to grab her certificate LMFAO

Some of her stalkers LOL

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Eye Opener

As most widows/ers know our perspective on life has been changed forever. There are things that happen that I would call eye openers. First and foremost even though I have found love again I worry about being a single parent and something happening to me. Last night in our AJ class something came up that opened my eyes, and whether any one agrees with the choices/decisions I make they are mine, and I am going to do what I feel is right for me and mine. So in class we were discussing parties and how if a "bad (dirty) cop" happens to come in smells drugs etc and you are there with your child the possibility of what can happen. Basically it is up to the cop if he feels the child has been neglected, feels that you are under the influence then he can get CPS involved, and possibly remove your child from you and the situation. Yes, I am aware this can happen anywhere, yes, I am aware this can happen eve in my own home if I allow for certain things to be in my home. But with all of my change and with my fear of losing my child and her not having another parent to go to it made me wonder if it is even worth it. I do not judge others or count their drinks to each their own, but I will be making choices to ensure that my child never has to be in certain situations, and I do not think I should be knocked for that. All in all it is my life and my choice! There have been bad choices that I have made in my life, and there have been good ones. I feel that this is a good one!

Finally Ready

So for the last couple weeks I have been tested on many levels, tested to the point where I knew I needed some much needed me evaluation time. This is never easy, but needed to be done. To this day not many people know what is bothering me, and it may remain that way. but regardless of what after my self evaluation couple of days of darkness, gloom, confusion, sadness, so not happy mood I have come to the conclusion that I am all good. Don't get me wrong so not perfect still need to work on a few things that I will make my new years resolution and will start working on as of now, but I am pretty damn close to where I wanna be in life emotionally, and amazingly even physically. I had to recheck my self, had to remind myself not to take things personal. Once again learning who is really there for me. I had to learn to appreciate that vs those who aren't. I learned that I have changed in MANY ways some that I never thought could possibly happen. Now please don't get this twisted, there are many things I knew already, such as life is full of tests, such as all of the things I mentioned above. Fully aware but every once in a while it still gets to you and you feel as if you have to relearn it all. And at times when you have had a ultimate test such as your husband dyeing, you come to a point where you wonder when will the testing end, shouldn't I have a get out of jail fee pass? Guess what the answer to that is....NO...nothing in life is free and I am just thankful that He is not done with me. Not sure what is left of me but apparently He has big plans for me. All in all I have come out of my days of depression. I came out knowing who is by my side no matter what is going on, came out knowing I am loved beyond words by some, came out knowing that life is great and I am in control of how I let the small things affect me. Came out knowing it will be ok, and I am grateful for all i do have and the fact that I get to wake up every morning to a new life!