ItzaLoveThing

Yes, only 2 days ago our daughter turned 5. he was not here to see all her expressions in LA, he was not here to hear her lil voice tell me how much she loved her birthday, not here to see her learn to write her name, not here for her first day of school in 2 days, he has not been here for 3 years now. It's amazing that no matter how much i can try to avoid my feelings of his death it's this day that it all comes crashing down on me. I can remember every moment of that day as if it was yesterday. Who would have thought one ride would lead to this. I am assured that yes it was just his time, but sometimes thatisn't a good enough response to myself. I still have no regrets about our relationship and know how much I/we were loved by him, but I do cherish every dream with him, especially when I get to hear his voice. We have not watched videos of him since the first year, but I am looking forward to the day that pook wants to watch videos of him, there are so many with her and him. Pook knows who her daddy is, and loves him, and misses him very much. And once again just because I am happy with my life today does not mean in any way that we have forgotten Josiah, he is a part of our everyday life. I am thankful for the years I got with him. I guess I just wish my baby got as many years as I did.

The other day I was thinking about the day/week he died, the people that were around day and night. Things people said etc. It's amazing to look back now and see how many people are not around now, how many people have walked in our life and never walked back out. We are blessed that is for sure!

Today will be a day of celebration just like any other year, celebrating a great man (with faults just like any one else), great father, great brother, friend, husband! Today is a day that no matter what you will definitely stop to think of him, and smile!

RIP Josiah 3/25/81-8/15/2007

Is what I will not do! I am too old and have been through too much to have to wonder what mood someone is in, and if they were in a good mood at the beginning if their mood has slighted shifted to bad and I now have to worry about what I jokingly say and pay attention to the possibility that they are now aggressive. I deserve to be around positive not dramatic people, that I know. I will be doing everything in my power to make sure I am surrounded by good vibes! I am not out to hurt, offend, or upset anyone. If you choose to victimize yourself, put stuff in your head that you believe people are saying/doing that is on you. Going back to one of my favorite quotes "I am responsible for what I say, but not for how you take it." At the end of the day I know what my intentions are and I am not gonna put up with being disrespected for absolutely nothing. There is no excuses to treat people badly, treat people the way you want to be treated period. Misery loves company for sure and I want no part of it. I have enough on my own plate to juggle! Love does not hurt no matter what the relationship is friendships are relationships and at the end of the day I am in control of how I let people treat me/affect me, and as of today I am making some MAJOR changes!