Can be complex...If I would have counted on every person who said (after Josiah's death) anything you need I will be here, or I will never leave your side you can always count on me, I would have been majorly disappointed. Thankfully Iw as taught better then that and thankfully I am a realistic person. I knew the day would come that my house would be empty and quiet, I knew the day would come that even my closest friends would find comfort in not being so close to me anymore. I knew the day would come that those I never thought would stick around would still be here...In the last 3.5 years a lot has changed, and with that change some was good and some not so good. I believe change is still happening as I am typing this blog right now. I am not sure what drives the change in a friendship, if its the reality of my life, if its a slight amount of envy, if it just truly time to hang up the towel on that friendship. But I know that previous excuses no longer hold clout. Either way I find history repeating itself and I am unsure of how to handle it. I will be honest I had expectations even though I shouldn't have, I had the oh I will be proved wrong I am sure it was just a bad day....well I am still waiting and coming closer to the conclusion that the towel is in need of being hung up. Or I just accept that we will never be that close again and take the friendship for what it is and nothing more, and be ok with that. Sometimes I wonder if its even what I want and miss or if its just because of the history that I can't seem to let go. Either way somethings gotta give at some point right.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
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