Thursday, June 9, 2011

Kindergarden Graduation

The day has come, it has come way faster then I had anticipated.  I have watched her grow inellectually, truly go from not knowing certain things to knowing them and confidently.  I have watched her drawing evolve, so much so that she got 1st place in the art festival.  I was able to assist in the class and watch her as she learned, helped her with spelling words and was able to see how she learns best.  

Today it hit me.....hit me pretty hard....Tomorrow is a major milestone, and all I can do is wonder what it would be like if he was still alive!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

31

Turning 31 was interesting, between being a new sleep deprived mommy and the weather I was really unsure of what I wanted to do, and if I even wanted to do anything.  At the last minute the day before my bday I set up dinner at La Fondue and then decided to head down town to see a live band.  They play from 9-11pm and I fugured hey I would be up that late anyways.  I had a great turn out with some of my friends and we had a blast making new memories and catching up.  The day of my birthday consisted of presents, inspirational cards, laughter, joy.  It was exactly what I needed. Both low key and with people that I love and that love me.  I could not have asked for a better birthday.  

Emergency whaaaaatttt?

So I have been busy making a baby, and giving birth to a baby, being a mommy to a 5 year old and a 18 year old lol.  Needless to say May 2 was my due date and May 3rd I had scheduled the induction.  I was ready to be over and have my son with me in person vs in my belly.  We had to be at the hospital at 4 am and that in no way discouraged me from wanting to be induced.  We got there on time, got all set up and just waited for everything to start taking its course.  It was a very long process that is for sure and all day had almost come and gone, but there was a bigger plan and I had no control over it, which scared me even more.  Making a long story short I made it to 8cm and with each contraction as he would descend his umbilical cord would pull him back therefor choking him.  His heart rate was dropping and he was no longer tolerating labor.  The Dr. came in and did a internal check, asked me to push realized I couldn't and said we need to go in for a emergency C-section...exactly what I did not want, being the only surviving parent for my daughter I began to panic.  I was not prepared mentally for something to possibly go wrong with me or the baby, the baby she had been waiting to patiently and beyond excited for.  I had to change my frame of mind from panic mode to everything will be ok mode, and really fast.  Every one in the room started scrambling, nurses, the doctor, etc.  We got into the or and things continued to go at a rapid pace.  They were finally all set up and let Jess come into the room.  We both were scared yet did not want to tell each other especially as we could hear the doctor and his team talking and by what they were saying it was obvious something was wrong, but we could not see.  Needless to say this is when they found out the umbilical cord was around his neck, and they had to use the vaccuum still to get him out.  It took what felt like a really long time to hear him cry but when he did boy were we filled with relief, this is when we knew everything was really going to be ok.  This is when I knew I would not have to explain to Pook about death, yet again.  I was beyond thankful, to this day am beyond thankful.  At 8:45 pm we had our healthy baby boy weighing 8lbs 1oz and 21 inches long.