"If I have learned anything recently I have learned that nothing protects the heart like patience. Don’t get your hopes up too fast. Don’t let your fears speak too loud. Don’t give your doubts too much time. Not everybody is built to handle the rough times. Don't be surprised when you fall off with certain people. Few people understand what it means to really be there for somebody especially when you need them to be. That’s the roughest part about being on this journey. You realize the ones that said they’ll stay are the first ones to fall off. People will make promises when the sun is shining and then make excuses when the storm comes. That’s why I’m always thankful for the rain because it washes away the unnecessary. The reality is, you could be amazing, genuine, and sincere but still be overlooked. Because honestly, people don’t want something real anymore, they just want reasons to complain and excuses to avoid. Having a good thing is so hard because meeting a strong person is so rare. So I’ve learned to respect when people run from me, I realize my kind of love isn't for everybody but I’m at peace with that."
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
and then the light bulb went on!!!!!!! in moments of hurt feelings we forget the greatness of knowing that at the end of the day when you needed them most they were there....and if they needed you you would/have been there.
"about whos there for you in a week, a month, 3 to 6 months a year, and i thought about the friends that were there for you, and the ones that weren't.and the ones that were but aren't, and i see those people now around us still. As a family like you said, we'd be there for them in a heartbeat!"
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Belonging
Not quite sure where I belong anymore, or if I even do, and not sure how I feel about that!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Cry Out
Sometimes we cry out in different ways, some may not understand or cry out for help....a reminder that communication is vital.
18 tips that will strengthen (and maybe even save) your marriage
1. Husbands, Love your Wives Well! Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your Sons how they should treat Women and you are teaching your Daughters what they should expect from Men.
2. Someone once said, “Being in love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Whoever said that is probably divorced! The Truth is that husbands and wives must be quick to forgive and to humbly seek forgiveness from each other. “I Love You,” “I’m Sorry” & “I forgive you.” should be said often.
3. Be VERY careful about having friends of the opposite sex. If you have a “friend” that you tell things to that you don’t tell your spouse, then you are creating toxic situation. Affairs don’t start in the bedroom; they start with conversations, emails, texts and communication that lead down a dangerous path. Protect your Marriage!
4. Don’t be jealous of somebody else’s Marriage; invest in your own! If the Grass looks Greener on the other side, you need to stay home and water your own grass.
5. Don’t complain about your Spouse’s flaws…they are the very reasons why he/she didn’t find a spouse better than you!
6. Husbands and Wives must love each other regardless of their imperfections. Loving your spouse does’t mean that you approve of everything that they do, but it does mean that your commitment to them is bigger than all of their flaws.
7. ”If you want to travel fast, go alone, but if you want to travel far, go together.” -African Proverb
8. A marriage only works when both partners are fully committed. When only one spouse is doing all the work, it’s like trying to swim with one arm tied behind your back…you only go in circles. Work together. Serve each other. Always Love each other.
9. If your Spouse breaks their Vows, give them your Forgiveness instantly, but give your Trust Slowly. The first part is called “Grace” and the second part is called “Common Sense.”
10. Don’t try to fix your spouse or change your spouse; just Love them and let God take care of the rest!
11. Husbands and Wives must love and accept each other unconditionally…“Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.” Romans 15:7
12. Hey Husbands, if you want to improve things in the Bedroom, start by serving your wife in other rooms of the house. Something as practical as doing the dishes or folding laundry could end up being good foreplay!
13. Don’t build your Marriage on your feelings which will constantly be changing. Build your Marriage on your Faith in God and your undying Commitment to each other and your feelings will usually catch up.
14. When you make your marriage vows on your Wedding Day, you didn’t use words like “Maybe” or “Unless”. Marriage never works if we’re thinking of an Exit Strategy. “Til Death do us Part” is the best and only way.
15. If you’re willing to leave your spouse for another person, in terms of your Character, it’s not much different than taking your children to an orphanage and trading them in for other kids whom you find more attractive or polite than your own kids.
16. Don’t focus on improving your Marriage…Focus on improving Yourself, serving your Spouse and growing daily in your relationship with God and your marriage will start improving on its own!
17. Married Couples often say things were more fun “back when they were dating.” Don’t stop dating your spouse just because you’re married! Bring the fun back and make “Date Night” a priority!
18. Your words have the power to build up our spouse or to tear them down; to bring out the best in them or the worst in them. Choose to be their biggest Encourager. Choose to forgive and seek forgiveness from them. Choose to speak words of Life and to build your marriage.
davewillis.org
ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER? During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling. Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥
Monday, October 21, 2013
Love
Love comes in MANY shapes, sizes forms etc...I am just glad that regardless of it all it's finally coming back together.
Friday, October 18, 2013
It's all a cycle
As I think about the ups and downs that come with life I realize that it is all a cycle... in every relationship you have your ups and your downs without a doubt. You have those that you will hurt unintentionally, and those that no matter what you do you can never please even if you tried. At the end of the day you have to be happy with yourself and the decisions you make, and as long as you know that you are not being malicious or intentionally hurting someone that is all you can do. At times I feel like every move is watched (thanks to social networking), and scrutinized in the wrong way. Some things are not what they appear, regardless of how they appear. unless you REALLY know what is going on or take a second to ask one can come up with MANY speculations of what they think may be. The speculations then only become fuel that add to the fire and some times causing more pain and frustration at times...so who's best interest is had in moments like that? It is easy to add ones opinion to what they do not know... but I challenge us all (including myself to step back and before adding fuel to someones fire) step back and don't say anything...if you are trying to be a friend at most listen. Let's not judge one another's actions, let's lift each other up. Let's ask questions, and give honest answers, and accept the honest answers for what they really are instead of trying to dig deeper. In the end our friendships should not be measured by how many times things have been misunderstood but rather by all the times that whole heartedly one has been there for another, and how regardless of what they know they can pick up the phone at any time and the other person will be there with out a doubt. In any relationship it takes effort form both parties in order to keep it lasting and on going. One can never be selfish enough to not even take a second to say oh btw how was your morning, or your weekend. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Friendships
Thankful that when I go to sleep and wake up it will be a new day!!!! Letting go of what once was is never easy, but sometimes is out of our control....Thankful for what once was, not sure I would have made it out of my darkest times, or even loved again if it wasn't for those moments...I have come to realize I have held this person so dear to me because they were there through my most vulnerabalist (yes I made that word up) times, they knew my silence was nothing wrong, they knew my grieving was something I had to go through and when I was done I was going to be ok. They walked next to me every step of the way, sometimes even paving the way for me, showing me there is a light at the end of the tunnel....They taught me it was ok to love again and for the longest time saw us through some of our hardest moments but believe in us from day one... and now as I type this holding back my tears i have realized another piece of me has died.... I trusted, I was vulnerable, I was loyal, honest etc...but at the end of the day I guess I just thought more of the friendship then they did. Never in a million years would I have thought it would be like this...but it is out of my control...I am at a age that I do not want to wonder what is going on, and honesty is key...but I must remember that when we ask for honesty we must be willing to accept the truth...I will accept it, life does go on...that has been proven to me time and time again........Every season must come to a end!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Seasons
Just as the actual climate changes with every season I believe that everything else around us comes and goes with seasons. Each relationship has it's highs and its lows depending on where you are in that relationship. Seasons truly do change and when they change the dynamics of everything around you sometimes changes as well......at the end of the day the only thing we can control is our reaction to the change of season....When ones priorities change sometimes it has a ripple affect, as I look around I wonder where exactly I fit in with it all....I sit back and observe, at the end of the day one can not convince someone that nothing has changed if the actions and the vibes feel as if it has changed completely. Regardless of it all it is out of my control, and only time will truly speak for itself and the season may make itself back around or it may just be memories that slowly fade with the season....
Thursday, August 15, 2013
6 years come and gone
August is always a bittersweet month, I try my best to enjoy yet over occupy myself with planning Ariyana's bday all in hopes that 2 days later I would wake up from the horrible dream that changed my life 6 years ago. I am blessed with all the things new in my life now 3 beautiful kids and a beyond supportive hubby, but it does not take the pain of what once was away.... May he continue to RIP. Thank you to those that came through tonight. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you Josiah.
That was my FB post, yet not all of my thoughts are worthy to be put out in the FB world. This year was the first year that something told me to ask Ariyana if she wanted to go to the cemetery, and to my surprise she said no, I told her we would talk about it again in a day or so...a day or so came and went and I was scared to ask her because I knew she meant no.....This is truly a double edged sword...I am not sure if I have failed in keeping his memory alive, or done so well that she feels comfortable in knowing that she does not need to go to the cemetery to feel close to him. Today when we got back I asked her why she did not want to go and she said because it's boring and that she prays quietly every night. I think this year became the last of the years that we will go... from here on out we will find a new way to keep his memory alive even if it means just watching his slideshow at home.
Friday, August 9, 2013
5 GREAT GIFTS TO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN ...
5 GREAT GIFTS TO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN ...
We love getting our kids things and watching their eyes light up with excitement. Some of the best gifts that parents can give aren’t gifts that come from a store, but gifts that came from their lives. Things that our parents have taught us that we pass on to our children. Here are a few great "life" gifts to share with your children ...
1. THE GIFT OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE: My parents were always affectionate, loving and respectful to one another. Watching how my dad treated my mother (and vice-versa) has taught me how to treat Lea. I wish as parents we’d realize that a vital marriage is the best gift you could ever give your kids. Parents who maintain a strong and vibrant marriage set a positive example for their children. The example of a healthy marriage is better than a cell-phone or an X-Box, and it’s the gift that would really last their lifetime. When children see the way their parents love and respect one another, it teaches them to do the same.
2. THE GIFT OF INTEGRITY: I was taught from a young age that we didn’t lie, cheat or steal. If I ever did any of those things, there were consequences to pay. Wouldn’t it be nice today if as parents we’d practice what we preach? I wish we wouldn’t tell our children one thing and then do just the opposite. That has to be so confusing to our children. Don’t ever lie for your kids. When a parent writes a note to school saying their child was sick or had a doctor’s appointment, and really they just over slept …. YOU are teaching them it’s OKAY to lie. Don’t lie to help cover up mistakes for your kids. This is simple … practice what you preach!
3. THE GIFT OF DISCIPLINE: This is going to be hard for some of you to believe (smile), but I remember on more than one occasion the principle calling my mom to ask for permission to “paddle” me for something I’d done at school. Always the same response from my parents, “Get him!,” they’d say and then add, “And tell him he’ll get another one when he gets home!” Ugh! No child likes discipline, but it’s necessary for their development as adults. As a parent THE WORST thing you can do for your children is pull strings to get your children out of trouble, instead of letting them be responsible for their own actions. Don’t threaten to call a lawyer, talk to the principal or talk to a superior to get your child out of trouble for something they’ve done.
4. THE GIFT OF LOVE. There are different ways to spell love. T-I-M-E spells love. L-I-S-T-E-N spells love. Love can be spelled T-O-U-C-H. It’s important to touch your children. Nothing is better than one of my children’s arms around my neck, whether they are 19 or 7 years old. Love is spelled R-U-L-E-S. Believe it or not, it really is. Love is spelled P-L-A-Y. Do some fun things as a family.
5. THE GIFT OF SPIRITUAL TRAINING: Growing up, we never left for school without my mom reading or telling us a bible story. Spiritual training was a deliberate part of my parent’s plan to raise children. Personally, I wish as parents we’d see that spiritual training is not optional but essential. Families today don’t need a small dose of God, they need a large dose of God. Children need spiritual training. Talk about God in your home, read bible stories together, attend church together and let them see that God is important to you and a part of your life. Come to think of it, the gift of God is not just a gift that lasts a lifetime, but it’s a gift that lasts an eternity!
What is a "life" gift that your parents have left you?
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=221727654648935&set=a.122223671266001.25186.116178611870507&type=1&theater
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Bubbles
"Today I saw some children playing with bubbles outside. The were laughing and chasing them, poking at them, and trying to catch them. Bubbles are just an encasement of air. Perhaps somethings aren't meant to be caught or held on to, but to be enjoyed in the moment they are with us, creating beautiful sights and memories in the instant. We are all bubbles in the planet, none of us are meant to last forever, and we must cherish the memories of our husbands who blessed us with their time as they floated through our lives"
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Emergency Room
Every since his death I have a beyond hate love relationship with hospitals one in particular, especially emergency rooms. Since the day I was told "we tried everything we could, but he didn't make it" and was handed the bag with his wedding ring I have not stepped foot in Alexian Brothers (sp) AKA Regional hospital. It brings anxiety to even drive near it I am thankful that I am on the other side of town and do not pass it often. Recently we were told our son has food allergies and I had to go into the same parking lot of regional. I remember dreading it, hands clammy, heart beating fast, as my mind replayed the events of that day in fast forward mode. I still do not understand why or even how, and I know I never will. As I pulled into the parking lot I was surprised to see that they are making changes....changes to what once was....it no longer looks the same...but the memories will never come close to fading in my head and in my heart. May he Rest in Peace.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD (article)
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had...
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
https://www.facebook.com/geraldrrogers
Monday, July 29, 2013
Screaming children and dogs
Today I was over it in almost every sense...I was over stimulated by a crying urine leaking dog and 2 teething children who were whiney and crying as well. Needless to say I needed to check out, so checking out I did....Even though it was a simple trip to Target, it was fresh air....much needed fresh air. I am thankful I am able to check out when needed.
7 SECRETS TO A GREAT DATE NIGHT…
Date nights are essential to a healthy marriage. You fell in love while dating, that shouldn’t stop once you are married. Date nights aren’t just about going out and doing something. It’s a time to look great, engage in positive conversation and reignite chemistry. Here’s how…
1. Dress Up: There is nothing better than getting a little gussied up to feel beautiful inside and out. My wife knows that when she puts on her “little black dress,” I’d follow her anywhere … even to a ballet.
2. Take Turn Planning The Date: There is nothing exciting about both partners saying, “I don’t care what we do, what do you want to do?” So, keep monotony at bay by taking turns planning dates. When you take turns planning dates, you’re less likely to be lulled into a routine. When it’s your turn to plan date night, think of small and big ways to weave the unexpected into your evening.
3. Do Something New: Keep it fresh … go somewhere new. Save your regular local restaurants for another occasion. Date nights are about keeping things new and fresh. One of the most bonding things you can add to your marriage is creating new memories together.
4. Plan a Stay-At-Home Date: Plan a night where the kids leave the house and you two stay home. Cook together or order in … but just spend the evening snuggling on the couch while watching a movie, etc.
5. Keep Things Light: Keep the conversation about the night to the night. Stay in the now-moment. Do not focus on the children, what happened that day at work. Keep things light-hearted and focused on the love you feel for you for each other.
6. Feel Blessed: You should feel blessed that you are with someone wonderful. They are who you picked for a spouse … feel honored to be with them. Verbally affirm each other in positive ways to show the love you feel. It's wonderful to be in love, remember that and bring this energy into the date.
7. Take The Romance Back Home: Don’t let the date end at the door when you get home. Look forward to letting things come full circle later that night. You have had a great date … now you can bring all those pieces together physically … it’s called intimacy and God designed it for marriage. A marriage without sex is just roommates and God’s plan was soul-mates for marriage, not roommates. Enjoy each other.
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerMarriageWorkshops?hc_location=stream
Thursday, July 25, 2013
5 Love Language Results
Your Scores
- 6Words of Affirmation
- 4Quality Time
- 10Receiving Gifts
- 8Acts of Service
- 2Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.Important to Remember:
You may have scored certain ones of the love languages more highly than others, but do not dismiss those other languages as insignificant. Your husband may express love in those ways, and it will be helpful to you to understand this about him.In the same way, it will benefit your husband to know your love language and express his affection for you in ways that you interpret as love. Every time you or your husband speak each other's language, you score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn't a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other's love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance.If your husband has not already done so, encourage him to take The Love Languages Profile for Husbands. Discuss your respective love languages, and use this insight to improve your marriage!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
The boy is growing up
The day has come that my sweet, smart, goofy lil big boy has a big boy bed. I rushed it a more so that Ariyana has more of her room back without this big ol crib in the way, I also did it in hopes that his going to bed and nap would make for more pleasant times...you see he is the one that still cries when he takes a nap and goes to bed (unless exhausted) even though it happens at the same time every day LOL. I had tried him out in my bed for nap time a few days out of the week and saw that he was semi ready for the change. Last night as we reminded him that he was going to his big boy bed he looked at me with the most purest yet most excited look in his eyes and sad "yes mama, big boy bed, mine" he did pretty good for the most part got up once, peeked his head out of the door and said "morning" all we could do was laugh. He got up once more, cried a lil and the rest is history, he did his regular call in the middle of the night to go pee and that was it. Can't believe how fast they grow. Soon he will have big boy bedding.
Dinner time...in a unusual place....
So it has been a really long time since I have done something like this....as we finished our errand at target and grabbed some drive thru Pollo Loco and as I took the long way around to get to the free way I blurted out "let's eat dinner at the cemetery." So we did just that, it was from my heart and where I wanted to be, I did not even have pook with me, but just where I wanted to be. I am beyond thankful for the man that stands beside me today and the support he provides with me grieving... It isn't a easy road at times but regarldess he has my back, the kids loved it and Vicente even sang clean up while he put all the "bikes" back.
Stronger Marriage
"WHEN IT COMES TO ROMANCE FOR WOMEN … IT’S THE “LITTLE THINGS”
When a man thinks of the word ‘romance’ he often thinks of sex. When a woman uses the word ‘romance’ she is thinking of roses, dinner out, small talk, a night without distractions, help with the kids and dishes, etc. Romance, for a woman, is a about the little things.
So husbands, if you want to improve things in the bedroom, you must start by serving your wife in other rooms of the house. Something as practical as doing the dishes, folding laundry or helping pick up after the kids could end up being very good for the bedroom later. Here are a few ideas…
* If she works, stop by her workplace and bring her her favorite drink, or surprise her with lunch.
* Buy a dozen helium-filled balloons and stuff them in her car when she’s at work or at the grocery store.
* Hide a few Hershey Kisses in a place where she'll find them.
* Write “I Love You” on the bathroom mirror with a bar of soap or a dry erase marker.
* Buy her a lottery ticket and attach a note saying “I won the lottery when I married you!”
* Write her a hand-written love letter and mail it to her. When’s the last time you did that?
* Do all the housework for a weekend. Make her breakfast in bed. Fix breakfast while she enjoys her coffee.
* Set up the coffee pot so it automatically brews her coffee just minutes before her morning alarm wakes her up.
* Spend time with her at a craft or trade show connected to one of her hobbies.
* Go for a drive at sunset.
* Take a walk, holding hands.
* Just serve her in someway.
What she wants most of all from you can’t be bought … your time ... and it’s the little things.
Husbands, don’t make the mistake of thinking romance is what happens in the bedroom … it’s not. Instead romance is what leads UP TO the bedroom. It’s the little things you do all day that get her in the mood."
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerMarriageWorkshops?hc_location=stream
When a man thinks of the word ‘romance’ he often thinks of sex. When a woman uses the word ‘romance’ she is thinking of roses, dinner out, small talk, a night without distractions, help with the kids and dishes, etc. Romance, for a woman, is a about the little things.
So husbands, if you want to improve things in the bedroom, you must start by serving your wife in other rooms of the house. Something as practical as doing the dishes, folding laundry or helping pick up after the kids could end up being very good for the bedroom later. Here are a few ideas…
* If she works, stop by her workplace and bring her her favorite drink, or surprise her with lunch.
* Buy a dozen helium-filled balloons and stuff them in her car when she’s at work or at the grocery store.
* Hide a few Hershey Kisses in a place where she'll find them.
* Write “I Love You” on the bathroom mirror with a bar of soap or a dry erase marker.
* Buy her a lottery ticket and attach a note saying “I won the lottery when I married you!”
* Write her a hand-written love letter and mail it to her. When’s the last time you did that?
* Do all the housework for a weekend. Make her breakfast in bed. Fix breakfast while she enjoys her coffee.
* Set up the coffee pot so it automatically brews her coffee just minutes before her morning alarm wakes her up.
* Spend time with her at a craft or trade show connected to one of her hobbies.
* Go for a drive at sunset.
* Take a walk, holding hands.
* Just serve her in someway.
What she wants most of all from you can’t be bought … your time ... and it’s the little things.
Husbands, don’t make the mistake of thinking romance is what happens in the bedroom … it’s not. Instead romance is what leads UP TO the bedroom. It’s the little things you do all day that get her in the mood."
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerMarriageWorkshops?hc_location=stream
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Inspiring
Love after death
http://gma.yahoo.com/widowed-20s-couple-finds-love-again-212043491--abc-news-health.html
http://gma.yahoo.com/widowed-20s-couple-finds-love-again-212043491--abc-news-health.html
Date
Tonight I am going on a date.... he is someone I have known for quite some time now....it's amazing how I can still be nervous. we are supposed to meet up at the club and hear some beats, we will see where the night takes us from there.
Monday, July 8, 2013
And then there was 1
I have had much time to reflect on quite a few changes that have occurred over the last couple months, I have had time to really dig deep again within me and find out the true issues going on in my head. I came to realize that although I had acknowledged not dealing with Josiah's death and the affect it was having on my current relationship as well as myself, I never really did anything about it. Well I am taking a stand! I have learned yet again that in order to truly move on you must take time to take in what has happened and allow the emotions to actually pour out of the bottle, vs stuffing the bottle. I was realistic about his death, I knew he would never be coming home, never be calling me again, I knew I would never hear the words I love you from his mouth, or even here his silly laugh... I knew all of that when he died...but what I did not realize is that regardless of what I pushed through life, because I knew life would not stand still for me, and I had a precious baby girl that I had to make the world normal for. Now she is a amazing little girl, no longer a baby and it is time to take care of me, time for me to actually deal with it and not run from it.
Now that all the children are getting bigger and more self sufficient it is time to get back to me, I am enrolled back in school and am hoping to be graduated next year. I am looking forward to a healthier mental health.
Some unresolved issues have been resolved as of now, but I am not sure how it will go. As in any relationship it takes effort on both parts, 1 can only carry the relationship so far, only time will tell, even though in my gut I know which path it has taken and it saddens me. It was great while it lasted and I will just cherish the wonderful memories made.
This post may make no sense to anyone reading LOL, but it is what has been on my mind the last few days and I have learned if it is there more then 1 day get it out on paper....so here it is....my thoughts on paper..... And then there was 1....me, myself and I to take care of me, myself and I.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
7 TIPS TO KEEP THE FIRE ALIVE...
7 TIPS TO KEEP THE FIRE ALIVE...
A healthy sex-life is a powerful glue in marriage. Work hard to keep the romance alive by doing the following ...
1. KEEP YOUR BED "KID FREE" THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME: Our rule has always been, no kids in our bed. It's one thing if they show up at 3 a.m., but starting off in your bed is not good for your marriage.
2. STRIVE TO GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME: Don't get into the habit of not going to bed together at night.
3. MAKE PRIVACY A PRIORITY. Find ways to get some privacy like ... put a lock on the bedroom door, find some time to sneak off together, or actually schedule a time/date on the calendar and then fight took keep that date.
4. DON'T LET YOUR SELF GO. Good hygiene, sleeping attire, etc are important. As Jeff Foxworthy says, "If your wife wears socks, sweats and an oversized t-shirt to bed on your anniversary … you might need to work on your romance."
5. DON'T STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Flirting is a playful way to make your partner feel desirable, and nothing says "I still want you," like flirting.
6. SAY "YES" TO SEX MORE OFTEN THAN YOU SAY "NO". Nothing will kill a sex-life quicker than constantly being rejected by your spouse. A healthy marriage will not "back-burner" their sex-life.
7. DON'T MAKE EVERYTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX. If you want to make sure that your sex life goes down the toilet, make sure that you put it at the very bottom of your list of priorities. Put everything else first -- kids, your job, housework, TV ... anything and everything that you can think of.
Don't let "life" or "little ones" or "boredom " snuff out the intimacy in your marriage.
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerMarriageWorkshops?hc_location=stream
A healthy sex-life is a powerful glue in marriage. Work hard to keep the romance alive by doing the following ...
1. KEEP YOUR BED "KID FREE" THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME: Our rule has always been, no kids in our bed. It's one thing if they show up at 3 a.m., but starting off in your bed is not good for your marriage.
2. STRIVE TO GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME: Don't get into the habit of not going to bed together at night.
3. MAKE PRIVACY A PRIORITY. Find ways to get some privacy like ... put a lock on the bedroom door, find some time to sneak off together, or actually schedule a time/date on the calendar and then fight took keep that date.
4. DON'T LET YOUR SELF GO. Good hygiene, sleeping attire, etc are important. As Jeff Foxworthy says, "If your wife wears socks, sweats and an oversized t-shirt to bed on your anniversary … you might need to work on your romance."
5. DON'T STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Flirting is a playful way to make your partner feel desirable, and nothing says "I still want you," like flirting.
6. SAY "YES" TO SEX MORE OFTEN THAN YOU SAY "NO". Nothing will kill a sex-life quicker than constantly being rejected by your spouse. A healthy marriage will not "back-burner" their sex-life.
7. DON'T MAKE EVERYTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX. If you want to make sure that your sex life goes down the toilet, make sure that you put it at the very bottom of your list of priorities. Put everything else first -- kids, your job, housework, TV ... anything and everything that you can think of.
Don't let "life" or "little ones" or "boredom " snuff out the intimacy in your marriage.
https://www.facebook.com/StrongerMarriageWorkshops?hc_location=stream
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Offering compassion to those who have harmed or disappointed you does not mean being a victim. The difference is not needing to exact revenge or prove one's superiority. With mercy in your heart you will find yourself much less distracted and disheartened by the behaviors that you see and read about. You will be able to send the offenders love and not become obsessed with anger, hatred, or the desire for revenge, thus focusing on what you are for, rather than what you are against.
Wayne D Dyer
Wayne D Dyer
Friday, June 21, 2013
Grieving
"I will live with baggage of sadness and keep it close, because it was “my” journey. I respect it, and understand my metamorphosis now as it transformed me to be who I am. I get to draw on deep strength because of it, however, I will never give my grief the power to define who I am, because then..it wins"
I borrowed this from one of the widow groups I am a part of. I read this definitely when I needed it most. At times of convenience or even at times un known to me I have allowed grief to define who I am and how I should act (in my own head). It is a part of my journey yes, but it does not have to be something that I carry as a emotion of sadness, anger etc. It is something that I will work through just like anything else, something I will take as a learning lesson, and deal with the emotions as they come vs holding them all in and running from anything that reminds me of the sadness it can bring. I will start to look at the positive as well..if it was not for that change in my life would I be where I am at now? Would I have ever been a stay at home mom, being able to help Ariyana in Kinder class, attend whatever field trips she wants me to etc and truly watch her grow, Would I have my other two beautiful children? I moved fast, and made life normal as possible for Ariyana and I...but at the end of the day I think I spent so much time making things better for her that I forgot to take care of me. Now that she is old enough, and so are the other two it is time to get back to taking care of me. Some will never understand what I have gone through and instead will judge what I have done, but at the end of the day until you have walked in my shoes your judgement means nothing to me... It has not been a easy road no matter how easy I have made it seem, at times even fooling myself. As much as I was not a firm believer in the steps of grieving (no matter the order) I am learning that they do exist and if not dealt with will come deal you the biggest hand of all....and unfortunately when you least expect it.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
negativity....and jealousy....
I have been hit with both trains, kinda all at once...working my way out of the ditch it has pushed me into. hopefully it wont take too long.
Friendships
Its sad when it gets to a point where you feel like total strangers around each other, having no clue what is going on in each others life. The choice that has to be made is not a easy one and has me beyond stumped. At some point I guess I gotta decide though.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Sometimes we expect more from others, because we’d be willing to do much more for them; and as we grow older we don’t lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are. The first time someone shows you who they really are, believe them...disloyalty is the only truth that sticks.
That being said, I am going to position myself for promotion and say "God I trust you, you are in complete control. I may not like this situation but you wouldn't have me here unless I needed it, so I'm going to keep a good attitude and be my best right where I am." AMEN Borrowed from a dope Nail Artist.
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