Thursday, November 01, 2018

NANOWRIMO- yeah, it's that time again.

I don't generally do NANO, but for some reason this year I feel a bit compelled. Given the state of our Union, and what has been going on in this country. I think that writing should be about politics, specifically the politics of hate we are seeing on the daily.

Today, the Orange Buffoon initiated a huge change to the ACA, for the first time since the ACA was put in place, you can again buy junk medical insurance plans. That will not cover pre-existing conditions. The next thing on our list today? The Buffoon has ordered 5,000 (he says today 15,000!!) active duty troops to our southern border to GASP! protect us from the "caravan" of refugees headed this way. The problem with this? Those people are over a 1,000 miles away, and are in no way a threat to us here in the Good ol USA! But, MURICA! He has also said they are authorized to fire on these people. These people fleeing violence in there home countries, who also have temporary asylum granted to them from the Mexican government. Women and children, the elderly, men. Mother's and fathers, sisters and brothers, grandparents! People who just want to be in a place that is safe. Funny thing is, most of those people will never enter the United States. The amount is one-tenth of one per cent of those in the caravan, ever reaching our border. But there are 5000 active duty troop being deployed with orders to shoot these "invaders" I don't recognize this country anymore.

It used to be, that neighbours actually cared for each other, helped each other. It used to be that churches helped those who needed it. What has happened to the country that is guarded by that Lady with Lamp, who has a poem at her feet which says; 

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
MOTHER OF EXILES. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"


Emma Lazarus

What happened to the country that I grew up in? The one where if there were folks fishing in our creek, my dad would ask them up to the house for a drink, beer for the menfolk and of course kool-aid for the kids, coffee or tea for the ladies. (This was after all the last 1960's) Then perhaps there would be much laughter from the adults, grilling of food, and the sound of children playing. It didn't matter about what colour we all were. We had fun, it didn't matter that we weren't the same religion, we believed in the same god. We played endless games of red rover, and statue maker, hide n seek, and if it was still light, we would go down the path next to the creek and there was a crab apple tree. One of us got to be the Berry Monster. You climbed the tree and chucked the crab apples at each other until a new Berry Monster was chosen. (Rules changed daily, especially the one about how many times you had to bean someone with a crab apple in order to make the monster) This was the creek paths we knew better than any adult. We played on them almost every day, winter, spring, summer and fall. We skated on the ice my dad would clear for us. Didn't matter who wanted to skate. If you had skates, come on over let's go! And always, my dad, teaching us the lessons he learned as a child growing up during WWII. Nazis were the enemy, the KKK were awful people (and in my mind, they were probably Nazis as well as racist, turns out my seven-year-old brain got that right) and the only place a Cross should be, is in a church. I learned a lot of life lessons fishing on that creek and wandering those paths. What I didn't learn, was that someday my country might be taken over by the very people my daddy spent his life teaching me were evil men, who perpetrated evil crimes, on innocent, men, women and children. What I didn't learn was that today in this country, that beautiful Sonnet means nothing to a Trump supporter, to those on the alt-right, those still in the KKK. Because for them, those beautiful words are a threat. They threaten their very way of life. It terrifies them that our beautiful country is someday soon, going to be more Brown, Yellow, and Red than it is White. I love that, I love that diversity in all its glory is where we are headed, and that the old white men in Washington DC can do nothing to stop it. That is unless they send troops to kill all of us who oppose them. Turn this beautiful land into Gilead- if something like that happens, the first thing I'm going to do is head north, with my daughter, and her boyfriend, her Jewish boyfriend. And if I can convince her, I'll be bringing along my eldest and her brood, and her husband. They aren't what you would call Christian, there would be no place for them in Gilead, as there would be no place for me, or mind. Except for my girls, who are the right age to bear children. The only place women would have in a society of that sort, would be a breeder, or am Auntie, or if you were very lucky, married to one of the Elite, who use the handmaids to breed children for the wives who are as barren as the hearts of those who run Gilead. Margaret Atwood must be in a bit of disbelief, everything she wrote about came from history. And you and I both know, history tends to repeat itself. For us, now in 2018, it is the Evangelicals that are pushing us further to this dystopian nightmare, with each law enacted that somehow controls women, what they can and can not do with their bodies, we slip further and further into that future, We slip into programs like the Lebensborn, Hitler's pure Aryan children, created through eugenics. I sit here as I type and I wonder what my place would be in a society like that. I have many skills.. I think that is what tomorrows post is going to be about. What are our places in society, what would we become, if we do indeed become a place like Gilead.. 

Thursday, October 18, 2018

It's been far too long~

I haven't written for what seems like years. The state of my reunion/non-reunion has had me silent for far too long. I think I'm over that silence now. I think I have to be over it. There have been days when I literally could not get out of bed. Why, because I hurt too much. I feel stronger now. I'm not sure why, but I do.


Just before I wrote this, I posted another blog about Relinquishers. That seemed important to me.  Natural Mothers/First Mothers may be a lot of things, but that one word never occurred to me. After all, I didn't relinquish. I surrendered, gave up, gave in. Felt obligated to sign their damn papers.  I was a good little girl and did what I was told. It wasn't what I wanted to do, it was what I felt forced to do. Now, here I am 34, almost 35 years later. I've been in reunion/silent reunion for 12 years now. 

I've never met my grandson, he'll be four very soon, nor my granddaughter, who will a year old in the spring. I have a very few pictures of them, more of E, than of T. All those years ago, I never thought about losing my future grandchildren. Yet, here I am, it's reality. And I don't know how to fix my relationship with J, and somedays, I question if I want to fix that relationship. 

It's brought to me great joy, yet. even greater sorrow. I can't explain it better than that. It's as if I lost my child all over again. I've been grieving for her since 2011. But, I'll ask once more. How do you grieve a living child? It's as if they are dead and gone, yet in reality (for me now anyway)I know exactly where she is. I know how she's doing, and yet... I am not a part of her life, except for sending Christmas gifts. And perhaps, birthday cards. 

As I sit here typing, there is a lump in my throat, and my heart has contracted into a hard throbbing ball in my chest, and I can feel the tears rising in my throat, and sitting in the corners of my eyes. But, I don't get to cry, no I don't. Why you may ask? Because I did this. I did it all, to her, to myself. my raised children, and my grandchildren. So I don't get to cry, or sorrow. I'm supposed to be grateful another woman raised my child. The child who has my grandmothers toes, my niece's squishy nose, and my penchant for large movements. By which I mean, tossing her arms out to embrace everything within reach, and in her sight, and my walk. She looks like me from the back, but is tall, as her father is tall. She's lovely, and kind, and compassionate, and so so very angry with me. And that is what I don't know how to fix. I've sent letters, and emails, an extra long letter when her first child was born. I've confessed my sins, time and again. Told her her story. But she baulked when I said some of the story was just mine. She didn't like that at all. But isn't it ok, to keep some things just for myself? The hurtful things that her father said, the dreams I had, that seems so laughable now when I think about them. aren't those things just for me, and perhaps for him?

I drew some boundaries, after I had bent over backwards to do everything she wanted me to do, to tell her all the things, she thought she had a right to. (and let's be honest here, she was entitled to most of the things she wanted of me) But there came a day when I had to say enough, I can't just keep going on as we have. Maybe it was my inner Crone who decided we had sat without anger long enough to realize it had a name, that name was grief. So that Crone and I have been working through the grief. 

I've lost many things in my life, and as I continue to age, I expect to lose even more. I've had more losses than I care to count, but the biggest loss, the one that hurt the most, the one that has never stopped hurting, not for even a single blessed minute. The loss of my child. all her firsts, school, first boyfriends. All of it, and I wonder, am I really her mother, in any other than having given birth to her. A much loved, dark-haired long-toed beauty, that after the third day, I never saw again until she was 21.


It's a thing I think about long into the night, It keeps me awake, screaming inside my head over and over "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so, so sorry. If I had that magic wand, I could fix everything." But, there are no magic wands, or spells to fix this mess. All there is, is me, and my words. Maybe somday they will be enough to begin to repair things. But, I am not hopeful.


In the meantime-

Laugh A Lot, It's Good For You~

Monday, October 15, 2018

Relinquishers? What the frak?

Haven't been around a long time, so long I lost my password to my old blog. So what's new? Apparently, there is something that's not really new out there in adoptionland, but, the "new" thing is horribly vicious, and needlessly cruel. All one need do is look at my lovely friend Claud's Facebook, or her blog to see it. 

While these days find me in exactly one group about adoption, I have not, in fact, lost touch with what is going on. Let me just put this out there right up front ok? I don't give a damn who you are, you do not get to speak for all adoptees if you're an adoptee, nor do you get to speak for all natural mothers if you are a natural mother. All of us, adoptees, and natural mothers, only get to speak for ourselves. Now, this does not mean we don't get to speak up about what is going on with individuals in those groups. So there's that-

With that said, let's talk about "relinquishers." Yes, you read that right, that is what some have taken to calling mothers of loss. Ugly word isn't it? Now let me just get this part out there too. If that's what you call your natural mother, well you just go right ahead and do that. But, here's the thing, you do not get to call all natural mothers that. You don't get to claim you corner the market on pain, or loss, or anything else involved in the horror that is adoption. I do not give shit one that you think it's ok to do this. What I do care about, is this, that the mentality of you and your cronies allows you to gang up on a woman who has given decades of her life fighting for adoptee rights, a woman who has done so, because, she actually cares that all adoptees who want their OBC, have the right to that document, and that those who want their OBC are able to get a copy of it. Why you think it's ok to malign a woman who has done nothing but fight for you, and your rights is beyond me. I don't care that you will most likely come after me for daring to express my thoughts on this subject, nor do I care that you will try to bully me, and berate me for those thoughts. I DO NOT CARE! Give it your best shot, I've had worse things done to me, have been called worse things than a "relinquisher," I've been beaten, both mentally and physically, I've been ignored, called names, reviled, and thrown to the wolves (metaphorically speaking) on more than one occasion. I've had my own child call me horrible names, and that child has refused to speak to me for years now. Nothing you say, or do could be worse than that. I own my part in what happened to the two of us, but I refuse to keep paying for it. I've paid the price a thousand times over, just as so many mothers of loss have paid it. It is not for you to call any mother other than your own a relinquisher. Just as I have no right to speak for all mothers of loss, you do not have the right to speak for all adoptees. You have the right to speak your pain, to vent and scream and cry, and all the other things that go with that pain. I don't get to shush you, I don't get to deny your pain, or you rage, it's not my place. Just as it is not your place to call out an entire population of people, and label them. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that by eating our own we accomplish nothing? Yet, I have seen exactly that for years and years now. We eat our own. How sickening that thought is to me, how horrible that the people most affected by adoption do that to each other. I stopped blogging, I stopped trying, and this is why. We.Eat.Our.Own. it has to stop- Nothing is ever going to change unless we do. 

Claud, I am always proud of you, I am always cheering you on, I love you and I am so, so proud to call you my friend. Keep on keeping on, you are the embodiment of this saying "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and I couldn't be more proud of you. You are a better woman than I am, please don't ever change.

Friday, August 22, 2014

How do we go on?

Putting one foot in front of the other, living our lives, when something so precious and unique is taken from us? How do we get from point A, to B, then C, and finally D? (D is the life after surrender, while B and C are pregnancy and surrender) How do you survive it?

For myself it was as simple and as complicated as stuffing all those things into a lockbox in my brain. Shove it all in, lock it up tight and then move on. The problem with that is this, those things don't stay locked up, at least not in the way we would wish them to stay locked up. They tumble out at the worst times, and then? Well sometimes we do things we shouldn't-some of us drink (I did that for a bit when I was in the army) or we write, or we try to run away (That army thing again) we try so hard to get away from it, and none of what we do works. Or, at least it doesn't work for long.

When it does come tumbling out, where do you find yourself? Me? Usually on the floor curled up in a ball and sobbing.(At least back then) Then the storm passes, the sky clears and amazingly things are pretty damn normal. These days, after all that therapy (gods I hate therapy) I don't find myself curled up on the floor, I can look at the past, and what happened, and I know two things, 1) It wasn't my fault, and 2) I am not the only person who has to own it. For whatever strange reason my child's father gets a pass from her for his abandoning us. He doesn't get a pass from me- he will never get a pass from me. I wonder if he knows that? I am still pretty angry with him- oh, not the "I'll rip your face off" angry anymore. But the, "I'm still pissed because you can't own your part in this mess" angry.

Wow, that felt good to write, and to say-maybe I should make a habit of saying what's really on my mind? What do you think?

Sine Qua Non~

                                                

                                                           "Without Which Not."


  I have often pondered that phrase. Does it create a resonance in you when you read those words? I know it creates one in me, it rings in my head, and in my heart. It's like the old poem, "For want of a nail all was lost."

For want of a nail, think about it.I mean really think about it. What if is usually a fool's game, (and it is in this case) but, I still like to play that game.

What if Jack had been responsible, what if he had gone with me to my parents and we had both told them? Would it have made a difference? What if all that crap that happened after we broke up, had not happened? Would that have changed things? If instead of taking advantage of my inebriated state, he had simply let me pass out and taken me home later? Would that have made a difference?

Those things run around and around in my head, the thoughts chasing each other until I fall into an exhausted sleep. Usually that sleep is filled with terrible dreams, or at least fearful dreams. I wake up, still exhausted, but also sad, and lonely, with tear stained cheeks (often, though not always) and legs that feel as if I have been running all night.

I wonder how many other mother's have these types of thoughts, these kinds of dreams? I am betting most of them that I know well, fall into this trap, or have fallen into it. I also wonder how they kept their sanity all these years. How do you keep your sanity? How do you stop feeling guilty, and useless, and as if you matter not at all to your child?  I don't know those answers-I don't think I will ever know those answers.

What I do know is this, reunion does not fix anything, if anything it makes things more complicated and messy. It is frustrating, maddening, heartbreaking, and yes, joyous as well. These days for me? It's more or less a non-reunion, and you know what? That's ok- it really is. I work, I go to school, and those things eat up a lot of time, I also have three raised children, and that is one of the great joys of my life. To see their faces and know, they will never have to deal with the pain and anguish my eldest had to deal with. I can live with that.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Shauna Voigt Inspired a new thing~



So the comment posted not once, but twice was this "You are fucking spastic idiot" You know lady you really aren't worth the time. But being as woefully ignorant about adoption as you are, I made the time! So I created this especially for you and others like you: Welcome to the Hall of Shame! You're welcome!

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

The Endless Lies of the Capobianco's

http://adoptivecouplevsbabygirl.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/give-us-our-prize-and-our-money-too/


You heartless, cruel people! Ye faithless! Ye Lost! Woe to you on the day this child learns to google her name. Once that happens you are done and nothing not even God himself will save you!


Give Us Our Prize and Our Money Too

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We will follow this to the end. We’ve committed to bringing facts to light in this case and Veronica’s return to the Capobiancos, at least to us, does not mean an end. This case will go on to affect other children and other cases. So in that vein, we bring you more of the story.  We ask that the reader please excuse the long, meandering nature of today’s post. We have so much information we’d like to bring you that it’s difficult to be as concise as we’d like and more facts are coming forth daily.
In the months leading up to what was to be the finalization of the Capobiancos adoption of Veronica, we were told that the Capobiancos would  go to Oklahoma to facilitate the most loving and caring transition of Veronica as humanly possible. They made sure to leak that transition plan online. And that plan called for a week long transition with Veronica spending less time with her father and more time with the Capobiancos as the week progressed. The psychologist who put that together did seem to sympathize with the situation and seems to have given the situation considerable thought but remarked that the damage would still be done to the child regardless. She also noted that the best they could do would be to redirect or distract by giving her a cookie in hopes that she would get past the hurt and soon forget what would happen to her.
That transition plan can be found here.
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But as we’ve maintained from the start, there HAD to be more to this. If the Capobiancos were going to go to Oklahoma to get Veronica, then why was Brown in hot water for not showing up that Sunday with the child in South Carolina? The initial transition plan and their statements made no mention of Brown making any appearance in South Carolina.
Well we’re afraid our suspicions were correct. In fact, court documents show that while the Capobiancos led us to believe they were this loving couple willing to do anything to assure the comfort and well being of this child, they in fact submitted a second, surreptitious transition plan to the courts. This transfer plan was far less concerned with Veronica’s state of mind or her reaction to being taken from her father. In fact, aside from one visit at the attorney’s office, this plan basically called for a two day transition with Brown being available an additional day at their disposal should his presence be needed to smooth things over with Veronica and make her more compliant. It also stated the transition was to happen in their home with Brown on their turf and presumably much more controllable given he’d be in their state.
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We were lied to. We were duped. AND if we were lied to about this, what else were we lied to about? Via the testimony posted on this site, you can see we were lied to by birth mother and the Capobiancos with regard to Brown having any knowledge of the adoption. Birth mother’s testimony also was not in line with her earlier depositions.  At various points, many of them were impeached during the family court hearing.  We’ve also heard from the psychologist, Jan Hunt, who said she was duped by their Guardian Ad Litem into reporting favorably for them while being given incorrect information on which to base her report.  And now we see we were lied to on this issue as well. And with Brown’s hearing for extradition on the parental kidnapping charges looming and now the news of their recent suit against him, could we again be being led astray here?
THE MONEY
According to Michael Overall with Tulsa World late last week, the Capobiancos are also now suing Brown for attorneys fees and costs for their trip to Oklahoma.  He reportedly had a copy of the documents filed September 9th and adamantly noted it was the Capobiancos rather than the courts who initiated the suit. However, the couple insist they were not the ones initiating the suit, the South Carolina courts were.  (Overall’s piece has since been taken down although as you can see here and here, other outlets covered the same issue.) We have to ask ourselves, with such an extensive history of lies, are we wise to believe then that courts are suing on their behalf and this suit isn’t being brought forth by them? Weren’t they also the ones who reminded us very early on that one cannot sue for the benefit of another? (This was their argument early on when they maintained Brown was only trying to get Veronica back for his parents. We were told he could not sue for custody on behalf of another. This was their argument with respect to the initial Oklahoma suit as Brown requested his parents look after the child while he was deployed.)
*We will have more on the money issues associated with this case in the future.
THE JUDGE
This order finalizing the couple’s adoption of Veronica also brings forth a strong point and again, another lie. We were told early on that Brown signed his parental rights away and that it’s only now that he wants to change his mind. He’s a dead beat for doing so and as such he is not entitled to his biological child.  We then have to ask, if he signed his rights away, why then was it necessary for the South Carolina family courts to terminate his rights? We’ve been lied to again it seems. Many knew all along and documents attest to the fact that Brown did NOT sign his parental rights away. And we also know Maldonado admitted that Brown had no idea of her plans to put the child up for adoption.
We also point out that a quick internet search reveals two things with respect to Judge Martin of South Carolina: 1. that he has a history of being a subpar judge with a questionable history there and 2., there are allegations that Martin has had prior dealings or was familiar with the Capobianco family prior to this case. In his Enforcement Order of August 5th, it seems rather obvious to the reader Martin seemed to have a personal stake in this and was upset that he’d been named a defendant in a suit filed days earlier in this case. It would seem he had trouble differentiating between his personal emotions and South Carolina adoption law and, based on other online articles, that he has a long history of allowing his anger to override his making legal, moral and ethical decisions.
Initially Martin pressed for Custodial Interference charges on Brown. After some thought, it appears he realized he’d made some sort of procedural mistake. He then decided that what should have happened was a contempt of court charge instead. Oddly though, the Custodial Interference charges were not dropped but the contempt charges were added on instead. And while it’s well within the courts judgement to issue fines in conjunction with almost all charges, the one part of this being pursued by the courts rather than the Capobiancos are fines for each day Mr. Brown had his daughter beyond the date of their adoption being finalized. That definitely appears to be a judge whose anger has overridden good judgement and gone to a personal level so much so that not only is the punishment of losing his child not enough, Brown must also lose his freedom and finances too.
There are also some who will say well, what was Martin supposed to do? The South Carolina Supreme Court left him no option. As an officer of the courts, Martin’s job is to uphold justice. Veronica’s rights were violated. She was not given a best interest hearing.  Objections were brought up with regard to other documents being amiss too. Martin flat out refused to even consider those objections citing his being instructed by the higher court to ignore all other issues and simply PUSH THIS ADOPTION THROUGH! But Martin in his role as defender of justice could have done what was right rather than what was ordered.  And he did so without ever even protesting. In fact, he seemed more than happy to be finalizing this adoption and terminating Brown’s parental rights. Being ordered to do so is never an excuse for doing the wrong thing.
SPECIAL NEEDS
But the absolute most important issues aside from all of this are that Veronica and her feelings were given no thought in this, that we were lied to in that they had a second plan up their sleeve that also disregarded Veronica’s emotions and that Veronica was declared to be a ‘special needs’ child based solely on her race. I’ve asked many in the field of adoption and foster care why this is. What’s that have to do with anything? Well, in foster placements, states are awarded much more money for the care of special needs children than they are for average children. And in the Dakotas especially, this is an overused excuse for the state to step in and take Native children at alarming rates for little to no reason. It’s nothing more than a way to boost revenues in an already overburdened child welfare system. However, in adoption, there are adoption tax credits to be had. And while I’m still not sure of the specifics, I’ve been led to believe that when adopting a child with special needs, these credits could be ongoing.  A quick check of this online states that couples adopting a special needs child at the very least are entitled to take the full deduction without having to document their adoption expenses which leaves us also to wonder then if there is any merit to stories Maldonado was paid for the child…an expense one could not legally document.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

For Veronica~.

"The older I get, the less patience and tolerance I have for willful ignorance, unnecessary, imaginary competition, and hateful attitudes. The Veronica BROWN case and the horrid comments from people who have NO IDEA what they are talking about make me wonder if this country isn't completely lost for good as this seems to be the prevalent idea of what is acceptable. 

Speaking ill of a child's biological parents is speaking ill of the child. Valuing a coerced text message sent in confusion, anger, and sadness over and above the rights of a child is disgusting. And feeling that it is acceptable for people to "legally" (highly debatable) but immorally remove a child from her fit and loving BLOOD and BIOLOGICAL REFLECTION against her wishes, in favor of monied and connected strangers is abuse. Pressing questionable charges and suing a FATHER to strong-arm out of his child is vulgar and classless, not to mention completely unethical.

I am thoroughly disgusted with "people" today and my urge to GTFO of this nasty cesspool of idiots and selfish, entitled asses is overwhelming. No wonder there are people who consider a so-called "American attitude" of entitlement, selfishness, and utter lack of compassion, offensive and worthy of scorn. It is one of the most horrifying things I've ever witnessed." K.D. 



Let's being by saying this, the entire adoption reform movement is in mourning tonight for our newest member of loss, and we are in disbelief. We are outraged, we are angry, and we are not going to be quiet. Not now, not ever. The people who have done this to Little Star think they have won, but (and someone else said this first) in winning they have surely lost everything. In his pain and grief Dusten Brown is a gracious man, who (while not defeated) showed how much he truly deserves the title Father. He and his wife Robin, put their daughter's well being ahead of their pain and grief. He has done so since this fight began, that's what good mother's and father's do, they put their children first, not their own selfish wants and needs.

 I am tired of those supporters who keep asking where Dusten was the first four months of her life, wtf? He was in training to go to Iraq, and then he was in Iraq. How do you people dare try to tarnish this good man? How do you have the gall to accuse him of abandoning his child, when the mother cut him off, refused anything and everything he offered her and also refused to even inform him of her so called "plan?" How do you call yourselves "Good Christians" and "Good People" how do you dare?  How do you people justify the dog and pony show that is now just starting? How do you sleep at night knowing what you have condoned, and how do the Capobianco's look in a mirror, let alone sleep at night knowing what they have done to this tiny human being? I have some words for all of you, they are not Happy Birthday...

All that being said, let's take a look at what is likely to happen to this little girl. It is likely that Veronica already suffers from PTSD, being separated at birth from her natural mother was a huge trauma. Imagine it, this tiny human was willfully separated from her entire world at birth. As much as I despise what her natural mother did, I will not stoop to name calling here at this time. It was her willfully thwarting Dusten that led to all of this.

Onwards, now let's talk about Split Feather Syndrome, for a good look at it you can go here: http://splitfeathers.blogspot.com/p/split-feathers-study-by-carol-locust.html

Some highlights:

This study has revealed that:

• placing American Indian children in foster/ adoptive non-Indian homes puts them at great risk for experiencing psychological trauma that leads to the development of long-term emotional and psychological problems in later life

• the cluster of long-term psychological liabilities exhibited by American Indian adults who experienced non-Indian placement as children may be recognized as a syndrome (Syndrome: a set of symptoms, which occur together. From Dorland’s Medical Dictionary, 24th edition, 1965.) 

The Split Feather Syndrome appears to be related to a reciprocal-possessive form of belongingness unique to survivors of cultures that have faced annihilation.

The Split Feathers themselves have identified the following factors as major contributors to the development of the syndrome, in order of their importance:

1. the loss of Indian identity

2. the loss of family, culture, heritage, language, spiritual beliefs, tribal affiliation and tribal ceremonial experiences

3. the experience of growing up being different

4. the experience of discrimination from the dominant culture

5. a cognitive difference in the way Indian children receive, process, integrate and apply new information—in short, a difference in learning style 

You can also read here: http://doczine.com/bigdata/1/1367000822_e170ab00c8/55137.pdf

To learn more about the ICWA and it's importance read here:

http://www.mncourts.gov/Documents/0/Public/Childrens_Justice_Initiative/Ryan_-_ICWA.pdf

Lest you think it is only First Nations children who suffer these sorts of things, please read here:

http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/16/world/international-adoption-korea-adoptee-advocates/index.html

Now let's talk about the higher suicide rates among adoptees, I actually did a paper on this subject for Adolescent Psychology.

 You can read a short summary here:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11483840

How about internalized racism? Do you think perhaps this is a contributing factor in Split Feather Syndrome?

"Internalized racism is the personal conscious or subconscious acceptance of the dominant society’s racist views, stereotypes and biases of one’s ethnic group. It gives rise to patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that result in discriminating, minimizing, criticizing, finding fault, invalidating, and hating oneself while simultaneously valuing the dominant culture."

Do you think it's possible this could happen to Veronica? That in order for her to cope in an all white world she will learn to hate herself?

I also want to point out that this child being isolated from her natural family has already begun. They are going to try and break this child's spirit, her will, her very being, and soul are on the line here. From what we have all read we know that the C's have already said no visits or phone calls for six months. How much damage is going to be done to this child in that time? Are they going to convince her that her family gave her away because they don't love her anymore? Will they deny the family the ability to even send this child a card or gift? Of if they allow it will they accept the gifts and change the name of the giver?  There are so many things that they could do, but might not be willing to do. There are still many more things that they probably shouldn't do, that they will. All in the name of making this child "as if born to" them.

 The craziness of the adoption machine marches on, and the tune it marches it to is this, greed, entitlement, money and power. It has been said by many, but I am going to say it again anyway. Infant Adoption in this country has become about finding babies for people who want them, rather than finding homes for babies need them. This must change, if we are to protect families and preserve them it must change. I envision a this, an act entitled UCWA, the Uniform Child Welfare Act, (We can call it Veronica's Law) it should act and function in the same ways as the ICWA, only it will cover every child, of every ethnicity and every parent who wants and deserves a chance to raise their child(ren).

In closing I want to urge all of you reading to not give up. If we are to have meaningful reform we must not let this case die away and forget, we must use it as the opportunity it is for all of us, including the Brown family. I urge them to not stop fighting, that whatever offers you have to help you be taken advantage of, now before it is too late and the support you have now begins to bleed away. I know you are hurting, I know this is hard, and I know you need time to process, but please I am begging you, don't take too long to decide upon a course of action. The time to strike is now, while the injustice of this is still fresh in the public's minds and hearts.


I also want to urge all of my readers to please go here and sign:

http://www.change.org/petitions/state-of-oklahoma-and-u-s-department-of-justice-eric-holder-investigate-the-adoption-of-veronica-brown