Saturday, February 11, 2012

Veronica Rose and her Daddy

I don't know how many of you have heard of this case but here it is- if you support this man please go to the facebook page Keep Veronica Home and like it. I have to say I thought the Vaughn case was a media circus, but this case really makes me angry. Personal attacks and stalking this family have to stop. If you look at the page Save Veronica Rose, you will see what I am talking about. There are some people on there who scare the living hell out of me. You can also help by reporting that page and the people there who advocate violence and stalking and the use of the law to harm those who support the Brown family.

"Supporters of Keep Veronica Home" "Imagine what it would take to get ready to be deployed to Iraq. Signing your daughters paperwork giving power of attorney to your children's mothers would be high on the list. You are engaged to your baby's mother and plan to be married on your first leave and you therefore have no reason to distrust the papers she has given you to sign. Later, JAG tells you that the paper you signed is not Power of Attorney and that instead your fiance intended for you to sign your parental rights away to your baby so she can put her up for adoption. This is what happened to Dusten Brown, Cherokee Nation tribal member. As soon as JAG caught the paperwork, the military immediately took steps to object on Dusten's behalf. When Dusten located his baby girl, his attorney filed for custody. At this point, Veronica was 4 months old and he has been fighting ever since for his rights as her biological parent. Imagine fighting in a war through all this while thinking about where your baby girl is and if she is ok. He was recently awarded custody of Veronica on New Year’s Eve, then of course the media explosion took place. Dusten has been vilified by the media as a father who suddenly changed his mind two years later. This is not true. He has been fighting for his daughter since he found out that the mother gave her up. Many of the adoptive parents supporters believe that the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) was “misused” in this case. Adoptive parent supporters have also made many false or misleading allegations, such as Dusten is not involved in his culture. However, none from their supporters can verify this claim nor many of the other allegations against Dusten. Dusten has been a Cherokee Nation member since birth, and his family is involved in Cherokee and local Native American activities. His oldest daughter knows some of the Cherokee language and Dusten himself has even sang at the drum. Since taking custody of his daughter at New Years, Veronica’s picture became the poster icon for the Christian Alliance for Indian Child Welfare’s plight against a law many Native American peoples strongly support, the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). Due to such a sensitive nature of such a case and the minor child involved, media usually holds back from posting or identifying minor children. Does the Save Veronica Rose or the Christian Alliance have his permission to use his daughter’s photos? No. Even though his attornies were able to get a “gag order,” to attempt to quiet the media attention, these groups are using her photo on every street corner, every bar, every public place available. The Christian Alliance quickly obtained 20,000 signatures for a massive campaign to repeal ICWA turning it into North Carolina’s senate a week ago. The Save Veronica Rose group sells perfume, holds daily fundraisers, and posts Veronica’s picture everywhere to raise money for their cause. All the while, the court records have been sealed, even though Dusten’s attorneys have filed for them to reveal the legal evidence that the judge used to determine the case. As his friends, we know Dusten has nothing to hide and wants the public record to be set straight, not through more media, but through court evidence. Even so, the Brown’s lives have been turned upside down from the unwanted media attention, especially what has been written in his own home town, the Bartlesville Examiner, who wrote inaccurately about the case. Dusten has to wear a bullet-proof vest to step outside his house and he, as well as his family, fear for both his daughters’ safety. His oldest daughter’s home was recently vandalized when someone threw a brick through their window, signed SVR (Save Veronica Rose). Did you know that biological parents like Dusten, who have done nothing to warrant it, lose custody rights to their children every day in this country? Will you please help support his family and friends by “liking” his family’s facebook page, Keep Veronica Home. If you care about your Tribal Nation’s ability to use ICWA, support the National Indian Child Welfare face book page and show your support of the Cherokee Nation’s ability to use this law in Dusten’s case. Your support will help to add some protection and give love to a family who only wanted their daughter home."

Friday, February 10, 2012

So-I have been thinking about words and wounds

I have waited a really long time to post this comment. I did not post it on the op "It's Been Awhile" because I knew who wrote it, and chalked it up to her age. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought we as mothers need to confront hurtful comments such as this-
"
you dont matter. all you do is sit there and complain about a life your not living and wasting your life on a person that you gave up by your choice and you dont live for those you have in your life, and they hate you for it if your blind to that to. you will have no one. and i feel thats what you deserve.By Anonymous on It's Been Awhile "
I have written several times about "picking scabs" and it felt for a long time that posting this little gem would be doing that. So I waited-and here it is. I have to wonder now what really motivated that comment. I don't matter- that's the first thing that stung. How can I not matter to my children? Whether you agree with how I parent them or not is besides the point, how can a mother not matter to her children? Doesn't matter that I didn't raise my eldest, I still mattered enough for her to come find me.
The second thing that stung? "That you gave up by your choice" I don't know how many times I have to say it wasn't a choice. I don't know how many times any mother has to say it wasn't a choice. Being lied to, and being coerced means there is no choice. Simple, end of story, I had no choice. Do I need to scream this from the top of the Sears Tower in the middle of the day for it to be heard? Does any mother have to do this? Listen when we tell you-WE HAD NO CHOICE!
I think I addressed the "being blind" part- so how about this. "You don't live for those you have in your life" well, actually yes I do. They are the reason I go to school, the reason I work, the reason I open my eyes in the morning. The simple joy of seeing their faces is what keeps me going even on the days I don't want to go on. I don't believe they hate me, nor do I believe they ever will.
"you will have no one. and I feel thats what you deserve" you can feel whatever you like, as for deserving to be alone, well I might indeed be alone someday. Most of us are, but it won't be because my children hate me, or because I deserve to be. It will be because my children have moved on, moved out and are living their lives as adults. I hope that they can come to me with their problems, and ask for my advice on their problems, or any other thing they need advice on.
My children whom I raised still say goodnight to me everynight, they tell me they love me, and you are long gone. I can't help but think my child is better off without you in their life. It wasn't a good relationship for either of you. I love you as I love him. But I know that when you wrote this you were hurt, and angry, and you also knew just how much these words would hurt. I forgive you for that. The thing is, many many people believe that what you wrote is what natural mothers deserve in truth. That is why we must confront comments like this, face them, and allow them to roll off our backs like water off a ducks back. If we don't, if we let the words fester inside us, let the words make us bleed, all we are doing is letting a wound become infected and then? We end up picking those scabs again, and that is not good for us.