The McCord Family

I started a new blog. Come visit us at

www.spurgeonfamilyof5.blogspot.com

Tomorrow is the big day. I woke up this morning with a list of "things to do" running through my head, and one of them happens to be coming here. While this poor blog has been terribly neglected, I wanted to come here this morning and share what is on my heart. This blog has been a great source of healing for me through the past few years. It has allowed me an outlet to pour out my heart It has allowed me to come in contact with others who have experienced similar loss. Through your comments here, I have felt loved and cared for.

For many years, I prayed that God would give me a glimpse into the future. I just wanted to know that there was, in fact, light at the end of my tunnel. After all, a tunnel is a hard place to be. It's dark and a little scary. While you may be able to learn a little bit about the tunnel through studying beforehand, there are unexpected turns and twists along the way that you don't know about until you are there.

In many ways, that's where I feel like I've been the past few years. I've been traveling through a tunnel that I knew very little about. As I traveled through my tunnel, there were times when I felt really good. I knew that God loved me. I knew that He had the ability to bring good out of a very difficult time. There were other times when I didn't feel so good. The batteries in my flashlight died, and I got a little turned around. I wasn't sure which way led to the exit. With a new set of batteries, God enabled me to see again and get back on track. And then there were the times I would rather not talk about. I'm sad to say that there were times when I wanted to give up. There were times that I wanted to run in the opposite direction, but I soon realized that I could not do that. There was nothing left to go back to, and while I had the option of staying where I was, that really was not a good choice either. So, I chose to forge ahead. I chose to trust that God had a plan even though I could not see it.

 As I sit and type today, my eyes are filled with tears because I can see light. God has brought us a wonderful man. Dallas loves the Lord. He loves me, and he loves Lincoln. He is a hard worker and a man of his word. He cares for others and is generous with his time and money. He is supportive of our relationship with Keith's family. He is a great dad. Today I am grateful for the love and grace that God has shown me through my journey, and I am thankful for the light that he brought into our lives!

We're engaged! I'm a little late in posting this...but that's nothing new. My poor blog is quite neglected these days. Dallas proposed on March 2nd. Here's the story:

I had a suspicion that something was up that day. Several people from the front office at school came down to our classroom to talk to my co-teacher. It wasn't so much that they came, but the fact that Jenna never mentioned what they wanted that made me think that Dallas might be up to something.

We were almost finished with dismissal when I noticed someone carrying my school bag and my purse and placing it by the door. A few minutes later, a stretch hummer pulled into the parking lot. Dallas got out, and I walked in to get my things. (I'm pretty sure he thought I was running away from him when I did this.) My whole teaching team was there plus the school secretary and a few others. They took a few pictures, and then we were off.

Being that it was a Friday, I was wearing my lovely school shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes, so I begged Dallas to let me run home and at least change my shirt and shoes. He agreed to let me run home as long as I was quick. I quickly ran in, freshened up, and ran back to the hummer. Once I got back in, we headed to our destination.

While we were riding, he handed me a stuffed bear. I told him "thank you" and really didn't think much of it. He waited a few minutes, and then pointed out that the bear had a little story attached to his ear. I read the tag, and kinda wondered why he was making such a big deal about the bear. A few more minutes went by, and he said, "There might be something you want on the bear." I started looking at the bear, but I didn't see anything. I turned it this way and that, but I came up with nothing. I basically gave up and came to the conclusion that he was just messing with me. He insisted that something shiny was on the bear. Dallas finally gave up and took the ring off the bear's paw. (The bear was pretty fuzzy. I couldn't see or feel the ring.) He got down on his knee in the limo and proposed. I , of course, said yes. We enjoyed a really nice dinner at The Melting Pot, and then we returned back to my parent's house to get Lincoln.

The big day is set for June 8th. :)

This December marked five years since Keith passed away. It's crazy how that can seem so far away in one sense, and in another sense, it seems like it couldn't possibly have been that long ago.

While we were in Tennessee, I went to visit Keith's grave. It was my first time to be back since we buried him. It may seem strange that I haven't been sooner. It's not that I don't think of him or miss him. I just know that he's not there. I can talk to him or think about him anywhere. I don't need to be at the cemetary to do those things.

As I was driving up, I couldn't help but remember riding in the car behind the hearse. That is one of those memories that will be forever etched in my mind. I remember fighting so hard to keep my composure, but on the inside, I was falling apart. Once I was there, I couldn't help but remember the moment when they started putting dirt on Keith's grave at the end of the service. I'm not sure why that bothered me so much, but it did. I remember telling my parents that I needed to get out of there. I remember sitting in the car waiting for other cars to exit, so that we could leave the cemetary and go pick up my precious six month old little baby.

As I sat at Keith's grave, I cried. I cried more that I have cried in a long, long time. I cried for the pain he endured. I cried for the times that I have missed his encouraging words or gentle touch. I cried for the family of three that is now a family of two. I cried for all the moments that he has missed with Lincoln. After I regained my composure and blew my nose (blowing your nose while wearing gloves is no easy task by the way), I went around and took some pictures. I know that at some point Lincoln will start asking questions. Since we don't live near the graveyard, I wanted to have a few pictures on hand to show him.

As sad as this moment was, I will say that as the five year mark rolled around, I was struck with gratefulness at how far God has taken me on this journey. God has brought a wonderful, Christian man into our lives. It seems a little odd to be sharing it in this post, but he is a piece of our story at this point in time. After losing Keith, I prayed that God would bring us a man who could allow us to love him along with loving Keith. While our relationship is just beginning (we've been dating for about 5 months), I've been amazed at the support and encouragement that he has provided.

Halloween Post

This year Lincoln chose to be a ninja. Here are a few pictures of him showing off his "moves."