The Readiness Is All

Today helped fix the hug issues of last night.
First, I was all kinds of useful (after I read a couple of chapters of Disgrace and checked out the news, of course). I cleaned my room and my bathroom (even the toilet!), vacuumed the hall, did my laundry, made a go fighting our losing battle with the dishes, and made lemon bars for my visiting teach-ees (no idea how to write that), so I felt more than usually domestic and Donna Reedish (not normally a feeling I relish, but occasionally it's nice to know the skills are there), and it was a nice productive feeling. Treb sent me a song called "Emotional Weather Report" by Tom Waits, which was awesome, and was immediately added to a playlist in progress. Miri came over to watch What Not to Wear with me while I did my laundry, and we got to visit for awhile. (I showed her the amazing David Letterman clips from the night when McCain canceled on him. So funny. Yay Dave.) After I showed her this amazing clip from Lindsey's blog (Alan Rickman singing in Truly, Madly, Deeply, a movie that I really need to see now), we did a little research on the song "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine (Anymore)" and learned that, although we should probably acquire the version by Frankie Valli at some point because it seems to be the standard, Keane did a cover that is AMAZING. So we went about getting our hands on it, and did so with great success and reckless abandon. (I just wanted to say "reckless abandon.") We also found Muse versions of "Creep" and "House of the Rising Sun," and a Fiona Apple cover of "Across the Universe," and all of them were pretty awesome. (Although none quite as amazing as the Keane cover, which I've listened to four or five times today and will probably listen to at least a couple more time before I go to bed. I don't know what it is, but it's just a really happy song, and I like their version a lot.)
In fact, now that I've gone on about it for this long, I think I need to post both videos.
Truly, Madly, Deeply clip that Lindsey posted and which sparked the whole thing:

And the Keane cover (not as amazing, but still amazing):


Now that that's done, we'll carry on. The visit from Miri was good, and she gave me a non-virtual hug (not that those weren't all greatly appreciated, guys). I had a FABULOUS dinner of tortellini and my amazing spinach salad with green olives and feta, and then went to FHE, where Apple Pie Ryan (as I like to call him because he announces the time and place of Apple Pie every night, and because I don't ever remember his last name) gave both Whitney and me hugs. Now, he hugs everyone all the time, but he gives good hugs. I think I hugged him back tighter than he expected, but it was just the emotional Heimlich I needed.
After FHE, Amanda and I went visiting teaching and I got to share something I'd been thinking about since Sunday school, and our home teachers came later on (it's so the end of the month) and they seem like good guys. One of them looks like Treat Williams and the other looks like Dave Moody.

All in all, I wanted to get more done in the realm of studying and job applications, but it was the kind of day I needed to get back on. Also, I tried a new hairstyle today, and I like it. You can't really see it here, but there are little french braids on both sides and then it's pulled up into a different kind of bun than I've done before and it was easy, which is amazing because french braids and I have never been good friends in the me doing them department. Always nice to expand the skills in that area.

So there you go. But I'll still be accepting hugs.

Side note: I added a new feature, "Playlist in Progress." This is for the work of art type playlists that take lots of time and consideration, and I have one of those in the works. Watch for updates. :)

I just remembered this clip. It's hilarious.




Also, you should probably check out the Palin/Couric interview and the debate parody from this week's SNL. Awesome times 10.

Do you ever realize that you just haven't touched anyone for awhile? I've been feeling that way today. I don't know why, exactly, because I got to cuddle with my nephew Cole yesterday while we waited in line for the lift up to the alpine slide at Park City, and I saw my mom and dad last night when I went up for Women's Conference. But on days like today I miss Jennie's constant hugs and the days when Miri used to attack me when I came into a room. I miss Mandy picking me up and Geoff hugging me against my will and Michael Lundwall, who was a shameless flirt but who gave great hugs, and Jonathan just always being good for a hug when you needed him. I even miss Kevin and Steve competing for the best goodbye and picking me up until they pretty much pulled my shoulders out of their sockets, and Krissie draping herself all over whenever I was sitting down.
It's one of the funny things about being in a new place. When you stay in the same place for awhile, you know who is comfortable - who you can talk to easily, whose apartment is always open to you, who can give you a hug when you need one (without suspecting you of ulterior motives). When you aren't sure of your relationships with people because you are new (and, in my case, you have some issues with touch being natural anyway) it's kind of a funny feeling to know that those options aren't as readily available. Kind of a weird version of loneliness, I guess. I need a big, fat, squeezey hug and I don't know where to get it.
Or maybe all of this just comes from my watching several episodes of Pushing Daisies in the last couple of days. I'm feeling for Chuck and Ned a little too much.

Paul Newman died this morning. Why do I always feel sad when people I don't know except through movies die?
Commence a weekend of The Long Hot Summer and The Sting.

Here's one of my favorite clips from Cool Hand Luke. Since it's the song Luke sings when his mother dies, it seems appropriate.

Big news, folks.
Yesterday (wow, yesterday?) I got a message from Lindsey while I was working in the reading room saying that she was offered a job out here and asking if I could come out there in a couple of weeks to drive back with her. She called me earlier this week asking if I thought that would be an option - let's be honest, I don't have school or a steady job besides my internship, so I'm pretty available - because she needed to know what choices she had for getting out here. I told her when I was available and that I thought I could probably swing it if that was what needed to happen, never dreaming that it would come up just a few days later.
I talked to my boss before I left the library that day, and she immediately wrote down the days on the calendar. I talked to my mom, who wasn't happy about it, but was resigned (it will be fine, Mom!) and then I told Lindsey I was in.
Today she bought me a ticket. I'll be flying out on Oct. 10 and we'll drive out the next day. I'm actually really excited about it. I know that it's a lot of driving, but I think everyone should get to drive cross country at least once, especially if it means that your good friend will be living much closer to you at the end of the drive! I wish I could spend more time in Maryland (and by Maryland I actually mean D.C.) but I still think it's going to be cool, and naturally traveling with Lindsey will be lovely. I'm going to take a GRE word list (she's taking it soon too, so we can study together) and she's bringing knitting needles, so it will be pretty nerdy. Just they way we like them. (Remember Phoenix? Yeah.)
Anyway, work starts on the cross country playlist tomorrow, which means that Lin, I'll need to know which states we're going to be going through, and I'll be accepting suggestions from the general readership of the blog for traveling songs of any kind. I think we have to include Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again," and Jackie Green's "Travelin' Song," but there are more out there, and you know them, so let's bring them all out.

Final note: watching the presidential debate tonight was a good time, as was Whitney and my brief trip to the Sego Festival on Center Street (we didn't stay too long to that - the sound quality was bad and the band was mediocre - but we did get to meet up with our new friend Cameron and his friend Demetri, so it was still fun). I'll probably post about both later, but I need to process and be more awake. I will say that my favorite thing that happened while we were watching it was Krissie announcing that one of her friends had changed her status on Facebook to something like "So and so thinks Obama's bracelet is cooler than McCain's." Hahahaha. I have no idea why they went on about that forever, but I agree.

Funny story of the day:
This evening I walked up to this park that's near my apartment - it's nice and not too crowded, and I figure if all else fails I got a nice walk - to do some reading and study for the GRE. While I was there, a car full of boys pulled up to play football. There were four of them, and they went out to the field and set up like they were getting ready to play a nice little game.
And then two of them took their shirts off.
Now, recall what I said about their numbers. There were four. The only conclusion I can come to is that they decided to play shirts and skins, because without this indicator they couldn't remember which other person was on their team.

Also, for those of you with strong political opinions who aren't registered to vote yet, I just made it easier. Click the Rock the Vote widget that I just put in my sidebar and you can fill out a registration form in about two minutes, and then all you have to do is print it and mail it. Cool beans, eh?

And wait! There's more! Lindsey wrote an amazing post that you should check out, called "Storytime." It's awesome.

And we're just not thinking about Miri moving.

The last couple of days have been awesome. I feel empowered for reasons that I cannot divulge here (maybe you should post about this, Lin, since you liked the story so much. hahaha), I feel pretty and intelligent and competent (except when I'm pre-catting on that last one - yikes!), I feel optimistic and excited, and I feel pleasantly satisfied with tonight.
Last night we had a fun FHE activity - just some ridiculous relays, but it was good for socializing and I'm starting to feel like I belong here. I am grateful to people like Aubrey, who always comes up and hugs Whitney and me and seems genuinely excited to see us. People like that are a gift.
Tonight was our first Snooty Food night, and we went to Happy Sumo for some very excellent sushi and some very stellar company. Afterward, we went to see The Chorus at IC, which was a wonderful movie - highly recommended.
Sorry that there isn't anything earthshaking or funny about this post. I have stories that match both criteria, but I'm not sure I can write about them. I'm very tired and enjoying the bliss that it is to be curled up under a blanket listening to Miles Davis, and I'm not giving you my best stuff, so I'm going to turn in now. Suffice it to say, all is well.

My favorite postsecret secret of the week.



Also, this is hilarious. Yay for SNL.

There is an amazing unspoken truth at BYU that goes something like "if you feed them, they will come." Any time there is food, you are guaranteed that people will come to your gathering, which spurs events like "Muddy Buddy Sunday," "Thirsty Thursday," "Martinelli Monday," and tonight, the "Root Beer Floatial."
I'm not saying that these things aren't a good idea. I myself have thrown my share of Waffle Bar Sundays and Non-Alcoholic Pina Colada night (NAPC). But despite that fact, when I am not throwing them, I hate them.
I understand the need for food or drinks in these situations. You have to have something to hold so that you don't just have to stand there awkwardly with your arms folded. And drinks are better than food, because if you finish your cookie and go back for more you feel like a pig, plus there's crumb potential. What I hate is the necessity of having them. Inevitably I feel awkward walking into someone else's apartment and trying to strike up a conversation about where people are from and what their names are and how we're all going to remember that because so and so looks just like our good friend who has the same name, blah blah. These kinds of events go one of two ways for me:

1. I leave early because I feel incredibly awkward and can't attach myself to any groups,
2. I end up talking really loud and making a fool out of myself about something that doesn't matter.

I have to say though, the Root Beer Floatial was one of the more successful events I've seen around these parts, or at least it was for me. Whitney and I got to talk to some guys we've been attempting to become friends with, and we met a few other people and had a good time, despite the fact that we both used the term "liminal space" in normal conversation. Whoops. I think this is going to be a good place to be, I just hate waiting for the time when it will stop being weird to go to every single activity.
Also, I'd just like to throw this out there: I could really use a dating victory. Despite some leftover shyness that will always be part of my personality I'm sure, some of my London confidence remains, in both my manner and my ability to put together a rockin' outfit. These things should pay off eventually. I am really tired of things going nowhere. I'm not a particularly awkward or disgusting person, and I feel like something in my relationships with the opposite gender should start reflecting this, much as I enjoy my supply of good friends, which includes several guys I wanted to date and am still friends with even though it turned out they didn't feel that way about me. At this point, I'd even settle for a really big heartbreak if I got to date someone for awhile first. (Okay, that's probably a lie. But honestly, the time has come. Sheesh.)
Now I'm done.

This morning I got an email from Amazon that made me very sad. It was titled "Featured Favorites in Paranormal Romance." It began, "Megan, as someone who has shown an interest in romance, you might like to browse our section on paranormal romance featuring . . ."
Okay, now I realize that the reason for this is that I have preordered a few of Stephenie Meyer's novels, because how else can you get them without going to a midnight release party? When I read my more brainy books, I usually get them from used book stores or the library or Treb, so I have no need to buy them on Amazon, thus skewing my recommendations list. But I still would have preferred it if Amazon had offered me a selection of, say, new books of postcolonial criticism, or new translations of obscure novels by Russian novelists. Instead I, captain in the fight against romance addiction, get recommendations for "Sherrilyn Kenyon, Kresley Cole, Anna Windsor, and more."
Sigh.

Some things that are great:

• I am now officially a member of the plasma donation program! I have a sweet $30 in my pocket and all it took was an hour in a chair watching some ridiculous movie and talking to Mallory. Unless you count the physical that I had because it was my first time - there were a lot of firsts if you add the physical in there. Anyway, I'm going back on Wednesday. My dad isn't excited about it because he thinks that people who donate plasma are all drug addicts and homeless people, but since they checked me all over for drug use (the back of my knees, between my toes . . .) and made me bring proof of residency, I think we're fine. Since I have awesome veins and no qualms about needles, we're golden. (By the way, if you want in on the action, let me know, because I get $10 if I refer someone who donates twice. Just so you know.)
  
• I have now watched all of the ShakepeaRe-told movies except the one I'm most excited about, which I'm saving to watch with Krissie. (Mmm . . . James McAvoy, Richard Armitage and sweet, sweet murder in the kitchen.) I liked the others, although Much Ado About Nothing remains the best of the so fars.
  
• Have I mentioned how excited I am that Lindsey is moving back here? Because I am A LOT excited about that.
  
• I started a couple of books because I'm stuck on the one I'm reading now, plus I joined an extra book club and need some award winning books to talk about next month. I'm looking at A Confederacy of Dunces and Disgrace. So far, so good.
  
• Treb requested a playlist this morning, a thing that always makes me happy. I may be crap at getting jobs, but let's be honest - when it comes to having songs for every occasion, I am still the queen. :)
  
• Saw the Mo Tab with the Utah Symphony tonight, and it was a good time. Looked in the program at some of the upcoming Utah Symphony performances and wished I had more money or a very culturally-minded boyfriend with money so that I could go and hear the upcoming Stravinsky and Mahler and Benjamin Britten that are all part of Keith Lockhart's last season, not to mention Madame Butterfly, which I want to see despite Whitney giving it the one negative review I've heard her give any opera (because Madame Butterfly took too long to die). Maybe I'll just see Don Giovanni at BYU instead. Sigh.
• One week until debate night! Whitney and I are so excited that I'm surprised we haven't made a count down chain. Maybe during the debate we'll make a countdown to election day. In any case, there will be a debate night party, complete with some kind of food goodness TBD.
• Erin texted me in the library the other day to tell me that she had something amazing for me. I've learned to believe Erin when she says this (remember the "You Are the Greatest" medal?) so I went and found her when I got to my shelving hour. It was a button from the Orca grant people. It said "Fab." It's currently on my wall. Of course.
• This video:
  

I think that's it for now. Happy weekend, and go BYU against Wyoming.

Happy thing of the day: I've been looking for this for a long time.


It's a short series of movies that the BBC did where they take the stories of Shakespeare and tell them in modern settings. Now, we won't go into all of the interesting questions about whether it's any reflection of Shakespeare without his language since the stories weren't very original to begin with. The point is that the series features several of my favorite British actors (James McAvoy, Rufus Sewell, Shirley Henderson, Keeley Hawes, Richard Armitage, Damian Lewis . . .)
Anyway. It finally came in at the Orem Library, and I snatched it up. I may have to own it at some point, because based on the first one I watched (Much Ado About Nothing, because I know Krissie wants to watch Macbeth with me for the James McAvoy factor), they're lovely. Damian Lewis was a fabulous Benedick, and the line from the beginning of this post is one of his. So friends, I continue to be a closet (or public) BBC addict.
Also, I talked to my buddy Quinn the HR guy at the library today, and he introduced me to another person, and they're both being very helpful about the whole "Megan needs a job in the library" thing. Quinn said he'd be happy to give recommendations to supervisors on any jobs that seem good to me, and the other lady took my name and contact info. Cross your fingers that something there works out before I'm forced out of the library, because I'd really like to work there while I'm doing the MLS thing.
Also - saw Our Brand is Crisis at International Cinema last night, and it was completely fascinating and disturbing. My friend Stephen, who went with me as an IC virgin, said that after seeing it he thinks he's just going to write himself in for president on election day, because based on that movie, who knows who's really running the country? Good stuff. I love quality documentaries.
Now that I've created a nerd sandwich out of this post, I'm off to the park to study for the GRE, where I will hopefully not get more mystery bites than I already have. Seriously, if there is a spider making it's home in my room, it is going down. Hopefully it's just bites from FHE on Monday.

So did I mention that while I was in England I was the personal google for everyone in the London Centre? I swear, pretty much everyone asked me before they did anything else. "Megan, what's the reading for Shakespeare today?" "Megan, what's Dr. Holland expecting on this paper?" "Megan, what time are we going to get home from our daytrip?"
It was all very entertaining, and except during those times when the questions were absurdly out of my area of expertise ("Megan, what should I write my paper about for the class you aren't actually taking?), I enjoyed it. What's funny is when it continues past England.
Message on my voicemail last night: "Megan, I have a question about a book, and I also want to talk to you about how we should organize our Snooty Foods Club."
The Snooty Foods Club part made sense, because we'd been emailing about it for a couple of weeks, but the book was completely random. "Megan, I'm thinking about reading The Picture of Dorian Grey. Does it advocate the philosophy of hedonism?"
I made him "review" for me what hedonism is and then gave my best opinion about the answer to his question (probably not) as well as telling him whether or not he should read it (of course you should, it's Oscar Wilde for heaven's sake) and it was kind of funny, but gratifying when he said he wanted to talk to someone whose opinion he valued, so he called me. There is definitely something a little head-swelling about being told your opinion is valued.
This kind of thing, by the way, is definitely the reason I started looking into the library thing. I like being a source of information to people, and I like having them view me as a credible source (like JSTOR vs. Wikipedia).
In other news, I went to a movie the other night with my friend Kellie, a person whose opinion I value, and she made me feel better about my whole current situation. "You're young, you're single, and you may as well explore your options," she said. "The only problem is answering the questions from the people who think you should have your life figured out by now. So just decide that you don't care. You're the only one who has to be happy with what you're doing right now. Spend time in libraries. Read books. Go hiking." Her advice was exactly what I needed to hear at the time, and I appreciated her encouragement. I am grateful for these moments with friends who know when I need to hear that I am smart and capable and can do anything I want to, especially during the oh-so-wonderful job hunting process, and I'm grateful for those continuing google moments that make me think I'm on the right track.
Lastly in the Megan ego-stoking post: today I felt really pretty and then a couple of people actually told me that I looked pretty, and it made me really happy.
Also, I will award 15 points to the first person who can tell me what song the title of this post comes from.

I may have just received the most amazing present of my life from Lindsey.

That's right, friends. Portable chopsticks. No more having to eat ice cream with a spoon because you aren't at home - you can carry them with you everywhere! The case reminds me of some reading glasses my mom has.
They divide into pieces and screw together for extra portability.
And voila! Eating in style!

I must have laughed for five minutes straight when I opened the package today. So great.

Here's a list of the movies I really want to see at IC - at least so far. Sometimes I add things after I see the preview. Feel free to tag along.

• The Lives of Others - Done and done. Excellent. (German)
  
• The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - going tonight. It's about the editor of Elle, who becomes paralyzed except for his left eye, and he blinks out his memoirs. (French)
  
• Under the Same Moon - hopefully sometime this week - about a little boy from Mexico whose mom is working in the states. Whoever is taking care of him dies and he goes looking for his mom. (Spanish/English)
  
• Our Brand is Crisis- a documentary about designing campaigns - engineering democracy in other countries. It looks interesting. (Spanish/English)
  
• After Life - something about sifting through memories at the way station between earth and heaven, trying to find a memory that will take you to heaven. (Japanese)
• The Chorus - An idealistic teacher turns a group of delinquent students into a choir. (French)
  
• Whisky - a lonely middle aged man asks his friend to pretend to be his wife when his more successful brother comes to visit, and they seem like a real married couple, even without much interaction.
• The Willow Tree - I'm tired of writing synopses. (Farsi)
• 3 Iron - (Korean)
• Turtles Can Fly - this one has come up every year for like 3 years, so I should probably go and see it. (Kurdish)
• Khadak - (Mongolian)
• The Legend of the Black Scorpian - an adaptation of Hamlet, apparently. (Mandarin)
  
• After the Wedding - (Danish, Swedish, Hindi, English)
• The Painted Veil - (Mandarin, English, French)
• Kundun - directed by Scorsese, about the Dali Llama - cool. I wonder if Brad Pitt will be in it. (English, Tibetan, Mandarin)
• Bella - I remember seeing this one in the paper when it was at the Broadway, but I didn't see it. (English, Spanish)
• The Orphanage - Okay, all I can say is that when I saw this was playing at IC I went, "Really?" But it's playing during the week of Halloween, a time when I do like to be scared. So there you go. (Spanish)
  
• Bamako - (French, Bambara)
• Infernal Affairs - the original movie of what became The Departed. (Cantonese, English)
  
• L'enfant - (French)
• Goodbye Lenin! - This sounds great to me. A lady goes into a coma, and while she's out, the Berlin wall goes down. Her son keeps up the illusion that the DDR is still alive and well. (German)
  
• Buena Vista Social Club - I've had this soundtrack FOREVER, but I've never seen the movie. I think it's time. (Spanish, English)
  
• The Golden Door - (Italian, English)
• The Visitor - another I wanted to see at the Broadway and didn't. (English)
• Persepolis - French, English, German, Persian
• The Joy Luck Club - Miri? You want in on this one? (English, Mandarin, Cantonese)

I'm so excited.

I decided that since I'm basically in love with this band, I would post a couple of videos so that you can love them too.


This is an official music video.


This one isn't, but it presents a pretty interesting interpretation of the song.

Also, I think some of you have already discovered the amazingness that is my friend David Grover's blog, but in case you haven't, please read this post. It's lovely.

Third and lastly, I added a dumb widget to my blog called Followers (under John Cusack), mostly out of curiosity at how many of you really want the t-shirt or whatever it was we were giving away for regulars. It might be lame and short-lived, but if you care to be one of my readers, please add yourself, and we'll see how it works.

So I put up a new blog template, and I have to say, as much as I cringe at the name "Cutest Blogs on the Block," this was the best way to get rid of the boringness of blogger's templates without giving up my pictures and quotes and such. I still think I like the template on my London blog better... but it was harder. So here we are, and you'll probably see some experimenting for the next few days. The end.

Update: So I checked out Leelou blogs at the suggestion of Lindsey and Makayla, and I ended up with this one instead. It was a bit more of a pain than the other, mostly because I have a million widgets and am not willing to part with them, so I won't be changing this one for awhile. If you liked the other one better, don't tell me. :) I did modify my sidebar pics and quotes a little - but mostly that means I added more quotes and took down the friend pics with the view of putting up more at a later date. I do want to know if the new one is readable though, so if you are struggling with any of the colors, let me know. And tell me how cute it is. Hahaha.

For kicks and giggles, a CD-sized playlist that I just made/like:

• "Station Approach" - Elbow
• "Today's the Day" - Aimee Mann
• "Apartment Story" - The National
• "So Long Sweet Misery" - Brett Dennen
• "Chase This Light" - Jimmy Eat World
• "Cheaper Than Therapy" - Rogue Wave
• "Love Isn't Made" - Jon "Christan Rocker" Foreman
• "Misread" - Kings of Convenience
• "Be OK" - Ingrid Michaelson
• "Faith on the Table" - Martin Sexton
• "Benson Hedges" - fun.
• "Plastic Jesus" - The Flaming Lips (song Paul Newman sings in Cool Hand Luke.)
  
• "I'll Believe in Anything" - Wolf Parade
• "Index Moon" - Grand Archives
• "A-Punk" - Vampire Weekend
• "Tribulations" - LCD Soundsystem
• "Golden Sand" - Republic Tigers
• "Cape Canaveral" - Conor Oberst
• "Long Division" - Death Cab For Cutie
• "Heavy Hearts" - The Morning Benders
  

This is going to be one of those introspective posts that could either be very insightful or incredibly stupid. This is one of the reasons I'm supplementing it with this ridiculous Edward Monkton cartoon right up front.
Tonight someone at ward prayer was talking about how it's difficult to fully understand the scriptures if you try to look at them from a purely intellectual level; you have to open your heart to really understand.
This hit a chord with me, maybe because Whitney and I had followed up the amazing CES fireside tonight with a discussion of how Elder Holland is both a deconstructionist and a master of parallel structure. We talked about other things as well, but somehow my intellectual life always seems to crop up first, even for really spiritual things like Elder Holland's talk tonight. I think this is fine as long as it doesn't drown out the things that are trying to make an impact in the heart region, but that shouldn't be my first reaction, should it?
This made me think of other aspects of my life where my intellect might take the alpha spot. What percentage of decisions that I make are related to what I really want verses what my logic tells me is right, and what's the right balance for those things? Sometimes I think it's good for my head to be the one who takes charge, because occasionally I fall into the category of "faint of heart," and my head makes me do things that I know I should. On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if I end up doing things I don't really want to do because I feel like I should, logically, do them.
The area where I wonder the most about this is certainly my love life. Do I struggle in that department because I over analyze absolutely everything? Or do I struggle because I'm not calculating enough and try to act too much with my heart? (I think we all know how I feel about the game verses the genuine, but what about the people I decide to like? Sometimes that ends up being fairly logical as well. I don't know if you knew that or not about me, but I sometimes talk myself into liking people because it makes sense to like them. Not always, but sometimes.)
I brought some of this up to Whitney tonight, and she said she thought that she had thought about the same thing before, but thought that she probably reasoned things out and then made the final decision with her heart. I like that idea, at least for the decision making process, and she's probably right - I think I'm the same way. I'm not sure where that leaves me on the other issues though.
I'm not sure I actually said anything just now, but I'm going to post it anyway to let the record show I was thinking about it. I may have posted this Post Secret already, but I'm going to post it again. I really like it.

Things that are great:

• I started my internship, and libraries, while confusing (at least the cataloguing aspect of them), are facinating. I'm excited.
• Miri came to visit me yesterday, and we had a good old time looking at her giant journal, eating tortellini, and watching Dr. Horrible and What Not To Wear. Really, there are very few things that I enjoy more than watching Stacey and Clinton with Miri.
  
• I got to see my London friends on Friday night, and I still like them, even when we aren't in London.
  
• Tonight was the ward "Biesta" (BBQ Fiesta), and it was fun. I think we made a couple of friends with the do you know game, because they were from North Ogden and knew Melissa and Kellie. Nice.
  
• I played Karaoke Revolution at Katie Rencher's birthday party - Jacqui Aquino and I sang "You're the One That I Want" and went platinum.
  
• I started watching Pushing Daisies online, and I like it a lot. The Orem library has it on order, so eventually I'll be able to rent it from them and watch the episodes that aren't online. The library also has Fitzcarraldo, and that crazy version of Macbeth I've been wanting to see - the one with James McAvoy as a sous chef. I'll be renting both or all soon.
  
• This morning, Whitney and I went to see The Lives of Others at international cinema, and it was a seriously fantastic movie. I highly recommend it when you're in the mood for a good movie about the power of art to change people, not to mention the terror behind a Big Brother kind of state security. Watch it. Love it.
• I'm halfway through the book for my new book club, and I like it. It's called The Reluctant Fundamentalist, and the writing is a little strange, but still good. I guess I'll do a followup when I finish it.
  

That's all for now, since I should have been asleep a couple of hours ago. Regional Conference at the Marriott Center tomorrow - good times on those benches.

Favorite moments of the RNC tonight:

• Watching it with Krissie and Aaron. (Witty company + good food = much better experience than just watching the convention alone.)
  
• The Sarah Palin video. "Sarah Palin: Mother, moose hunter, maverick." [dramatic pause with music and pictures.] "Governor, mayor, maverick. [picture of John McCain] The original maverick . . ." etc. Many subsequent mentions of moose hunting follow.
  
• The first part of the tribute to Cindy McCain: [voice of Gary Sinese]: "They called her Cindy Lou . . ." Also the fact that when they met, he was 41 and she was 24, but they both lied about their ages.
  
• Video about John McCain: (talking about his decision to remain a Vietnam POW) "He chose to spend four more years in hell." And later, "After spending five and a half years in their hell, he chose go back and try to fix relations with Vietnam." Don't get me wrong, McCain's experience in Vietnam is incredible and even admirable. But the way that it was said was so dramatic, and it sounded like, "He spent four more years in hell. Then, after spending five years in hell, he went back." hahaha. I mean, that could be a negative campaign ad, eh? Other highlight of the video, again talking about something serious that shouldn't be made fun of: "Most of his fellow soldiers died, but somehow, McCain survived. Perhaps . . . he had something more to do." I'm not trying to make light of this story, but the video was ridiculously dramatic. And funny.
  

I love this stuff (especially the ridiculous stuff). I can't wait for the debates to begin on the 26th!

On a slightly less controversial topic (wow) . . . my internship is all squared away! I can start tomorrow if I can get in touch with the hiring lady, and if I can't, I can start on Tuesday. Hallelujah.

Um, this is awesome. I love CNN. Thanks to my brother Treb for this clip.

Hey friends. I found an article on Drudge Retort about the Palin thing that I really like. It addresses a lot of the things that you and I were talking about in our posts and comments. It's not exactly non-partisan - the writer is most definitely has a pro-Democrat slant, so you McCain supporters, don't get all up in my face when you run into that. But this is pretty much what I've been thinking, and is a more complete version of my response to Makayla's comment. So here we go:
http://www.slate.com/id/2199029/

I need to post again. I apologize in advance for the unwarranted whining, which will probably annoy many people, because it hasn't been that long. Just ignore this. I need to vent.
I hate not having something to do. I hate not having a job or school or something that lends structure to my life.
I spent today filling out some applications and looking over some MLS stuff and washing dishes, and I could feel myself getting increasingly more crazy as the day went on. I don't do well without something specific that I'm supposed to do.
Tomorrow I want to hit up the libraries and see what I can find out about working in them, but I'm not sure I'll get a job in one immediately. I've applied for a few other things - a writing/editing job somewhere in Springville, a tutor job at a place for troubled youth, Borders (couldn't resist). The details on the internship still aren't quite squared away, so there isn't even that yet.
Here's the other thing I hate. I really struggle with the beginning of the year in a new ward. I think that it gets worse with each new year that I have to do it. I'm excited to meet new people, but I hate doing it. My fear of rejection gets worse with each new year (I don't know why, except kind of I do). I think I've boiled it down to this general feeling of not feeling comfortable in any of these new places, and hating how many of those uncomfortable spots there are. At least before, I always felt comfortable in my apartment, but Whitney has been gone a lot during the last few days, so I haven't had that, and while I really like my new roommates, there just isn't that solidarity that came from my old support system. I don't have classes on campus to feel comfortable in. I don't know where my money is going to come from. I don't know exactly what I need to do tomorrow to fix all of these problems, and this not knowing anything is giving me the shakes.
Things that are saving me: seeing old friends (the Ted's place christening really helped last night), texts from old friends, playing with my nephews (twice this weekend), coming up with ridiculous names for Clark to name his son (thought of several today, which Clark did not snatch up), expecting a visit from Miri and a package from Lindsey, and Apple Pie with some potential new friends. Honestly, I just have to say thank goodness for the kid who keeps this Apple Pie (scripture reading) thing going and gave us all hugs at the door. He probably just wants to hug girls, but I need more hugs in my life right now. And more scriptures.

And a job.

Now you see what I posted that song, I hope. I want my life to make more sense. And my lack of sense probably contributed to the nonsensicalness of this blog. Sorry. Here are a couple of comics I love to make up for it.

I love this song, and it really seems to be applying to me at the moment, especially today when I'm not starting school and am still working on the finding a job thing. I've bolded a few relevant lines.

"Pavement Tune" by The Frames

This situation's killing me
It's got me right under the thumb
I don't know where I want to be
This doesn't make no sense at all
You're quoting every single line
I spoke too much but I was old before my time, you told me

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me

This road is crooked cracked and wrong
They got the odds staked nice and high
I don't know how they get along
Me, I just internalize
You can imagine what they'd say
Given the choice if I could fight or walk away, I'm walking

You see I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make more sense to me

So let me take you by the hand
And lead you through this troubled mind
You said yourself we had a plan
To get us all back to the line
We talk about it every day
But we keep forgetting what it was we came to say
Now don't we

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me
My life to make amends
Here's a "video" where you can listen to it on Youtube. It's good stuff.

Alrighty then. Time for the highlights of the last couple of days.

• First, a non highlight. What on earth is John McCain thinking? Does he realize that he is 72 years old and his VP has 20 months of experience in Alaska? What if he gets elected and kicks it? (I have several more complaints and reservations about this, but I'm going to leave it at that. Treb, you are welcome to post a comment about the rest of them.)
• I went to movie night on Thursday, where we watched Dr. Horrible. Have I mentioned how much I love Dr. Horrible? Because it's a lot. Anyway, it was nice to go back to movie night and feel completely comfortable there, especially since the first few weeks in a new place are inevitably awkward.
  
• Whitney and I made a Friday night run to Cedar City to see Othello, which was good once I resigned myself to American accents again. I think Othello is one of the more tragic tragedies, because, in Whitney's words, it's one of the most human. My favorite quote was by Iago: "Men should be as they seem." So ironic coming from him, but such truth. Also, the title of this post comes from Whitney's first Green Show experience. When the performers came out singing, she thought they were singing "Welcome to the freak show," instead of "green show." Hahahahaha.
  
• Yay for BYU football! I very much enjoyed sitting with Matt, Todd, and Jason again (what would football season be without them?) and also enjoyed seeing the Cougars kick some trash (except when they kept fumbling during the 3rd quarter. Seriously.) Additionally, Katie, Emily, Dave Heywood and I had a little London reunion by portal M, which was lovely.
  
• I got to play with Jennie on Saturday night, and we went to Spoon Me, a frozen yogurt place that's actually pretty good (or at least had really cool chairs and played good music.)
  
• I'm pretty excited about my new ward. My bishop is from New York and has a great accent - once he referenced Lost in testimony meeting, I knew he was awesome. He also seems to have a gift for getting people excited about the gospel and about the ward - it was tangible in Sunday school. We have all kinds of activities planned already, so I'm excited to see how it goes down. Ward prayer was, of course, awkward, but afterward we went to participate in an apparently longtime tradition of group scripture reading (the call it "Apple Pie" because it is delicious - I thought it was a little weird too, but it's cool), and I think there are some really solid people here. I think I've landed in a good place.
  
• Ty and his boys came to visit me today, and although I'm hoping my bed doesn't collapse after all of the jumping the boys did on it, it was so nice to have them here. I like them.
• I got most of my decorations up, and my room is fairly organized. I posted a picture of it at the top of this blog so that you could see the handiwork. My one wall looks like a big bulletin board, so that's how I treated it. And just so you know, that big black and white picture of some random man in the right hand corner? Lawrence of Arabia. I've had the poster since the last time I went to England and I finally have somewhere to put it. The nerdiness is just exploding all over this room, and I love it.
  

So there you have it. I'm not much closer to figuring out my life, but I am at least somewhat content in my current living situation. Now I just need a job so that I can continue here.