Going Our Separate Ways

I think I would have a funny twitter feed; however, since I'm morally opposed to new technologies (that's code for "too lazy" and "can't remember my username/password to my twitter account because I had to set one up for my 'technology in the classroom' class." Plus I don't actually know how to tweet) I am just going to pretend I have a twitter account and make a list on my blog. As of late I also cannot mentally handle anything bigger than a list.

So here are my student-teacher tweets:

Life makes you a better teacher. Perhaps I have not lived enough. Time to change that.

1st hour someone wants to be an event planner. Made me think of J-Lo. And her booty.

Wednesday: I accidentally fell in love with my students. Especially 5th hour.

Thursday: I died. Cause of death? Student Presentations. Shot in the heart over a thousand times with "likes," "ums," and "yeahs."

Me: "Hey I bought Cliff Bars this week."
Cooperative Teacher: "As your mentor, I have succeeded. My job is done."
(My cooperative teacher believes that the breakfast of champions includes a Cliff Bar and a Paradise Mango Pepsi. Next week I plan on bringing Pepsi to guarantee an excellent recommendation from him to future employers. Hopefully he'll say I'm a champion)

Man I love chapstick.

Welcome Fall Weather.

Thank you Danny Kaye, for reminding me that life could not better be. And making me giggle relentlessly for two hours.

Speaking of giggling. 6th hour practically in tears from crying. Thank you Wall-E.

Recently I feel like I have been running low on things much faster than I usually would. The first and most expensive being gas. Instead of filling up whenever I go home (which was like once a month), I now find myself purchasing a tank of gas a week. I've also been running low on groceries and find myself at the store at least three times a week. To go along with this I think I'm always starving, but I'm fairly certain I'm gaining weight. Lovely. So I've compiled a list of things I am running low on.

Gas

Food

Patience. I feel bad for 6th hour, because by that point I just want to yell at them. Really it's no their fault at all.

Energy. Along with patience I am lacking energy. 5th hour probably suffers the most from this because it's right after lunch. Those kids get a nearly comatose teacher.

Sleep. Even though I have now started going to be earlier and earlier, I am still perpetually tired. I went to bed around 9:15 last night (Saturday night in case you were wondering) and didn't even feel bad about it; although, I might have felt like a little bit of a loser.

Food goes on here twice

Toothpaste. Maybe I'm brushing my teeth more because I am acutely aware of how often I am speaking to people.

Voice. I'm running low on voice cause talking all the time does that. I don't expect it will last through the rest of the week. Talking non-stop is not my favorite thing to do.

Socks. I don't have enough of the little hide-y socks to wear with dress shoes.

Social life. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have much of this to begin with. I am happy that my roommate is content to watch a movie with me while I grade mounds of papers and she does homework. Thanks Brooke, I'm glad we can be friends when I'm actually awake and we're in the same room.

Emotional capacity. I think this is running low because I am being pulled so many different directions within the day. Each student loves when I stop and give them my undivided attention. However, this becomes and impossibility when you times that by 35 students per class, and four classes a day. By the end of the day I feel stretched thin and emotionally this is a hard thing I think.

I think that's all that I thought of to put on this list. Now to complete my lesson plan for tomorrow. Yes I am only one day ahead of my students. Hopefully they don't realize this...

So the first week of actually being in front of my classes went well. On Tuesday I attended a seminar class that will count for two credits this semester. From what I gather it's mostly a support group for student teaching. At the end the teacher shared some sound advice. She told us to write this phrase on our mirror so we could see it daily: "Just keep telling yourself that you will pass student teaching and you will probably get a job. So relax." This sounds great, right? It should be reassuring, however, my scumbag brain decided to follow that statement with this from The Hunger Games: "Embrace the probability of your imminent death, and know in your heart that there's nothing I can do to save you." Thanks Haymitch for turning an inspirational quote into feelings of imminent death.

I will say that even though after my first day I really did feel like I was going to die (mostly because I was just completely physically drained) I have enjoyed my classes. Some of these kids really do just want you to get to know them, and once you do that they will try their hardest to learn from you. So far I think it's great. It really is true though, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

I just finished reading over a hundred ninth grade introductory essays and at the end I couldn't help but think, what was the point? Then I was reading over old blog posts and found this: "... at the end of all those 'ands' and 'buts' there's a piece of hidden treasure where the child tells us something that we never knew about him up to now. And good teachers use that piece of hidden treasure as a key to unlock motivation and to bring the child back into the classroom work..." -Jonathan Kozol.

Yeah, I still want to be a teacher. Even though it took me over five hours to read all of these student's papers, and by the end my eyes were ready to fall out of my head it was worth it. I want these students to become whatever it is they want to become, because I think they really can become whatever they want to become. And really that's all I've thought about so far. That's mostly because I have only observed so far in this class. Tuesday's the day I actually get up in front of them. For an hour. Four different times. Please bless that they don't tear me apart.

So recently my family has gotten really into solitaire. Mostly my parents; they may or may not call dibs on who gets to play on my Mom’s Kindle Fire. Most often my little brother and I will hover over their shoulders and obnoxiously tell them where to place the appropriate card. While doing this obnoxious hovering, I observed my mom start a new game. It gives you the option of “Random Deal” or “Winning Deal” and my mom, flustered, clicked on the winning deal so she could go to bed on a happy note.

I thought about this for a while. I kept thinking that clicking on the Winning Deal was pretty much the same as cheating. Who wants to play a game where they are handed a win? I don’t know why, but this really and truly bugged me for a long time; however, as things usually do in my mind (thank you literary analysis) seemingly small and insignificant instances seem to take on a bigger meaning. And so this bigger meaning blossomed in my head.

We are all given a winning deal in life. Heavenly Father clicked on that first and foremost. In fact, with Heavenly Father there is no “Random Deal” there are only Winning Deals. Now, this might not seem like the case. Even when clicking on a winning deal you still get stuck. Sometimes you get stuck to the point where you think you absolutely couldn’t win with the hand that you were dealt. When it comes to Heavenly Father, though, you are always dealt a winning deal. I think we fail to see that though because we get stuck. All you need is that freaking 6 of Hearts and it would be smooth sailing, right? You’d win and you’d feel great because it was just like bing bang boom. But, instead you have to rearrange a whole bunch of other cards just to get it to work, but it works nonetheless. So the point of my rambling, and my overuse of commas is this: we have been dealt a winning hand. Even if we can’t see it. Even if the game would be so much easier if that 6 of Hearts wasn’t the last card that we pull. Heavenly Father knows what cards we need, and in the end we have a winning hand. I guess that’s comforting, and not at all cheating. Why not play the game if you know you’re going to win?

So I just changed the little blurb about me on here from "twenty-one year old girl" to "twenty-two year old girl." That was weird. I was really looking forward to that, but somehow it was just odd. Everyone has asked me who it feels to be twenty-two, and all I can think is that it's way different than turning twenty-one. Twenty-two seems so much more legit, like there's no turning back: You are getting old! It might be that thought combined with the fact that I am going to student teach in the Fall and graduate college in December, which are both pretty grown up things, right? So twenty-two freaks me out. Or maybe grown-up things freak me out. Needless to say I'm kind of freaked out. Woot for growing up?

I've been thinking for the last couple days that I need to report on the fabulous production that I got to see in Salt Lake. I just couldn't figure out the right way to do it. I could go on about how Elphaba was amazing, the dancing, the set, costumes, and the fact that Glinda stole the show with her airheaded blonde comments; however, as I revisited the music I decided to list a few of the lyrics from different songs that I loved.

You really don't have to do that... I know, that's what makes me so nice.

Wishing only wounds the heart.

And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free!

I believe I have been changed for the better. And because I knew you I have been changed for good.

So it was either quote everything, or only quote a few things so I'm going with the latter and not spoil it for you if you plan on seeing it sometime. It really was a blast to be able to go and see this with my family. Kudos to Lisa for getting us all together! Loved it :)