Finding JOY in the JOURNEY...

Back row: Norman, Clark.
Front row: Vernille ,LaVel (Grandpa Bradshaw), Ray and Collis. (This is not all of them...there were 15 children and Grandpa Braddshaw was the oldest)

My aunt Janet posted this picture on her blog that she got at my Great Uncle Clark's funeral this past weekend. Uncle Clark was my Dad's Fathers youngest Brother and was only 73.  My Dad is turning73 this year. My grandpa (Lavel) died when he was only 70.  I love this picture!!! I haven't seen a picture of my Grandpa for a long time and I was just 11 years old when he passed away but I remember him very well.  I loved him and boy did he love me :P (I was told I was his FAVORITE heehee).  He was a dairy farmer by trade and was a Patriarch in the church when he passed away.  I regret not being able to get my Patriarchal blessing from him before he passed away.  My older siblings did.  I have the best memories of going to Manderfield, Utah for the summers and playing on the farm with my cousins...and having family reunions up at Indian Creek (where this picture was taken) and drinking homemade rootbeer.  I used to tell Lee that one of my dreams was to move back to Beaver/Manderfield and have a farm with lots of animals and raise my kids surrounded by thousands of cousins/family (Cause the B on the mountian in Beaver stands for BRADSHAW!!!).  I miss both of my grandparents...Grandma Bradshaw just passed away a few years ago and lived a long time without her eternal companion...I think like almost 20 years!!!  I lived with her for a few months when I was in the 8th grade and I wish I could go back in time and relish the moments I had with her. I gave her a hard time...being a teenager that thought I knew everything!  She'd always say, "Im just waiting for your Grandpa to come and get me!"  I never understood what she meant until I found the love of my life and I can't imagine having to live that long wihtout my Hubby!  Im in a very nostalgic mood so forgive my rambling!  Just something interesting that I wanted to save in my blog for my kids to read one day!

Bishop Elkington and Brother Johanson got to visit LEE today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They said that as soon as they saw him he asked, "How's Mibi, is she ok?!"  LOL...they replied. "She's doing fine she's worried how YOU are doing!"  They said he looked GREAT and was in good spirits.  He is in Module 1,which is the medical/mental health unit.  He says he likes it there...it's less chaotic and he can just keep to himself. It has been such a crazy week...a few days ago I got wind that he was on "Suicide watch" and I panicked...but then I calmed down and realized that I KNOW that lee would never EVER attempt or threaten suicide but I also know that he has a hard time submitting to authority and could possibly get riled up enough to have to be contained...and I was RIGHT.  I guess he "disagreed" with a Dr's orders and was not submitting to authority...so as a disciplinary action, he was put on suciced watch...which basically means that he is not allowed any phone calls and is in his room 23 hours a day.  I will never understand the prison system and never will.  I just know my husband and I know that if I had 10 minutes on the phone with him I could have calmed him down and had him acting like the sweet little angel that he is! But they have their own ways of handling people...Hopefully the "Watch" will be lifted soon but until then he has his scriptures and is holidng up really well!  The Bishop and Bro. Johanson were able to give him a blessing which I am sure did wonders for him in so many ways and I am so grateful for both of them so much.  I felt like I could BREATHE for the first time in 12 days...and I am definitely going to sleep like a baby tonight!  Lee also said that this has been a humbling experience and hopefully it will teach him a lesson in learning to submit to authority!  I hope and pray that we have visits tomorrow AND they let me see him.  Also we are working on hopefully having the Bishopric go in and see him more than the normal allotted TWO times during his entire term that they are supposed to...it is in the LORDS hands and HE can make all things possible.  I kind of feel like a drama queen...but nothing is worse than not being able to have any type of communication with your husband!!! I felt so helpless...and if it weren't for the Lord's tender merices I would be in big trouble!!! I love you all and thank you for your prayers and comments.  I will keep you posted and hope you ALL have a wonderful weekend!

 Savannah was Super Citizen for hte month of December :)  We are so proud of her...she sturggled a little the first couple of months in class but Mrs. Kitigawa said she has improved SOOOO much!!!
 Savannah LOVES Laie Elementary and is really thriving.
 Daddy couldn't be here But Omma and APPa are a nice consolation prize...they surprised us and both savannah and I were SOOOOOOO happy to see them.  I have the best parents ever :)
 Ausitn was Super Citizen for the month of JANUARY and also has been thriving in Mrs. Cazimero's class!
 Mom had to work during Savannah's super citizen so thankfully she got to come to this one:)
 I wanted ot take a current picture of myslef to send to Lee...I think it turned out cute;)
Ausitn's mom made the CUTEST poster EVER for Austin and he is so proud of it!

It feels like my heart is literally breaking in two:(  I miss my husband so much...but was tolerating our seperation well due to our hour long daily phone calls and regular once a month visits. And actually I got to see hime three times in January and that is a RECORD. But last week Monday I did NOT get a call from him and I PANICKED.  I rushed over to our sweet neighbors and asked Bro. Johanson for a blessing.  I felt such a strong peace and comfort and knew everything would be okay.  I got a call from Lee the next day telling me that he was okay but had gotten into an argument with a medical staff regarding his medication and got thrown in "the hole".  Luckily our dear friend works in "the hole" and let Lee call and tell me that from his office phone.  But being in the "the hole" means NO PHONES CALLS, VISITS OR LETTERS.  He said he would be in there for 5 days. So Friday came and went and STILL NO PHONE CALL.  I made a few calls and found out that he woudl be transferred to general population but that he would not go back to his previous housing unit (the one that let him call as much as he wanted to) but go to a module (where he can only call me every other day for 10 minutes).  Well Saturday came and went with NO VISITS and NO CALLS...Sunday the same...Monday I started panicking again. But I prayed about it and felt peaceful.  I made SOME MORE phone calls and found out that he was transferred to the mental health unit in the prison...which is what I told him to do if they didn't let him go back to Makai (where he was living) because general population is NOT A NICE PLACE TO BE.  So I felt slightly relieved and thought SURELY I'd get a call Monday night...no call and now it is Tuesday night and STILL NO CALL.  You have no idea what kind of will power I am exercising to keep myself from driving down ther and BREAKING IN!!!!!!  Alii (my best friend) and I have a joke when they cancel a lot of visits...that you would see me on the 5 o'clock news "local woman was arrested tonight for driving her large nissan truck through the wired fence of the prison.  Rumor has it that she was trying ot see her husband...she didn't go down easy".  VERY FUNNY...but you have no idea how close I am coming to making that joke a REALITY.  The only thing keeping me from doing so is THE TEMPLE.  The one ray of sunshine in all of this drearyness is that in my searching for information on my husbands whereabouts, I got the Bishop FINALLY approved to go in and see LEE!!!!!!!!  They have scheduled him for Friday at 11am.  Now the prison system is not known for their reliability so I am going to make a few phone calls Thrusday to make sure that all the proper paper work is filled out and that the visit does in fact happen.  And that is the only thing holding me together...knowing that if I don't get a phone call by then, that the Bishop will be able to see him and find out what the HECK is going on.  On a side note, other things occuring in this past week were 1. Savannah and family found a place to live and moved out (which is a good thing but not such a good thing at the same time) and 2. In the process of moving out Savannah's mother dropped a huge pice of mirrored glass on her foot and broke three toes and can't walk or work for the next 4-6 weeks! Kind of stressful...So back to my original question...HOW DO YOU MEND A BROKEN HEART? Well I have tried emotional eating (that ended badly), crying, throwing a tantrum, shopping and keeping insansely busy BUT the only thing that has worked has been relying on the SPIRIT.  Reading my scriptures, praying and attendindg the temple are the only times I truly feel at PEACE.  Now I can't spend every waking moment in the Temple, although if that were an option I'd grab my pillow, blanket and toothbrush and find myself a comfy corner somewhere to set up camp.  But I am learning a lot about relying on the Lord and letting HIM TAKE MY BURDENS.  I guess this is a trial we need to go through and I know that it is in HIS HANDS and that my Honey is being supported and comforted in this time as well.  So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take a minute and say a prayer for us BOTH and I will keep you all posted.