Sunday, February 26
-8:27 pm
You know, for all the bravado I have put up since friday, I'm pretty scared shitless by what wednesday can present me. It's so serious that whenever I just think of WEDNESDAY, my palms broke into a sweat. Then somewhere inside my body, this nervous-y feeling start running all about, wrecking havoc. It's horrible.
Based on past experiences, my major exams results ALWAYS fared worse than my preliminaries. And my prelims last year? Was bad. Haiyo. Finally I've found something I really want to study and is prolly usable as a career, I'm faced with the prospect of giving it all up because I don't have the pre-requisites to enter. The feeling of giving it up before it starts is just all too familiar to me. Even so, it's not something that one gets used to it over time.
Somewhere, I fear/predict something will somehow go wrong but in another part, there is this sense of peace that says, hey, actually things won't be as bad as I thought it will be. Maybe at the moment of truth, I can't accept what's presented to me but after some thoughts, maybe that's the way I'm supposed to go.
Good luck to me and good luck to each and everyone of you!
PS: Heys Shar, are we really going to be roommates if we are going to NTU? Lols.
Friday, February 24
-7:30 pm
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
Extroversion:
You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.
Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.
Agreeableness:
You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.
Neuroticism:
You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue. |
and yeps. it's confirmed.
1st of March 2006. 2pm. Saint Andrew's Junior College.
Saturday, February 18
-9:35 pm
And yups, I've updated my photos again. Actually does anyone knows that I have photo albums up on Yahoo? Haha. I prolly going to burn them all in CDs so that when this computer crashes, whenever that will be, I've still my photos.. =] This is like common sense for all people in this technology age. Bleh.
Had CO outing yesterday. Think I meet CO people more times than any other groups of friends. Haha. Not that it's a bad thing la, just that it makes me realize these other groups are somewhat neglected. Budden, they hardly find time out too. Haiya. Seems like the overseas trip is postponed to Dec! Yays! Haha. Now I can make it liao. Couldn't really figure out why we changed because, well, we didn't really provide one? But roughly it was because NUS/NTU's open house are on that weekend - 11/3 - 12/3 and are you guys really sure you don't wanna attend them NOW to know more about your intended courses? I mean last time we went just to see see la. At least for me la. So to replace the trip, there's a probable chalet on the 18th weekend. It will prolly be at Loyang, depending on whether K can manage to ballot for it. Come to think of it, did we change the dates as well 'cause of the chalet? Hmm. No idea. Haiyo, have you guys even asked your parents?! Haha. I don't need to since it was going to be in March and I couldn't make it..
Great to know some more J1s. Haha. G's a wonderful and friendly girl. Think she has a very lovable character. SY also not bad, just a little quiet, but who isn't when meeting new people. But I guess this is prolly the youngest juniors I'll ever get to know with. Next year's J1s abit too far le ba? Not bad enough I think. I mean some people only know their peers, which is kinda sad if you don't have juniors to look after? I don't know la. Heh.
Had a meeting at church today. Have some troubling thoughts about the attitudes of certain people. Don't know if I'm right to have these nagging feelings about them. Whenever I have objecting views from them, it feels as though I'm wrong to have them. And I will just fall into this delimma on what to do about them. I don't know if it is wrong to have my own point of view or to just submit to their reasoning/line of thoughts. But I know that I shouldn't just listen to what they say because though my values may come from the same source as theirs, we have different interpretations due to different life experiences. God can never want us to become the same in thinking and attitudes can he? Or else, might as well He creates us as robots - we just do what we are programmed to do and there won't be any fallacies in us. Everything will just go as planned.
Isn't that so boring? At least I think so.
Isn't it precisely He loves us that is why He gave us free will? My theological knowledge may not be very powerful, but that is what I am taught. Or at least memory retained that fact for me. Oh blah. I'm preaching again. Hai so sad. I want someone whom I can talk to about this. God help me. *wails*
NTU's courses talk tomorrow at Hotel Intercontinental. Choir or no choir? Haiz.
Tuesday, February 14
-10:59 pm
Happy Valentine's!
Haha. Nothing much for me this day. Again. Wonder if it will EVER be a meaningful one anyway. Lols. Whatever. Got then say, if don't then, never mind lor. I guess.
Met up with YS for dinner. Everywhere was packed with people or rather couples. Even shopping wasn't quite as fun since couples were everywhere and we didn't have the means to do meaningful shopping. Or rather I didn't wanna spend money and she didn't have the money. With all the sales going on, haiz, it's really somewhat of a pity not to grab something huh? The leather bags are going at half price! How often can you get that kind of sale? It's like, wow! But then, so what? I'm such a careless and accident-prone person, think I'll just make it go to the dump sooner than it deserves to. Bleh.
As result shouldn't be out by this week, 'cause the media hasn't released any inkling about it. Haiyo. How come some seemingly reliable sources have become unreliable.. Might as well, let me have enough time to dwell over what I want to study in the university - which may just affect on which one I have to go.. The biggest lure comes from NTU's double degree in Biomedical Sciences and Traditional Chinese Medicine. The course is uber cool man. First time I'm so excited to learn about something, though I think it'll be freaking hard! And I'll need 5 years to complete the entire course. One of the coolest thing - I'll prolly get the chance to go to China to study for a year for TCM. Wahahaha. Talk about living overseas man! But NTU has the biggest setback - distance.
Neh neh.
Which can be easily solved if I can get to board there. But if not, then I don't know whether to choose it not. And, most of the people I know are not choosing NTU for the same reasons.. Distance lor. Haiz. Why is it that everywhere I go, I don't have familiar people surrounding me? =[ Always gotta adapt to the surroundings on my own. Not that it's a tedious matter, just.. unlikeable.
AIYAH FIRST THING FIRST.
Don't even know what my results are like anyways. dots. bleh.
Sunday, February 5
-10:16 pm
Egads I'm sick. Bleh. Wonder where had that flu bug come from.. Not that anyone I know is sick leh.. Must be the lack of rest ba? Been coming home late the past few days and then late night showers.. Shucks. Just hope I don't need to apply for MC or anything. Or else work will pile up because there is no one to handle the jobs other than me. Haiyo. So sian lor.
And it's like still so early to sleep after that 3 hours nap in the afternoon..
Irritable throat, runny nose and a heavy head. What a perfect combination. ¬.¬
Saturday, February 4
-11:58 pm
Yay, blogging again. Haha. Just feel like putting words down for no one to see. Whole bunch of thoughts whirling around, felt like if I don't do anything about it, I'll prolly go mad thinking about them.
No CO orientation today. A bit sadded la. No chance to play liao or rather exercise for even just a little while haha. Well, at least we got a chance to interact with the J1s. But I wonder how well can I get to know them, afterall, well, chances of me going back frequently are quite slim. A pity huh. Oh well, haha, not like Mervyn that batch knew MY batch very well too. LOLs. At least they know this senior is around, unlike P who hasn't showed up at all! Haha. Busy working..
Caught Fearless yesterday. Halfway through the show, [because there was some elements of romance innit], I had this thought of quiet love. That kind of love whereby you don't show everything out. It's so vastly different from the public display of affections of today, and yet I feel, holds to so much more depth. Actions are like so redundent when sometimes so much can be conveyed all by a look, a gentle touch, and a simple smile. It lacks passion, some may say. But I feel it's just a matter of perception - a different kind of passion that is all.
Love is not a big fanfare, as portrayed by Hollywood - all the kisses and rolling in the hay, I think. Maybe 'cause I'm surrounded by people who choose to play down on their actions so got influenced ba. I never did like PDAs anyways. And that's why I always smile at elderly couple who still hold hands where ever they go, though behind their backs lest they think I'm laughing at them. It's so sweet. Like some kind of testimonal to their long and weathered relationship. Think the world needs more kind of this people, it just gives the day a nice fullstop. Haha.
Not that I disapprove of the idea of love now, because you have gotta show love right? Or else how people know? The giving of things and such. But I just feel that it's a pity that no one seems to appreciate this other form of display of love. Of course I long for a passionate love relationship with that special someone, just like every other girl, but I also wonder how does it feel like to have that special connection with him as well? I see couples now, well, I guess not everyone is fortunate to get the person who they think is their soulmate. Ain't easy to find that someone. Prolly that is the 'soulmate' everyone craves to have. Ah, like Ziwei and Er Kang in Huan Zhu Ge Ge. Haha. The two couples portrayed the very two basic type of love ba.
Feels like I've got this idealistic view on love. Haha. Have got a feeling that many who are younger than me will laugh their asses off when they read about this. Haha. But isn't it just sad to be so cynical of it? I think love can give great strength to someone. Yet love also turns into hate most easily. But you know, the cruelest thing in a relationship? Indifference. You just simply don't give a damn. At least when you hate, you still notice the person. Hmm..
Ah, one thought down and many more to go. But some are simply un-bloggable. Haha. Just wondering what I'm going to do about it. Now, instead of looking forward to university life, ie the prospect of finding my perfect boyfriend, I'm feeling reluctance to step into this new chapter of my life. I wonder if I can truly put this matter down. Feels like the whole world knows about it now. Sians.
Ah well. Sleep it shall be.
Thursday, February 2
-11:07 pm
Once a blemish, always a blemish.
Guess no matter how much time pass, some stuff just gets uglier and uglier. Once you notice something, I guess it's pretty hard to not notice it again. I don't know. Couldn't take it how some people can pass some remarks so off-handedly when really, they are the ones who epitomise their very remarks. Ah whatever, I'm pretty sure people got pissed by my ever shooting mouth. Karma indeed.
Reached early at Orchard, 'cause I didn't know how much time I'll need to get there from Aljunied. Turned out it only took half an hour, by train at least. Maybe I should find a way by bus. At least I can kill some time, in case people are late. As always. Meeting time was what? 6.30pm. In the end what time did everyone meet? 8.15. And I reached the MRT station at? 6.15pm. Thank goodness C was around to wait with me for them, or else.. I don't know what I'll do actually, because I'll just naturally push all the blame to one person. I'm really trying, trying to be less caustic le. Guess it's not enough. =p I don't know, maybe 'cause I just realized that hey, we are on different frequencies. It's just that I've always attuned to hers and she hardly switch over to mine, and thus it just gets irritating. [gawd, I studied those SAT vocabulary for nothing.]
Actually it should be for everyone, or why else are we working our butts off for. But at least I'm not lamenting on having a salary that's less than $1000 a month. It's considered underpaid I know, given the type of work I'm and will be handling, but well, the company's small; I'm just a temp without experience; nothing much to complain can I? Besides I've been given a lot of freebies. And a big red packet by my boss. How many of you guys actually got one from YOUR own boss? Besides, I've nothing much to spend on. Prolly can save alot. Then I guess I can be finance independent. Maybe I'll get myself a full manicure, pedicure and the works some time later, but just this once I guess. See how la. Haha. Anyway, after dinner which was also after a long deliberation, we separated for a movie and neoprints - taken without knowledge of the foremost mentioned group. Wahaha.
Speaking of the SATs, it was damn gruelling sitting through the almost 4 hours long paper. Nuts. Yes, it was coupled with breaks, but just the idea of going through 10 sections - processing the question, thinking of the answers and answering them in 25mins, whew, it's whole new experience from the rigidity of Singapore exams. And add on the fact that you have to use the left brain and right brain interchangeably. Man. Hope the results will turn out well.. Just wondering when will they release it.
LL mentioned that we can check the Cambridge webbie for the results of our A levels examination. Not individual one definitely, I doubt they are so free to publish over 20000 [plus international students] on the website and risk the web from being overloaded by overeager students, or even hackers. Haha.
Hmm, Chinese New Year was as per normal this year. Went to church for service, collected ang pows - highlight of the day, then went over to my grandma's place for lunch. Played with my cousins. Haha. They were so cute. =D Went back home to rest then headed down there again for dinner. Think my mom wasn't too happy about us making such moves ba 'cause like no respect like that. hmm.. Guess I shouldn't do tha next year. Caught up with the cousins and elders, played BJ. Haha. As usual, did never win much. Anyway, it's certainly a novelty playing mahjong with family members. Weird. Haha.
Ah shucks. Back to work tomrrow.
Sleep deprived..
