lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Tuesday, July 25
-10:53 am
Will be away for camp for the next few days.
Kakashi is still the best. Too bad he's nearing 30 in the series. But he doesn't look old, so it's okay. Haha.
I should learn to keep both eyes closed. And both hands into the laundry.
Thursday, July 20
-10:38 pm
Everyone seems so sad this month.
Bad month.
Let's do pray for each other.
Tuesday, July 18
-12:11 am
Exchanged views with P today.
Seemed that we have several things in accordment. And some that we don't.
Writing this made me remember the conversation that I had with YY on the bus the other day. Yeah, she had a number of such kind of things happening before but they were on a more serious scale than ours. I wonder if we can grow up from all these as they had. Unscathed too.
He pointed out something that wasn't painful obvious but nevertheless
there. Never figured that it will probably be a cause of an ultimate breakdown. Hopefully it will never be but will it?
We have always not be close. Never had been, not now but will be? Not unless we find something in common. The guys had their DOTA sessions, games, soccer matches, what have you to bond. We? Has anything ever brought us together? We don't talk much about each other 'cause that will be too sensitive. Now I wonder, have that make us too apathetic or even mistrustful of each other? Seriously speaking, what do we have in common, other than church. It's almost like a mere amalgamation of us. Of course I count you people as one of the closest and oldest friends I ever have. But do we really know each other? Maybe I'm being too sensitive but "not been close" was presented to me starkly after that conversation.
Should we do something about it? Yes we have strong support for each other, but do we care what's happening to each other? Or is this just how female friendship works? Perhaps the workings of a male friendship cannot be applied to that of a female one. I figure male to male friendships are straightforward. No harm, no foul. Fight today, best friends tomorrow. Females.. are intrinsically different of that than their counterparts. Emotionally and sensitivity. Such characteristics add lotsa more weight to the workings. Certain level of finesse is required, at which we are learning everyday. Maybe we don't need to be like them but I'd agreed more will need to be done before if we have to cross that barrier.
I don't deny I'm having coloured opinions but never did I thought I was projecting them consciously. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. And I'm sorry that had happened to you.
Sunday, July 16
-11:27 pm
Faith vs Realism/Cynicism.
Which will you choose.
Sometimes it feel so hard just trying to face the world. This is the price for wanting to be knowlegable. Always hating to feel stupid and ignorant, it became second nature to me know everything possible. So I guess this is how Curiosity kills the cat. Sometimes things get so confusing that it's hard to make a stand. I don't know if this is a result of not having quiet time, to reaffrim my faith everyday, to experience the wonders of the Lord. To some extent, I believe it is so. Remembering a sharing not too long time ago - the ways of the world should not be bought into church and that not to be burdened by them.
In some ways, I don't think it's the lack of faith in my faith but rather, it's the way people are.. we are so into making ourselves blase about everything that it has become some form of a weird culture. And then it's like it's wrong to be naive. I don't know about you, but I think that we, or at least I am, are hardening ourselves to alot of things. To me, I can just plainly see what are the differences between them and me at yesterday's session. I can't just help thinking "are you sure you are/will be like that?" This doubt in the nature of human beings. This eroded trust. Makes me feel ugly.
Then now when I look back at it, it's tiring to be this way. I feel as though, nothing is able to give me full satisfaction or happiness. Everything just look dull. What's happening? I want things to be light and colourful. I want things to be as wacky as Jack Sparrow's world, without all the swashbuckling, thank you very much.
Perhaps rotting at home is eating away some energy source of mine.
To think I'm telling someone to always look on the bright side. I do mostly. But this is just one of the few times when I'm a little tired of looking over the failures (or sins in my terms) of Man.
Anyone who says I don't have any problems ought to be shot.
Tuesday, July 11
-10:51 am
Heys!
Hmm, had a somewhat eventful weekend. Comparatively.
Shopped for H's present last thursday. Met up with LL and WL. Had the intention to walk from far east to PS. So shopped we did. We were actually looking for jewelry 'cause it was the easiest to get for her. Clothes and bags really depends on the person's preference. I'd rather buy something she likes than something that she would appreciate but not like. I would have thought it was a waste of money.. A couple trinkets caught our eyes, but in the end we ended with that somewhat doll from taka. Haha. It was a creative kind of present, something unusual. Then after we had gotten that, we went shopping for my new shoes! I bought wedges from URS. It was something similar from what I had, which was I wanted la. 'cause I didn't want anything fanciful, just something which I can wear to church without being loud I guess. Thankfully they didn't had the flats in my size or else I would have bombed my card. Haha. But poor WL, who did nothing but read his book outside the stores while LL and I shopped. Oh well, he had time to spend what. Lols.
Celebrated PL's and H's birthdays on friday. Went to Swenson's. Hehs, we had free ice-cream, courtesy of the birthday girls. So, the few of us met up. Had dinner and just basically updated on each other. Almost went for singing but nope, cause we spent too much time decorating the neoprints. And the shopkeepers had to kindly chase us off. There was a time that this happened too. Hmm. Anyways, because C came later, he had to write birthday messages for both PL and H. He was sitting at this red-clothed table writing la, and it was almost like an artiste signing autographs. Haha. Bet he had some fun doing that, or perhaps just imaginating it. And then, we set up time to meet again. With so many of us, scheduling for a gathering can be quite hard huh. But because of that, I've gotta miss S's performance. >.< Sorrys!
Then we went to WL's house on saturday to celebrate his sister's one year old party. Got to know his friend. Friendly guy. Played piggy, ate and slack. Haha. Played with his sister some. She's quite a cutie. =] Had dinner at this fishball noodle place which the rest claimed it was good. It was not bad, 'cause they gave a lot of fishballs. Bouncy and big. Haha. But I thought the noodles were a little dry maybe because there wasn't any ketchup. Bleh. Headed down for churh and was dropped a bomb. I'm supposed to sing solo for sunday's worship! ACKS! The song was so under my skin that I couldn't sleep well..
So sunday came and.. It went alright I guess. My nail was biting into my skin so hard that till today, it still hurt a little whenever I press on it. I was nervous la. So obvious la. My heart was like beating so loudly during the prelude. Gosh, it was a rather frightening experience. Thankfully, I had to go down for children worship so I didn't had to stay in the chapel. Heh. CW was not bad lor, quite fun. Kids are always cute, though I don't really like how they seem to be turning blase at a young age. It just is wrong to me I feel.
"Cynism is the new enlightenment." How true is that.
How do you lift someone from an inferiority complex? Please help me because I'm running out of things to help. Haiz.
Tuesday, July 4
-11:17 pm
Seigaku has finally moved past Hyotei!
Finally.
Now I can begin reading Tennis no Ohjisama again without watching the same matches all over again, though I know there were some differences in the line-up. And Bleach! Yays, Uehara is out for the fight! Woohoo! Mangas are getting more and more exciting. Too bad Furuba is ending soon and that calls for another series to be taken up. Hai, but no money now. Very sian. Should I take up a part time job? Hmmm, it's kinda weird getting money from my mother now. It just feels wrong. It's just that I feel that I should be working for it now. Would have taken up that tuition job if I aren't going to stay in hostel. Damn NTU, why do you have to be in such a secluded corner of this already tiny island?
Oh, if you have got time, watch Nobuta Wo Produce. I've already heard much of it when it first came out in Japan on D-addicts. It's really as hilarious as people have credited it to be. Man, you have got to love Akira. =] He's cute. Hahahaha. Nobuta is weirdly sweet. And well, even popular Shuji-kun has his problems. Ahh, the mysteries of high schools. Wonder why Singapore high schools ie the JCs don't have such interesting school lives. Must be we are too caught with the A levels. Hai, so sad. But even so, can we somehow still categorize the various groups? I guess still can ba. I guess everywhere in the world, teenage cliques are always the same. We have the jocks, the nerds, the populars, the outcasts and the everyday crowd.
Hmm, but I'm almost finished with Nobuta wo Produce. Any nice shows to recommend? Youtube's like my best friend till the beginning of school and speaking of that, I somehow can't bring up the enthusiasm for it. It's like everything is new all over again. You have yet to finish with the newness of JC and off you go for another four years of strangeness (for now). It seemed as though I've yet to finish catching up with all my friends for the hols and I've to make myself comfortable with another group. I wonder how is it going to be like for these next four years. Sometimes I really hate social obligations but yet I know, I can't live without them. Crave them even sometimes. What contradiction. Ooh well.
I need to go shopping for Hester's present and shun bian buy a couple of pairs of shoes for the new academic year. My trusty black wedges are falling apart. The straps at least. And to adjust the length of my jeans. Hmmm. Waste money again. My only consolations of the month: Both Pirates are coming out onto the screens this month and I can finally, proudly say I'm FIVE FEET TALL. So there.
