While browsing my favorite website...Pinterest...I ran across this blog with a 31 day challenge to pray for your husband everyday. So I took on the challenge in February and I prayed daily for Mo throughout the month. I printed the prayers on cards and at the end of each day I gave Mo the card so he could read what I had been praying that day. I enjoyed it but I think I really had my hopes up that it was going to be this *all amazing thing*...and it wasn't. I'm not putting the challenge down nor would I not recommend it, but I think I found something even better. :) Two weeks ago I wrote down about 5 or 6 specific things I wanted to pray for over Mo, and I set my own challenge! I set a two week fast for myself - fasting candy (I love candy, I mean looove) and I've been praying daily for these things specific items. I decided to keep this challenge between just me & the Lord so Mo has no clue. The strange thing is that I feel God has been changing me over these past two weeks. I see God working these things for Mo too, but I have really felt God working on me.
So I want to present this challenge - write down some specific things to pray over your spouse about, set a time frame - week, two week - whatever you feel, and pick out something to fast. I have learned so much about fasting with praying, it's amazing how God responses when we fast & pray! If you have never tried it you are missing out on a blessing! Fast something you normally eat daily or something you do (watch TV, check Facebook, etc) everyday. You don't want to fast something that you won't miss, I didn't pick something like cake because I'm not a cake fan (icing...totally different story). Pick something you really will feel the pain from. I know that sounds terrible BUT boy when I wanted some candy over the past two weeks guess what came to my mind? Mo, and my prayers for him, and my committment to God to fast & pray. You may think you don't have to fast and that's fine, but I really put that challenge to you just to try it.
Take on the Challenge - but ready...God may want to make some changes in you too! :)
In case you are interested, here's the 31 Day Challenge.
To Outstanding Marriages!
Tiff :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
6 Ways to be a Better Wife!
About a year ago I was asked to speak on marriage at a ladies meeting at our church. In light of sharing about marriage on my blog I felt it would be good to post what I shared that evening. It was directed towards the wife more than the husband, sorry ladies but you can't print this out and tell your husband to read it ;) This is for you - and I promise you if you start applying some of these things to your life and your marriage you will see a change in your husband!
If you have surrendered your life to the Lord, we should be striving to keep God as the top priority of our lifes, but who is supposed to be first in our human relationships as wives? Our husbands. Is your husband in that rightful position in your life? (Is God in His??) It takes an effort to make and keep God first in our lives doesn’t it? Well it takes an effort on our parts to make & keep our husbands our top priorty in our human relationships. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Proverbs 18:22. This verse is special to me because God used this verse during Mo's proposal to me. It says "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" So what kind of wife are you? Are you a good find? Would your husband still say that you are even after years of marriage? If not, what do you need to do or change to be a good find? (God had to remind me of things I need to change and get back to as well)
These are some things I have learned and try to incorporate as a wife:
Be a Praying Wife
Pray for your husband, your family, your marriage every single day. I said it takes an effort on our part - every day. Pray specifically! Did you know that James Dobson fasts and prays every Tuesday for his children? I wonder how different even our churches & children would be if all Christian fathers/mothers did that! I have in my Bible a list of things I pray over Mo; make a list of things you can pray for your husband about - few suggestions are to pray for him spiritually, to be a loving husband and spiritual leader, pray for his job, etc. If you’re not sure, ask him what you can pray about for him on a daily or weekly basis.
As a little insert while on this topic of prayer, one of my close friends has a rebellious and possibly unsaved husband. She gave this word of encouragement to pass on to those in similar situations:
There is a time where you come to a realization that there is nothing you can do to change your husband or bring him to God. You have to give him over to God. You need to trust in God that he will deal with him. God's timing is perfect. Even though we want to have our husbands saved, and become a leader of our family overnight, we need to be patient and wait upon the Lord. This is where prayer comes in. Prayer is the most important piece of this puzzle. Even though we may not hear from the Lord personally, know that whoever you are praying for…the Lord is speaking to him.
Another thing for me is that I have to pray for the Lord to help me love my husband. There was a time where I felt nothing but disgust and sorrow over the things he's done, said, and even questioned if there is a God. With continuous prayer and trust in the Lord, I know that He is taking care of my husband. He has certainly helped me see the good in him and to love those attributes instead of the negative.
Also, it is important for the wife to set the example for the husband. I believe that the husband will eventually see the Holy Spirit shine in his wife's life and will want that for himself. To me, setting an example for the household is the hardest thing to do. This is where you need to focus on yourself, give yourself over to the Lord, and live for the Lord. Pray, pray, pray, and let the Lord guide you, your actions, and your thoughts.
Be a Preparing Wife
How many of your husband’s would be questioning where you really were today if each of you freshened up your hair and make up before going home?? ;) I know some of us think, “well my husband knows what I look like when I’m really fixed up, and I’m tired”….effort ladies!! I have a full time job and when I leave work for the day the last thing I want to do is freshen up before seeing Mo. I just want to go home and relax but we want to keep our man interested! I’m sure you’ve all heard before - pretend like your dating again. When I was dating Mo he would come by sometimes in the evening and you better believe it I had my makeup and hair fixed up! Your husband will feel so important and this is all a part of putting him as our top priority.
Another thing you can prepare is your home, if you are home before he is or you are a stay at home mom try and prepare the home for your husband’s arrival. Clean up, clean up toys, and make the home a good place for him to come home to. And don't forget to freshen yourself too! :)
Be a Pure Wife
Some more of my favorite verses...Proverbs 31:11-12 says "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." – does your husband safely trust in you? Do you represent a pure woman and wife in your mouth, actions, motives...several women in the Bible got in trouble with that one... Do you make it easy for your husband to safely trust you?
One way to help with this is to set some standards in your marriage. While Mo & I were dating we had standards for our dating relationship and we also had a list of tempting situations to avoid. When we got married we rolled that mind set into our marriage and set some marriage standards. I want to share just a couple in regards to staying pure from our standards. In no way would I say that you need to put these specific ones in your marriage, but I would encourage you to set some kind of standards. TOO many marriages are destroyed due to infidelity and standards keep you away from the line of danger. To name a couple of our standards and boundaries, we do not have personal phone calls or emails with those of the opposite sex. It may seem harmless but if that man wants to be better friends with you rather than your husband, there’s a problem - and vise versa if a woman would rather be friends with your husband. We do not allow anyone of the opposite sex to be in our home when we are by ourselves. I feel you are putting yourself in a dangerous position if you do. These are just a couple of our standards. They may seem crazy, but I feel they are protecting our marriage and our purity. We all still have to live with this flesh and it cannot be trusted.
To read further on purity in your marriage, read Proverbs chapters 4 – 7.
Be a Positive Wife
Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Another one of our standards is not speak bad about each other, even in joking. We never wanted to be like those couples that were constantly picking at each other or making jokes about each other, yes it can be funny but it can be hurtful or reach that level of being hurtful and it can make you bitter or cause you to get negative thoughts in your mind about your spouse. Wouldn’t satan just love that…that’s when he will try and hang the bait in front of your face to make you fall and destroy your marriage.
You will reap what you sow. If you are tearing down your husband with your words you will reap a defeated and probably bitter husband. But if you are having edifying words coming out of your mouth will reap an uplifted, strong husband! Your husband needs to hear that you are proud of him, that he is a great husband, a great friend, a great provider - he needs your support! Beth Moore says that a man’s number one insecurity is the inability to provide for his family. We are the support staff to our husband! Take on that role with all your heart, your husband needs you to encourage and edify him. I wonder how many of you would take a commitment to only say things to your husband this week that are good to the use of edifying. It’s scriptural; we just read it in verse 29. I bet if you do it for one week you will see some changes.
Along the same thread, Mo & I made a commitment when we got married to never use what we call the “D-Word” (divorce). We committed to never threaten or use that word when arguing. You reap what you sow, remember that!
Be a Protective Wife
I'm not talking about being a jealous wife, but be protective of your time with your husband. When it’s time to spend with him avoid your cell phone, text messages, or home phone. Devote time solely to him and for him. In your ministry or life there’s a time to say yes to do things, even church things, and times to say no to keep your husband as your number one human priority, even above church serving. I know this sounds bad and some women may disagree with me, but yes God comes first in our lives and we are to serve Him, but He has called us to a specific place to serve – as wives and to serve our husband. Us serving our husbands IS serving God!
Be a Probing Wife
Again..I'm not talking about probing into your husband’s life (you ladies are bad for thinking such things) :) Probe yourself. Continue to review yourself and check up on yourself. Make sure you continue to grow, there is so much out there on marriage and family – study, grow and learn from other’s experiences and failures and apply new things.
I want to recommend an excellent, life-changing book to add to your night stand - it's called “A Woman After God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George. It is an excellent book, one of my favorites! I was given it as a wedding gift and told it would be a gift for Mo too - and he would tell you that it has been! I have read it and re-read it and even lead a Bible Study on it. If anyone was interested in the study please contact me and I would be more than happy to send you the worksheets.
So how are you going to continue to grow and change as a wife? I know I need to!!! Remember, it takes EFFORT! Work for it ladies!! ;)
Tiff :)
If you have surrendered your life to the Lord, we should be striving to keep God as the top priority of our lifes, but who is supposed to be first in our human relationships as wives? Our husbands. Is your husband in that rightful position in your life? (Is God in His??) It takes an effort to make and keep God first in our lives doesn’t it? Well it takes an effort on our parts to make & keep our husbands our top priorty in our human relationships. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Proverbs 18:22. This verse is special to me because God used this verse during Mo's proposal to me. It says "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" So what kind of wife are you? Are you a good find? Would your husband still say that you are even after years of marriage? If not, what do you need to do or change to be a good find? (God had to remind me of things I need to change and get back to as well)
These are some things I have learned and try to incorporate as a wife:
Be a Praying Wife
Pray for your husband, your family, your marriage every single day. I said it takes an effort on our part - every day. Pray specifically! Did you know that James Dobson fasts and prays every Tuesday for his children? I wonder how different even our churches & children would be if all Christian fathers/mothers did that! I have in my Bible a list of things I pray over Mo; make a list of things you can pray for your husband about - few suggestions are to pray for him spiritually, to be a loving husband and spiritual leader, pray for his job, etc. If you’re not sure, ask him what you can pray about for him on a daily or weekly basis.
As a little insert while on this topic of prayer, one of my close friends has a rebellious and possibly unsaved husband. She gave this word of encouragement to pass on to those in similar situations:
There is a time where you come to a realization that there is nothing you can do to change your husband or bring him to God. You have to give him over to God. You need to trust in God that he will deal with him. God's timing is perfect. Even though we want to have our husbands saved, and become a leader of our family overnight, we need to be patient and wait upon the Lord. This is where prayer comes in. Prayer is the most important piece of this puzzle. Even though we may not hear from the Lord personally, know that whoever you are praying for…the Lord is speaking to him.
Another thing for me is that I have to pray for the Lord to help me love my husband. There was a time where I felt nothing but disgust and sorrow over the things he's done, said, and even questioned if there is a God. With continuous prayer and trust in the Lord, I know that He is taking care of my husband. He has certainly helped me see the good in him and to love those attributes instead of the negative.
Also, it is important for the wife to set the example for the husband. I believe that the husband will eventually see the Holy Spirit shine in his wife's life and will want that for himself. To me, setting an example for the household is the hardest thing to do. This is where you need to focus on yourself, give yourself over to the Lord, and live for the Lord. Pray, pray, pray, and let the Lord guide you, your actions, and your thoughts.
Be a Preparing Wife
How many of your husband’s would be questioning where you really were today if each of you freshened up your hair and make up before going home?? ;) I know some of us think, “well my husband knows what I look like when I’m really fixed up, and I’m tired”….effort ladies!! I have a full time job and when I leave work for the day the last thing I want to do is freshen up before seeing Mo. I just want to go home and relax but we want to keep our man interested! I’m sure you’ve all heard before - pretend like your dating again. When I was dating Mo he would come by sometimes in the evening and you better believe it I had my makeup and hair fixed up! Your husband will feel so important and this is all a part of putting him as our top priority.
Another thing you can prepare is your home, if you are home before he is or you are a stay at home mom try and prepare the home for your husband’s arrival. Clean up, clean up toys, and make the home a good place for him to come home to. And don't forget to freshen yourself too! :)
Be a Pure Wife
Some more of my favorite verses...Proverbs 31:11-12 says "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." – does your husband safely trust in you? Do you represent a pure woman and wife in your mouth, actions, motives...several women in the Bible got in trouble with that one... Do you make it easy for your husband to safely trust you?
One way to help with this is to set some standards in your marriage. While Mo & I were dating we had standards for our dating relationship and we also had a list of tempting situations to avoid. When we got married we rolled that mind set into our marriage and set some marriage standards. I want to share just a couple in regards to staying pure from our standards. In no way would I say that you need to put these specific ones in your marriage, but I would encourage you to set some kind of standards. TOO many marriages are destroyed due to infidelity and standards keep you away from the line of danger. To name a couple of our standards and boundaries, we do not have personal phone calls or emails with those of the opposite sex. It may seem harmless but if that man wants to be better friends with you rather than your husband, there’s a problem - and vise versa if a woman would rather be friends with your husband. We do not allow anyone of the opposite sex to be in our home when we are by ourselves. I feel you are putting yourself in a dangerous position if you do. These are just a couple of our standards. They may seem crazy, but I feel they are protecting our marriage and our purity. We all still have to live with this flesh and it cannot be trusted.
To read further on purity in your marriage, read Proverbs chapters 4 – 7.
Be a Positive Wife
Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Another one of our standards is not speak bad about each other, even in joking. We never wanted to be like those couples that were constantly picking at each other or making jokes about each other, yes it can be funny but it can be hurtful or reach that level of being hurtful and it can make you bitter or cause you to get negative thoughts in your mind about your spouse. Wouldn’t satan just love that…that’s when he will try and hang the bait in front of your face to make you fall and destroy your marriage.
You will reap what you sow. If you are tearing down your husband with your words you will reap a defeated and probably bitter husband. But if you are having edifying words coming out of your mouth will reap an uplifted, strong husband! Your husband needs to hear that you are proud of him, that he is a great husband, a great friend, a great provider - he needs your support! Beth Moore says that a man’s number one insecurity is the inability to provide for his family. We are the support staff to our husband! Take on that role with all your heart, your husband needs you to encourage and edify him. I wonder how many of you would take a commitment to only say things to your husband this week that are good to the use of edifying. It’s scriptural; we just read it in verse 29. I bet if you do it for one week you will see some changes.
Along the same thread, Mo & I made a commitment when we got married to never use what we call the “D-Word” (divorce). We committed to never threaten or use that word when arguing. You reap what you sow, remember that!
Be a Protective Wife
I'm not talking about being a jealous wife, but be protective of your time with your husband. When it’s time to spend with him avoid your cell phone, text messages, or home phone. Devote time solely to him and for him. In your ministry or life there’s a time to say yes to do things, even church things, and times to say no to keep your husband as your number one human priority, even above church serving. I know this sounds bad and some women may disagree with me, but yes God comes first in our lives and we are to serve Him, but He has called us to a specific place to serve – as wives and to serve our husband. Us serving our husbands IS serving God!
Be a Probing Wife
Again..I'm not talking about probing into your husband’s life (you ladies are bad for thinking such things) :) Probe yourself. Continue to review yourself and check up on yourself. Make sure you continue to grow, there is so much out there on marriage and family – study, grow and learn from other’s experiences and failures and apply new things.
I want to recommend an excellent, life-changing book to add to your night stand - it's called “A Woman After God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George. It is an excellent book, one of my favorites! I was given it as a wedding gift and told it would be a gift for Mo too - and he would tell you that it has been! I have read it and re-read it and even lead a Bible Study on it. If anyone was interested in the study please contact me and I would be more than happy to send you the worksheets.
So how are you going to continue to grow and change as a wife? I know I need to!!! Remember, it takes EFFORT! Work for it ladies!! ;)
Simple "Rules for a Happy Marriage" I found online!
Tiff :)
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