Streeback Lane

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long already. I had told myself in the beginning that I wasn't going to get excited until it was closer... like maybe September. I'm funny that way. I have always set myself limits like that. Like I wasn't secretly getting excited? But now here it is Sept 1 and I don't feel any more excited. In fact, I am actually feeling more stressed. Alyssa and I went to Target yesterday and got registered for the Baby Shower, and what I thought was going to be this great fun experience, was actually, quite possibly, one of the most stressful experiences I have ever had. Do you have any idea how much stuff you need for a new baby? Oh My Land A Goshes. I came home and thought of a ton of more stuff and I have been up for an hour now, adding it to the registry on-line. (Note: It's only 5:30am) We have so much to do to get the house ready and I only hope we get most of it done!
So, I should probably mention some of the things that have happened since I was here last. I completed 8 weeks of weekly iron infusions and have been able to maintain healthy levels, to be checked again, one month before my due date. I changed doctors to a female with a major provider in the area and am so glad I did. She has computer access to all of the records of the blood work that I have done and the work done with the hematologist. It's so nice to not have to explain from one doc to the next what the other is doing. I finally stopped being nauseous every minute of the day (somewhere around 18 weeks) and now I just have heartburn all day every day. Ok, not all day - it usually starts around 11 am!
I can't remember if I had previously mentioned the amnio before or not, but that was done at 15 weeks and results were all great and we are having a BOY. Parts were seen and photographed, for all time, at 21 weeks. Then, I will be getting a 3D ultrasound done on 9.14. We have decided to name him Phoenix, middle names are yet to be determined. I think that Archie is especially happy to be getting a brother.
Upcoming events (in addition to the ultrasound), are the tour of the maternity dept at the hospital on 9.20, a Baby Shower at my office on 9.27, and a Baby Shower for everyone else on 10.6.
So, I will try to be more diligent in keeping this updated as events are happening. Until then...    

So, we met with the hematologist on Wed. He didn't want to do the infusion. He said that although the risk was slight, there was a risk to the baby as an individual and that it wasn't worth the risk. Can't argue with that. So, he wants me to start taking liquid iron, twice a day. Apparently it's a higher concentration. I got the prescription, but haven't had a chance to get it filled yet. I'll keep you posted how it works out.
Well, I have to keep this brief because it's the day before Easter and I have a lot of preparations to make for the Easter Bunny to come tomorrow.

So, they finally just called me this morning to set the appt for my iron infusion. I was really getting frustrated and worried. I don't know what could happen to the baby with the low iron, but it can't be good. So, I have to be there tomorrow at 1pm. According to the net, it could be a lengthy procedure. They have to do some tests first to make sure that I don't have an allergic reaction.
I'm not really worried about the procedure itself, but how it might make me feel. Like will it make it sick, or dizzy or what? Taking the pills is hard on my tummy and I even take the slow release ones, so I don't know if it will have the same affect being put into me thru an iv. So, we'll see...

So, how I feel?
Emotionally - I am very guarded. In 1998, I miscarried a little boy, that we named Spencer. He was my fourth child and honestly, I didn't really want to pregnant at that time. And I have been carrying that guilt around with me for these past 14 years and although I didn't expect this baby, I was not going to be not happy about it. But let me tell you, a good friend pointed something out to me the other night. She said, "How many teenagers get pregnant and aren't happy about it and nothing happens to their babies? Our Heavenly Father wouldn't do that." It seems silly, but I hadn't ever thought about it that way. I know that it was always part of His plan, for me to only carry Spencer as long as I did and it wasn't anything that I did. It just takes a kick in the pants to get my thoughts back on track sometimes. So, back to the present. I am guarded because I actually really want to be happy about having this baby, but I am afraid to want something so badly, because it too may not be in His plan for me to raise this child. It is such a devastating loss and I don't want to go through that again. I am also guarded because being pregnant at 37, there are so many things that could happen (health issues with the baby). And I am guarded because I am afraid that I can't do it. What if I can't be that "vessel that gets morphed into a great pregnant mommy"?


Physically - I am sick and tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired!! I know that this may shock some of you, but there was a time in my younger years that I drank alcohol. Shhh, don't tell. And there is this feeling that you get when you just start to feel a little bit off kilter. (I am assuming this has happened to others, is why I am explaining it like this) And you could maybe fall over if gave in, but you're still able to pull yourself together and walk straight even though the room is ever so slightly spinning, or is it just your head spinning? Well, that is pretty much how I feel all day long every day. Oh, and nauseous too. But I am walking (slowly) through the office as though everything is normal. With my happy face on... eating my salads!!


I haven't made a huge public announcement yet, by the way. For a few reasons. One, I don't want to have everyone in my world know, in case something does happen. I had just announced Spencer when I had that miscarriage and everyone hears that your pregnant but somehow, not everyone hears that you miscarried. It is not fun to have tell that story over and over again. Second, there is another woman in my office that has been trying to get pregnant for a long time and finally is. She confided in me that she is pregnant and that she will make her announcement after her first appt with her OB. She is about 2 1/2 weeks further along than me. I don't want to take anything away from her being able to have her moment. She deserves it. So, although I am making this blog, it is, for now, our little secret.   

So where to start. I called my regular doctor and went in for a full physical. Wow, they don't take it easy on you. She gave me all these pamphlets about diet and exercise. (You'd have been proud mom, I know how you like pamphlets) Then, I went to the lab and got my first, of many I'm sure, blood test. Then, I went home and worried and stressed. But it was time to get proactive, so I bought the salads and the vitamins and started eating some meat.
 - So I should probably explain, I don't like salad, or meat, or taking pills. So, these are actually very hard things for me to do. But I'm trying...
Then, a few days ago, I get a call from the doctor with the results of my blood tests. And no surprise, I am anemic. I always have been. When I was pregnant with Archer I was taking 2 iron pills a day to keep from having to have a blood transfusion after delivery. When I'm not pregnant I don't take the iron that I'm sure I should because it makes me sick and remember, I don't like taking pills. Sorry, back to the point. The doc gave me two sets of numbers but didn't really explain exactly what they where only that they had to do with my iron levels. The first one she said, peoples should be between 20-50 and mine is 2.1. The second one should be between 100-150 and mine is 12. I'm thinking that this is not so good. So now in addition the huge vitamins that I am already taking I need to take an iron pill twice a day. Well, being nauseous every morning doesn't help either. I hadn't been eating anything before noon. But now, I have to not only eat, but take a pill that makes me sick every morning. But I'm doing it. She also said that she wanted to order an iron infusion.
Let me back track a sec. When I met with her, I asked her, her opinion about OB's in the area. My last three children where delivered by mid-wives, who have since closed their practice. She suggested a Dr. Douglas Tolley and I have an appointment with him on April 18.
Ok, so my doctor asked me in that same phone conversation if I had made an appt with the doctor that she had referred me to, and I told her that I had. So, she said that she would contact him and ask if I could even have the iron infusion procedure done. She said that she would have her front desk person make the arrangements and that if I didn't hear from her by Monday to call back. This was on Wednesday. Monday, really? She thinks I can just sit around and wait for someone to call me? Sure, that's gonna happen. So, yesterday I called the doctor's office and asked for this front desk person only to find out that she wasn't in. But, I explained my concern and the woman answering the phone kindly looked into my chart. The referral for the infusion was actually sent to the local cancer center. So, of course, I called the cancer center. I again explained my concern and the woman there transferred me. In the end, I had to leave a message. I haven't heard back from them. But I will definitely be calling them back again later today.
So this is where we are for now.

What could be the biggest news that I could have to share with my closest friends and family? Nope, I didn't win the lottery. Nope, I'm not gonna be a grandma yet. Yep, I'm having a baby!! There it is in black and white... 
I am 37 years old and the mother of 5 wonderful, beautiful children (the youngest of which is now 11) and not by any means a picture of health. And not at all prepared for this blessing from above. But if I have ever done anything in my life, I have loved my children with all my heart and I would do anything, within my power, for them. So, here I am - a vessel to be morphed into the best pregnant mommy that I can be. That of course is easier said than done. 

Can you believe I am starting a blog? I don't see how, cuz I can't believe it myself. So, let me tell you why I am starting a blog. It's something that I have been thinking about for some time now. I think that it will be a fun way to keep in touch with my favorite people and be kindof like a fun journal too. So, I hope that you will enjoy this journey with me...