This was originally written on Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tomorrow marks a week since the terrible tragedy in Omaha, NE. Little did I know that after I last posted and then headed out for a day of Christmas shopping, I was about to have a terrifying close call.

At 12:30 pm on December 5th I finished my lunch, then drove to JCPenney and Gordmans for a discount since I'd bought some things there the day before but I'd forgotten to bring my coupons.

Afterward, since I'd been to all of the stores near my house over the past couple of weeks but still needed several Christmas gifts, there was only option in my mind: go to Westroads Mall. I had a gift card for Lady's Footlocker as well as for The Afternoon (both stores only located there) and so I didn't think twice about going to the biggest mall in Omaha, 22 minutes from where I was. I looked at the clock: 1:15 pm. That would make my arrival 1:37 pm, to my usual parking lot right outside Von Maur. No problem, I thought. That gives me a little over three hours of shopping before Joe gets home.

It was a beautiful crisp winter day and I was feeling excellent as I sang along to the Christmas music on the radio.

Suddenly, I noticed Kohls. I frowned, wondering if I should stop there first, since I had only been there very quickly the week before.

Maybe I should take a slower look today.

I was hesitant, as I really wanted to be done at Westroads by the time it got dark at 5. Would I still have enough time if I stopped at Kohls?

Oh, I might as well, that way I'll know I've looked everywhere.

To my dismay, I didn't find anything for anyone! What a waste of time, I thought.

At 1:50 pm I got into my car and continued my drive to the mall. Within minutes news broke in on the radio: a shooting had occured at 1:40 pm. At first I assumed it was a gang-related or drive-by shooting in the "bad" part of Omaha. Had one person been injured or died? My heart went out to the family of the victim. But then the radio hosts started warning people not to go near Westroads mall.

What?!

I slowed my car down. Was the gang-related or drive-by shooting in an ally or parking lot near the mall? That's when I heard the rest: a guy had walked into Von Maur and started shooting everyone at random.

My mouth dropped open, a chill ran down my spine, and my breathing came to an abrupt stop. I immeditately pulled my car over as tears rushed to my eyes. No! This couldn't be real! How could something like this be happening right now in "safe" Omaha, Nebraska?! I sat glued to the radio in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do.

I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones or what--but a powerful irrational fear came over me and I began shaking, feeling as if no matter where I went I was going to be shot. Being in public was not safe. At that time there weren't many details, so nobody knew if the shooter had escaped or how many there were. What if several psychos were all over Omaha shooting innocent people?

I turned my car around and started heading in the opposite direction, finally pulling into our local Christian bookstore's parking lot and calling Joe. Since it was only 2:10 pm, he hadn't heard the news yet. He immediately went to CNN's website and saw that it was their top story on their front page. A co-worker near him took notice of his computer screen and spread the word to the rest of their work area.

I told Joe that I had completely lost my motivation for shopping, and he suggested I go home. We hung up and then I called my mom. She hadn't heard the news yet, either, and we talked for about 15 minutes. Then I went into the Christian bookstore but didn't find anything (I couldn't concentrate) and my stepdad called so I went back to my car. He said that my grandma (his mom) had seen the news (it was already on all of the national networks) and was worried about me. She'd called my home phone but had gotten the answering machine. So I called her and let her know that I was okay, followed by my dad. I arrived home around 3:30 pm and turned on Headline News which I watched for the next couple of hours, as Joe didn't get home until about 6:30 or 7 that night.

Hearing about the people being shot, or those actually in the store during the horrific experience, made me sooooo depressed and I thought I was going to throw up.

Joe was like, "Let's turn off the TV, this isn't good for the baby. How about we make Christmas cookies?"

Isn't he sweet? :-) So that's what we did the rest of the evening, and I did start to feel better. . .but on Thursday I watched more of the coverage on all of our local stations as well as CNN, Headline News, and Fox--and realized I was still unable to handle it.

Like I said before, I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones combined with the fact that the "what ifs" were so real to me (knowing I could have been walking into Von Maur at the exact time of the shooting. . .what if I'd been walking in with the shooter and he'd decided to turn to me first?!)--but this just seemed a bigger deal to me than it normally would have been. I mean, no matter what, this would have been extremely sad and scary, but if I had just been spending the day at home or if it had occured somewhere that I never went, I don't think I would have been quite so personally affected. Instead, I kept feeling enormous panic inside me every time I thought about it.

By then we knew the details: the nineteen-year-old gunman had shot himself and was dead, but unfortunately killed eight others and wounded five. He had been in the foster care system and had a history of mental illness. After being fired from his job at McDonalds and breaking up with his girlfriend, he decided to end his life--but wanted to "go out in style."

I know that it had nothing to do with the mall, but I haven't been able to go shopping since. Just realizing how vulnerable we are when we go out in public, knowing that we are at anyone's disposal--who knows if the person next to us anywhere could snap. I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just go (I still have about 35% of my Christmas shopping left), I can't live my life in fear, but the weather has made it difficult as well, as we had a snow storm last Thursday and then again last night. Schools around our area were all closed.

Maybe tomorrow.

I'm sure each day I'll move on a little more from this experience. The families of the victims have been SO strong and inspiring, I've been telling myself that if they can be so healthy than so can I!!!! But it will definitely be a day that I never forget. I'm sure my baby will hear about it someday; I'll always remember I was 17.5 weeks pregnant at the time.

I am very thankful that I was spared last Wednesday. As awful as it is that eight people lost their lives, I think that a hundred might have been saved. I have since heard of others who either had just left the store or were also on their way there. My friend Melissa read me her daily devotional from that morning, as it eerily matched the events of that day in Omaha. It was about how there are no such things as coincidences, and that you may think a last minute decision is just that--but in fact is your angels protecting you from harm.

Obviously my decision to go to Kohls wasn't a waste of time.

This was origianlly written on Monday, December 3, 2007:

Fortunately, I haven't had cramps aside from the week of Thanksgiving so that is good. I talked to my doctor about it last Thurs. and she said that if I have them now in the second trimester then I must go to the hospital if they haven't gone away after two hours. (I'm supposed to try lying on my side, drinking lots of water, and going to the bathroom to see if that helps. But if not, it's considered an emergency situation. . .yikes!)

My back pain is better but not entirely gone. My doctor prescribed a muscle relaxant for if it gets worse, but there are other things I'll try first, such as stretches and massages. I think the aches are related to my weight gain (in combination with the pelvis separating and the ligaments supporting the uterus stretching) and maybe my body is adjusting now. At first I think it threw off my posture and was weighing me down in front (which put strain on my back). Because since I haven't had a chance to buy a new bra, I can only wear mine for a few hours before I have to take them off! Since I started doing that, my upper back has improved. But I still feel 100 years old when I get up from a sitting or laying position!

Fortunately, my sickness is really over! I'm eating vegetables again and sleeping well. . .except for this morning I woke up at 4:30, so every now & then I'm still getting up early, but at least I don't feel fatigued. I haven't thrown up since the day after we returned from Thanksgiving (making my total while pregnant around 13) but best of all I haven't felt nauseated since November 23rd!

I had my hair cut on Wednesday (for the first time since the day I got pregnant!) and then Joe met me at my doctor's office on Thursday. He hadn't gone with me in October when I'd heard the heartbeat for the first time, so I was excited for him to hear it this time.

At first we had a scare! She put the monitor on my abdomen, only unlike last time when I'd heard the heartbeat immediately, this time there was nothing! It took what seemed like forever as she moved it left, right, up, down, and all over. I was thinking, ohmygosh, it died! I'm glad Joe's here because this is going to be a sad day. But my doctor was still smiling and talking and said, "I'm not concerned because I can hear it moving all around. It's being active today!" Sure enough, she finally found it (positioned really low)--and then it moved again! It was so cute, she had to chase it all over my belly! It's crazy to think it's already doing its own thing and already has its own personality!

Needless to say, the heartbeat was 10 beats higher this time (150 opposed to 140) so either it's more likely to be a girl, or the boy's heartbeat was higher because it was being so active! However, my doctor said it's just an old wive's tale, that in her experience there doesn't seem to be a way to tell if it's a boy or girl based on the heartbeat. But I still think it's a boy. We'll finally find out on December 18th! :-) Lately I've been having dreams that it's a girl (I dream nearly every night that I'm either giving birth, breastfeeding, or just holding my baby). But in my waking life I feel very strongly that it's a boy.
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This was written on Wednesday, December 5, 2007:

I forgot to mention that on Thanskgiving I just threw my leather coat (that I've been wearing the past two years) in our car when we drove to Iowa. Later that day I put it on. . .and realized it wouldn't close! I have now switched to my big heavy winter coat since my leather jacket is obviously way too small :p I'm up 10 pounds now at almost 18 weeks, so I bought my first pair of maternity jeans yesterday, along with maternity black dress pants, a black sweatsuit that says "Baby" on the top in silver letters, and a bra--yeay--finally one that fits again! My hope is that I'll be able to rotate these clothes (with the three shirts I have) and get by without any others, once I start wearing all maternity clothes, probably around Christmas. We'll see! I'm off to the mall for some Christmas shopping now.

This was originally written on Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Okay, so no one could tell five days ago at Thanksgiving, but either it was all the food I ate--or I've popped out now through my clothes!!!! (Although I'm still not in maternity clothes.)

I first realized this when Joe and I were in the car and he got the sweetest look on his face and patted me on the stomach. Normally I would have been like, "Excuse me, Mister!" but his grin was so sincere that when I looked down and saw my stomach sticking out in a round ball, I started laughing! He was like "Wow, you're really pregnant!"

It's true, I have never seen my stomach quite like that in my life! It's different when you're pregnant opposed to when you've just gained fat around the middle. At least in my experience, the latter is usually more, um, rolly polly, haha. But there is a bump on my abdomen that is weird shaped--and hard. Needless to say, I stepped on the scale this morning and I've already gained another two pounds just since my last blog last Wednesday! That makes a total of nine pounds since I became pregnant in August. I looked up online to see how much weight a 17-week pregnant woman has supposed to have gained and it said up to ten pounds. Whew.

Okay before you think I'm superficial or anything, let me explain that if I was reading this while not pregnant, I'd scrunch up my face and say "Why is she talking about weight gain at a time like this?! How selfish!" Of course every time I make a comment that "I feel fat" to anyone, they look at me like I'm insane as they all answer, "You're pregnant!"

I get it. There would be something really wrong if I didn't gain the recommended weight while pregnant. So NO WAY do I want to avoid gaining weight. I've read enough to know how important each pound is to not only the baby, but also the placenta, the uterus, etc. The thought of dieting--i.e. actually purposely putting my baby in jeopardy--brings tears to my eyes, let alone knowing there are some women out there who have a medical problem where their body doesn't gain the weight and then their baby has health problems. NOTHING is more important than the health of my baby right now, and so I'll take the weight gain.

I think my issue is more that I'm scared I'll never lose the weight afterwards--or that I'll just keep gaining a pound a week (what you're supposed to gain in this second trimester) for the rest of my life! This isn't a vanity issue, but rather a control issue.

Being pregnant is like this is not really my body anymore! It's a very helpless feeling. Aside from the nausea (which I'm "thankful" I didn't have for Thanksgiving last Thurs, Fri, or Sat. . .although once I was back home on Sun morn I threw up--SIGH), and the hunger (it's not the same as when you're not pregnant--you can't control it, this is like you're going to be sick or die if you don't eat, and it occurs every couple of hours! Like, over TG, I had no problem eating the big meals and then requesting food again while everyone else was still full from before!), I'm also experiencing major back pain now. I've since read it's because the pelvis is separating and the ligaments around the uterus are stretching. I would have thought it'd be my lower back then, but the burning strains from top to bottom and nothing makes it go away! It's worse when I sit down (however I am not supposed to be on my feet for long hours) as well as when I lay on my side (however I am not supposed to lay on my back anymore)!

Needless to say, I now have a new area of discomfort. Plus, I've been having sinus trouble, which I never had before. I would have freaked out the other day when I blew my nose and it was mostly blood, except that I read nosebleeds are common during this time of pregnancy, and women who are pregnant in the winter experience more sinus trouble than those who are not. Also, my breasts have been hurting which I guess is a good sign because they're growing (yeay Joe, LOL)--up until now they hadn't felt tender or had any changes associated to them in the entire time I've been pregnant, so I thought it'd be just my luck if the one good thing didn't happen for me! But now all of my bras are too small so I'm going to have to go shopping for some new underwear.

In addition, I've had cramps off and on the past week (I plan to discuss this with my doctor at my next appt. this Thurs), a lot of breakouts on my face (I feel like I'm in puberty again), my hair has never looked so bad in its life, and I'm farting, burping, and I've had constipation. (So much for the "best" second trimester.) Oh the joys of pregnancy! :p

I don't want to hurry up my pregnancy or wish it away. I'm really big on "stopping and smelling the roses" in life. I never want to just go through the motions of anything; I'm a passionate person and I want to experience every little detail of everything. Especially since this miraculous adventure is something I really wanted, and not everyone gets the chance to experience.

With that said, this has been the most difficult time in life to do that!!!! I definitely look forward to having my body back by May. I know that there will be new stress and new discomfort with a baby, etc., but I usually do better with external stress compared to internal.

I guess I'll look at this as a test. To prove to myself that I can come out of all of this at the end and not have lost myself. Maybe that will help me afterwards, since I know a lot of women complain of that feeling when becoming a mother. Maybe this is all to prepare me better for that stage, to make "the change" not so much of a shock to my system because it'll seem better than being pregnant when my body was all out of whack!

When I look at it that way, I'm more okay with going through this, since motherhood is a lot longer than pregnancy!!! For example, I recently heard from a girl who is due a month before me and when I asked her how she was feeling (and told her about me) she answered something to the effect of "I can't relate to being sick, I've had absolutely no discomfort or problems, everything has been great." My first reaction was to be kind of mad! I mean, here I am going through all of this while she is noticing no difference between her pre-pregnancy life and now! Wouldn't that be nice and make life easier?! I would love to be able to say "pregnancy is wonderful, I've never felt better, I'm having so much fun!" (As some women do. That reminds me of a message one of my writers group partners sent me. I still crack up when I think about it. She said: I should warn you Andrea - there are people out there who LOVE being pregnant. They love every moment and are sad when the pregnancy ends. They will pat your hand with serene smiles and say, "Don't you just love being pregnant?" That's when you nod politely and puke on their shoes.)

HAHAHAHA!

The more I've thought about it, the more I realized that this may be what works best for me. In life when I haven't been prepared for "major wake-up calls," I suffer a lot more. But when I go into situations transitionally, big events don't really seem like a "wake-up call." I handle them better and am happier and do better in the long run. Just as God obviously knew what He was doing when I didn't get pregnant during the time we were buying our new house and selling our old one (thank you!), I have faith that He's not giving me more than I can handle right now (in fact, maybe it's making things easier for me later)--and so I am doing fine and will continue to do fine after the baby is born!

I tear up while thinking about my little baby going through all of the changes. I love him/her so much!!!!

This was originally written on Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Guess what? I'm still sick!

Since being in the second trimester (which started on November 2nd), I'd noticed a major improvement with fatigue and everything else. But then I woke up on Saturday, November 10th feeling ill and it didn't lessen throughout the day. However, on Sunday & Monday I felt better and so I thought it was just a "one day thing." Instead, I threw up on Tuesday morning and was sick all day, as well as on Wednesday & Thursday, as if nothing had changed from my first trimester. Talk about depressing!!!! Friday I started to feel better and it lasted throughout the weekend and into Monday. Yesterday (Tuesday), however, I was at Wal-Mart and threw up again! AHH.

It was my first time in my entire life for throwing up in public. Fortunately I had made it to my car so I don't think anyone saw me, but it was still embarassing. I had just finished packing my car with groceries and I started gagging. I was like, where in the world did that come from? So I hurriedly sat down and turned on the heat (thinking maybe I was just uncomfortable from the cold--we had a major drop in temp yesterday from 70 degrees to 40; obviously the Midwest winter is here) but I kept gagging. That's when I realized I was going to throw up and I needed to plan how I was going to do it. So I grabbed a sack, emptied it out, and held it the entire way home--as I threw up again at a stop sign.

It was my own fault, though. Remember how I said that I need to have something in my stomach every hour because there is a major connection between a drop in blood sugar and the sickness? Well I admit that since I entered the second trimester I've slacked a bit. Yesterday I was out shopping for 3.5 hrs and didn't bring a snack. The only good thing about this is that all that came up was liquid--but still!

Okay, enough about that. Even though this pregnancy has been difficult and not-so-fun, I am still thankful for this blessing and experience. I'm feeling better today so hopefully I'll be able to enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend.

Joe and I went to four baby stores over the weekend to price furniture and items for our baby's nursery! Of course everything is way expensive, but the style we like tends to be on the lesser side so that's good. At first we had no idea what we wanted but now we have figured out what we like, so we will probably buy a crib, dresser, and changing table next month.

At this stage everything else is too hard to buy since we don't know the gender. I don't know how people who don't find out do it. I was trying to look at bedding, car seats, strollers, etc. and most patterns are gender-specific so it was way too overwhelming for me at this point. (I'm talking hundreds of choices.) I don't mind yellow and green, but I don't want EVERYTHING to be those colors! Plus, a lot of things actually say "girl" or "boy" on them. I can't wait--just three-and-a-half more weeks. :-)

Anyway, did you know that pregnant women aren't supposed to touch Christmas lights? I bought an extra box yesterday while I was at the store, and happened to read the note under "warnings." I'd had no idea, but apparently they contain lead which can cause birth defects. It's illegal in the state of California. It's so shocking all of the harmful things out there that we would never even think of on our own and are probably exposing ourselves to daily. Like, I also miss eating caesar salads--but those are off limits while pregnant, due to caesar dressing being made with a raw egg. (Apparently it's no different than eating cookie dough--crazy!)

I've gained another two pounds, making a total of seven since I've been pregnant. People who don't see me naked (LOL) still can't tell I'm pregnant. I've heard that with your first pregnancy you're the least likely to show because the uterus has never expanded before. My clothes are still tight but wearable; maternity clothes still too big.

Well it's been an hour-and-a-half since I've eaten so you know what that means: I better head to the kitchen so that I don't have a repeat of yesterday!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This was originally written on Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Here is a list of what most pregnant women can expect during the three trimesters.

Your first month:

You may have some "morning sickness" or nausea.

Your second month:

During this month the fetus has arms with tiny hands and fingers. Legs, the beginnings of knees, ankles, and toes are all starting to form. Organs such as the stomach and liver, a simple brain, spine, and central nervous system have also begun to develop. Pits have formed which will become the baby's eyes and ears. You may tire more easily and need to urinate more frequently. You may also, still be experiencing some nausea.

Your third month:

By the end of this trimester, your baby will weigh approximately 1 ounce, and be about 3 inches in length and signs of the baby's sex are beginning to appear. Finger and toe nails are developing. The facial features are becoming well defined, with an obvious chin, nose, and forehead. Eyes are fully formed and eyelids are developing. The baby is now starting to move the hands, legs, and head. At this point you will not feel the baby's movement. You should have gained some weight.

A few symptoms you may experience during the first trimester:
Fatigue
Breast tenderness
Passing water
Morning sickness
Backache

Pregnancy: Second Trimester
Your fourth month:

Your baby, now weighing about 6 ounces, is growing very fast and is about 8 to 10 inches long by the end of this month. The umbilical cord continues to grow and thicken in order to carry enough blood and nourishment. Morning sickness, fatigue, and many other things that might have bothered you during the first 3 months might disappear as your body adapts to the growing baby.

The majority of your weight gain will be during these next three months. The recognized average total gain throughout pregnancy is approximately 30 pounds, although you may gain slightly more or less. Maternity clothes and a maternity bra may now be more comfortable.

You may start to feel the baby's movement now. Don't worry if you can't, but if there is still no movement by the beginning of your fifth month see your doctor.

Your fifth month:

By the end of this month, your baby will weigh about 1 pound and be about 12 inches long. Eyes, eyelids, and ears are now fully developed. A fine hair, known as lanugo covers your baby's body.

Your baby will be able to hear your heart beating. Sounds from outside the uterus will also be audible, although they will be muffled. Your baby will respond to music and speech.

Your sixth month:

You are now carrying a fully formed miniature baby except that the skin is wrinkled and red and there is practically no fat under the skin. The baby still needs to grow, being now only about 14 inches long and weighing only about 1 1/2 pounds. By the end of this trimester, your baby may be sucking his/her thumb and can cry. Subcutaneous fat is building up under his skin, and eyelids have opened, allowing the fetus to develop focus. Brain tissue is also increasing at this time. If your baby has hair on his head, it may be growing as well.

By the end of the fifth month or the beginning of this month, you will have an ultrasound scan also known as a sonogram. This is a test that uses sound waves to draw a picture of your baby inside your uterus. From this test you will be able to see your baby's movement and see his or her heart beating and evaluate the size and development of your baby. Your doctor may also be able to determine your baby's sex at this time.

A few symptoms you may experience during the second trimester:
Swelling of the hands and feet
Backache
Nosebleeds
High blood pressure

Pregnancy: Third Trimester
Your seventh month:

Your baby is now about 15 inches long and weighs about 2 to 2 1/2 pounds. The baby exercises by kicking and stretching, and changing position from side to side. You might even be able to see the movement.

You will continue to put on weight at the rate of around a pound a week until your last month, where your weight gain will be limited to only a pound or two on average. A slight amount of swelling to your feet is normal. You may feel better if you lie down or prop your feet up during the day.

Your eighth month:

Your baby has grown to about 16 inches long and weighs about 4 pounds. Your baby changes position in the uterus and this position is maintained until the baby is born. Continue your daily activities, with rest periods, but stop doing any heavy lifting or work that causes strain.

Your breasts will become significantly larger, as they prepare to produce milk, sometimes becoming rather uncomfortable. A good bra is the key at this time. They may also become tender to touch and feel sore.

By week 32, your baby's face is smooth, and closely resembles that of a newborn. He/she continues to put on fat, and it is becoming a tight fit inside the uterus by now. If your baby were born now, he/she has a good chance of survival.

It might be a good idea to prepare your hospital bag and finish last preparations for your baby's arrival.

Your ninth month:

At 36 weeks your baby is about 19 inches long and weighs about 6 pounds. The baby's weight gain is about 1/2 pound per week. At 40 weeks, the baby is full-term and weighs from 6 to 9 pounds. Your baby settles further down into your pelvis. You may feel more comfortable and your breathing will be easier, although you may need to urinate more frequently. You will be visiting your doctor every week until your baby is born. Your baby is still growing and moving, but now it has less room. You might not feel the kicks and movements as much as you did in the 2nd trimester.

By the end of this trimester, your baby's head will most likely be engaged in the pelvis. His immune system is not yet mature, and he continues to receive antibodies from you through the placenta. His/her body is covered with vernix caseosa, a cheesy substance that protects his/her skin from the amniotic fluid.

During this final stage of your pregnancy, your baby is continuing to grow. About 7 1/2 pounds of your weight should be the baby. Even before your baby is born it will be able to open and close its eyes and might even suck its thumb.

Braxton-Hicks Contractions are a common natural occurrence. Your uterus is simply preparing for the real thing. These contractions are usually very irregular, and do not fall into any set pattern, as do real contractions. If your contractions begin to form a regular pattern of 4 or more an hour, be sure to contact your doctor immediately. You're ready to give birth! :-)

P.S. The website I enjoyed going to the most during each week of my pregnancy (to see REAL pictures of what the baby looked like), was Pregnancy.org

The following was originally written on Saturday, November 3, 2007

This past Thursday (November 1st) I went to the doctor for the fourth time since I've been pregnant. This appt. was for her to feel the size of my abdomen and to hear the heartbeat!!! (I had seen it on the ultrasound at 7 weeks, but this was the first time for hearing it.) It was incredible. It was like when I saw the ultrasound for the first time--so miraculous and amazing. I think I needed another special moment like that after my bad seven weeks with sickness, as well as my cousin's baby's death. [My cousin gave birth to a son four months premature on October 25, 2007; he passed away three days later.]

It was such a love-bonding-connection! I mean, at this stage it is usually hard to "bond" with the baby because, aside from the sickness and five extra pounds, there is really no way of me knowing that I'm pregnant. I can't feel the baby or see it yet, so moments like Thursday are reinforcements that it is indeed real and everything is going well.

I think I always have a degree of skeptisim because whenever I go to the doctor, I'm expecting them to say "We're sorry, you've lost the baby" or "We've made a mistake, you've never been pregnant!" I'm always prepared for them to tell me there is a problem of some sort, but instead it's always encouraging. Like, my doctor said she was very confident I no longer need to worry about miscarriage. She said second trimester losses are extremely rare.

You might remember that I went on progesterone on September 7th since my mom had trouble with her levels, which caused her to have several miscarriages. She took progesterone with me, but stopped at six months pregnant and went into labor at almost seven, so she always wondered if I wouldn't have been early had she continued taking them. The only other person in my family to take them was my cousin who went into even earlier labor.

So, I told my doctor I wanted to stay on them as long as possible (my prescription has run out because they only put women on them for the first trimester). But my doctor said that they are not enough to prevent miscarriage in the second & third trimesters. For women like my mom, they now give them daily injections--but my doctor can't put me on them since I have never had a miscarriage before. Just because my mom had that problem, doesn't mean I will. Unfortunately, you have to lose a baby first before they give you the injections! That made me want to cry because I didn't know if that meant I'd lose this baby if I have that same problem, but then "oh no need to worry, now we know for the next time!"

But she actually promised me I wasn't going to lose this baby based on low progesterone. She said that she was willing to bet anything that my cousin's early labor had nothing to do with her progesterone levels. I can agree with that, as her baby did have a heart condition. But, I was hoping they could still monitor my levels like they did when they tested me at 7 weeks. Unfortunately, there isn't a "number" that it should be at by the second and third trimester. By this point everything should be strong enough to sustain the pregnancy on its own. Second trimester miscarriages are usually caused by uterus or cervical problems, or a dysfunction of the placenta. My doctor says says I've had no indicators of anything causing a second trimester labor.

I trust that she is right and that this baby is going to stay alive & healthy, and will not be born until the third trimester. In order to focus on the "fun" of being pregnant, Joe and I searched the internet trying to guess what gender we are having. :-) We had heard that based on the heartbeat, sometimes you can tell. But guess what? Ours was 140. . .and apparently if it's above 140 it's more likely to be a girl, and under 140 is more likely to be a boy. Right at 140 can go either way! (When a girl's sleeping or a boy is being active.)

I tried some online "tests," but found them to be undeterminable. Here they are:

You're more likely to be carrying a boy if...

• Your baby's heartbeat is lower than 140 beats per minute (I don't know, it was right at 140)

• You're carrying all out front (Can't tell yet)

• You're carrying low (Can't tell yet)

• You're blooming in pregnancy (I'm not exactly sure what this means??)

• You didn't suffer from morning sickness in your first trimester (Definitely no!)

• Your right breast is bigger than your left (Yes, and this is weird because when I wasn't pregnant it was the other way around)

• You look at yourself in the mirror for at least a minute and your pupils dilate (A little)

• You crave salty food or protein, such as cheese and meat (Yes)

• Your feet become cold more quickly than before you were pregnant (I'm not sure)

• You tie your wedding ring to some thread, hang it over your stomach and it moves in circles (Yes. . .but it also did the one for the girl)

• Your skin becomes dry (Some areas)

• You combine your age at the time of conception with the number of the month you conceived and the resulting number is even (Nope, it's odd)

• Your hair has become more full-bodied and shiny during pregnancy (NO! It's never looked so horrible)

• The hair on your legs has been growing faster during pregnancy (It's hard to tell, it's always grown fast, LOL.)

• You are more prone to headaches (Not really)

• Your pillow faces north when you sleep (Nope, south at both houses)

• You're asked to show your hands and you present them palms down (No, but that's just something I've done my entire life)

• You lie on your left side when sleeping (I'm all over the place)

• Your urine is bright yellow (Sometimes, depends on the day)

• You were the more aggressive partner during love-making when you conceived (Haha, I don't remember)

• You eat a clove of garlic and the smell seeps out of your pores (I haven't tried this one)


You're more likely to be having a girl if...

• Your baby's heartbeat is faster than 140 beats per minute (It was right at 140)

• You're carrying all round (Can't tell yet)

• You're carrying high (Can't tell yet)

• You've missed the "blooming" period altogether (I don't understand)

• You suffered morning sickness during your first twelve weeks (Yes!)

• Your left breast is bigger than your right (No)

• You look at yourself in the mirror for at least a minute, but your pupils don't dilate (They did just a little)

• You crave sweet things, such as juice, fruit and sweets (fruit, yes, other sweets, no)

• You tie your wedding ring to some thread, hang it over your stomach and it swings from side to side (It did both)

• Your skin is soft (Some places)

• You are more moody than usual (Possibly, haha)

• You're asked to show your hands and you present them palms up (As I said before, this is what I've done my entire life)

• You were the less aggressive partner during love-making when you conceived (Still can't remember)

• You eat a clove of garlic, but you don't smell of it (I guess I could try this)

• You combine your age at the time of conception with the number of the month you conceived and the resulting number is odd (Yes)

• Your hair has become thinner and dull during pregnancy (Yes)

• You lie on your right side when sleeping (I'm all over the place)

• Your pillow faces south when you sleep (Yes)

• Your urine is dull yellow (Sometimes)

See what I mean? Hard to tell! Although I did answer "yes" for a girl more than a boy. But then I did the most popular test, Chinese Calendar, and that predicted a boy (based on the moon the day I was born and the day I conceived). So who knows!!! (By the way, I would try that yourself just for fun. Go to http://www.thelaboroflove.com/chart/pred.html if you know the exact day you conceived your child, and see if it's accurate. If you haven't had a baby yet, try it for your mom. For example, I asked my mom for her info and it predicted I was a girl, as well as Joe's mom's predicted a boy!)

I am now entering "week 13" and my doctor said she's confident I won't be one of the women who have the sickness all nine months because it has been tapering off. I threw up on Thursday morning but it was weird 'cuz I felt great afterward! Usually on days like that I am miserable all day. But she said it's not something that turns off like a switch, so the fact that I've been feeling better is a sign that it is ending. So I won't have to go on medication--yeay!

I am also starting to regain my energy. I've stopped needing naps and actually woke up at 5 am almost every day this week. By last night it had caught up with me, though. I had a nice dinner with Melissa at Panera Bread; I've decided that's the best place for me to eat right now since I seem to be on an all-carb diet, LOL. No other food has appealed to me for the past month, so I tend to mainly eat just bread, pasta, cereal, etc. Hopefully that will change any day now and I can eat healthy from each food group again. Thankfully, I've read & heard that the first trimester is more important as far as avoiding stress, relaxing, taking vitamins, avoiding the "bad" things, etc. because that is when birth defects occur which is not due to food (as long as you're not eating seafood, cold lunchmeat, caffeine, alcohol--the "don'ts" during pregnancy). This is good news for women who have sickness, because apparently it's extra hard then to eat nutritionally--but the baby isn't really eating a lot of food until the second trimester when the sickness is usually over. Anyway, I was soooo exhausted after just two hours out. Today I got up at 7 am. . .hopefully tomorrow I'll go back to sleeping in at least until 8 am. I want to sleep well while I can!

My doctor said the "surge of energy" usually happens around week 16, and then it starts the "best time" of pregnancy. I can already tell my mood is better. I've been much happier (although that might just be because the nausea is improving)!

Anyway, rather than analyze the above gender tests, Joe and I are going with our gut instinct. My prediction (from the minute I found out I was pregnant) has always been a boy, and Joe feels the same way. We will see. . .!

This was originally written on Thursday, October 25, 2007

Well, folks, today I have felt nausea-free ALL DAY. I'm scared to get my hopes up (yesterday was off and on) but I'd like to think that because this all started on a Thursday (September 13 to be exact) then maybe it has ended on a Thursday as well. I actually did a light, twenty-minute exercise video today. It was only the fourth time I've been able exercise, following the two days I did pilates several weeks ago. It was very nice!

Along with the book excerpt yesterday (which I hope you all enjoyed, hehe), I thought I'd post the facts for those who were clueless like me before I got pregnant :p (A lot of friends have expressed their surprise when hearing about my experience, which is how I felt when this first began for me. Who could blame us? On TV women with morning sickness might throw up once, but then they go on with their normal lives. Movies don't show the day in, day out TRUTH!) So here it is:

*75% of pregnant woman experience morning sickness in some form--although it can range from very mild nausea, fatigue, headaches, or reflux that lasts just a few days, to severe nausea, fatigue, headaches and/or vomiting that remains throughout the entire pregnancy. (Nearly half of these women have a moderate to severe case; I would say I fall on the borderline of severe. I haven't had trouble keeping food down [only two of the 8 or 9 times I threw up occured after a meal; the rest were in the morning before I'd eaten], but the nausea has been worse than any bad flu, requiring me to be bedridden for 21 of the past 42 days. There is a rare form that is past the point of severe, though, which affects 2% of women, called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It requires bedrest for the entire pregnancy and medication, as it actually affects the health of both mother and baby because neither are getting the proper nutrients.)

*It is not harmful to you or your baby, in fact statistics show that women who experience nausea and vomiting generally have healthier pregnancies and babies than women who don't. (This does not include those with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.) The nausea is a result of increased hormones in the body. (Estrogen, Progesterone, and HCG.) The better the placenta and the baby develop, the more hormones are released. By the second trimester, there is not such a surge, and most women's bodies have grown used to the hormones.

*For most women, morning sickness begins around week 6 and ends between weeks 12-16. (Great, this means I could potentially have 3-4 more weeks--NO! My doctor did say I was a candidate for medication, so I am debating about going on it if I am not feeling better within the next week or two because, as you read above, there are some women who have the sickness all nine months. I couldn't bear it! I've tried to let it run its course the natural way, but the medication is supposedly safe.)

*Morning sickness can occur at anytime during the day, and may last just for a brief time or all day.

For me, the only thing I found to help was to have something in my stomach every hour. This doesn't necessarily mean meals--could be just a piece of cheese or a few saltine crackers or an apple, etc. Just one item seems to keep my stomach more settled than when I go a couple of hours or more without eating. This may be because morning sickness is known to be escalated by a drop in blood sugar. So, it is recommended that pregnant women eat crackers immediately before bed and before even getting out of bed.

Get this--my one, single food aversion has been vegetables. For several weeks I felt bad about this because I had no trouble eating pepperoni pizza, fried chicken, or cupcakes--however I couldn't force myself to eat veggies. But every time I so much as said the word "vegetable" I would start gagging. (Seriously--this happened when I was on the phone with my mom.) Well, it turns out it might be a blessing in disguise. Here's a quote from Wikipedia:

"Eating vegetables may be a turn-off for pregnant women. Vegetables produce a small amount of toxins to deter insect infestation and while these toxins are normally harmless to adult humans, they are potentially dangerous to embryos. This may be the body's way of protecting the embryo's health. For example, morning sickness begins at the point when the embryo's organ systems are being laid down and the embryo is most vulnerable to birth-defect inducing chemicals, but is growing slowly and has only a modest need for nutrients. By the 14th-16th week, when morning sickness is typically over, the organ systems of the embryo are mostly complete and the most prominent need is now nutrients."

Fascinating!!! Other women have found these tips helpful:

*Eating five or six small meals per day, rather than three large ones.

*Ginger, in capsules, tea, ginger ale, or ginger snaps

*Vitamin B6

*Lemons, particularly the smelling of freshly cut lemons.

*Accommodating food cravings and aversions.

*Trying the BRATT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce, toast and tea.

*Drinking liquids 30 to 45 minutes after eating solid food.

I tried all of these, as well as wearing wrist bands for people with motion sickness (because they have helped many pregnant women as well), however none of these provided relief for me. :-(

This was originally written on Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The past four weeks have been the sickest weeks of my life. In fact, within a day or two of my last post, I entered the worst week of my pregnancy. I wasn't able to get out of bed at all during weeks 8 & 9. It was so awful, I spent a couple of days in tears, praying to God to please relieve my sickness. I also listened to soothing music and practiced relaxation exercises and positive visualization (imagining the sickness leaving my body). It helped. . .although I wasn't cured. I had some better days after that (I've been able to go to the grocery store once since then but not any more than that because I was constantly worried I was going to throw up w/out making it to the restroom.) However, for every good day, I seem to have many more bad days that follow.

For example, last week I was so sure I was finally done with the sickness. I had four completely nausea-free days in a row (a record for the past six weeks). So, my stepgrandparents came over to see our new house on Saturday, but although it was a fairly relaxing weekend (all we did was visit the model homes in our area, go out to eat, and then play cards before going to bed), I had a terrible night's sleep. I was so uncomfortable with both a headache and severe nausea. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I threw up for the first time in nine days. (I've thrown up eight times over the past six weeks which is miserable, but not as miserable as the 24/7 nausea.) I continued to be nauseated all day, as well as on Monday and Tuesday.

This morning I am feeling better, although still vulnerable. Aside from the sickness, though, my pregnancy is still going well. I had my appointment with the nurse on October 8th and she did a ton of tests, all which came back good. She also gave me an overview of everything and some gifts.

Right now I'm in the not-so-fun stage where you just feel bloated/fat rather than pregnant. All of my clothes are now too tight, but maternity clothes make me look a lot bigger than I am. Still, I knew I needed something for the day (probably soon) when I can't get anything on. So, last Friday, Joe went with me to the mall to buy a few items. I bought two tops that will work for this stage and give me room to grow, as well as one regular shirt & pair of jeans just in a bigger size. Joe joked that I can save money and just wear his jeans rather than buy in the future. He tossed me a pair and told me to try them on. I did, assuming they'd be all big & baggy.

Um, no, they fit. In fact, I tried on all of his jeans and two pairs were snug! My mouth dropped open and I was like, "we wear the same size now?!" I then told him to see how far he could get my new pair of jeans on. Sure enough, they totally fit him. Yeah, with thirty pounds as being the recommended amount for nine months, it's inevitable I'm going to be weighing more than him in no time.

Pregnancy sure is an experience! Don't get me wrong, I'm still excited and appreciative of being able to have this opportunity to have a biological child. . .but I can't say pregnancy is on my top list of life's enjoyable experiences like it is for some women. It hasn't been pleasant even on my best days--aside from the moment I saw the ultrasound. Until now, Joe and I had planned to have our two children so they'd be exactly two years apart. I've decided it'll be more like four years apart because my body is going to need a break (and I haven't even gotten to the labor yet)! I told Joe that I don't care if he's going with me, but after the baby is 9 mos. old I'm taking a vacation to a beach!!!

At least Joe has been wonderful to me during this time. He even called me a "real trooper" yesterday and has been commenting about how strong I am--that is a big deal because Joe isn't easily impressed by people! But he said he could never think I was weak.

Fortunately, everyone says the second trimester is much better. Not only does the nausea usually go away, but you get a surge of energy, and rather than feel depressed you feel super happy. Plus, next month is pretty special as far as that's when women usually feel the baby move/kick, people can see the baby bump, and you can find out the sex! These are the things that keep me going, as well as picturing my little boy/girl and preparing/reading about parenthood.

I'm glad that I'm not alone. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book about her pregnancy called Belly Laughs that could have been written about ME! Even though it contains bad language, I'm closing this blog with my favorite excerpt. . . .

As anyone who has ever endured it knows, the term 'morning sickness' is bullshit. Morning has very little to do with it.

For me, it started in the morning and went straight through the night. The label 'morning' must have been thought up by a man who thought it was all in our heads and hoped that limiting the definition would make us all shut up by noon.

Well, I don't think so, buddy! I say, come on over to my house around 5 pm so I can heave on you.

Some women I know have had this worse than others. Some have puked every fifteen minutes all day long and others just a few times a day.

I consider myself to have had it even harder than the pukers. I was in a constant state of queasiness that would cause me to gag or dry-heave. You know that second before you throw up where your mouth gets really watery and you start to sweat and you do that horrible run to the bathroom hoping to just get it out so you don't have to feel that anymore?

That was me.....ALL DAY. I was stuck in that in-between state where nothing would come out. I would just stare at the toilet sweating and praying to the procelain God not to let me dwell any longer in puke purgatory. I would have sold my soul for one of two options: Either let me puke or let me feel better.

Going to the grocery store was a freakin' nightmare. I was terrified every time I had to go.

Celebrity life isn't all personal assistants and glamour, let me tell you. Oh yes, I do my own shopping. I would walk in pale and sweaty with my little list in my hand and run through the aisles. To me, the meat counter smelled like dead animals that had been left in the sun for a year. I would cringe and hold my sleeve up to my nose as I passed. Everything in that store disguested me. Strangers gawked at me as they saw me gagging in Aisle 3 holding up some cheese.

Its' hard having these symptoms in public when you don't look pregnant. If I were nine months along they would look at me like "oh look, poor little pregnant lady doesn't feel so good." Instead they looked at me as if to say,"Don't bulimics puke AFTER they eat?"

Television food commercials killed me. I loved them for cravings later on, but during this early stage I turned green when I saw someone eat a greasy cheeseburger or some Hamburger Helper.

You'd think with all this aversion to food that I would lose weight during this period.....nope. Instead I gained a lot. Probably because the only thing that I could get down was an entire loaf of white bread every day. As I would later find out from asking around the people who do lose weight during "morning sickness" eventually catch up to us fat pregnant women later. Fair's fair.

So if you succumb to becoming best friends with your toilet, don't fret. Just remember you're not alone. All women are right there with ya holding your hair up, cheering you on. For most of us, it all passes in a few long months. The max is nine months, I promise.

*To read my actual complete posts during my pregnancy, see the 2008 archives for August, September, and October.
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Before I continue copying my pregnancy posts here, I thought I'd share my pregnancy timeline from my journal (I recommend The Pregnancy Journal: A Day-To-Day Guide To A Healthy And Happy Pregnancy)!

August 17-19th, 2007: Conceived L.J.

August 23rd: I believe implantation occured

September 3rd: Took pregnancy test--positive!

September 5th: Had my annual exam; pregnancy was confirmed and hormone tests were taken.

On September 7th (five weeks pregnant): I began progesterone suppositories and felt I started showing (my hips seemed a little wider and my stomach wouldn't suck in). We announced the news to Joe's mom (and sister).

September 8th: Announced the news to my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom. (As well as my brother, Joe's other sister, and my grandparents.)

September 13th (six weeks pregnant): my first signs of morning sickness & fatigue (as well as craving chicken). No throwing up, but I spent most of the day in bed. Still no other pregnancy signs.

September 21st (seven weeks): Went to the doctor's office (appt #2) for my first ultrasound with Joe. Announced to everyone that we were pregnant!

September 25th (eight weeks pregnant): Began throwing up every now & then. Nausea was 24/7 by this point.

I scribled: Sometimes I get headaches and just feel really wiped out, but mainly I can't get comfortable because I'm always on the verge of throwing up. Not fun! I'm rethinking my next pregnancy. I'm going to need to wait a few more years and I'm only doing this one more time!

September 28th (eight weeks pregnant) I scribled: This was by far the worst day as far as all-day sickness. I spent four days this week in bed (so a total of 7 now) and was SO miserable today that between tears I prayed and prayed for this part of my pregnancy to PLEASE end! It's impossible to enjoy being pregnant right now. I have never felt worse in my life.

During this time I was craving cottage cheese.

October 1st: My face has really broken out and turned red & blotchy. It also looks rounder, maybe swollen?

October 8th (nine weeks pregnant): Doctor's appt. #3--Met with the nurse for official pre-natal appointment.

October 12th: Mood-Bad, Energy-Bad, Appetite-Major, Morning Sickness-Major, Cravings-Bad. I can't really write because I'm too sick. I spend the majority of my time in bed, unless I'm throwing up. I had no idea morning sickness could be this awful. I have tried everything but get no relief!

By October 18th I'd gained 4 lbs.

October 21st (11 weeks pregnant): I'm still horribly sick in bed 24/7. :-( My doctor said I'm a candidate for medication but a lot of people say this ends with the first trimester which is just one more week. . . All of my clothes are now tight so I went shopping a few days ago and bought my first maternity clothes. I don't need to wear them yet but at least I have them for when I can't fit into any of my clothes.

November 1st (almost 13 weeks): Doctor's appt. #4. I went by myself and heard the heartbeat for the very first time! It was 140 beats per minute. My doctor felt the size of my abdomen and said everything is going well and that a miscarriage at this point is extremely unlikely. No more need for progesterone.

November 2nd: Had gained 6 lbs. This past week I had a few days of being nausea-free! Even though I had a really bad headache on Halloween and threw up the next morning, I was feeling better than I had in two months.

November 9th (14 weeks): Unfortunately my all-day sickness has continued (my doctor said it doesn't usually turn off with a switch but rather gradually goes away) and I've started experiencing other symptoms such as sinus drainage, backaches, and still the acne. I've noticed my abs separating and can often times feel my stomach stretching. I'm looking forward to May when I can meet my little boy or girl and be able to see what's going on with him/her each day. I'm sure I'll miss my sleep, but I'm already getting a taste of sleep deprivation as I seem to wake up around 5 a.m. every morning--ICK. I don't know if insomnia is another symptom of pregnancy or what. Hopefully I'll return to normal sleep patterns soon!

November 23rd (16 weeks) was the last day I threw up during my pregnancy--and the end to any sickness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd gained 8 lbs.

November 29th: Doctor appt. #5! Joe went with me this time to hear the heartbeat. Our baby was really active--my doctor had to chase it around my belly, haha!

December 5th I'd gained 10 lbs.

On December 7th: People can finally tell I'm pregnant. I'm still not in maternity clothes but I am wearing bigger sizes. I seem to be growing rapidly now. The weight gain is uncomfortable but I know it's necessary. I'm craving cheese spread and meatballs. I'm so glad to finally be done with the all-day sickness and to have energy again! Also, I no longer have acne--my skin and hair have never looked better!

December 14th (19 weeks): Felt my baby kick for the first time!

December 18th: Doctor appt. #6. Our second ultrasound (we found out we were having a BOY)! My due date was moved to May 9th. Mood--Excellent! Energy--Excellent! Appetite--Excellent! Morning Sickness--N/A Cravings--N/A.

December 21st (my birthday) I'd gained 12 lbs. I never thought I'd say this, but I need to buy some "D" bras!!!!

January 1st (New Year's Day 2008) I'd gained 14 lbs.

On January 3rd (almost 22 weeks) Doctor appt. #7. We were told our baby is more active than most! I wasn't surprised--he kicked all of the time, every hour! Joe felt L.J. kick for the first time the previous week. I started to feel exhausted again, and never had a good night's sleep the rest of my pregnancy. I also began having pain in different areas of my body for the rest of my pregnancy.

January 9th I'd gained 16 lbs. That day I scribled: I'm experiencing A LOT of back pain and severe fatigue again.

January 14th I'd gained 18 lbs.

February 1st: Doctor appt. #8. My appt. was mischeduled by the receptionist so it took two hours from when I arrived to when I left! Fortunately Joe came with me which kept me company. L.J.'s heartbeat was between 140-150 beats per minute, as it always has. I'm measuring farther along than May 9th. . .more like May 2nd! We started childbirth classes last night; they end March 9th.

February 3rd I'd gained 22 lbs.

During my 27/28th weeks of pregnancy I was sick with the flu; had gained 24 lbs by February 18th.

February 22nd (29 weeks): Doctor appt. #9. My blood glucose test. Came back perfect. Unfortunately, I had been having menstrual-like cramps for 48 hours and so my doctor did a few tests on me to make sure I wasn't going into pre-term labor. Turns out it was a yeast infection! (Common during pregnancy.) I was given a prescription and in 24 hours it was gone and I was back to normal.

March 7th: Doctor appt. #10. She predicted L.J. will be 7 lbs at birth. I'm really glad that despite this being a difficult pregnancy for me, L.J. has always done really well!

March 8th: I've been feeling wonderful lately, better than at any other time in my pregnancy! (March was indeed my best month, December second, and all the rest tied for last place.) Had gained 26 lbs.

March 17th (32 weeks): Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm pretty sure L.J. turned to head down last night so that is good news. I think that he's facing front, though. Had gained 28 lbs.

March 21st: Was supposed to have a doctor's appt. but I canceled because she was on vacation.

April 2nd (34 weeks): I'd gained 30 lbs. I really hope labor is near. (Once I get to 36 weeks L.J. won't be considered premature and so it's fine for him to come any time.) I experienced a little spotting and I've started having Braxton-Hicks which can be downright painful. I don't feel my stomach can get any bigger--it feels stretched to the max. It's 41 inches (normally I'm a size 6)!

April 4th: Doctor's appt. #11. L.J.'s heartbeat was the lowest it's ever been (130 beats per minute) but apparently that is fine for this stage. She said I am measuring big again--now as if I'm due the end of April! She's going to be on vacation the week of my real due date, so I hope I go into labor before then!

April 9th: Mood--Not good again, Energy--Low again, Appetite--Has decreased a lot because there's no breathing room!

April 13th (36 weeks): I have been depressed this week. I gained 7 lbs in 7 days which now makes me at 40 lbs total gained. I thought I might have high blood pressure because my feet are really swollen and the past few days I haven't been able to feel them and they hurt when I wake up in the morning, but I had it checked and I don't. Clearly I have fluid retention, although I've also been craving ice cream and eating it non-stop because it's the only thing that feels good in my stomach!

April 15th: I had my check-up and my doctor said I am between 3-4 cm dilated!!! She is confident this baby is going to come before my due date. She was concerned about him being big, though, and scheduled an ultrasound which came back with him at 7 lbs (whew--that's average) but w/ some above average amniotic fluid. She also did the strep test which I later found out was negative. The rest of that day I had menstrual-like cramps.

April 16th: I forced myself to go for a long walk just to see if there's any truth to it prompting labor. . .since then I've had more menstrual-like cramps!

April 17th: I think I lost my mucus plug! It happened so fast--I turned around to flush the toilet after going pee and noticed a brown/red clump going down! I wish I could have studied it closer to be sure, haha! No cramps, though, just feeling very fatigued and BLAH. Total weight gain: 42 lbs.

April 18th, 2008 (the day I turned 37 weeks pregnant): My water broke in bed at 1:53 AM! An hour later I arrived to the hospital and my contractions began. I'd chosen to do HypnoBirthing (natural techniques) and within three hours I was fully dilated and began pushing. It took four more hours (due to L.J. being face up), but my son entered the world at 10:30 AM weighing 7 lbs, 13.7 oz, and was 20.5 inches long! My doctor rocked. When do I get to do this again? :-)

This was originally written on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at eight weeks pregnant:
Our ultrasound appointment on Friday went flawlessy!

I met Joe at my doctor's office at 1:30 pm and we were taken to a room with the ultrasound machine. The entire process took only 5-10 minutes. It was super easy and quick. (Although it wasn't the kind that they do during the second and third trimester where they put gel on your abdomen and look that way. . .this was. . .internal.)

I was bummed my doctor wasn't there, nor was my nurse--apparently that's only during the actual prenatal appointment which I thought I was going to have that day, too, but the receptionist misunderstood and only scheduled me for the ultrasound. So I have to go back on October 8th to have my hour long appointment with the nurse.

The ultrasound technician doesn't anticipate a miscarriage for me because usually when that happens there are signs ahead of time. Not only have I not had any spotting (which can be normal, too), the heartbeat was powerful and the spine & organs were a healthy size, everything was in the right place, etc. She put my due date at May 13, 2008 (the day after Mother's Day). Aside from what I wrote in my last blog, that is also good for getting the baby "out and about" when the weather is nice, rather than cooped up all winter.

It was absolutely amazing to see the baby's heartbeat. There are no words to describe how special and miraculous that moment was. I never could have imagined how it would feel before I was pregnant--I'm not sure anything can top it. It was a hugely important piece of time in Joe & my life that we will never forget. We made a human being together!

Until that day, the experience hadn't seemed real. It had been hard to get my mind around the fact that a baby was growing inside of me. That pretty soon my belly will start protuding and then a baby will come out to join Joe & my life! But then I saw it on the monitor--alive and moving! Tears poured down my face. It was for real! This person will be a part of history. A new part of our family tree. All because of Joe & me. Love poured out of me for this tiny little thing that fluttered on the screen. Love already for my little boy or girl.

Joe was so quiet, I couldn't tell what he was thinking--but it definitely hit him that day as well. Until then we both logically knew it was real, but emotionally it hadn't sunk in. Now I can tell he's been bit by the love bug, too :-)

After the appointment, I wanted to celebrate, but I was still feeling like I had been run over by a bus, so it was another lazy Friday night. I had thought I might throw up that morning--and I'd even stood over the toilet for a while because I felt sooooo nauseated--but the feeling passed. The rest of the day I was running on adrenaline after getting to take home a picture of the ultrasound. Joe and I rented Mr. Mom and then I finally crashed.

Saturday was my third day for being in bed all day. I figured I had probably pushed myself too hard on Friday, but I had missed being a part of the land of the living!!! I've continued to take 1-2 hr naps every day which are nice because I am not sick when I'm asleep. (I go to bed between 9-10 every night and usually sleep until 8-9:30 am.) I've tried to go for a few walks with Joe around our new neighborhood in the evenings, but I usually end up feeling worse afterwards, so I get my fresh air by sitting out on the deck about a half an hour each day and do the only reading I can.

I do look forward to when I can get some exercise again, though. Two of the days I did a pilates video, but I (shock) miss being able to do my aerobics videos. However, my body is obviously using all of its energy right now for the baby, so I don't want to force myself to do anything it doesn't want to and jeopardize the baby. I'm following all of the rules of my books, as far as what to eat, what not to eat, what vitamins to take, etc.--and the main words of wisdom: listen to your body. Mine is saying: become a zombie. :p

It helps me to think about how at least I'm getting time to myself to be able to just be in bed all day, even if I'm not exactly lying in a hammock drinking lemonade, because once I have a baby I'll probably wish I could have a day all to myself!

Unfortunately, though, it's not a "rejuvinating" feeling. Like, when you're sick with a virus, you have a day in bed and then you feel better. With this, it's on-going. The next day could be worse than the day before. Despite taking it incredibly easy the past two weeks, I actually feel less rested and more run down than I did two weeks ago. It's worse than any flu I've ever had. It reminds me more of mono, which I had my sophomore year of college. That bedrest lasted two weeks. But I'm afraid this all-day-sickness thing isn't over yet.

Sunday & Monday I was able to actually do the laundry and dishes, and I had some hours where I felt excellent. Those moments are almost euphoric because it occurs after I've been feeling really bad. But then another bad day usually follows--such as what happened on Tuesday. Let's just say I can no longer say that I didn't throw up.

It actually surprised me because I am not a thrower-upper. It's just not something I've done a whole lot in my life; I'm not usually affected that way. But, I woke up with Joe at 6 am and a couple of hours later I was standing over the toilet. I'm now keeping crackers by my bed because if I'm going to throw up again there better be something in my stomach because that freaking hurt! My chest was in so much pain and I even strained my jaw/ear area so that was in pain all day, too!

So I was miserable yesterday--it was my 4th time for being bedridden all day--and it was the worst day so far. I just keep having to picture that little heart beating on the ultrasound last Friday to get me through it. I know it is a good sign that my body is reacting to the changes and growth of the baby (studies show that women with morning sickness generally have healthier babies), but I feel like all I'm doing every day is counting down the days until my second trimester when this will hopefully end. I wish that I could wake up every day and enjoy this time! I pray I will soon.

There are some women who throw up non-stop all day for 9 months and have to be on medication and hospitalized, so at least I'm still keeping food down--although I'm getting sick of crackers because that has taken over my diet.

I never realized that not only is it good to plan when to have a baby, it's good to plan when to be pregnant. You have to be able to afford being sick! At least this isn't a super busy time of the year. I should be better by the holidays and able to participate. Hopefully I can make up for these months during those months. There's so much I want to do to prepare!!!

Today wasn't much better than yesterday. I was in bed all of the day again, but got online mid-afternoon to e-mail. In the middle of a message I had to run to the bathroom to throw up for my second time. So the computer is still out for me. (This is another blog I've been writing with many breaks inbetween.) I'm taking ginger pills, drinking liquids not with meals, and taking my prenatal vitamins with meals (all recommended to help with morning sickness), but I can't tell if they're making a difference or not.

Fortunately, I haven't had a problem with cooking (or smells) since my first day of morning sickness a couple of weeks ago. Nor have I had any more intense cravings, aside from peppers one day (I found a frozen supreme pizza that did the trick). The problem also is no longer my head--I don't know when it officially moved to my stomach but that's 100% where it is now.

Anyway, I'll blog again next chance I get--as in, next time I have some energy and can move around without feeling nauseous. . .:/

I originally wrote this on Thursday, September 20, 2007 at seven weeks pregnant:

I'm PREGNANT!!!!! AHHHHH!!!! I still can't believe it! Each day it sinks in 1% more, but Joe & I are definitely not 100% there yet! Tomorrow we have our first ultrasound, so maybe it will hit me the rest of the way then. If the doctor says all is well then I'll announce the news to everyone tomorrow. :-)

We are so happy and excited! And surprised! We learned the news just five days after moving into our new house--I can't believe how perfect the timing!

We had actually planned to put "trying" on hold from August until January. Our first real try was May, but between Joe's new job, looking for a new house, buying the house, putting our old house up for sale, selling the house, and moving into our new house--we knew the odds were against us. We decided we might as well wait until our lives slowed down.

But then. . .on August 12th I went to a baby shower. :-) I was in total baby mode when I got into my car to leave. I decided I'd make a little stop to the store and buy just one more box of the ovulation predictor kit--and for the first time I didn't tell Joe, he-he! We were busy packing that week and so I kind of forgot about it (I wasn't anywhere near as excited to do it as I'd been the previous months).

I guess some things are just meant to be, because on Friday, August 17th, I had a hair appointment and then went to the grocery store. It seemed that there was a pregnant woman in every aisle--I'm not kidding! I felt like I was on some comedy show or something because everywhere I looked were pregnant women! I wondered if this was some sort of sign, haha. So, I took the test when I got home that day. It was my third time for finding out exactly when I ovulate (because I'm very irregular) and so the other two months I'd gone through two boxes each month. But this time it was positive on my very first test!

I was relieved I wouldn't have to be testing for the rest of the month, but I wouldn't say that I was hopeful of getting pregnant that weekend. Anyone who has tried to get pregnant for a few months knows that the excitement wears off fast. You get tired of getting your hopes up and you start assuming it's never going to happen. Even though I had been checked out by my doctor and assured that everything looked good (I even had surgery two years ago and she'd said I looked healthier inside than most), I was starting to think we'd have to do fertility treatments. We'd even planned on making an appt. for Joe which he was NOT looking forward to, so he's super glad that didn't end up happening (plus we saved $200)!

Yeah, yeah, I know most of you are thinking: OMG-this was your third real try?! Patience, Andrea! But honestly none of us know (until we have children) which group we're going to be in. Since I wasn't getting pregnant on the first try like some people, how could I not wonder if I was in the group that can't get pregnant at all? I had never been able to picture myself pregnant or having a baby and so I wondered if that was because it wasn't meant to be.

So, that weekend wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Joe & I went out to Godfather's Pizza on Friday night. The next day we packed (and Jake & Melissa brought over boxes for us). We also rented the movies Disturbia and Music & Lyrics. On Sunday Jake came over and we worked on touching up the paint on the outside of the house. At some point during the weekend Joe was like, "Wait a second, is this your ovulating time?" Haha, I teased him that I hadn't told him prior to see if it made a difference. . .hmm!

Other than a passing thought, I never believed I had gotten pregnant that week. The only day I considered it was on Thursday, August 23rd. (Now I'm convinced that was the day of implantation, since it occurs 5-10 days after conception.) The day before I had slept for twelve hours (even a lot for me, haha) and felt like I could have kept on sleeping the rest of the day! Melissa & I went out for lunch to Blimpies and I told her "I might be pregnant" because for the past couple of days I hadn't experienced my normal cramps prior to my period.

After lunch, Joe & I had the walk-through of our new house and at one point I started to feel like I was going to faint. Never in my life have I fainted, and so I had the strong sense that something weird (unlike ever before) was going on inside of my body. Joe told me later I kept saying "a-huh" to the guy speaking to us--that's because I had to work really hard to focus on what he was saying!

However, I brushed off all suspicion that evening when I had mild cramps! I thought, yep, I spoke too soon--I'm just having a lucky month (every now and then I will just have mild cramps rather than severe).

So, not for one second did I think again that I was pregnant. In fact, the previous months I'd "taken it easy" after ovulation "just in case." I'd tried to eat healthy, take my vitamins, not drink pop, and get plenty of rest. Joe and I had also analyzed every little sign as a possible pregnancy symptom. This month was the complete opposite! I was so sure I wasn't pregnant that I barely got any sleep over the next two weeks, overworked myself at packing (and unpacking--I even ran constantly with heavy boxes up and down our new steps), replaced meals with junkfood and coke, skipped three days of vitamins, and easily ignored any potential signs.

I guess it goes with that saying, "when you least expect it. . ." Because we couldn't have been more shocked. August was the most hectic month of the entire summer! Even when my period was late, I assumed it was just because of our move. If it hadn't been for the fact that I had my annual exam scheduled for Wednesday, September 5th, I probably wouldn't have even taken a pregnancy test when I did. Once again, it's funny this was the month it happened because the other months Joe & I would get so excited even before my period was scheduled to start that we would take an early pregnancy test. This month you could hardly drag me to do one!

When Monday (Labor Day), September 3rd came, I was just three days late but decided I better know whether I should cancel my doctor's appt. or not. I let the test sit out all day. I went grocery shopping that afternoon while Joe and his friend Nick installed our garage door opener. (And, I was still having cramps. I've since learned those are common during the first couple of months because the uterus isn't used to expanding so rapidly.) I should have picked up on the fact that in every aisle at the grocery store there seemed to be a mother with a baby! I am not exaggerating--never have I felt overwhelemd by pregnant women or babies so the two particular days these incidences happened were freaky!

That evening Joe & I took the dogs on a picnic, and then we ran into our neighbor (Jenn, who I had met on August 29th--the day we moved in--when she brought us to-die-for cookies to welcome us to the neighborhood)! After talking to her a bit we came inside and crashed on the couch. We started watching Dr. 90210 which we don't usually watch, but there was a woman who was going into labor. I told Joe I was glad I wasn't pregnant because it meant I'd get to wait that much longer before I had to experience one of the scariest moments of my life!

Joe asked me if I'd taken the test yet, to which I responded, "No, I know I'm not pregnant." He told me to take it anyway. I sighed and reluctantly went upstairs, assuming I'd be wasting yet another test. Instead, at approximately 9:40 pm, I experienced a life-changing moment which I will never forget!

In all of the months past, Joe & I would stand outside the door for the full two minutes and then look at the test together (but would only see one pink line). This time I was washing my hands and happened to quickly glance over at it, assuming it wouldn't be readable yet. I looked away so fast, unable to believe what I thought I'd seen. I didn't look back. I became stiff as a statue and went downstairs to where Joe was. My voice shook as I yelled, "Joe. . .JOE! You need to get your butt upstairs right now and help me look at this test!"

He gave me a look like, are you implying what I think you're implying?!

By now I was second guessing myself. Maybe I hadn't seen two pink lines. Or maybe I was getting confused and two lines wasn't pregnant. Or (LOL) maybe my body was mistaken--it just thought I was pregnant for some strange reason!

But, sure enough, Joe looked at the test and then raised his eyebrows at me. That was my confirmation. He looked nervous, but proud. :-) We hugged and then I started getting super hyper. I kept saying over and over, "Am I really pregnant?! No way! I can't be pregnant!" I ran all over the house and Joe was like, "You need to rest now, calm down!" Haha. I just couldn't believe it. I've always been one of the non-pregnant people in this world! How could I really ever be a mother?! I remember my own childhood like it was yesterday!

I called my doctor's office the next day to let them know that I had just found out I was pregnant (I thought they'd want me to cancel my appt., but they still wanted me to come in because they do an annual exam when you're pregnant, so they just decided to do mine earlier than most). My awesome doctor for the past four years confirmed I was indeed pregnant and did a couple of tests. One was to see if my hormone levels were where they were supposed to be if everything was progressing correctly at this stage--it was. The other was to see if I had low progesterone because my mom had four or five miscarriages due to that reason. The only reason she was able to have me--and I was over two months early--was because her doctor gave her progesterone supplements.

It turned out that I was a little low; they like the level to be 20 and mine was 16.9, so I was put on progesterone immediately which took away any concern I had of following my mom's pattern. Obviously I can still have a miscarriage, but it won't be for that reason which is apparently the #1 reason for all miscarriages. So I feel it was kind of a miracle that I had that appt. already scheduled (in all of the years past I've gone in May or June) because normally they don't allow you to come in until you're seven or eight weeks along--and most miscarriages happen before then.

Speaking of which, I had no idea the pregnancy calendar starts the first day of your last period, so when they talk about how far along pregnant women are, they are really starting with their last cycle. So even though I had conceived 2.5 weeks prior to my annual exam, they informed me that I was already at 4.5 weeks (done with my first month)! I think that's so weird! There's so much to learn!

My doctor set up my first ultrasound for Friday, September 21st (which means the fetus will be five weeks old, but it will be "week seven" of my pregnancy). I am really excited to see what's been growing inside of me for over the past month! It's insane to think that my body knows what to do on its own. It's been creating a human being!!! WOW!!!! Life is really miraculous, huh?!?!

The baby is due Mother's Day weekend [or on May 13th] 2008, isn't that sweet? :-) I'm happy I won't be pregnant during the summer. Ever since I was a little girl I haven't wanted a summer baby. Originally, it was because most of my friends have always had summer birthdays and they didn't like them because they were either older or younger than their classmates and they didn't get to participate in classroom birthday parties with treats and stuff. Once I became an adult the reason was more for my comfort level. I don't handle heat very well and have heard that pregnancy makes almost any woman severely uncomfortable and sensitive to heat. My ideal months to have children have always been between November and April, but May is fine. I still might be a little uncomfortable in the heat if I have "baby weight" on me, but maybe summer will motivate me to lose it faster because I won't be able to hide beneath winter clothing.

Anyway, we had already scheduled to go back to Iowa that weekend for Joe's mom's birthday (which is actually on September 11th), and so it was the perfect time to tell everyone the news! Sandi's been wanting us to have a baby for a while, so we figured it'd forever be one of her favorite birthday gifts :-) We had taken pictures of the positive pregnancy tests (Joe had wanted me to do another test the next morning even though I told him there were no false positives) and I found a frame for Joe's mom that said "Great Moms Are Promoted to Grandmas" and one for my mom that had Noah's Ark as the border.

We went to Joe's mom's house that Friday night (September 7th) where his sister from California was also visiting, so it was nice she could be involved as well. His mom was thrilled to be the first person to learn of the news. (On Sunday we also called Joe's other sister who lives in Colorado to share with her & her family.)

On Saturday afternoon (September 8th) we drove to my mom & stepdad's house and went out to lunch at an art gallery. It was hilarious--my mom opened the gift and she just kept talking about the frame: "oh how pretty," look at this look and that, etc. This went on for a good couple of minutes and I was thinking, what in the world? This isn't how I thought she'd react! Then all of a sudden she just stopped talking in mid-sentence and stared at the picture! She looked at me with a confused expression and I started laughing, which verified what she was thinking. She was totally surprised--it was priceless!

Apparently she hadn't paid much attention to the picture at first because she assumed it was whatever the frame company had put in as a standard photo. But then she thought that was a strange picture (her first impression was that it was spatulas!) and so when she looked closer she realized it wasn't an automatic photo nor was it of kitchen utensils! My mom and stepdad were happy--it will be their first grandchild since they have no other children besides me.

I told my dad & stepmom a little differently when Joe and I went over to their house that late afternoon/early evening to catch up and ride in their boat on their lake. I had a stack of photos I'd already planned to give to them and so I put the pregnancy tests at the end. I told them to look at the pics together, but my dad went to sit down after seeing just a couple, and told my stepmom to pass them to him when she was done. I was like, "No, Dad, why don't you look at them at the same time." Haha.

He said later that he thought something was up, but he didn't expect it to be pregnancy-related! He went back over to my stepmom and they went through the photos and then at the same time their faces broke into smiles and my stepmom laughed and said to my dad, "You know what this is, right?" So I knew they'd come to that picture! They were happy, too. :-)

At that time it didn't seem at all real to Joe & me. I hadn't had any side effects (in fact, I was feeling excellent) and so I was hoping I would be one of the lucky women who doesn't experience morning sickness and says pregnancy is the best time of their life and they've never felt better.

I've since discovered I'm not one of those women :p

We went back to Joe's mom's house on Sat. night, and on Sun. morning I woke up feeling dizzy. It was like the room was spinning from 8:30 am to 1:30 pm. I didn't feel sick, but it was uncomfortable and unlike anything I'd ever experienced for no reason.

I was fine by that afternoon, though, and so I told my brother the news, as well as my grandparents and a couple of friends.

I continued to be GREAT until Thursday, September 13th. At six weeks pregnant, I officially began to experience morning sickness and lack of energy. It's been a week since then and I haven't thrown up yet (so I'm hoping that means I won't), but that day was absolutely horrible. I was in bed all day, feeling incredibly nauseated. I actually woke up at 4:30 am because I was craving chicken (I guess that was my first craving). I'm not talking about being in the mood for chicken--I'm saying this was a life or death situation--I needed chicken! I kept thinking, this is ridiculous, go back to sleep. But I couldn't. Visions of chicken floated in my head. :p

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and went to the kitchen to see if we had any chicken. We did: a box of diced grilled chicken chunks! I also found hashbrowns and so I made myself an early breakfast.

Joe heard me moving around downstairs and thought maybe I was sick or that something was wrong. Instead, he found me standing over the stove cooking. He started laughing and was like, "What are you doing?" I told him I wanted some chicken. He's like, "Yep, you're pregnant."

Yeah. . .never in my life have I gotten up in the middle of the night to eat! But I enjoyed my chicken and hashbrowns and went back to bed about 6:30 am. I woke up for good at 8:30--and that's when I thought I was going to throw up. I tried to take a shower and go about my day, but realized that I simply couldn't. I'm not sure how to explain it, other than I just felt BAD.

Around 12:30 I was hungry again and decided to fix a cheese pasta in tomato sauce mixture over the stove. For those of you who don't already know, I don't have a sense of smell due to head injuries as a child. And yet, as I stirred the food, the spices went up my nose and the most powerful nausea overtook me. I ran to the bathroom, but thankfully it had passed once I left the kitchen. I told Joe it looks like he's going to have to do the cooking for a while.

I've since learned that smells are often worse for pregnant women than actually eating. That appears to be my case as well, since I haven't had any trouble with my stomach or eating (in fact, I've been starving and scared I'm eating too much too soon; I've already gained two pounds because I'm hungry non-stop), but instead it's like my head is making me sick. I'm nauseous because my head is nauseous, if that makes any sense. I tried to sit out on the deck to eat the lunch (by the time the food was ready, my appetite was gone) and get some fresh air, but I ended up just going back to bed until 4:30 pm.

Finally, I got up to get a drink of water and felt I could walk without feeling like I was going to throw up. So I went downstairs to check my e-mail. . .but less than five minutes later I felt sick again. I've since discovered I can't be at the computer for more than a few minutes because it makes everything worse. (I've been writing this blog with many breaks in between.)

Joe arrived home at 5:30 pm and I suggested we go for a walk--maybe that would help me feel better.

I have a new appreciation for women who go through with pregnancies even if they are unmarried and/or the baby is unplanned. I've always admired women who step up to the plate to raise their children even if it's not their ideal time, or go through the pregnancy but give their baby up for adoption, and knowing what I know now as far as how horrible you feel while pregnant it's an even bigger deal! Even I have a hard time being happy (focusing on the end result) when I'm feeling miserable. And here I have a wonderful husband, am able to stay at home in bed all day rather than go to an office, and have been taking my time getting ready for this moment. I'd be lying if I said the thought "is this worth it?" hasn't gone through my head. But then moments when I'm feeling well (such as now) I think about that little boy or girl that's going to be a combination of Joe & me and I get soooo giddy! I am actually glad I didn't get pregnant on my first try because I don't take this pregnancy for granted. I appreciate it even more--it seems so special and miraculous--and I can answer myself with certainty, "yes, it's worth it. I want to meet & know this soul!"

Anyway, at first I started to feel better on the walk last Thursday (we stopped by Jenn's and gave her back the container from her cookies), but on the way home felt bad again. Still, I was hungry for supper and so I had the rest of the chicken and hashbrowns. . .and then felt wonderful! Not just normal, but terrific from 6:30 pm on! I tried to be productive that evening because I was scared when I woke up on Friday that I would have a repeat of Thursday. Fortunately, I didn't but I lost ALL of my energy by 2 pm that day. For the rest of the afternoon/night I felt I'd been run over by a bus. I was sooo exhausted. I wasn't nauseous, but I didn't have energy to do anything.

This feeling remained the entire weekend. Since then I've been going to bed at 9:30 pm every night and sleeping until 8 am. That's when it started to hit me a little that I'm really pregnant. It was as if something else had taken over my body. . .yeah that's right! Everything I was feeling was so unique and unusual to anything I'd ever experienced before.

On Friday night Joe & I rented She's Having a Baby which was the perfect movie for us to watch. (It's an old 80's movie with Kevin Bacon.)

On Saturday ISU beat Iowa so that was a good day.

On Sunday morning my dad came over. . .and the Chicago Bears won--yeay!

Monday I felt lazy all day. . .and then Tuesday was a repeat of last Thursday: another all-day nausea that forced me to be in bed this time all of the way until Wednesday morning. :-( I felt better when I woke up and so I went to the grocery store for the first time since Labor Day--but not long after I came home I had a splitting headache that didn't go away until I went to sleep last night. I'd been taking naps every day for a couple of hours and don't know if it's because I skipped yesterday or what, but what I thought was going to be a better day didn't turn out to be.

Today I felt good, just really tired. I've discovered what's on all of the TV channels during the day. :p Nothing worth mentioning.

I've started reading books, but haven't begun to prepare for the baby yet--that's still too scary right now! When I had my annual exam, my doctor was like, "Now are you thinking, oh no there's no backing out now?" I was like, "Exactly!" It's crazy that this was our goal and yet now that it's here, it's like, OMG! What once seemed a slow process happened plenty fast! She said that's how the majority feels, even her (she has three little girls, the last two are twins)! But what if I'm not ready after all? I really haven't been around that many babies in my life, so I'm pretty clueless! (Same with Joe, although I have no doubt he'll be a wonderful father. That's half of why I'm having a kid, actually. We need more people like him in the world. Our child will be lucky to have him as their dad.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time. Or, really, one hour at a time. Each day is a new surprise. Tomorrow Joe is going to meet me at my doctor's office at 1:30 pm, so I'm praying the baby is healthy and that everything is going well!