My dad retired on Friday! Thirty-three years as a Special Agent for the Division of Criminal Investigation in Des Moines, Iowa. How cool is that?! :)

Now that he is sixty, he is probably thinking about life insurance for seniors. I don't think of my dad as a senior citizen. He is still very young acting (the common stories shared by his co-workers at his party on Friday were about my dad's goofiness and great sense of humor over the years), and thankfully he is doing fine health-wise. He has started golfing, and he wants to work more on landscaping since he & my stepmom have lived on a beautiful lake for the past 9 years. But, he still needs 60 & Up Life Insurance. It doesn't have to take the fun out of retirement, though. Financial One offers fair rates and an easy tool to find the best plan for each person. So he can golf and take his boat out on the lake and know that he is protected.

A few months ago I wrote a post titled The Fussy Baby Book, about a book I read by doctors William & Martha Sears. I also liked a book by the Sears family (the most popular & trusted pediatricians in America) called The Vaccine Book, which I mentioned in my post 4 Months Old. So, now I've bought The Discipline Book by the same authors, hoping that it will help me gain confidence with the toddler stage as well. All of the Sears books focus on a style of parenting called "attachment parenting." I didn't realize until I became a supporter that there are a lot of misconceptions about what it is. So, I'm going to summarize The Fussy Baby Book to explain this method of parenting!

Attachment parenting is often misunderstood as "liberal" and "spoiling" parenting. But the Sears say that it's the most natural, instinctive way to parent - however many people don't do it because in the U.S. in the Twentieth Century a message was sent (by the same people who told women to stop breastfeeding because formula was better and to also put women completely unconscious during childbirth) that parents must be strict if they wanted their kids to behave and to be successful. But attachment parenting has actually shown a higher success rate when it comes to good behavior and better self-esteem because parents listen to their children's needs. Babies don't manipulate, they communicate.

As said on page 7, "attachment parenting begins with giving the infant roots, then helps her develop the wings to become independent and ultimately gives her the tools to become a solid and secure person."

This style of parenting actually makes children more flexible, patient, and disciplined.

On page 9, William & Martha talked about the fourth of their eight children: "We gradually figured out that the child shouldn't control the parents or the parents control the child. Yet parents must control situations; when there is no limit-setting, family life is a disaster. We needed to be in charge of Hayden, to give her house rules and then control her environment so that it was not difficult for her to comply with these rules."

That doesn't sound like liberal or spoiling to me.

From Wikipedia: "According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood.

Attachment theory, originally proposed by John Bowlby, states that the infant has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. Bowlby had earlier proposed in his maternal deprivation hypothesis published in 1951 that maternal deprivation would not only cause depression in children, but also acute conflict and hostility, decreasing their ability to form healthy relationships in adult life.

In attachment theory, attachment is considered a biological system and children are naturally attached to their parents because they are social beings, not just because they need other people to satisfy drives."

(You can find a complete guide to attachment parenting in the Sears' book, The Attachment Parenting Book.)

What has this meant for us?

I highlighted page 15 that said: "You can often spot high-need babies in the hospital nursery. These babies put more energy into everything they do. They cry loudly, feed voraciously, laugh with gusto, and protest more forcefully if their needs are not met. Because they feel everything so deeply, they react powerfully if their feelings are disturbed. 'If I don't feed him as soon as he fusses, he falls apart' is a common statement from the mother of such a baby. You can read the intensity of the baby's feelings in her body language. The fists are clenched, back arched, muscles tensed, as if ready for action."

Even though Logan isn't usually "high-need," that paragraph described him to a T. Each nurse who came into my room after I gave birth said stuff like, "So it's YOUR little guy who is the loudest in the nursery." Or, "He's going to be very strong-willed."

This is still his behavior when he doesn't eat right away or something else upsets him. But, thankfully most of the time he is easy-going, laid-back, and quiet. I believe this is because Joe & I have met his needs and so he hasn't had to fight. (Or else he still would be like the baby we met in the hospital.) He's learned how to be content. He could still improve on patience, haha, but he rarely ever screams or acts stubborn like he did during his first week of life.

The Sears books supports my thought: "The majority of parents we have counseled brought their high-need babies into the world and followed their own intuitive parenting to give their child the level of care he needed. This is healthy behavior that will work to the advantage of parent and child."

I do have one regret, though. I didn't start my "instinctive parenting" until he was about 5 days old. (Again, that makes sense why he became a lot easier and calmer from then on - he had to be the opposite before then.) I was just so clueless. . .I seriously thought that the nurses in the hospital must know more than I did about my baby and they would take better care of him than me. So, I didn't even keep him in my room most of the time during my 48 hrs in the hospital. (Using the nursery had been recommended by our childbirth class instructor and Joe & I had thought, yeah, why not, we have the rest of our lives.) I was so worn out from my 4-hr pushing phase, and Logan was a stranger (I bonded and became close to him on day 3 - when we found out he had jaundice and had to go to the hospital. Until then I definitely loved him, but I didn't have a huge connection or mother's instinct toward him yet. From day 3 on, though, it was major!)

Thankfully, it didn't seem to cause any problems with us - we've had an ideal healthy, close relationship. But I will still do it differently next time because I've learned how incredibly important those first hours are between baby & mother! Page 45: "Fresh from a soft, warm womb and a little time in mother's arms, baby takes a bumpy ride to the newborn nursery, where he stays on a static mattress in a plastic box, surrounded by bright lights, chatty adults, and a lineup of other babies in plastic boxes. What he needs is to stay with his mother so that he can gaze at her face and use her smell, her movements, and her holding to help him stay calm and feel safe. He is miserable and frightened in the plastic box and cries desperately. If there is a nurse there who has time, she might pick him up, but chances are he'll have to wait. He'll cry and cry until he exhausts himself to sleep, in the process experiencing very disturbing feelings. Bonding will be severely disrupted, and he will learn that he cannot trust that his needs will be met.

"The nursery option is a biologically incorrect setup. The nurse is the one who initially hears the baby's cry, but the mother (in another room) is the one who is biologically programmed to calm the cries. Most infants have two phases to their cry. The early phase, called the attachment-promoting phase, is the perfect signal, disturbing enough to pompt the listener to want to pick up and hold the baby and give a comforting response, but not so disturbing as to make the listener want to avoid the baby. In the nursery arrangement this is the phase of the cry that the nurse hears and she eventually takes the baby down to the mother's room. However, by the time baby gets to his mother, his cries are in the next phase - the avoidance promoting phase. His cries escalate into a shrill sound, and the mother is presented with an anxious, frightened baby whose cries cause her to be anxious, even frightened. Mothers and babies who start out life in separate rooms are out of sync."

Wikipedia: "Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting fosters a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, the anti-vaccination movement, natural health, cooperative movements, naturism and support of organic food.

However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs."

For example, pretty much everyone told me that my baby was going to love to be swaddled. Nope. Aside from his first three days, Logan never liked the confinement. Nor did he ever need me to hold him all day/night long. Still, I tried baby wearing when he was a month old - but that wasn't for us, either. At two months old when I got the whole breastfeeding thing down, I hoped to be able to nurse Logan in bed. Well that did happen for about a month when he was five months old - but that was all it lasted for and he still never slept for more than 20 minutes next to me. Sleeping where he could see me (even to this day) makes him more active. He's always been the most peaceful in his crib alone, so no co-sleeping for us (which is fine with me because I did co-sleep off & on with my mom after her divorce and then I had a very hard time when it came to an end when I was eight because she remarried. However, if done right it is more positive than negative. The Sears have written The Baby Sleep Book for how to co-sleep "correctly.")

On page 34, a study proved that a baby's overall phyisiology - heart rate, breathing, and blood oxygen saturation - was more stable when sleeping next to Mom than when sleeping alone. (Same for baby wearing.) This is what they do in most all other cultures.

Even though attachment parenting encourages doing those things, I am still a follower & supporter because I didn't push them. That's the whole point. I take each day at a time, I go with Logan's flow, and then I react accordingly. Yes, attachment parenting means parents have to relax and let go - but believe me, it's a lot less stressful that way.

Page 16 says: One of the most difficult mental adjustments for parents to make is overcoming the fear of being manipulated and losing control. Once you make the switch in mind-set to believing that your baby is communicating her needs, not controlling your lives, thriving and surviving with a high-need baby will be much easier."

But, sometimes it's hard to read a baby's signals which then makes it hard for a parent to go with the flow. That's why those above bolded guidelines from Wikipedia are a great place to keep going back to. Generally, they are what work.

One thing they encourage that did work for Logan was "feeding frequently." (They've written The Breastfeeding Book to help with issues regarding baby feeding.)

On page 17: Studies show that babies who are fed frequently, as needed, cry less than infants who are fed on a more rigid, parent-controlled schedule."

I've always (and still do) feed Logan on demand. This seriously solved all of his problems when he was a baby. Those not on board with attachment parenting make it sound like a bad thing - that I was setting him up to use food for comfort and to be fat. But, if he hadn't been hungry then he wouldn't have eaten. I never forced him, if he hadn't gulped it all down then I would have had no problem resorting to some other method to make him stop crying. My first instinct as a nursing mother was to offer my breast at the first sign of him crying - and it did prevent him from ever wailing or having any bad nights. I could tell that being able to count on me was what helped him to feel secure; that was all he needed to be calm. There was never frustration on his part, or a struggle, because he felt he was being heard; his message was getting across. He was easier, which made parenting less stressful for me. I can see how this has helped us even now at a year old. We have sort of a telepathic thing going on sometimes. :)

Page 22 says: "The attachment style of parenting really pays off in developing a good fit. The hours you spend each day in high-touch, responsive parenting will naturally help you and your baby."

And, Logan is completely average (50%) in weight now (24 lbs at almost 13 months). Page 18 says: "frequent breastfeeders rarely remain overweight, even if for a while some look like miniature sumo wrestlers. Studies show that the fat cells laid down by breastfeeding babies are quite different from those of babies fed manufactured baby milk. The fat melts away once baby becomes mobile. So how often should you breastfeed your high-need baby? As frequently as baby needs yet not to the extent that it wears you out."

Needs that are met early in life go away. Needs that are left unmet never entirely disappear. Therapists offices are filled with high-need adults in search of re-parenting.

Reacting & following all of my baby's cues makes sense. The Sears' devote an entire chapter on the misguided advice of someone saying "let the baby cry it out." (I wrote about the dangers of the cry it out method on my posts Preparing For Brachial Cleft Surgery and My Son's 5th Month.)

Page 31 says: "It shows not only a misunderstanding of the communication value of the infant's cry, but also a devaluing of the mother's sensitivity. Mothers are not designed to let their babies cry, nor are babies' cries designed to go unanswered."

Page 32 says: "Once you appreciate the special signal value of your baby's cry, the important thing is what you do about it. You have two basic options: ignore or respond. Ignoring your baby's cry is usually a lose-lose situation. A more compliant baby gives up and stops signaling, becomes withdrawn, eventually realizes that crying is not worthwhile and concludes that he himself is not worthwhile either. The baby loses the motivation to communicate with his parents, and the parents miss out on opportunities to get to know their baby. Everyone loses. A baby with a more persistent personality does not give up so easily. Instead, he cries more loudly and keeps escalating his signal, making it more and more disturbing. You could ignore this persistent signal in several ways. You could wait until the baby stops crying and then pick him up, so that he won't think it was his crying that got your attention. This is actually a type of power struggle; you teach the baby that you're in control, but you also teach him that he has no power to communicate. This shuts down parent-child communication, and in the long run everybody loses.

"You could desensitize yourself completely so that you won't be bothered at all by the cry; this way you can teach baby he gets responded to only when it's time. Also, according to this scenario, baby gets used to being in a constant state of want. Not feeling right becomes the norm to be re-created throughout his life. This is another lose-lose situation; baby doesn't get what he needs, and parents remain stuck in a mind-set that doesn't allow them to enjoy the baby's unique personality. Or you could pick baby up to calm him but then put him right back down because 'it's not time to feed him yet.' He has to learn, after all, to be happy 'on his own.' Lose-lose again; he will start to cry again and you will feel angry. He will learn that his desires make you angry. And he will learn his communication, though heard, has not been understood, which can lead him to learn to distrust his own perceptions.

"Your other option is to give a prompt and nurturant response. This is the win-win way for baby and mother to work out a communication system that helps them both. The mother responds promptly and sensitively so that the baby will feel less frantic the next time he needs something. The baby learns to cry "better," in a less disturbing way, since he knows mother will come. Mother structures baby's environment so that there is less need for him to cry, she keeps him close to her if she knows he's tired and ready to sleep. Mother also heightens her sensitivity to the cry so that she can give just the right response: a quick response when the baby is young and prone to fall apart easily or when the cry makes it clear there is real danger; a slower response when the baby is older and can begin to learn to settle the disturbance on his own."

I wish I could copy this entire chapter because it's so good - it goes on to explain how the "cry it out advice" got started, involves lots of data, and then tips on how to respond to your baby's cries. The chapter after that is devoted on "ways to soothe a fussy baby," the next is "feelings shared by parents of high-need children," and the next is "seventeen survival tips for parents of high-need children" - because attachment parenting is NOT catering to your child's every want or never saying no.

Strive for balance.

Page 23 says: "Many new mothers and fathers enter parenting believing they must be in control of their child. Or, they may be the product of controlling parents themselves and have vowed not to do anything to squelch their child's personality. Both extremes cripple a child. Putting the lid on a child's personality stunts the chld's emotional growth."

The way to be a balanced parent is:

1) Consider Yourself. (Make time for yourself. It's like the flight attendant on an airplane, "Put on your oxygen mask before putting on your child's." If you are suffocating, you are no good to your child.)

2) Allow Baby Some Frustration (In the early months babies need a "yes mother." But in the later months, babycare can develop into "martyr mothering" and actually interfere with your child's ability to begin developing a sense of self and a sense of competence.) If you are truly watching your child's signs then you will want to encourage them along the natural progression of life to their next step. There have been many moments in Logan's life that "I" haven't been ready to move on from, but it's so obvious that "he" is and so I don't stop him. Believe in your child. Have confidence in them. And then they will in themselves. (For help on this, check out the Sears' The Successful Child Book.)

3) Make Sleep A Priority (To keep your sanity you must make rest a priority.)

4) Be Positive (If you're exhausted, use some humor: "At least I am getting some exercise.")

5) Be Patient ("This too shall pass.")

6) Focus on the Biggies (Save your energy for the rough edges in your child's personality that you simply can't tolerate and that you feel will later work to her disadvantage. Don't waste energy on the smallies - they will take care of themselves.)

7) Realize Your Child Is Unique (Disregard what a baby is "supposed" to be like)

8) Don't Compare (Just because your child is different, doesn't mean they are wrong)

9) Get Out (Especially if you are a SAHM - leave the house and be around other people)

10) If You Resent It, Change It (I can relate to page 93: "Your six-month old awakens daily at 6:15 am raring to go and demanding playmates. You are a night person, hate getting up at dawn, and like to wake up slowly." So change what YOU'RE doing, change your understanding of your child, and change your attitude. You can find the positives about mornings.)

11) Get Help (Choose your allies)

12) Job Share (Trying to practice attachment parenting without your spouse's help can wear you out if you don't have extended family to help.)

13) Plan Ahead (Learn to anticipate your child's needs, and avoid, as much as possible situations that set you up for conflicts.)

14) Take The Long View (Shaping a child's behavior is a gradual process. You will not see daily change.)

15) Get Behind The Eyes Of Your Child ("If I were Beth, what would I want my mother to say?")

16) It's No One Else's Fault (The key is to get your personalities to mesh rather than clash.)

17) Study Your Child (Once you get in sync with your child, you will be able to stop relying on outside advice and trust yourself)

The next chapter is devoted to "mother burnout," followed by "helping the high-need child go to sleep and stay asleep," then "feeding high-need children," then "hidden causes of fussiness in infants," and the last section is "the high-need child grows up."

Only time will tell how my child grows up, but so far I've seen all positive effects from attachment parenting and no negative effects, so that's why I'm looking forward to reading The Discipline Book - because now I want to know how to keep following attachment parenting into the toddler years when the natural thing is for the child to unattach (which is where the "terrible twos" come from).

I'm guessing the Sears' will remind me to use my instinct and to stay balanced :)

The majority of women who I know have not felt that uncontrollable, body reflex "urge to push" during labor and yet their babies came out in 30 minutes. Yes, there have been a couple of women I know who had it -- but aside from me (I had it) there are more women I've talked to who never had it to the degree I had. . .and yet, I pushed for four hours because the urge stopped once I became dilated to 10 cm.

I was 8-9 cm when my body first tried to push Logan out. I thought for sure he was going to slip out fast. I'd never had something overtake my body in such a manner. I couldn't feel anything else but the convulsions. It actually wasn't painful but rather felt good -- the only way I can describe it is to say it felt like the opposite of a contraction so it released the pain.

When my doctor said I was at 10 cm and I could push anytime, I was like, Woo hoo, I've been forcing myself not to push for the past hour! Now I can finally do what my body wants. (The hospital staff had said that I could injure/tear my cervix if I didn't wait which could be very serious.)

However, once I was fully dilated, nothing happened. The convulsions stopped! Instead, when I had a contraction my doctor said to go ahead and push, and so that's what I did for 4 hrs. At first I tried not to "force push" because that is one of the "no-no's" of hypnobirthing. But, after an hour of trying not to bear down but rather to push gently with my body guiding my pushes -- with no urge to push, nor any progress with Logan moving down, I was like whatever, I just want this baby out. So unlike the first hour when I was "breathing the baby out" (the term used in hypnobirthing), I spent the last three hours doing the standard "hold your breath and count to three and push, let it out, repeat."

Half of me regrets doing that because it cuts off the flow of blood & oxygen to the baby and since Logan wasn't breathing when he came out, I can't help but feel I was to blame. The other half doesn't see that I had any other choice. My body wasn't pushing Logan out naturally -- he wasn't going to come out without me bearing down. For me, I'd rather have my 4 hr pushing phase again if it means my 3-hour dilation phase because the "waiting" is worse since all you can do is just feel pain. When you're pushing, you're not really thinking "pain," you're thinking "time for the baby to come!" It's an adrenaline high, motivation is at the top level. Also, I think that's why I didn't tear at all and had such a quick recovery (my body had a lot of time to gradually ease Logan out.) But for the baby's sake -- it breaks my heart and makes me cry to think of Logan being in distress. . .we were really lucky he turned out okay.

That's why it's important for me to do everything I can to have a quick pushing phase next time so that I don't put my baby through an unncessary hard labor. So, I began surfing the internet and found that for most women who experienced the same strong urge to push that I did had their baby in a matter of minutes. So I'm wondering, what the heck happened with me?!

Was it that Logan didn't get caught in my pelvis until 10 cm, so at first he was "free falling through the birth canal?" (Said to be the reason for the "urge to push.") At my check-up and ultrasound 2.5 days before he was born both my doctor and the ultrasound technician had said that he was on his side, so did he not change to posterior until I became 10 cm and so that's what stopped my body from wanting to push? I found a message board with a woman similar to me and a labor & delivery nurse answered her question by saying:

A patient with a really strong urge to push and a really elastic cervix may be able to start pushing at 8 cm. She may well not be able to not push!

In your case, I'd bet that the baby was in a posterior position (facing your front rather than your back). This position seems to cause an early urge to push and can slow the progress of labor, both dilation and descent. Pushing before you were complete would not have helped.

I like it when I can tell a woman to just listen to her body and do what it tells her to do so that she may ease gradually into pushing. I almost never count for patients unless the doctor is there and that is his instruction. Really long pushes decrease maternal cardiac output and stress the baby too much.

So maybe it was the posterior position giving me the urge to push? If so, I wonder why??? Or - and this is the one that bothers me - could it have been ME forcing against the urge to push for almost an hour? Could I have psychologically & physically stopped labor?! Maybe I'm wrong, but it sure felt like if I had pushed when I was 9 cm that Logan would have popped immediately out. So, I looked up how dangerous it is to push before 10 cm and read a good article (UPDATE: I had it linked but it is no longer online).

There is a rule of labor that forbids a woman to push with contractions until her cervix is completely dilated to 10 cm. Women are warned that to push before this doorway is completely open and out of the way will result in a swollen and/or torn cervix.

What will supposedly happen if the cervix swells?
Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas and childbirth educators all warn that a swollen cervix will impede labor and increase the chances of tearing the cervix, thus causing hemorrhage. They have been taught that a swollen cervix is easily broken or pulverized. If this is indeed the truth, then why do most women during labor have an irresistible urge to begin bearing down before dilation is complete?

Could it be that the instinctual wisdom of our bodies has become our enemy? Is Spirit trying to destroy us instead of guiding us? Why would we feel the need to begin bearing down at 5–6 cm (or sooner) if it would shatter the gateway to the baby’s outer world?

These were questions that I pondered as a midwife, as I watched woman after woman give birth in the 1970s. Each of us struggled through the phase of labor when we wanted to push, but we knew that we had to refrain from doing so because that was what we had been taught in childbirth education classes. We had learned this from previous births in the hospital.

By what authority should we doubt the information given to us by the learned men and women of science?

Collectively, women decided that remaining passive during labor was better than risking injury or death of themselves and/or their unborn babies by obeying “outdated” promptings of their bodies, whose wisdom hadn’t kept up with science.

Could professionals be mistaken about when women can begin bearing down during labor, because they forgot one simple part of the equation—that of observing non-medicated women in labor in their natural habitats?

Remember this: People at one time believed that the world was flat. Dr. Ignaz Semmelweiss was ridiculed until his death in 1865 for suggesting that germs were responsible for the widespread child bed fever that killed an epidemic number of women simply because doctors didn’t wash their hands.

How did this “Rule of Ten” come about?
In 1951 doctors Greenhill and DeLee wrote “During the first stage of labor no abdominal pushing is allowed because the cervix will tear.”

We can safely assume that the women being studied by Greenhill and DeLee were under the influence of drugs, because in the mid-20th century the orgy of drug interference during labor and birth was at its height of glory. Almost no women were informed enough to withstand the onslaught of drugs given to them during birth in the hospital. Unfortunately, the situation has not changed in the sixty years since.

Therefore, these doctors were scientifically incorrect in concluding that the “Rule of Ten” was valid, without simultaneously observing a control group of drug-free laboring women in the upright position (as opposed to being drugged and lying down in beds).

The only place that they would have been able to make these observations by comparison would have been at homebirths. In the 1950s, homebirths were almost non-existent.

In the early part of the 1970s many American women, tired of being dominated by wrong medical thinking, left the system and went home to birth their children. I was one of these women. That birth led to my becoming a midwife.

The first time I witnessed the cervix miraculously responding to being pushed on at 6 cm dilation was when a woman was giving birth to her third baby. Susan had a quick and easy labor. When she reached 6 cm, she could not hold back from pushing. Her body gave her clear signals that it was time for her to aid the uterus in the expulsion of her unborn child, himself pushing to be born. She began to grunt and bear down involuntarily, making primitive animal sounds that emanated from deep inside her throat.

I, supposedly the learned one, watched her break the cardinal rule in obstetrics. Aloud, I recited, “You must not push. You’re not fully dilated. You can tear or injure your cervix. Pant like a puppy!”

She obeyed with difficulty.

After thirty minutes of this ridiculous scenario, I checked her dilation again, hoping that she would now be dilated to 10 cm so that I could release her from her agony by giving her “permission” to push. Horror upon horrors greeted my fingers as I discovered that she was still only 6 cm, but now her cervix was swollen from not pushing.

She had several more contractions while I was on the telephone (I was new at midwifery), frantically calling midwives in another state because there weren’t any in Las Vegas, for advice on what to do about this “problem.” The midwife I spoke to wasn’t any more experienced than I was and apologized for not knowing what to tell me.

While I was on the phone, Susan, tired of panting like the puppy she wasn’t, finally just went ahead and began pushing without my “permission.” I threw down the telephone, rushed over and quickly slipped on a sterile glove. As she pushed, I felt her very puffy cervix, now 7 cm, slip over the baby’s head. Out popped his little head, all in one contraction.

Her cervix didn’t tear, the swelling subsided immediately, and mother and baby were both fine. Mom was no doubt relieved that she had survived her well-meaning, but ignorant, midwife.

I went home thinking about that one, convinced that we were just lucky that everything turned out okay in spite of the fact that this woman ignored science in favor of primal wisdom.

The next time I encountered a “defiant” woman was soon after, when another woman went into labor. Carol was expecting her second baby. During active labor, at 4 cm—when her cervix was soft and stretchy—Carol squatted by her bedroom door and hung onto the doorknob with both hands. She then began to bear down with each very strong contraction.

“Oh, great, here we go again,” I thought as I advised her to desist from pushing.

Carol was less “obedient” than Susan had been and didn’t give ear to my dire warning. She just grunted and pushed like an empowered woman, completely unafraid, and within 30 minutes dilated to 10 cm.

Her baby was fine, her cervix was fine, and this time I was fine. I now understood the power of fearless women and the primal (of first importance) wisdom of our bodies.

As I attended more and more births, I learned that women could safely push during labor sooner than what the textbooks claimed. However, the question wasn’t whether a woman pushed, but how and when.
----

The article goes into further explanation as there are gray areas. This does not mean that every woman who feels the urge to push before 10 cm should -- but, personally, at 8-9 cm I think I could have lightly (done the whole "breathing the baby out" that hypnobirthing teaches) and been alright. Who knows, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference -- maybe labor still would have stopped for me because of my pelvis and/or Logan's position. But, I can't help but wonder "what if." Joe's telling me to stop beating myself up, Logan was fine, I was fine -- but it's just the "hindsight is 20/20" thing. Most babies I know didn't have any distress during childbirth. I feel bad that Logan had to go through such a traumatic pushing phase.

I know that it's not "my fault," I did the best that I could at the time - back then I had no idea what to expect, childbirth was as a foreign concept to me. I still can't be 100% prepared for my next labor, but at least I have an idea this time since I've already been through one and many things will be similar. So when I see how much info there is so easily accessible and well-known (modern childbirth isn't a secret anymore, really no one should have an excuse), I want to make sure I don't ignore it because otherwise my next baby (or me) might not be as lucky.

To sum up this post: if I feel the urge to push at 8-9 cm next time, I'm not going to bear down or push hard, but I definitely won't fight against it. I will allow myself to push a little. There is a reason for the urge to push, if my baby wants to come out I'm not going to stop him/her!

I would like to get Logan some wooden toys. Right now all he has are plastic, but wooden toys are said to be risk-free (not as many health hazards), safer for the environment (don't have to worry about pollution) and more intellectual stimulating (more innovation goes into making them). I know I had some as a child, and they are actually becoming more popular now!

Lou Lou's Corner has these, plus designer baby clothes - appaman and barefoot dreams - and jellycat stuff! My heart melted when I saw the jellycat penguin from Lou Lou's Corner:Hmmm, I think I might be interested in more of their products besides just wooden toys! Check out Lou Lou's Corner for great gift ideas. . .or for yourself :)

I have just figured out the perfect compromise for my husband and I to go on a vacation: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina!

You see, my husband hates flying. He didn't step on an airplane until he had to for a job interview when he was 23 years old (which was a year and a half after 9/11) and I think this resulted in an irrational fear. I understand his fear - planes do crash and when a plane crashes you most likely will die. But, since my first plane trip was at nine months old (and many followed), I prefer taking an airplane to a car any day.

Neither of us are big travelers, but this doesn't mean that we don't feel the need for a vacation, a break, a getaway. The difference is, my husband's idea is staying local (but we live in the Midwest, so there's only so many places to visit). My perfect vacation is relaxing on a beach somewhere (but there are zero in the Midwest). I've begged him to take me to Hawaii or the Caribbean, but so far, six years into our marriage, we've only been to one beach: our honeymoon to Sand Key (Clearwater), Florida. So it is time to go to another!!!

After taking a look at Myrtle Beach Hotels, I am in heaven right now. I went to the Carolinas in 2005 and it was such a gorgeous place - and it is the only other place I would like to live someday (more on that in a future post). But we didn't make it to the area of Myrtle Beach Resorts. If we had, we'd probably go back every year to stay at a Myrtle Beach Resort.

I'm definitely going to have my husband take a look when he gets home from work today. For one, it's cheaper than going to Hawaii or the Caribbean, but two - we both win this way because we can make it a fun road trip and drive the 21 hrs. Once he sees the website for Myrtle Beach Resorts I know he's going to think this sounds like paradise, too! :)

Two weeks ago I posted Birthday Boy, about Logan's first birthday. Today I thought it'd be fun to put Joe & my first birthday pictures side by side Logan's :)

Me:
Logan:
Me:
Logan:
In the past, I've posted comparison photos when Logan looks like me and when Logan looks like Joe. For Logan's first four months he was a spitting image of Joe. Then he morphed between the both of us for the next four months. For his final four months of the year he was all me! But it's changing again! When I saw Joe's first birthday pictures I realized that now that Logan's over a year old he's looking more like Joe again. Here are some random pictures of Logan last week compared with Joe's first birthday photos:

Look at their expressions! Joe:
Logan:
Joe:
Logan:
Joe:
Logan:

Here is a summary from my blogs about Logan's first year!

0-1 MONTHS (April 18-May 18):

Logan was born on Friday, April 18, 2008 at 10:30 AM, weighing 7 lbs, 13.7 oz, and 20.5 inches long. (25th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height.) We came home from the hospital on Sunday, April 20.

Logan's first pediatrician appointment was on Monday, April 21 where he weighed 6 lbs, 15 oz and was found to have a high jaundice level of 21. So, we spent the night at Children's Hospital so Logan could be in an incubator under phototherapy lights and on IV fluids.

The next day, Tuesday, April 22, his weight had risen to 7 lbs, 2 oz and his jaundice level had gone down to 15.4, so he was released with a fiberoptic blanket.

On Wednesday, April 23 his weight was 7 lbs, 3 oz but his jaundice score was up to 17.3. After being unresponsive the entire day (he never awoke to eat in 24 hrs), we were told to go the ER. Thankfully, his level had gone down to 16.7 - however, the next day, Thursday, April 24, it was back up to 17.5. His weight had dropped again and I was told that I must stop breastfeeding and instead supplement formula because he had "breastmilk jaundice" which meant breastfeeding was making it worse (and jaundice will cause brain damage if not treated). It worked. On Friday, April 25 his level dropped all of the way down to 14.4 and his weight went up to 7 lbs, 5 oz.

On Saturday, April 26 his jaundice score was 11.9 and his weight 7 lbs, 9 oz. We were told to continue the formula and fiberoptic blanket until Monday, April 28. By then Logan was fully recovered from jaundice and his weight was 7 lbs, 11.25 oz, so I resumed breastfeeding. It was slow and much harder than it had been prior to the formula (plus, my milk supply was incredibly low so I had to take More Milk Plus, an herbal supplement). I bought an electric breastpump and I pumped and nursed around the clock. For nine months it was the most exhuasting and difficult experience of my life, but worth it!

The good news was I was recovered from childbirth by day three as far as no pain or discomfort, stopped bleeding by the end of the week, and could fit into all my clothes/had my old body back by two weeks post partum.

Our parents had visited us in the hospital the day Logan was born, but Joe's mom stayed at our house with us April 27-April 30 and my mom & stepdad stayed May 7-May 9 to help out.

Prior to having a baby I had worried about post partum depression. I had the opposite -- I'd never been on such a high in my life! Unlike the stereotype of the first month being the hardest, I found it to be surprisingly easy & natural. I kept telling everyone that having a baby was easier than when we got Bella, our first dog. With her we had actually gotten up during the night for at least an hour for the first two months, but with Logan there were only five nights during his entire first year that we were up with him for more than five minutes after the age of two weeks old. He didn't start sleeping five hours no interruptions until six weeks old (which is good "sleeping thru the night" for breastfed babies that age), but since all he wanted was a five-minute snack, the only time we were sleep-deprived was the first two weeks when he had his days & nights mixed up.

Night or day, Logan hardly ever cried (only when he was hungry, so his cries always stopped immediately with milk). He was content doing nothing but eating & sleeping all day. He was very predictable and peaceful. . .I was in pure heaven. . .I thought I'd found my niche!

He finished the month at 9-10 lbs.

1-2 MONTHS (May 18-June 18):

We were still in the honeymoon phase! Logan rolled from front to back on two occasions at four weeks old (because he didn't like tummy time). At six weeks old he began smiling every time we smiled at him, as well as we could make him laugh, he could hold his head up indefinitely while lying on his tummy, and he watched faces. He also frequently said what sounded like "hi!" Also, at six weeks old he kicked a box of wipes across the room and could stand on our laps while we held his arms. That had been the first trait I'd learned when I was pregnant: that he was physically strong! Even as a newborn the nurses & doctors were impressed with how he could fight anyone who tried to hold him down - so he hated diaper time and bath time until two months old.

The second thing we had learned about Logan was that he had a healthy set of lungs! He was the loudest in the nursery and has always been quick to lose his temper, but has always gotten over it incredibly fast. He'll go from the loudest scream to smiling and laughing in one second. Thankfully, we learned after his first week that 99% of the time he is easy-going and happy, so we've had very few experiences with the fighting screamer.

By two months old he was cooing. Sadly, we learned at his two-month check up that Logan had a brachial cleft fistula in his neck and would need surgery.

Breastfeeding began to get a little easier for me, so I didn't have to pump as often (but Logan was still eating every two hours during the day which he did until a year old!)

Logan finished the month at 13 lbs, 6.5 oz. (90th percentile)

2-3 MONTHS (June 18-July 18):

As Logan left the newborn phase and began to show his personality, our days together became the most fun of my life! He was constantly smiling and happy - it was very rewarding. I was shocked to feel that my life was the least stressful that it had ever been in all my years!

Logan began to enjoy tummy time and could scoot (move with his limbs straight out). His black eyes turned brown and we could tell they were mine :)

During his first year we were lucky to not have had any problems with colicky behavior, acid reflux, skin issues (his only diaper rash prior to his only intolerance at 11 months old was during his first three days from the hospital diapers), sensitivities, gas, or any of the very common other newborn issues. I wanted the month of July especially to just freeze in time. . .I didn't think it could get any better.

Logan began following moving objects, playing with hands & feet, making high-pitched squeals, and picked up objects to put in his mouth. He still slept a lot during the day and now had 8 hour-no-interruptions-nights. He continued to have a low-maintenance personality.

He finished the month at 15 lbs. (90th percentile)

3-4 MONTHS (July 18-August 18):

Logan had his first fussy days (meaning, he'd never cried for over five minutes before, but that month had several where his cries lasted a full hour), so I had my first hard days - i.e. the honeymoon phase ended and I felt like I needed my first break, but aside from a couple of weeks, the rest of the days that month were easy and he never cried that long again for the rest of his first year. He had begun to teethe so that may have been why, also he didn't poop for the first time (until then he'd still had 8 poopy diapers each day, but went four days without one and since then has had one a day). He also began fighting his naps - two days that month he didn't take any at all and then after that only wanted to take three a day (which is average for that age; I found out later that until then he'd slept more than the average baby his age during the day, probably a leftover habit from the jaundice). On the bright side, that meant 12-hours-no-interruptions for his nights now.

Breastfeeding got hard for me again (my milk supply went down just as Logan had a growth spurt) so I was pumping and nursing constantly again and went on fenugreek (another herbal supplement).

Logan no longer took his pacifier. He's always been surprisingly independent/naturally secure. Although always affectionate, he was never one for long-holding or babywearing or co-sleeping - not even with a blanket or stuffed animal. He's tended to be a self-weaner with everything, and never hard to get to sleep; aside from one week during his fifth month when it took 20 min. after I stopped letting him take naps in his carseat (which he had often done until then), otherwise we could always just place him in his crib for naps or at night without any rocking or routine, and he'd go immediately to sleep on his own (no crying which is good because we are against the crying it out method)!

He finally had a consistant schedule to each day. (I never forced him against his natural instincts his entire first year.)

He finished the month at 17 lbs 1/4 oz. (90th percentile)

4-5 MONTHS (August 18-September 18):

It was a great month for the both of us. Major milestones began to occur! Logan stood holding onto a table on his own on August 24, sat unassisted on August 28, and rolled over both ways on August 31. He could also hold his own bottle.

I had my first virus (a cold) since Logan's birth that lasted a week, but still none for Logan - healthy boy! Breastfeeding was the easiest it had ever been - I went the entire month without pumping.

Logan finished the month at 19 lbs. (90th percentile)

5-6 MONTHS (September 18-October 18):

Logan began showing a need for stimulation. For example, he stopped sleeping in public - he wanted to be involved in whatever action was going on. He was still playing well with his toys by himself, though.

We fed him his first organic rice cereal on September 20th. It was another good month (no fussy days) except that Logan began waking up twice a night for two minutes each time. As soon as I'd nurse him he'd go right back to sleep; I learned this is common when babies are fed solids for the first time. Also, with his new "trick" from last month of rolling over, he was getting caught in his crib bars! (There was an entire week where he didn't take naps, either.)

My hormones returned to normal on October 1st.

Logan began eating veggies and fruits on October 10.

He finished the month at 20 lbs, 6.25 oz. (90th percentile).

6-7 MONTHS (October 18-November 18):

My second time for feeling I needed a break. But the pictures from that month are the most special to me because it was such a transitional month. Logan truly became my little buddy! He went from living the life of a baby to suddenly having a mind of his own which meant several fussy days! Until then he'd been 100% content on his own. He'd eaten, he'd slept, he'd spent time in his bouncer, pack n play, swing, and play gym - but had never needed much from me. During month six, that all changed, he began to get bored and no longer played by himself the rest of his first year.

It was hard for me to adjust to my life being different for the first time (unlike what people had said when he was born, my life really didn't change - he was just "an addition" - until six months old). He began needing less sleep (traded his three naps for two). I had to put forth a lot more energy towards entertaining him the hours when he was awake, which made less time for myself or anything else. I had always taken motherhood day-by-day, just gone with the flow and not really had a set way of doing things. Until then I had felt in control and able to handle anything. During his sixth month I felt how I would have expected myself when he was first born: clueless! Being a stay at home mom was no longer "easy," (and Logan was no longer mellow - he's been the energizer bunny ever since!) so I understood why it's considered the hardest job in the world - however, I still enjoyed being a SAHM and felt very lucky to be able to have the most important profession on earth! Logan responded positively to me more than ever, and I had never felt so close to a human being!

His first two teeth (the bottom front) popped up with no fussiness on October 28. A couple of weeks before the teeth, however, he had resisted nursing (as well as bottles so we had to feed him pumped milk through a dropper and give him Tylenol for the first time) for two days and so I began pumping regularly again and had another "issue" so I thought I might quit breastfeeding altogether, but I perservered (and pumped the most I ever would in one sitting: 15 oz)!

We gave him a sippy cup but he didn't like it; he did fine with the regular cup, though.

Logan finished the month at 21.5 lbs. (90th percentile)

7-8 MONTHS (November 18-December 18):

I was still getting the hang of my new life with my new little man now that he had wants (not just needs). He tried baby food meat for the first time and hated it, and continued to be a vegetarian the rest of his first year.

He began crawling which added more anxiety for me because he was into everything (in a dangerous way) so we had to childproof our house.

He traveled for the first time to somewhere other than Iowa, as we spent Thanksgiving in Colorado. He'd never fussed in the car before then, but it took an entire month after that for him to go back to enjoying long car rides. It stopped again around 11 months old as far as anything over a half an hour unless I sing. :p In Colorado, he was Mr. Adrenaline (not taking naps, not eating, and waking up almost every hour during the night). Thankfully, he returned to his normal pattern as soon as we came home. (But continues to be a social butterfly whenever we are spending the night at someone else's house.)

He stopped getting his legs caught in the crib but instead began wetting the bed through his diapers.

His third tooth (right top canine) came in.

He finished the month at 22 lbs. (90th percentile)

8-9 MONTHS (December 18-January 18):

It was an excellent, easy month - I felt adjusted again and like I had a handle on motherhood again. Plus, Logan was fuss-free! (Christmas helped because he had enough new toys to keep him from being bored.) Logan even did well with his first virus (a cold & ear infection) that lasted a couple of weeks. The only hard day was when he had the CT scan for his brachial cleft fistula. It was tough to see him get pricked for the IV (they couldn't find a vein and then when they did, it blew), but he was a trooper and back to normal the next day.

Thanks to goodnight diapers and pull-ups, he stopped wetting the bed.

It was so much fun to start seeing the world through a child's eyes, as his life became about exploring, discovering, and learning.

He finished the month at 22 lbs, 2 oz. (75th percentile)

9-10 MONTHS (January 18-February 18):

Logan was walking (running) along furniture, zooming up the steps, trying to climb anything, and he weaned himself from breastfeeding which put an end to him waking up for those two minutes two times a night which he'd started at five months old. There were several fussy days, though (he had his first moment of separation anxiety, but his second didn't come until two months later and it was never severe), and teeth #4, #5, and #6 came in (the top front two and the left canine). . .also, I had my second virus since Logan was born.

Logan had his first adult food, but baby food & formula continued to be his main diet.

He finished the month at 23.5 lbs. (90th percentile)

10-11 MONTHS (February 18-March 18):

Logan had his second virus (another cold, it lasted a week) and surgery for his brachial cleft fistula. Thankfully it went smoothly & flawlessly and we were able to leave two hours after the procedure. Logan immediately returned to his active lifestyle and never showed any pain, discomfort, or memory of the surgery. Also exciting that month was he began walking unassisted!!!

Logan changed from taking two naps a day to just one nap. It was a great month for Logan behavior-wise, but an exhausted month for me as I felt my third need for a break. I realized that never having time away all year was getting to me. Although I didn't want to stop being a stay at home mom, I was feeling burnt out. So, Logan spent his first weekend away from us, at my mom & stepdad's house. He was an angel for them and didn't care that we weren't around.

He finished the month at 24 lbs. (75th percentile)

11-12 MONTHS (March 18-April 18):

Logan started going to his first babysitter (two mornings, or 8 hrs a week). It was a perfect fit for us. Logan was able to play with other kids and toys on a regular basis and I was able to start taking care of myself again. I hadn't thought anything would compare with July or January, but March was our best/my favorite month of the entire year - even though he caught his third virus (another cold, but it only lasted 36 hrs).

Logan weaned himself from all bottles & baby food (began feeding himself finger food and drinking from a straw cup--even though he can do a sippy cup now, straw cups are healthier). He could mimick/follow instruction and understand us when we talked, but not speak himself yet (although he babbled frequently and said all of the "fake words" from his age-group). Although I tried to teach him sign language starting at 9 months old, he showed no interest; instead he began his own signing at a year old that made it easier to communicate with him.

Every now & then he has started throwing healthy, very short temper tantrums (his first was at 9.5 months old but then not again until 12 months), but he's never cried or been hard in public yet (knock on wood) and is very sweet, fun, and well-behaved. His babysitter says he's still low-maintenance.

Overall, we had more easy months (April, May, June, July, September, December, January, and March) than hard months (August, October, November, February). All were special & memorable. I appreciated each day and didn't take one minute for granted!

Logan loves the outdoors, cars, trucks, and dogs. He is a morning person (we have to force him to stay up until 8 pm and his favorite time to wake up is 6:30 am), he is charming, very active, loves to wrestle, and has a kind, gentle soul. He gives kisses and hugs, has always been very perceptive of others and is still as happy as he was last summer. He likes to do things on his own and so far they've come easily for him (he doesn't get frustrated very often). Our personalities match very well, I hope that he and I will always get along and be close! :)

P.S. By his pediatrician check-up he had seven teeth (his bottom right next to the bottom front two came in) and weighed 23 lbs, 7.5 oz and was 30.5 inches tall (50th percentile for weight & 75th percentile for height)!

What wonderful awards from Mom's Special Diary!!!!


The first is the Creative Mom Blogger Award. I am honored that she included me on this list, as she made this award herself! Click on the link to get the html code. Great job, Jacris! She will be celebrating her one year anniversary with her blog on July 11, 2009. What a coincidence, I started this blog on July 12 last year!

~Begin Copy~

Here's the simple rules:
♥ Take your award and put the logo on your post.
♥Link the person who awarded you.Remember each recipient of the award should acknowledge the person who honored them and go to Mom's Special Diary to copy and paste the award.
♥Put your own blog title and link.
♥Nominate at least five deserving moms.

1.Mom's Special Diary 2.Me 3.Your Next

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She also tagged me with the Your Blog Makes Us Smile Award!
It made me smile to receive this award and now I would like to pass both of these awards to my five most recent commenters (not including those who were given awards in yesterday's post): Small Town Mommy, Baby's Gone Mobile, Kristie's Notes, A Fil-Am Journey and My Random Day. You all have terrific blogs! :)

Thank you so much Chris, from The Mommy Journey!!!
Why Blog? Because when I don't, everything gets jumbled in my head - I need a place to let it all out. Whether that's just my day-to-day activities, or info I learn, or emotions I'm going through - blogging is very therapeutic, but it's better than a diary/journal because you get feedback from others. I've loved all of the blog friends I've made - it's nice to be around people who share similar views when it comes to motherhood. Just as, it's good to read other perspectives as well.Thank you also to Mommy Jac from Mom's Special Diary for the Plagiarism Tag & Treasured Friends Award. You are definitely a treasured friend!As she said, "Copying others work is Plagiarism Read More. Plagiarism is using someone else's words or ideas and passing them off as their own, without giving the original person a credit."

I am tagging treasured friends who have given me an award or tag at a previous time: Gin from e-Pamilya, Cascia from Healthy Moms, Ane from Life According To Me, Christy from At The Creek, and Shydub from Simple Happy Life! Also, Chris and Mommy Jac if you haven't already done the one that wasn't yours on this post. Thanks again!!!!

This was originally on Sunday, May 10, 2009:

I haven't had a chance to write our full update yet since Logan's birthday two weeks ago because I have been wiped out! In my last post I mentioned that Logan didn't go to Babysitter's the week we returned from Iowa (where he goes 2 mornings or 8 hrs per week) - well, he didn't go the week after either because several kids came down with the flu, so we waited until this past week for him to return. (I was so glad he'd been in Iowa the week before because you know what they say - you usually get sick a week AFTER you've been exposed, so we picked the best two weeks for him not to go.)

Thankfully, having gone 19 days since his last time at Babysitter's didn't seem to affect him. She said both days he got cranky around 10:30 but it passed around 11. That I think would have happened at home, too, because he decided both of those days to get up at 5:30 am! Yes, that's right, and I thought 6:30 am was bad! (Like I said in my Birthday Boy post, he's been getting up at 6:30 again rather than the 8 am that he had been doing for awhile.)

It felt like de ja vu because other than the week we began feeding him rice cereal when he was five months old (Feeding Solids Won't Make Your Baby Sleep Better), being up for good prior to 6:30 am had never happened in his almost 13 months of life. We tried making him stay up later the nights before but that didn't work. So I figured it was the change in his eating again (this time from baby food & formula to all adult food and cow's milk). I noticed that he eats the majority in the morning & afternoon so I thought he might be waking up early because he was hungry. So now he's grazing all day & evening (back to eating every two hours rather than the standard three meals and two snacks a day), but it's working better (knock on wood he's been sleeping 8 pm to 6:30 am since then and takes a 3 hr nap in the afternoon). I know grazing is healthier for our bodies anyway, we're all supposed to do that, and we have years before he's in school and has to change so I'm fine with it.

Anyway, I noticed the difference with him not going to Babysitter's; this past week that he did go didn't seem like enough of a break for me because he's more active than ever! It's "my time of the month" so I feel like just lying on the couch doing nothing, but of course I can't with a one-year-old. :p At least he's been well-behaved (no more temper tantrums since my Terrible One's? post two weeks ago) - I'm thankful for that!

So, even though in my post Stay At Home Moms (and dads) Rock, I said I could never do more than 8 hrs a week after I tried 12 hrs the week of April 6, next week he's going to have to go to Babysitter's three half-days (so 12 total hrs) again because my brother is flying here from California and I have to take him halfway to Des Moines. I love my 2001 Ford Focus, but now with a baby both Joe and I could really use a bigger vehicle. Maybe next year. . .

Anyway, I'm still confident that 8 hrs a week is the best break amount for Logan & me, but I've come to accept that "one week each month" it's going to have to be 12 hrs. When I picked Logan up last Thursday he was playing outside with Matthew & Joshua and seemed like he was having so much fun sitting & running around in the grass. I wished I'd had my camera, it was so cute!

This was originally written on Tuesday, April 28, 2009:

At Logan's 12-month check up he came in at 23 lbs and 7.5 oz (so I guess still not quite back to his 24 lbs that he was last month before he weaned himself from bottles - but it could also be that he runs now. Seriously, we can go to the store now together and he walks easily down the aisle! It's so much better than carrying him)! This means he's now in the 50th percentile for his weight (completely average) for the first time since he was two weeks old (ever since then he'd always been in either the 75th or 90th). His height was 30.5 inches and his head 18.5 in. His height dropped from the 90th percentile to the 75th (he's varied between the two ever since he was born). His head has finally caught up to his body -- it's now in the 75th percentile! (He was born with it in the 10th percentile and it took until 9 months old to get to the 50th percentile.)

The appointment went well. Our pediatrician said all of the same things that I had posted in my previous blog as far as the changes to make this month, except that he recommends 2% milk and not whole milk (because of children having cholesterol problems these days). So it's a good thing we only bought a half gallon of the whole milk because it looks like we'll finish it up tomorrow.

Also, just like the What to Expect book, our pediatrician doesn't encourage the sippy cup. He is like the book that if a one year old can drink out of a regular cup then that is what they should use so that there isn't another weaning process - he was glad to hear we're doing the straw cup. (Straw Cups-The Better Alternative To Sippy Cups and Straw Cups, Not Sippy Cups) Logan has been drinking 4 oz of water every day out of a regular cup and then an 8 oz straw cup of milk during the early afternoon and an 8 oz straw cup of milk in the evening. Then, three meals and two snacks throughout the day. He hasn't batted an eye at the new eating schedule. Our pediatrician said not to expect him to eat a perfect balanced diet, but knock on wood he is, so far. It's helping me to eat a more balanced diet as well! This is good because what I was afraid of happened -- I'm now up 15 lbs. since I stopped breastfeeding three months ago which puts me at exactly the same weight I was the second semester of my freshman year of college and also spring of 2007 when I weighed the most I ever have not-pregnant. I refuse to weigh any more than this so I'm getting serious now!!!

But to finish today's post -- the other thing that I was glad to hear yesterday is when our pediatrician asked if I am getting a break during the week and taking Logan somewhere to play with kids. I was like, "Yes, just last month we found a babysitter for 8 hrs a week." His face brightened and he said, "Excellent!" Because that is standard for what he suggests to stay at home moms at this 12 month appt. Remember when I said in a previous post that I wished I could find research on whether this would be more positive or negative overall in the long run for Logan? Doc answered that for me. At least, based on his many years of experience, he has no doubt that stay at home mothers and their children are healthier when both have a short break from each other.  I should have had this plan all along rather than think pre-school would be Logan & my first consistant days apart.

I didn't take him to Babysitter's today, though, because when I stayed the second half of the week with Logan at my parents' house last week he became clingy and needy towards me for the first time in his life. It was apparent that he thought I was going to leave him at any second because he's not used to being there with me. He was perfect for them the three days that I wasn't there, as well as when I would sneak away -- but as soon as I came back into his view he would need me to hold him every second and then if I tried to put him down so that I could wash my hands or go to the bathroom he would scream & cry!

The first night we could not get him to sleep and so he actually had to sleep in my bed. But then I was never able to sleep well (although I support it for other people that it works for, I'm glad my son has never wanted to co-sleep because then I'd never sleep)! There have only been two other times that we've co-slept -- the first time was over Thanksgiving in Colorado when he was 7 months old and the second was over Christmas at Joe's mom's house at 8 months old. But both of those times Joe was in the bed, too, so I didn't have to worry as much about Logan rolling off or me rolling on him. Needless to say, I was glad that the next two nights he slept again in the pack n play. But there was even a night here at our house recently that I had to get into his crib(!) and lay next to him because he didn't want me to leave his side (a total first, as here he has never wanted to sleep with us -- our presence makes him awake & active, whereas he has always gone right to sleep in his crib alone). As soon as I would get up he'd wake back up and cry. Finally, after a couple of hours he went back to his normal self and has been going to sleep alone easily on his own for naps and bedtime since.

It also could be that his 7th tooth finally popped up, which may also explain why until the week before his birthday he'd thrown less than a handful of temper tantrums in his life but that week it was whenever I went into the kitchen (on the other side of the baby gate) -- so several times a day! Our pediatrician said that this will start to be common behavior now because "the terrible twos" actually start during age one. So, unlike in his first year of life when I always immediately rushed to his side when he cried, this is when I do the opposite for a full minute ("time out" is the amount of time that matches their age) when he's having a temper tantrum. Because clearly during those times nothing is wrong and it's very obvious he's just trying to see if I will do what he wants -- but, unlike during the first year when it isn't necessary (or healthy) to teach him "who is boss," now begins this "learning experience."

So maybe his sudden neediness last week also just has to do with his age, but as I said when I first took him to Babysitter's, if I ever noticed him acting insecure then I would help him to get secure again. So we won't plan any weekends apart for a couple of months and, in the meantime, I gave him 100% on Sunday, Monday, and today. It worked -- he seems happy, content, and secure again!

This was originally written on Sunday, April 26, 2009:

Yesterday was already one week since Logan turned one year old! Sarah left this morning. . .so now that we're home from Iowa I washed all of Logan's bottles/nipples and put them away today!

The straw cups are AWESOME -- they did indeed work!!!! I wasn't able to buy one immediately after my post, Straw Cups - The Better Alternative To Sippy Cups, and so Logan ended up going from 24 lbs to 21.5 pounds all within the same week because he weaned himself from his final bottle. So after a couple of days Joe forced him back on the bottles which I had mixed feelings about -- shouldn't we follow Logan's natural cues since one year olds are supposed to stop bottles anyway? But losing almost 3 pounds in a week for a one year old was a lot! Since he refused the sippy cup it was not worth getting dehydrated over, so he continued the bottles while at my parents' house. Fortunately, immediately after we bought the straw cups he gained the weight back. So now we can honor what Logan already wanted 3 weeks ago: no more bottles.

I did more research about the straw cup and it sounds like they will be replacing all "normal" sippy cups in the near future. I am amazed that this info is just now being heard (but it makes sense that it'd take 23 yrs for studies to prove the effects). Most people still don't know (I didn't until a couple of weeks ago) so I'm glad I can help spread the word through my blog (you can read the above link I gave to find out why straw cups are the better alternative to sippy cups).

The sippy cup was invented in 1986 by a man named Richard Belanger, who licensed the design to Playtex. Prior to that, babies had a cup with a lid similar to when you buy coffee from a drive thru (it had a little hole, I actually remember mine). However, because of now proven links to speech problems and teeth problems, as well as many moms find it hard to wean their child from sippy cups (but we use straws for life), the straw cup was invented. Nearly every mother finds this to be easier for their child anyway. (They usually get it on their first try, whereas sippy cups can take months.) The kind we bought has a lid that slides over the straw so that Logan can carry it around without spilling. He loves it -- and I love it because I know I'm doing the healthier option.

Now he has no trouble getting the 16 oz of milk that he should have each day until two years old (he was on goat's milk all of last week at my mom's; today he started cow's whole milk). He also had orange juice for the first time and hasn't shown any reaction to the citrus like he did when he had oranges for the first time last month, so hopefully he's over that. I've only fed him juice two other days in his life (the first time was apple until I learned that is actually the hardest on babies' stomachs and so the second was white grape which is the easiest on babies' stomachs) because from what I read juice is not normally necessary for this age group. On the rare days that he will have it, he shouldn't have more than 4 oz. in a 24 hr period. (Same thing for water - 4 oz. a day is all that is necessary, but that he should have every day.)

Every day for breakfast he should continue to have iron-fortified cereal or oatmeal, as well as a lunch, dinner, and two nutritious snacks. That food should be fruit, veggies, healthy grains, lean meat, and low-fat dairy -- all minimally processed. Only one or two oz. of meat per day is adequate. He hasn't had eggs yet because they are not recommended for babies under a year, but when he does start he shouldn't have more than 3 a week. We have his 12-month check up tomorrow so I'll let you know if our pediatrician has anything to add.I'll write the rest of our update whenever I get the chance, but for today I wanted to mention that my last of my three friends due to have a baby in April, Brooke, had her daughter 6 days late on Friday, April 24, 2009 at 12:01 AM!!!! Kaelyn Jean weighed 8lbs-6oz and was 21 inches. Brooke e-mailed me two days prior and said that she'd gone to her appt. the previous day and was 5 cm dilated! Her doctor had set up an induction for Monday, April 27th (8 days after her due date) but she was hoping to go into labor naturally before then. She did (and had a natural labor as well). Contractions started throughout the day on Thursday and she went to the hospital after work. They broke her water at 8:30 PM and she was fully dilated three hours later! Her mom had a 4 hr labor with her first and 2 hr labor with her second, so genetics were on her side. Congratulations, Brooke & Sean!

UPDATE: There is a news article about the April Rose scam here: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2009/06/11/20090611BabyScam.html

ANOTHER UPDATE: I've now seen pictures of Beccah and it does not appear that she and Cynthiaa are the same person. However, since I wrote this post I have been notified that there have been numerous websites started devoted to Cynthiaa's lies (it's such a relief to have my suspicions from the past four months verified!) and it seems she has a track record of copying other people's blogs, so that explains the similarities to Beccah's blog. According to others, she was a regular reader of Beccah's blog and jealous of her attention so she probably thought if she copied many things she'd get the same results. "C" or Cynthiaa is really Cynthia Parker from CT and I do believe she will scam again. (Families of Prisoners)
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I am sickened that there are people out there who would make up fictious blogs in order to gain sympathy and donations. It is an insult to all of the families who have truly lost children.

I knew it was a possibility when I started reading blogs - that people might not be who they said they were. But I am shocked that there have been two very recently amongst my blogging circle.

The first blog, Confessions Of A Yummy Mommy, some of you might have gone to last year and/or the early part of this year. Her name was Cynthiaa and she lost a baby boy named Aiden just days before he was due because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. When I went to her blog for the first time in February 2009, I was stunned not to feel what I normally do when reading those kind of stories. Usually I have to grab a box of Kleenex, I ball my eyes out, and their story comes back to my mind later.

Her particular story, however, did not give me that reaction. I felt embarrassed for feeling so ambivilant, so I read every single one of her blogs in order. Yep, all of them. I was just hoping for something. Instead, it became clear why I'd reacted like that. . .there were several suspicious posts. By that I mean that I had a hard time believing numerous things she said and there was nothing to prove me wrong (which is what I wanted because I did not want to believe that someone would lie about losing a baby). I kept my suspicions to myself because I couldn't prove my side, either. It was just my gut instinct.

A couple of weeks later, though, I checked her blog again. It was gone. That made my radar go up even more. Yes, I know that people delete their blogs all of the time, it's not a crime. But she didn't give any warning or leave an explanation. She was gaining a ton of readers who were encouraging to her and offering their support. Why would she abruptly leave without saying goodbye?

Unless I was right. I googled her but since I didn't have any personal info, all I could find was another blog who had posted her story for prayers. I contacted the blog author and asked if she had any information on Cynthiaa. She was surprised by my allegations but it prompted her to do her own research and she discovered that Cynthiaa had a new blog. After lurking off & on the past 2.5 months, we both came to the conclusion that she was definitely a fraud.

As I'd read her new blog, (originally titled Polka Dots & Pansies and then Dancing In The Rain), never saying anything to her, I saw that I wasn't the only one who didn't believe her. She wrote numerous posts trying to defend herself to others (but was not very convincing). She even commented once that some of the people knew her personally. Well if they knew her and didn't believe her then I'd be willing to be on their side! I didn't know whether she had a mental illness (and no life) and so her lies became her truth that she lived every day - or if she was deliberately trying to scam people (she had welcomed donations). Either way, it wasn't right - she still had a ton of followers who were buying her story hook, line, and sinker. How is someone like that stopped? If exposed, all she'd have to do is delete her blog and start another with a new identity and story.

Well a week ago I checked her new blog and it's gone now, too. This time I wasn't going to try to find out where she went. . .I've already wasted enough time - so that was that.

But yesterday (Wednesday) I went to a real blog (the wife of a singer whose band I used to play on the radio station where I worked from 2003-2006) and was horrified to read what she posted Tuesday: another blog that has been going around about a baby named April Rose is also a fraud!  (As of Tuesday the April Rose blog is no longer online but the URL was http://www.littleoneapril.blogspot.com - you might recognize the button:This one came as a complete shock to me. I only went to the site once - according to my computer's history I discovered it two weeks ago. That night I read several posts by the author (Beccah) and I believed it to be real. I have copied and pasted Beccah's first post (thanks to it still showing up cached) at the end of this post.

****WOAH - I have shivers right now. I just read a whole bunch of Beccah's cached posts on different search engines and this is TOO WEIRD - there are very strange (as in way too coincidental) similarities to Cynthiaa's blog. I am suddenly wondering if they were the same person??!! Not only is the way they write the same (you know like when you pick up a book by your favorite author you can tell without looking that he/she wrote it?), but what they chose to write about was the same, and they wrote their posts in the same sequence/pattern if that makes any sense. (Like, they both put prayer requests at the end of each post. They both claimed to be Christians and used scripture in the middle. They both talked about fashion and selling their stuff online. They both had interviews with themselves - seriously). But what creeped me out the most was that a few of their posts were nearly identical! I was just now reading Beccah's May posts and had de ja vu because exact sentences I know I read on Cynthiaa's blog. I wish I would have saved some of Cynthiaa's posts, or had contacted both of them then maybe I could have seen if they had the same IP addresses. I do have pictures, though, that Cynthiaa posted that show Illinois license plates which is where Beccah lives!!!****

Even though fictious blogging isn't a crime (yet), stealing money is. If that's what Cynthiaa and Beccah did (by the way, Cynthiaa called herself C and Beccah called herself B) -- they should be prosecuted.

It's sad that someone could be so cruel as to steal situations that really happen to people - situations that cause so much heartache - and use it for what. . .entertainment???

So beware. Cynthiaa has been successful. She (or someone like her) will show up again.

Here was Beccah's first post:

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
like a scarlet letter
So, I gave up. I was trying to fashion a little "about me" section but after my 5th or 6th re-write, I concluded that I could not possibly get all of the "about me" info. into one neat little paragraph. So, I guess here goes; my first blog post...
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Let's just say my name is "B" (yes, a little anonymity in this world-wide web, at least to start!). I am 25 years old and while I closely follow way too many blogs for my own good, I always said I would never myself blog. Oh, how times change!
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Now, let's just get it out there... I am pregnant, and yes, unmarried. I know, I know. No, really, believe me, I do. I don't mean that, like, "I am pregnant and have no shame." - While I am, I do (have shame that is), and it has been a struggle, to put it mildly. I am just not sure it is the appropriate response to continually beat yourself up over something you did, regret, have asked and received forgiveness from, etc. Trust me, I have had enough people on the outside "beating me up" (figuratively, of course).
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Early on (and, well, come to think of it, even not so early on) I heard it all... You know, how my baby was a "mistake," my pregnancy "my fault" (as if it was a curse), and so on... Eh.
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To say the least, I know a thing or two about what people think. I also have/and am continuing to learn that people's judgments aren't fair, or right. I don't believe any child is a curse, regardless of the circumstances regarding conception, nor do I think that others should constantly weigh in on the unmarried gal/couple's decision regarding what to do. I can't begin to tell you how many people "weighing" in believed abortion was "the answer." Ironically, how many fellow Christians (but that is a whole other post). I am a total sinner (obviously!) but, I am a Christian. - Unmarried? Pregnant? A Christian? you ask? Why yes, I am...
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I think the "being a Christian" element has been the most interesting. I went to a Christian grade school, Christian college, and on and on. I know the "answers." I know the "right" and "wrong," and I have believed/been a Christian for years. I won't get into it all, but I have definitely had the hardest year of my life; all downs, few ups, and my faith has been challenged daily, and clearly, I have failed.
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Most recently, I have been and still am wearing my sexual sin like a scarlet letter for all to see, which has been such an interesting thing, in itself, since we don't usually have to live life that way, day in and day out. People judge. They do. And there isn't anything I can say about that, but I can't relay how much time I have spent these past several months looking for a safe place for my broken self to find forgiveness. - And no, not from God, He forgave me months ago, but from my friends. The irony is that we all sin; my mistakes are just obvious right now, where others just remain secrets. Kinda makes me wonder if we would all be so judgmental if we were all forced to wear our sins in such an obvious fashion? But again, that is a whole other post, for another time (I know, you can hardly wait, right?).
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Anyways, back to my immediate life... What could be more complicated than being a single, pregnant Christian? Well, just to cut right to it - A few months ago my little girl was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and Holoprosencephaly. For the last few months, the Dr.'s have been pushing termination and have told me that my baby girl April will not live. I am not sure how even if that is true (her not making it down the road), is reason for terminating her life. She is here - heart beating, legs kicking, living, right now.
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I heard of a Trisomy diagnosis for the first time last year, and knowing about it distantly was close enough for me. I never could have forseen myself getting so acquainted with a similar reality just months later. And Holoprosencephaly? - I had never even heard of that and certainly was not prepared for this hands on lesson, but I wasn't given a choice either.
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I will be 33 weeks along tomorrow. The Dr.'s are surprised that my girl, April, has not already died inutero and he is constantly reminding me to monitor her movements. The things I have heard the last few months regarding her diagnosis and prognosis, are things no parent should ever have to hear, and any attempt to express what it is like, in mere words, is lacking.
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So here I sit this afternoon starting a blog... Don't ask me why; I actually don't know. I am not even sure all of what this blog will become, but I am going to try and document these days - The thoughts, the tears, the questions, maybe even the miracles. For now, I am just here, trying to breathe, knowing God has the final word, not Dr.'s. And with each kick I am reminded that life, (the sickest, the healthiest, the shortest, the longest) is always a blessing; never a curse. God does not punish people with babies (sorry, Mr. President, you got that wrong).

April Rose's mom

P.S. The P.O. Box that she posted on her page was:
April Rose
P.O. Box #924
Oak Lawn, Illinois 60454