Moncur Family

We went to the Pumpkin Walk this year. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do in the Fall. The highlight of the night for the kids was riding the shuttle bus from the hospital parking lot. I'm serious, we could have just hopped on the LTD and rode around for the night and stayed out of the cold. Here are some pictures. The Angry Birds display was my favorite. Some people are so dang creative!

Early this morning as I was blog-stalking I came across a link to this blog: Clover Lane. I read back a few posts because this mom is smart, funny, and real. I came to a post that about knocked me over because it was so perfectly how I feel sometimes. I just read the whole thing nodding my head, so I'm quoting some parts for you all:

"One of the things I have had to accept is my need for a quiet, focused family life. I tried for years and years to create balance with work, obligations, and family. I tried for years to keep up with the pace I see many mothers handle. I would hear about "juggling" many things at once, and would wonder, "Why am I such a terribly awful juggler?" I would attempt again and again to keep plates in the air, I would compare myself to others who seemed to do a wonderful job at it, I would be envious at their juggling skills, and time and time again, I would fail. Fail meant exhaustion, fail meant guilt at what I felt was unfocused attention to my family, fail meant a general feeling of malaise at what I felt was a half-way job at everything I was trying to accomplish, fail meant a jumbled brain that never felt peace. After several attempts I decided that all this juggling just wasn't for me. I had some hard moments that were little wake up calls..."

"...Children have little or no say in the way we set up their lives for them, and in the pace we set for them, and in the way these things affect how we react to them. What children really want, I think, is a calm, settled, predictable home life. A mother who is not frazzled, angry, stressed, or impatient. A mother who is in tune to their needs. Parents who aren't arguing because they both are occupied and don't have time to communicate properly. I began to realize that being a Daisy Scout mother was far less important than being a nice mother. I began to realize that joining a travel sports team that had us missing dinner every night and separated on the weekends, was giving far less an advantage to our son than spending time with his parents and siblings. I began to realize that bringing in a little extra income wasn't worth the amount of stress it brought to all of our lives.

I had so many other experiences like this, as I tried something new, and realized that once again, it wasn't working. I knew what I wanted more than anything was less "gasket blowing" days, and more calm, joyful days.

I decided to look at my good days with my children, the days I really felt like I was an attentive happy mother and wife, and analyze the circumstances that created that day. I also decided to look at the bad days, and find a common denominator. I came to realize that many of those days, I had planned just too much. I started noticing the good days had a slower rhythm to them, a day when I wasn't rushed to get in to the car to go here or there or anywhere. Sure, some bad days are just bad days from things we can't control...sick kids, sleepless nights, just a funky day, or a hard stage in family life. But many times the choices we have made determine the pace we set. I started making conscious decisions about the tempo I wanted to establish for my family because I had enabled myself to see what worked for us. FOR US. Not for my friend and her children, not because I had read in magazine I should be doing this and that for my children's social growth, not because I couldn't say no without feeling guilty..."

"...As I began to open my eyes to how I could be the best mother for my children, I could see the bigger picture. I had been comparing myself to other moms who seemed to handle so much smoothly, but I realized that maybe they had the skills or support to handle more, or just had made different decisions that didn't sit right with my conscience. Maybe they were in the same growth stage I had been and that big whammy of a lesson hadn't happened yet..."

"...This journey of self-knowledge is not over I am sure. I have decades of more mistakes ahead of me as my family changes and evolves over time. We have all the signs we need when something is not right...our spirits, when we are still, will tell us. Our children, in their behavior, in their little tender, purely good souls will show us if they are thriving or just surviving the lives we are forcing them to lead. Our marriage, our relationships, will become smooth sailing, or angry resentment. Knowing and accepting myself, and knowing my deep desire to fulfill the dream of how I want these years of motherhood to look for me, allows me to see the big picture, and make brave changes in the little snapshots of everyday life."

Oh, how I love this. She had 67 comments from mostly women and mothers who loved it too. I do like a quiet, structured home life. But it seems that so many moms, especially us Utah moms, thrive on how many things we have on our To Do list for the day. We brag about how busy we are and post our day to day hectic schedules for others to see. This works for some people. Some people are amazing at this (I have several sisters-in-law who manage just great). But this is not for me. Some days just are just hectic, and I can't help it. But with her advice in mind, I'm going to try to do what works for me, for my family, for my sanity. I want to keep a "quiet, focused family life" because I know from past experience that is what works for my family and me. And I don't have to be ashamed of this. I don't have to be ashamed if my calendar has some blank days, because the days that are blank on the calendar often end up being the fullest of what really matters.