From our perspective

I robbed this pic from my friends blog. Unfortunately, not many of my own pics turned out.

During thanksgiving break Brad had conspired with his law school buddies to go stay in a condo in coure de lane together for a night. One of the guys even made it a surprise for his wife, which made me and another girl nervous because we were her surprise. What if she had expected some romantic getaway and she got 2 rowdy families! But it worked out great. We met up at Olive Garden for lunch where we surprised Debbie, ate lunch and one couple almost got their lunch for free. We then hit up Target, shopped a little, got groceries and headed to the condo after picking up some pizza. We went swimming before dinner, where we piled into our expedition to drive to the pool house, that's 6 adults and 5 kids! Our front seat had a couple and their 1 yr old, the middle row had an extremely tall guy 2 kids and the rest of us crammed in the trunk where we layed the seats down. Sweet memories. At the pool, the guys sucked it up and swam in the cold swimming pool with the kids. The ladies chatted at the side of the pool until the kids mouths were turning blue and chattering. We all changed into pjs and ate pizza, put the kids to bed and then it was party time. We stayed up late playing some really entertaining games, with the best company. My stomach hurt the next day from laughing.

We all decided to go for a walk down to the boat dock. Took some pictures, threw rocks in the lake and took a group shot (where Debbie's camera fell off the pole just after the timer went off, hope it's OK). Brad bet Matt that he couldn't swim 30 yards in the freezing lake. Well, that is exactly what he did. He changed into his swim suit and just jumped into the water and swam. On the way back he was slowing down making us nervous, but he made it. We were so impressed. Mind you that we were all bundled up in coats, hats and scarves and he just swam 30 yards in the freezing lake!! Definitely entertaining!

Good times with good friends. I'm especially grateful for these friends who make life easier while in law school. I don't know what I would do without the support of friends while going through this, somehow they make it seem not so hard.

I guess I've skipped Halloween, thanksgiving and just barely am making it to Christmas. I never thought life would fly by this fast, but I guess when I work every other week, it does. It seems like the time I have off I spend cramming it in with fun stuff and people, and the work days I spend sleeping and of course working.

This past week I have been very sick. It made me reflect about my life and how grateful I am to have a healthy body. I can not imagine being sick forever. Weakness, nausea, throwing up, jittery, impatient, headache, sore...the list goes on. I am extremely grateful that I have mostly made it past that. I honestly thought I was pregnant, and took 2 negative pregnancy tests. So what was the deal. I guess it's my own fault since I just got done telling a co-worker that I never get sick...haha.

What I hate most about being sick is that nothing stops while I am sick. The laundry piles up. Dishes as well. House gets dirtier and dirtier. The boys the same. Fast food for dinner, or cold cereal. I finally got sick of being sick and forced myself to run a load of dishes and do a load of laundry. All to find out that my husband had missing and mismatched socks to his demise...guess I should have waited a few days. Funny how if my husband or kids would have been sick, life would be fine. But if mom gets sick, things fall apart. Why is that? What was waiting for me after I felt better was almost dooming.

I'm super grateful for good friends who came to rescue me. A friend, Steph, took the boys for an afternoon and made us dinner. I was able to take a much needed nap. Another friend, Brittany, took the kids both ways to preschool so I didn't have to leave the house. I had lots of friends offer to do something which was amazing. Unfortunately, Brad had a final on Monday and couldn't be much help. You know, law school doesn't stop when the wife is sick.

My own mom had this brilliant idea a long time ago to sort the toys and put some away to pull out when the kids get sick of the current toys. I did exactly that, which the boys spent hours playing with those newer toys and also Walt Disney watching over them constantly in the background while I lay helpless on the couch.

But the kids survived, happily I must say. Although, Ethan managed to cut himself some bangs during my sickness stupor. He now sports a short traditional boy hair cut. It is strange to see my little boy without his locks of curls. But he pulls off short with charm, he is so cute!

Today I will be forcing myself to go to the store, get groceries and needed supplies. Make dinner and go to work. And hopefully feel better in the process. Yay, go me.

Brad and I waited a couple years to have kids, we had people say to us "why don't you have kids, it's the best thing in the world" or "you'll love having kids, they bring so much happiness" and even the occasional "good for you for waiting, kids are a joy but also stressful". I would give them crazy looks, like, DUH I KNOW, that's what people keep telling me.

Well, I'm just wondering where the people were to tell me "kids make you stand out in the cold freezing your butt off while they ride bikes" or "kids are so fun, but be prepared to be a life size jungle gym because they will treat you like one" or "you'll just love it when kids pile into your bed at wee hours in the morning and cuddle so close you are recycling their air" or "kids make the simplest task look impossible, so you have to find patience you never had to help them" or "with kids, you have to go swimming with them, that means you have to go IN the pool, and DOWN the slides, and battle all the other bratty kids waiting in line, and go WITH them, not just watch them." Where were THEY when preparing me for kids? Hello? No worries, I've gotten by pretty good, I don't think I could have done it without Brad. He usually does the hard stuff like freeze his butt off outside so the kids can ride bikes, or he'll get IN the peed swimming pool WITH the kids.

I often wonder if those people that false advertised kids really just couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't going through what they were going through. So they glamorized kids so we would join the bandwagon. Because sometimes I'm tempted to tell this prissy best dressed- beautiful, vacationing with lots of money- go out to eat all the time- go one late dates and not a worry in the world couple that "kids will change your life, they will be the best thing that has happened in your life, they are SO easy, you can totally live the same lifestyle now, you should have some!" I want to tell them that, kinda because I'm a tiny bit jealous that they don't have to worry about babysitters or picking a family friendly restaurant, and that the girl actually has time to shower and style her hair in the morning after getting to EAT breakfast and in silence while she flips through the Macy's sales circling the things she plans on buying after work that day. She needs a reality check! She needs kids, don't you think? Because no one should have to suffer that lifestyle.

I think we all know how much I adore my children, you'll only have to read about one post to know that I think they are the greatest things that walk this earth. So don't get me wrong. As I previously discussed, no one warns you about the opposite of joy parts. I just think it would be nice to have someone warn me that Ethan was going to throw poop in his little brothers crib and I would find Gavin trying to latch on to it, and that it was going to be okay because this is normal. I NEVER heard of a story like that before, only that kids were perfect angels, so I was a bit shocked and MAY have held a tiny grudge while I was flooding Gavin's face with soapy water and may have been gagging a little bit, thinking how I could have gone wrong as a parent.

It's not until I tell my stories that I begin to feel normal, because once you open the story gate everyone has a story about their kids and poop. So it wasn't just me that wasn't having the picture perfect "kids are the best thing that will happen to you." I'm pretty sure there are better things than rinsing big brother's poop out of a baby's mouth, yup, pretty sure. At the same time, there is nothing better than snuggling that squishy clean little baby while singing lullaby's until they fall asleep in your arms.

I look at my life, and boy, I feel like I have more than my share of crazy kids experiences involving toilets, poop, boogers, disasters and messes. I feel like I can always one-up people with their stories of things my kids have done worse, but don't you worry, I keep these stories to myself only because I would NEVER have a babysitter if I was always blabbing about the opposite of joy moments I've experienced in the short life span of my children's 5 and 3 yrs of age. Also, it doesn't make me feel normal when the worst thing someones kid did was take their diaper off while in a crib and throw it out on the ground. That's that worst? That's all the kid's got in them to torture you with, he didn't even paint the wall with his poop from the diaper, seriously? So I usually keep my stories to myself, because I can't stand the looks people give me when I tell them that my child dumped a Costco size canola oil all over our carpet or that my child pooped in the front yard, wiped pine-cones and rocks in the poop and threw them in the street at cars...these stories I reserve for the blog, luckily I can't see your faces.

So, don't mind me when I hee-hee at all the little stories that drive parents insane, because it is making me feel normal in my not so normal life. I don't mind at all when you hee-hee at mine, because I know it makes you feel SO grateful that you don't have a child like THAT. At least I can admit it. I feel with all the craziness and chaos going one, I have millions more moments that I wouldn't ever wish away. So I'm doing pretty good as far as that goes. I'm not false advertising when I say "kids will be hard but SO rewarding and WILL bring happiness and sadness but in the BEST of ways."

If you ask me if you should have kids? I say, Yes, of course, but...

Remember how my kids are a week shy of 2 yrs apart. Well, this was that week. First Gavin turns 3 than Ethan turns 5 on me... oh my aching heart! All in one week! Today Ethan had a little birthday party. He wanted a pirate party. Brad and I spent some time decorating and making cakes for the kids last night and today Ethan had a few friends over to celebrate. Ethan insisted on wearing a pirate costume that is too small which gives him a wedgie, but he didn't care, he looked "cool". I also dressed up because, well, I can at this age Ethan thought it was awesome that I was a pirate too. I dressed Gavin up as well, I'm a little bummed I didn't get a picture of us together. Ethan screamed, "this is the best party ever" today a couple times, so that made me feel good. He also wanted to go to bed in his costume, which I think was a success.

A few things about Ethan in his 4th year that are memorable:

Ethan still loves Teddy and sucks his thumb while holding Teddy's ear in the same hand. We stopped the thumb sucking now that he is 5, he isn't too sure about that.

Ethan loves his buddy Brooke, she lives down the street, goes to preschool with him and her mom watches the boys when I work. He knows how to write his name and Brooke's, he also talks about her all the time, it's pretty cute.

He learned to ride a bike without training wheels and is "super fast". He loves to go on bike rides.

Ethan is quite artsy, he likes to draw/do crafts, and sing. He is very quick about learning songs and tunes. He is very creative with making forts, or different things to play in.

He knows his alphabet, sounds, letters and can write them. Can count to 20+ and all sorts of other things that I find about every day that he picks up on. I guess he is listening when I try to teach even though he looks like he is bored to death.

He likes to play ipad games or games on the computer and he is better at them than I am.

If you ask him today what his favorite color is, it's pink. He also likes Hello Kitty bc his aunt Natalie loves hello kitty. He calls it Happy Kitty. He loved Batman for a while, it will probably change tomorrow.

His favorite food is popcorn, eggs, and pancakes.

Ethan loves animals, especially dogs.

He is quite the daredevil! No fear in this child!!

He will sit in my lap and read books all day long if I would let him. He is such a cutie and a joy. He is always coming up with funny stuff and is so smart. He makes us proud every day! We sure love having him around!!!

Happy Birthday BIG BOY!





Gavin turned three a few days ago, he loved having a birthday. He woke me up in the morning and whispered "mama, it's my birday, I three." Break my heart little one will ya? He has such a strong personality and loves to live on extremes. One minute he is giggling up a storm and the next he is screaming that his shoe is stuck without even trying to pull it out. Silly child. A few thoughts about Gavin...


He adores his blue blanket and named it a very creative name, blue. He will also settle for his back up blanket in which he named, yellow, and in fact it is very yellow. This blanket's name has changed over the years. He first called it "where di doe" and would say that over and over until you hunted down the blanket. Now that his vocabulary has expanded, he prefers to call it by it's given color, blue, but never blanket.

In Gavin's 2 yr of life when he started talking more we have coined a few phrases from him. "whatcha doing" you answer and he says, "oh". "Where di doe", "Where har hew" and "where Bro go". I don't think I have EVER heard Gavin call Ethan by his name. He used to call him "broda" (i think he was going for brother) and now he calls him "bro".

Gavin potty trained himself at 2.5 yrs old. He still asks permission to go pee, I certainly hope this stops before he is calling me while he is on a date to ask permission to pee.

Lately he wants "A BIG ONE" of everything. He wants a big one drink, or a big one of candy, or popcorn ,or a big ride or a big kiss. We have learned quickly to make a big deal about any amount of something you give to the little man, and he is satisfied as long as you are extremely animated about the BIG chocolate chip you are giving him.

Gavin is my tank. He picks up rocks/boulders the size of his head and chucks them in the river. He rides bro's bike with ease. He pedals up hills that I have to walk my bike up. He is rough and tough and loves to wrestle. He is tough with cuts and bruises, and will pick at them until your stomach gets queasy. I watched him examine a fluid filled blister on his finger, then watched him dig at it until the thing popped, ew, but no complaints from the kid.

He loves yogurt, he eats about 2 a day or more if we let him. He loves candy, ice cream and cookies. He will try anything you put on his plate. He doesn't like chips but loves Cheetos.

He likes to count to 10 and sing twinkle twinkle little star. He knows most of his colors. He wants me to sing 3 little monkeys song before bed and the choo choo song that we made up before he settles down. He gets mad at Brad bc he doesn't do it right.

He loves to be cuddled and held. He looks up to big brother all the time. He has the best laugh and gives the best hugs. If I whisper to him while he is playing or watching something, I love you, he whispers it right back.

He is usually a very happy child and greets Brad and I when we come home with an exclamation "you home?" and a giant hug.

Gavin is an early bird, we usually find him sitting on the couch with a show on and eating a yogurt before the sun is even up.

The kid loves trains and cars, beep beeps and choo choos. He doesn't like his pictures taken unless you bribe him with something, and even then he gives a wide open fake cheese smile.

He is known to be bawling until you tell him he can't do something until he is happy, he will immediately smile huge with tear stained cheeks and say, I happy!!

Gavin still has very wide feet, which has been difficult to find shoes that fit him that HE likes. He is picky about his "whoos" and will go barefoot before putting on a shoe that he can't stand. Remember he is only three, but very strong willed!

WE love him to the moon and stars and back. He is constantly making us giggle our hearts out and smile until it hurts. We are so glad and blessed to have him in our lives. Happy Birthday big boy!

This was a really awesome trip to silverwood theme park. My work hosted a party there, but I worked that day so they gave free me tickets and food vouchers. We had a blast and didn't have to spend any money going. Well, until we hit a deer on the way home, then it cost us 500 bucks (dollars not the animal that we hit which i think was female) so i guess in the entire scheme of things... I'm pretty sure I wouldn`t pay 500 bucks for a day at Silverwood. And I was just beginning to like my workplace, then they send me to silverwood for free and I walk away paying 500 bucks. Sweet.
P.s. Ya know the lawyer in the car aka law student aka my hubby informed me when i was joking about filing a workmans comp claim for our car that I have NO case bc of some lawyer jargon. Great, now don't we feel good about knowing that.

Sent from my Samsung smartphone on AT&T

Ya know. I cant get enough of this little man even though he floured my kitchen and flooded the bathroom and hallway and ethans room and my closet and hallway closet and soaked a bunch of my dryclean clothes. Its been a while since he did this and I forgave him but then today I was reminded just how dangerous he can be left unattended. You better believe he makes me have hawk eyes and a constant nagging in the back of my mind if I can't see him. I still love him. Yup and all his crazy tactics even his crazy face ramming kisses!

Sent from my Samsung smartphone on AT&T

Today I looked at myself in the mirror and felt it. I felt old. Older, I should say. Where has time gone? I felt like I looked like a mom. The very definition of MOM that I thought of when I was 12. I looked like one of THEM. The ladies who had no idea what was in style, but still looked put together in their "own" style, shooing her children here and there. You know the ones that manage a cute outfit but pair it with tennis shoes? Or the ones that manage a cute outfit but their hair isn't washed and thrown into a ponytail? Or the ones that manage a cute outfit but look sleep deprived. I KNOW THEIR SECRET. I have become one of them.

It's the sleepless nights and hard working whirlwind days that drain us, but we prevail and put on a cute outfit (only when going into public) thinking no one will notice that I haven't showered today. Or knowing that grocery shopping and running errands just don't work in heels or awkward stylish shoes, so we throw on sneakers (yes I just said that, see, I am getting old). Or the times we manage to jump into the shower, lather up to the speed of light, rinse off in a hurry and bounce out the bathroom in a towel to make sure the children haven't burned the house down or the neighbors. Throw the first thing on, manage getting a bra on if you remember, and then throw the hair into a pony and get back into view of the children. We may have tried putting the children in the bathroom with us while we shower, but then the 4 and 2 year old boys want to know why you pee out your butt and the 2 yr old asks why we have those two things hanging off our belly and the 4 yr old says they are called boobies and tells him that theirs will get big when they grow up. Or when they manage to rifle through every drawer, using tampons as weapons or swords and love to put the end of the tp into the toilet to watch it unravel as the toilet flushes. So you turn on a show, place them nicely on the couch with a snack, and repeat the step where you manage to jump into the shower (see above).

So yes, that image of a MOM when I was 12. I am her. I wish I could look at those 12 yr olds now and dress in their style with a black fitted T-shirt with glittered ROCK STAR across my boobs, and hot pink leggings with black fingernails and my hair straight ironed to death, but then I would be the MOM that was trying to hard to be her kids FRIEND rather then her MOM, and then I would be in THAT category. Plus, I can't imagine my butt ever looking good in hot pink spandex leggings...

So I stare, at my momself, in the mirror. Wow. I still feel like I'm 16 (except when I was 16 I thought for sure my boobs would be bigger than this), then I remember...

that I got hitched 9 years ago,

and knocked up a couple times,

and have a big girl job working night shift as a nurse,

and (DUN, DUN, DUN) have to take my child to preschool in 5 minutes!

And I realize, I don't have time to shower. So I throw on a cute outfit, and guess what? I throw my hair in a pony and use my own spit to wipe the maskara smudges from under the eyes, and gather my loves to the car... but at least this time, I put on cute sandals just because I'm rebelling against THAT mom.

My feet are gonna hurt today. Dang 12 yr olds.

Ethan started preschool this week. Today I asked him about school. He says, "my teacher has needles in her brow." quite the impression this teacher made on Ethan. Teaching him that they used a NEEDLE to pierce her eyebrow. That's what they are teaching kids these days?? Wondering if I'm going to have to home school before Ethan gets tatted and pierced up by age 5!!

He also whispered in amazement, "AND she colored on her arm" I can only hope she didn't teach him about tattoos as well.

Today is Thursday. I usually don't like Thursdays because that means I start the stretch of work T,F,S Sunday and Monday I get a break then jump right back into working night shifts for Tuesday and Wednesday. I have been talking/ discussing a couple of things with my hubby. One being finding JOY in everything that we do. I think that I do not do this nearly as much as I should.

Now and then it is good to pause in our pursuit of Joy and just be Joyful.

I find tons of joy in my kids, they are always bringing a smile to my face and I love to make them laugh. But am I bringing joy to other things that I HAVE to do, like work? I usually complain about having to work...but it's what pays the bills and I only have to work 5 nights out of 14. There are so many reasons why I hate going in and pulling the night shift, but there are so many other reasons why I STILL work even though I may not love it. I'm going to try to focus on the reasons why I am still working and not the reasons why I don't want to. This just might help me find some JOY.

I really think in my life I have to make time to appreciate the small things. Especially since I don't get to spend every day with my kids due to work. I really liked the previous quote about being JOYFUL now instead of always pursuing JOY. I always think life will get better when Brad is done, or when I work less. The only reason why I can't have joy now is because of ME. So, I have to remind myself to remember the small things. Like instead of hurrying my kids home from a bike ride, I should take the time to enjoy the sunshine on my kids hair, the soft breeze and the time outside WITH my kids. JOY, for me, comes in the littlest packages...and to tell you the truth, when I look at it that way, I kinda love my life.

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

Test

This summer has blown by in a whirlwind. Where did our time go? My boys are growing up before my eyes. Every shift I come home from, Gavin greets me while the entire house is still and sleeping. His bright blue eyes remind me of each coming day is full of life and light and needs to be cherished. Because only a few months ago he would point to things he wanted for breakfast and now he helps himself to a yogurt and asks "you watch monkey show with me, mama?" Oh how he melts my little heart.

I love summer because I can sit in the shade while watching the kids play and feel a small breeze dancing around me, as if it is whisperinging "watch, relax, and enjoy your children" and sometimes I do just that.

I worry about the next 2 years, how much help I will get from Brad. If school will be a stress on him or us. How work will affect my personal and family life while Brad is in school and I'm trying to make things work.

This is what summer is for. To force some sunshine on my soul, renew and refresh. I sat on the swings yesterday with Gavin on my lap. His little legs wrapped around mine as he yelled higher, higher mama, giggling the entire time. Love. Gavin sat back against my chest and stared at the sky. I wonder what he was thinking, swinging, looking up to the sky, no cares in the world. So I was there, swinging, reminded to live in the now and not to worry about later.

At the moment Ethan is singing to himself and painting a picture for his little friend to come. He is actually sounding out the letters and wrote "ethan, brooke com ovr" when did He learn to do that? He is my gentle child, always learning and observing. At times he'll come to me and say "I'm your special boy and your my special mom" or "I love you, you know?" and "mom, quit dinking around on your phone and watch me." Brad taught him to ride his bike yesterday without training wheels, while I was at a class for work. He text me the video and picture of my big boy. I cried a little. I hate being away for things like that, but I must at this point in my life. He is growing up way too fast. Sigh.

Today has been a quiet day. Housework, work mtg, and prepare for work tonight. I am grateful for life's little blessings. Gavin decided to go outside, I couldn't find him in the backyard so I went to the front. He was across the street driving his little hot wheel cars along the far curb! WHAT. I am so glad he did not get hurt. Blessing. I need to learn to count them more often.

Since Moscow Idaho is farm locked in all directions there really isn't much to do. But Moscow has an amazing paved bike/walking trail that we've taken advantage of. We decided as a family to become more active and really wanted to instill this type of lifestyle to our kids. Brad and I have been running during the week at least 3 miles at a time while pushing the kids in the the stroller. They will get out and run about a half mile with us. Ethan is quite the speed demon and has really good running form. Gavin is a tank and will run until he just stops and says, "I'm done" and climbs into the stroller. They both like to yell at Brad and tell him to run faster. I have a slower and steady pace, Brad is still faster while pushing the kids than me. It has been pretty amazing to see that our first run together we couldn't even run a mile straight. Now 3 weeks later Brad and I can run at least 3 miles without stopping. We recently finished a 7 mile run with a few breaks during the jog. I would have never thought I could do this. Amazing how pushing yourself a little more each day you can accomplish so much. Brad will even run with the kids when I am working.

The all time favorite summer activity? BIKE RIDING. Gavin lives and breathes bike riding. We use going on a bike ride as incentive to get the kid to do anything...eat his veggies, take a nap, pick up his toys. I've even found him on his bike at 4am in the garage! He said to me today when I woke up, "you awake Mama? I go on a bike ride?" He spends hours on his bike and just loves to ride around the neighborhood and throws a fit every time we have to go inside. Ethan is pretty much happy being outside and loves to ride as well. I have some tan boys!

Now that we moved, we have a backyard that the kids love to play in and I love that I can see them while still in the house. Also, the afternoon it's shaded but we can still feel the warmth of the day. So nice to be able to relax in a yard without yelling at the kids to get out of the street or the way of cars!!! The kids are out there everyday. Love it!!

Did you know that I was by myself for a week and a half? Brad took the boys to Seattle while he did a job shadow with a bankruptcy attorney, my parents watched the kids and I worked. SO WHAT DID I DO?

The boys are quite the social bugs lately. Today at the park Ethan shared our entire lunch with all the kids there. I brought extra to share and had to come home to feed my kids lunch because he was so willing he gave it all away!

This reminds me of a quote by Marion G. Romney speaking of giving to the poor and welfare work. "You cannot give yourself poor in this work" then he quoted his mission president, Melvin J Ballard, "A person cannot give a crust to the Lord without receiving a loaf in return".

I really liked that, knowing with my situation that I have little, whatever I do give I will always be taken care of. Sometimes it is hard for me to go out and do some service or volunteer because I worry about taking care of my family first.

I love Ethan's example to me, to give without caring about what he gets in return or even if he'll eat lunch. He was so happy just to share. Sure do love that kid!

It seems after having children, that my life is consumed by my kids, and that is all I talk about. I don't think I've had a conversation since Ethan was born that didn't involve my kids in any way. How boring my kids and I must be to others who talk to me, but I sure think my life is FASCINATING, so I'll keep on chatting about us.

Today was mothers day, which I haven't really cared about this holiday ever, but today was different. I worked last night, came home from my 3rd 12 hr night shift to a quiet and clean house. There were remnants that little boys had been there, like the cup on the counter that had cartoon pizza slices on it from a trip out to lunch with my boys, one size 7 toddler shoe that I stumbled over, and the last hanger that I hung my jacket on was lime green and pint sized for the lil guys jacket. The plant that I passed had 5 leaves still surviving while the other leaves are long gone being ripped off by a 2yr old or snipped off by a 4yr old. I found myself smiling as I headed to my bed. I quickly changed into pj's and slid into bed to find my 2 yr old keeping my side of the bed warm. I moved him over between Brad and I and cuddled next to his thick little body. He smelled of bath soap and sweat, his cheeks were flushed and his hair was matted and dewy. I stared at his long eyelashes. He is mine. I did this. This child in my arms is a direct result of my very own actions. I prayed for him to come. I carried him for 9 months. It's amazing how much effort, love and dedication I've put towards my children. I thought as I was drifting off to sleep that mothers day is not just to honor and appreciate my own mother, but for me to realize how amazing it really is that I get the chance to be a mom.

Today was a little different, I remembered that these 2 rascals are mine, and I chose them. So when they were rowdy jumping all over the place like little monkeys, I threw them on my back and raced them around the house. I let the 2 yr old have one more spin in a circle even though I was quite dizzy, and gave the 4 yr old a piece of bread that just came out of the oven when he had already brushed his teeth and was laying in bed. When the boy with his mop of curls came out to tell me he was scared, but really used it as an excuse, I scooped him in my arms and carried him on my hip, his legs dangling down to my knees and all, around the kitchen while I finished cleaning. Boy is it hard not to give these boys everything they ever want just because I love them.

I love the smiles that Brad and I exchange over something our kids are doing, or the looks we give each other when we are both enjoying the our kids. Amazing how becoming parents have caused us to grow so much closer.

Today was a good day, when my mind is clear enough to think of this good life and how grateful I am for it. Happy mothers day.

I was thinking about my kids today. I have 2 boys that are rough, messy and wild. There are some days I do think I will go deaf from their noise, and other days I think I will be bruised from all their wrestling, and some where I think I will go grey from all their energy and willingness to push the limits.

And today I thought, where did these children come from? Surely I never thought I would be the mom that let a child run around with unbrushed Tarzan hair. And the younger one with long nails lined with dirt and smears of dust and food across his face. Children running outside without shoes and the younger without pants and at one point today the older without pants and underwear. Never would I admit that my children did this today.

After 2 kids I have changed my views of motherhood and mothering. I feel there is a time and a place for everything. Today was without plans, so when my oldest said he didn't want to brush his hair, I didn't push it. When he wandered around without pants because he said he felt like it, I didn't care. When the younger refused to wash his face and flashed a charming smile as he ran from me, I let him. I let the boys stomp in all the mud puddles they want, and roll around in their clothes, and let them explore the soggy grass on their hands and knees.

I do this because one day I know I will miss all the grass stained knees, and stubborn dirt stains. I will miss all the sticky kisses and the days my boys smell like syrup when they asked for pancakes for a snack. I will miss those bare bums, and little boys balancing on tip toes through the dirt and grass. I know I will miss the hand prints on the glass and little finger smudges on my glasses. Because when these things are gone, so are my babies.

My friend, Katie, talked about a quote at church that really moved me. It is, "happiness is a journey, not a destination" I know I am guilty of saying, "when my child sleeps through the night, it will get easier" or other things of the sort. But what I have failed to recognize, is when my children sleep through the night, they will be older and I will have missed out on all the in between because I am looking and wanting for the future and not living in the now.

I don't care or fuss so much now, and let them be boys, because that is exactly what they are. Somedays I have to remind myself, but most days it is easy to remember that I will miss this when it is gone. I just love those 2 rascals to the moon and back. I can't imagine the thought of never having another child, and I can't wait to have another even if I have to wait a few more years, it will be worth it!

Brad has been working pretty hard in school this year. He really does amaze me how hard he studies and how dedicated he is. He has a paper due tomorrow worth 50% of his grade, which he has been talking about and working on every minute he has. He has such a tough job trying to study, be a dad, active in church and a husband AND get good grades. Because you could do all that without any problems if you didn't care about your grades. He manages to juggle the load with little effort.

I've had to work my stretch this weekend before his paper is due, which cuts into his studying time while he watches the kids when I sleep. He has been really great with the kids watching them while I work and then sleep in the mornings. I had a friend ask if Brad had enough time for his paper since he has to watch the kids while I work, Brad is one of a few guys who has to watch their kids while their wife works. This made me nervous, I sure hope he does well, even with less time to work on his paper than others. He really does amaze me what he can do.

I used to wish I could see him more, but then I would feel guilty for taking time away from his studies. I am so grateful for the time I do get to spend with him, and the times he is away isn't that bad anymore, I spend that time entertaining the kids and love it. I have a great group of friends from church who are going through the same thing, which are a great support.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Brad has about 6 more weeks of his first year left! One year down. Amazing.

• Is it possible to feel bad for a teddy bear? Because I do, feel bad for this bear. I feel bad every time I steal him from Ethan to throw in the wash with a cup of bleach, 2 scented dryer sheets and get him out in a hurry like nothing happened. But Ethan does know, and he'll let me know. This is what he'll say. "NO MOM, teddy doesn't smell good, I don't want you to give him a bath ever again" he thinks Teddy smells like ice-cream when he is not washed. He DOES NOT smell like ice-cream, rather vinegarish stinky feetish fishyish smell. NASTY.


• If Ethan crawls into bed with us, I wake up to the smell of teddy and not Ethan climbing into bed, now that is BAD. I can smell the thing at least 2 feet away, and I wash him often!


• It must be a right to passage for a child's childhood comfort item just to plain old stink. Ethan rubs Teddy's ears on his cheeks while he goes to sleep, and that's only after sucking on the ear for awhile. You can only imagine what Ethan's cheeks smell like when he wakes up...


• Ethan happened to bring teddy to the store one time (i usually forbid teddy from leaving the house just out of pure embarrassment of his condition). While we were standing in line Ethan dropped him out of the cart. Out of the corner of my eye I watched the guy behind us bend over to get Teddy, he SERIOUSLY pinched the very corner of Teddy's ear to pick him up, held him as far away from him and gave him back to Ethan. I was so embarrassed!


• See, that's why I don't bring him anywhere! Ethan doesn't mind. He adores Mr. Teddy. He talks to him, tells him stories, sings to him, pretends he has special powers and actually takes pretty good care of him. Except when it's bedtime, and Teddy disappears... or in actuality Ethan hides him so he doesn't have to go to bed, sneaky child.


• When Ethan gets hurt, he cries, "I want teddy" pretty sad when your child screams for teddy instead of you. I really wish I could ask Teddy what he did to make Ethan adore him so much. I would just love to know.

Ethan, my 4 yr old, amazes me everyday with the things he picks up and learns. The other day we were skyping Grandma Paulette and she asked him how to write CAT, MAP and STOP. The kid to my amazement, sounded out the letters and wrote them out for grandma to see. Brad was beaming with pride, I was also impressed. Where does this kid get this stuff? All I've been doing is talking about letters and signs when we go places. Like on the door that says "pull" I ask him to sound out the letters, which he started off a little rough sounding out the letters but not putting the word together, he is getting better now. He refuses to sit down with me and actually practice writing or letters. So I figured he has a year before kindergarten, I would work on it then, I guess he's been doing it all along!!! I sure do love this kid.

Ethanisms

I warn Ethan not to do something, he still does it, I tell him he will have to sit in time out if he does it again. He does it again. I put him in timeout, he says, "BUT I DIDN'T REMEMBER you didn't want me to do that" he uses this phrase EVERY time.

Ethan: "when I grow up, I want to be a doctor or a lawyer, but I DON'T want to go to kindergarten"

Ethan: "oopsies, spagettio"

Ethan: "I don't want to go to bed, I will lay in bed, BUT I WONT SHUT MY EYES!"

(sorry about the terrible quality of pictures lately, they are from my phone. In this pic, we just got done eating lunch with Brad at school)

Someday, best friends...

These two are as different as they come. Brown eyed curly hair, blue eyes straight hair. Ethan loves books, games, and is a picky eater. Ethan could really care less what he wears when his batman shirts are dirty. Gavin loves cars, trucks, trains, balls and loves to eat. Gavin cares what he wears, usually likes to layer things and does not leave the house without a hat.

They do enjoy together to wrestle, ride bikes, spend time with daddy, be thrown and spun around the room and be outside.

We can't wait for this weather to get better so we can get scraped knees and sunshine highlights in our hair, instead of bedhead. The boys ask me everyday to play outside, I'm wimpy and hate sitting out there in the freezing cold while they play their little hearts out. Luckily they don't care how cold they are.

I love having boys, they hardly whine about things I can't control, like the weather, and are as tough and messy as they come. Ethan's hair is the only high maintenance thing about them, which he refuses to cut.

My dad had the best advice .The most important thing about 2 boys, 2 years apart is they are like dogs, they can't be cooped up in a house all day long otherwise they tear it apart and themselves. They need to be walked, and ran, and exercised to be happy...at least my two. It sounds bad to compare kids to dogs, but it's sooo true. My kids ache to run free and explore, they are at each others throats when they are stuck inside. I can only hope one day we'll live close to the beach so we can spend lots of time there, or have a large yard for them to roam free in, but for now we'll have to bundle up to get the wiggles out.

A couple weeks ago I wanted to go visit my parents with my boys while Brad studied. My parents informed me they were going to be out of town, so I decided not to go. THEN it started snowing again in Moscow, we all were so tired of the snow we were going to rip our hair out. So I threw some clothes in a bag and went to Edmonds, WA for a few days of R&R and sunshine. Except that my parents weren't there, so my kids got me up at 630 every morning and ran me ragged until bedtime at night. They got to see uncle Ryan, wrestled, sung, and played their hearts out and would finally go to bed. The entire time they asked for Grandma and Grandpa. Ethan even told me that they didn't like it without the grandparents.

My parents live on a hill, all the way from the driveway down to the beach. It only took my boys a couple trips to find out that if you throw a ball out the front door, it rolls down the driveway and down the hill and disappears and gets mommy really mad, acting like a crazy lady running down the hill after the balls. I think at one point when my boys found the ping pong ball stash I finally gave up and promised to buy my parents new ping pongs as I was picking them up but they were bouncing down the hill faster than I could catch them. Gavin thought this was hilarious, and Ethan sure tells a funny story how mommy was acting crazy yelling, trying to stop and catch ping pongs before they were gone forever.

SO- to entertain my children we went to a children's museum and the beach. They loved the beach, even though it was pretty windy and still cold, but warmer than Moscow. I loved it as well, and was pleased knowing that my boys enjoy the beach as much as I do.

A couple walked over to me and the old man said, "Oh, to be young and care free again" as he watched my boys walk into the freezing water up to their knees "and not have a care in the world except how far you can throw a rock" then he chuckled and walked away.

Sometimes it's good to get away from your day to day. It was a short, but well needed trip to bring us all back to reality. That life is good.

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These two little guys have been quite the crack up lately. Ethan is absorbing anything he can like lightening. He is a very bright child, I love to hear what he comes up with. This is a fun stage with the little guy. He loves to learn but refuses to practice anything like writing the alphabet or learning to read. He just wants me to tell him things, like why we have to poop and how come it smells so bad. Ethan is my picky eater, he only will try things if we coax him. He hates "stuff" on his noodles, or chicken. He does like carrots and broccoli, and sometimes that is all he has for dinner. He eats his carrots because they help him see in the dark. The other day I had a hard night at work and was sitting outside watching the boys play, he came over and hugged me saying "sometimes we just have hard days"...Love him.

Gavin is slowly saying more words, but prefers to grunt, point or lead you places for things he wants. He LOVES being outside. He also loves to push the limit just OVER the edge. We do a lot of follow through with consequences with him. The other day he sat at the window watching Ethan play outside because Gavin kept trying to go on an adventure and not stay in the yard. He loves to twinkle twinkle little star, but calls it "up above" and prefers the "up above the world so high" part. He would take a bubble bath any day. Still loves trucks and trains, balls and watching shows. He'll eat most anything if you put a positive spin on it. He loves to wrestle and ride on my leg around the house (which is getting harder bc he is getting heavy).

I am so lucky to have such wonderful happy boys. They bring a bright light into my life and don't know what I would do without them!!!

Brad asks why I haven’t updated the blog. He also informed me that is how he finds out what is going on with our family. You don’t even know how true AND ironic that is.

We are still alive. I think. The kids have kept me super busy and on my toes. Right now they dislike and annoy each other daily. I think this is just a phase (please go by fast) and hopefully they will grow out of it. Ethan bosses little man around, and little man gets back by punching, hitting, pulling hair and my personal favorite pinching his brother until he big brother screams. Little man has also mastered the skill of… if brother even makes a slight movement toward me, SCREAM! As you can imagine, a lot of screaming and whining goes on in my house. I even found myself saying to Ethan, “Ethan, instead of whining to me that Gavin pinched you, tell him not to pinch you” and then Brad informed me that earlier we told Ethan not to punish Gavin but instead come to us and TELL us when he did something and we will deal with it. NO win either way. I can hear them whining and screaming in my dreams, seriously.

But then there is nap time and bedtime when things are quiet my heart melts and I love and adore these two rug rats more than I can express. Even when Gavins sleeping face is colored with markers that he did himself, or Ethan's sleeping face sports new bangs that he cut himself which make his hair a little bit mullet and a little bit girly. He informed me his curls were in his eyes and that is why he locked himself in his closet and chopped his curls.

Brad isn't missing in action that often since he still managed to teach Ethan a lesson that he hasn't forgotten, in fact he taught it to me just the other day. I put Ethan in the corner for hitting his brother, Ethan wanted me to apologize and when I told him I wouldn't apologize for putting him in the corner he informed me through sobs, "You listen to the devil mama, the devil tells you not to say sorry" I died, seriously, died right there. I can't decide which is worse, that Ethan said that to me, or that Brad taught him. We still get a good laugh from it.

I start today, a new schedule at work that was in place before I started working. This means I had no say whether I could/wanted to do this schedule but since I needed a job I HAD to do this. I will start with- I am not at all excited about it and end with- I am grateful for a job. I will be doing 3 on, one off, and 2 on. Basically, 5- 12hr night shifts in a row. Lucky me.

I do enjoy having friends here in town. Especially my friend Stephanie who moved up from Rexburg a couple months after us. She has been a life saver and a great shoulder to lean on. I am also making some fun friends at church and work.

The sun actually came out today, so that makes me happy. The boys played basketball outside until their noses were bright red and I couldn't feel my hands. Hopefully we see more sun and winter goes away!

Brad is doing great in school. He has made some really good friends and seems to be getting good grades. Go Brad. We are now trying to figure out what he will be doing for the summer, either and internship here or somewhere else, who knows!