i really wanted to blog today...i really do. hahahaha....but i guess the torrents of adrenaline to deal with some matters partook the initial idea of penning my thoughts.

and i realised that i'm speaking differently. hey....so blame me for getting "into the role".

i hope claudia wong comes back soon. so meanwhile folks just hang in there without her for the, say next 2 months or so?lol......

today my company's chairman and management board came down from U.S. hahahaha....the chief financial officer sat in the cubicle beside me. felt bad for not mingling but hey, work is work - socialising can come later yeah?was quite surprised when he asked me the opening hours of the botanical garden. hahahaha....helped him check out and he was quite pleased lah.

call it my virgin experience with top level executives.

in any case, i added, "bring loads of repellent...mosquitoes aplenty."

time took its time today...oh god, i can't believe it's only 10:10pm when it feels like i've already been awake for more than 30hours.

get this going

hahahahaha....i've been really busy these days that some one *points to vonk* complains that i haven't been updating.

yeah true...so i'll update soon at the office where there's nothing to do k? meanwhile, i'm off to prepare for my dreams. those who were with me all the way knows what i really want now. it seems that working for your dreams takes some price.

in a weird way, i feel selfish enough to be able to leave my friends behind to move on to do what i always wanted. yet, inside - i also comprehend the understated fact that my decision will probably cost me a heartache - unprecedented.

I don't want to think about the future so much first.

just want to get this suspense and dream to become a reality. emotional baggages have to come later because my priority is to get what i set out to achieve 2 years ago - to inspire others.

so what if you're from a middle-class school without an "s" paper? I believe how pragmatic singaporeans may be, they will not turn a blind eye to a person who burns them literally in their seats due to their passion.

I strongly believe at this instant, faith is everything.

I want that damn scholarship - for myself, for Yishun Junior College, and for my parents as well as those friends (and enemies) who believed in me.

yet, life strikes you in "ironic" ways - I haven't even gotten my A's yet. what makes me so sure of myself?

hahahaha.....complacency or self-confidence? I walk the fine line.

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Dear prince charming,

it feels like the crossroads once again. standing at the center contemplating on how my life will - quite literally- turn out to me. to the right, i have all the possibilities and obvious choices but the left calls to my attention. it promises me the experience i know i must have. yvonne told me that Robert Frost's the "Road less Taken" was written in bitterness. Those that walk the uncharted path will end up regretting their choices.

I wish somehow you were here to believe in me, when i cannot bring myself to believe. I doubt my abilities because others look down on me in contempt. However, deep inside we both know that we can achieve so much more. Although i am not the smartest, but at least, i know what i want in life.

today shangyi told me what her friend told her. “如果别人不相信你，那你就要更相信自己！”

hahahaha...i intend to believe now.

strangely, i know you would understand - this feeling of sureness and anticipation makes me think that the opportunity is only just coming by. It's akin to watching the sun rise over the horizon. when the opportunity reveals itself in full form, make me not hesistate and jump at first chance.

I know i'll regret later leaving my pals and loved ones behind.

I'll regret even more knowing perhaps, just perhaps, we'll be -quite literally again- oceans apart.

Yours for comfort,

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i was office that day reading vann's blog after hours waiting for chris and darren to finish band. her first few lines were so damn hilarious that i burst out laughing. i think 小sam was rudely shocked and distracted from his drawing cuz of my random laughing. hahahaha...i covered it up coughing...

neh neh arh!

so this yr's vday is somehow "missing". it lacks the hustle and bustle like we had in jc when ppl ran in and out of classrooms distributing flowers, chocolates, sweets....etc - sinful delights. on wed, i went out with chris and darren and met up briefly with nic and jon to pass them their brownies and vday cards (sorry arh 222!). made for my colleagues too - seriously, adults lack the laughter in their lives.

yeah...so brought abit of jc-feel into the office by baking brownies~!

anyway...today vday my date is a p4 boy. hahahaha...not 姐弟恋 la. tuition...tuition -omg what were you thinking?!

hahahaha, tml going out with weixiang to check each other out. NO. we're checking if there are any improvements to our...erm, (weixiang, how to describe arh?) unofficial-own-time-own-target weight loss competition.

obviously there aren't any losers in this unusual competition.

so anyway, my vday this year is more "noisy" than the last....but somehow, the missing 222s and vonk, shangyi and cindy makes this vday slightly more quiet.

oh...and *drum roll please*, I'M ATTACHED!

hahahaha....attached to nateline ng huai kuan who is the sweetest bestie gal on earth who mailed me a small little hand-made golden rose and an equally sweet card. LOVE YA BABE!you're my number 1 valentine!

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Dear prince charming,

I've always felt that it doesn't take a day for u to show that you care and appreciate me. likewise, it doesn't have to take just a day for us to be happy.

Somewhere under the same big blue sky, i'm wishing you Happy Valentine's day!

whether you're with her or not....i'm sure our paths will cross someday.

Yours for this special day,

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chinese new year!hahahaha...time for ang bao collection for many lucky kids out there but not for me. haiz...year after year i only get to keep certain ppl's ang baos, like my grandma and my grandma (2 mah, one mother of dad, the other mother of mother)

but in any case, i'm luckier than most people already? at least i get to collect ang baos rather than those poor kids who have to think about survival every single day. gratefulness people...gratefulness. don't take these things for granted.

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so, my cny has been pretty boring. just that my grandaunt can't celebrate because of the recent death of my mum's cousin(complicated relations lah...yeah, don't bother to comprehend). so the 100days mourning period isn't over yet, which is why my cny has been pretty quiet this year althought there are more households to visit.

my mum's right about one thing though, there's no festive mood this year (was there ever one?)....

so this saturday was like some crash-course friends get-together thingy la....met vonk in the morning to go jogging and then some, she makes a cruel coach...haiz...but it's for my own good lah, i'm saying good bye to my well-consumed pineapple tarts and ba kuas every step i take on the running track.

then later in the afternoon met chris, nic and jon to go vivo to catch a movie. hahahaha....it was like the whole of singapore is going there to watch of something? the tickets for ie. 3:30pm show was sold to the extent that it left the few seats in the first 2 rows. so ended up nic and jon decided not to watch. chris and i went to watch sweeny todd cuz it's a musical and all and chris likes horror...so yeah

scared the shit out of me can? it's like everytime a throat was slit hor, i shut my eyes closed lah...so end up half the time i have my eyes closed. see the logic of watching horror? you pay 9.50 to close your eyes in a well furbished theatre...

so after that went to shop around for a while and then chris saw this ice cream parlor so we went and get it...sinful indulgence, considering the fact we had carl's jr for lunch...hahaha BUT....here's the catch, it's 94% fat free!

hahahaha....later rushed down to nat and reached her place around 8pm - the steamboat was fun and everyone changed kinda lot. like van neh neh dyed and rebonded her hair. jl seems to have lost more weight.....xj become more handsome. then jh looks smarter *ahem* and adrain still looks love sick...did kris put some eyeliner? and beryl definitely looks prettier with contacts...hahahaha, xinyi has a change in style and my nat hot mama still looks hot in that butter yellow shirt with a black vest!

and i look hot in red!

hahahahaha...okok, so after that we played a card game called indian poker...damn funny lor, and then xj and jl entertained us with their talk of army....some of weirdest, sadistic stuff they do inside. so when it was time for me to leave on the cinderalla hour, xj and nat pei me go downstairs to wait aka. hail for a cab home. hahahaha...xj damn funny can? he like barefooted walk from nat's house to the maid road lah...dunno whether to be touched for amused...lol

so yeah....my long day is DRAWING to a close...talking to weixiang now, hahahaha...see you guys in the moring.

wait.

it's 1250am, dammit it IS the moring...lol

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YOUTH: how many years left when we can take a pic infront of an ice cream parlor (with the fingers) and still get away with it?

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Dear Prince Charming,

it's been a while since we've spoken - actually, it's more of a one-way conversation. so anyway, how's your chinese new year?

the feeling of anticipation hasn't died a single bit. it has somemore been masked by other conflicting emotions but somehow it seems that you're still here in my heart. while turning into the drop-off zone at my grandma's house i heard this song called "somewhere out there". it's a duet sung in the 70s and the lyrics is so sweet...

Somewhere Out There

busy to blog

~ Loves aplenty

Claud