CLAUD

Monday, May 31, 2010

DEEEEEE-LIGHTED

I'M SUPER HAPPY....KINDA WAS THE THING THAT MADE ME JUMP OUT OF BED.

Ok, but before that, I had a horrible night's sleep. Was coughing like some smoker the whole of last night...bah!

In any case, was snoozing my alarm all the way until I remembered that today was results day!

Population Society: A!

Population Geog: A!

Social Thought and theory: A!

Art History: A!

Class and Inequality: A!

HAHAHA...i so did not expected tot and theory to be A, although i prepared the most for it because it's very dependent on whether they 'buy' your argument...but in any case, I'm contented.

Last time I used to be hesitant about publishing my exam results because it's a sensitive issue. However, a close friend told me something which also made sense, if you portray false modesty by thinking that other people will be envious/upset at this, then isn't it the same looking down on them? It would not be good to underestimate my friend as petty people, and I shan't...=)

It's good news! I'm half-mark to my target CAP of 4.5 baby! HAHA! (0.23 more to go)

Cindy and Jingteng, thanks for all the friendship and more importantly, joy you've brought to my NUS life. It really made me reconsider my attitude in NUS and coupled with other factors, made me see that another alternative path (besides Geology at Imperial College) was just as possible. Have a great graduation! <3>

Now, I'm able to walk the walk, and talk then talk to my tuition students....sometimes I tell them study methods and hesitate if that method works. Now, I can assuredly share with them study tips without causing any collateral damage. hahaha!

"I, like God, do not play with dice, and do not believe in coincidences."

I always get my exam results the day I go to JB...HAHA!and that above quote suitably sums it all, because today, I'm going JB with Cat and Andre (big lantern much?) which is where I shared the quote with them =D

09:50

Thursday, May 27, 2010

the picture speaks for itself

I don't intend to make this blog into Stomp.

But sometimes, I feel irritated about what I see around me. I'm ok with younger people taking up seats while some older people stand. That's because it's very circumstantial. What if that young guy just stepped out of day surgery? What if that old man (like my PE teacher) runs marathons?

However, THIS, I cannot tolerate.

There's nothing circumstantial about it. NOTHING.

I don't see how a dead piece of pig and some limp vegetables deserve a seat. Period.

15:06

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

watch

I know it's kinda early to ask, but i was just examining my watch today and a thought just came to my mind.

I want a watch for my birthday. One that is exactly like mine (HAHA! I know that is not always possible)..like you know, metal, the right width, the right size (because I can't wear very small or large watches), one that also can 'stand' like the watch I have now.

Is that asking a lot? =X

It's also very inauspicious to give people watch for their birthday right? But hey, I'll pay you 5cents for the effort ok?! So that it would seem that you're not really giving me a watch but rather I'm 'paying' you, so no bad luck lor...I think it's the first time I have to pay someone for my birthday present...wahaha!

In any case, I don' understand why I don't hesitate to order 100+ worth of products from benefit, but contemplate 6 months for a 59.90 pair of heels.

I think my spending logic is miswired.

21:09

a fashionable crisis, making up the trouble

These days, I've been having a personal crisis of sorts...

I think feminine literature has screwed my mind too much that I lost track of what is 'really out there'.

By feminine literature, I don't mean magazines like Vogue, or Cleo. I mean literature written about the contraptions of women, or just about women in general.

Is makeup a form of female subordination, or a source of female individualism. We choose to cover our flaws with concealors that come in 108310283 forms and colours, shave our eyebrows so we can draw them back again, and try to make our eyes larger through faux lashes and eyeliners.

Are women 'made' to do this so they can be attractive to males? Is this all a mating game?

In the animal kingdom, strangely, it's the males who do the attracting and females who are being attracted (i.e. male peacocks, lions, plants). In the human kingdom, it's the males who are attracted and the females who do the attracting.

Suppose there is something wrong with this picture? Then again, some people might argue that humans are different. How different we are begs another arena of discourse entirely.

I think on one hand we want to be different, and on the other hand we embrace being part of the norm. It's really like a entrapment of sorts. Say no woman on this planet wants to put makeup, then it would be the norm right? Then women would have to assert their individualistic qualities more in perhaps their work, their status etc.

However today, the use of cosmetic products is the norm. We see people with make up, we are constantly told to put some before meeting a client and make up is a must during special occasions like weddings and photo shoots.

As more people are caught in the norm of things, then people also want to assert their individuality yet not be entirely different. That's why I think we have 229319212 shades of eyeshadow (which I'm an addict of) and 989428 types of foundation. I want to be the same, but different.

I think fashion follows the same line of arguement...we want to be seen with the crowd, yet also be different. That's why there's jeans, and there's DESIGNER jeans.

It can be a case for distinguishing social classes, or it can be another way to tell someone about who you are as a person - which is why magazines constantly dub make up looks as 'Flirty', 'Naturale', 'Punk'....

A handful of bold people I know do not embrace it and will not. I envy their courage and feel that their resistance is perhaps what the feminist scholars are fighting for. And then if I look on the other bank, there's this overwhelming pull towards the 'norm'.

Sometimes we ask ourselves why we put make up? It's because we want to look prettier, more presentable. For who and for what purpose?

I still am not giving up because life is much more complex than that. Make up can be a way a woman tells her beloved that she wants to look prettier for him, even if he does not care. It's the same way a man wants to be taller for his girlfriend/wife because he thinks he can be more 'comforting' - although both cases, the opposite party might not even give a damn.

It's more than just powders and palettes, and that's kinda like a rhetorical question right?

Somehow I tend to test the waters first, if everyone doesn't care whether I powdered up today or not, then for this group of people, it won't be necessary =)

But there's another world, another sphere of existence that mandates one to cover up pimples and freckles.

I guess the solution is to find a middle ground, to dress and react accordingly to the sphere you are walking in. We can't exactly change the world at once, but I think once people start to lose their guard, one day we'll find that we no longer need those products.

Although frankly, I don't think I'll live to see that day. HAHAHA!

YES, I still blame the cosmetic advertisements. Everytime I walk by one, I admire it's aesthetic of the photography, and then feel like pasting a very big sticker saying 'THIS IS PHOTOSHOPPED'.

Just writing something to ease my troubled mind...

17:05

Monday, May 24, 2010

raining

First ******* lesson and it's raining.

This is beyond suay. walao!

OK, i censored the type of lesson i'm going so that embarassment can be spared if I don't pass the first round. Then again, by your own powers of deduction, you probably can tell what kind of lesson i'm going for.

AH...not feeling well at all! Parties next week, a thousand presents to prepare and one sick father to deal with.

My dad just went for an operation to remove a clot in his rectum. I blame it on his refined diet (no dietary fibre at all!) and his obsession with Coke. HAHA! ok la...his bum is quite sore now. Strangely, my dad prefers to sleep on the floor with a mattress because he says that's more comfortable. Something about my bed being too hard and my maid's bed being too soft...people come my house later say i father-abuse arh! so must write disclaimer here.

ANYWAY...lots of happening things coming up!

3-4th June: NEH's 21st!

5th June: Jwen's 21st!

7-11 June: PHUKET

19th June: Nat's dinner party at Holland V

22nd June: Kris's Party!

27th June: Dad's birthday (50th)

28th June: *** test

29th June: Shangyi's birthday

30th June: Vonk's 21st

July 5th: Cat's UN-Party at haunted Changi Chalet...geez!I'm bringing all my fus there la!

BUSY MONTHS! but hey...never too busy for a date to ktv, makan or shopping/chillax! =D

Claudia is happiest when she is occupied. So make her happy now!

( I sound like a commercial)

11:09

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

birthday dilemma

i'm not too sure how to celebrate my birthday....recess week is from 18th Sept to 26th Sept...but NTU people will definitely have a different break because of YOG...and usually after recess week, people are busy with their mid-term tests, projects, deadlines. It would be unfair for them as well.

I don't want a party...I just want to have different parties for different groups of friends...like going out for a fun activity with 222, or just a simple dinner with some of my NUS (or ex-NUS wrt to JT, Cindy and Char) folks.

I would very much prefer that....HAHAHA, I even told nat, maybe I should just celebrate in December when everyone is more free....WAHAHAHA!

11:41

Monday, May 17, 2010

all or nothing

This is not an all or nothing world.

Sometimes we fail to remember that when we are going through a difficult situation when it feels easier to give up and put in the effort.

I am against taking to reasons or explanations to justify situations just because they are convenient. From my limited experience, the truth is hardly convenient, but it is important - even if they make us uneasy.

This world is neither Black nor White. It's all painted in shades of greys and the rules only make it easier for us to discern the tones of darkness because we cannot imagine a world that is without.

What if we start thinking in terms of shades instead of colours? What may be considered 'right' can be taken for granted as what is 'wrong'. I personally think the Romantics got it right afterall....life cannot be logical all the time. Sometimes it must be lived through feeling and emotion. After all, that's what our limbic system is for. Who says that our neocortex (rational) is necessarily of a higher function than our limbic system?

I think many people will agree that love is an emotion that can lead one to do irrational things - sometimes good, sometimes devastating, but always willing.

If our neocortex is the higher function, then why do we value how we make other people feel, how we feel, or how people make us feel all the time? It's not so black and white now isn't it?

We study invest so much into rational principles simply because we cannot imagine the alternative - the irrational, the feeling and the lack of control. Personally, I have a tension between the rational and 'letting it go'....then again, life has proven that while we can look forward and plan....in reality, things may not always be in our hands.

Pisano can plan all he want...but then, shit can always happen.

( I like the juxtaposition of the rational principles of the Tower, and uncalled-leaning of it due to some screw-up in the soft ground....tension of opposites I guess)

21:48

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Baking Brownies!

HARLO WORLD!

HAHA...yes, I am high for a reason, Thursday was the ZOOOO day!

The last time was January, which was like damn long time ago!

On the off-side, my right shoulder hurts....just to quote yvonne, "I'm too young to be spending money on Salonpas (or in my case, Yoko Yoko)".

In any case, wednesday's activity might have something to do with it...I baked brownies! HAHA...finally it's successful (at least it came out in one piece this time, not sure about the taste though)!

I think it's the oven because although the recipe said 40mins, it turned out that each tin took almost 2hrs!!

So the top was charred by then =( Waideck was right, I need a heating system that heats from the bottom instead of the top.

In any case, I love the mixing part. Do you now that melting chocolate was positively aphrodiasic-ish? That's my ultimate destress moment, watching the chocolate melt slowly over the heat....stirring stirring....WAH...shiok!

So added the chocolate to the sugar and butter, mixed in the eggs and TADAH!

It's super sticky man, i think the sugar and chocolate have something to do with it. so 6 eggs and loads of arm power later, the mixture smoothed out and it became

But that was not the end! I didn't take the pictures after this mixing process because it was such a mess folding the flour. Poured the nutless ones into the aluminium foil for the non-nutty

people (HAHA...got the joke?) and the tin for the nutty ones...=D

Heehee....I wish you could smell through the screen =X

OK...so all of these happened on Wed afternoon...so we would have breakfast for Thursday Zoo since it's an early meet =) Zhiwei brought her heavenly oatmeal too!

In any case, it was great fun and I laughed so hard that at what everyone said that it was hard to keep track of it all....it was a great time despite the rain...=) and thanks Chris-bitch-sister for the weather info, we would have been drenched without you.

Thanks for having me around! <3

08:42

Monday, May 10, 2010

Afternoon showers with thunder

I dread when the forecast shows something like this and I have outdoor activities going on.

So finally wound down since exams...I think people might consider my habits to be queer....like 'wind down' from exams?

I sometimes get too caught up with the stuff, that I seem to be living in it. It's great especially if you're doing something you like or when the topics are interesting and you have a million thoughts running through your head.

To step back from all these after exams is a conscious effort on my part. HAHAHA....you never get the feeling meh? Like you are at a great game/show and when you step out, you never really seem to recuperate your soul from the previous activity.

HAHA....It's time to kick into higher gear to do the things i wanna do. I have 2 secret projects....and then there's preparing to go Phuket, preparing gatherings, preparing people's 21st birthdays.

Speaking of phuket....Chris and I were thinking of doing a video blog-ish thingy for the trip. Haven't decided yet, he may just decide to film me sleeping with my mouth slightly open and limbs everywhere just for the tat-glam hell of it.=.= I already feel like the bullied little sister.

WHEE~I love it when there are things happening....=) *excited*

DATE ME! PLEASE~

HAHAHAHA....do I sound despo already?

222, can't wait for paintball day! =D try not to mistake me for xinyi or van or nat k, it's them you all wanna 'kill'? HAHAHA...then again if JH comes at all, he'll be slaughtered - girls, make sure to aim lower.

11:05

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

I almost forgot that I can't bring flowers to the hospital because stagnant water and vases are not welcomed.

In any case, I find that mother's day is kinda dwindling down. While looking for Mother Day's gifts, it was far and few between. =\ I don't think that Mother's day are not celebrated anymore, maybe people decide to use other options?

HAHA...I still remember my mum telling me to clean the house for her since it's her day off...it'll be great and noble if I didn't already clean the house WITH her every weekend.

I call it child-labour. Then again, what's that compared to 9 months of carrying me? I always thought that argument was flawed and can only be applied to men only. Why? Because they don't need to carry their children next time so that have nothing (literally) to compare to the 9months their mothers had to go through. Women on the other hand, have to. So yes, I will never use the 9 month-excuse on my daughter.

For mother's day, I want to embrace my mum's strengths as well as weaknesses, to remember the times when she lost control of her temper, or the times when she didn't do right. I think those times are as important as the good things she has done. It's a reminder that my mum is also a person who despite all her weaknesses, loves me.

There really is no manual for parenthood. So one can only imagine how difficult it is to bring up a child and always second-guessing yourself. I understand not everyone can applaud their mother's achievements, but I believe we can all applaud for her efforts.

Our parents make it seem so effortless sometimes, we forget the real work that goes behind the curtains.

Give you mum a break (or dad)....forgive her mistakes and move on. Simply because for some, there's not much time left, for others, you don't see how little time you have.

________________________________________

For Terrena and Zoee....this must be a difficult time for you guys and I hope from the bottom of my heart that you find peace and comfort during Mother's Day.

Stay strong!

14:47

Saturday, May 08, 2010

The Romantic Thesis

I have been listening to a lot of love songs lately, reading to chick-lit because anything else reminds me of journals (plus they always have good endings) and watching a lot of shows - which by Hollywood standards, are 99.9% ending with the chick kissing the dick.

No, not the metaphorical dick. They are very much PG-rated shows thankyouverymuch.

In any case, I was wondering what makes love so enticing to the mind and everything else (even Marx and Durkheim) seem only second best. For instance, I really do enjoy reading Harvey, but for some reason, their knowledge and arguments can never 'sell' me the fantasy of a better world - although their jobs are forever changing the world we live in. Somehow, we are never completely sold by their ideas.

On the other hand, romantic films, books and music sell platinum numbers and then some more. How many times we listen to a love song and teared, or hold on to a chick-lit novel hoping that some gallant knight in shiny armor will come to rescue you...etc. Yet, those fantasy of a better world are no less probable than Marx's communist regime. The difference is that we buy it (literally) and we are willing to be sold by it as well.

Some people probably have some notion of what I'm saying...."sex sells!" or "people are always looking for love."

But what is it about love that makes us WANT it...closer friends will know my obsession with this erm...area?

Love brings pain because the loss is greater, words and actions done will hurt more. So rationally speaking - humans will maximise their self-interest. Economically speaking, people will stay away from love right?

I don't suppose that logic works. Even a sociopath (a person with no human-ly feelings whatsoever) will tell you that love doesn't quite work like that.

Firstly, what the media sells of love - is a fantasy. In life, precisely because there is no happily-ever-after that makes this fantasy so attractive to us, consumers. We buy it because we don't have it. Makes sense yes? If we follow that train of thought, then why don't we also buy the ideas in journals or books? They also sell a fantasy that we don't have currently. Why, even learned people in Universities also occasionally indulge in the fantasy of the happily-ever-after. However, we must divorce romance from love. The two do not go together. People don't want to believe that because it means that all the 'fun' will be thrown out as well - that's why grand gestures, romantic ways and candlelight dinners are attractive. They are attractive precisely because they do not exist in reality. We are attracted to what we do not have.

I personally think it is because we see emotions as something as less. We want the tangible manifestations of candlelight dinners and roses to be assured that the other person still cares. Subconsciously, in our actions, we do not take our emotions seriously. We dismiss emotions for the more positivist and calculable odds (like the $90 bouquet).

This is where we throw economists out of the window. Opportunity cost does not apply to Love.

Love does not mean displays of affection. It doesn't mean you have to feel that warm fuzzy feeling all the time. For me, it is something that is steady - like when that person creeps into your heart, he/she never leaves. It would mean more when that person can spend time with you, know your tempers and be there when you need it most. Romance and candles do not necessary mean these things are in place.

I would rather be given an ice-cream cone for valentine's day (or any other day) than flowers because they mean more. It shows that he knows and he doesn't give a damn if I put on an additional kg because of the dairy sins that are infused in that deep dark cream chocolate cone.

Secondly, we believe that we can attain that fantasy more readily than utopia because it is individualistic. Meaning, 'it is my life and affects my life only'. My happiness matters here - so when I marry my future husband (wherever the hell he is), it is my choice and my life that is affected. However, many times, we do not see the long term effects of a union - marriage or not. It affects everyone around you. Your life changes because it no longer revolves around you anymore. Your friends, family and even a pet will be affected by that new person that enters into your life.

Ever hear what people always say? You never just marry your spouse. You marry the family as well. From the looks of mine, I can tell you that is very very true. They are there - through hell or high water.

Why am I writing this? A case of sour grapes?

Perhaps, I'm writing this as much for myself as it is for you, my dear reader. We sometimes need to remind ourselves what is at stake when we enter a relationship.

After we throw out the kisses, hugs and erm...censored scenes of movies and books...what we can learn from them is perhaps a very simple logic - what love is not.

Perhaps, a very long essay to explain this fact is unnecessary. However, I believe that the train of thought that leads to the conclusion is important. Many times we reach a conclusion that is not reallly our own simply because we never processed it ourselves. So in a sense, we never truly buy the conclusion of these handed down wisdom.

There is no such thing as a happily-ever-after. No prince will sweep you off your feet. No such things as candlelight dinners. No heart-wrenching soundtrack plays when two 'destined lovers' meet. No 'No cheating' husbands and wives. They are all very real. They are reality.

It is not wiping the rosy slate of love away. I do believe that magic exists within a relationship in its own way. What I am proposing is perhaps to look at love from another angle. If we come to expect that happily-ever-after, then we risk the step-sister ending who is constantly searching for something that never belonged to her in the first place.

We don't fall in love. We be in love. Love is work and like all other kinds of work, it is not easy. However, I do believe it pays off tremendously.

My point for this whole thing is that we need to treasure our partners before it's too late and that love takes a lot of work. It is never the flowers we want - it is the attention and care.

If you realised, they never quite show what happens when the couple rides away into the sunset after getting together.
__________________________________________________________

I am writing this because many of my friends are getting hooked, hitched and hiked. Okay, not in that way or order...but perhaps in the spirit of things - I thought I'll be the grim reaper, devil's advocate and bringer-of-bad-news to remind us all how difficult it can be so that we can treasure what we have more.

See? Cautiously optimistic.

Of course, I do wish those who are in a relationship find happiness, and I continually wish for those who are seeking, to find someone they can grow with and be in love.

My "Prince Charming" letters are of course for a metaphorical person. He never existed and never will.

Sometimes, I take the fun out of everything. HAHAHA!

12:01

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Breather (Kuan, 2010)

Yvonne Kuan accuse me of not citing her because I happened to have plagerised her title...like one day after she posted her blog 'breather', i wrote 'breather' as my title here....so yes, i'm CITING you ok Prof Kuan?!

HAHA...

Yesterday was a very interesting shopping trip....went to sim lim for tech shopping. I had to buy a mouse so that i don't need to fight with my dad for it...MUAHAHA, and a portable speaker (they come in SUCH SMALL SIZES NOW!) for Phuket...i need music wherever i go la, so it's only time that i need one.

Deviating....: How did people live before MP3?

In any case, yesterday i saw a heart-shaped mouse. It was really cute. But the red colour was cheapo looking and as yvonne summed it in one word: "It looks....CHINA."

Ok fine, while 99.9% of our things are now manufactured in China-land, it doesn't mean it has to look like it's from there as well.

Ah...embrace superficiality people.

Then went to get presents for Yvonne's mum at Plaza Sing....

Deviating...2: the both of us were wondering when is mother's day...like we didn't know it was this coming sunday and yvonne still thought it was the next next sunday. Thank goodness for iphone and wifi...mother's day date was just a google away.

For yvonne, she had to practise her 'art of taking out the wallet' because she so rarely does it to pay. Come on, she changes her wallet every 500 years, so I suppose that art is not well-used indeed. O.O

HAHA...so therein ends my shopping trip. It's pretty soothing to be able to shop for things you actually need than things you want. OK....it sounds like a nut case already - but my point is that you don't need to feel guilty afterwards or regret.

Sometimes, fun is just fun. We don't need to over-analyse what makes us happy.

Today gonna meet up with Eri, Peiyu and Liya for lunch and shoe shopping! Speaking of which, I fell in love with this pair of Americaya 5 inch heels which are the most comfortable heels I've ever worn. But it's pretty expensive =(

THEN! later gonna go with weijun, sabu, jia yun and ying le to celebrate the latter two birthday...with kite flying at marina barrage for dessert!

HAHA....i love it when everyone is starting to finish their exams! =D

For those people who have not, hang in there!

11:09

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

and so my life begins

I've been nua-ing for the past 72 hours so much that I can't find my backbone anymore. I seem to have left it in a place between my bed and sofa.

Hahaha...but nope! Nua-ing no more! Aiyah....this is Claudia Wong leh, you think she can possibly just sit still and do nothing?

So today going out with yvonne to get a mouse (the electronic one) and some other stuff for her friends. And tomorrow gonna meet my long-lost primary school friends for lunch and shopping...i really can't wait! It's been ages since we've met =D

Then Thurs is tuition day....and Friday may be having picnic with Chris...then again that bitch brother of mine still hasn't called me back.

(but hey, if you wanna call me out I can ditch that ass anytime you knw....WAHAHA)

Then next sunday is paintball shooting with 222! Nat was right, she say this 'post-graduation' activity say until now still haven't go. I told her if we drag it out anymore, we'll go when we're 30. HAHAHA!

AND FINALLY! I can practice my piano...geez, he's missing me already la...recently took off his clothes to wash because it was really dusty and yeah, he looks amazing without it, the shine muscular body of his just urges me to touch him you know, he sounds better without it too...more bright and loud....hmm, maybe I should undress him more often...HAHAHA! OKOK, this blog is strictly PG-rated.

I really can't wait to visit my relatives (the snakes in the zoo) and say hi!

Claudia is happy that she got her life back...NOW, fun and happiness can begin.

As her friends are free one-by-one...yay!

___________________________________________

Happiness is a choice. It's a conscious choice to be made. So that's why, I choose to be happy, to be cautiously optimistic.

12:24

Monday, May 03, 2010

A bump in the head

I have unfurled the mystery to my idiosyncracies. My dad just revealed the reason to me.

When I was about 1 years old, when crawling was my greatest past time, my mum took a sabbatical in Europe.

Ok, granted, it wasn't really a sabbatical given she was there to enjoy after 9 months of carrying me. Given how I'm not an easy baby, I can empathize with that.

So my dear father was in charge with the honorable task of bathing, feeding and petting me (I can only sleep when petted on my bottom. Sometimes I still need that, but am too embarrassed to ask. HAHA)

Then one fine night, my dad left me on the bed while he grabbed a drink from the kitchen. Somehow I managed to roll off the bed while landing head first. Lucky the bed wasn't very high and my skull was pretty thick. Had a big bruise, but otherwise brawling like crazy.

Hahahaha....so now you know why I'm weird (because I like Durkheim). I had a huge bump in the head during my most vulnerable period....

In any case, my dad was quite cute, he told me that he carried me out of the house, sat at the staircase and cried. LIKE HELLO? Emergency and my dad sat outside of the house and cried. OK, retrospectively, it was pretty funny. HAHAHA...

I love family stories, they make the everyday humourous =)

22:57

Sunday, May 02, 2010

barbeque bare (bear)

I came home from tuition and this is what I found. My bear being drawn and quartered on my window sill for barbeque.

I hope he dries soon! This is the only bear I can hug without reaction from my overly-sensitive nose (it predicts weather too!)...HAHA

*muacks*

16:30