For the Love

My total weight loss for the month of March is 3.8 pounds. I am now 197.2, which means I've officially lost 64 pounds! I wish the total weight loss were higher, but as long as I don't see a gain, I'm happy. Since starting this journey, I've never weighed more at the end of the month than I did at the beginning of the month, so I'm definitely trending in the right direction.

Here's how I did with my goals for March:

1. Exercise at least 1200 minutes.
STATUS: I ended up with 1133 minutes, which is close but not quite enough.
2. Burn at least 3000 calories each week.
STATUS: I only did this 2/4 weeks. That's pretty sad.
3. Drink 80 oz. of water daily.
STATUS: I think I did this about half of the time.
4. Consumer 60g of protein daily.
STATUS: I DID do this every day!
5. Begin Couch25K program. I tried this sometime last year, but I don't think my body was ready for it. I'm determined to keep at it this time. At the end of 9 weeks, I should be able to run a 5k. I think running would be a great addition to my cardio regimen, so I really want to make this happen! My Couch25K days will be every Mon., Wed., and Fri.
STATUS: Did it and still working on it.
6. Strength training for 3 sessions a week. I am good at getting in 2 sessions per week, but I'd like to increase to 3 because strength training is so important for building muscle mass and losing inches. I will strength train every Tues., Thurs., and Sat. unless I decide to pair the strength training with my Couch25K sessions.
STATUS: Only did this for the first week. I think it's too much for me to do 3 sessions a week on top of trying to run, so I'm okay with only doing 2 sessions a week.
7. Read 2 books. This one isn't fitness-related, but my reading has been pathetic lately, and I want to remedy that. The books I plan to read (but of course this may change): The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller and The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (given to us by my mom). I think Stephen and I are pretty good with our finances, but my mom insists this book is a must-read for young couples like us, so I'll give it a shot.
STATUS: I did this! I read both of those books, and I'm currently halfway through a third one called Three Cups of Tea. I loved The Prodigal God and would definitely recommend it. The Total Money Makeover had a lot of good information in it, and even though I don't agree with everything Ramsey says, he's very practical and no-nonsense in his approach.

Looking at the month overall, I'm not very happy with how I did with my goals. I think the main problem is that I forgot about a few of them (namely the first two), and there were also perhaps too many for me to focus on all of them. I also don't think it's realistic to expect myself to burn 3000+ calories every week, since doing that requires more time than it used to now that I've lost a considerable amount of weight.

With simplicity and sustainability in mind, here are my goals for April:

1. Exercise between 225-250 minutes a week.
2. Do 2 full body strength sessions each week.
3. Continue with Couch to 5k.
4. Read 2 books.

That's it! I'm keeping it simple, and hopefully this month will be more successful than last month!

Friday was day 3 of week 4, and it was HARD. I almost didn't complete the last 5-minute run. After the first 5-minute run, my shins were burning, and so I stretched some more, and then after the next 3-minute run, I was feeling fatigued. I started the session at 5.0 mph, but I had to kick it back to 4.8, then 4.7. 4.7! That seems so slow to me, especially when I typically walk at 4.2-4.3 mph. Anyway, the recovery walk before the last run seemed WAY too short, so I took an extra minute to recover, and then I told myself I would only do 3 minutes instead of 5 and call it a day. So I started jogging again, and it was all I could do not to look at the clock every 5 seconds to see how much time had passed. The negative self-talk started up. I started thinking that I would never be able to complete the program, that if I did complete it I would have the slowest time in the world, and on the day of the 5k I'd finish dead last, and that I would never improve. Somehow, I realized the poisonous nature of this internal dialogue and remembered that the quickest path to failure is pessimism, and I stopped the negativity. Then I started imagining I was at a race, and all of my friends and family were cheering me on. 1 minute passed, then 2 and 3, and I told myself, "I've already done this much, surely I can do a little more! Just because it's hard doesn't mean I can't do it!" So I ran the full 5 minutes and officially completed week 4!

However, I have decided to repeat week 4. I feel like it was more difficult at the end than at the beginning, which is the opposite of how I have felt previous weeks, and I don't want to push myself more than my body can handle. It really kills me to repeat a week, and I keep thinking I have failed, but the only way I will have truly failed is if I stop trying. And I'm definitely not going to stop trying.

My plan this week is to focus on doing 2 sessions of week 4 again, and then if I feel good, I may attempt day 1 of week 5. I'm just going to take it a day at a time and be careful and listen to my body.

Now here's hoping I survive!

It's been a while since I've posted progress pics, so here are two:
The first one was taken on the first day of spring, and look! You can see the faint outline of my clavicle! I haven't seen that in YEARS.
The second one was taken a few weeks ago after the scale dipped below 200 pounds for the time since early college days. I'm wearing clothing bought in the misses' department, NOT the plus sizes!

In other news, the husband and I are going to be in Illinois visiting his parents from Monday through Thursday, so this week will be a bit different in that I won't be able to do any strength training. I will have access to a treadmill, though, so week 4 of C25k will commence! I'm excited! Here's my tentative plan, subject to change:

Monday: C25k and additional walking (40-50 minutes)
Tuesday: Treadmill--hill intervals (30-40 minutes)
Wednesday: C25k and additional walking (40-50 minutes)
Thursday: Treadmill--hill intervals (30-40 minutes)
Friday: C25k and additional walking (40-50 minutes)
Saturday: Possibly a stability ball workout; I will be in Nashville Friday night and part of Saturday, and it will depend on what I have time for, at least 30 minutes.

Total minutes for the week: 210 (low estimate)-260 (high estimate)
Calories burned goal: 2500

This will be a very bland week in terms of workout variety, but the goal is to just be active and watch portions and snacking while with the in-laws! I'm looking forward to seeing them; I'm blessed to have the sweetest in-laws in existence. :) I won't be blogging again until after next weekend, so I hope you all have a great week!

I finished W3D3 today, and it was great! Yesterday I had a really strong urge to run, even though I had just done my C25k the day before. Actually wanting to run is a new feeling for me, but I LOVE it! I had gotten into a bit of a fitness rut, and running is just what I needed to make me excited about exercising again! Anyway, yesterday I decided I would just do a short 3-minute run during my walk, and so after my warm-up walk I started jogging. 3 minutes came, and I thought, "I could do 30 more seconds." So I did, and then I thought, "I could do a minute more," and then the next time I checked the time, it had been 5 minutes and 30 seconds! I haven't run for that length of time EVER! And I felt like I could have kept going, but I know it's important to pace myself and not attempt too much, so I stopped and started walking. I felt AMAZING after that walk and so proud of how I am changing my endurance levels.

Today's session was good as well. I have done my past 3 runs outside, and I really enjoy it. I love the feel of the fresh, cool air in my face and the sounds all around me. I want to get in some treadmill runs, though, because I have no idea what my pace is when I'm running outside, and I want to start paying more attention to that and try to increase it a little each week. I tacked on an extra 5 minutes of jogging to the end of this session, too, as next week's C25k involves 5 minute jogs, and I want to be ready. I think at the beginning of this program I would have freaked out when seeing those 5-minute runs on the schedule, but not anymore. Now I am ready and waiting! I can't wait to see my progress at the end of the 9 weeks!

5k race, here I come!

This week was Grand Ole Opry week, and I never have high hopes for this week because country is just not for everyone. Last night was better than I was expecting, but overall it was "just a'ight."

My favorites:
1. Anoop singing "You Are Always on My Mind": the ballad is a perfect genre for him, and he was excellent on this song. Hopefully people will begin taking him more seriously.
2. Allison singing "Blame It on Your Heart": I really like this girl; she's ridiculously talented, in my opinion, and I thought the song choice was a good one.
3. Megan singing "I Go Out Walking After Midnight": The girl had the flu and you wouldn't have known it had the judges not mentioned it. I know her voice is pretty limited in its style, but I can't help but like her, weird hip gyrations and all.
4. Kris singing "To Make You Feel My Love": Initially, I thought his performance was kind of boring, but it's grown on me a lot. I could imagine hearing it on the radio. He has a lovely voice.

The mediocre:
1. Danny singing "Jesus Take the Wheel": I like the gravelly quality to his voice, but the beginning of the song was a bit rough.
2. Lil singing "Independence Day": She should have chosen a different song, as this one just didn't work. However, I don't think she should have chosen "I Willl Always Love You," as the judges said, because I have no doubt that then they would have said it was a safe choice.
3. Alexis singing "Jolene": I like her some weeks, and then other weeks I don't. I just can't decide. Plus, Brooke White sang this song last year, and did a much better job, I think.
4. Matt singing "So Small": I love this song, but Matt's voice has this nasally, whiny quality to it that I can't get past.

The below average:
1. Michael singing "Ain't Going Down Til the Sun Comes Up": I had a hard time understanding the words, and he needs to open his mouth more when he sings.
2. Scott: I like his piano playing and his spirit, but the vocal's just not there.

The horrendously bad:
1. Adam singing "Ring of Fire": There are no good words to describe this performance. It was bizarre, uncomfortable, absurd, and, to borrow Simon's word, "indulgent." In short, it was a disaster. He deserves to go home just because of that.

The bottom 2: Megan and Michael
Going home: Michael

Today was Week 3, Day 1 (W3D1) of C25k, and I was completely dreading it. I have never been a runner, and times in the past when I've tried to run, I've given up rather quickly because I was gasping for air and feeling as though I might die. However, I made it through the first 2 weeks of the program with little difficulty, but then I looked at the schedule for Week 3, and I freaked out. Last week, each session consisted of 90-second intervals of running with 2-minute intervals of walking. This week it is 90 seconds of jogging, 90 seconds of walking, then 3 MINUTES of jogging followed by 3 minutes of walking, and repeat. So essentially the jogging intervals double this week, and that seemed almost impossible to me. Over the weekend I battled myself, the pessimist in me thinking, "There's no way I'm going to be able to run 3 minutes; it's just not going to happen. I'll have to do less and just try to do week 3 again next week." Then the optimist in me started thinking, "Well, maybe you can do it, but you'll have to take it really slowly. And you can always take a longer break between the jogs." The pessimist in me talked much louder, though, so when this morning came I was anxious but told myself that even if I had to jog at 4.4 mph (I walk at 4.2), I would NOT quit.

I started my 5-minute warm-up walk, mentally preparing myself for the jog coming up. I use a great podcast that has voice cues that tell me when to start jogging and when to stop, so when the voice said, "Prepare for your first run," I steeled myself, upped the speed to 5.0, and started jogging. As I ran, I kept up a steady refrain in my head of Don't look at the clock, don't look at the clock. If I didn't look, perhaps the time would go faster, perhaps I wouldn't freak out if I didn't realize I still had 2 minutes left. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, the voice told me, "Now go into your recovery walk," and then I looked at the clock and remembered that before doing the 3 minute jog, I had to do a 1.5 minute jog! I hadn't even done the whole 3 minutes yet! Oh goodness, how was I going to do it?

The 90 seconds of walking seemed to fly by in half the time of the running segment, and before I knew it the voice came back, telling me it was time to begin my 3-minute run. Here we go, I thought, the moment of truth has arrived. I began my mantra again. Don't look at the clock. Don't look at the clock. But my resolve weakened, and I snuck a peak: 1.5 minutes done. I was halfway there! I thought of Dory from Finding Nemo and began chanting in my head, just keep running, just keep running.

So I did. And I did it, I completed the whole session! I didn't have to take a longer recovery walk, I didn't decrease my speed, I didn't quit. I did it! I am so proud of myself for trying this and not giving up. So often I have thought about attempting things and then have dismissed them for fear of failing. As mentioned previously, I like to try things I feel pretty certain I will succeed in, and running never seemed like one of those things. Now I wonder if I could have done it all along. Have I been selling myself short, telling myself I couldn't do it all these years, when in fact I just hadn't pushed myself enough? What else am I missing out on because I don't want to try, to believe that I can do it?

What is something you are afraid to try?

I saw this on facebook, and I thought it would be interesting to see how many my readers can guess. I've listed 12 quotes from my favorite movies, and your job is to guess what movie the quote comes from. DON'T cheat by using Google or IMDB!

1. “I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I'd ever have time for a job; how do people cram them in?”

2. “Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”

3. “She is tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

4. “What we got here is... failure to communicate.”

5. “Now you're looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled.”

6. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”

7. “Well I'm not looking for a mail-order bride! I just want somebody I can have a decent conversation with over dinner. Without it falling down into weepy tears over some movie!”

8. “Very simple, really. With the original punctuation restored Death is no longer something to act out on a stage with exclamation marks. It is a comma. A pause.”

9. “It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.”

10. “Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

11. “You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”

12. “Can he love her? Can the soul be really be satisfied with such polite affections? To love is to burn - to be on fire, like Juliet or Guinevere or Eloise...”

Ready, set, go! Start guessing!

I'm still at 199.6. BLAH. But at least I haven't gained; I'm simply maintaining, which is nice I suppose, but I have about 38 more pounds to lose! I don't want to maintain here. I think it's possible that my body is fighting me because I haven't been this weight in about 8 years, so it's foreign to me. And the amount of weight I've lost (almost 62 pounds) is just a little more than the most amount of weight I lost the last time I lost weight, so I think it's going to be a struggle to get the rest of these pounds off. However, I am in it for the long haul, and I have not put a deadline on when I will reach my goal weight (after realizing it wasn't going to happen in a year--what was I thinking??), so I know that all I have to do is keep doing the right things day in and day out. I will get there eventually, and here's hoping I stay there and NEVER again become what I used to be.

I have to say, this season's contestants are "just aight" for me (in the words of Randy Jackson). I am not terribly excited about any of them at this point, but there's hopefully room for growth and added potential as the weeks continue. The judges made some poor choices during Wild Card week, in my opinion, and Tuesday's performances made me all the more sad that Jamar didn't even make the final cut. He would have been awesome doing a Michael Jackson song, no doubt.

All that being said, my favorites for the evening (not really in a particular order):
1. Megan: Her song choice ("Rockin' Robin") was horrible, but she sang it really well, and there's something very charming and unique about her.
2. Allison: I think in a few places, her version of "Give In to Me" was hard to understand, but overall I thought she was great. It's hard to believe she's 16. She's the rocker chick of this season, and I hope she sticks around for a while.
3. Lil: Even though some would say her choice of "The Way You Make Me Feel" was safe, I thought she did a great job, and her vocal skills are far and above most others in the competition.
4. Anoop: Even though the judges didn't like his cover of "Beat It," I thought it was fun and catchy. I'm having a hard time figuring out what kind of artist he is, though, and I'm not sure the judges' feedback tonight will do him any favors.
5. Danny: His version of "PYT" was a little screamy, but he's really talented and made the song fun, and I think he'll be around for a while.

Here are the ones I thought were mediocre:
1. Scott: The guy has passion and heart, but ultimately I'm just not impressed with his vocals. I had never heard "Keep the Faith" before, but it's all kinds of cheesy.
2. Kris: Kris's mannerisms during "Remember the Time" reminded me so much of Jason Mraz. He's cute and talented, but I don't think he's going to go very far in the competition.
3. Jorge: I really like Jorge and think he adds a nice dimension to the show, but his version of "Never Gonna Say Goodbye" was cheesy and not at all pitch-perfect. He can definitely do better. Let's hope he sticks around long enough to prove it.
4. Alexis: I could almost put her in the first group, but I almost think she tries too hard and ends up oversinging. She'll be around for a long time, though.

The ones I didn't love:
1. Jasmine: In my opinion, she should not have made the top 13; I think she got through on her looks. "I'll Be There" was a good song choice for her, but there's a nasal quality to her voice that I could do without.
2. Adam Lambert: I won't deny that the boy can sing, but he's so theatrical and over the top that it detracts from his obvious vocal prowess.
3. Matt: The song ended pretty abruptly, and I didn't like his voice tonight as much as I used to.
4. Michael: He sang "You Are Not Alone" better than I thought he would, but it was B-O-R-I-N-G.

My predictions for tonight's elimination (but honestly, I have no clue how it will play out):
Bottom 3: Jorge, Jasmine, and Michael.
Going home: Michael and Jasmine

I took a break from planning workouts last week, but I kind of felt scattered without a plan, so I'm back to it. However, I've changed my plan every week I've had one, but having something on paper helps me focus and gives me that option.

Monday: 50 minute walk (W2D1 of Couch25K)
Tuesday: Cardio and weights at the gym (50-60 minutes)
Wednesday: W2D2 of Couch25Kand some stability ball work (50 minutes)
Thursday: Cardio and weights at the gym (50-60 minutes)
Friday: W2D3 of Couch25Kand additional walking (50 minutes)
Saturday: Cardio and weights at the gym OR at home, depending on what I feel like (50-60 minutes)
Sunday: Pilates for abs, lower, and upper body (30 minutes)

Total minutes: 330-360 minutes

I had planned not to go over 300 minutes a week, but when looking back at January to determine why I lost twice as much weight as in February, I was burning 3000-3700 calories a week and exercising a minimum of 30 minutes a day, and I want to get back to that range in the hopes of seeing better weight loss this month. We'll see what happens!

Many people have said weight loss is simply a matter of "eat less, move more," but it's so much more than that. If that were TRULY all it took, I think there would be more people losing weight. The missing ingredient in that recipe for weight loss is the mental one; losing weight is as much an emotional and mental battle as it is a physical one, and that's what is so difficult to master, in my opinion. You see, in order to "eat less and move more," you have to commit to do those things. You have to realize that your body and your health are important, that your weight can mean the difference between a short life and a long one, the difference between life and death. When you commit to it, you have to commit wholeheartedly and afford yourself no excuses. When I first decided last January that I was going to lose weight, I made a plan to exercise 6 days a week. And so I did that, but it was hard. There were days when that alarm went off at 6:00 a.m., and it was cold and dark, and the last thing in the world I wanted to do was drag my fat butt to the gym. But I did it that first day, and the second day, and the day after that because I knew it's what I had to do to get the weight off, and I was sick and tired of making excuses and selling myself short. I treat exercise like an appointment that I can't miss because if I don't, if I give myself the slightest bit of leeway, I'll stop doing it. I'll find a reason not to one day (I'm tired or I'm too busy), and before I know it, I will have excused myself out of a week of exercise! I have to constantly watch myself, or I will become lazy again. Just yesterday I flaked out on my morning workout because my hips were sore from running, but in the afternoon I made myself workout for 40 minutes because I knew I didn't want to start the pattern of wimping out at the slightest amount of soreness.

And even more difficult (for me, anyway) than the exercise is the eating aspect of all of this. I probably could have lost the 60 pounds a lot faster than I have if I had been stricter with my food intake. However, I know myself and I know that if I were to deprive myself of foods that I love and cut them out of my diet completely, I would be destined to fail. It's happened in the past. I'd be good for a week or two and cut out sweets or chips or whatever, but then one day something would snap, and I'd go nuts, eating donuts and cookies and whatever else I could find. So I allow myself to eat sweets in small amounts, like the occasional brownie or chocolate, and sometimes I go overboard. Sometimes my mind and emotions are in check, and I can resist every temptation, and sometimes I am weak and just desperate for food, and I give in.

Yet what keeps me going is the fact that I know I am not on a diet. I'm not. People on diets get sidetracked one day and eat bad stuff or don't exercise, and then they beat themselves up, call themselves failures, and give up. That's why diets don't work; people see them as temporary fixes instead of permanent solutions. I am making changes to my lifestyle that I know I can sustain. I know I can't avoid sweets for the rest of my life, so I'm finding ways to fit them into my diet without doing too much damage to my overall caloric intake. I know to maintain my weight I will have to exercise, so I am consistently exercising and finding different ways to exercise to keep things interesting. Sometimes I don't want to do these things. It's a lot easier to sit on the couch and stuff my face. But I committed to this, and I believe the end result is worth the process, so I do it even when I don't feel like it, and I never regret it. I feel great afterwards. And yet I ALWAYS regret skipping a workout or eating that extra dessert, and I end up feeling horrible afterwards. Looking at those two outcomes, it seems pretty obvious which one I should choose.

Ultimately, the biggest obstacle to losing weight is yourself. Do you believe you can do it? Do you think you're worth the effort? Do you think you can be better? If you believe those things, prove it to yourself and make it happen. I'm not saying it will be easy because truth be told, it's ridiculously difficult. But I will say that it's absolutely, 100% worth it.

I did a happy dance in the bathroom this morning. Why? Because when I weighed myself, the number on the scale started with a ONE! 199.6, but still, I'm in ONEderland!! The last time I was in ONEderland was about 8 years ago, so seeing that number on there was almost surreal. But once I realized it was real, I started jumping up and down and bopping around the bathroom. It was a good time. :) I am so pumped!

My excitement is even greater because today I completed Day 1 of Week 1 of Couch to 5K, and I am so proud of myself! I jogged at a very manageable pace (5.0 and 5.1) and walked at 4.1, and I made it through the whole 20 minutes. I was psyching myself up for it to be really hard, but it wasn't as bad as I told myself it would be (which is usually how my pessimism turns out, haha). I am looking forward to the next session on Thursday but also dreading it because I know that it's not going to be easy, but even if I want to quit, I won't!

I am toying with the idea of finding a 5k to register for, so I have a definite goal to aim for, but I'm also nervous because what if I sign up and then don't make it through the whole 9 weeks of Couch 2 5k? What would you do? Sign up now, or wait until the end of the program?

Feb. starting weight: 204.6
Feb. end weight: 201.0
Total loss: 3.6 pounds

Even though I didn't hit 199, but I did officially reach 60 pounds lost, so I'm really excited! In a little over 13 months, I've lost 60 pounds, and I feel so proud of that. It's been a long and often hard road, but every day has been worth it. I wish I had lost more in February, especially considering the fact that I lost 7.4 pounds in January, but at least I ended the month with a loss instead of a gain, and that's what matters.

Here's a report on how did with my February goals:

1. Exercise for at least 1200 minutes this month: I only had 1030 fitness minutes instead of 1200, and that was due to the light week I had the second week of February.
2. Burn a minimum of 2800 calories a week: With the exception of the second week, I burned over 2800 calories each week.
3. Drink 80 oz. of water daily: I did well with this overall, but a few days I didn't meet this goal.
4. Consume at least 60g of protein daily: I achieved this goal 26/28 days. Not too shabby.
5. Get weight below 200! Not achieved. But I will get there SOOON!
6. Ab work 3 times a week: Again, every week but the second one.
7. Continue measuring portions: Yep.

Goals for March:

1. Exercise at least 1200 minutes.
2. Burn at least 3000 calories each week.
3. Drink 80 oz. of water daily.
4. Consumer 60g of protein daily.
5. Begin Couch25K program. I tried this sometime last year, but I don't think my body was ready for it. I'm determined to keep at it this time. At the end of 9 weeks, I should be able to run a 5k. I think running would be a great addition to my cardio regimen, so I really want to make this happen! My Couch25K days will be every Mon., Wed., and Fri.
6. Strength training for 3 sessions a week. I am good at getting in 2 sessions per week, but I'd like to increase to 3 because strength training is so important for building muscle mass and losing inches. I will strength train every Tues., Thurs., and Sat. unless I decide to pair the strength training with my Couch25K sessions.
7. Read 2 books. This one isn't fitness-related, but my reading has been pathetic lately, and I want to remedy that. The books I plan to read (but of course this may change): The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller and The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (given to us by my mom). I think Stephen and I are pretty good with our finances, but my mom insists this book is a must-read for young couples like us, so I'll give it a shot.

What do you hope to accomplish this month? How will you make those goals happen?