Tonight is Road Trip Eve at our house. We are all wrapped up in packing, organizing, cleaning, and anticipation. Amidst putting together snack bags for the kids, gathering coloring books, crayons and whatever I can think of to keep the kids occupied, doing laundry and packing suitcases, making lists and checking them twice, I have found a minute to update my blog.

The kids are at last in bed with visions of seeing Grandma and Grandpa dancing in their heads. Soon I will be doing the same. I look forward to this trip as much as the kids. I get to go to the home I grew up in, sleep in my old room, walk in my old neighborhood, and most importantly spend time with family, many of whom I only see once a year. It's refreshing to be under my parents roof.

The neighborhood has changed a little, the high school I went to has new buildings, the city has changed drastically (it wasn't even a city when I moved away!), and even my parents' house has undergone some renovation, but home has not changed. Even though I am now grown and am in the role of caretaker for my own children, the nurturing love of my parents is still very apparent. I love that even though I am now in charge of my kids and my "life" I still feel safe and watched over when I am there. I feel safe and watched over by my husband and am well cared for in his love as well, but it is a different parent-child kind of safety that I feel at "home."

So wish me luck, we will be on the road for about 12 hours. I'll check back when I am safely snuggled into my favorite chair in the home of my childhood.

Gracie's layout (traditional paper scrapbooking)

of pictures of her and her favorite doll.

Notice in the bottom right photo her doll is

"holding" a shell and has a flower on her hat.

I was dead tired by the time I put the twins down, and I was worried that I wouldn't have the patience to make our experience a good one, but I reminded myself what a rare and important opportunity this was for her. I could work on scrapbooking with her any time, maybe even one on one, but our time would be interrupted and disjointed as I also took care of the other kid's needs at the same time. Tonight I sat the the table and watched and listened and followed her cues. She had my full and undivided attention. It was as nourishing to me as a mother as it was to her as a child.

While my mother was in town she read bedtime stories to my kids each night, something that I think is a great part of childhood, but that I have not been doing. I used to sit at the end of the hall with the four oldest kids' bedroom doors open and read a chapter out of a book to them each night. I would choose something that would interest my oldest kids and not be too far over the head of my fourth child (the twins got their own reading time during the day). And of course I tried to choose something that held my interest as well, so I didn't dread reading a boring book.

Somehow this past school year I let the tradition go. Some nights the kids would get to bed too late, or they were sent to bed early, if you get my meaning, so story time would be missed. Most nights, I hate to admit, I just didn't have the patience for it. I love books, I love to share them with my children, and I believe it is important to end the day on a good note. But I get worn out. The cuddly, sweet, lullaby singing mom leaves at about 7:00pm. The mom who wants space in her head for her own thoughts and wants to sit down and read her own book takes over. I don't feel like being interrupted two or three times during a paragraph, I don't feel like reading over the loud rambunctious kid that can't settle down, and I don't feel like explaining vocabulary.

Sigh. Feelings of guilt. Sigh.

When my first child was a baby I pictured bedtime would always mean a warm bath to settle the child down, clean pj's and a favorite blanket, a nighttime prayer, a story or two, and the little one drifting off to sleep with a peaceful smile on his face and a feeling of comfort, security, and love to take him to dreamland. Fast forward to my reality twelve years later: bathtime is like a relay race, kids jockey for position in front of the sink to brush their teeth, one kid can't find their pj's, another is starving and must have a snack, another needs a drink and is sure to wet the bed if I let them have more than a swallow, hair needs to be brushed and braided, toys are being pulled out when they should be put away, and someone has an emergency because they forgot to do some of their homework or can't find the doll they sleep with, and by the time we gather for prayer I'm practically screaming, "Everybody be quiet so we can PRAY!"

How's that for a relaxing end to the day?

I guess it would be great if after all that chaos I could sit down and read to them while they (theoretically) settled into bed. It might even help them want to get into bed if they were anxious to hear the next chapter of a story. Have I been shooting myself in the foot by not reading to them? Maybe I can get back in the habit. It would be worth it. Perhaps I can find a book that I really want to read to them, and put the kids to bed at 7:00.

My two oldest boys took off on an adventure yesterday morning. My mom came into town on Friday, spent the weekend with us, and then flew the two boys back home with her. They get to spend a full week with Grandma and Grandpa without having to share them with the younger kids. They were so excited to go on the trip and their first airplane ride. Here they are in the airport Monday morning:

And here is the haircut I am giving him fourteen years later, notice how he isn't half bald?

. . . you are running behind in the morning when your spouse asks if there is anything he can do to help and you reply, "Yes! Please go clean the toothpaste from the van carpet and seat!"

By the way, we are missing one of those little mini toothpaste tubes the dentist gives out. Any guesses?

We decided that the best thing for our family was for me to be a sahm while he was the bread winner. It sounds easy, but when our first, second, and third children were born he was still in school. Keeping me home with the children meant he not only went to school full time, but also worked full time. Some days, when Jeremy was a baby, George would have to leave the house before Jeremy woke up and wouldn't get home until after he was asleep. On nights when he got home late, George would sneak into his room, gently pick Jeremy up from his crib, and cuddle his little boy for a few moments before tucking him back in.

With our Second Son
George always helped with the feedings and would give babies midnight bottles or early morning morning feedings so I could get a good chunk of sleep in. When our second son was about three months old we both had to step it up a notch because he developed asthma and we had to give him breathing treatments every four hours around the clock for what seemed like months. George was great with helping Jacob with his treatments, feedings, and helping with Jeremy who was now about two years old. I always felt like I had his total support during this stressful time when I was so worried about my child's heath.

With our First Daughter (our third child)

(working on the computer during his college years)
George has the same diaper changing record as me, although I am sure I have changed many more diapers than him, just because of the fact that I am home more, we both survived over twelve consecutive years of having kids in diapers, twice we had three children in diapers at one time. Yes, he deserves a medal for all the stinky and yucky things he has taken care of during the raising of our children thus far, not just limited to dirty diapers. He's pretty good at cleaning up spots (read poop, pee, barf) from the carpet, and I had to laugh one day when one of the twins had a bowel movement in the tub and he just scooped it out with his hand. Even their mother would have gotten a cup.

With our Second Daughter (fourth child)

When Tim and Tab were born George and I used the "divide and conquer" method quite often. We found that what worked best for us at night was for one of us each to take care of an infant. One slept on George's side of the room and the other on mine. He took care of one infant full time during the nights, giving bottles, changing diapers if needed, and then got up and went to work. It wasn't easy, and I know he was a very tired man for the better part of a year, but I don't know how I could have managed to do feedings for both babies and have enough energy to take care of them and the four older ones during the day. I will forever sing his praises. Oh, and he helped out after work too.

With our Third Son and Third Daughter (children five and six)

George graduated with his Bachelor's degree when our third child was less than a year old. We were so happy. We thought freedom was here at last. However these last two years have been extremely challenging as well. George was called to be the bishop of our ward when the twins were two years old, and at the same time started working on his Masters Degree. Oh, and still working full time. We both felt he shouldn't put off his educational goal any longer, even though it meant a great deal of sacrifice for the whole family. His time at home has been very limited for the past (almost) two years, and I know he worries about the strain it puts on me to care for the kids in his absence. Even though he is often tired when he is home, he always tries to ease the strain when I am at the end of my rope. He cooks dinners when I am too tired, he helps kids with homework, he cleans and is always recruiting the kids to fold the piles of clean laundry that grow on our couch. And for some reason he ALWAYS lets me sleep in on Saturday mornings. The kids love the "dates" he takes them on, and even more love to rough house with him.
What more can I say about such a great and supportive man? Actually, a lot more, but this post is getting a little long.

George, I LOVE YOU. Happy Father's Day.

I have been going through old photographs and thought I'd record some of the memories that go along with them before they are gone forever. Welcome to my:

Softball season for Charity and Gracie is coming to a close. Gracie's last game was tonight. Last year she played t-ball and she was a little apprehensive about moving up to "coach pitch" this year. She did great and was able to connect with the ball quite a bit.One of her favorite positions was catcher. It's the place where you get the most action when your team isn't up at bat. Her other favorite position was sitting on the bench fooling around with her teammates.

My 12 year old son is back in town, and no worse for the wear. The scouts actually came home early because the weather conditions became cold, rainy, and snowy. When I got the call that they were heading home early because of this I pictured my son suffering, soaked through to the bone with purple lips and numb feet. He popped through the door of our house smiling and happy as ever. His face was a little sunburned and he had worn the same pair of socks the whole time, but all in all he had a successful camp. AND he said his favorite part was HIKING TEN MILES through the Grand Canyon, even though it was hard and the steep parts were freaky. WOW. I am so proud of him!

My second son (11) had missed him. They had never been apart for more than one night in their entire lives. Once his big brother got home he followed him around for an hour and talked his ear off.


Conversation overheard between two of my daughters:

"Do you want to play something different after dinner?"

"Yeah, lets play something where we pretend we are sisters."

Every couple of years I reread one or more of my parenting books. I have several. I have read them all many times and I still can't get this parenting gig under control. Every couple of years, or months, or days, the kids change a little bit and I have to work out new strategies to help keep the peace in the home and make sure each child's individual needs are met. I'm not exactly sure why I picked up Siblings Without Rivalry By Adele Faber and Elain Mazlish several days ago. My kids generally get along very well. None of them hate each other or even seem to compete with each other. However they are siblings and they do squabble and complain and tattle.

Ug.

It is the tattling that really gets to me, the feeling that I am expected to solve all their problems because I, of course, am responsible for their complete happiness in this life. I know it does them no favors to intervene in every argument, but sometimes it is just so hard to listen to it. It is just as hard when they come asking me to be the judge and proclaim who was right, who should be in trouble, who gets they toy they are fighting over, blah blah blah. when I often don't have any idea who started it, and no solution I come up with will seem "fair" to both parties.

My four oldest kids, age 6to 12, have been on this earth long enough to know the basics of sharing, fairness, anger control (like NOT hitting and kicking!), and that sometimes their siblings do things that they don't like on accident. I understand that it takes a lifetime of fine tuning for most people to always control their tempers and learn how to live peaceably with each other, but seriously, they've got to start using their skills now.

In rereading this book I was reminded that I don't have to listen to tattling, unless there is physical danger. They can work things out themselves. Still it is hard to let things go when someone is obviously being treated unfairly.

Case in point:

Today Gracie (6) had a friend over. The two of them were playing legos along with Charity (9). Suddenly there are raised voices and Gracie runs to her bedroom in tears. I follow Gracie into her room to make sure she is okay. She tells me the other two girls have all the fancy legos for their castles and they won't share with her. AND that Charity even said she would give some to her but now she won't. It all sounded pretty unfair to me and what I wanted to do was go throw all the fancy legos into a pile and divvy them out evenly, or at least make the other girls pony up a few so Gracie would have some too. But all that would do is teach the girls that Mom will side with the child that is crying and if you want something, go tattle.

Soooo . . .

I sat beside Gracie's bed and rubbed her back. I told her that I bet she felt really sad that they weren't sharing, and how her feelings must be hurt. I told her that I wished we had so many fancy legos that the three of them were trying to give them away because they had way too many (she smiled a little at that). I told her that I loved her and left the room. I wish I could tell you how the girls worked it out, but I'm not really sure. However, five minutes later they were all playing happily with each other, so something must have happened between them.

Anyway, as much as I really want to hold onto my children and protect them, I also want them to learn skills that will help them grow into independent, self assured adults who can form positive relationships with others. The hardest part of parenting is knowing when to step in and when to let kids work out solutions on their own. Hopefully I can to teach them problem solving skills when things aren't heated up between them so they can use them when things are, or before they get too hot!

Wish me luck.

My oldest son has been gone for three days now. I have notice a difference not having him home, just a little less laundry, an empty seat at the dinner table, his just younger brother being a little lonely -- but today I really started to MISS him. I think it is partly because I started to worry about him last night. He has great leaders who know his personality well and that was comforting to me when I sent him off to Scout Camp. But today was the day they were going to take a ten mile hike into and back out of the Grand Canyon. He seems to enjoy hiking to a point, a point that is not usually very far down the trail. We do a bit of hiking as a family, but never too much because of the short legged four year old people that can't go on forever. The longest hike he's been on is the three miler they do in eleven year old scouts. AND he is terrified of heights. That can't be helpful when hiking in the Grand Canyon. So I've been a bit worried about him all day, hoping he was able to be brave and his leaders and the other boys were patient.

Sigh.

It would be so nice to know how it went!!!! And if he is eating okay and if he is warm enough at night and if he likes doing the merit badges he signed up for and if it rained there like it rained here and if he stayed dry and if he really did pack enough underwear and if he is changing that underwear . . . I guess that's why they don't let moms go up to Scout Camp. My worrying and fussing would ruin the whole experience.

I tried to put it off as long as I could, just in case Tim's blanket turned up in the laundry or stuffed in a pillow case or jammed between the seats in the van, but the time finally came. Once again he asked for his blanket. The one I am sure is now in some vast lost and found pile in the hotel we stayed at, or on the ground, blackened by asphalt after falling unnoticed out of the van at a rest stop. The one that I lovingly patched up for him just a few days before our trip. I had to confess that it had been left behind, and we were not likely to get it back. His chin wrinkled as his mouth pulled into a little frown and I could see a hint of tears in his eyes as he looked up at me. He looked thoughtful and remembered that he has another blanket that he doesn't use as much and said, "But I still have my car blanket, right?" What a little trooper.

We are back, but part of me feels like I am still on vacation -- the part of me that wants to look at each day as a new adventure (and with all six kids out of school, what day isn't a new adventure?). I am so glad we took a trip right off the bat this summer. It helped to break the tension that was building with all the time commitments, end of school activities and concerts, and just the daily grind of getting the kids off to school. It was so great to put my responsibilities on hold and concentrate on nothing more than bare minimum of keeping bodies clean, tummies full, and clothes organized so I could just ENJOY my kids and remember why I got into this motherhood gig in the first place.

Our trek to the LA area included Six Flags, Venice beach, the California Science Center, and and visiting my sister and her family:). I am so glad that my kids are pretty easy going, because it is hard to please everyone. Some of the kids love roller coasters, others don't (although there was enough of a variety at six flags for everyone to do things they like), some kids liked the beach, others didn't want to touch the water. Some kids loved the science museum, some would rather be doing something else. But they were all willing to go along with their "unfavorite" without too much complaint. I am so thankful for that.

We packed a ton of food to eat at the hotel and also hit a couple of fast food joints along the way, but I also wanted to include a "sit down" restaurant in our vacation experience, one where they order from a menu that is not hung above them on the wall and a waiter/ress brings you your meal. The closest we ever really get to that is a buffet style restaurant where they might serve a soft drink at your table.


A Denny's close to our hotel was our chosen site to dine, a family friendly restaurant that wouldn't be too surprised by child antics. When we first settled into our booth I was a little glad that we were "practicing" eating at a restaurant out of town, but the kids settled down quickly. We managed to make it through with a moderate noise level, a minimal amount of kids crawling under the table, and we only spilled two drinks. Success! When we got up to leave Charity (9) asked what we were supposed to do with our dishes. When we told her that it would be cleaned up for us her eyes got really wide. "Really? That is SO NICE," she said.


I don't have many pictures to share as I took a disposable camera into six flags and haven't had that developed yet, and I found that my camera battery had died when I got to the beach, but here are a couple from the hotel pool and the science museum.