6:45am in the morning . What am I doing here ?


What do I hear ? I hear my music playing on low volume , Mad World by Gary Jules . And the sounds of the water falling into the fish pond ; the filter that keeps the pond (somewhat) clean .


Shouldn't I be somewhere else ? Like in my bed , with my mind running through slumberland . That is where I find my escape , things that always wanted but never had the chance to experience . At least I know that somewhere somehow , it is still (somewhat) possible for anything to happen in my dreams .


It makes me feel better , if I were to be there right now . . . But here I am , sitting in front of my desktop , trying to set my thoughts free . From my head , to my heart , then it flows through my fingers and types everything that I want to say . Or at least , things that comes to my mind first . But my head hurts , my eyes are tired .


I wish I knew what I wanted to say .


Laugh at me , mock at me . You will see that neither am I exactly laughing along with you , nor am I going to make a mockery out of you . I will probably be looking at you in awe , wondering how can someone succumb to such atrocity .


Or I probably wouldn't give a damn . . . at least I wish I could do that .


Darn , I wish I could stop those thoughts from running through my head . I wish that I could disengage myself from what would take the better side of me . Or rather , rip myself apart and tear my heart out .


There are so many people I need to talk to , but where do I begin with ?
Will you take the time to listen ?
Will you understand ?

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