Blogs faded with social media, and I too went from the blog to social media. However, 4 years ago I went off social media. Deleted all the accounts, and realized I missed the documentation of my life (but I don't miss the relentless scroll of curated perfection, ceaseless advertising, and the unsolicited spectacle of political opinions). My two main readers, my mom and grandmother, have since passed away. But I suppose this is for me now. My corner of the world. 

I thought this summer would be very different. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in July 1, 2024. She passed on August 27, 2024. It was fast. I thought this year and this summer I would be flying home a lot to be with her. However, in a blessing of mercy she was spared. It doesn't make the goodbye any easier. I’m still haunted by the image of her body lying cold and still in the casket. What she looked like in the hospital saying my final goodbyes and thank yous. Which I know, she hates. She wouldn't me thinking of that, and I try to correct it. I quickly think instead of our last trip together. We took a road trip to Dollywood. All my mom wanted to do was go through the Smokey Mountains with me. We did. I drove through the beautiful scenery, blasting John Denver and Dolly Parton. We talked about the Royal Family and sharks. 

I started this blog in 2008 and 17 years later some things are the same, and many things are different. This year I lost my mom, turned 40 and celebrated 20 years of marriage. Dixie and Sydney passed away, and we have two new dogs Jack and Mesa. The girls are  teenagers, and I found my first white hair last week. Life is still full of wonders, unpredictability and many many mishaps. 

 I was able to speak at her memorial service. We all made it to celebrate her life. She died in her sleep on July 23, 2018. She lived a beautiful and meaningful life. 

 My Nanny, was one of the most interesting people I knew. She had perfected the art of conversation.  She knew a little something about everything, and so she could speak to just about anyone. She was an avid reader. She loved the book, "The Candy Bomber." At a Christmas market I got to meet Gail Halvorsen a.k.a the Candy Bomber. I couldn't wait to tell her, and her reaction did not disappoint. She clapped her hands together and said, "Oh, Jules isn't that wonderful!" 

She was very funny and quick witted. I never got over how quick she was on her feet. My grandparents were snowbirds and lived in Florida during the winter months. When B was 10 months old I went to Florida to visit them with my parents.  I was suppose to meet my parents at the airport and drive to the hotel. However, there was a police chase at their airport and their flight was delayed for 10 hours. So my grandparents drove an hour to the airport to rescue the babe and me. But first, they needed to go to the rental car agency to get the car seat I needed. While my grandmother walked through the airport to the agency a TSA agent asked if he could help her with anything. Her reply, "Oh, no. I just came in for a pat down; I am very lonely". Zing!

I would call Nanny every Wednesday. She would email me the day before if she had appointments so she wouldn't miss my call. One of those phone calls I was in the throes of potty training. I was complaining to her. She said, "Don't forget Jules they didn't build Rome in a day." I said, "Well, according to Pinterest they did! And when they are 18 months!" She paused as if she were thinking very carefully what to say next, and said, "Well, that's just horseshit." 

 She was extremely generous. My grandfather was a proud German. I often heard Germany referred to as, "The Motherland". Five years ago I had the opportunity to go to Germany. I called her and said, "Nanny, I'm going to the Motherland!" Before my trip I received a little package from her. She had gone to the World Bank and sent me 100 euros, so as she said, "You have some pocket money and  you don't have to stress about finding an exchange right away." Let me tell you, we lived off of that 100 euros for a few days because we couldn't get to an exchange. It saved us. It's something I plan to do for my loved ones. 

She was thoughtful. She would send us little gifts just because she thought we would like it. She sent me gift cards to clothing stores and said, "Go buy yourself a nice new outfit." She loved to send me funny memes about animals and wise advice. She would send animated virtual cards for every holiday. She was so technically savvy, I couldn't help but brag about her. It helped that she read the WHOLE manual and ALL the instructions cover to cover. She was politically active, and volunteered at the poll stations every election. Her and her good friend went door to door campaigning for John F. Kennedy. She did it in her own neighborhood which was very Republican, but if anyone could find common ground and get people to listen, it was my Nanny.  Then three short years later, on a cold sad morning, my grandfather drove my weepy Grandmother and her friend to Washington D.C.  to attend Kennedy's funeral. She was liberal but bipartisan. She had a neighbor who was friends with George H.W. Bush, so she sent President Bush a letter inviting him to dinner. She was tickled pink that she got a response, it was a "regretfully decline" but she was elated nonetheless.

There is a void that she once occupied. When you would visit her house she always had shrimp cocktails, crackers and cheese and all choices of beverages. I miss her conversations. She was always interested in people. She was happiest when she was surrounded by her family and friends. She was an excellent friend and her greatest lesson was teaching me how to be one. She loved to see pictures of my friends and she ask their names. Her life was full. Full of family, full of friends, full of laughter, and full of love. Her loss is felt immensely, but I'm forever grateful I got to have her for so long and my girls were able to form a relationship with her. She was the smartest and most literate woman I have ever known, I am grateful for her example, her stories and her fierce support throughout my life. Nanny, you will be forever loved.

 It's been so long I forgot how to blog. Really. So much as changed.  I am cleaning out photos and came to the photo of the day I found out my grandmother died. My number one reader and fan of my personal blog, and I realized I never wrote about her. My greatest cheerleader deserves her own post. Oh, it hurts to know she will never read it, but it will be worthy of her and the role she played in my life. However, it felt weird to not post for years and then BAM! Post... about loss. Since my last post we lost our beloved Sydney (again she will get her own post too) in June 2018. Eight weeks later, I lost my grandmother on July 23, 2018.  My two favorite souls. I like to think Sydney is with her, it comforts my heart. Nanny, who knew how much I loved Syd, will watch over her for me, and Sydney will watch over her.

 In March 2020, right before the dreadful pandemic of COVID-19 hit. Brad brought home a little border collie puppy. He found her on the Lone Mesa campground and so we named her fittingly, Mesa. She belonged to ranch hands. Her mother was their working dog and had a litter of 6 puppies. Mesa was the only girl in the litter (like Sydney) and we picked her. Here is a picture of our current family: 

Earlier this year Dixie turned 15, and she has had some medical issues. We are glad she is still with us. The girls are older and well into elementary school, 4th and 2nd grades. With the pandemic still going strong there were schooling options, we chose online school and have been adventuring around in our trailer. This picture of us was taken on the ranch that once belonged to Brad's Grandma and Grandpa J. The pine trees behind us were planted, watered and cared for by hand by his grandparents.

 My girls are growing up. The constant reminder of this has plagued me since the day I came home from the hospital with B. Some days I take it in stride well aware of the little precious time I have with them, and other days, like today, it causes such anxiety it's debilitating. I'm not an anxious person. My husband worries and has enough anxiety for the both of us. But if there is one thing that gives me anxiety it's time and this question, "Have I done enough?"

Have I spent enough time with them?
Have I read to them enough?
Have I loved them enough?
Have I taught them enough?
Have I talked to them enough?
etc.





I had to sign B up for which track I want her on in the first grade.
First grade, just those two words puts me in a tail spin of tizzy. How is this possible? She was just in preschool, how is she already going to school all day? I'm not ready.

She is so much fun to be around. She is such a good sister. She is a loving daughter. She loves adventures and I love taking her on those adventures. School will cramp that up. 

What especially hits me though, is I realize those few precious years when I had complete influence over her are gone.


Frankly, I will miss her. I will miss having her around everyday. I want to be mad at time, call time an enemy. But time isn't the enemy, it's the distractions that are the enemy. The things I let distract me that rob me of quality time with my family. I will be better, so when I look back I won't feel anxious but grateful.

 This little girl experienced her first surgery. (And we experienced meeting our deductible for the first time without having a baby. )

 Here she is pre-op. Someone's Eaglescout project was making these entertainment packages for kids at the hospital. Seriously, the coolest project ever! She even got to keep that blanket. A nice souvenir that all the doctors and nurses couldn't believe was a hospital blanket.
 Getting her ready to wheel away.
 And there she goes. I was fine and not the least bit nervous until this point. When they wheeled her away from me.

 Post surgery still in the post surgery room not in the recovery room yet. This was hard. I already had sympathy for all parents who have to witness their children go through major surgery (and in many cases major surgery after major surgery) but now I have empathy. They came and got me because she just woke up and said "I want a snack and my mama".  When I got there she just woke up and the pain medicine was not administered yet so she was in pain. Intense pain she never experienced before and it broke my heart. She was in pain so she was yelling she couldn't control her voice (wonder where she gets that from) She yelled, "I want to go home! I never want surgery again!" I would tell her "shhh shhh" and she would yell "I can't mom, I just can't shhhh" .  The pain medicine finally worked but then she needed oxygen. The nurse was asking questions and she said, "I am just so sleepy don't talk to me."
Yeah, apparently anesthesia turns my sweet 5 year old into a teenager.

In the recovery room sleeping. 















And she is back to normal. We have to remind her she just had surgery and has 3 incisions she has to take it easy. She still can't stand up straight, and so she walks a little hunched over and it makes me laugh a little.

So glad it's over and so glad we are on the mend. And so so grateful for clean hospitals with great doctors and nurses.

Having kids makes ALL holidays that much more fun. I enjoy even the smallest of holidays (Groundhog day).
















We decorated cookies.
 What the small plate of Valentine cookies doesn't show you is the mess that ensues from them. So here is a bit of reality. You can't see it but the sink is full.

 Then I had the morning of Valentine's Day planned with a pretty festive breakfast of pink heart shaped pancakes - with white chocolate and macadamia nuts - because why not?  (I don't have the heart pancake shaper so I had to put the batter in a squeeze bottle not as successful as I thought it would be but the girls got a kick out of it) Next year, I will probably invest in a heart shape pancake thingy and not use pink coloring.
 Then while Brad was out helping his sister release a raccoon she caught in her attic (that story is for another blog post) He was doubled over in pain, so she took him to the ER. Here he is experiencing kidney stones for the first time. He got pain killers and a shot in the bum and told to stay active and drinks loads of water.


 Due to the ER visit I missed B's class Valentine Party, but it was a beautiful day and they did their own party on the deck, and this melted my heart.


















Brad had planned a date night for the whole family, I originally thought we would have to take a rain check but he took a nap, popped a pill and put on a brave face and took out all his girls. We saw the lego batman movie. Soooo romantic, ha!ha! No, it was great and fun. And EVERYONE should experience watching a movie with this Califlower.  She gets very very involved in the movie and takes her popcorn very seriously. She sits bouncing and grabs hand fulls of popcorn (without looking) and shoving it all in her mouth with shrieks of joy in between bites.

 This ol' girl turned 14, and since we have been having some cancer issues we thought we should give her a celebration, well the 5 year old insisted on it.  So a paw-ty she planned.





 Kisses for the little human.

B planned all the activities and decorations. Party blowers, balloons, party hats (with a pom pom on the top we couldn't find any that wasn't ridiculously priced so we improvised and bought some normal party hats and added cotton balls), pin the tail on the bordercollie, and then she drew and cut out balloons and taped them all over the house and whoever found the most got a prize. 













And then we sang to her, thanks to Aubrey for the boost. And her and all her doggie cousins ate their dog cake, and we humans at cupcakes.

























"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them and filling an emptiness we didn't ever know we had." - Thom Jones

Tulips usually help me through the dreaded winter blues.
And that they get to wear these coats to church.
















And the snow has not been lacking.

I am probably the only mom here that hasn't built a snowman with their kids. Not that they aren't asking they are.  I just really don't like the snow. It's cold and wet and gets in every nook and cranny.  Sand castles, that is up my alley... snowmen not so much.
But the forecast says more days of snow so I keep telling myself I will have plenty of opportunities.






But those snow covered mountains (insert emoji with the heart shaped eyes).
 So we've been doing plenty of indoor activities. I have implemented a new system. I was tired of Saturdays feeling like they were wasted. Planning on getting soooooo much done, to only just sit around all day long and realize by Sunday night it was a wasted weekend. One that was not fun filled or productive. I blame it on winter blues. So we do chores in the morning. We have a list and everyone has a job. If we finish the job by lunch then we can go somewhere fun. This particular Saturday was the dinosaur museum. 

I thought it would be busy since it was a Saturday but I was pleasantly surprised.

 This is how she rolled for 14 days. She had more mast cell tumors, so we got them removed. She is just shy of her 14th birthday, so our days of putting her under to remove the tumors are limited.

She doesn't act her age so I think she still has many more years, so when I hear things like "cancer" and "the tumors can show up over night", "you need to consider her old age will take her before the cancer", it kind of sucker punches me in the gut.

Our days our limited with her, I know that. However, it could be next month or who knows another 3 years. Seriously, though the amount of stuff she has ingested we're lucky she made it to 14!

All I know, is I will enjoy her presence while I have it. When she follows me from room to room. Barks at the UPS man. Wakes me up with her dog breath in my face. I will cherish it all. Because she was my first dog, at let's me honest I am gonna be a mess when she goes.

It's the early hours of a New Year, so I thought I would dust off the ol' blog.

I've taken a bit of a break from social media since before Christmas; something I really wish I would have done sooner. I love social media, particularly for family, but it's the other stuff that comes with it I needed a break from, so I thought for this year less social media more blogging (ironic since I remember a time I needed to take a break from blogs).

2016 has not been a personally low year for us, in fact it's been very good to us. I however, have never had so much gut wrenching reactions while reading the news like I have this year. I get a pang of distress every time I open a news website (funny no more newspaper) and sometimes read it with one eye open in hopes that will soften the blow to what I will read next. I know throughout human history there is darkness and there always will be. It's just a bit darker than I imagined it would be in my lifetime, and so I turn to my blog. My little space in the world.  My space where I can share goodness, light and laughter. I can come here and write the good things I have done, seen and experienced. (For some reason it feels a little less braggy than posting it on instagram?)


According to instagram this is my top 9. These are the 9 pictures that received the highest amount of likes. And although, yes, I do love these pictures. I decided to make my own 9, except I couldn't just narrow it down to 9... I made my top 16 pictures.













1. One of my favorite pictures from Kaua'i. This is on Pihea trail. Pihea Trail over looking the Kalalau Valley.
2. I am just going to own my narcissism, this is probably just one of very few pictures I actually like of myself. Is it weird I want to frame it? Not to put in my house for all to see but for me? In my little inspirational shelf in my closet?
3. Our last minute trip to Disneyland. We loaded the kids in the car at midnight and drove all night, to make it to Mickey's-Not-So-Scary-Halloween Party. Best Party Ever,
4. PINK! (Favorite thing I ever did to my hair... and I've done a lot of things to my hair)
5. Because he makes me laugh and I love National Parks. 
6. Highlight of the year, I got to spend Mother's Day with my Nanny and Mother. Afternoon Tea at the Grand America.
7. Our little Califlower learned how to lock the doors but not how to unlock them earlier this year. (She now knows how to unlock)
8. Little Miss Broccoli insisted we throw Sydney at 13th birthday party, it was small. This year she has been planning another one and it will be bigger.
9. Exactly one year ago today we started our year in Del Mar with our entire little family. It was one of the best mornings I have ever had.
10. This is probably my favorite picture of us.
11. What Santa brought Syd for Christmas
12. One of the many camping trips we went on this year, and she is in her element.
13. Because I love how they love each other. They both just brighten my day.
14. I find random lengths of toilet paper all over the house because Califlower likes to pretend she is an animal, and of course, she needs a tail. She loves being a wolf, and here she is in a wolf costume. Cutest little wolf. She wore that trail until it there was nothing left.
15. Probably my favorite picture of the year. I love her adventurous spirit. 
16. Friendship. Me with my childhood friend who came for a visit. If there is one thing I can say I am truly blessed with, it's friends. They bring a lot of fulfillment and laughter in my life.

And a little year review...

Our year in numbers

418 loads of laundry
200 pounds of Alaskan caught fish
26 miles totaled hiked as a family
2 ER visits
7 stitiches
0 broken bones