Searching for Safe Harbor

Thought I'd share some online articles on grief that I've come across lately.

Good Grief: Is there a better way to be bereaved?
I found Emily Dickinson's poem in this New Yorker article. It's quite a long essay but it's an interesting read.

Good Grief!
Not related to The New Yorker article.

Finding Purpose in Grief
About the MISS Foundation.

Lastly, I want to share a video of a reading by a fellow BLM, Ceil, whose son is also named Kai (he was also born and died in June). She posted the link on Glow in the Woods. It's truly a moving and powerful tribute to her lost child.


Ceil, Word Off 2011 Starlight Theatre, Terlingua, TX from sally martin on Vimeo.

I measure every Grief I meet
by Emily Dickinson
I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, eyes –  I wonder if It weighs like Mine –  Or has an Easier size. I wonder if They bore it long –  Or did it just begin –  I could not tell the Date of Mine –  It feels so old a pain –  I wonder if it hurts to live –  And if They have to try –  And whether – could They choose between –  It would not be – to die –  I note that Some – gone patient long –  At length, renew their smile –  An imitation of a Light That has so little Oil –  I wonder if when Years have piled –  Some Thousands – on the Harm –  That hurt them early – such a lapse Could give them any Balm –  Or would they go on aching still Through Centuries of Nerve –  Enlightened to a larger Pain –  In Contrast with the Love –  The Grieved – are many – I am told –  There is the various Cause –  Death – is but one – and comes but once –  And only nails the eyes –  There's Grief of Want – and grief of Cold –  A sort they call "Despair" –  There's Banishment from native Eyes –  In sight of Native Air –  And though I may not guess the kind –  Correctly – yet to me A piercing Comfort it affords In passing Calvary –  To note the fashions – of the Cross –  And how they're mostly worn –  Still fascinated to presume That Some – are like my own –

You didn't think I'd forget about Love Month in Kai's corner, didn't you? Never. No matter how busy or distracted I get with life, Kai will always be on my mind. And so is his corner. :)

As I walked around the aisles of Michael's a few weeks ago, I went past the baby shower DIYs and scrapbook pages and looked for stuffs that reminds me of him or things I can put in his corner for Valentine's month.

I didn't rant about how I should be buying more baby things instead of knick knacks and bric a bracs. I try not to go there anymore these days as I think my son would be unhappy about it. In outings such as this where I find small joys in being able to find a lovely wooden letter K wall decor and a little stuffed love monkey that are perfect for his corner, I'd whisper to Kai and to myself, "This is the only thing that nanay can do for you, Kai. I wish I can do more. But for now, I'm happy with this and I hope you are, too."




My husband chose this foam project at Michael's. He wanted to put it together himself. Just like the Halloween tree house, it took him a while to get this thing done. He kept complaining how the roof shingles were a pain to get finished. But he did a great job and christened it the "Love Monkey Shack." *que B-52's 'Love Shack' song here* And what's the shack without Le Debonair Love Monkey. "Love, baby, that's where it's at!"


We both got teary-eyed with these angel boys. I love the blue angel boy king, while the hubby likes the white cherub. "It reminds me of Kai," he said. See, we did put something innocent in Kai's corner. Not that the monkey love shack is a bad thing. It's all about the love month. You dig?


Up next, Easter or St. Patrick's Day. Oh the endless possibilities. (^_~) Wait and see what mommy and daddy will have for you in your corner, Kai. We love and miss you. Always.

Dear Mamas,

I just want to send you quick hugs and kisses for today. May your little ones - angels and rainbows - give you love eternal and may your partners in life shower you with so much loving that even chocolates and fresh flowers will be put to shame. m(^_~)m 

I hope you all have a Heart Day to remember this year! Thinking of you and sending you love.

From Kai's mommy forever.

(Sorry for the blog absence. I've been out-of-town for work assignments that have been seriously kicking my arse. I'm hoping to get back to blogging soon. And no, I don't have any 'announcement' for you when I do. LOL. But congratulations to all BLMs for their BFPs! I can see hope in you and I'm praying that perhaps one day I'll have that, too. For the meantime, I remain mother to Kai. And that's alright by me.)