The Dove's Nest

December was a blur, to say the least.  Here is the timeline of events after the initial call on Dec 8th.

"We are adopting?"  I remember the first time we announced our decision.  What a great feeling we had, that like so many other things in life, we had no idea what this journey would bring.  It seemed so simple. So straight forward. So noble and so loving.

Our idea: Adoption fairytale.  Have all the money you need.  A few tough decisions. Make your perfect photo album to display your family. Be matched with a wonderful birthmother and accept the most beautiful baby. All wrapped up, nice and neat in a  9-12month period.  We live happily ever after and adore the child and the birthmother.

Reality...There is a form that you fill out when you begin your process with an awful name...."Child Acceptance Form".  On this form your check yes or no to all sorts of situations that may present themselves in the birthmother's life.

Race
Cigarrettes
Drugs
No Prenatal care
ADD and ADHD
Anxiety and Bipolar disorders
Family history of XYZ
STDs
Cerepal Palsy
Intellectual disabilities
No Birthfather information available
And the list goes on and on of things that you have to decide if you are comfortable with.
We opened the door wide when we began this adoption journey.  Open to any race.  Open to most birthmother situations.

I mean 'adoption is the Gospel' right?  Who are we to make these decisions when we feel like God has called us to adopt?!  So we marked YES to most all things.  And most importantly marked the box that said "case by case basis" as a safety net.

Nothing has working out.

We assumed having a wide net would bring lots of options.  A quick process.

But 2 years has brought nothing.  A wide net has not brought us a child.   Being wide open to most all situations has brought us nothing.

So here is a recap of our 2 years and an update on where we are now.

Year one --> wide net. excited. anxious. thoughts of our child every day. Thinking 'being open to most all things" means we are leaving all the decisions up to God.

Year two --> open. excited. less anxious. thoughts of our child every week. Thinking 'being open to most all things" means we are leaving most the decisions up to God.

Now -> reality of our age (41 & 46). an honest look at what we can handle.  thinking of God's design for our family.  realizing God is going to make all the decisions whether our net is wide open or not.  being reminded our 'calling' to adopt.

Are we narrowing God by narrowing our net?  Or is God calling us to take a closer look at our trust in Him no matter the width of our net?  These are way tougher decisions than the "child acceptance form" itself.

Our program allows a 3 year wait.  We have 1 more year  to be available to adopt and then our journey will end...child or no child.

I listened to this podcast yesterday that was recommended by a friend.  The title was "How to know which way to go?".  It was so refreshing to know that her story is similar to ours.

Adoption. Waiting. Gave it all to God.  Wide open net.  Things changed in a 2 yr wait.  They were giving up and moving to another state.  Story over.  Wrong. Got a call 10 mins after she sold everything she had stored up for that child.  The child is theirs.

There is hope. Our story is not over.  Things change in a 2 yr wait.

We changed. That is the Gospel.

Some collect spoons. Magnets. Figurines. Hats. Antiques.

I collect 2 unique things.

I'm pretty sure that I am a book collector.

I love books.  I'm not someone who will ever have a kindle or read on an Ipad. It has to have pages. That smell like paper.

Right now, I have a collection of 8 books waiting to be finished.  What is wrong with me?  I can't just focus on one topic.  One book.  One thing at a time.  I have a collection of thoughts going on right now.
Books are purchased before I can even begin to think about reading them.  And I buy them and desire to start them when I'm the busiest.

I start. I stop and start another. I stop that one and start another one. I pick up the first and start again. Then I start a new one. Then stop and start the 2nd one again.  It is crazy.  I just love to read.  I love to collect thoughts.

But I don't take the time often enough.

As nuts as all this sounds, I do finish books.  It's not like I start and don't finish.

But I have to admit. When I start a Jen Hatmaker book or a John Piper book or a Charles Martin book, I don't let any others interrupt (no pun intended, Jen Hatmaker).

I collect books.

What does this have to do with adoption, you ask.  Well, I also collect emails from our adoption caseworker.

Others who are in the adoption wait, start a collection of adoption blogs to follow, get a collection of adoption books to read and collect adoption bracelets, t-shirts, etc.  I think that is great for some but I'm not one of those who has those collections.

I collect her emails. Words. Our experience.  Our waiting.  Our caseworker's encouragement and hope.

But I stop and ask, What does the Lord want me to collect?
I realized that the Lord requires a collection of a few things.

A collection of His Word in my heart to call upon.
A collection of comfort.
A collection of wisdom.
A collection of passion.
A collection of humility.
A collection of patience.
A collection of compassion.
A collection of His promises.

All the things He would like for us to collect are for the purpose of giving away to someone in need.  Collect them. Use them.  Give them.

 I will keep moving through my book collection.  And I will find hope in her emails.

But I will RELY on the Lord to supply all HIS collections I need to wait.....

I have had more than enough time to update about our adoption.  I have stopped and started and stopped and started more times than I'd like to admit.

Our year has flown by in so many other ways.  But when I think back to where we were in the process last year, I think it hasn't changed much.

No reports = No progress.

Recently in my devotionals and the teaching at IF:Roanoke, I have realized that I relate so much to Joshua and the 7 priests that walked around the wall of Jericho over and over and over again and waiting for it to fall.


How many times have I heard that story and never realize the FAITH it took to keep circling the wall?  Could you imagine walking around and around and blowing their trumpets and not ONE SIGN of hope. Not one brick fell.  Not one gust of wind moved the dirt.

Did Joshua doubt?  Did he question if he heard God correctly?

I'd be lying to say we have not doubted. In September, we gave God a timeline.  That didn't last long before he convicted (and laughed at) us.

In our adoption journey, I wonder which lap we are on.  Could we possibly be rounding the 7th lap when the wall will fall down and the calling to walk and wait will be over and make sense?  Or are we still back at the 2nd or 3rd lap with a continued journey ahead?

God told them to keep walking and blowing their trumpets in obedience.   May we continue to walk in obedience.  And not demand an explanation from God.



So what's happened this year:
-In December, we were called about a baby that was born the day before.  Birthmother called Adoption agency from the hospital but days later the she decided to parent.
- In November, we felt led for the first time to not be presented to a birthmother.
- Other than that, nothing else to report. Our Family Profile was presented about 12 times during the year but we were not chosen.

Sometimes the biggest problem in our waiting process is the missing words.

"How is your adoption going?"  or "Where are you in your process?"  or "Any news?"

These seem like very black and white questions that should have black and white answers.  But sometimes there are missing words.  Even empty answers.

And the funny thing is, I love it when someone asks me..if its done respectfully.  I'd miss it if people didn't ask.  Almost like if everyone ignored that you were pregnant or no one noticed.

Unlike a pregnancy, there are no fetal updates or doctors appointments.   There are no sonograms or due dates.  No pregnancy pictures to post on Facebook and no baby showers.

Instead there is waiting.  With no answers.  With no due dates or timelines.  With no answers to when and how.

And if anything, there is more confusion about how do you get your baby?  or why does SHE get to decided who gets her baby?  Or why haven't y'all been picked?  Or there are so many other ways you could have a baby quicker.

May we be become content in our wait.  May the words we speak to answer the appropriate and inappropriate questions demonstrate our hearts as we wait. Sometimes they are tender.  Sometimes they are hopeful.  And sometimes they are completely missing words.

Oh the mind of a child.  So thorough and completely un-forgetful.