Baby Wait

My second baby shower was yesterday.
I was so nervous about there being a.)two many people. b.)not enough people. c.)having to open presents and be the center of attention.
But guess what?
It was perfect! It felt more like a party with all my favorite women (besides my family-I'm having a family shower next week.) 90 people were there, and I got 50 things off my registry! My house still looks pretty crazy with bags and tissue paper, and piles of baby shwag. I was EXHAUSTED (like Jennifer said I would be,) especially since I hadn''t slept well in two days due to family being in town+getting up to eat twice a night. Nevertheless, I felt the need to stay up until midnight sorting and going through delicious baby goodness.
This morning, I woke up at seven to wash and organize our baby's blankets, burp cloths, and tiny clothes. Alot of people did buy us clothing, but it was mostly jammies and onsies. Not too many frilly pink dresses! I was pleasantly surprised. We got four handmade blankets, one embroidered with her name. All beautiful. Hubster made me cry by having a present and a poem there for me to open from him...a lovely bracelet from poppa and a nightlight.
It was lovely.
truly such a special day filled with love! I was humbled by all the support we have in welcoming our little girl. One of my friends that hosted the shower had everyone fill out notes "about Mommy and Daddy", and so many of them were filled with such love for us. We are not worthy!!!

I just want to stay in the nursery forever now.
I keep opening the closet, in awe that these clothes and shoes and hats and toys are all for our baby.

I can't believe it. Even as I sat (ehem:for three hours,) opening presents, I felt like I could jinx it all by believing our baby was really coming, just by my accepting the baby shower in the first place. Is she really going to be born? Is it really this easy for our dream of having a baby girl to come true?
28 days to go.
We'll find out then.
I lost part of my mucus plug today. Gross but exciting! My braxton hicks cause me more pause lately. They make my heart beat faster-literally- and my lower back aches with almost every one.
We seriously need to get a move on all our last minute "to-do"s.
My biggest to do right now is to get a good night's sleep. I need it so badly and it just doesn't look like its going to happen. I go to bed soooo tired only to lay there for a few minutes and start thinking about lord-knows-what enough to wake myself up.
On a completely unrelated topic, let me give a shoutout to my new reason to go to Starb.ucks. The banana chocolate Vivano. I haven't had a reason to go for the last 8.5 months- DH has specific orders on what to bring me the day after the baby is born, I miss it so much. But now! they have a preggo friendly drink with 21 grams of baby building protein, 5 grams of hemorrhoid fighting fiber, and 271 calories!
Nice. And it doesn't taste so bad,either.

Well. It's 12:06 am. I'm going to try that sleep thing again.

My little wombmate moves constantly.
Seriously. All.The.Time. I myself am a fidgeter, so I think she takes after me. I'm trying to stay positive and imagine all those movements mean she's super smart and strong, not hyperactive and out of control! ;)
Although she is so active, she has yet to hurt me at all. Her movements are gentle, mostly stretching and nudges. Every once in a while she'll go, maybe 30 minutes, without any noticable activity- So,to the eye rolling of Hubster, I lay down to do a kick count.

She always does 10 in less than five minutes. She's supposed to do at least ten in- 2 hours. Ha.

I am so proud of her!

Saturday is one of my baby showers...the biggest one. I remember when my friends were discussing the date and it seemed so far away. I wasn't convinced I'd make it that far. Yet, here I am. Almost 36 weeks pregnant. About to attend my very own baby shower! FOR ME!!
It's all too crazy.
Someone should pinch me.

We had our breastfeeding class last night. Not a total waste of time, which I was afraid of. One of the interesting factoids I picked up was that breast milk tastes like amniotic fluid. Isn't that sweet? It tastes like home to our babies.
We are beautifully made.
I have my hospital bag almost packed...there are just alot of things I use all the time that will have to be thrown in there at the last minute. This unsettles me. I like to be ready.
Don't you wish there was a way to predict when and where you were going to go into labor? Like, will it be early? late? in the middle of the night, or the middle of Target? Will it be fast or slow.
The suspense is killing me! Maybe thats why we have such strong nesting urges- cleaning and packing and organizing we can CONTROL.

I don't know if what I have been doing/feeling lately could be described as "nesting", per se: but I definitely have an undeniable urge to CLEAN everything and have everything ready before our wee one gets here.
This is a VERY strong urge.
One that makes me lay awake at night, hoping we are as prepared as possible.
We got our carpets cleaned yesterday- you know, so that I don't have to be scared to let my baby crawl on them in six months or so.
Heaven. Clean carpets give me peace.
I bought a second hand glider on Wednesday. It had crappy cushions that were both ugly and uncomfortable. I pulled the nasty foam out of the seat, stuffed it with poly fill, and am going to have a friend of mine sew cushy, soft cream colored terry cloth over it, and also make me a pillow for the back cushion out of fabric I found. I put it together, unsewn, to see what it would look like....perfection! I am so excited for it to be finished. total financial damage? $38 for the glider, $25 for the fabric and poly fill.
Awesome.

I have started packing my hospital bag. I bought a nursing bra and tank. Organic baby bottom balm from Earth Mama Angel Baby. An outfit for baby to come home in.
Can anyone believe I'm about to be 35 weeks pregnant??? It's unreal. Every day I pass my 20 week ultrasound pics and can't believe that the little person in them is inside me.
Even with this big belly and constant baby leg stretches and hiccups...I can't wrap my brain around my unbelievable good fortune in carrying this amazing baby that is almost here.
Sigh.
Truly amazing.
I have a baby shower next week- at 36 weeks. And another the next week. I know I'm supposed to start feeling ansy for my pregnancy to be over with at this point ((so I hear,) but I really am not there yet. I can't wait to meet my little stinky butt baby- but I am enjoying every minute of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to carry her inside me.
And the weeks go by so fast! Where do they go?
If I went past 40 weeks, I would be getting ansy, I'm sure. But only because the worrywort inside me would be afraid of aging placenta and stillbirth and induction.
As long as she's safe and snug, I am perfectly content waiting for her arrival.

I have been feeling so many emotions lately.
All of them good. I am so excited, so grateful to have made it this far. I can't believe I am 33 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. Could life get any sweeter?
I am amazed at every movement she makes inside me. I am so proud of every shake and stretch.
There have been no worries or scares for weeks-I feel content and happy, confident that she is doing as well as she can be.

Pregnancy seems to agree with me. I love my pregnant body, am so proud of my baby bump. I haven't gotten any stretch marks (yet). No heartburn, my rings still fit, no nose changing or face morphing, varicose veins, acne, or cellulite yet, either. My main pregnancy complaints at this point are backache after walking or standing too long, that horrible pain when you have to pee, and peeing every hour. Once in a while the baby pushes her head onto my bladder or tailbone area and gives me a sharp pain. Still not a big deal.
Something strange and new that has happened a couple of times- a clicking, popping noise coming from my uterus. So weird! I consulted doctor Google, and it seems a lot of women have experienced this strange phenomenon, but no one knows what it's caused by! Any thoughts?

We are getting more ready every day. My thoughts wander more and more towards birth as that inevitable day draws near. But even more of my thoughts wander towards the reality of this little girl and what she looks like. What she smells like, is like.

I can't believe that she is in there...my little baby that I have dreamed about is alive and we get to meet her in a matter of weeks!
Life is so good.

pic removed

Or maybe even LESS! ( hopefully not too much less...but one can hope for a 38-9 weeker, right?)
I can't believe how close we are.

My little wriggle worm is so very active lately. She moves constantly, every hour. And I am getting SO BIG!!
And tired. Oh, the fatigue. Sometimes I feel like a zombie, and only a nap will make me feel human again.
It doesn't help that I'm baking in 105 degree weather and am not exactly sleeping soundly. I literally took a nap at 9am the other day after getting up at 8! For an hour!!! What in the world is going on with my body?

What I have been thinking about lately:

1. hemmor.oids. I have developed a nice little case of these little buggers, and while the condition seems copeable at the moment, I am DEATHLY afraid of the-ehem situation worsening during birth. Does anyone know how I can lessen the shock to my poor hiney?

2. BIRTH. People. I am about to actually give birth, and I'd be lying if I wasn't a bit nervous about it all. The problem with birth is that it is so unique for every women and you can hardly plan for it. The unknown terrifies me. I've been devouring every book I have about labor and delivery, hoping it will prepare me for whatever I may face.

3. PPD. depression runs in my family, and I am afraid of being overwhelmingly sad during the time of my life I have waited for for too long. I don't want to be bothered by depression when I want to be falling in love with our little love muffin. I have also had a few disturbing reoccurring thoughts about harm coming to my belly lately-not self inflicted, but that something will happen to my belly because of my carelessness. I think this is a manifestation of my mind being obsessed with protecting my little belly-buddy for the past 7+ months, and now its on sensory overload with all the things that could go wrong.
These thoughts disturb me and remind me of PPD and thoughts women have of horrible things happening to their babies.

I really hope they go away, because I have been very content with the safety of my baby lately, and I'm ready to have a worry-free pregnancy for the time remaining.

4. I can't wait to have good old not-pregnant s.ex with Hubster. Things just aren't the same with a rambunctious belly buddy gettin in the middle of things.

5. I'm getting a case of tender nips again, a la in early pregnancy. Still not much to report on in the growth department of the girls- what's up with that?

6. I am a little apprehensive about how our lives are about to change forever. I am so excited, and ready, and willing... I just hope the road ahead isn't bumpier than I imagine.

We are so in love with you, little one. It's all too good to be true.