lifeguard course is coming to an end. i have passed all the tests so far. its tiring, especially the towing part. it definitely isn't easy swimming 50m to a drowning victim, then tow him back 50m. i nearly dieded with all these towing. anyway, my fucked-up buddy seriously pissed me off today. he is one blardy scheming guy who is a real loser with no ba**s. i am serious. i have not met anyone like him before. a real loser with no integrity, no strength and looks exactly like a wimp. if u compare william hung with him, ha, william hung is brad pitt. loser who always eat dinner alone. get out of my life u bitch.
sorry for getting so agitated. i am just too lazy to type out the whole story. all my coursemates saw how scheming he is. how a loser he can be. argh. but i am relieved i have friends around to support me, to cool me down. thank you guys.
will be having half day tomorrow. i kinda miss the life i will be forgoing very soon. i miss suntanning during lunch time. i miss playing with my coursemates in the water. i miss the relaxed pace i am in now. come to think of it, the most interesting days of your life are always during course period. it may be so much more demanding, but definitely more enjoyable, more memorable.
anyway, my course instructor told me yesterday i look exactly like his ex-colleague. the resemblance is so great that he can't believe it. wth. i don't believe there is actually someone in this earth who can look exactly like me. but, it will be quite interesting if there is really one. ha.
floated away at
10:28 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2004 .a long rest.
have stopped blogging for quite a while. busy with the current lifeguard course that is draining lots of my energy. i am now as black as charcoal, and yes, the insensitive comments didn't help much. " hey g***n, y are u so black. its so ugly. " "hey g***n, you look exactly like an indian now!" "hey g**, your face looks like its burnt. " argh, but strangely, i am not at all disturbed with all these comments. perhaps i just feel black is better than fair. lol. or perhaps, i am not as vain as what you people think, but who will believe huh. read from some magazines that some girls include "vain guys" in their detest list. argh. WHY? isn't it time to be metrosexual? isn't it time for guys to start minding how they look? isn't it more presentable to look good? erm. why am i talking about this shallow topic anyway?
realise that i have a very "you resemble somebody" face. since i enlist into bmt, countless amount of people have been telling me this. " hey, you look like one of my friend/cousin/brother". it became so extreme like a few days ago during the start of my lifeguard course. whenever i start a conversation with somebody new, most of them will say i resemble somebody they know. ok, there are at least 5 so far in the course . do i really have such a ordinary face?! isn't it very easy for anybody to pick me up using this sentence? LOL. kk, g***n, wake up.
my car came on the 18th Feb. it looks good. it looks new. it looks like the mazda 6, i mean, the colour. i simply love it. i guess i have made the correct decision in accepting the deal, but then, i know my pocket is being burnt, and is STILL gonna burn further with the few modifications i am planning to do on my car. its time to spend less on food, computer games, clothes and handphone.
1 more week to the end of my lifeguard course. i think i will miss it. tiring, yes, but at least we are excused from uniform for 2 weeks. the feeling is so great. its like... i have ORDed. i love my current army life. i seriously learnt many new skills. hopefully, i will be a certified lifeguard in a week's time. =)
nothing else so far. i am tired. my eyes are red. i need sleep.
*p.s sorry for the ***. it adds a little mysterious effect though its still obvious. lol.
floated away at
2:47 AM
Sunday, February 15, 2004 .singlehood.
spent my vday yesterday with someone whom i haven't been meeting up for ages. so comforting. so enjoyable. at least i don't feel restricted with that someone around. i wonder why. so long since we last met. but i don't feel any awkwardness. any uncomfortness. any hypocrisy. ha. old friends.
wanted to party yesterday. but thanks to them. i didn't . i wonder why clubbing seems so appealing to me now. i love dancing though i can't dance. i love the crowd though i hate squeezing with them. i love the atmosphere though i hate the smoke. lol. contradicting? whatever. but last night. i led a healthy lifestyle at the cinema watching gothika with 1 scardey-cat, and my "brothers". more thrilling, rather than horrifying. good show.
so basically, my vday is being spent with these people. quite memorable. i will try to remember this date as long as i can. as for her, perhaps i do feel something for her being attached so soon. but its definitely not depression. argh. she somehow suxs. my friends think i am bitter. i think i am the winner. at least i am not tied down at the moment. at least i have the freedom to breathe without anyone's control. stop giving me crap. love turns hatred. ha. i LOVE singlehood.
floated away at
3:17 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2004 .happy valentine's day!.
i rather stay at home clicking websites than squeezing with the crowds and roses. i rather dine at home rather than pay for costly valentine meals. i rather let you people think i am sour rather than really getting sour. however, i guess i will consider stepping out of the house . later in the night. to party with lonely souls who needs love.
floated away at
7:27 PM
Friday, February 13, 2004 .friday the 13rd.
if anyone realise, today is friday the 13rd. i have counted. there are 2 such days this year. people say it is an unlucky day, but to me, it seems like any other day to me. i guess its just another myth. valentine is just tomorrow. i don't miss anyone. i am not saddened. instead, i am relieved. i feel free. i know you are no longer in my heart. i no longer need you to be around on this day. you never were around anyway. friends have been asking me out tomorrow, but i have to admit, i am not at all keen. perhaps i am jealous of those who are attached. perhaps i know i will just be laughing at those silly guys who bought roses for their girlfriends. perhaps i just wanna save more money.
anyway, let talk about some happier stuff. i have a piece of good news. i got selected to be in my formation swimming team. so excited. i know competition is damn tough, since all the very good swimmers will be competing against each other, but i feel honoured to be part of the team. and yes, this makes my whole army life so less boring. but then again, my boss complained to be just now that i have too many sports committment. he asked me to prioritize my work. and he is barring me from going waterpolo training during may. damn it. yea yea, as if i am not doing any work. fuck off if u can't swim. why stop me ? ha, i am smug ya? lol. just for fun.
floated away at
7:16 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2004 .can't get it out of my mind.
not in the best of mood these few days. i am troubled over the same old thing. i know i shouldn't be brooding over it. argh. just can't get it out of my mind. it has been long since i last experience tremedous stress. sometimes i think the winners are the people around me. they enjoy what i get, yet they don't need to give anything up. so fortunate. its all too late. anyway i am the one giving myself so much stress. i just feel its incumbent upon me to do so since i have accepted the deal. somehow i feel this will continue to create further unhappiness. its sad. when stress overweighs excitement.
i know i am lamenting. or whining. or regretting. i don't know. like i say. i am a whimsical soul. i can't even understand myself. i suddenly miss jc days. i miss my friends. i miss my school. i miss econs. i miss maths. i miss the environment. i wanna go back..
i wanna go back..
floated away at
11:45 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004 .6pec.
i have decided. i just saw my tummy. this shouldn't be happening. say me vain or watsoever. i am determined this time. i want to slim down. i want to have 6 pec. i wan to be lean. to those who are laughing at me right now, i am not william hung. i am sure of myself. i don't sing "she bangs" when i know i can't. i want 6 pec. i want a lean body. i want bigger arm. i know i sound himbolic. but yes, i am a little crazy right now.
floated away at
10:26 PM
.no breath.
everyone is pushing me so hard. why can't people see i am working . why can't people sense the stress i am facing right now. everyone thought i am so fortunate, so well-off, so relaxed. yes, they can think what they want. how i hope there is someone here who can share my problems with me. how i wish i didn't make this dreadful decision. i seriously hate this. today isn't my day. i spent my whole day slacking, like a useless piece of shit. say what integrity, we worked so late yet nobody bothers to wait for us. fuck them. they just want to go home. i feel like shit now. don't ask me why.
floated away at
8:18 PM
Sunday, February 08, 2004 .i used to....
people change. i agree. i used to hate swimming. i used to hate night life. i used to hate crowd. i used to think clubbing suxs. i used to detest singlehood. i used to hate school. i used to dream living in a bungalow. i used to think how good is it to own a car. i used to avoid adapting different environment. i used to heck care my appearances. i used to..
i guess i am used to all the changes around me. i have learnt to accept them. people change. you just have to accept it.
sometimes, i wonder why people have to make choices. very often, people tend to feel they had made the wrong decision. of course, every decision requires sacrifices. if u wanna watch a movie, you have to miss lying on your bed for a good rest. if you wanna buy a new digicam, you will have to start saving for the rest of the month. if you want a girlfriend, you have to start rejecting "dates" from your usual clique of friends. i know. but the paramount concern is, is your decision worth it? will that decision affect your current life greatly. if it will, i personally feel it is a bad decision.
i know, its inevitable making decisions. in my whole entire life, i have countless bad decision-making experiences. however, i never regret. i never lament. i never feel its a waste of time. i never wish it didn't happen at all. wise choices or bad choices, they are just another experience that we can learn and analyse from. without them, life will be unimaginable.
floated away at
8:59 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004 .SMU interview. is this ethical to price discriminate? how will it help if consumers know their rights? i was asked these questions during the group interview today. yes, i spoke up. just 1 line. i guess i am just not as keen as those who talked lots and lots, say it nonsense or not , to get into SMU. i went there to escape army, to see how SMU's life is. seriously, i am impressed and fascinated by the life there. everyone looks so actively involved in something. there is dance going on, and the WHOLE sports stadium is filled with many students. quite happening from the outside yea? but, there is a missing element that can affect my decision in getting into NUS. i guess it will be the first, and the last time stepping into that campus.
interview. ha. say it fate, there is this really pretty indonesian girl who went for the same interview as i do, and yes, during the essay writing, i was asked to sit beside her. *grin* we chatted. she is pretty. i am ugly. and the worse part is, i saw her walking along the pavement when i was about to drive out the campus, and i actually offered her a lift. erm. =p in the end, i didn't even know her full name and yes, i didn't get her number. now, who says i am sociable towards girls?! i am , in actual fact, a very very shy guy. in disguise.
the stress i am facing now is immense. i know i have disappointed you, so i am trying to prove you wrong by actions, not sppech. give me time. i will prove everything you think now is wrong.
my eyes are closing again.....................
floated away at
8:15 PM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
.
my job is getting very tiring. i walk to camp every morning feeling so lethargic, so listless and step home every evening feeling so dead, so exhausted. i am puzzled myself too, when my job scope doesn't actually demand much in physical form. i guess it must be the boredom of it. there is no thrill, no changes, no challenges. monotonous is the word. just admit it, i am leading a very dead life.
BUT i can always change it. i can always visit the gym, read books, prepare for university, attend seminars, invest stocks, train for swimming, or even attend night courses. yes, i can, but as i said earlier, i am so dead, so exhausted after a day's work. fortunately i have a student for me to pass my excess free time faster.
mentioning my student, ah, i actually forgot ALL insects have 6 legs, and they have 3 different parts known as the head, thorax and abdomen. i bet many of u can't remember this either. i better brush up my Science before i start losing my only student. ha.
yesterday, i was thinking i am seriously quite blessed. i have a friend who sent me a box of my favourite biscuits by post as christmas gift even though he sees me almost everyday. i have a friend who message me everyday offering me a ride to camp and NEVER complains even though he usually has to wait for me. i have a colleague who bought me a drink without me asking when i was busy doing my work. i have friends who never fail to count me in for every outings they have. i have friends who realise my absence in an important event. i am seriously grateful, seriously blessed, seriously touched to have friends like them. i can't imagine how my life will be without these important people who never fails to brighten up my day. =) seriously can't. simple things like these can really brighten up one's life. i am surrounded by such kind souls around, but i often ask myself, am i such a nice chap to them too? i bet no. i need to improve myself. i wanna make a better friend to the rest, someone whom they can trust and rely on.
floated away at
10:41 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004 .busy.
life has been a peace for some time. have been constantly kept busy by outings, sleeping , tuition, gunbound and my recently modified ps2. this feeling is better than tasting loneliness and emptiness. i have my first student yesterday. a great experience indeed. i simply love kids. so gullible, so simple, so lovely.
sometimes i wonder if getting that is the right choice. i have ambivalent feelings about the decision i have made during christmas. i am holding on a load that isn't so easy to withstand. i could have an easy life, but since the decision has been made, i shall not regret.
gunbound is fun. i finally realise why so many people are hooked on to that game. at least it takes away the most dreadful feeling temporarily - loneliness.
