Monday, May 29, 2006
.you know.
you love your current job when you were smiling to yourself while driving thinking of the adorable kids.
you couldn't stop swearing when your boss delayed your payment and tried to tie you down by some despicable means.
you adored spoilt kids because you couldn't stop pampering them.
you were happy when you couldn't stop laughing and talked non-stop.
you were hungry when you just couldn't stop eating.
you were fucking suay when you just couldn't get the mahjong tiles you wanted irregardless of how good your tiles were in the first place.
you accepted your fate when you just hoped for one "wind" to end and started worrying whether you had enough money to pay up your losses.b
What life.
floated away at
4:12 AM
Thursday, May 25, 2006
.neglected.
i was about to step out of my house today to school when my mum stopped me. she said to me: " eh, i have already prepared the food you know. I thought you finally have time to eat at home and I have prepared something sumptuous .. roasted meat, steam fish , and bbq pork.... NOW, you are leaving again! " She then stormed off to the kitchen and told my maid to keep the fish and meat since I won't be home eating AGAIN. Suddenly, I hesistated and started to feel guilty. I then pondered. I was trying hard to think of the last time I had a decent meal with my parents at home.... I couldn't.
It suddenly struck me how I have been spending so much time with friends, school activities, courses, tuition & coaching to the extent of neglecting my family. These days, my house is like my hotel. I come home late @ night and leave home early in the morning... I don't talk to my parents. I don't ask how their life is. I don't even bother to smile to them...
Fuck. What an ingrate. What a slut.
And just now over dinner, I realised my dad wasn't talking much at all. He had a few mouth of rice and went to his room after which. He wasn't at his usual self at all. Then I heard from mum that he is facing some problems in his business. ( as in those clients who do not wanna pay him money , shipping problems etc etc. ) I went to his room and he was on the phone discussing business. At that instance, I am so proud of him. He is forever so task-driven, and never ever vent his frustrations on his family. He will always choose to solve his problems himself and not complain: " eh i have a lot of problems already, and still must raise the family.. you know v hard a not... can u all spare a thought for me.. "
Then I thought people often feel they are not being appreciated. Frankly, will it help if you ask people to appreciate you? Somehow, appreciation, like trust, must be earned too. You don't ask for appreciation. You EARN it. How about your parents? Do you show your appreciation all the time? Will they ever complain you are not being appreciative. Will they shower you with less love after that? NO...
I have learnt something from my dad today. Do things unconditionally. If you want to help people, do not expect to be repaid. If you feel that you are doing more stuff than the rest, feel proud of yourself. To me, it's pointless feeling unfair/mistreated. Don't you agree?
Ermm..
I wish I could have helped my dad more.
floated away at
8:01 PM
steamboat ; happy familyy
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7:21 PM
peggen cfm kope this collage one.
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7:19 PM
marvellous
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7:18 PM
more chionging
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7:17 PM
chiong hill.
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7:15 PM
asoc camp games committee 2006 (w/o kelly,ryan, terry & clara)
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7:14 PM
nice pic i realise
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7:08 PM
helmet warrrr haha
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3:30 AM
'dangling in the air
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3:28 AM
.enriched.
if anyone is to ask me how's my holidays so far, I will say it has been rather fulfilling, happy and interesting. To those who are interested, I am currently taking up a NCAP Coaching Theory Course at Civil Service College that provides coaches with additional knowledge on how to be a better coach. Something interesting about this course would be getting to interact with different kinds of coaches(tennis,soccer,gymnas,squash,you name it etc..) & knowing how their profession is like. Also, since everybody is rather aligned in their goals, there are pretty many common topics to talk about during break time. Oh, Jos Yeo happens to be my coursemate too!
Personally, I find this course extremely useful and enriching because it effectitively guides me on how to be a better coach. Stuff like putting yourself in the shoes of the players, striking a balance btw social and task etc etc have struck me that being a good coach needs lots of effort actually. It's not just about YOU, but your interaction/communication with your students. A coach makes a huge difference in his student's life and it's important to realise a bad/irresponsible coach can only produce sub-standard students. Also, I especially like the part which coaches of different sports share their experiences & issues to the whole course...
Overall, with all the workshops that I have attended so far, I felt there is so much to reflect upon. I might need to learn to strike a balance to my task-oriented working attitude. I might need to learn to be a better son & friend. I might need to be more sensitive towards others. I might need to be more firm & plan before every coaching session... I might need to be more encouraging ... I might need to..... *endless*
Also, planning AsoC camp so far has been extremely stressful, but fun. It's great seeing the whole committee bonded together, travelling around Sentosa laughing away, having fun during steamboat YET able to concentrate on the task allocated to them. For those who read my blog, a big THANK YOU. ( Those quieter ones, please interact more... )
Lastly, i wish to thank you for being so nice. thanks for being so thoughtful & considerate at all times. thanks for bringing joy into my life. thanks for listening to my rants. and last but not least, thanks for the shirt!
floated away at
2:49 AM
Saturday, May 20, 2006
.the life of a K2 kid.
today, coaching was damn relaxing. Only 1 of my students turn up today. In a way, it was kinda a relief because coping with 7 mischievous kids is damn tiring, and it would be worse when you hadn't gotten any good rest since your morning training followed by a draggy meeting that lasted the WHOLE afternoon. In fact, I was so desperate to catch a nap that I sped to HCJC just to catch a nap before my lessons.
Anyway, I was pretty amused and shocked today because there was this cry-baby in my group who has been giving me lots of problem whenever i am conducting lessons. All the non-stop cryings really want me to drown her in the pool at times. *kidding* ha. Fortunately, she was the only one who turned up today, so I could finally give her the 100% attention which she need because she has water phobia. Her phobia was pretty serious. Whenever she touches water, she will start to shiver & scream if I am not supporting her. Luckily, for today, I could afford to distract her for the entire 1.5 hours by communicating with her & coaxing her with my friendliest smile. ( Actually, she complained to her mum I was damn fierce. wtf?! ) And there was this point of time when I asked: " So.. what do you do for the rest of your week? " and guess what. This is HER schedule.
Monday: Classes in the morning. Evening : Speech and Drama Classes
Tuesday: Classes in the morning Evening: English Tuition
Wednesday: Classes in the morning. Evening: Chinese Tuition
Thursday: Classes in the morning. Evening: Ballet classes
Friday: Classes in the morning. Afternoon: Abacus Classes Evening: Piano Classes
Saturday: Drawing lessons in the morning. Night: Professional Swimming classes
Sunday: Church
OMG. I was shocked. Luckily, I was born in the correct era. Kids, these days, are so cramped with activities. And if you think the kids will appreciate such arrangements,
her reply to " So do you like your life? " was:- " I cannot breathe. So tiring. I just wanna sleep. "
Haha. Not funny when you see it in words. You should have seen her reaction and tone. Damn hilarious, damn innocent. :P
I will never let my kids suffer like this, as in, do it MODERATELY.....
floated away at
11:50 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
.dilemma.
As usual, i have been rather busy this week. coaching, tuition, fundraisings, churning out proposals, workshops, gym trainings, gatherigs and misc, have kept me rather occupied. What's new man?
Last week, one of my friend somehow chided me for asking her out only when I feel like it. Honestly, I have been feeling rather guilty and I feel I could have made more effort in making time for my family & friends.
Frisbee BBQ on Vesak Day was a "ha-ha" event. More bonded? Felt closer? Erhm, I feel you need more than just a gathering to do so. However, throwing P in the pool was kinda shiok. At night, P and R, or rather, M ( if you get my joke ), stayed over and yea, it was fun with all the pillow fight and so. Again, the last time I had a pillow fight was during S's birthday @ Swissotel. *sigh*
People often say:" Hey, let meet up soon ok?? " However, how often does someone really take the initiative to organise the outing? Everybody is busy I guess, some are plain slacking.. I feel all these "let meet up soon" thing is absolutely nonsensical, and true friends will just go :" eh free now? lets meet now, or tomorrow. " Maybe I am talking nonsense, but the idea was there la.... For me, I try to refrain from making empty promises because I feel " Let's meet up soon " should be expressed sincerely and, of course, the other party must feel the same way too.
My weekends were basically spent coaching adorable & innocent kids. I love kids.
Monday -> Wednesday was spent attending a 3 Day Circles Facilitator Workshop organised by the school.. The workshop was pretty enriching and I seriously felt some new stuff I learnt are very applicable in real life. In just 3 days, I have learnt how important planning actually is, how one should be task-oriented, how the level of maturity affect the performance of the team etc etc. To sum it all up, the workshop has really thought me to be a better person, better coach and better leader. I am so thankful for having such opportunities to enrich myself... I just pray that the values I had learnt wouldnt go into waste after a while.
Planning a camp is really tiring and time-consuming. Hours coming out with proposals, concrete plans, plots and groupings just isn't easy. However, the satisfaction of seeing your plan work will soon come i hope.
I still have so many matters to settle...
Will be going Yunnan in 3 weeks time. I am still wondering whether I made the right choice. Will be submitting $800 to the committee this week, and the practical me was so heartbroken because I am not only losing $800 but the opportunity cost of my coaching allowance, tuition allowance and the joy from coaching my swimming kids. I wonder whether my kids will miss me. I wonder whether all these are worth it. Honestly, i would have dropped out if given a choice now... but with such tight timings... i dunno. Personally, I am still towards the "dropping out" line.... ARGH!
Can I?
Things are quite in a mess right now. I am not exactly talking much with my family, I have not done what I want to do, and my life is so darn uninteresting. I hope I could have done more. I wanna achieve so much more..
I am starting to worry about next term, whether taking 5 modules will kill me because of my busy schedule. I am so greedy that I wanna take up 2 more tuition kids and coach more students privately. I wanna make FULL use of my time, but I know, I will get drained sooner or later. Right now, I am contemplating whether I should go for swimming trainings, and try out canoe polo..... haha.
Erm... Don't worry.. I guess I know my limits..
And Elvin, cheer up :) I love dogs and I think I know how u feel....
Goodbye,
Gavin
floated away at
3:30 PM
Sunday, May 14, 2006
gym!!
floated away at
3:26 PM
ruffyy
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3:24 PM
guys' nightss
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3:23 PM
Friday, May 12, 2006
.bombshell.
i think i have just gone broke. as most of you already know, i have been really busy engaging myself with tuition and coaching, and guess what? I have absolutely nothing on today and I ended up spending $400 + over some personäl stuff. *&*&#(@ .
Clubbing yesterday wasn't exactly enjoyable at first because MOS simply suxs. The crowd, the music and ..... I don't really like that place very much. I am transforming into a typical Singaporean clubber where Zouk is my first choice because it felt more homely and cosy. Ha, but it's true. Too bad the queue was way too long yesterday and my friends didn't have the patience to wait. However, things got better soon after we got ourselves more drinks. Got high, danced, and the company was extremely sporting. =) P came and got to know my S*U friends. they are how cool right. :P Supper @ gardens again, delicious magi goreng & nice conversations. J was nice enough to give all of us a ride. Thanks.
A day out with P today. Went f****** and spent a bomb! argh. I finally signed up for my Coaching stuff. Soon to be I am gonna be a certified coach. *cheers*
Yunnan planning people were pretty enthusiastic over the trip. Seeing their efforts make me wanna stay more. Maybe just play around with my schedule and things should get better.
And... frisbee training schedule has to be revamped. Training too slack, members not exactly conditioned and not everybody is exactly serious during training. Better be disciplined before we can call ourselves a high-profile CCA in S*U seriously.
floated away at
12:17 AM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
part 1 :
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12:09 AM
my "girlfriend" is so unreasonable.... how?? HAHA she is so gonna kill me
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12:07 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
.swimm.
my student didn't turn up for lessons again. For 3 consecutive Mondays, i haven't had the chance to see my this particular student whom I am supposed to take over from my colleague. I blame it on Monday blues. *lame*
And so, as I had nothing else to do, I went down the pool for a swim and tried to "steal" some coaching skills from this China coach. I realised she really pushes the students really hard. Swimming 20 laps of breaststroke, followed by 20 laps of butterfly, followed by 20 laps of front crawl and lastly 20 laps of backstroke is seriously no joke. Again, it reminded me of my greatest regret in life - to try every means to escape swimming classes and to skip swimming trainings whenever i could. I strongly believe in myself if I had attended swimming trainings diligently when I was young, I could have been 10 times a better swimmer than I am right now. What a waste.
Maybe human beings will never be satisfied with what they have. Indeed, i have myself so many ideals and hopes , and so many " Why am I .... Why is it like ..... Why can't life be ..... Why can't I be ..... bla bla bla. " To summarise, I am never contented no matter how much assurance I might get from people. It's just about meeting your personal goals, but I realise I never really had one. My personal goal is to be at least on par with my so-called competitors, but... who are my competitors? People around me? People who are better than me? Err. Maybe it's just me being too competitive but I am truly aware all the comparison is just endless and makes you a more unhappy person.
So am I currently happy with my life? I can't say I am extremely happy, but I feel this is the best I can be right now. Of course, I will continue to pursue my ideals and to be a better person as days go by.
Also, these days I spent a lot of my time on the roads. In just 4 days, I have travelled 400km! And the time alone in my car has been mostly spent on self-reflections - why do I make myself so busy? why am I not doing what my peers are doing? why do i set enjoyment as such low priority? why am i so busy earning $$ when I seriously do not need $ so badly? why do some people work despite meagre pay? why is Mr Chiam still so popular? and many other why why why why why.
Also, I am been conversing with this friend of mine and he was telling me about his love life, on how the girl has been ignoring the signals he gave and how she gave just enough to make himself a "choice" of hers. Are girls seriously so practical? Are they really so hard to understand? Seeing some of my friends so happily in love has indeed made me a little envious, but still, some tragic experiences and the non-stop squabbles by some others has somehow even it up. So far, for me, I can only say luck is not on my side.. yet. And, I am really confused on why the most recent incident still stir up lots of emotions in me... Whatever, just don't mention it in front of me again.
So many other worries. I am contemplating whether I should drop my Yunnan trip or to take my NCAP Swimming theory test on a later date. What should I do? Yunna trip = forgoing coaching lessons, tuition, a trip to BK, bonding with family & friends and comfy bed? arghh.
floated away at
10:56 PM
.frigged.
i think i have tire myself too much. i felt today was the maximum I could go man.
a mini birthday celebration with P yesterday with Z at holland V. kinda fun and we started smashing cakes on each other's face. quite hilarious and P was running around Holland V like a lunatic. haha. errr, no comments. haha. Anyway, I nearly puked when the cake was smashed onto me, and yes, it did remind me of S's birthday @ Swissotel when J and I smashed the cake onto H's face and I was stuck at the toiletbowl for "Iamnotsure" reason. Somehow, the group isn't hanging around that much anymore due to, again, "Iamnotsure" reasons. *Sigh* Is it because we have found better friends, or is it just me who is too busy. arghhhh.
so today, i had only 4 hours of sleep. woke up at 8, rush down Yishun for coaching till 2pm. Rushed down East Coast to do some charity wash,(shagged) followed by another mad rush to tuition, then LASTLY to Holland V for frisbee exco meeting. wtf. I nearly suffered gastric as I was famished after tuition and P and I had some miscommunication error which led to me raising my voice on her. I even had to eat one pathetic Mac meal in the car while travelling to HV!
This kind of hectic lifestyle is madness. Drains away energy unknowingly..
Life is always contradicting. I choose this busy life, but yet sometimes I yearn to be free.
Human beings are just dumb asses, or maybe, it's just me.
Looking @ my schedule tomorrow, its gonna be another mad rush.
*MI3 was great. Go watch it.
floated away at
1:00 AM
Thursday, May 04, 2006
.shallow.
these days, i no longer turn to blogging when i am frustrated, pissed off, upset or demoralised. i used to do that when i only gave my blog address to my few close friends. however, nowadays, i realised my blog links are everywhere and it's scary how some superficial acquaintances of yours are reading your every past entries and comment about it to his/her friends.
thus, i only blog about happy stuff these days. happy pictures, happy events, and whatever that make people happy. of course, these posts do not equate to me being a really happy person, but at least, what people see is a jovial, cheerful and happy-go-lucky gav*n, at least to these superficial acquaintances.
laughs.
a few weeks back, one of my friends commented on how blogs are used to manipulate people's feelings and how rubbish some blogs are. they are not truthful and reading them are a waste of time. erhm.
holidays started on the 13th April for me. NUS/NTU pals, don't kill me. :P However, i realised i have been pushing myself kinda hard ever since the start of holidays. gym.frisbee.plan asoc camp06.chillingout.mahjong.movie.shopping.supper.run.swim.coaching.tuition.sleep.
Although i was so packed, i realised i am engaging in monotonous stuff! On second thoughts, these activities which I am currently engaging in are not rising me up to a higher level. Sometimes, I think whether it would be wise to drop swimming and pick up a new sports so that i won't feel so useless. Oh, I am investing in stocks but all my funds are under my dad's control. It's not fulfilling at all. shrucks.
My greatest priority currently is to learn as many new skills as possible. Playing and entertainment are secondary to me. Even girls. *laughs* ( although it can be quite dull without these ... ) Call me competitive, but one cannot afford to lose so much especially when you are already 22 years old.
i guess i need to give my current life a deeper thought, on whether i really want to lead such a life, or maybe try out something different. I am extremely thankful I attained a fairly decent grade this term despite my busy tight schedule, and I confess it's indeed very fulfilling knowing you managed to do well in juggling so many things at one go. *i had my fair share of failure and disappointment though*
I have many things to blog actually, but I shall leave it to another day?
Take good care everybody. (:
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5:42 PM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
.tiring.
i need a well-deserved rest.
past few days had been really packed. thanks god i had the whole of yesterday to laze @ home to sleep. i realised i desperately needed that long-awaited sleep.
updates soon.
for now, i shall laze around and perhaps meet up friends for some supper. :P
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10:15 PM
