Note2Self-byPharaoh

Last night I came across a website that sold T'shirts. The thing that stood out about the site is all the shirts were geared towards a specific market - homosexuals....and I would say mostly gay men. The shirts displayed things like;

Certified Top/bottom

Diva/Divo

I [heart] Boys/Tops/Bottoms

Got Cakes/Trade?

Label Whore

Vogue

Active Top/Bottom/Versatile

It Boy/Girl

Been There Done Him

There's others. I just mentioned a few here. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I'm curious to hear others' thoughts about it.

Sincerely,

Pharaoh

PS I'm not mentioning the url for the site because I'm not giving free advertising, particularly before I decide if I like the idea or not.

OK, so this like JUST happened. I came home from work. My mom asked about the mail, then opened the front door to check the mailbox. Nothing was there, so we all figured it had not arrived yet. Like 10 minutes later my uncle walks in through the kitchen door and announces the mail just arrived and lays it on the table next to me. I take it upon myself to sort it, since there's like 8 people that receive mail and I figure I can just take mine out.

For some reason, my mom has received the new Barbie catalog. I guess the homo in me that appreciates beauty took over and I flipped through it.

I found her;

This picture doesn't do her as much justice as the catalog, but soon as I finished flipping through it, I came online to the website.

That is when I found her;

I ain't gonna lie, I ain't gonna sugah coat it. I want these dolls. I have no clue what I will do with them other than leave them in the box and put them on the shelf, but I want them. The first is Cleopatra, the second is Athena. And if I ever find that they do a Nefertiti....I'll get her too.

NOW the hard part is I don't know if I want to order these dolls and have them shipped here to my parents house, but they are both limited editions and I don't want to wait too long to get them because they may be sold out. Check the website; barbiecollector.com

What to do? I feel slightly better having gay porn delivered here for some reason.

Sincerely,

Pharoah

PS Years ago there was a Barbie I saw (also in a catalog) the I want, but I don't know what it's called but she was black, remind me of Jill Scott, very sassy...hmm that might be the name.

So I got up this morning, Racing to get to the bathroom. My stomach was going through it. So I wash up, rinsed my mouth with some Scope, took an Alka-Seltzer and jumped in Thunderbolt.

I rolling down the freeway on my way to work. I get into the Downtown area and my stomach flipped again. I can feel the bile coming up my throat. I'm in the far left lane and there no shoulder. I look to see about going to the right but there's no shoulder over there either and I wouldn't have made it through the traffic.

The only option left was to let the window down. That was a disaster. At the speed I was travelling the wind forced everything back in on me as well as spayed the whole side of the car. I call my supervisors and tell them what just happen, then turned around and head home.

I shower, wash my clothes and climb back in bed.

What a day?

Sincerely,

Pharaoh

SOOO, in short I have been struggling with my faith. For a while it has repeatedly seem that when ever I seek out something positive for myself, and try to have faith that things will work out....it doesn't.

It's been hard because I don't want to seem ungrateful for the blessing that I do receive. However, it sucks to want something and it stays out of reach.

Well I mentioned that I had a jury summons. I DID NOT want to to have to serve on a case. I expected to just call in to the automated system a couple times then be released. But I actually had to go into the courthouse. After going to the Courthouse jury assembly room, I thought "Ok if I spend a day sitting here then get released, I can work with that." However I got called on the first panel and was forced to return a week later. The whole week I kept telling myself that I wouldn't have to serve on the case because it was suppose to last 30 days. I was trying to stake the claim in the universe for what I wanted. The idea was that when I called the system again a week later it would say that I am dismissed. Yet, I was told to report to the courthouse again.

So Wednesday I had to sit through the jury selection process. I was one of the first names to be called for the jury box. I spent the WHOLE day in the jury box. I thought my fate was sealed. At 4:30pm (Right before the judge called a recess for the day,) I was asked to be excused by one of the attorneys. And my duty was complete.

In the end I got what I wanted, my jury duty did not extend beyond the 2 week period. I was a bit surprised and relieved.

I must say that this experience may be a start to rebuilding my dwindling faith. I was frustrated that for a while it looked like I was going to have to extend the jury service. The lesson that I am going to work on trying to remember is that God/Creator/Divine Universe may not deliver when and how you want it but there's a delivery all the same. Maybe on the road to rebuilding my faith is to not focus on the hows and whens, just the whats that equals to the desired results.

Sincerely,

Pharaoh

Monday night I had a surprising visit. Someone who I dated a while back, called and was in the area and wanted to see me. So the background is that we dated it had to be like almost 10 years ago because I believe I was living at home which means I was just out of college. Things didn't work out but we stayed in quasi-contact. Then a few years later we tried dating again briefly, but the same issue popped up and we again stopped dating but stayed in touch again as friends. The issue that popped up is that he basically was scared, it more than that but I'm trying to keep this short.

Out of the blue, he crossed my mind and I called him about a month ago. We chatted, just catching up. He lives in the booneys like an hour outside LA so we haven't seen each other in like 3-4 years. He still in school and that's why I don't call him often so I don't interfere with his studies.

Anyway he was in his mom's car and wanted to see me before heading back to Lancaster (the Booneys.) SO we ended up at Denny's and talked while sipping on drinks. He was very open about his feelings towards me which was slightly different from other times.

He called me his personal crack or heroin. He said he realizes that I'm the one person (he dated) that he can't seem to shake. I am the one person that seems to cause him to light up when ever he's around me. He made several other flattering comments and I finally let him know that I knew he was trying to say that he loves me.

He wants to date again. He wants....to see if we can work long term.

Sincerely,

Pharaoh

I don't know what is going on and why crap seem to happen to me.

So the week started with the notion that the Department head was going to be doing some restructuring and that someone from my section would be reassigned, (yes it's a blessing that they weren't talking lay-off.) And another small blessing is that I wasn't the one that got reassigned.

On top of that I had to give up my regular Monday off to accommodate the fact that I was sent a Jury Summons. Ok so giving up my day off sucks but I can handle it.

Jury duty was suppose to consisted of calling a 800 number for a week, I actually got called into the courthouse. SO if you are called in to the courthouse, the policy is you have to serve either 1 day or 1 case which could be 5-7 days. The first time a judge asks for a jury panel for a case that day of course my name gets called. But of course it can't be a simple case. This case is suppose to last 30 days, but the actually jury selection won't begin until Oct 6th. And I am now stuck in limbo, and possibly may loose several more of my days off if I the attorneys don't settle out of court before the 6th.

Then there's my father who for lack of a better way of putting seems like he is just being a hypocritical jerk. The other day I was watching something that was on the DVR. Normally I fast forward through the commercials that's the benefit of watching a recording after the show has aired. So this particular commercial break I let the commercials play while I go take a piss. before I can get back into the family room to go back to the show my father is fussing about walking off leaving the TV blaring. Now this is the same man who usually have the tv so loud that people have to shout like they are in a bar to have a conversation; the same man who walks away the TV like I did nearly 20 times a day; and the same man who nearly suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder and will leave the TV blasting to go shoot pool out in the garage. However I did it and it was like I committed treason.

I need a vacation! I think I may take a trip to the Caribbean or something....I'm not really one to go to places where I don't know anyone or I have never been before, by myself...but maybe I need to now.

Sincerely,

Pharaoh