Note2Self-byPharaoh

Self,

Well I couldn't do it.  I couldn't be the ASSHOLE as I said on Christmas Eve.  Doesn't mean the situation is resolved, just means I could put an damper on the holiday.....so it's bubbling on the back burner.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

This man is unbelieveable!

So for weeks, since atleast just before Thanksgiving, THEBoyfriend said that he was going to Chruch Christmas morning.  OK it sounded important to him so I did not have a problem with it.  SO the plan is that we would spend Christmas Eve together and while he went of to church and to spend Christmas day with his bestfriend who will be in LA from ATL, I would go home to exchange gifts and spend the day with my family.

So yesterday morning, I get a text while at work that reads;

"I decided to forgo Christmas morning service so we could [spend] more time together Christmas morning.....That is if you would like to spend Christmas morning with me?"

REALLY - You got to be f*cking kidding me!

I was speechless.  All I sent back was "Wow."   So now he's making me have to choose between being the evil son/brother who won't be around Christmas morning or being the mean boyfiend who "doesn't want to spend more time with his man on Christmas morning, because he has other plans."  Great....and I'm suppose to be excited or something about all this.  He obviously didn't understand or care about the position into which he just squeezed me. 

He sent back: "WOW..!!? Thats all u have to say...?" 

Now I'm also mad that I have to explain to him what he's done, I text back;

"Yeah cuz u put me in an unfair position. For weeks u said u were going to church & I based my plans on that.  Now u made a decision changing that....so now u having me looking like an asshole to my family if I stay with u.....or I look like an asshole to u if I don't stay....so yeah all I can say is WOW. So is this a test what would you have me say?"

He said go be with my family but I wasn't falling for that bluff and called him on it by pointing out that doing so basically then made me a horrible boyfriend. Me being me I also told him that I would see what I can do to accommodate the change and we will discuss it later because I didn't think this conversation should have been had via text.

There's a part of me that is pissed enough that I want to continue my plans as schedule....or make it worse by getting up at dawn Christmas morning to go home.  It turns out that my parents are planning to go to church and won't be done til the early afternoon so things should work out.

That said, I will still have to be the ASSHOLE boyfriend on Christmas Eve when I see him.  THEBoyfriend is not just very demanding as he has said, he is utterly selfish.  The audacity to make a decision that effects me and then manipulate the situation so that I become the villian if he doesn't get what he wants is....asinine....and a thousand other words that I can't express at the moment.  Maybe I'm having a Bitch moment but I don't think so.  THEBoyfriend needs to be told about himself and his bullsh*t because this type of behavior is totally unacceptable.  His actions (even with the good intentions of wanting to spend more time together) were a total disrespect of me as an individual as if I don't matter and if it continues..... frankly, I will walk.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

I can't help but wonder how to be the direct beneficiary of some Cosmic Favoritism.  I seem to only get it secondhand.

So I was wondering through a store a few months back and stumbled upon something that I thought would be a nice gift for a friend.  (I can't say too much in case the friend is reading I don't want this person knowing their gift before I give it to them, and for identifiaction this will be FriendA.)  So I bought it. And to keep it simple, lets call it gift#1a  On it's own it would mostly be a "thoughtful" gift, not bad since it wasn't planned.  Later I thought of something that would be a great pairing to gift#1a and the combination would be a "fitting" gift for the person.  So I decided I would buy  gift#1b.  As I stood there thinking about it for a second it occurred to me that gift#1b would be nice for another person who I know through FriendA, who I'll call FriendB. So I actually bought two gift#1b. 

Well I got to thinking that it would be nice if I could find something similar to gift#1a for FriendB.  So I started intentially wandering stores looking for another gift#1a.  I found one...I didn't like it as much but it did complete the pairing.  However I also kept looking.
So the other day, I showed everything to my mom and explained the situation. She agreed that the gift#1a that I bought for FriendB wasn't quite as nice as the one for FriendA, so we decide to try another store.  WOULD YOU BELIVE that I found the exact same gift#1a.  It's a perfect match!

So the point of all this is that although I am thankful that I was able to find what I needed to make a suitble gift to give to someone.  It would be nice to recieve similar cosmic favor for things in my own life.  Like being the right caller to a radio contest, or having business transaction go through, being able to get really great deals on airfare or free upgrade.  Or like here at work they are asking for donations to put in a card for the janitor....nobody in his family is ill or has died, they just being nice with the holiday spirit....He's about to come up like $400-800....if not more.

INSTEAD, on top of everything that goes with the holidays, I have to add the expense of having to have Thunderbolt's engine serviced - just after paying his registration fees, I got notices that I have to pay the renewals for my financial licenses..............

Yeah, a little extra cosmic favor for myself would be nice. 

.................maybe it's coming down the line, but I'll continue as if it ain't coming.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Self,

So I was JUST told that my idea to give THEBoyfriend colonge for Christmas is bad and that I suck as a boyfriend, even though I actually managed to get THEBoyfriend to pick out the cologne in the store because he thought I was buying it for my brother.

So I sent out a few "emergency" text explaining the situation looking for other suggestions.   Two of the response that I got back right away was basically...forget that friend and that I shouldn't worry about what the friend thinks since THEBoyfriend picked it and liked it. 

However it has also be said that I should also include something else.   My dilemma is that I don't want to set a precident here that they I have to out do later at Valentine's Day or next Christmas....I mean this is only the first Christmas.

But, I am open to other suggestions.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Self,

While I'm on the subject of THEBoyfriend....I could also use some help with suggestions for a Christmas present?!?!?!?!?

Self,

I fell it's time to pen a post here but I can't really get the thoughts together.  The only thing recent that is note worthy are that I was in a wedding for whom I am friends with both the bride and groom.  It was a very beautiful event.....the bride was gorgeous...(and yes incase the groom is reading...you were quite handsome so don't feel left out!)  Actually the entire wedding party looked fantastic (myself included of course!)  I have never been one of the groomsmen in a wedding before this so it was .....quite the experience.  It was actually the first time I've worn a tuxedo....instead of a cummerbund we had custom made ties that match the the bridesmaid with whom we each were paired, with the groom matching the bride in white.

Obviously the other thing of note was the Thanksgiving holiday, which I spent in Arizona while THEBoyfriend went to Atlanta to be with his best friend and her girlfriend.  While in Arizona I guess the universe decided that I didn't seem as thankful as I should've been since it was near the end of the holiday weekend that my back went out on me.  (And before anyone gets some wild ideas and tries to make any crazy comments, it happened while I was putting on socks after a shower.....and as best as I can tell it is a re-aggravation of a work injury I had back in February.......Nasty Fuckas!)


And most recently, PrinceEsquire found an organization that is looking for male mentors for at-risk high school students.  I would love to do it but I think it just happen at the wrong time.....but I will sleep on it and maybe get up and go to the orientation in the morning anyway.


Lastly as my bed is SCREAMING for me at this insane hour of the morning.  Last night over dinner, THEBoyfriend and I were talking about plans for the holidays, and in short he wants to go to Las Vegas...with his best friend and her girlfriend, to bring in the new year.  That's the last place I want to spend New Year's.  He wants to go so he can dance in the club(s).....(since he doesn't go to clubs often) where in the past he said he has danced til nearly daybreak.  I would be bored with the club by 1AM, and that's assuming that I got there at like 10:30-11pm.  He doesn't drink so he isn't going to be excited by the idea of walking The Strip with a cocktail in hand which is why most people go to vegas for New Year's Eve......while I will have one or two myself with the rest of the crowd.  Truth is I am much more of a laid back kind of fella and would be more apt to going to a friend's or having a few friends over to the house in order to eat, drink, laugh and other elements of merriment to bring in the new year.  And the first thing he said he DID NOT want to do was be stuck in the house.  Through further conversation he basically said that "sitting around the house drinking and talking" isn't his idea of fun....if not down right boring.  And HE wants to have fun.  SO what am I to do??????  Do I waste more money I should not be spending to help pay for gas to drive there, a hotel room for a couple nights and all the rest that goes with going out of town.....just to appease him?  I told him that I made a promise to myself to cut out "fun" trips as a means of making buying a house a priority.....he seemed unfazed and unmoved my that.  I don't know if he just didn't know what to say to that or if he just didn't care because it isn't really his concern.  Yes I know a couple people in Las Vegas...who if they are in town could be a lifeline for me.  Or I could invite other folks to meet up in Vegas. The other option would be to go someplace other than Vegas.....I am open to suggestions....(secretly I am missing NYC, but as I said I have suspended pleasure trips otherwise I would already have a flight booked on Virgin America to JFK.)  However if part of my issue with Vegas is spending money (which honestly it is)....any other trip will probably be more expensive....particularly with less than 21 day advance notice.

Not to mention that if I use money as a reason for not going...I'll either seem like a cheap ass or a selfish bastard.  Either of which I'm sure can be construed as the makings of a bad boyfriend, right?

HELP!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Speaking of the things I've seen on the train.  Right after writing my last post, I had to ride the train home.  On one leg of my journey I had saw the fashionably distinct Gucci logo pattern.....you know

                            GC       GC         GC
                          /       \    /      \      /       \
                      GC       GC        GC       GC
                          \      /     \       /      \       /
                           GC         GC         GC

That was TATTOOED on some guy's FACE!


I was DONE!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So in an effort to save money towards the end of the year I have taken to using public transportation to get to and from work. The best part is that my primary job reimburses us employee for doing so. The bad news is that I'm working the graveyard shift this week. Although my mom was worried about me using the subway (ok LA's version of it,) at night versus the day. But as a wanna be New Yorker, I do alright. The reality is people are just using it to get to point A to point B.

There are a few differences between the daytime riders and those night-riders. For instance last night, I'm on the underground portion of my journey and only traveling one stop (about 4 minutes.) I get on the train and stand towards the back of the entrance. Others get on and take seats either to the left or right of me. Then a youngster walks in pushing his bike and stands in the area where I am. I check him out, about 5'6 tall, dark brown skin, baseball cap, pants saggin' and long sleeve t-shirt with a fairly developing chest poking out, but only about a buck twenty. Ok, kinda cute but a kid. I turn to look the other way and wait for the doors to close so we can move on to my stop.

Train rolls on to my stop and I step off along with a few other passengers. While walking on the train platform I see the guy with the bike going opposite of me to the other exit which surfaces about two blocks away from where the exit I'm going to will surface. There's a mezzanine level between the train platform and the surface where passengers buy tickets before going down to the platform. However when you are getting off the train this level just represent more space you have to walk through before getting to the stairs that leads to the surface. As I walk to traverse this space dud with the bike rolls by me using his bike like a scooter or skateboard. Although he doesn't get THAT far ahead of me, he does get to the escalator that leads to the street level before me. Before I even get to the escalators myself I see him on the escalator with his bike up on one wheel just before passing beyond the top of my field of vision towards the surface. At this point I assume that's the last I'll see of him. I continue my walk to the escalator so I can get to the street to catch a bus for the last leg of my trip to work.

JUST AS I AM COMING UP THE ESCALATOR AND THE STREET LEVEL IS ENTERING MY FIELD OF VISION ABOUT 15 FEET AWAY I THE GUY WITH THE BIKE LIKE THIS...

Well flip the image and instead of his hands down in his pants one is holding his bike and the other is ON HIS HIP.   I mean I understand the urge to go hits you when it hits you...but he didn't find a dark corner, a bush, or a wall to mask the situation.  Basically he was in the middle of an open courtyard that basically anyone going to the stairs to get to the subway would have to see him. 

I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh to myself.   Then I text THEBoyfriend and told him what I had just seen.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

I've stopped buy CD's a long time ago, but I am still a music fanatic. Everyone once in a while I hear something that I love. Yes, sometimes what I hear are radio hits and gets played so much that I kinda don't feel the need to buy it. Example: Adele - Someone Like You, LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It (yes they are talking about me) DEV - In The Dark.

ANYWAY this post is dedicated to the artist that I've heard that aren't getting the same amount of airplay atleast not the radio stations that I frequently listen. I hope you enjoy this selection.

Sometimes I'm lucky enough that an app on my phone will identify a song's title and artist.

This artist's name is Hindi Zahra. The song is called "Set Me Free." It's soo sexy and sensual!



This one is "Perfect Darkness" by Fink.


This is Little Dragon's "No Love."


I hope you enjoyed this....I may be looking to purchase some new music.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I was partially right. THEBoyfriend took me to see this house....high end, nearly $800K in a part of the metro area that I wouldn't want to live in even if I could afford it.

But that wasn't really the surprise. The surprise was that he took me to dinner, his treat. (The surprise of it was that we both have been having budget issues and we been trying to keep cost down so dinner was a slurge.)

I had a choice of two options. One was Gladstones in Malibu (on the beach) the other was Stevie's on the Strip in the Valley. Well, I haven't been to THAT particular Gladstones and I knew the beach setting would make the evening "romantico." The drawbacks to Gladstones is that they primarily serve seafood to which THEBoyfriend is allergic and it was far...made even farther based on the location of the model home that we went to view. On the other hand Stevie's would only be about 15-20 minutes away and they were supposedly going to have a live band that we could stay and listen to after our meal.

I decided on Stevie's......wasn't a big fan of their food when I was last there many years ago....but I figured it was time to try it again and I liked the idea of seeing a live band.

The band was pretty good we stayed for both sets and had a good time!


Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS. Oh yeah, Happy Halloween!

Self,
So I was at work....and for some reason I was cruising YouTube.com and finding all kinds of videos.

Here's a few....











I hope you got as good of a laugh as I did.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So last night THEBoyfriend informed me that he had a suprise for me this afternoon/evening after work and that he will even be leaving work early to make sure he can pick me up from his place on time because we need to be at the location before 5pm and he usually doesn't get off work until 4:30pm.

I have a feeling that he just wants me to go with him to look at some house he found that's for sale. Not for him (or us) to buy, but just to look.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So the vagabound adventures are underway.  I've been staying with THEBoyfriend since Sunday, so that's been four nights.  And this morning as my alarm on my phone was going off to get me out of bed and off to work...THEBoyfriend offers up some good Extra Lovin'.   


Which of course made me think of this..................




OK...instead of running to the store, we rushed off to work. Oh and before you ask there's no Raheem! That I know about anyway.

Although this morning's loving was good...THEBoyfriend seems to have a high sex drive, which made me think of this.............



I think the song is hot!  And I guess my boyfriend has push start sex drive!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,


So I'm going back on the road for a bit....kinda.  I'm suppose to do a two week stint at one of our secondary facilities, which ironically was the reason for my first set of vagabond adventures series of post.  This time it looks like I will be spending those two weeks with THEBoyfriend. 

I honestly don't quite know how I feel about us spending two weeks in each other grills everyday, almost constantly.  I mean it's one thing to spend two days together....but two weeks???   I'm sure he will like it, since he seems to want to see each other every day anyway.  HOWSOMEVER, I know I can get moody and want to be left alone and will feel trapped by the fact that there's no way I can have my own space in his apartment.  LOL I hope I don't growl and snap at him! 

At the same time, maybe spending that much time together will help to alleviate  some of the issues we recently disagreed about and get us to a "sexy" place/space.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS, of course I'll leave notes about this experience...which begins this weekend.

Self,

Well since I've moved back in with my parents, I've been watching a lot more TV....more than I should be, that's for sure.

Although for the most part we watch almost everything on the TiVo/DVR and can fast forward through most commercials (my dad insists on it)  I have seen a few commercials that I thought were cute and like.

I think my favorite is the one with the kid wearing the Darth Vader costume running around trying to make things happen by using "the force"  and nothing happens until the father pulls the car (the selling item of the commercial) into the driveway then goes in the house. The kid tries "the force" again on the car...and the father wacthing from the window with the mother, remotely starts the car to make it seem like the kid started the car.    I like it cause I think parent/adults should do things to encourage the imagination of children.  No I don't me lie to them or allow them to be deceitful, but just be creative....like if they want to draw a pink and purple horse, let them.

I also like the one with a little girl running around repeatedly saying "That's for babies," but when she is offered some cereal (the item being sold in this commercial) she says, "That's for.....oh, I like those" and reaches for the cereal box.  I find it very hilarious, because of the irony in the fact her instant switch in thought to suit her wants/needs is a very grown up thing to do. 

The third commerial i crack  up over is another car commercial.  It opens with all these robots fighting and shooting at each other which makes you think it's an advertisement for a video game, then a car pulls up and these "hip" hamsters jump out and bump some music.  The robots all stop and look at the hamsters....then they start feeling the music. The robots start foot tapping, hip rocking....and lord have mercy if they don't break out in to coreographed dance numbers!  lol HEElarious!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

I must apologize again for having been incognegro as they say!  Life has just been spinning........somewhat out of control and I've just put a "H on my chest and Handle it!"   LOL I know nobody is going to get that reference but it's ok, I think it was mostly for me anyway.

So my last post was about two weeks ago as I was away on business.  Well it wasn't all business, I got to see my BabyBro and that was fun.  He's suppose to also be coming to LA in November at which point I'll introduce him to KB....THEBoyfriend.  

Speaking of THEBoyfriend, as I mentioned his birthday was recent and per his request we went to Santa Catalina Island.  We had fun....but I could have just as easily stayed home...I almost got seasick.

So something else I'm slightly excited about will be happening next month.  Back in February of 2010 I wrote a post about someone's complaining about my handwriting.  In that post I made an off-handed comment about wanting a pen-pal.  Well I actually got one and he will be in the Los Angeles area for a conference and we of course plan to meet!

Well that's the skinny on things I guess.

Holla!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I'm out of town....down south, visiting a friend and I have to stay in a hotel because there isn't room for me where my friend lives.  I book my hotel online...it was less expensive then most of the other listings...but it wasn't free.

I was scheduled to arrive about 12:30AM but for some reason the flight was delayed before I left LAX so I didn't arrive at my destination until about 2AM.  I wander through the airport to find the rental car counter and by the time I finished the paperwork and got in the car and figured my way out of the airport on to the freeway it was about 2:45AM.  Luckily since this is a city I'm not that familiar with I got a GPS system to go with the rental car.  I enter the address and start trying to follow the instructions, but that wasn't as easy as it sounds because the Nav-system was trying to make me take a Toll road and I just wasn't having it....mainly because I had NO cash on me....and I hate the idea of having to pay to be on a road.

I finally make my way to the hotel.  I park, walk101 to the office and it's locked.  A sign is posted saying after 8pm to ring the buzzer, so I did.  No answer.  I ring it again. No Answer.  I ring again, and again, and again.  Still no answer.  I go back to the car, use my phone to call directory assistance ask for the hotel listing and get the automated system and finallyget the prompt to speak to the operator.....it rings, and rings, and rings again....then disconnects.   Apparently this place does not have 24hr desk service. I have no choice but to wait the three hours til the office opens at 7am in the back seat of the rental car.  I was not happy.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS. Don't let anyone tell you the backseat of a Ford Mustang is comfortable.....you'll find your find yourself under Plymouth Rock.

Self,

Well this morning on my way to work, I heard a news snippet that the R&B star, Sly Stone of the group Sly & the Family Stone, is currently destitute here in the Los Angeles area.  It's reported that he is living in a camper in the Crenshaw district, where a retired couple makes sure he eats atleast once a day and allow him the use of their shower.

My reason for posting initially was that I saw this as a tradgic example of people (ok and specificaly Black people) coming into a whole lot of money and not knowing how to properly handle it, which eventually leads to it being squander.  Helping to educate people on how to make better choices is why I am working in the financial industry.  It's my belief that we would do better, if we know better.

When I got to a computer I did a google search, really looking for a picture to use in my posting, but I found an article that I read in stead to get more info.  The article partially confirmed my suspicion, in so much as it was reported that Stone bought numerous, "toys" like cars and motorcyles.  Stone also states that his situation stems from drug addiction, and a problem with what sounds like corrupt management.

The article also annoyed me due to the fact that it's opening paragraph states that Stone isliving in "a rough Los Angeles neighborhood," and the second paragraph states that "parks his motor home in the Crenshaw section of L.A., the brutal neighborhood where the movie "Boyz n the Hood" was filmed."  Now I don't know if the movie reference is true or not, but either way it certainly paints the area with the images from the MOVIE and not neccesarily the full reality.  For all we know, he might be parking his camper in the pocket where there are homes worth upwards of a million dollars?   It certainly does not paint that community fairly as the Over-worked and Under paid citizens that live there.  I ain't saying that the place is paradise....but I don't think they should envoke the idea of hell on earth either.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Well yesterday, a friend made a comment as he said in jest, but it was a badly timed joke and it struck a chord that trigger a nearly two hour venting session on my part.  And before I go any further I want to thank him AGAIN for allowing me that moment.

I had to vent because....I recently got to a point where I'm starting to feel that I'm going to end up in the poor house due to my relationship and my other obligations.  I guess it became most frustrating just two days ago when KB mentioned what he wants to do for his birthday in October....He wants to take a trip to Catalina Island here in the So Cal area.  I'm sure we would have fun.  I think he's a sweetheart, but KB is even more uppity than I am and that trip is not going to be easy on the wallet, and I'm not made of money!  I think I made mention that he wants to go to ATL to hang out with his best friend for Thanksgiving....I'm sadly going to have to inform him that he's dealing with a broke negro who can only afford to do one of those trips.

I don't want to seem selfish, but I had a plan (and most important - a budget) when I moved back in with my family.  All of our outings (by no mean am I saying it is all his fault) has led me to a point where the amount I was saving towards a house has decrease to a quarter of what I was saving just a few months ago before KB and I met.....THAT is a HUGE drop!!!  This is particularly significant because based on the schedule I had made before getting involved with KB at this time I would be INCREASING what I'm saving by about 25%.

I know he and I will have to talk about this REALLY soon (Today, most likely) because I would feel like shit if at the end of the two years my parents gave me to save I have to move back in to an apartment because I didn't save enough and essentially squander this opportunity.  (And dare I say that I would feel even worse if for some reason KB were to break up just as that deadline my parents gave me came to an end.)

Yeah, he and I really need to talk.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Since I already wrote a post this week about what pisses me off....I might as well stick to the theme and write about something that is perplexing me at the moment.

Well truth be told this is something that has been on my mind and I just didn't know how to address it with the person it involves.  I'm not going to name the person here because I still want to discuss it directly with that person.  However, I must admit that I'm not sure if I'm just crazy and making a mountain out of a mole hill, or is there really an issue that needs to be worked out.

So here I go;

Ordinarily I would say that my friends are very supportive of me and I am equally supportive of them.  Rather that means just being encouraging with a high five and a "You go, Boy/Girl"....and yes maybe even a "YOU BETTA WORK!"  Of course being supportive of each other may also mean putting our money where our mouth is and gettin' up off our asses and helping them to "do the damn thing!"  Either way....as friends we're there for each other.   Sounds good so far, right?

So my dilemma is that a while back a particular friend asked for me to support an endeavor that fell in the category of "put my money where my mouth is" because a simple "You Betta Work," really wouldn't get this friend very far.  And I did, not a problem.

Not too long afterwards, I asked for this friend's help with something.  No, I wasn't just asking for help out of a "tick for tack" or "quid-pro-quo" mentality, because I actually saw an opportunity under the circumstances where my request could actually be a benefit to both of us.  Therefore, my friend would essentially get double help.  The response was basically: Let me think about it and get back to you.

Okay, I can understand needing time to process things in order to figure out the logistics of making the request a reality.  However, I still haven't heard anything.  Frankly, this isn't the first time I made the request and got the same "I'll think about it" type response.  However, I thought this time I was more concise and clear about how it would help me and that the request would be received even more favorably (beyond just the "I'm your friend, so help me" stuff,) considering I figured out a way so that it would be a benefit to us both.

So I've been feeling slighted for a while and I'm not sure how to bring it up to this friend.  Honestly, I feel more than just slighted - I feel hurt and frustrated. I don't know if the problem is that I'm crazy for having expected this friend to help in the first place.  I don't know if I'm feeling as if this friend has taken advantage of me.  I don't know if I'm feeling betrayed from all the times that I have stood in support of this friend and now I can't get any reciprocation.  I don't know if this friend simply lacks confidence or faith in me and my abilities and therefore doesn't want to lend a supporting hand.  Or is it that I've been a poor judge of character for the duration of this friendship and this friend is really the type that wants to keep me on what they feel is a lower status, therefore this friend won't be supportive because they think it would propel me to a point that surpasses this friend's reach.  

I mean I really just don't know.....?????????????????????

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So they say it's good to learn something new everyday.   I also heard that you grow as a person as you discover new things about yourself.

Well I'm happy to say that I've learned something new about myself.   I've learned that there is a new way for people to get on my last good nerve....AND that there is something I have to work on so I am not doing the same thing to others that I find to be annoying and disrespectful to me.

I have found that I am becoming increasingly frustrated with people and their cell phones.....particularly when they are sitting across from me at a dining table.  Let's be clear, I'm not that bothered when I'm sitting across from someone and their phone rings and they answer it......as long as they keep the call to a minimum, I mean really that's the point of cell phones.

That said what I am discovering is that I feel really upset when I'm sitting with someone and they keep staring into their phone because they are either texting or are on their Facebook account.  This is even more upsetting to me for some reason, when this is occurring while we sit across from each other in a restaurant.....rather it's Ruth's Chris Steakhouse or Denny's......yes even Denny's.  I guess I can understand one or two text messages as possibly being business or work related and also family...I mean we all have to make allowances for family so I get that.  The worse to me, is someone on their Facebook account.  I mean I don't currently have Facebook but I can't imagine why on earth anyone would need to access FB on their phone....I mean isn't that what computers/laptops are for anyway.  WHY would you even want to look at that on a screen that's only 2 inches wide!  Either way, I'm realizing it is all just extremely disrespectful to the other person(s) with whom you are sitting.

Fortunately, this isn't something that KB has done, (atleast not that I can recall. No, I don't think I have a selective memory....but to be fair, I'll try to be aware of it in the future to see if he does it too.)  Although at this point KB has not done this to me, others have.  My most recent experience is probably what prompted this post.  KB and I was hanging out with a friend of mine and he stopped in the middle of relating a story to us to respond to a text that his phone JUST indicated had arrived.  While we sat there waiting, I had a flash back that he did it that last time the three of us were sitting at a table together.  I guess it wasn't as upsetting because I had KB there as a distraction so I didn't focus on being upset.

I also had one friend tell me days later, that he felt slighted and deprived of his time with me when I took a phone call in the middle of an ongoing conversation we were having in a car on our way back from dinner.  Yet, not more than 30 minutes before he was picking up his phone to text every 2 minutes...and had even stop talking mid-sentence to read and respond to a text during the same conversation while we were waiting for the server to bring our meals.

As much as this seems to frustrate me, I also don't like double standards and I will admit that I am aware that I have also responded to texts in the past while sitting across from other people...and this is the REAL point of this post.  My goal is to be conscious of my actions and not do this to other people.
As for other people, I think I'm set a 3 count rule...if you pick up your phone 3 times I might snatch your phone....and I'm giving permission to do the same to me.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

This was a very active holiday weekend for me.....probably one of the busiest Labor Day weekend I've had in a long time.

I kicked off this weekend by seeing Janet Jackson in concert with KB and another friend of mine.  It was fun.  This tour was billed as "The Number Ones: Up Close & Personal" and really....I had forgotten how many chart climbers she has....no everything didn't hit #1, but there were folks slightly dissappointed that they didn't hear ALL of their favorite songs by her.  That said she still have so many #1s that she didn't perform the whole song for some of them.

My friend that went to see Janet with me and KB talked about how great of a show Sade gave when he went to see her, I had heard the same thing from Schehimazade, and Prince Esquire was returning to Cali in time to catch her last show in the USA.  Esquire teased me with the idea that his mom would have an extra ticket for me but that didn't work out.  So I went online and started looking where else she would be, which is how I discovered that the Sept 4 show is here last in the US becasue she's heading to Frankfort or Brussels (yes if I had the money I would have loved to made the trip to either of those places to see her!)  However that was out of the question.  What I did learn was that she would be at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, on Sept 3rd.  Although KB doesn't like Sade, he was willing to go to Vegas with me to see the show. So we drove to Vegas on Saturday then drove back Sunday.

Sunday after making it back to LA, we met up with Schehimazade to see Colombiana....it was pretty good ...there's a couple scenes that are great.....I love a kick-ass girl! some folks will crititize about how "believable" some story elements are...but so what...it's just entertainment! After the movie, we went back to KB's sat in the hot tub at his new apartment for a while and although we were invited to another event that night, we passed out infront of the TV.

Monday KB's best friend and her girlfriend arrived from ATL for another visit, so KB and I met them at her mom's for BBQ and as we were about to leave there I returned a call from Prince Esquire who happen to be hanging out with his girlfriend's sister and brother-in-law that lived relatively close to where we were, so we went and visited with them for a while!

So now I'm at work....wishin I could have stayed in bed so i could still be sleeping and getting some much needed rest.  However as I said despite the fact that some people thing I have my own US Mint in my bedroom, this NEGRO is BROKE and my butt needs to be here at work to start recovery process for some of the expenses.....I'm so broke I could afford to buy some fresh beef jerky from this place on the way back from Vegas.  OMG, I had fun though!

That was my holiday weekend, I'd love to hear about yours!?!?!?!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

I must start out by saying that things with KB are going very well, and I'm not complaining.  I've already stated that we went jet skiing, countless movies and dinners, went to see Jill Scott two weeks ago, going to see Janet Jackson next week, and plan to go to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to hang with his best friend, her girlfriend, and a few other of their mutual friends.  Prince Esquire is making a permanent return to Cali and there's been discussion about a couple local road trips that I've mention with KB.  So as I said, things are good.

THAT SAID!  When I came across this picture on someone else's blog, I couldn't help but think why can't I be dating someone like him?
I mean he is FINE, look at that body...I just hope the lower half is equally as impressive.  Nothing worse than looking at a man with a great upper body on top of some scrawny legs with no thighs, calves or ass!

There's a part of me that says there is hope for someone like that to come along in my life and be madly in love with me and I'd feel the same way about him.  There's also a part of me that thinks someone like that will NEVER be interested in me.

The irony is I think I know that the former thought comes from a place of greed, wanting what I don't of can't have and obviously lust.  The latter thought I'm sure just comes from my own insecurities and self-doubt that I'm sure many of us share to some degree or another.

No I'm not about to walk away from KB to go hunt for my hunk.....but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Well today I am on the East Coast.  I'm going to see a friend/colleage and to meet with some of my clients.  YES, I heard about that Irene is heading this way....but I can't worry about that bitch....lol she ain't as bad as ME!  I know there's concern...but actually I think I'm good...they say this area of Pennsylvania may see some of the rain...but I won't melt and when I leave here I'll be heading West and away from Irene.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Recently, I had a tarot card reading done on my behalf.  Well it was a small group of us hanging out and drinking, laughing, and just hanging out.  I had watched others gone before me. Their readings seem to make sense and it gave me enough encouragement to have my done, so I did. 

I have to say it was......extremely interesting....even slightly fascinating.  I won't go over the entire reading but I will share some of it.

To start I was told to shuffle the deck while continually asking a single question in my head.  Once I was done shuffling and returned the cards to the reader I was instructed to choose one of three categories for the reader to frame the responses/interpretation of  the cards.  However, from watching the previous readings I knew that there was a fourth option of having just a "General" reading, which was my choice.

No surprise that the reading touched on my relationship with KB.  The Tarot Cards suggested that KB will be with me for as long as I want, I just have to become comfortable with the idea of him being attentive and supportive.  It also had some commentary on my friendship with Schehimazade in so much that he is very protective of his friends (and me specifically according to my reading.) Overall, it was all positive stuff.

The one thing that seemed most curious to me, was that before my reading actually started the person doing the reading asked me to pick a card from the deck because he had a question regarding me.  The question he had was rather I had the ability to read the Tarot Cards myself.  According to the card I pulled the response is yes and that I would be very good at it.  Go figure!   I'll admit there has always been a curiosity and fascination even with the mysticism, but I don't know if tarot reading is something i would want to pursue.....at the same time there are a couple of people for whom I would be intrigue to see the results of their readings from me.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

The other day, while working the graveyard shift I saw this article on AOL. The article states that in Albuquerque a 6-year old was taken from her neighborhood and one of her neighbors jumped in his own pick-up truck and chased the suspect's van down several residential streets.  The suspect crashed his van into a pole and fled on foot.  The good Samaritan to the little girl back to her family.

Yes that was a really quick summary of the article, if you are interested you can read the full story here: Thwarted Kidnapping.

What strikes me about this story is ....I wonder what I would have done.  I mean would I have had the lighting fast instincts to give chase, or just call the police (as the man's wife did while he was chasing the kidnapper.)  Or would I have just been lost in my own world and wondering what had happen and why were they shouting down the street?

From one of the comments posted with the article, supposedly the hero of the story is reported to be an illegal immigrant which makes his actions even more incredible because he didn't even stop to think "what if" in regards to himself.  The article states that his only motivation for giving chase was that he has two daughters of his own and hoped that someone would have done the same if it were one of his girls.

We always discuss the negative things in our lives - bad dates/relationships, sucky jobs/careers, financial problems, family drama, etc etc, it's nice to here that are regular folks out there that do good things too.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So the first week of this month I was away in Vegas for a conference for my part-time business.  Which meant KB and I was apart during that time. We texted but really didn't have a chance to talk.  The day I got back to LA was also Darktomahawk's (who also attended the conference with me)  last day on the West coast so he wanted to have dinner with some other friends and I had KB join us.  At the dinner table...KB was violating me.....ok well we were both messing with each other.  Just couldn't help it.

It turned out that day Schehimazade was also in town, I tried to get him to join us for dinner also but he was in a rehearsal, so after I took Darktomawk to the airport, KB and I met Schehimazade at Denny's for a brief visit.  KB initiate more under-table foolery. Just couldn't help it.

We left Denny's and was driving to take KB back to his car at my house, there was traffic on the freeway so I took an alternate route....and finanlly having a moment alone....KB started fooling around some more....eventually putting his HEAD in my lap while I drove.....it got a bit intense so I had to pull on to a dark side street.  Just couldn't help it.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS I go back on graveyard for two weeks....maybe we'll have to find some other dark side streets?

Self,

Last night was the Jill Scott concert here in LA....it was hot!  SHE WAS AWESOME as usual.  Along with Jill, Anthony Hamilton and Mint Condition performed.  Of course Jill and Anthony did their duet which I love.  Mint Condition also gave the audience a surprise by having Kelly Price come out on stage to do their duet...which KB loves so he was excited when that happened.  Doug E Fresh and DJ Jazzy Jeff entertained the audience between  performers so it was really like a non-stop party!  And we were even given a surprise by them because while Doug E Fresh was on stage before Jill Scott came on stage, MC Lyte came on stage with him and rocked the mic for a bit. 

I think my parents also really enjoyed the show.  I have to say I hardly looked in their direction during the show...particularly when Jill was on stage, but I think they had fun!

Before the show KB told me that Ledisi is suppose to be coming to LA in November.....He is also a big fan of hers, so maybe we'll go to that show as well.

OMG how ironic, while writing this post, I just recieved a text from KB thanking me for "one of the greatest nights yet." 

That's a huge compliment.  LOL maybe I'm doing something right!

Sincerely
Pharaoh 

Self,

So......KB is moving next month.  LOL, NO he is not moving away.  It's just that his lease is up and he's looking to move to a place with a lower rent so he can save more towards buying a house.  Last night he found a place that he is pretty sure he wants.  So he asked me to meet him there today to see the place before he signs the rental agreement.

I'm kinda hesitant to go.  I know it sounds ...almost crazy...but I'm not sure if I should have any influence on this decision.  The place sounds great....it's a 1 bedroom/1 bath townhouse in Sherman Oaks....this is like 10 miles closer than where he currently lives.  He expects there to be about a $400 saving every month....and this place has a pool (something that's missing from his current residence) along with underground parking.  On the other hand, he saw a place that is about a mile farther from his current place that would offer a $600 per month savings also 1bd/1bth witha pool but gated open-air parking, which troubled him due to his recent purchase of a Mercedes.

I mean I'm not the one moving in so I guess I don't feel like I should have a say in the decision.  But I'm pretty sure I'll meet him after work.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Yes this is something that seems to almost boil my blood. 

It really works my last nerves when people accuse me of being out of touch, unavailable, indisposed unreachable or any other word like that, when their number has not appeared on my caller id once!

Maintaining the friendships with these people is not my responsibility alone.  Last I checked it takes two individuals to have a friendship.  I understand we have lives that are seperate from the other, and just because we haven't talked in a bit doesn't mean that I've suddenly abandoned the friendship.  Honestly, my feeling is who ever has the time to realize that they haven't heard from the other, also has the time to reach out and touch someone!  It's not that hard for you to call or text.  I mean, no, it may not be as easy as just sitting on your ass waiting to hear from me and complaining because you haven't...but it is easy.

Do you know what really drives me crazy?  I mean like... CRAZY!  What really seems to work my last nerves is the "since you got a man, nobody can get in touch with you."  As far as I know, KB isn't a CIA spy with cell phone jamming technology nor is he Harry Potter that has magical charms around his place to prevents your call from reaching my phone when you want to talk to me.  I mean to me it's so assinine to me that I want to cuss people out when that kind of BS comes out their mouth.  Oh why yes, (said in blonde southern belle accent) I know the difference between someone being serious or joking, so please don't make it worse and insult my intelligence by saying "I'm just joking" when I check you on the fact that you haven't called me and therefore don't really have the right to complain.

I don't get why people trip on someone developing a relationship.  The people that are complaining about me being out of reach without calling weren't calling me when I was sitting at home watching TV alone. And the ones that did call then......call now.  I have not become some hermit ...well not any more than I already was.  My real friends know my general rule.  When you need/want to call me....call.  If I'm able to answer, I do.  if I can't, then leave a message but most likely...all it takes is for me to see the "missed call" and I'll call you back.  However, when I answer, I'll find out what's going on and the reason for the call. (ie, they have a question, want to make plans to hang out, shoot the breeze, or want some advice about a situation in their life.)  At the same time I try to tell them what's going on with me at that moment, (ie I'm going into a meeting, I'm sitting in front of the tv, I'm out at dinner, I'm doing some shopping.)  And at that point we make a judgement call....can this conversation continue or does it need to be postponed.

I'm usually very flexible and accomadating, and take the call.  Even if cause problems for me.  Like yesterday, I was in the middle of moving furniture with my mom and I got a call. Someone wanted some advice on a situation envolving another person. So they tell me the circumstances and as I'm responding, my mom starts fussing at me for being on the phone when we are working and I'm holding other people up.  It's not the caller fault and I don't hold it against him, I told him what I thought about the situation, he thanked me and I told him I had to go. Not a problem.    
The Point. Yes, I am Pharoah, divine in all my splendor, and borrowing a line from Ms. Scott "I'm the magnificent"...but I AIN'T Miss Cleo! How am I suppose to know that as a friend you are missing me....UNLESS YOU CALL AND TELL ME!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So earlier this week I think put myself in a compromising position with KB and I'm not sure what my next step should be.

I spent the whole Fourth of July weekend with KB, his best friend and her girlfriend.  It just happened that Schehimazade was going to come to LA on the Fourth and due to his, mine and KB's schedules that was going to be the only night that we could get together.  So we agreed that I would pick Schehimazade at the airport, we would go out to KB's place to hang out for a while and then I would take Schechimazade to his mom's in Long Beach, before I went home.

All was good until I got to LAX and went to meet Schehimazade at the baggage claim.  I get there and he is chatting with the sexy man.  He introduced us to each other and we all talked while they were waiting for their luggage.  They claim their bags and we walk out to the curb, Schehimazade and S@L (short for Sexy at LAX) exchange numbers then Schehimazade and I walk towards my car and leave S@L where he stood as he waited for his ride.
 
Now the whole time I was there I assumed they already new each other...like this may have been a coworker until they exchanged numbers.  So the minute Schehimazade and I are alone, of course, I comment on how sexy I think S@L is and ask how they knew each other....and come to find out that they had just met there at baggage claim, although Schehimazade had seen him at the airport in Vegas before getting on the flight.

I'm not sure what came over me but I had Schehimazade call S@L to find out if his ride had arrived. It turned out that S@L was just going to take the SuperShuttle home and we were going to pass by the area he lived on our way to KB's place.....so we offered him a ride home.

When we arrived at S@L's place he invited us inside for a drink.  I know we should have declined and kept on our way to KB's.  But for some reason I agreed to go in thinking another 15-20 minutes wouldn't be a big deal and I texted KB that we were caught in some traffic.   I know....I know  =(

There was some truth to that in that we did actually run in to some traffic on the way to S@L. Well, although it wasn't intentional...my supposed 20 minute "layover" got extended.  We didn't get to to KB's until well after midnight...nearly 3 hours after Schehimazade's plane landed.

So I don't know if I should come clean with KB and tell him that the traffic wasn't the real cause of our delay that night but rather the detour, or should I just keep my mouth shut and stick the the traffic story?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I have been really loving this song...and KB has been feeling it too. We both are big Jill Scott fans. So I thought about surprising him with tickets for us to go when she comes to LA in August.

I've been conteplating this idea for a little over a week, not sure if I really wanted to surprise him or just ask him if wants to go. A few days ago while my parents were visiting family in Arizona, my father calls me all EXCITED from having seen Miss Scott's performance on the BET Awards, and is NOW an absolute fan. He then surprises me saying that I must let him know the next time she is in town because he wants to go see her live.

I'm in awe. I let slip that she will be here in August and that I was thinking about going with a friend. My father actually fixed his lips to say to buy 4 tickets then and tell him how much he owes for his and my mom's tickets!


I haven't bought any yet, but I don't know if I'm ready for KB to meet my parents...not to mention having my parents sitting next to us TOTALLY changes the dynamic of "date" for me and KB.


I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS. It was suggested that I get two pairs of tickets; ie one for me and KB and then another on the other side of the venue for my parents!

Self,

So KB and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now. And I really enjoy his company, I like spending time with him......yeah there's a "but" coming. But I'm not sure what's going on between us.
Ok the other night I was on the phone having a conversation with BabyBro-Prime and we talked about of things but part of that conversation involved the discussion of the trap some of us (people...gay or straight) fall into where our inherrant desire/need for physical contact/intimacy can cloud our judgement into thinking that a situation has more romantic overtones than they really do.

And sadly I suddenly wonder if that has unexpectedly happen to me. I mean I really enjoy KB's company and spending time with him. He's affectionate, thoughtful and romantic....did I mention that one day when I got to his place, he had flowers and cards waiting for me. He and I have spent every weekend together since to day we met, and I've enjoyed every minute. However, not too long ago KB wondered if I was really feeling him or if we were just "playing around" because he didn't understand why didn't hang out during the middle of the week a lot, or why we were not the last voice the other heard before going to bed every night. OMG, I would like to be that giddy about things between us, but I kind of feel it's overkill and that it seems a bit clingy and needy and dare I say it....obligatory and oppressive. However, we been trying it and he seems to sit at home waiting for me to call and when I don't, I get a "why didn't I hear from my man?"

Sadly to top that off, during some of those "end of the night calls," I had found myself tuning KB out because I was bored. He even called me out on it a couple times and I did what I had to to assure him that wasn't the case.

I'm starting to wonder if I've been single so long because it turns out I'm a horrible boyfriend and I just didn't know it.

I'm stuck on this one.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So this week has been interesting. The last couple of days has been centered around my motorcylce, Phoenix.

SO I think it was Monday, I was sitting in the dinning room on my laptop when my father walks through the kitchen door coming from the garage. He says, "[Pharoah,] I got someone here that wants to speak to you right now," in his tough would be gansta harsh-toned serious voice.

Instantly annoyed because I'm working on my finances before trying to get some sleep before working the graveyard shift, and I don't want to be bothered. I look up to see who my father has drug in and try to asses how quickly I can get rid of them.

I momentarily loose my breath. Behind my father is this very handsome, bare-chested, thick guy walking through the door wearing some basketball shorts. (YUM)

Of course, I know my father isn't trying to "pimp" this guy on me, so I regain my composure to figure out what's going on. I realize that the guy is one of the "clan members" from the house two doors down that is another multi-generational households like mine....who is carrying a toddler wearing a bandana on his head. However, I don't know his name at that moment. I did find out, and on here I'll call him Soldier M-M, since I found out not only his name but that he was in the military at some point.

It turns out that my father has been running his mouth about Phoenix sitting in the driveway. Soldier M-M also has a motorcycle that's parked in the driveway where he's staying. Mine was covered, in need of a battery charge and updated registration. Soldier M-M thought that from the cover on the bike that it was a cruising (like a Hardley Davison) bike and not the crotch rocket like his and wasn't much concerned. However upon my father sharing info about the type of motorcycle I have, Soldier M-M suddenly became very interested in Phoenix and his condition, hence this sudden interruption and need for a conversation.

So we went outside, so he could see Phoenix, and I explained about the dead battery and expired tags. He offered to remove the battery and charge it. He worked at it for a while but it proves to be a bit more challenging than he expected...long story short we spend the better part of the day trying to just get Phoenix to start. Although I should be sleeping, I don't mind because a; he is helping me out and b; the ass, thighs and package look good every time I manage to sneek a peek, so he's holding my attention. Again to keep things short we (well I should say He) gets Phoenix to purr again.

So Soldier M-M's excitement is based on the fact that he wants (and maybe even kinda expects) us to ride together ....and has even expressed the idea of me being apart of his riding crew.

Needless to say this is where my dilemma basically starts. I think having a riding buddy is just what I need after all this time to take the plunge to ride Phoenix again after my accident. However there's already been a few comments about riding with "a honey" on the back and how some "chics" have even asked for rides when they see an extra helmet.

Obviously this dude have no clue I'm not in to women.....And I don't know how I want to deal with his ignorance. I don't really have a problem enlightening him....lol if I knew the knowledge wouldn't then spread down the block. I'm also concerned that enlightening him could mean loosing out on a potential riding buddy. I'm not concerned about him thinking that I'm trying to get at him, although I imagine he may want to address those concerns, if I tell him that I'm gay, but I aint trying to have sex with him. (Yes, I know I did say I'm attracted to him...but he's married, with a son and I'm not trying to be apart of some drama.....ESPECIALLY two doors from my house.....I aint trying to "shyt where I eat," feel me?)

As I see it at the moment my options are:
1) keep my mouth shut about my sexuality, for the sake of Phoenix and the riding experiences.
2) keep my mouth shut and decline riding with him and possibly his friends.
3) Lay all the cards on the table and let the chips land where they may.

Comments???

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So the last couple days I've been hearing this song on the radio. And I must say....it represent how I've been feeling so I thought it would be an appropriate post for Notes.

The version I had been hearing on the radio was by The Pussycat Dolls. (Yes, I know it was originally done by Nina Simone) however the version by PCD is hot. However I can't find a version that I can use to post on here.
SO while looking for something I can use, I found this. I apologize that it's a clip from a one of those singing contest tv shows....and its from the UK but this girl is singing.

Self,

I know I've been absent the last few days and I'll try not to let the absence go too long. HOWEVER in my absence, Note2Self has reached a milestone. There are now 40 followers on the blog! LOL I know it seems childish/immature to be concerned with the number of followers listed, but here I am. Honestly I would like to see the number of followers on Note2self to grow into the triple digits like some of the other blogs I've seen/visited.

That said I am TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY ESTATIC with the Followers I have...I'm glad you find my rants and rambling interesting enough to admit that you read them and want to come back to read more!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Umm.....

Rain.....

In June........

In Southern California.........

Really?????

WTF?????
And I'm at work, AH SHIT, aint this a bitch?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I've been spending a lot of time with KB. In part that has bee n the reason I haven't been writing on Notes! I must say things are going very well.

We've gone bowling with a couple of his friends. He and I went jetskiing down in Dana Point. We've seen X-men: First Class. We've decided that we are dating exclusively.

Things are good!

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Self,

So why have I been contacted by yet another person from my past? This dude is FINE as hell...body, good looks, Phat ass....juciy....well you know. Whew!

However, I haven't heard from him since 2009. And like Nakki, I think he contacted me because he doesn't remember my profile (although it has not changed, much) on the site we were on initially, however he is using a new profile.

Honestly I don't know what to do with this...part of me just wants to brush him off like he did me back then, particularly since things with KB are going well. However, I be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to find out why he contacted me and if he remembers me.

Sincerely,

Pharoah

Self,

Speaking of music, I have to share this. I'm posting this because I just recently heard that this artist passed away a couple of years ago. The artist's name is Lamya and her CD is titled, "Learning From Falling." I love the CD, I'm still playing it in my stereo in my room. I was very disappointed to hear that this lady had died. I was constantly playing this cd as I patiently waited for a new release and now I understand why there hasn't and won't be a new release from her.

This is the video for the most successful single on the disc...



OK, she is HELLA sexy in this video. I LOVE the way she swings her hips as she beats the drums...HMMM. And then when she bucks her hips as she twirl the drumsticks over her head! OMG!

Yes, I am 99.99999999999999999999% strictly dickly...BUT SHE COULD GET IT....well could have got it. =(

Sincerely,
Pharoah
PS I just thought about it...I hope my admiration didn't come off as disrespectful, that was not the intent!

Self,

So last night I saw the movie Priest. I wasn't estatic about seeing it...I could have waited til DVD. However I was ready for an evening out...and that'x where I ended up.

I ended up seeing the movie Priest because a friend and I had planned to see live performance from
Vivian Green

And Eric Roberson

I mean we went to dinner and arrived at the convert venue to find it pitch black and empty. On the box office window was a sign that said the show was cancelled. So we went to the nearest movie theatre and bought tickets for show that was playing next that neither of us had already seen....hence Priest.



Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Ok I been hearing this song on the radio by Enemim.  I'm not sure of the name of the song, but part of the chorus is "I Need a Doctor" and Dr. Dre does a guestspot appereance for a verse.

Now understand that the radio is only on as background noise so I haven't heard all the lyrics. However what....caught my ear made me raise an eyebrow.  It sounds like Enemim is apologizing to Dr. Dre, speaks about how much Dre means to him, how supportive Dre has been....I mean it made me think there was a lovers' quarrel going on between them.  Hmm that would be interesting.

The other song that I've heard that made me raise an eyebrow was been Rihanna's "S & M."  I love the chorus:

I may be bad, but I perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care cause I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but chains and whips excite me

When I got over how hot I thought that was I made me think about her situation with Chris Brown.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say she deserved the beating and I do not support domestic violence in any form.  What I am saying is maybe she wasn't as innocent in the situation as we all were led to believe....maybe the incident was the result of a love game between them that was taken to the extreme. 
Again I ain't saying it was right...but i would have rather that had been said so things could have stayed in perspective.

Then again, maybe "S & M" is just a song her record label gave her cause they knew that it would be a hit for her.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Well the other day I got "hate" text from BabyBro.  I was surprised and obviously a bit hurt...and that hurt only grew when he didn't respond back to my inquiry about the "hate" message.

We've sinced talked and got a few things cleared up....and hopefully we won't run into any more snags. 

So I guess between all the things that I have going on and that there been a gap in communication between us...BabyBro had become kind of jealous and seriously considered the idea that he had actually been replaced. 

Well I was more hurt by that then the hate texts!  We had a serious heart to heart about it, he explained that the hate text was really the result of a overall crappy day and that the feeling of being replaced and lack of communication was just icing on the cake of which I bore the full force.

He felt a little better when I told him he had nothing to worry about because I had not even heard from his potential replacement, Neo, in over a week since.  More importantly I believe I effectively relayed the fact that I could never really replace him...no matter how many other potential baby brothers come in to my life....he is first and foremost of my lil brothers...aside from the biological one with whom I grew up.  For that reason I'm altering his nickname to BabyBro-Prime   Hopefully it will serve as a reminder to him the significance and depth of the bond we continue to build with each other.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS Love you BabyBro-Prime

Self,

OK so why is it that if you begin to show signs of being in a state...slightly above average, someone tries to say something to bring you down?

So just to set the stage; KB and I agreed on plans to hang out on Saturday.  I was going to leave my weekly Saturday training session to go to his place in Reseda.  We would hang out most of the day, maybe catch a movie then he was going to accompany me to a birthday party for one of my book club members that evening and I would stay the night at his place after the party.  Really simple right?

Well I overslept Saturday morning and didn't go to my weekly training session on Saturday morning.  Although I could have just planned to meet KB as scheduled, I talked to another friend, "Em" who wanted me to go to some school carnival to hear a friend of his sing. So we go and afterwards instead of just dropping him back off and going to KB's place, I hang out with Em for a while.  Eventually, Em asks about my plans for the rest of the evening.  I tell him about going to the party with KB since now that is all I would have time for since I gave up a chunk of the afternoon spending it with Em (although he didn't know that part because I don't try to make people feel guilty or that they inconvienced me because I decided to spend time with them.)  So I thought that telling Em about KB would be okay because I figured that as my friend he would at least be slightly as supportive as have some of the few other friends I've told about KB.

His response:

"It must be some good dick to go all the way to Reseda.  I mean, there's plenty of dick you passing up between here and there."

I really didn't have any words....well no, that's not entirely true. I thought about how Em has express dissatisfaction about how it seems that "the gay life" is only about going to the clubs and chasing dick/ass, and how he thinks life has to be better than that...there has to be more to it.  So I was disturbed and disgusted.  He should know me well enough to know that if I was only interested in sex then I would not be spending the time and energy to go to Reseda for it. That would mean that my interests in KB lies elsewhere.  However, I decided it wasn't worth the effort to call Em on that bull shit and just kept my mouth closed.  We hung out a bit more while having a bite to eat, then I bounce and had a great time with KB.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

PS the irony is that as I'm writing this post it dawns on me that Em may have already knew about KB from reading my posts about him, but may not have know about the specific plans for that day. Which makes him "throwing salt/shade" about it then a bit more malicious than I originally thought back when he said it.

Self,

Ok there's a couple things I left out when I relayed the accounts of the "Starting Five" in my last post, "From Famine to Feast."
The first thing is in regards to Neo. As I said Neo invited me over to the house he lives in with his grandfather.  Neo's invite included breakfast, he made french toast, bacon, sauge, eggs and rice. (I didn't get the rice thing either but hey I wasn't going to complain...much.)  We sat there watched some TV and chatting.  So the graveyard shift started to get to me, so I stretched out and before I know it Neo and I were cuddling.  The cuddling eventually led to us ....well seducing each other to having an intimate moment.
The other thing I had left out is that KB and I talked every night that week leading up to our date.  And after our date it got late so I spent the night at his place which led to KB and I also fooling around sexually.

So this past week/weekend I had second encounters with two of the "Starting Five."  First with Cee and then with KB.

The irony is that the encounters with Neo and KB released more of my sexual nature that I usually keep under wrap.  So it isn't too surprising that my second visit with Ceeinvolved meeting at his place in Glendale one night last week before I went to work.  We talked for a bit but eventually got naked and teased and groped each other until I had to go to work.  The surprised to me is that I felt/feel a little guilty about doing so although technically I have no reason to feel that way.

The Friday morning of my last turn on graveyard, I got off work at 8am and met up with KB at his place in the Valley to spend the weekend with him.  That morning after I arrived we had breakfast and then went to sleep cuddling in his bed.  After we woke up, we went to dinner at Ruth Chris Steakhouse with his best friend and her girlfriend who were in town from ATL.  After dinner the four of us went to see Prince who is doing 21 performances at the Forum. Prince was great, I think I may go again since the tickets are only $25. On Saturday, KB and I met his best friend and her girlfriend at the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica where we had brunch and saw the new movie "Jumping the Broom."  KB's friend was in LA for her birthday and she throw herself a party Saturday night at this Italian restaurant in Long Beach.  The party was simple and I think secretly it's main purpose was for the birthday girl to introduce her girlfriend to her LA family and friends.  However it was her 35th birthday and we had fun.  After the party KB and I went back to his place and crashed.  The next morning we awoke, he was meeting his mom for brunch in The Marina and I eventually went home and cooked for my mom, my aunt, and grandmother for Mother's Day.....which my brother, my dad and I also enjoyed.

So this morning almost as soon as I got to work KB sent me a text (we are still basically talking everyday.)  The text KB sent read;

Just woke up...turned over and realized YOU weren't next to me...GOOD MORNING..have a great Sexy!! Day...smile!

He is earning some points!  We're planning to see "Thor" on Wednesday...and I may crash at his place since he lives closer to the office I'm working at for two weeks.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I doubt that anyone besides myself have noticed that I've had an extended period of inactivity in regards to dating.  LOL and maybe nobody else cares rather there's some activity or not in that department....but I do!

Well after said dating drought, I now seem to have developed a few potentials, almost a "start 5 Line-up," if you will.

I don't want to quite "rank" them if for no other reason than you never know what the future holds and I don't want place too high of expectations on any one situation...where I'm ultimately "putting the cart before the horse."

That said I guess I'll identify them in order of appearances, meaning when I met them.

1) Gee. This is just a spelling out the initial of his first name. He's 39, recently relocated to Los Angeles from Charolette, NC.  The phone conversation had been cool the few times we talked during the week leading up to our meeting.  The meeting was simple. He's staying with his best friend and the friend's lover, on a air mattress. So I went by one night and we sat on the sofa and talked a bit.  I don't know if it was just late or what but he wasn't quite as engaging as he had been on the phone.

2) This one I'm nicknaming "Neo" here because he has the same last name as Keanu Reeve's character in The Matrix movie.  Neo is 23, and just a sweetheart...there is something that I find just adorable about him.  Yes I am fond of him, but I think ultimately I see it developing into a big brother/little brother type friendship like I have with "BabyBro."  LOL Which means BabyBro may be bumped out of that positions since he won't be the "baby" of my adopted/extended siblings at that point any more. (Sorry!)  Anyway Neo lives in his grandfather's house. We met there one day when I got off of work while Neo's grandfather was out of town looking hat houses down in the South.

3) Cee.  Again I'm just spelling out the initial of his first name.  Cee is 24.  (I know just barely a step up from Neo.) Although Cee is only 24, he does give a little more "grown man" vibe that is ...well rather sexy.  However again I think it will ultimately be another brother type bond....that of course is assuming that he's open to that. Cee I think lives on his on his own, in Glendale not too far from where I use to live.  We met at a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf around the corner from his place one night.

4) KB. I am again just using initials, to keep it simple. KB is 35. We actually had like a real date.  Granted it was just dinner and a movie, but we had fun and we already have plans for this coming weekend.  KB lives in Reseda...which is NOT around the corner...but for now it also is NOT a deal breaker at this point.  We went to dinner at this place on the LA border of Beverly Hills and near West Hollywood. it was cute little café that served crepes.  It was good but initially not totally filling as I would have liked, but after a while I also didn't want anything else...so I guess it worked. We went to see the new Fast & Furious movie called, "Fast Five."  We both enjoyed the movie and as I said the over all evening went well.

5) OK so really there isn't an actually #5 in this starting five line up....I'll leave the space open...because as I said you don't know what the future holds.  There was someone who potentially filled this spot but he pissed me off before we had a chance to meet because he felt I was inattentive and there for a flake during the days that I was out of town and the days of the funeral for my grandfather the immediately followed my return to Los Angeles.  His approach with that was way to disrespectful and stank for my taste and I told him so.  Then I told him to loose my number.

Although the number 5 slot is still open, honestly, I don't think I'll be accepting any more applications.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I went to log into AOL and say a teaser about what an athlete had to say about Osama bin Laden on twitter.  Out of curiousity I clicked the link.

In short the article touched on how athletes in this case in particularly, Rashard Mendenhall of the Steelers, need to be careful about what they say in public (or in this case social networking sites) and how technology has advance beyond or protocals and (maybe in some cases common sense.)

Here is the article: Mendenhall

I'm quoting from the article that Mendenhall tweeted:

“What kind of person celebrates death? It’s amazing how people can HATE a man they have never even heard speak. We’ve only heard one side.”

The article talks about the backlash he got for that, how the Steeler's owner had to cover himself and the franchise's ass....blah blah blah.

I got to the end of the article and the first comment called Mendenhall a "dumb jock" and a lot of the following comments chimed in that sentiment or spoke his right to freedom of speech rather individuals agree with him or not. 

Well I was frankly a little pissed off, because I understand what the man was trying to suggest with is comment.  So I started to write a comment of my own to come to his defense (not because I'm a big fan....I had never heard of him until I read the article,) but because people are just soooo stupid.

So this was the comment I wrote;

Why does Mendenhall have to be dumb just because he's an athlete?  If some of you all were as smart as you thought you were, then you would have been intelligent enough to deduce what he was trying to say (and see he might actually be smarter than yourselves.) Basically I would guess that he's a government conspiracy theorist.  And that his comment suggest that MAYBE the events of 9/11 had some assistance from the President of that day.  (I mean, it is a little far fetch to think it was just a coincidence that after 9 months in office while the public was disputing his "victory" in the election that a national tragedy occured and all disagreements went silent? Oops, that might be too much for some of you all to grasps.)  Mendenhall's real mistake was not fully articulating his thought which left it open to the asinine interpretations of the imbeciles within the general public and media...and their negative feedback.

So I hit the "Leave comment" button and a new window opens up that says to "Log into Facebook" to leave a comment.

Damn, the devil thwarts me again.  LOL.  I am half tempted to create a Facebook account just to be able to refute the idiots that are on it.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I finally had a chance to speak to my friend, Jamal Story about the pledge drive he is doing for his stage production The Soul in My Purse, which cleared up a few things for me that I feel should be shared.

1) The first and foremost is that no matter what if the drive doesn't reach its goal, the project WILL NOT RECEIVE ANY of the funds pledged.

2) The site basically forced him to set up those pledge categories, but people are able to make pledges in any denomination they like, rather it is listed or not.  So even though there isn't a $40 pledge category, it is acceptable.  As he put it, he would hate for people to feel left out if they want to help but may not have $50 but are willing and able to give $10.  IT ALL ADDS UP!  1000 pledges of $10 is the same as 2000 pledges of $5 and that is the same as 5000 pledges of $2.

Like Nike....Just Do IT!

Sincerely,
Pharoah