Note2Self-byPharaoh

Self,

Not too long ago I was contacted by someone who decided a while back that I wasn't worthy of being his friend.    This wasn't the first time this has happened.  In fact over the years since he and I first met I want to say it has happened about 4 or 5 times. 

Now granted  it's not that simple, we were sexually involved off and on durring some of that time and he admitted to being in love with me...despite it not being exactly reciprocated. (Meaning - yes I loved him and our friendship...but I was not in love with him.)  He as some other emotional/mental issues...which places him in a space of instability.

The last time he reached out to rekindle our friendship I told him that it was the last time.  If I mean anything to him as a friend then there's no reason to dismiss me as such and if there was a reason to do so then it it will probably be severe enough to make it a decision that's irrevocable....cause the friendship either has to matter enough to figure out and work through whatever is the issue or its doesn't matter at all and there's no need to bother again.

So when he sent a long series of text messages to end the friendship...I was like "cool...I'm done."  And for the most part I have not thought of him until he recently sent me a text saying "What's up, [Pharoah]?"

Well I was a tad annoyed by the intrusion in my life after several months, but it also felt good to know that in that moment whatever reasons he thought he had from ending the friendship were bullsh*t (which I already knew) because here he was reaching out and I knew he would be the first to do so.

I was in the mind to ignore his text and not respond...and Schehimazade said I should ignore it.  However, I did respond and in my annoyed state of mind my text was; "Is someone ill, dying or deceased?"  I know...that was mean.  My thought was that he would probably say say "no" and THEN I would just not respond any further.

Of course it didn't go that way, his response was "yeah me." 

I didn't want to be heartless if he was serious and not respond, but I also know he has a flare for the dramatics. So I sent, "so you are texting from the grave?"

There were a couple more exchanges, he didn't say what he meant by that and just said good night a let it go.

That was almost two months ago now.  I know I can't allow myself to be involved with the insanity of his life.  I am sightly concerned, but for me to expose myself any more would be insane on my part, right?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Well it is the day after Christmas, and i had a good day...although I kind of wish that I took the day off nd stayed home in bed today!

I had a good day yesterday.  Nothing extravagant.  After hanging out with two different groups of friends on Christmas Eve til 2am, I was awakened by my mom to join the family to exchange gifts at 10am.  I got cologne from my brother, an Amazon gift card from his girlfriend.  From my parents, the all time favorite - money, house slippers, lottery scratcher, gas card. From friends I received  a bottle of homemade coquito (sp) which is like a Puerto Rican egg nog, a set of kitchen towels from William-Sonoma, and a new (dating) friend gave me a a short-sleeved button-up shirt.

I hung out with the new friend and some of his peeps for a bit which included a viewing of the "Django" film.

Like I said, Nothing extravagant, but I enjoyed every minute of it!

Sincerely
Pharoah

1 jealousy - in so much as "keeping up with the Jones" and since Timmy is wearing Prada and have a brand new Honda, I have to go get the same.  I can't remember a time where I ever felt that way....ok maybe back in the day with Cross Colors...

2 inferiority/superiority complex - in so much as since Timmy has a new Honda, I have to go get a new Lexus, because I am so much better than he is.  I'm a firm believer that we are different and you do what you do and have what you have while I do what I do and got what I got....Some things may be the same...some won't.

Pharoah

Self,

It's no secret....I love "discovering" new music. 

When I heard this the other day I went right home and bought it before racing to catch a flight. 

Check it out!
Artist:  Jill Barber
Song:  Oh My My





Ok , no she is not this amazing vocalist, where he voice is just blowing you away.  However what I am loving about the track is the richness and layered texture of the music that combined with her voice is giving something different.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

It's the last 10 minutes of the eve of the 2012 Presidential Election.  I voted by mail because I didn't think my schedule would incorporate going to the polls.  Now however I am actually working graveyard again and I probably would have been able to go vote but my ballot has been casted. With my ballot I hope the people of These United States re-elect President Barack Obama.





Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Not to long ago I stopped and visited my Aunt Kwe-Kwe...or is it Cray-Cray...lol anyway.  Along with all the other things that goes with our visits, she shared some new music with me....there's three CDs but I'm only discussing one in this entry. 

This is for those jazz heads!

The CD:  The Mosaic Project
The Artist:   Terri Lynn Carrington (you may remember her as the drummer and musical director for the band on the Arsenio Hall Show in the '90s.)
The Track:  "I Got Lost in His Arms"

I am not ashamed to say that I have been rocking the hell out of this song!  I love it!  It has a funky groove, the horns are on FI-YAH.    Below is a Youtube clip giving you a sample of it.




HOT, Right,?!?!?  I'm not done.   As hot as the arrangement is, I think what hits home the most for me are the lyrics;

These words are communing to a part of me.  The more I listen to the song....which is almost constantly riding around in Thunderbolt, the more I realize...That's something I want.  I want to get lost in someone's arms and be astonished at the fact that I am also holding on to a treasure....I don't mean a trophy, but something to truely cherish. 

On top of that.....I want that feeling for everybody!  Of course I am more confident that it will happen for others than myself...and I will always be that cheerleader to push folks towards it when I think I see it....but alas for me I just don't know.  However I am in a ongoing discussion with DaBlackHobbit about faith and fear and I'm choosing to have faith....and take actions regardless of the results....that's always the hard part.....for all of us....everyone is always affraid of being hurt/dissappointed/let down AGAIN, that the fear of it causes paralysis.

I would like to think that it will happen...for me, my friends and everyone else, it just takes time and patience.  But atleast its progress from the days when my heart communed with "Good Morning Heartache" and "This Bitter Earth"......OK...both songs can still stop me in my tracks and nearly bring tear to my eyes, but hey there's still some growth there dammit! LOL.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I don't know what I'm doing that is attracting this...array of people.

Last night on one of those social media phone apps....I got hit up by a WOMAN...no I don't mean a fem gay man....I mean a W-O-M-A-N who wants to meet a man that would be willing to let her F*ck him using a strap on dildo.

PS...Dammit when I put it that way....it's kinda a turn on!  That is cutting the beast loose, not the strap on.

Self,

So yesterday was a good day!

It started out with a go-see.....that neither of us wanted to end.

We meet at 11am at The Grove outdoor shopping center.  We went to one of the restaurants there and had brunch....and talked.  When we finished eating we walked around a bit visiting a few of the stores there, one of which was the Apple store.  He then suggested that we leave and go a few blocks of the street to a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to sit and talk some more.  After about another 2 hours of talking he wanted me to ride with him a few blocks to the Beverly Center mall so he could check for something at the Apple store in that mall.  We walked and talked as we meandered through the mall and then finally he took me back to my car where we then made plans to see each other later in the week and went our seperate ways.

I had a good time, he seems like a good dude.  What I'm not sure how I to deal with is his age...he just turned 49...granted the body and all doesn't look over 35-36....I know it probably seems small...but it still.......puzzle me if we get to a point where we are talking long-term situations. 

However I guess I shouldn't put the cart before the house, and just wait and see.

Pharoah

Self,

For the past two weeks I have been working at the satelite office in Van Nuys rather than the main office in Glendale.  And not too long ago an met this guy who lives about a mile away from the Van Nuys office.   He's 28, 5'7 about 175 pounds, decent body brown skin....and seems like a sweetheart.

So in short we have hooked up a few times while I was in the area....mostly quickies while I was on my lunch break.....the session have been....enjoyable to say the least.  Friday September 7th was the end of my shift at the Van Nuys and it worked out that we were able to meet up after work and not be quite as rushed.
Pharoah

Self,

So I hosted an intimate potluck and these were my contribution along with homemade Sesame ice cream.

Tequila-Lime Chicken hot off the grill.

The cake....well my Mistress calls it "The Orgasm Cake"....yeah it's that good!

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Well it would appear that since nobody is commenting that it's probably a sign meaning that nobody is reading this blog anymore, which may just be how the cookie crumbles, I guess. 

At the same time, "irredardless" of that...I just want to vent at the moment.

Why is is always so damn hard.  I'm starting to think that it is pure lunacy for us people to have a little faith that things will work out for the best.

I've moved back home, giving up on some of the things I like to do with the idea of making some sacrafices to be responsible. 
Now after two years....JUST as I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel per se......Thunderbolt is ill and had to take him the the mechanic......and to get him feeling better I have to come up with $1200!

To spend that kind of money...will suddenly make the credit card hole I've been working to fill for the past two years a hella lot deeper meaning that it will take me longer to pay that mess off.  OR I will have to tap into the meager savings I've been stashing away as a downpayment on a house...making it longer that I'll have to stay at my parents to afford to make that purchase in order to recoop that loss.  Either way  I will have to stay at my parents a bit longer.

It almost makes me feel that all the things I like to do that I didn't do were sacraficed for nothing.  My biggest sacrafices have been not taking any trips...for fun (I did take a few for business that I managed to squeeze out some fun on, but that wasn't the purpose of the trips.)  I would love to get out of LA and hit up NYC,  I could have went to Miami earlier this year but I said it wasn't the fiscally responsible thing to do, so I didn't.  I been wanting a 64G iTouch for 2-3 years now but that $300 I decided to put towards my debt...and well continue to do so since I haven't bought it.

Maybe I should just say to hell with it and do something for myself....that voucher is sounding good...although I was going to let it go so I would spend the money on airfare to go someplace to use it.

I don't know, it almost make more sense to think that everything is always going to be fucked up...and that "good things" that come my way are really just things being not as fucked up.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

I recently found out that I have for lack of a better word, a gift certificate or voucher for lodging through a my timeshare. Although I need to investigate it a bit more, it looks like it is good at any of the properties available either through my direct timeshare or it's affiliate programs....which is HUGE.  Essentially...the world is in my backyard.  The voucher gives me a 7-day stay for less than $300....which is great cause I would imagine that some of those place go for that much a night.  There ar some "black periods" but that's not that big of a problem.  The bigger problem is where to go sense  I really can't afford to fly just ANYWHERE....I mean I bet airfare to Fiji would be murder!

For the most part, I think I can arrange to take as much as 10-12 days off from work if I wanted it...(the perks of being on the same job for 11 years.)  The problem is I'm not sure where to go....and more specifically where to go alone...cause I don't know of anyone else who can either get the time off to go or afford to fly someplace right now.


I'm open to suggestion, please???


Sincerely,
Pharoah

So I been trying to follow the games as much as possible with the crazy broadcasting schedule.  There's already been a few crushing competition, I have been enjoying the 2012 Olympic Games in London.

One of the most major and amazing of crushing blows that have been handed out thusfar has been Michael Phelps amazing 23 career awarded Oymplic medals....making him the world's most celebrated athlete.  CONGRATS to him. (Side-note; During these games I learned that there are cash prizes that coincide with each medal...that would make coming in 4th place really SUCK...doubly!)

Along with Mr. Phelps' achievement, I also have to give it up to Serena Williams who won gold in the Women's singles  (and doubles actually with her sister) tennis competition.  Serena's medal award completes what I heard refered to as a career "golden slam," which is the grand slam of (Wimbledon, US, French, and Australian Opens) combined with the gold medal.  Serena goes in the history book as only the second woman ever to achieve such an accomplishment and obviously she is the first African-american to do so in singles, although she and Venus completed a career Golden Slam in doubles with the 2000 games.  FYI- German, Steffi Graf is still the only person to win a calendar Golden Slam.)

Then there is the 2012 US Women's Gymnastics team - "The Fab Five/"  Gold Medal winners in the all around.  First time this has happen I think they said since 1988!  Way to go girls!  I think they are barely 20 and the way that sports phase out athletes...they might get to compete in 2016 before retiring.

A slightly different crush was handed to the US Women's Beach volleyball team of May & Walsh.  These ladies are the reigning undefeated Olympic champions since the 2000 games....well they were undefeated until last week.  In these games they have so far loss just one set to an Austrian team, who they eliminated after that loss.  May and Walsh are still held to be the favorites to win the gold medal this year, they will just no longer be able to add the distincition of doing so in undefeated sets to that accomplishment.  However no longer having the pressure of upholding that level of perfection may make their advance to victory that much easier now.

I will have to say I love The Olympic Summer games.  The thrilling rivalry, the overhelming patriotism and the sharing in our admirations of our finest athletes.

And I do mean PHINE...man I love the global sampling of eye candy that I can only get every 4 years!  There are several Olympic crushes that I have now....and I'm sure as the games continue there will be more...but I have to share.

John Orozco US Gymnastics...who unfortunately has been eliminated...but probably my favorite.


 2012 US Gymnastic Bronze medal winner, Danell Leyva




2012 US Sprinter, Ryan Bailey
 2012 Algerian Gold Medalist Taoufik Makhloufi
2012 British Gymnastic Silver Medalist, Louis Smith

2012 US Sprinter Justin Gatlin

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Who are some of your Olympic Crushes....I know I am not the only one with some.

Self,

Ok I gotta ask, is anyone else watching this "limited series event" as they are calling it, "Political Animals," on the USA cable network? 

I started watching because I like Sigourney Weaver.  I think she is a great actress and this being the first television show (that I can recall) that she has starred in I was willing to give it a shot.  Well, I have to say it's pretty good. 

So the premise: Weaver plays former First Lady and current Secretary of State, Elaine Hammond.  Elaine made a run for the presidency but had to conceed victory in the primaries to a younger, "less expereinced," male opponent, who ultimately becomes President of the United States. 

Now, I'm sure you can tell from that decription that it's no secret that Elaine Hammond is a character that pays homage to real-life Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.  Add on the fact that Elaine's ex-husband, former President "Bud" Hammond, is known for his scandalous sexploits and affairs while in the White House and the resemblance becomes even more clear.

There are major differences between the Hammonds and the Clintons, first of which is obviously the divorce of the fictional Hammonds. As well as the fact that in stead of a daughter, the Hammonds had twin sons, one of which is credited as being the first openly gay child in the White House. (That I think was done for the theatrics and to capture some gay audience members.)

With the similarities tied down in place, it makes me wonder, what's the point?  Is it just entertainment? Is it simply someone's "what if" thought come to life on screen?  Add the fact that at the end of the first episode Elaine Hammond secretly decides to make a second run for the Presidency against her fellow political party member and the incombant, could it be propaganda?  Usually fiction comes from real life events but occasionally real life falls into step behind fiction.  Could the show be a ploy to see how America would feel about Mrs. Clinton taking another bid for the Presidency?  Considering that the Presidential election is like 4 months away I don't think that it's likely that Hillary will be trying to run against Obama and Biden aside from it being possible career suicide if she tried under those circumstance. But who's to say the show isn't planting a seed for 2016.


Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

This seems to be my year to attend music festivals.  I already mentioned that I went to the Playboy Jazz Festival back in June.  Now I'm sharing the fact that I just spent two days in San Dimas, CA at Bonelli Park for Jazzfest West.  The line up was great that it required attending both days.

Day 1:

Kem (pictured on left below,) Chaka Khan, Kenny G, along with some other opening acts.

Day 2:

Will Downing, Jill Scott (pictured on right below,) and Charlie Wilson, and again some other opening acts.

Self,
Let me start off by letting you this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK., for chil'ren unless you want to do some 'splainin', or anyone else you don't want all up in your "PRIVATE" business. You heard?

So the day that I went to the Playboy Jazzfestival...was a day of many things.  As I had mentioned I was late getting to the Hollywood Bowl...for a number of reason...but this was part of the reason.....

Now I had intended to write about this right after it happend....BUTT tother things got in the way.  On one hand I guess it's not a bad thing that I'm a little slow because it gave me a chance to find pictures to share....lol and comment on.  When I did the google search, I read some of the articles that went with the pictures and found out that the World Naked Bike Ride is a movement that promotes being eco-friendly.  The main idea behind the movement is to reduce the use of automobiles...and the nudity is just to get your attention to bring awareness to their cause....(Sex sells...even when there's nothing to buy.  I mean here it is a month later after I saw them and they are still crossing my mind due to the nudity, right?)

Let me say that these are not my pictures of the event I happen to do a google search for "nude bike riders" and the links led me to these pictures.  in truth I didn't see a whole lot of the nudity in my travels that day.  I mean yes I saw enough exposed skin to say "OH shit, they're naked" .....then  it was very much "I wish they would get they naked asses out my mutha fuckin way." 

LMAO.  Anyway here are some pics that I found and...well caught my eye!

These first two I just thought were funny and creative uses of body paint.

Come on you got to admit "The Cat in the Hat" and "The Grinch" is funny.  Is it me or does his hat seem to resemble a condom?  Well I guess you could also say it is also suggestive of a phallus.....no?  I wonder how much did they each have to spend to get that much body paint?  And who applied it for them?  (I am not assuming that they are together, although the common theme of Dr. Seuss' characters may highly suggest the likelihood of there being some cooridination on their part. But that said, it doesn't mean that they would have been comfortable as two men touching each other's naked bodies, to apply the body paint.)

So I like the idea of a basketball player. and on a unicycle....that alone I'm sure made him stand out in the crowd. I so totally was buy him as Larry Bird....with the blond hair and the green and white for the Celtics.....then I read the "Seattle 15" and was confused....lol and wondered if he was too. 

Now can we talk about the positioning of his "twig and berries."  Is it me or does it looks like that hurts a bit, or at the minimum is a bit uncomfortable?  I mean they do look as if they are being smashed.  Question; so did he have to seperate his balls to each side of his penis as he sat on the seat or is that just a coincidence?

LMAO!!!  I would not mind placing my hands on the prints!  Of course if I was the one who applied the body paint to get those prints....he would probably just have two red streaks/strips back there from me gripping his ass from various angles multiple times.  As I kept looking through pictures, I found this other one with the two guys and realized that the guy with more pigment was my handprint on the ass guy from the front.  NO he don't have major abs but I still feel he has some sexy appeal. If he approached me to ask me out, I'd say yes.  I like men with a variety of body types....he as a stockiness to himself that I think is attractive.  The guy with the crown next to my handprint guy....does have some abs. Does he have an erection or is that just how he hangs and swangs?
OK I had to take a break from talking about the guys that I found sexy.  "Bike Free" doesn't have much of an ass, he seems like he is probably older, and since we can't see his face I can't say if he has that distinguished gentleman thing going for him.  What caught my eye was the legs.  I mean the left looks at best average...but the right looks all musckular and stuff.


Ok now that you have seen a few pictures and get a slight idea of what the event is about....could you go naked in public?  Say at a nude beach? Or even on a naked bike ride?  These last two pictures are are here to represent what I believe would currently be the only way I think I could go through with something like this.  Tecate taste ok but I would require something strong than just beer....and probably so much so I probably wouldn't really be able to stay on the bike.  AND if I did manage to drink enough to have the courage to get on a bicycle naked and have the wherewithall to funtion properly, I would need some sort of mask....and this guy is still missing the wild wig and big sunglasses that I would wear.

Self,

I know some employers develop things to boost moral and encourage their employees as a sign of appreciation. Mine isn't any different.  Not too long ago my department came up with the "Employee Excellence Award."  It would be like an "Employee of the Month" award but it takes so long for them to complete the selection process that the month would be over tthreefold by the time the nominees were named.  So the award is given out on a semi-annual basis and the canidate is nominated to the committee by his or her peers.  I don't think the winner really gets anything besides a certificate....maybe a designated parking space, but don't quote me on that. 

Obviously a person can't nominate him/herself.

Here's the thing, the other day one of my two supervisors (not the one that is actually on the EEA selection committee,)  came to me said he had an idea.  After stepping outside to speak "privately" he then proceeded to suggest that I nominate one of my team members because I write well and therefore can complete the task successfully.

OK I agree about the I write well part.  I like the guy he suggested and I don't really have a problem with the idea if he actually was to win the award.  My...frustration is having been skipped over as a possible canidate to being perfect to be the one to moninate someone else?  Will making the nomination make me a canidate for the next time?

To top it off win or loose when it comes out that the guy has been nominated, I'm sure the supervisor who suggested this is probably going to very specific about letting it be known that I'm the one who "filled out" the nomination form....but conviently leaving out the fact that it was done so by his request. So win or lose it will make it seem like I am just the guy's BIGGEST fan/supportor.  Don't get me wrong I like the guy...he's fun to work with and a good guy.

Yes I know it's just a bruised ego thing ...but still - bruises hurt.

No worries I'm gettin gover it as I fill out the nomination form.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

"Picture it.......

Los Angeles 2012.


It's a pleasantly warm summer Friday afternoon. I'm at work hustling through the end of the day...eagerly anticipating the time for me to "clock out."

With little time to go for the designated hour, I get a call on my cell.

It's that call that everyone hates to get.

NO, [Rose,] there hasn't been a death in the family....thank the heavens.

... It's that other call everyone hates to get...it was my bank's security and fraud prevention department wanting to verify some suspicious activities on my ATM card....

......Basically informing me that I have been JACKED!

Sense the transactions were bogus, they were immediately cancelling the ATM card in my wallet and I have to see about getting a new one.

So it's Friday, the weekend is here the bank is closed for the evening, I have no cash, no ATM card.

What a way to start a weekend!
 
I have to say when I shared the financial fiasco with a few folks via text or in person, a few were willing to come to my rescue, and put their money where their mouths were.  I appreciate it.
 
Although I still a ways from being "made whole" again withthe bank...I am doing ok.
 
Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

The weekend of Father's Day I attended the Playboy Jazz Festival held here in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Bowl.  To my dismay I was late but I was able to still make it in plenty of time to see the "main" performers.

The performers that were the highlights for me were:
Sheila E.
Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings

WE had plenty of food to munch on. The venue openly allows alcohol so we were sipping on Jack Daniel's Honey Whiskey and lemonade.  a variety of Jello-shots were flying about the seats. We laughed and just had a good time.  I tried to figure out how to use Instagram, but I couldn't while I was there with both food and cocktail in my hands. 

I even tried a "funny" brownie for the first time.  It really didn't taste all that good.  I was told I was "on one" later in the evening...but I didn't feel any different,...that's not true I had a headache.  The lack of a buzz makes me wonder if the "effects" are really just in the users' head and because they want it to do something to make them feel a certain way, then it does make them feel that way.

I also now have tickets to attend Jazzfest West in July out in HOT ASS SAN DIMAS, CA....FOR TWO DAYS!  But the list of performers shuold make it worth suffering the heat..... However the guidelines for this venue prohibits damn near everything because they want you to buy everything from their venders.  I have figured out Instagram....I think, so I should have it running for in San Dimas....lol course they may confiscate my phone for running around naked if it gets hot enough.   Kidding!


Sincerely,
Pharoah

I'm off to Las Vegas for a conference I'll be testing this Instagram to see if I can get it working by Jazzfest West.

Self,

So this past weekend was the birthday weekend for both, the Royal Brother, and Prince Esquire.  Lots of activities to celebrate both occasions. 

Prince Esquire had a list of events that started on Thursday we went to a "underground" Cuban Rum bar.  It was cute the underground part was that they had it set up as if you walked in to and office and the "secretary" greeted you then opened the secret door to let you into the "speak easy" club.  It was a fun night for a Thursday. Prince Esquire also...."held court" at a bar in WeHo where there was a drag show. Although I did make an appearance at this event, I had missed the show and simply had a drink with the group, which included both my girlfriend and my mistress....my wife no longer comes out to party since she has kids with her legal husband.   And then Sunday Esquire again  held court at a champagne brunch buffet.  I think all those who attended had a good time.

The reason I was late to the drag show was due to the event honoring the Royal Brother's birthday.  His girlfriend had planned a suprised poker party for him at her parents home that included BBQ burgers and hot dogs.  They play "Texas Hold'em," for those that are curious. The suprised part was for 2:30pm and my thought was that I could stay a couple hours then join Esquire and the gang for 9pm.  Well...I decided to get into the poker game.  And washed out after about the second hand thanks to the Royal Brother.  I sat there watching and then one of thr Royal Brother's friends who had been doing pretty well most of the game decided she had to leave and let me take over her chips...and I was able to come back and win the prize.

I was surprised to win...but the prize was a nice blessing that arrived....when I needed it.  I collected my prize, helped clean up a bit, then ran to catch Prince Esquire and the gang.  Later when I saw the Royal Brother again at home, I gave him a piece of the prize because well he was the birthday boy and if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have been playing in the first place.

It was then jokingly mentioned by my folks when they heard that I won, that my brother's friend who left me her chips will be expecting her share of the prize. 

Should I share part of the prize with her?


Sincerely,
Pharoah

PS for the record I already know what I am going to do, but as always I am curious to hear what thoughts other may have to share.

Self,



Ok I think everyone agrees "The Avengers" was pretty awesome.  MIB was good too.  Battleship was good considering that it was based on a boardgame  and there were no specific character that they writers had to hold true to for fans, like with the comicbood based films.  The surpise kicker is "What to Expect When You're Expecting."  This movie was so funny.  It has that subtle real humor like "Bridemaids."

I want to see these;



Hopefully, they will be as good as I'm hoping they will be.

What movies are you looking forward to seeing?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So I guess it's ok to share that I have been "spending time" getting to know someone.  We've been hanging out since the end of April.   I'm almost constantly laughing with him, because we seem to always be teasing and verbally jabbing each other.  One running joke is his nickname, (which I'll use here) is "the Black Hobbit" because he is short and has a dark complexion.

We are keeping things very casual....no pressure to label what we are doing or lay claim to each other, unlike with KB....which I'm really appreciating.

The possible problem is....Hobbit shares an apartment with his Ex.  On one hand that really doesn't bother me, because...well for one - this it not the most recent ex he is living with and supposedly they are more like family now, two - even if they are fucking....I don't care since we have no claims on each other like that to be worried about.

However what I am kinda worried about is that the Ex had a biopsy and is sounds like the results came back cancerous, which it seems to have the Hobbit a bit...out of sorts, if not under duress.  From just the brief conversation The Hobbit and I had about it, he's planning to be extremely involved in the Ex's recovering process.....and yeah the selfish part of me potentially sees that as bad news for me.


Sincerely
Pharoah 

Self,

So I was in Phoenix for several days and the incident with the 5AMer was actually still pretty early in my visit and there were others guys I had planned to meet....both of these are platonic connections.

The first is an up situation. we have been chatting for a while and we simply conversed while stuffing our faces....no problems.  The guy, IC, seems cool and I think we will continue to build towards a good friendship.

The down....well is should have been an up...but it went wrong. I already have decided what I'm going to do but I'm just getting it off my chest.

So this guy, WG, we had talked years ago and reconnect a while back...I think even before I met KB...but there wasn't any romance talk because he is in a relationship...so was I at the time. And we mostly played "Word with Friends," Scramble with Friends," and "Hanging with Friends."  Nothing major.

So the Sunday of the holiday weekend we planned to meet initially at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf....but I was getting hungry and suggest lunch. Then he says something about not being sure if he want's to tell his boyfriend about me because his boyfriend gets jealous easily.  I could care less if he tells the boyfriend or not so I am confused and text, "Well it's up to you....I doubt you plan to take me back to your plave to have hot sex on a platter so there's really nothing for him to be jealous about. but you know him best."

"Yeah he is crazy sometimes...and your moral values would prevent us from having hot sex on a platter."

I send, "My moral values or yours?" [Side bar...I'm a guy, I wasn't looking for sex, didn't really have any interest in sex with him....but I'm a guy...if you are going to offer than I'm going to be open to it...besides my feelings about it is that I can always say no at any time....even if you are standing in front of me naked with an erection...if I'm not feeling it then I'm not feeling it. So since he made the offer I'll see where it goes.]

"Ours, but if you want to come over tomorrow you can send the night. That would be better."

"So you don't want to meet today?"

"If you want a shot at sex tomorrow is better cuz he'll be home and I'll be at my place."

I send, "LOL oh so you want to have sex? Well we can postpone...but lunch today doesn't mean no sex tomorrow."

"LOL.  I told [the boyfriend] and he acting up so I told him you are heading back in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow night XXXX Streent name here."

The next day I try to get WG to set a time to meet because I was to also coordinate meeting with IC because where I was staying is like 30 miles outside the city I didn't want to meet IC then drive to My cousin's then turn around to drive back to Phoenix to meet up with WG. We set a time but then he flakes on meeting by saying the boyfriend is drunk and he wants to go home with him.   I understood and let it go.

So a couple days later I'm going about my business at home and get a text from WG saying hi and he sorry I didn't get the sex I was wanting in there in Phoenix.

I told him I was not looking for sex and that it was his suggestion and remind him that I said that we WEREN'T having sex so there was nothing for his boyfriend to be jealous about.
He then said he made the offer to go to his place as a test because he was curious about my motives..but sex didn't really cross his mind.

Then he gives me a load of crap about how he wish I respected relationships more but he respects me immensely for being honest about my willingness to mess with guys who are in relationships.  Then texts, " You values and mine are very different mine, You are moe selfish. There is an innocent party involved, someone who your moment of greediness and disrespect may directly -god forbid- or if the innocent one is lucky inadvertently affect.  The fact that your moral prism doesn't include that person in view is disconerting is all Im saying. It's short sighted, myopic and selfish to put it mildly."

Im floored at the audacity. I send back "Hmm that's really the pot callin the kettle black...the meer suggestion that YOU were willing to cheat on your relationship shows the same selfishness and disrepect for the innocent part. Which makes your accessment of my "moral compass" quite hypocritical."

"Not at all....blah blah blah...I don't expect that we'll agree on the matter at all because we dont come from the same moral upbringing-we dont have the same value system so I don't expect you to "get it" as it were, but I'm just expessing myself for the bery selfish motive of getting it off my chest. I don't expect to win you to my side whatsoever, your values are something you are content with and I respect it, but it informs me what access I can offer to my life."

"I feel you are back pedallin since I've told you how your test was flawed ...because it is crazy to think your boyfriend is going to be jealous of two friends meeting for lunch so raising that point was the initial problem because really it's a mute point.  However I'm tired of this game...u want to stand in judment...then so be it.  What I get is that u have a need to be self-righteous and feel that u are superior in some way....so you can have that too.  I don't want a friend who is going to try to judge me when he sets me up to fail. So we can keep the accest to each other like it is.  Sorry my attempt to get to know u better was just a game for you."

Then he says he agrees contact should be limited and the conversation should be more "surface" which I took to meanhe meant superficial and asked me if I heard any good music lately...

I intertained that for a bit...but really I wasn't interested in the convo anymore. 

Truth of the matter is that I think we have a different opinion of what "limited access" to each other will mean, I'm not sure what he think it means but suffice it to say...from this point on...for me the only access I'm allowing is the continued participation of the games of Scamble and Hanging with friends....something I do with random strangers anyway...and now I know he's nothing more than that.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

So for the holiday I was in Phoenix, AZ with family.  Surprisingly it was not hot as hell there....not until the day I left, which I took as AZ's way of letting me know it was time for me to go home....lol and I did!

I know I titled this "the Up's and down's" but I don't know if I want to start with the ups or downs. 

Well I will start with the good because that was the whole reason for the trip.  I was in AZ because my nephin (nephew-cousin...ie my cousin's oldest son who is like a nephew because of my relationship with his mom) is now a High school graduate...and well a college student all in the same trip.  Obviously, attending my nephin's graduation was the purpose of my trip to the state that's usually hot as hell, this time of year.  He's also a college student becasue his mom made him enroll in summer classed at the local community college that happen to start YESTERDAY (5/29/12.)  Yeah I think that kind of sucked too, but he has to be in school to stay on the family health insurace and she wasn't going to let him sit in the house all summer playing video games while she and her husband went to work everyday.  LOL I don't blame her.

The down....
Well I had been comunicating with this guy who lives there...well actually three, but this one in particular I think I was really feeling.  So the day after the graduation, CH (his initials) and I plan to meet.  We have a late meal, play a couple games of cosmic bowling, skinny dip in his jacuzzi, watch "The Iron Lady" (because that was one of the only of his many bootlegs dvds he had that would actually plays.)  About 5am we're naked in his bed and things start getting ...exciting. Just as things start getting intense....I say something that he decides to responds to by rolling over and going to sleep....I'm left laying in bed next to him feeling insulted and hurt.  Well it is after 5am and the drive back to my cousin's house in the boonies would be murder, so I just trun over and get soem sleep also.  I wake a couple hours later, still feelin insulted I dress and leave.

Most of the day goes by and I didn't hear from CH, which to me kind of adds insult to injury...or rather injury to insult.  So I send a text that was uncomplimentary.  Of course that results in a few uncomplimentary text directed at me.  Needless to say at this point we are no longer speaking with each other. 

In the text dialogue we had CH basically said that the events of 5am had nothing to do with those at 9am surrounding my departure and that it was very shady of me to have slept in his bed and not have acknowledge him when I left.  Hindsight being 100% more clear, I did and do agree with him.  I can't help but wonder if I was somehow subcounciously sabotaging the situation.  I mean I was having a pretty good time....he is sexy as hell...pretty much a example of my ideal man physically  (aaahh, the ass and thighs on this man that became apparent when his clothes came off......not to mention the more obvious arms, chest and abs.  I don't know if all that measure out for me in a way that I wasn't....entitled to be with someone like that....if I could keep someone like that interested and satisfied....if I would be enough for him.   Then you through in the logistics....he lives in FREAKIN PHOENIX, AZ!  I mean I had enough of a headache with KB who only lived a 45 minute drive away...CH is 5 hours!  (yes only an hour by flight...but I aint rich and will be even less so once I buy a house.)...and its PHOENIX......a city I nearly despise...and can almost say with certainty that I will never live there. 

So maybe I unintentially blew up the situation.  That said when I CH pointed out my errors I of course apologized but he doesn't believe me and didn't feel it was genuine.  Part of me wants to do SOMETHING to try to make my feelings and apologies more clear and sincere.  or should I just let it go?

Don't get me wrong, I have also considered that his words and reaction may have just been an act and he played it up to make his infaction at 5am seem more insignificant.  That said the fact remains that although I did feel wronged by him, I feel bad that I wronged him in the process and feel I should try to fix it.  

If anyone is reading this...I would like to hear your thoughts.

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,

Last night I went to see Queen Latifah perform at Long Beach Gay Pride.  I had fun, it was somewhat a date with someone I've been getting to know for about a month.  That's all, I don't think anyone is reading this but me....and I know the rest of the story.

Sincerely,
Pharaoh

Self,

Thanks to Aunt K, I have been reinvesting in my love of music....and the joy/excitement of discovering "new" music.

See what had happened was...

On my last visit to her house when I soaked up some of the serenity in her backyard garden, she, being slightly technically/electronically disconnected/challenged she had a iPod Nano that she had never opened and gave to me.

Now I had basically despised the Nano...for size, capacity and funtionality, which is why id didn't own own one already.....but this bitch was free and I decided to use it! I mean why let a gift go to waste, right?  Well, I knew I couldn't load all my CDs in to iTunes....that might over load the poor Nano. So what I started doing was searching for the songs that I had heard on my walkabouts and had identified using an app on my phone. 

So this is one of those songs, the artist is named Kimbra the track is called "Settle Down." I think she was in a group called "Someone I use to know," I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do.....obviously it's also available on iTunes.



Ok. So as I was getting ready to publish this post, I found other videos by Kimbra...this is called "Good Intent" and as best as I can tell is a track from her new release due out in a couple weeks.


 

I am feeling this!!! What' I'm loving about this one and well both tracks actually is the music is so layered. She sound great, I love her voice! Ok this is the last one...I already have this next track in my new Nano, but I want to share it here because it seems to really showcase her voice!




Sincerely,
Pharoah
PS - I posted these for the music, but I also have to ask, what are some thoughts on the videos?

Self,

Yesterday was Mother's Day.    And a pleasant one was had. Of course I cooked dinner for the Queen Mother....there was some assistance from both the Royal Sire and Royal Sibling.  I made The Queen Mother's favorite dish, "Steak Diane" along with garlic & dill mashed potatoes and spinach salad.  Actually, Steak Diane is really a Royals favorite we all love to have it when ever possible.  It's suppose to be made with filet mignon, but most times a good New York Strip steak works well. the secret is near the end it is flambé using a cognac (Henessey generally)....and that's all I will say here....Hmm maybe one day I'll actually share the recipe on "The Colored Plate" blog....lol but is an advanced recipe, not sure folks are ready for it!  Anyway, dinner was great success, I also made the other family favorite, peach cobbler.


The only hiccup to the day....is that I was sent three "Happy Mother's Day" messages.  WHY do people send Mother day greetings to men.  To me.....it's like wishing "Merry Christmas" to a Muslim, Jew, Buddhist or any other Non-Christian.  Hmmm....it's like wishing a Klu Klux Klan member a happy "Martin Luther King Jr Day."  It just doesn't make sense to do it.  It is even more strange to me, for a man to wish another man a "happy Mother's day"   Ironically...all three messages were from other guys....atleast one was kind of enough to send a picture of himself shirtless to go along with the inappropriate greeting.  Is it me...am I just crazy?

Sincerely,
Pharoah

Self,





But it struck me about how much Kim Kardashian is a non-celeb....and it all came from a sex tape.
 
SO...yeah I went there, being silly...This is the text I sent to a few folks:
 

I need to find someone to make a sex tape with and change my name to Karda$hian, so I can get PAID! Know anyone who'll be down? LOL.

 
I got some good responses.  {The other person}   {and ME}
 
A new friend in Houston;
"If we splitting the cash 50/50 I'm in!"  "LOL your cut depends on what role you play in the tape....you can't have me doing all the work and expect half of my shit! Besides you haven't shown me the goods for me to know if I want to do a sex tape with you." "LOL! Trust me, I would definitely be up for an ava (adult video award) And neither have I seen the goods! Atleast you seen (a pic of) me in underwear."  "LOL Have I....that profile pic could be anybody...nothing that specifically identify you!" 
 
A new friend here in LA;
"No but I do have a good therapist you can see immediately."  "Sex therapist? Is he a "hands on" type?"
"He will more than likely use his hands to put your crazy ass in a straight jacket."  "LOL. That's not what I had in mind....but a sex tape in a straight jacket may be a good gimmic....to one up that Karda$ian heffa."
 
Another new LA friend;
"HA! You have Kim's ass?" "Oh is that a requirement?"  "Nah, not for me."  "Oh so you would do the sex tape just to do it?"  "Ummm I'm not sure.  Never done one but I think it's kinda hot. I guess itt depends on who I'm doing it with. So my answer would be probably...lol"  "LOL. Well your co-star would like to see your equipment before agreeing to being seen on film with you! =)"
 
LA friend;
"LOL...I'll put the word out to any exhibitionists I may know...let me see if Ray J may want to do a part 2.  U may need to get a long wig and lashes..."  "LOL What ever it takes! But Ray J is cute but obviously not hot enough, because if he was he would've made the millions on the scandal, not her...I think she used up his combustability factor, so he would be seen as washed up."  "Lol...I know I'm not quite ready to go viral or straight to dvd...lol"  "LOL come on....your apple probably could rival hers!"  "And mine is real! No booty shots. It's in the genes...and my jeans.."
 
A Friend newly arrived in Michigan;
"I am sure you have a great pool to make a selection. Let me know when the video becomes available"  "LOL I'm lookin for options" "You got plenty"  "The more the merrier!"  "So you are looking for more than one person? Will this feature a gang bang?"  "LOL Sure for multiple audition tapes....but no gang" bang"  "Why no gang bang?  I am sure folks would double or triple their offer"  "LOL...,not sure if I can handle all that"  "I'll teach you"  "Oh you are an expect at being the subject of a gang bang? That's news to me."  "Private lessons before your screening" 
 
Prince Esquire;
"LOL! No. but you realize she was worth $25 mill before the tape...you're starting waaaay behind the 8 ball....or black balls as the case maybe"  "She wasn't...her DADDY was....so technically we are on even ground.  She was a broke freak...to start"  "No when she did that her dad was dead...therefore her cut was already $25 mill. Sorry sir.  And it started with Paris...see, you gotta be rich already for that shit to make you more rich...or at least famous. Ha!"  "You know Mr. [Esquire] you are not very supportive of my dreams of taking over the world...."  "Oh but I am!  I just have to make sure you see every angle, that way you can approach it properly"
 
Duke Darktomahawk;
"I just live here in the sticks. Ain't no one famous. How about Will [Smith] or Bruno Mars?"  "Hmmm I would do both of those....hmmm and actually I would have to do them both together...I gotta one-up that bitch if I want to jack her for her job!" "You stooopid"
 
There were two responses that I wasn't expecting...not because they were funny but because....well they weren't funny at all.
 
NYSuitor;
"Uhm. Nope.  Not even close"  "You are no help. Besides you of all people I was expecting a smart funny response...-nope- is too boring....try again."  "Nope. I'm not here to entertain you"
 
A entertainment Lawyer here in LA;
"Magic Johnson"  "Hmm lol well he is still kinda hot, but that's a high risk option."
 
The fact that the name was ALL he said about it...made me kinda wonder if  he knew the Magic would be down for that and if he could set that up if I was serious....for some reason, that was a little spooky for me.
 
 
Well that was my random act of silliness of the month...maybe just the week, we'll see.   I'm glad to have shared with both those who participated and those who are learning about it here.  I got a few other responses about wigs or how crazy, stoopid or silly I am...some who simply said "me."
 
As I was writing this post I got one today who said "I already did that and it's gone viral, but it will be expensive to see it now, because the person is a high ranking official and they had it blocked."  I thought that was funny too.

Also today a female friend in ATL said She'll do it!  which is hilarious because as I was writing this I thought it funny that nobody had suggested any females for me to make a sex tape with....Do people simply think that me in a sex tape with Queen Latifah, Jessical Alba, Lucy Liu, or Scarlett Johanson wouldn't be a scandal!?!?!? I mean I am talkign about trying to get paid!
 
Sincerely,
Pharoah