Obtineo

Well, it's the end of June and we reached a small milestone with our adoption paperwork today. Our home visits are complete. We are just waiting a few more weeks for the final homestudy report. Today we plowed through our checklist again and completed that last two items that needed to be notarized for our dossier. It took two separate trips to a notary, but they are done. I also completed my adoption training and took the online tests this weekend. It feels good to finish the paperwork that depends on us. Now it looks like we'll be in a bit of a holding pattern for the next two or three weeks. What a good time to enjoy Independence Day, birthdays, picnics, and class reunions.

What are the two things that you can be sure to hear on the news every day - at least on the radio? I think one is the weather forecast, and the other is the state of the stock market.

The stock market thing seems particularly counterproductive. What does this say about us? Is it like that in other countries? Several times a day you will hear if the Dow Jones is up or down. Stocks are trading higher; no wait, now they're lower. The Dow is up 2 points; The Dow is up 130 points. Does the listener really care? Aren't' the people who are really really interested in minute-by-minute reports already tracking that? Every investment person I can think of tells people to think long-term. "Don't worry about short-term fluctuations," they say. Then every time you hear the news he gets poked in the eye with constant stock market reports. Perhaps people really want to know; otherwise I would think that news stations would use the time for things more appealing to their audience (at least the ones that want to keep an audience). This seems like one sign that our society is generally obsessed with money; perhaps this is obvious. The contradiction should also be obvious.

So then, what does the need for frequent weather forecasts say about us??

I was reminded this Sunday that Jesus messes with our categories. The Pharisees of his time were very concerned about being righteous and keeping themselves from being defiled - not only by keeping the commandments in the law but by adding to them. They came up with things that looked pious but were actually disobedient. This is a common temptation. I sometimes notice my kids doing what they think is a better version of obedience, when in fact they are disobeying a simple command. I'm sure I could think of times when I have done the same.

Christ didn't tell the Pharisees that they didn't need to be pure. He explained the deeper meaning of the purity laws. He explained that it's not the things we touch and eat that we should be worried about. Rather, defilement comes from inside the heart - evil thoughts, etc. Interestingly what comes out of our mouths reveals what's in the heart. So, what comes out is much more important that what goes in.

This topic of defilement was also a reminder that Jesus - who was the fulfilment of the law - spent time doing things that were repulsive to the Pharisees. He touched lepers, dead bodies, sinners, and people who were considered unclean. He brought healing, life, and cleansing. He brought hope to the outcast. He did not avoid people who were shunned. He touched the untouchables. Aren't we called to be like Christ?

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." v 8-10

I want to jot down my thoughts about this topic so that I can look back later and see if my feelings have changed. I completely agree with my wife's post "Eenie, Meenie, Minee, Mo." I find this process of 'deciding' much more difficult than I expected. I'm not one to easily attach to children who are not mine yet. I started this adoption journey with two siblings in mind based on little more than a picture. None of the children know that we have been considering them.

Surely I feel a sense of responsibility about the outcome of this decision to adopt on my family. I'm trying hard to listen to the advice of those with more experience and wisdom than I have. I'm trying to look at the simple facts about the ages and personalities of our children and hoping to find an adopted child or children who will 'fit right in' as much as possible. I know that there will be difficult adjustments for any older child in the eight to ten year old range (I can only imagine what it would be like for them). At the end of the day, I also believe that God has known for quite some time how this will all turn out - and I trust Him. We are currently leaning toward a few specific children; children who are not the same ones that I started out with in mind. For a number of reasons, my initial choice (if given one) seems to be one that would likely be more difficult to adjust to because of age and gender 'fit' with my family. So in the past few days my reason has made me think that some specific other children may very well be best for us.

Today I was thinking about what it might be like to travel to Ethiopia to meet our new children, to spend time at the orphanage with them and meet their friends. Then I realized that the children we currently have in mind are at the same orphanage as the children who I started this journey with; I was suddenly hit hard by the thought of meeting them. How could I possibly look them in the eyes and then leave them behind? It made me not want to go to that orphanage; not because I would not love other children, but because for some reason those children haven't left me. How could I leave them?

My youngest daughter likes dolls. She likes dog bones (I think that's what she said). She likes gum and and two gums and more gum. She says Mommy likes gum (but I don't think that's true). She likes catchup and chicken on the bone. She likes hamburgers too. She likes home. Her doll likes cheese. I think she likes to be in pictures too because she is in at least two of the photos that I already posted. She's always in the right place at the right time.

My youngest son has favorite things too. He likes to ride tractors. He likes to work (so he says), and he likes to build sheds (who would have thunk). He loves his brothers and sisters. He loves his crane tractor that has a box that can carry dirt. And he likes castles - with a bad guy and a good guy to fight. The good guys fight the bad guys when the bad guys steal the girl. Oh, and he likes tractor cats that push dirt.

"Your friends are most likely to know the same things and same people who you know; your acquaintances are more likely to know things and people that you don’t know. Through them you get access to people and opportunities that you would not ordinarily know." -The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell.

My family returns tomorrow, and I'm very excited to see them again. I miss my wife and kids. This computer is not fun to hug. They have been gone for less than a week, but it's quite an adjustment when you're used to living with eight other people and all of a sudden you're left alone. Having alone-time has its upside (I finally found the time to start a blog), but it's not really my thing anymore.

It was a beautiful evening. This is a great place to live on a warm sunny day. We live within a 30-second walk of a park behind our house. We're also near one of the highest hills in our town. I like to go up there and look around. Every time I go up there I think about how blessed we are to be here. You can see a wonderful view for about 350 degrees (10 degrees is taken up by a water tower), north, south, east, west. The hills surrounding our town create a view with about a 5-mile radius. Not bad. While I was up there feeling so big, I remembered that we are really so small.

Except for two years in Minnesota for graduate school, I have lived my entire life within 165 miles of my present home. My work has taken me to other places like Puerto Rico and Hawaii, but those were just visits. In a very practical sense, my world has been pretty small. The same is true for my family. We are all still pretty close to home. But there are one or two orphans in Addis Ababa, Africa, who, Lord willing, are about to make our world a whole lot bigger. They don't have a home. I can't wait to take them to the top of the hill.

Kyle Weaver was selected in the NBA draft today, 38th overall and 8th in the second round. He will now be a Charlotte Bobcat. Go Kyle. Go Cougs. Five of the first 11 draft picks (45%) were from the Pac-10.

My wife and I discussed posting a list of our adoption expenses so that people can see the specifics, so here it is. Here are the minimum costs that we anticipate (* are paid to-date). I think I missed a few of the smaller fees for this and that, but this gives a pretty accurate picture.

$200 Application*
$2,050 Adoption processing*
$1,300 Homestudy, including post placement visits*
$25 Bank deposit verification*
$40 Police clearance*
$90 Background checks*
$220 for two passports*
$40 Passport photos*
$670 Orphan placement visa petition
$160 Fingerprinting
$5,500 for one OR $8,500 for two siblings: Ethiopia Processing
$400 Orphan visa, per child
$2,500 transportation for the child to/from Ethiopia
$2,500 transportation for parent to/from Ethiopia
$? other costs of staying in Ethiopia for two weeks.

That's roughly $16,000 to $19,000 depending on the number of children we adopt. So far we have spent about $4,000. We still have a ways to go. Lord willing, we'll make it. Most of these seem like very reasonable costs.

A few days ago a colleague came into our office and said she had a confession to make. She said that her bank charged her a $39 fee, and she called to argue it. She was polite, but there was a disrespectful 'tone' in her voice. She was clearly irritated. Well, she went back in her records to see what had happened and guess what. She found that the mistake was actually her mistake; the kind of mistake that she would rarely make. Now she felt badly for her 'tone' on the phone, so she called the bank back (not sure how to reach the same person) and told the guy who answered that she was calling to apologize. What an uncommon act. She said it was a good reminder that she isn't always right, and more importantly that her first assumption should not be that the 'other guy' is wrong. Well, we all know that little saying about assumptions...

I think God likes to use events that converge at one day or time to make a point. I had not thought too much about myself. This story had nothing to do with me. Then later I realized that I had made false assumptions on the same day. The dentist's office called to remind us of an appointment this week. Well, I'm the only one in town this week, so clearly my wife forgot to write down the appointment and took off for vacation, leaving me to contact the dentists office. Right? Not exactly. It turns out that it wasn't my wife's mistake

How easily I jumped to a false assumption. This story does apply to me. Now I'm the one who needs to make the confession.

Organizations have people. Therefore organizations are prone to have strife from time to time, and more so within certain segments of it (depending on the people). People have tongues. It's amazing to me how many problems organizations face could be minimized if more people would apply the lessons of Proverbs. For example, consider the application of these at work:

"Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another; lest he who hears it expose your shame, and your reputation be ruined" - Prov. 25:9-10.

A natural tendency is for people to debate their case to their neighbor's neighbor, rather than the neighbor himself. It's a lot more fun to tell people things that will cause them to take sides with you than it is to keep your lips tight. If you don't say something, won't everyone else only be getting 'their' side of the story?

Or consider this one, which is also very applicable to raising children:

"Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife." Prov. 26:20-21

So, how could people reduce strife at work? Same way you can put out a fire: stop throwing wood on it and watch it burn out.

It has been a year since I read it, but I really enjoyed Wait Till Next Year by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It's a memoir about her youth, her family, her home, and her love for baseball. The time and place were primarily the suburbs of New York in the 1950's. One of the things that stuck to me was how she and her father were able to bond because of their shared love for the game - and particularly the Dodgers. When she was little, her dad didn't bother to tell her that the box scores would be in the newspaper. Instead, he taught her to keep a scorecard while listening to the radio. When her dad came home from work they would talk about the games. Baseball was woven into her childhood experience (and her subsequent memories) from year to year to year. Baseball cards are woven into mine.

I recently gave my kids some of my baseball cards from the late 80's to open and play with. I used to be fussy about keeping cards in mint condition, but I have a different perspective now. I've come to believe that it's better to let them play with them (at least the 'modern' cards that are as plentiful as locusts were in Egypt). My oldest son is eight, and he is by nature a collector of stuff, like me. He is really having fun sorting them into teams and looking for certain players. I'm excited to see him take an interests in something that I loved as a kid. I don't want him to go overboard with it as I did, but I see a simple pleasure that we can share together. It makes me think of Doris and her Dad - and the way she felt as a child.

All of my kids have seen my interest peaked this year. Most of my girls also have a pile of cards tucked away in their dressers. I think they are responding to the opportunity to share something in common with their Dad. One of my younger daughters makes a real point of showing me her baseball cards from time to time - particularly her Mariners. I can't figure out why on earth she would care about those silly cards at her age, other than the fact that she knows that I like them-and she loves me. It's a fun way to get my attention on her and me. I think it's so sweet. That's one reason I hope to do a little baseball card collecting with my kids. Because I love them.

My wife does so much for us (her husband and kids). That simple fact should be most obvious when she is here actually doing those things. But frankly, some of those things go unnoticed or taken for granted because they happen so often. For example, cooking. My wife is a really great cook. And she likes to cook. And the rest of us like to eat her cooking. Her cooking adds life to this house. It adds aromas, and colors, and sounds, and warmth. It makes a messy kitchen. I make a messy kitchen too when she is gone, but my mess is lifeless: empty pop cans, papers, dried up dishes, keys, dish rags, and cold coffee at the bottom of the pot. I look into the refrigerator and grab the obvious. She looks into the refrigerator and creates the obvious from the unobvious. She looks at the flour and sees hot bread. I look at the flour and see white powdery stuff. Never mind how much we all enjoy the food she makes. The act of cooking is itself something to be treasured. I love coming home to the sound of cooking. My kids are really blessed to have a mom who takes the time to make great food for them. I'm sure they really have no idea; blessing is all they have ever known. So what does she have left from her busy life to offer orphans? A messy kitchen!

"He understood that the purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline - a problem that largely goes away if you have the right people in the first place. Most companies build their bureaucratic rules to manage the small percentage of wrong people on the bus, which in turn drives away the right people on the bus, which increases the need for more bureaucracy to compensate for incompetence and lack of discipline, which then further drives the right people away, and so forth." - Jim Collins, Good to Great

Before I got tangled up in paperwork this evening, I was really thinking most about bike trails. They really are nice. I've been riding my bike to work every day for the past week and a half. It's getting easier every time. It might make me healthy, but I really started riding because my wise (and perhaps wise-acre) wife told me to get off my you know what. I think I look silly riding in my work clothes, and I know I stick out because people have told me they see me riding. Oh well. It's relatively simple for me to get on the bike path that goes between the east end of town and the university. But whenever I try to get creative and ride on the streets or try some other route, it's always slower and half the fun. I just don't like dodging cars and twisting my neck to see if anyone is about to run over me when I turn. I don't want a mirror on my helmet; I want to stick to the trail. It's much nicer, even if the route is not as direct. Riding on the trail this week makes me glad to be on the Latah Trail Foundation (LTF) board. Among many worthy causes, it's a very good one. I'm adding a link to the LTF website now.

Having a blog is a great way to... reflect.

The doctor's office called to say our notarized paperwork was ready today, so I hopped on my bike to pick them up this afternoon. To their disappointment and mine, the forms for CASI were done (yes), but no letters for our dossier (no). Oops. And of course, I didn't give them the right answer when asked if both parents could be named in the same letter. I'll have to call them tomorrow AM to get it right. I wonder if they like donuts; maybe that would ease the pain?

Then I hopped back on my bike to ride across town to the Eastside Marketplace to pay for the tabs on my 15-passenger van before they expire on the first of the month. I didn't have a watch, so I was just guessing I might make it before they closed (no). The curtains were pulled down, and the door was locked. Hmm, I says to myself, "I wonder what time it is?" So I pulled my cell phone out of the bag and sure enough it was past business hours. It was 5:01. I'll try again tomorrow.

But the good news is that when I checked the mail at home, I found two letters from my bank. Wow, I had been wanting to hear from them all last week. The first letter contained two notarized letters verifying my deposits for the past year (for our dossier). Just what I needed (yes)! The second letter was a memo that said I faxed my request to the wrong unit. Funny, that's the fax number the friendly guy at the local branch told me to use. Fortunately they faxed my request to another unit for processing. That would explain why someone was trying to fax something to my home phone number last week (I faxed the request from home). After multiple failed attempts to let me know by fax, they gave up and mailed it to me. I'm glad they stopped. My wife even called me at work to thank me for causing our home phone to ring off the hook, only to beep and screech when she picked it up. What this doesn't explain is why no one from the bank bothered to call or email me at the numbers I provided in my original request. Hmm. Well anyway, the day before I got the notarized letter in the mail I re-sent my request by U.S. mail along with another $25. It should arrive at the bank later this week. I wonder if they will recognize it (oh no). I'll call tomorrow. I wonder if I should call the unit I should have sent it to, or the unit I sent it to?

Here is an interesting story from NPR this morning, based on a survey of some 35,000 Americans.

"Most Americans Aren't Dogmatic About Faith.

A survey of Americans about their religious beliefs finds many of them are highly religious. But most aren't dogmatic about their faith. The survey was conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. Co-host Ari Shapiro talks to Greg Smith, one of the survey's lead authors and a research fellow at the Pew Forum." You can here it at this NPR link.

Some baseball history was made today. It might even show up on a baseball card next year. Felix Hernandez, this year a lone star pitcher for the Seattle Mariners, hit a grand slam. Yep. Pitcher. Grand Slam. It was in an interleague game with the Mets. The National League pitchers usually have to bat. But the American League pitchers don't usually have to bat because they have designated hitters that do nothing but bat. It was the vert first pitch that Felix Hernandez saw this season as a batter -> grand slam. And the first home run ever hit by a Mariners pitcher. Just like that, after 30 years, another moment in sports history was made today.

"As for the home run, it was the first grand slam by an American League pitcher since Cleveland's Steve Dunning hit one against the Athletics on May 11, 1971. That slam was hit off right-hander Diego Segui, who six years later would throw the first pitch in Mariners franchise history." --Jim Street, MLB. com

Watch it here: http://seattle.mariners.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200806232991136

My favorite thing about this blog so far is the picture of my son at the top. It is so "him" -playful, silly, colorful, etc. It reminds me as a parent that the very traits that are sometimes a source of annoyance are also a source of joy. It's the silliness and persistent need to make other people laugh that gets him into trouble at the dinner table. That's also exactly what made him the poster boy for my blog. Would I have picked his picture if he were standing still and looking like a serious five year old? How boring that would be for a freshman blogger. So while I'm not advocating silliness at the dinner table - we all need to remember not to take ourselves too seriously! It's amazing that in a Triune God's world a single thing (e.g., silliness) can be so much more than a single thing.

I'm used to writing for a specific audience. That's what I spend much of my time doing. But this blog is a little challenging because I don't have an audience yet. If I thought I had one, I might stop writing. So for now, I am my own audience. I'm writing for me. I'm becoming a fan of reading blogs, but the jurry is still out when it comes to writing them.

I have noticed that most of the male bloggers in my sphere of life are either ministers or sports junkies. I'm neither, so this is a strange project from the start. I'm also quite sure that the male/father/husband perspective can be different from that of our wives'. Maybe I'll be able to provide "the rest of the story."

I am also interested in honing the art of writing often. Writing often and regularly, even if you have nothing to say (or so you may think), is one of the main things I heard from an expert who helps university professors to be more productive as writers. This blog should help me try out that theory.

I spend so much time writing about what other people do and think, that I rarely write about my own thoughts. I audited a class at the university this past semester and had to write a short assignment about the connection between the class material and my own experience. I tried to write about me, but I quickly drifted into writing about other people who I worked with. That's when I realized that I need to practice writing about me more often. The final straw was to watch my wife have so much fun blogging. But since I'm writing for me, I'm going to include fun stuff like Cougar sports. She hasn't done that yet.

Today I got my notarized verification-of-employment letter for our dossier. Another milestone when it comes to paperwork! We're almost there. Now I'm just waiting (again) for my five-star customer service oriented bank to cash my $25 check and send me a letter verifying my deposits for the past year. That's another story. Back to this story.

The lady I called for help at work was really eager to help. She had no idea if there was a notary in her office, but she hopped right up and searched the seats until she said, Yes, we have one of those! I can't even tell how many times she said, "Sure, I can have that for you in five minutes." Five minutes? Talk about the can-do attitude. Some people look for ways to make things happen; others waste their time explaining why they can't help. I'm very thankful for this little act of kindness. The funny thing is that when I told a colleague how helpful this person was, she said, "She must be new here." HA.

"He who gives to the poor will not lack, but he who hides his eyes will have many curses." - Proverbs 28:27

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." -James 1:27

I enjoy listening to music on Pandora.com from time to time. By doing that I discovered something I should have already known - one of my favorite bands is the Goo Goo Dolls. Strange? I guess, but there you have it. I can't tell you much about them, but I like their sound, particularly the lead singer's voice. Maybe it reminds me a little of the Outfield. I like Hootie & the Blowfish too. Now you know what to get me for Christmas - I don't have any of their albums.

I didn't give the title of this blog a lot of thought, but it seems quite appropriate. "Obtineo" means to hold, keep, posses or maintain. That's how I plan to use this blog for now...a way to hold or keep a few thoughts.

It also fit because I recently re-discovered my baseball card collection. I have had some of those cards for over twenty years. Saying that makes me feel old because I remember when I bought most of them. If you would have told me that I would be fussing with them in 20 years and that most of the 'modern' cards that I bought as a teenager would be worth very little now, I don't think I would have believed it. But that's okay because I think there are lots of lessons to be learned from baseball cards. Perhaps more on that later. Besides, most of the English words were already taken.

It's almost 9 p.m. and still light. This is one of the longest days of 2008. Seems like a good time to start a blog.