Sien's space

以前看戏听到有一句话，
两个人因为有缘而在一起，
两个人的相遇就犹如拼图那样，
在一千块拼图中，找到两块相连的是多么的有缘啊 。。。

我和你，因为有缘分，而相识了。。。
遇见你，我真的很幸运。。。
和你在一起，一同创造了许多许多美好的回忆。。。
我们在一起一年多了，这一年多，一路走来真的不简单。。。
面对了不少困难，不少波折。。。
你一生中吃了不少苦，我真的不忍心你继续这样的吃苦下去。。。
家庭问题、朋友问题、钱的问题。。。许多许多问题都不断地冲着你而来。。。
我真希望你可以过回一些平凡的日子。。。 
总有一天我会带你离开的。。。

这几天回忆了许多甜蜜的回忆。。。
还记得刚开始认识 你的时候，和你拍的第一张照片。。。
拿着你的“双胞胎姐姐”照片玩你。。。逗得你蹦蹦跳跳。。哈哈
你sms我，叫我帮的第一个忙。。。
喜欢了你。。。
生病了，照顾你。。。
等你睡着了，帮你盖上被，帮你关灯，静静地离开你的卧室。。。
接着我便去良的家睡觉。。。就这样持续了好几天。。。
还记得有一次，也是第一次，趁你睡着的时候，情不自禁地在你的脸颊那亲了一下。。。
第一次亲女生，你的脸滑滑的。。。 哈哈
不过事后，我不想隐瞒，我讨厌隐瞒，接着便向你道歉。。。

你今年的生日过了，未能陪你庆祝和渡过，真的很对不起。。。
无论怎样都好，我都一定会为你准备礼物。。。
因为你是我的唯一，我的宝贝。。。
我爱你。。。

我以前说过的一句话，
爱情就好像一道墙，
双方都必须使用适量的力度去推，
如果一方少，另一方多，那么拿到墙边会倒下。。。
所以呢，宝贝，我们一起努力地维持这道墙的平衡吧。。。
一起努力经营我们的爱情。。。
创造我们共同的未来。。。
一起奋斗。。。 ^^ 

1.25a.m.
=keff=

我对你的家庭有更深一层的了解了。。。
越是了解，越是觉得自己帮不到忙。。。
原来你的家庭，一直都被别人看扁。。。
看见你所有的遭遇 ，得到的对待，无论是朋友，又或是和你有血缘关系的父母和弟弟，我都觉得很心痛。。。
那种心疼，真的很像被针扎一样。。。很痛。。。很痛。。。

这个学期，何其失败，何其无用。。。
foundation的时候。。。。。。。。。。。
此时此刻，脑里散过很多画面，全都是开心的，愉快的，就算是多辛苦，流过多少泪也好，那时候依然觉得很满足，因为付出的，得到回报。。。

现在。。。单单Y1S1，就已经fail了两科。。。哈哈（苦笑）
没有一个coursework超过30，很讽刺。。（心很痛）
我压力很大，大得我喘不过气。。。很辛苦。。。
我体会到了我大哥曾经述说过的心情。。。眼泪已在眼中打滚。。。
没有一科成功。。。任何失败，自己一个人默默地承受。。
更讽刺的事，在别人眼中，我还是很成功，这种心情，和被别人当面讽刺你没什么两样。。。
一双肩膀扛完。。。
全都在及格与不及格的范围，是范围，并不是边缘，很可笑，很没用。。。
中学已经受过这些打击了，没想到在这第一年里，竟然令我再次尝试这种滋味，这种挫击。。。
一切一切，都只能怨自己。。。输给了自己。。。
就算连现在走路，都只觉得在这道路上走着的只有我一人，孤身上路，只有自己的影子陪伴。。。无同伴。。。无陪伴。。。
final要来了，已经浪费了一个礼拜的时间。。。
回去见父母，是为了不想令他们担心。。。
相对的，牺牲了许多其他的东西。。。

我们双方都承受着不同的压力，在这压力上，我们都知道没什么帮到对方。。。
可是我们并没有放弃，我们依然互相扶持，互相体谅，一同面对所有的困难。。。

金宝，到底发生了什么事。。。
难道人与人之间的误会可以在不言中产生出许多许多吗？
因为你被停学一个学期，就等于在所有人的眼中消失了。。。
因为你时时回槟城，因为你偶尔下setapak，每个人都当你消失了？是这样吗？
原本的家庭已经不再是一个家庭了。。。
互相的关心，关怀，已经不在了。。。
你少了对别人的问候，是因为你怕打扰在学业上正在拼搏朋友。。。也因为这样，大家也视你为无睹了？当你不存在了？是这样吗？
人与人的误会因为这样而产生了许多许多，是这样吗？
其他人都认为你很高傲吗？是这样吗？
我很想知道答案，有谁可以告诉我？
呵呵。。（苦笑）
我根据了人与人相处的哲学，分析了许多许多的可能性。。 

整个‘家庭’，开开心心的去怡保看戏，竟然没邀你。。。
听到这个消息，我真的很心痛，很辛酸，不是普通的痛，不是普通的酸。。。
到底发生了什么事？
为什么会变成这样？
每个人都已经当你是一个萍水相逢的朋友而已？事情已演变到今时今日的地步了？
我不想放弃，可是我已经开始麻木。。。
来到了setapak，遇到的人事物，整个环境，所有发生的事，我已经开始麻木了。。。
一切未知的答案，一切不解的疑问，我已经开始感到了绝望。。。
我不想失去难得的友情，难得的朋友。。。可是我已经没力了。。。
很希望有个友情的羁绊，将我拉起，告诉我一切不解的问题。。。告知我答案。。。

压力，无时无刻地围绕着。。。

宝贝，无论怎样，我都会扶着你。。
你的家庭，重男轻女，过分无良，狗眼看人低，毒嘴巴，贱心肠。。。
总有一天，我会带你离开你的家庭。。。
我会尽我全力，承受着所有的压力，我不会放弃。。。
等我。。。

这学期，真的发生了很多事。。。
有许多事情都改变了。。。变糟了。。。变劣了。。。

是我把自己的天空涂灰了吗？
该有的色彩难道不会再从现了吗？
我需要那一丝微光，那一丝。。。希望。。。。。。

一切，唯有靠自己。。。
好好地利用自己的双手，创造一切，改变一切。。。

3.30a.m.
=keff= 

30 July 2011 —– my first failure in my degree life…
took business accounting midterm exam…
did badly…

i have the advantage because there was more time for me to study because others are taking japanese and accounting test at the same day, this day… however, i don’t need to take the japanese test because i took it one week before them…
however, i just cant capture the base strongly…
my base is very unstable because lack of practices, i know…
it was all my own fault…

during the exam…
i rush, fighting with the time…
yet the time was just ignore me and keep on proceed cruelly without waiting me even for a second…
i’m idiot, how can the time wait for me? that is fair enough for everyone, everyone has the same time to be used for sitting this exam… that is fair… enough…

i admit, my mind was very blur and many unjustified thought of answers appeared in my brain…
i totally lack of confidence…
i admit, i panic…
i admit, i lose… for this time…
lose to myself due to lack of practices and preparation…
i need more time to understand, not only the test’s question, the knowledge too…
i have to make my base of accounting to become stronger, then only i can proceed to the next challenging stage…
this time, i lose… 

however, it doesn’t means that i lose forever…
i will stand up again…
many tasks still waiting me to be done…
two assignment and one presentation left…
have to complete it…
yet, those stress thingy come on…
have to face the truth…

today, in down mood…
i miss my dear, but i know i cant contact her…
its ok… i’m ok with it…
i had decided to fix the study table that presented by my buddy, Liang…
thanks him so much…
this is the biggest present i ever get in my life…
i have my lover to stay with me inside my heart forever, yet i have a buddy to care for me and support me always…
i’m glad and appreciate what i have…
i will grab it tightly and won’t lose any of them…
appreciate…
thanks… 

staring at this for one day d…

i like this… because it is purple… haha.. purple-apple…

before anything start…

finally, finish fixed it by my own, using both my hands and legs to hold the position…
first time fix a furniture without anyone helping me to hold it still…
my hand was red and pain due to knock the drawer part by my bare right hand…
my thumb was pain because keep on screwing and holding and many many others  movement that causes my thumb feel like unusual… >.<

thank you Liang, thanks for my birthday present… thank you…

i miss u… my dear…
miss u lotz…
wanna hug u tightly…
wanna kiss u deeply…
miss you…

already used up all my energy available…
feel sleepy now… tired…
time to go to the bed…
hope can have a nice dream…
good night everyone…
good night Liang…
good night, my lovely dear…

1.56a.m.
31 July 2011
=keff= 

傻猪猪，别再哭了，如果你再哭，我就。。。。。

oh mai gad了噢。。。

i like it… an understanding conversation…
just now, had a conversation with my dear…
ya, i know, i have to accept and get used of it…

sorry about just now for cant controlling my tears…
its true my heart was pain while seeing become like this, suffering from all those thingy yet i just can’t help you in anyway…
that’s why i had make my minds clear and think about it for several times…
you can’t be perfect, you unable to control your switching manually…

so, if you decide to switch it on for most of the time or every time, i’m ok, i accept it…
i know i might be feel some painess for my future… but i will get used of it… 
“why i will accept it?” you may ask this question…
dear, i told you already, i will stand by your side and think if that was me facing all this situation, how would i be?
your changes are logical, if i was you, i might become like you too…

however, i’m sad because of something i hope to remain is changing…
i know you still have the thing i want but you just keep it deeply inside and don’t let ‘it’ to come out…

by the way, just now once again, you showed ‘it’ to me…
i can feel it truly and deeply…
i’m glad that what i believe for so long is still the same…
i believe that you still are who you are…
you still care for me… you get what i mean… you still have your clear side…
you understand about me… you know how i feel…

dear, that’s enough… i already feel it deeply… 
i will support you all the way along…
dear, thank you… i love you…

i know you can’t come, never mind… i understand…
i understand your situation…
this is not your fault…
one day, i will and see you again… trust me, the day will come…

dear, promise me one thing k?
inside you heart leave a place for me, to listen to what i say…
inside my heart will definitely leave a place for you, to let you share everything  with me…

p/s: birthday actually din’t means lot to me… birthday or not, are still the same, a common day… because from standard 4 that time, i already din’t celebrate for my own birthday… till the secondary school for one time, yong tat, yuen nam, wen wen and zarif celebrate it with me… then till UTAR life, TZ18 celebrate with me… and YOU, celebrate with me, and for the first time, a girl is willing to draw a picture for me, a picture of dream house… till now, i will remember the best ever birthday present that given by my lovely dear… 

dear, one day, we make a dream tree house, and that become our secret place k?
would you stay with me to make our dreams come true?
please, please believe in dream, because that is a hope, my hope, our hope…
dear, please do believe it k?

i miss you… so much… so much…

12.35a.m.
=keff= 

产生变化。。。

无论怎样，我只想说。。。
被自己心爱的人依靠，不论有多辛苦，都是幸福的。。。
觉得可笑的人，你尽管笑吧。。。
我只是说出我的感觉。。。

或许你会不相信。。。
只想让你明白，被自己心爱的人依靠，indirectly地证明了，你在自己心爱的人心里，有了某种分量的地位，因为他想和你分享一切的喜怒哀乐。。。 

12.55a.m.
=keff= 

miss your voice, miss your sound…
where are you?

i know you would like to be alone and silent…
i will give you freedom…
i do what i say… i respect you…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

dear… suddenly i have a thought…
if one day i disappear for several hours… how would you be?
Or….
one day, i do what you just did, what will happen from you to me?

miss you lotz…
hope you are fine…

1.28a.m.
=keff= 

today is a special day… i’m still get to write this post in time since today havent become tomorrow…
dear, take your time… do your things…

i will be waiting for you… wait for you to come back….
miss you so much…
happy anniversary dear…
i want to have our anniversary every year, forever~

i’m here… to let you lay down and rest…
will be waiting for you…
to let me warm your heart…
clear your stress…
feel the love…
from my heart… 

LOVE. YOU. FOREVER.

11.33p.m.
=keff= 

This is a story abt 4 people named Everybody,Somebody,Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to b done and Everybody was sure tht Somebody wud do it. Anybody cud hv done bt Nobody did it. Somebody gt angry abt tht bcause it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody cud do it bt Nobody realised tht Everybody wouldnt do it.it ended up tht Everybody blamed Somebody whn Nobody did wht Anybody could have done!

again, i grabbed this from facebook… i found it was quite interesting…
already confuse by those ‘body body’??? haha… just read it one by one…
hope u guys can understand this… ^^

a sharing of interesting post…

8.53p.m.
=keff=