Man ( newly married/ to be married soon ): Oh, now that I am married/going to get married, there goes my independence, and begins a new phase of slavery...
Others/Everyone: Ha ha ha, LOL. Another one bites the dust. Ha ha ( loud raucous laughter, with snide jokes)
Woman: I'm getting married. There goes my no-accountability life, got to start thinking responsibly.
Others/Everyone(with an indulgent/ supposed to be 'wise' smile): This is a new phase in your life, look at it positively. (another smile, and then mebbe holding hands or stroking hair) There is a particular time for everything, and this is the time for your marriage. Look at it positively. You are marrying someone you like. I am sure you will have fun with him too.
1. Why?
2. Why the justification: "I am sure you will have fun with him too."
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Liberal? Or, was it moderate...?
Hmm....everytime I am asked the question: Religious Values? on a social networking site that I'm trying to be part of, in my need to be in touch with people I love and think I love :P. My answer usually is 'Liberal.' Yes, I consider myself liberal. But really, that sets me thinking..hmm..do I have any religious values at all? Do I want to have any? No.
Let me tell you why. I'm born a Hindu in a fairly religious family. My parents are proud to be Hindus, and I'm too, at some level. However, I do not want to believe in any religion sometimes. It hurts. A lot. It brings with it a certain kind of expectation, a certain kind of belief, something that constricts free thought, generosity and love even, sometimes. No, it hasn't happened to me as yet, but I know it has, to some others. And I hope it never happens to me. I'd hate for that to happen.
Does religion refer to believing in God? I ask this because I've asked questions about religion to my parents, granny, she tells me: God will punish you. Hmm...didn't the Gujarat riots happen because of religious belief? Or, the Ram Janmabhoomi issue...isn't Pakistan affected by the lack of unity among Shias and Sunnis? Sigh. Then, why religion?
There are some blind beliefs that characterise religion, not just practical stuff like my granny claims. Things like Hindus should wear Bindis, while Muslims cannot, and Christians have a choice? Why? I read a long time back that a Bindi symbolizes the centre of knowledge or something to that effect. Really? I do not think so, and neither does Science or practicality. I wear a Bindi when I think I want to wear it, or when I look good, or :) because my parents are around me, and they'd like it. I do and believe in a lot of things for the sake of others. I know some of you may say, why do something you do not want to? True. I agree. I thought the same when I was 15. Now, I feel otherwise. Now, I feel, might as well, make these people happy when they see me, and live my life the way I want to, when I live all by myself. I think that is a fair compromise.
I think I do not want to believe in any religion. I know its tough. My parents'd hate me not to believe in my religion or do things that characterise me as a Hindu. Things like celebrating festivals in the right way, going to the temple...hmm...sometimes, I think, all I owe them is happiness like this. My marriage, my kids, a pic of me laughing, buying something for them ( could very well be a pen) from my money....believing in some of the stuff they do. They become so happy, so proud, so content that they've raised their kids well, that everything has worked out fine. No, am not someone who is all sappy about family, but recent events have forced me to rethink. I guess I will do it all, and do more :)
P.S: The Bindi is just an coinciding example, and there are loads like this, I can point out!
Let me tell you why. I'm born a Hindu in a fairly religious family. My parents are proud to be Hindus, and I'm too, at some level. However, I do not want to believe in any religion sometimes. It hurts. A lot. It brings with it a certain kind of expectation, a certain kind of belief, something that constricts free thought, generosity and love even, sometimes. No, it hasn't happened to me as yet, but I know it has, to some others. And I hope it never happens to me. I'd hate for that to happen.
Does religion refer to believing in God? I ask this because I've asked questions about religion to my parents, granny, she tells me: God will punish you. Hmm...didn't the Gujarat riots happen because of religious belief? Or, the Ram Janmabhoomi issue...isn't Pakistan affected by the lack of unity among Shias and Sunnis? Sigh. Then, why religion?
There are some blind beliefs that characterise religion, not just practical stuff like my granny claims. Things like Hindus should wear Bindis, while Muslims cannot, and Christians have a choice? Why? I read a long time back that a Bindi symbolizes the centre of knowledge or something to that effect. Really? I do not think so, and neither does Science or practicality. I wear a Bindi when I think I want to wear it, or when I look good, or :) because my parents are around me, and they'd like it. I do and believe in a lot of things for the sake of others. I know some of you may say, why do something you do not want to? True. I agree. I thought the same when I was 15. Now, I feel otherwise. Now, I feel, might as well, make these people happy when they see me, and live my life the way I want to, when I live all by myself. I think that is a fair compromise.
I think I do not want to believe in any religion. I know its tough. My parents'd hate me not to believe in my religion or do things that characterise me as a Hindu. Things like celebrating festivals in the right way, going to the temple...hmm...sometimes, I think, all I owe them is happiness like this. My marriage, my kids, a pic of me laughing, buying something for them ( could very well be a pen) from my money....believing in some of the stuff they do. They become so happy, so proud, so content that they've raised their kids well, that everything has worked out fine. No, am not someone who is all sappy about family, but recent events have forced me to rethink. I guess I will do it all, and do more :)
P.S: The Bindi is just an coinciding example, and there are loads like this, I can point out!
Friday, December 28, 2007
The 'Darshini' phenomenon
On a lazy Saturday morning, I got up to my cousin's call at 9 AM in the morning. (Ya, ya, I know
I said I will wake up at 6 AM, go jogging, clean up home and all that, but well, you know what happens :P) I spoke to him for an hour. Knowing my cousin, the conversations are all peppered with : " I see..." " Okay..." Hmm..."Or, nothing else. Just silence which is super comforting. He is someone I call anytime I'm in trouble :) So, there I go, on another emotional trip. Now, that is not what I intended to write, did I?
Okay, let me get into the 'matter' (I remember characters in Tamil serials going: "Matter enna pa?" :P) So, matter enna na, as soon I get up, I need food, yes, I need to break the non existant fast with a hot cuppa kaaapi or strong tea (its easier to make tea when you live alone, better, easier to get your North East roomies to make some for you :P) Haan, so where was I? Ya, I need breakfast and tea/coffee. Preferably, a good South Indian breakfast sans Idlis will do. Idlis will also do in times of desperation, like today. So, I get up and realize for the nth time in the last two and a half years in this city that the option of breakfast is limited to hot vegetarian (I'm one) Biryani and Irani Chai (chai dripping with sugar, is thick and dark. Not my cup of tea, I'd say). What the hell!?!?
When I realized this first 2 years ago after a particularly bad night, no dinner, was sick through out the night kind of a night, I was wild. There is no concept of a kiosk, or a very Bangaloresque Darshini concept. The restaurants here with a kiosk are cheap, sidey with men leching at you standing in lungis and sipping their tea for over an hour. I felt let down, I felt horrible, that I could not just walk out of home/hostel, pay 10-12 bucks for a quick dosa, and filter kaapi (that too, 1/2) and walk out in the sunshine! Here, I had to eat bread (with nothing, no jam or butter or sometimes with them, which does not make things any better, frankly) if I woke up later than the mess timings which was ALWAYS the case on a weekend. Sigh.
Everytime I go to Bangalore on a vacation, I stare longingly at those Dosa-kaapi, 1 plate Idli-vada with steaming sambar places. The variety is awesome. They sell anything from the infamous 1/2 kaapi, to tea (rarely drunk in Bangalore, frankly), to hot, crisp, yummy dosas (all the 150 different types at that), idlis, vadas, upma, khara baath (a Karnataka specialty with rice and some veggies), pesarattu ( in some places)...and hot badam milk, with pieces of badam thrown in, plain milk. Just so good and hot, and just the thing to pep you up. This is such a part of a Bangalorean's life. You will see various restaurants like this dotting the city, sometimes, actually, most of the times, several on a road. They are invariably named 'something Darshini.' Like, for instance, Ganesh Darshini. Soooo homely, and so grounded, I say!
And there is a culture around this, you know. The people who come here have no class or caste. I have seen people walking, come in the biggest of cars possible. Nothing matters, its just good food, at very affordable prices, and very easily available throughout the day. These 'Darshinis' typically open at 7.30 - 8 AM in the morning and close as late as 11 or 11.30 PM. They are fairly clean and hygienic and the service is super-fast. The parcel section works better than any McDonald's place or assembly line I've known. The noises are so gratifying. It goes like this: "Ei, yeradu masaaaale paaaaarcel, innenu myaadam?" They've, of course, adapted themselves to the changing tastes of today's crowd which mostly eats out. While morning breakfasts remain the same, the lunches have an addition: North Indian Thali, or that quickie of a Chinese meal - one soup, Gobi Manchurian and some noodles or rice - all vegetarian, though. Or, a good ol' South Indian Thali with rice, 2 chapatis, sambar, rasam or saaru as it is known in Karnataka, curd or mosaru, pickle or uppinakaayi, some salt, some sweet and you are done, all within a mere 40Rs at the most! The same goes for dinner. However, in the evening, some Darshinis serve Chaat, and stuff like Bondas with the amazing kaapi again. I love the fact that you get food anytime, and at such affordable rates!
I have eaten in these places all my life :) and will always associate Bangalore with them. During those theatre club days, when we went looking for food at odd times, and when we had just 10 Rs in our pockets, when mom was not there to cook, Darshinis have been there, stood the stead of time to flourish and serve everyone, irrespective of caste, class, religion, gender. Yes, gender. There is this tendency among women, or atleast was, not to go out alone and eat at any restaurant. Darshinis shattered that myth. Women just walk up, order what they want, and since it is self-service, wait there, pick up the order, stand at one of those tables, even share it with some random men, eat up their choice of order, and leave for home/work. I've done this several times myself and felt amazingly liberated, irrespective of the time and what and how much I ate :)
We need to popularize the concept of these Darshinis throughout the country. They are an amazing business model, provides employment to loads of people, and of course, good, clean, fairly healthy, and very affordable food, something that everyone needs :) Whaddya think?
I said I will wake up at 6 AM, go jogging, clean up home and all that, but well, you know what happens :P) I spoke to him for an hour. Knowing my cousin, the conversations are all peppered with : " I see..." " Okay..." Hmm..."Or, nothing else. Just silence which is super comforting. He is someone I call anytime I'm in trouble :) So, there I go, on another emotional trip. Now, that is not what I intended to write, did I?
Okay, let me get into the 'matter' (I remember characters in Tamil serials going: "Matter enna pa?" :P) So, matter enna na, as soon I get up, I need food, yes, I need to break the non existant fast with a hot cuppa kaaapi or strong tea (its easier to make tea when you live alone, better, easier to get your North East roomies to make some for you :P) Haan, so where was I? Ya, I need breakfast and tea/coffee. Preferably, a good South Indian breakfast sans Idlis will do. Idlis will also do in times of desperation, like today. So, I get up and realize for the nth time in the last two and a half years in this city that the option of breakfast is limited to hot vegetarian (I'm one) Biryani and Irani Chai (chai dripping with sugar, is thick and dark. Not my cup of tea, I'd say). What the hell!?!?
When I realized this first 2 years ago after a particularly bad night, no dinner, was sick through out the night kind of a night, I was wild. There is no concept of a kiosk, or a very Bangaloresque Darshini concept. The restaurants here with a kiosk are cheap, sidey with men leching at you standing in lungis and sipping their tea for over an hour. I felt let down, I felt horrible, that I could not just walk out of home/hostel, pay 10-12 bucks for a quick dosa, and filter kaapi (that too, 1/2) and walk out in the sunshine! Here, I had to eat bread (with nothing, no jam or butter or sometimes with them, which does not make things any better, frankly) if I woke up later than the mess timings which was ALWAYS the case on a weekend. Sigh.
Everytime I go to Bangalore on a vacation, I stare longingly at those Dosa-kaapi, 1 plate Idli-vada with steaming sambar places. The variety is awesome. They sell anything from the infamous 1/2 kaapi, to tea (rarely drunk in Bangalore, frankly), to hot, crisp, yummy dosas (all the 150 different types at that), idlis, vadas, upma, khara baath (a Karnataka specialty with rice and some veggies), pesarattu ( in some places)...and hot badam milk, with pieces of badam thrown in, plain milk. Just so good and hot, and just the thing to pep you up. This is such a part of a Bangalorean's life. You will see various restaurants like this dotting the city, sometimes, actually, most of the times, several on a road. They are invariably named 'something Darshini.' Like, for instance, Ganesh Darshini. Soooo homely, and so grounded, I say!
And there is a culture around this, you know. The people who come here have no class or caste. I have seen people walking, come in the biggest of cars possible. Nothing matters, its just good food, at very affordable prices, and very easily available throughout the day. These 'Darshinis' typically open at 7.30 - 8 AM in the morning and close as late as 11 or 11.30 PM. They are fairly clean and hygienic and the service is super-fast. The parcel section works better than any McDonald's place or assembly line I've known. The noises are so gratifying. It goes like this: "Ei, yeradu masaaaale paaaaarcel, innenu myaadam?" They've, of course, adapted themselves to the changing tastes of today's crowd which mostly eats out. While morning breakfasts remain the same, the lunches have an addition: North Indian Thali, or that quickie of a Chinese meal - one soup, Gobi Manchurian and some noodles or rice - all vegetarian, though. Or, a good ol' South Indian Thali with rice, 2 chapatis, sambar, rasam or saaru as it is known in Karnataka, curd or mosaru, pickle or uppinakaayi, some salt, some sweet and you are done, all within a mere 40Rs at the most! The same goes for dinner. However, in the evening, some Darshinis serve Chaat, and stuff like Bondas with the amazing kaapi again. I love the fact that you get food anytime, and at such affordable rates!
I have eaten in these places all my life :) and will always associate Bangalore with them. During those theatre club days, when we went looking for food at odd times, and when we had just 10 Rs in our pockets, when mom was not there to cook, Darshinis have been there, stood the stead of time to flourish and serve everyone, irrespective of caste, class, religion, gender. Yes, gender. There is this tendency among women, or atleast was, not to go out alone and eat at any restaurant. Darshinis shattered that myth. Women just walk up, order what they want, and since it is self-service, wait there, pick up the order, stand at one of those tables, even share it with some random men, eat up their choice of order, and leave for home/work. I've done this several times myself and felt amazingly liberated, irrespective of the time and what and how much I ate :)
We need to popularize the concept of these Darshinis throughout the country. They are an amazing business model, provides employment to loads of people, and of course, good, clean, fairly healthy, and very affordable food, something that everyone needs :) Whaddya think?
There are more, many more like me....
....many, many, many more like me.
...Chadne ko khula Aasman...
...Aur badhne ko mera jahaan
...Bachpan ke din chaar
Na aayenge baar baar...
Jee lene do inko zindagi ( I changed it, yes.)
These are the lines I still remember and they just got registered when I was watching the movie, Taare Zameen Par. Yes, I succumbed, thanks to numerous SMSes, midnight conversations, phone calls and blog posts. So, here I am doing what most of the world did. Bunked office, watched the movie, and now am writing about it, while listening to the soundtrack. Now, this is history. For those who know me, know that I'm not much of a music buff. I do not come home and immediately look for music on my computer or something. Or, for that matter, watch almost every flick that comes into town. Now, isn't it obvious what am going to say? Oh, the subject was treated sensitively, the kid was cute, the music is pleasing on the ears, good effort by Aamir Khan, good debut.....ya, all that and a lot of those little things which made the movie special and true- to-life for me.
Be it the nose picking and 'flicking' it off his nails, Tisca's "Concentrate, beta, concentrate," "Isme kya faayda hai "(I can imagine what else they will say to an 'artistically' talented kid, when people said that to me, when I decided on doing an MA in English), the English teacher's accent, the horrible Maths paper (I stared at my Maths paper all the time, without dyslexia, and I certainly did not have the imagination to take off in space, either), the kid's grin when he says, 'Bindaas,' the father (OMG, so true :P, actually no.), the brother's love (Hmm...I could have done without my sis crying every time I did badly in Maths :)), the art work, the chuski painting (thanks Kraz), the chuski (I remember we had something like that during school outside the school compound) , the final painting that the kid wins the prize for, Aamir's painting in the end...the fact that when they showed him standing on the terrace in his boarding school, it almost seemed like he was a pillar on the railing, just a little different, his fear (instead of delight or surprise) when he won the prize, or, when he comes running to hug his dad who comes back, and the father-son camaraderie, or the anger when the other fat, junk-food eating kid accuses him of tearing his shirt, or that super flip book :), or the abandon with which he picks fleas off that dog's ears :). I liked it all. I can go on and on and on...
For someone who is always out for 'action items,' I totally loved the way Aamir 'teaches' him. The way he teaches Maths with the help of stairs, the slow progress with 8, the words
(reminded me of Helen Keller), the art contest (such a super cool idea, I say), the way he convinced the parents and the principal. No big 'I will change the world' promises, considering he is a Hindi movie A grade star. The fact that he makes it clear that all teachers need to spend time with the kid is true, and that it was shown like that, is laudable. I liked the music too. The 'Ma' song is sooooooo true :) It is so true, for a bold, confident, 'seen the world' person that I claim to be. That goes to my dad too, actually.
I totally loved the kid, and the fact that they showed his kiddish brilliance, and NOT in a super hero/brilliance way, or show that he suddenly shows interest in studies, or Art for that matter thanks to Aamir Khan, a hero's entry into the movie/his life, or did not show him 'retarded,' which is so different from dyslexia. Something that Hindi movies always make a mistake with. Ideally, they'd show 'such' a kid throwing tantrums, shaking his or her head (remember, Black? I loved that movie, though). This movie shows his childish anger. That expression when his mom tells him that his dad is not going to leave home but is actually going on a business trip is priceless. I so wanted a kid like him at that moment! Even his brother, I thought I did not want to be like him, and thanked God for making me less than perfect :), but hey, he turned out to be nice, much like my sisters who are proud of me today (hey, aren't you?)
However, I am not sure if kids in school are as rude and as heartless as the kids in Ishaan's day school. The kids in his boarding school seemed normal! It is true that children do make of fun of other kids, but not in a hurting way. We do not always call our friends, duffers! But well, it is a predictable movie, as one of my friends pointed out. I like predictable movies, they give some hope no?
Hey, I forgot! Thanks Amma and Appa, for not screaming at me or calling me an idiot when I scored 9 in Maths :) Or, when I cried and cried that I will fail in my Kannada test in Class 4, thanks for talking to me all night, Appa on the steps of Ideal Coffee Works. I dunno, if you know :), but that talk stands me in stead to date. I am so glad you guys did not hanker after my marks or, for that matter, think that I should be good at Art. I cannot draw a straight line with a scale even now! :P
Oh oh, I won a contest at RadioCity 91 FM. Ya, ya, whatte fun! And guess what the prize is! Yes, it is 2 tickets to PVR Cinema. Hmm...so now is it going to be TZP again? And now I know Indian media will totally wake up and have these 'We the People' kind of sessions with doctors who've dealt with Dyslexia, or kids who've had it (Believe me, Abhishek Bachchan and Aamir Khan are sure shot guests!), Or, they may even bring Hrithik Roshan, who I believe used to stammer as a kid and wasn't a confident boy at all. Now, now, isn't this super? So much money to make, so many ads, all the parents will watch it, all the kids will watch it, teachers too. So, ya, why not show them the movie? Haan?
Yes, I think all schools should arrange for an outing for the next Parents and Teachers Association Meet, and take them all for Taare Zameen Par.
P.S. On another note, Benazir Bhutto's death left me lost, wild and angry with the world I live in. If movies like this give me hope, incidents like the suicide bombing make me want to tear my hair and just scream. Back to ground reality, far far away from the fish, and the space journey, I guess :( Keep at it, there will be peace, for you and me, and we will be the ones to bring it back. Amen.
...Chadne ko khula Aasman...
...Aur badhne ko mera jahaan
...Bachpan ke din chaar
Na aayenge baar baar...
Jee lene do inko zindagi ( I changed it, yes.)
These are the lines I still remember and they just got registered when I was watching the movie, Taare Zameen Par. Yes, I succumbed, thanks to numerous SMSes, midnight conversations, phone calls and blog posts. So, here I am doing what most of the world did. Bunked office, watched the movie, and now am writing about it, while listening to the soundtrack. Now, this is history. For those who know me, know that I'm not much of a music buff. I do not come home and immediately look for music on my computer or something. Or, for that matter, watch almost every flick that comes into town. Now, isn't it obvious what am going to say? Oh, the subject was treated sensitively, the kid was cute, the music is pleasing on the ears, good effort by Aamir Khan, good debut.....ya, all that and a lot of those little things which made the movie special and true- to-life for me.
Be it the nose picking and 'flicking' it off his nails, Tisca's "Concentrate, beta, concentrate," "Isme kya faayda hai "(I can imagine what else they will say to an 'artistically' talented kid, when people said that to me, when I decided on doing an MA in English), the English teacher's accent, the horrible Maths paper (I stared at my Maths paper all the time, without dyslexia, and I certainly did not have the imagination to take off in space, either), the kid's grin when he says, 'Bindaas,' the father (OMG, so true :P, actually no.), the brother's love (Hmm...I could have done without my sis crying every time I did badly in Maths :)), the art work, the chuski painting (thanks Kraz), the chuski (I remember we had something like that during school outside the school compound) , the final painting that the kid wins the prize for, Aamir's painting in the end...the fact that when they showed him standing on the terrace in his boarding school, it almost seemed like he was a pillar on the railing, just a little different, his fear (instead of delight or surprise) when he won the prize, or, when he comes running to hug his dad who comes back, and the father-son camaraderie, or the anger when the other fat, junk-food eating kid accuses him of tearing his shirt, or that super flip book :), or the abandon with which he picks fleas off that dog's ears :). I liked it all. I can go on and on and on...
For someone who is always out for 'action items,' I totally loved the way Aamir 'teaches' him. The way he teaches Maths with the help of stairs, the slow progress with 8, the words
(reminded me of Helen Keller), the art contest (such a super cool idea, I say), the way he convinced the parents and the principal. No big 'I will change the world' promises, considering he is a Hindi movie A grade star. The fact that he makes it clear that all teachers need to spend time with the kid is true, and that it was shown like that, is laudable. I liked the music too. The 'Ma' song is sooooooo true :) It is so true, for a bold, confident, 'seen the world' person that I claim to be. That goes to my dad too, actually.
I totally loved the kid, and the fact that they showed his kiddish brilliance, and NOT in a super hero/brilliance way, or show that he suddenly shows interest in studies, or Art for that matter thanks to Aamir Khan, a hero's entry into the movie/his life, or did not show him 'retarded,' which is so different from dyslexia. Something that Hindi movies always make a mistake with. Ideally, they'd show 'such' a kid throwing tantrums, shaking his or her head (remember, Black? I loved that movie, though). This movie shows his childish anger. That expression when his mom tells him that his dad is not going to leave home but is actually going on a business trip is priceless. I so wanted a kid like him at that moment! Even his brother, I thought I did not want to be like him, and thanked God for making me less than perfect :), but hey, he turned out to be nice, much like my sisters who are proud of me today (hey, aren't you?)
However, I am not sure if kids in school are as rude and as heartless as the kids in Ishaan's day school. The kids in his boarding school seemed normal! It is true that children do make of fun of other kids, but not in a hurting way. We do not always call our friends, duffers! But well, it is a predictable movie, as one of my friends pointed out. I like predictable movies, they give some hope no?
Hey, I forgot! Thanks Amma and Appa, for not screaming at me or calling me an idiot when I scored 9 in Maths :) Or, when I cried and cried that I will fail in my Kannada test in Class 4, thanks for talking to me all night, Appa on the steps of Ideal Coffee Works. I dunno, if you know :), but that talk stands me in stead to date. I am so glad you guys did not hanker after my marks or, for that matter, think that I should be good at Art. I cannot draw a straight line with a scale even now! :P
Oh oh, I won a contest at RadioCity 91 FM. Ya, ya, whatte fun! And guess what the prize is! Yes, it is 2 tickets to PVR Cinema. Hmm...so now is it going to be TZP again? And now I know Indian media will totally wake up and have these 'We the People' kind of sessions with doctors who've dealt with Dyslexia, or kids who've had it (Believe me, Abhishek Bachchan and Aamir Khan are sure shot guests!), Or, they may even bring Hrithik Roshan, who I believe used to stammer as a kid and wasn't a confident boy at all. Now, now, isn't this super? So much money to make, so many ads, all the parents will watch it, all the kids will watch it, teachers too. So, ya, why not show them the movie? Haan?
Yes, I think all schools should arrange for an outing for the next Parents and Teachers Association Meet, and take them all for Taare Zameen Par.
P.S. On another note, Benazir Bhutto's death left me lost, wild and angry with the world I live in. If movies like this give me hope, incidents like the suicide bombing make me want to tear my hair and just scream. Back to ground reality, far far away from the fish, and the space journey, I guess :( Keep at it, there will be peace, for you and me, and we will be the ones to bring it back. Amen.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Hmm...
So, yes, its been ages since I wrote. I'm writing again, all fired-up this Christmas :) My last post was on January 21, 2007. This one comes a month ahead. Another year ends. 2007 has been an eventful year. I had a bad time at my job, did badly, marriage pressure got to me at one point, fought with my family everyday, for me, for my ego, for my independence. For everything. I had a good time too! I was in the US for the first 3 months for work, and totally enjoyed my time there, work and otherwise. Oh, the picture is from there, when I skydove from the picturesque Monterey Bay. Never before have I had such an experience, never after ( unless of course, I do it again :)) So, why am I blogging all of a sudden again?
Oh, I dunno what happened today. I woke up and saw myself and thought I was ugly. I was fat ( no, its okay AB, that is the truth) So, I decided that I will end this, and the battle of the bulge begins starting tomorrow. Yes, I know I've decided this umpteen number of times. Everytime, I come up with an elaborate plan to lose weight which includes dietary changes and loads of exercise. Oh ya, I believe in fictional planning :P Folks, this time it is for real, believe it or not! I am going to do lots of exercise, eat less of the junk food. So here's to more tea, less sugar, more boiled veggies, less samosas, more movement, less sedentary activity(!).
Oh, you ask what happened all of a sudden this Christmas. Hmm....I think my impending marriage is the cause. Oh, did I forget to mention that in the first paragraph, as the most significant reason for an eventful 2007? :P Yes, I am hitched. Finally (my mom's words, these). Am I happy? Oh yes, I think I'm relieved ;) and getting happier by the moment. But, yes, I am not going to say: I'm scared. Isn't that a given?
I remember when I was a kid, and used to get alarmed by cockroaches, and lizards and rats (Oh, we had loads of them!) and animals in general, my dad said to me once, that these animals were as scared of me as I was, of them. That lesson kinda hit the nail. This was a long long time ago, because I do not remember the last time I was scared of any animal (Okay, you get the picture, don't you?) I am looking at the marriage like that. So, both AB and I are getting married for the first time :P
- going to live with someone we'd like to believe we know very well, (thanks to those expensive phone calls, and the numerous chats) but don't
- going to change in front of the opposite sex for the first time (My theatre club experience has to be discounted here, please!)
- going to cook (sigh) FOR, not with someone for the first time
- going to clean after someone (I have to clean after myself ALL the time) for the first time
- going to have to love someone 'naturally' ( oh, oh, didn't I tell you this is an arranged do?)
- going to NOT fight for every single thing for the first time
- going to have to start comparing dad/mom for the first time (Hope he does not do it ;)) while al the while not wanting anyone like my dad :)
- going to think of baby-making for the first time (and maybe the second and the last time, hopefully)
- going to have to think of 'saving' for that 'apna ghar' or 'hamare baacha(e), hamari duniya' dream
- going to do everything WITH someone
- going to tell someone you are going out before reminding yourself not to go out banging that door
- going to think of a believable excuse to skip dinner and make the other person skip dinner too
- going to think of....
Yes, I need to start thinking of everything now. Ya, that was the point I was trying to make, really.
Hmm...it is also extremely sad that I have to leave Google. Its been great. Okay, in terms of work, but great in terms of friends and life. I've had the most fun at this company, my first job, my everything for the last two and a half years. I'm not sure I will ever stop loving Google, ever stop loving everything about it, ever stop being proud about it. Sigh. AB says I sigh a lot. Yes, I do. I like sighing, gives a lot of room for different emotions in one word, one expression. So, sigh.
I'm thinking of all the small things that defined my life in the last 4 years that I lived independently, without family, all images, some blurry, some vivid - alarm clock, just one bed, Maggi noodles, coffee, endless chai, the radio room, Asmita, Anu and Priya who came along with it, the LH bathrooms :), Ritu's phone conversations early in the morning, the rickety computer and Gaai's assignments, the agarbathis which burned and Gaai and Anu discovered that parallel lines do meet, Gaai on top of Anu massaging her, the near 'perfect' Deepti :), the number of Gods on Sowmya's desk, the 'Mallu girls' rooms :), Manj's ability to get up early morning, rain or shine, her Srilankan accent, Garima and Pooja's room light burning until Rajiv Krishnan's class at 8, Medini's antics with Garima and Gits' Hindi, Samata and Hathi and the grin that HAS to come along with it, her hair, her quest for a parlor to get her eyebrows done on the first day in CIEFL, Sohini being herself :), Anwesha's obession with cleanliness, the French girls, the strike, the 'do not dare dismiss us again,' the casteism, the mess, the steps outside the mess, Ayush's egg-eating ability, Sagar stores, my letters to Amma, Priya being called Priyaeeeee by Anu, Shefali with that grin :), the rains and the dance that accompanied it, the chai, Sattiah and Krishna in the mess, Bhaveen, Shahir in the mess, Souro with his camera, Saurabh with the bag and the bottle, Oren sitting on Elika's bed when I confessed that Saurabh's voice was 'good,' the 'very very clean and decorated' North East girls' room, Kilang's Hindi, the auto story - when an auto guy gave a Kilang a ride to the Ladies' Hostel without knowing the distance, the everyday Naga girls' auto fight, Kay and her scooty, Gaai's bath ritual, her braces, Deepti's cheap but amazing pyjamas, Vrinda's eloquent silences and that toothy grin once in a while, Deepti's hardwork, Yukti and Prasenjit, Priya and the fruits, the new Naga girls who took a bath every 2 hours, Monamma, Swaroopa amma, Rashmi and her dance practice, Sree's voice inviting us to her room, noise of her Scooty, Ruth and her ruthlessness on the cricket field, Holi, Ruth's recruitment drive in the LH for the Sports Day, Nirmala and her quiet defiance at the GB, oh, the GBs, the mess secretaryship, Nijil, the Men's hostel and lithe men playing volleyball :), the lungis, the different types of pyjamas, Saurabh Mishra and the first chair, Sushant, Mudit for his hair, for being my husband :), for singing 'Nandu re nandu,' the proverbial new building, the mangoes Shahir stole, Geeta ma'am's house, the MH warden :), the Hostel Office, the dogs, Sundari, the Xerox Shop, the woman at the bank, the numerous walks in the night, ITP women and their 'short' shorts, Immanuel in his shorts at the football tournament, Hany Babu :), or, was it Madhavan?, Priyankoo, Ashtu and Jobin at the WUGS meet, Amrit's interesting but terrifying class, her walk from her home to her office, Dominic Savio and his class, troubling Souro and Saurabh in some classes, the alu bhindi at the mess, Liji, Angshu and her cricketing skills, Sajida's impressive gait, James and Partha, chocolate milk at Sagar's, buttermilk rediscovered at Sagar's, the quiet library where I always fell, that short librarian who always helped me up, but only after the books :), the hardworking Ananya, Aniela and Supriti, like elves during Christmas, Triansha, the brilliant, beautiful actress, Premankur, the plays, Ameya :) and her junk jewellery and the fact that she could carry off anything and get away with anything, the 12 AM surprise birthdays, being an upper class, Tam Bram bitch, One Fine Day in the LH TV lounge, shared stories, the phone ringing in the LH, the TT tables at the MH, the rush for food on the last day of the month at the Mess, the 'walrus' in the Dean's office, the Dean(s), Deepa's special mango pickle made by her grandmom, Wendy's mother's tomato pickle, the beautiful and mysterious looking Achen, Manisha Kaw, Bindu and her baby, Prajna and her life-saving Upma, MindSpeed on campus, LCS assignments, Satish Poduval, Madhava Prasad, Vijay Sai and his antics, Ritu, Lalita and Divya, the French students, the fight for the rooms, the Iftaar, the Durga Puja trip around the city with the Bongs, Onam on campus, Gaai on the guitar with the rest of us trying to sing, "all my bags are packed..., " or the java song :), Deepa and her Mallu song, no power = Sitaphalbandi performance on the corridors, Pal, yaaron, the farewell, Sandesh and the Blue Cross, eating fruits in Sree's room with the gang, the gang at Bhaveen's house, Brotin and his effusive praises combined with generosity, Garima and Medini's shopping conquests and Gits' patient participation in their adventures, the Nampally fair, Shilparamam trips, the MMTS, Shanshai, Narula's, Sanman, Pick N Move, weekend trips to Mala Periamma's house for Vettai Kuzhambu, Nanking, Gautama, borrowed Mills and Boon read aloud with appropriate expression :), the cane chairs outside the rooms, packing to go home, coming back with Gulab Jamoons, new clothes, the Film Club, the Football Club, midnight chai and bread omelette, Pranesh's room, flirting with Pranesh and Pradeep, constant cigarette smoke hovering around us, my farewell at the railway station....
.....first day in the cab with Rohit and Avneet, the guest house, Breakfast in Yukti's house, Priya getting stuck in the bathroom on the first day, being ready at 6.45 thanks to Mom's phone call with a warning about raahu kaalam, meeting Charmaine, Amit, Nishant, Arjun at the guest house. Trying not to laugh at Thomas, thinking quickly of a car I'd want to be (I had NO idea), work, free internet, food, phone, breaks, the idea of financial independence, PAN card, Access card, free porn, people, Charmaine's pink desk, Arjun tapping his keyboard to death, calm and confident Vichitra, Aswathi's cherubic cheerfulness, the CIEFL gang, anticipating Eli's arrival and boasting about her singing abilities, the breakout area, Amitabh with the guitar, the TAs, Sunny running to answer questions, seeing Sachin bend over to answer a question, Vinay's staccato response, Divya looking all TA-ish, Jogi being Jogi, Chris :) , TGIF, my stupid non-known fact, Nicolette wishing me a happy bday on June 20, Heather and the 1:1, crushes, waiting for Gaai and boasting about how much better she was, compared to Amitabh on the guitar, making sure everyone has heard the 'all my bags are packed' song making sure everyone knows CIEFL, making sure everyone knows all the CIEFLites who joined Google, Gaai's arrival, Swayambhu, Nikhil Menon's taunts every time I passed the breakout area, Antara's face when she saw Nikhil who was her buddy, Antara's face after she met Nikhil, Sujasha and Bhavani, Soumyajit, Nishant going to comb his hair every 10 minutes, the cab conversations, the cab drivers, Disha in the cab, the family offsite, the team dinner at Koyla and the amazing blue-berry cheese cake, the excitement of having a buddy, excitement ebbing away as I waited in hunger for Ark to finish his smoke, excitement totally gone to find Ark, not as excited as me. Teaching him some stuff, learning more stuff from him, Ashanka, Supriya, Andy and his cocksure attitude, waiting for Sumodh and shocked to see him all grown up, very different from the Deepa's 'my kid bro' pic in CIEFL, embarassed to have forgotten (not bothering to find out) Ark's bday when Roy seemed to have remembered it, saying no to being Gaai's roomie, having Gaai over for a day or so, shifting in with Eli, the new house, the walk to Lifestyle, the weekly shopping, budgeting, early cabs, Direct ads, forming Team Jazz, Neel Mehta, 20 of us, Rahila and Andy fighting, ArK, Suhel and Sumodh eating :), Manju, Rohini, Leena, Nishu, Megha, Kavita, Preeti and her farewell emails, the offsite at Pragati, the work, the fun ,the pizza, more Jazz and more and more of everyone nad everything, meeting Vaishali for the first time at the coffee machine, sitting next to her and becoming best friends with her, Tanushree and Protima, planning stuff with Sheetal, new building, new people, Neel Mehta, Arjun continuing to work harder than ever before, Nishu's TA shifts, my TA shifts, Shiraz, more Jazz offsites, the momentous last Jazz offsite for ArK, Andy, Sumodh, Manju, Kavita and others who moved on, crying uncontrollably that night, conversations with Kavita, Rahila and Andy fighting, her air slaps, the ghost pic :), Team Jazz, English classes with Nitin, fun, training with Kalpana again, Chikungunya, emails, rediscovering Vichitra and Vaishali, Nishu, more people leaving Jazz, ArK talking about Delhi, Nishu's Ambassadorship, Arjun's Ambassadorship, learning about Disha and Sid, Charm :), Gaai's leaving, Manju's leaving, my Ambassadorship, loss of passport, ArK's status message, Nishu's note, the poster my team made, the yells when my name was announced, the standing ovation Jazz gave, Neel's hug, Vaish and Vichi's screams, the call to my mom, writing to CIEFLites about it, fighting for passport, the passport office, the struggle, the triumph, Rajiv Rana, the hiring trips - notably to Shillong and Amritsar, the extra day with Sid and Disha, watching Rajiv dance for a minute for 'the dancing queen,' the gossip session in Amritsar, the Golden Temple, the Wagah border, the patriotism that came along with it, the food :), Parul, Shwe :), imitating Shwe, Veera and that cab ride, her practical no-nonsense advice, Supriya, Darshini, Kiran during the play and at the GSOC, Anupam :), the Sunday coffee and gossip sessions with Charm and Shwe and the grinning James, the deli 9 conversations with Maha, lunches with Vaish and Vichi ( who deserve a different, long post altogether), thinking Ruksha had a kid, ranting about GGN, Neel leaving, Neel leaving again, the US trip, Rohit, Tinwin, Pete, Betsy, Sherry, Amit, Sandhya, the pink and green Elizabeth :), Will, Sarah, Rita, Danny, the dogs, Charlies', the Mexican food at Charlies, the Ski Trip, the Saravana Bhavan, the chaat we ate, the skydiving, the LA trip with Swati and Uma, Ariel, the East Coast trip, staying with Deepti, Eithiopian food with Ameya, my birthday in the US, staying with Sujju, and her amazing kids: Vaibhav and Divya, the Yosemite, Monterey trips with Mrin, Shaheen, Rubin, Disha, Prem, Ashok, Megha, Indy, Vaish...Prem and me wading into the water at Yosemite, the cabin tents, the bear stories, the cold, the stories, the drive to the concert for Disha, kayaking, the constant drive to figure out skydiving, watching that super fit woman at the skydiving center, the amazing sales conference, seeing Rajiv at the US office, receiving all the India visitors, seeing ArK, Suhel and Sumodh after a long time, the Hilton, my room mate, Claire Hatton, the cabs, the cab driver and his number -650 930 0001, the alcohol, the dal chaawal at the Indian diner opposite Hilton, watching ArK make coffee, watching Disha run to get water for ArK while he chomped on Chicken Biryani, the barefoot walking, bringing ice from the hotel corridor ice boxes :), discussing life with Disha, ArK and Anu, talking to Rajiv about Jazz, coming back, customs, cameras, Jazz again, cab rides with Jeena, Nisha and her enthusiasm, Varun, Khalid becoming a trainer, Sasi and his takes on life, Kalyan and his jokes, Maya and the Shania Twain song, Google Beat, Suhel and his antics, lazy weekends, the Jazz team meetings, Anomita and Hepsiba, Rajesh, Srinidhi and his laziness, Raina, Protima and Radhika, Deep's questions, Lalita, Nishi and Sabina, Nousheen's walk, ArK getting into the Quality Team, conversations with Seva, the Google Grants VCs, looking up to Ben, literally :), the hug coupon at Adu's desk, Adu, Tiq and Adu together, Gaai's joy when she found the Google logo with frogs at her new desk in the new building, the whole packing and moving out of RMZ, the interviews of young campus students, pride of being a Googler in campuses, the pride of a noogler being your campus hire, buddying nooglers, Lakshmi Ashok, the intern, Manasa Harikar, who brought back the enthusiasm of buddying all over again, Shaheen and my conversations with her, writing emails to Team Jazz, the around the table crib session with Dinesh, the red shoes, those Jazz status messages :), Nikita, Leena and I in that Jazz corner, Shivangi, the Ambassador seat :P, those email challenges, the chat experience, a thank you email, the VC for Neel's going away, Nishu, Nishu's calls and hugs, the innumerable conversations with Shwe over coffee at the cafe, Parul and her practicality, hugging Parul and breaking down once, ArK's hugs, Jessie :), Shiksha and the Bangalore hiring trip, Geeta and the Cuttack hiring trip, Rupa and Deeksha at GOAL, Nishu at GOAL, midnight conversations on the phone, Sheetal and her clinical hatred for junk food, the rock the tier sessions, Ruksha's walk, Uma's hair flying while she walks, cab rides with Kalpana, Sada and Govind, the GoDecon, Shriya and her earnestness, Udaya and her hair, every single Jazz dinner and offsite, the Jazz jackets :), Parvathi Menon and the Phenomenon Woman, Guru and 'howchuchu', Nitin and everything that comes along with him, new people, talking, listening, crying, laughing, Quality reviews, Rajiv leaving, Vinay taking over, Nikita coming back, Rajiv's call when he heard about my engagement, Rajiv's note about me not telling him, ISOC - dancing with all Jazzers last time, and this time with the gang, that all of us grinning picture, the volunteering, the 12 from Srinivasa Towers, the campus recruits in Jazz, the Tamil gang, Jazz again, the trips to GGN, the conversations, CTC, Chikki's house, his cute roomies, ArK's room, his photo wall, MJ, a drunk ArK and Nikhil being sentimental, moving out of Jazz to Raaga and the teething troubles, the 'stuffed' Dhola Ri Dhani offsite, some people being the same, chatting with Gaai, telling Deepti everything, Oren driving Nat and me around, moving to Sapphire, Kilang, shopping sprees, Elika, Anand at Sapphire, the parties at Sapphire, my messy room, the Sundays and Saturdays, moving out of Sapphire, moving to Priya, the cleaning, Maha, Wati's nagging :), Asela's constant chatter, the TV, the cooking, the cleaning, the stolen free internet, Kvulo's laughter, the beautiful Ase and Hewasa, the wine, staying with Vichi in her house, moving to Anand's house, Gapa, Wati fighting with Anand, the money coming and going, the lift, Bamini Pati's food, writing this which brings tears to my eyes...
I could go on, I guess. Life has changed a lot, and is still changing, as I write this meanderingly long post.
Over the 4 independently lived years, I have become more patient, more romantic, learned to give more, sigh more, love and live more :), become more fierce about my values and priniciples, become stronger, become more emotional, cry more openly, laugh without a care, live for the moment, be more responsible, fight more, for myself and for others, appreciate the idea of family more, think beyond family more, its all been on 'more' side.
I'm heading out in a month, back to family, back to putting on a bindi everyday, back to keeping that dupatta in the right place, back to small time fights, back to more love, back to more responsibility, back in many ways to more independence, back to my dad who has given me so much strength, all silently, to my mom, who has given me so much love and strength, not so silently :) , back to my sisters, who taught me how to share (I know this is slightly sentimental, but believe me, it all started with chocolates, now it has grown on to sharing space with somoene I have known for 2 and a half months), back to home :) I have problems with and at home, but in many ways, it is still home, and I know I'm going to miss those small things, be it opening the gate, or bringing the flowers from the outside gate and keep it in the fridge or watching my granny point out to all those lights burning in her bid to save some energy, and her son's money :) and am going back now for all those small things. I know am going to start fighting all over again in a week's time, start looking at modes of escape all over again...into the future that promises love, some more fights, some more responsibilities and more.
But this time, I do not have anywhere to run but have to get married and go away. I wait patiently for what I need to do. Later, I will do what I want to do. Do I need to say more? :)
Oh, I dunno what happened today. I woke up and saw myself and thought I was ugly. I was fat ( no, its okay AB, that is the truth) So, I decided that I will end this, and the battle of the bulge begins starting tomorrow. Yes, I know I've decided this umpteen number of times. Everytime, I come up with an elaborate plan to lose weight which includes dietary changes and loads of exercise. Oh ya, I believe in fictional planning :P Folks, this time it is for real, believe it or not! I am going to do lots of exercise, eat less of the junk food. So here's to more tea, less sugar, more boiled veggies, less samosas, more movement, less sedentary activity(!).
Oh, you ask what happened all of a sudden this Christmas. Hmm....I think my impending marriage is the cause. Oh, did I forget to mention that in the first paragraph, as the most significant reason for an eventful 2007? :P Yes, I am hitched. Finally (my mom's words, these). Am I happy? Oh yes, I think I'm relieved ;) and getting happier by the moment. But, yes, I am not going to say: I'm scared. Isn't that a given?
I remember when I was a kid, and used to get alarmed by cockroaches, and lizards and rats (Oh, we had loads of them!) and animals in general, my dad said to me once, that these animals were as scared of me as I was, of them. That lesson kinda hit the nail. This was a long long time ago, because I do not remember the last time I was scared of any animal (Okay, you get the picture, don't you?) I am looking at the marriage like that. So, both AB and I are getting married for the first time :P
- going to live with someone we'd like to believe we know very well, (thanks to those expensive phone calls, and the numerous chats) but don't
- going to change in front of the opposite sex for the first time (My theatre club experience has to be discounted here, please!)
- going to cook (sigh) FOR, not with someone for the first time
- going to clean after someone (I have to clean after myself ALL the time) for the first time
- going to have to love someone 'naturally' ( oh, oh, didn't I tell you this is an arranged do?)
- going to NOT fight for every single thing for the first time
- going to have to start comparing dad/mom for the first time (Hope he does not do it ;)) while al the while not wanting anyone like my dad :)
- going to think of baby-making for the first time (and maybe the second and the last time, hopefully)
- going to have to think of 'saving' for that 'apna ghar' or 'hamare baacha(e), hamari duniya' dream
- going to do everything WITH someone
- going to tell someone you are going out before reminding yourself not to go out banging that door
- going to think of a believable excuse to skip dinner and make the other person skip dinner too
- going to think of....
Yes, I need to start thinking of everything now. Ya, that was the point I was trying to make, really.
Hmm...it is also extremely sad that I have to leave Google. Its been great. Okay, in terms of work, but great in terms of friends and life. I've had the most fun at this company, my first job, my everything for the last two and a half years. I'm not sure I will ever stop loving Google, ever stop loving everything about it, ever stop being proud about it. Sigh. AB says I sigh a lot. Yes, I do. I like sighing, gives a lot of room for different emotions in one word, one expression. So, sigh.
I'm thinking of all the small things that defined my life in the last 4 years that I lived independently, without family, all images, some blurry, some vivid - alarm clock, just one bed, Maggi noodles, coffee, endless chai, the radio room, Asmita, Anu and Priya who came along with it, the LH bathrooms :), Ritu's phone conversations early in the morning, the rickety computer and Gaai's assignments, the agarbathis which burned and Gaai and Anu discovered that parallel lines do meet, Gaai on top of Anu massaging her, the near 'perfect' Deepti :), the number of Gods on Sowmya's desk, the 'Mallu girls' rooms :), Manj's ability to get up early morning, rain or shine, her Srilankan accent, Garima and Pooja's room light burning until Rajiv Krishnan's class at 8, Medini's antics with Garima and Gits' Hindi, Samata and Hathi and the grin that HAS to come along with it, her hair, her quest for a parlor to get her eyebrows done on the first day in CIEFL, Sohini being herself :), Anwesha's obession with cleanliness, the French girls, the strike, the 'do not dare dismiss us again,' the casteism, the mess, the steps outside the mess, Ayush's egg-eating ability, Sagar stores, my letters to Amma, Priya being called Priyaeeeee by Anu, Shefali with that grin :), the rains and the dance that accompanied it, the chai, Sattiah and Krishna in the mess, Bhaveen, Shahir in the mess, Souro with his camera, Saurabh with the bag and the bottle, Oren sitting on Elika's bed when I confessed that Saurabh's voice was 'good,' the 'very very clean and decorated' North East girls' room, Kilang's Hindi, the auto story - when an auto guy gave a Kilang a ride to the Ladies' Hostel without knowing the distance, the everyday Naga girls' auto fight, Kay and her scooty, Gaai's bath ritual, her braces, Deepti's cheap but amazing pyjamas, Vrinda's eloquent silences and that toothy grin once in a while, Deepti's hardwork, Yukti and Prasenjit, Priya and the fruits, the new Naga girls who took a bath every 2 hours, Monamma, Swaroopa amma, Rashmi and her dance practice, Sree's voice inviting us to her room, noise of her Scooty, Ruth and her ruthlessness on the cricket field, Holi, Ruth's recruitment drive in the LH for the Sports Day, Nirmala and her quiet defiance at the GB, oh, the GBs, the mess secretaryship, Nijil, the Men's hostel and lithe men playing volleyball :), the lungis, the different types of pyjamas, Saurabh Mishra and the first chair, Sushant, Mudit for his hair, for being my husband :), for singing 'Nandu re nandu,' the proverbial new building, the mangoes Shahir stole, Geeta ma'am's house, the MH warden :), the Hostel Office, the dogs, Sundari, the Xerox Shop, the woman at the bank, the numerous walks in the night, ITP women and their 'short' shorts, Immanuel in his shorts at the football tournament, Hany Babu :), or, was it Madhavan?, Priyankoo, Ashtu and Jobin at the WUGS meet, Amrit's interesting but terrifying class, her walk from her home to her office, Dominic Savio and his class, troubling Souro and Saurabh in some classes, the alu bhindi at the mess, Liji, Angshu and her cricketing skills, Sajida's impressive gait, James and Partha, chocolate milk at Sagar's, buttermilk rediscovered at Sagar's, the quiet library where I always fell, that short librarian who always helped me up, but only after the books :), the hardworking Ananya, Aniela and Supriti, like elves during Christmas, Triansha, the brilliant, beautiful actress, Premankur, the plays, Ameya :) and her junk jewellery and the fact that she could carry off anything and get away with anything, the 12 AM surprise birthdays, being an upper class, Tam Bram bitch, One Fine Day in the LH TV lounge, shared stories, the phone ringing in the LH, the TT tables at the MH, the rush for food on the last day of the month at the Mess, the 'walrus' in the Dean's office, the Dean(s), Deepa's special mango pickle made by her grandmom, Wendy's mother's tomato pickle, the beautiful and mysterious looking Achen, Manisha Kaw, Bindu and her baby, Prajna and her life-saving Upma, MindSpeed on campus, LCS assignments, Satish Poduval, Madhava Prasad, Vijay Sai and his antics, Ritu, Lalita and Divya, the French students, the fight for the rooms, the Iftaar, the Durga Puja trip around the city with the Bongs, Onam on campus, Gaai on the guitar with the rest of us trying to sing, "all my bags are packed..., " or the java song :), Deepa and her Mallu song, no power = Sitaphalbandi performance on the corridors, Pal, yaaron, the farewell, Sandesh and the Blue Cross, eating fruits in Sree's room with the gang, the gang at Bhaveen's house, Brotin and his effusive praises combined with generosity, Garima and Medini's shopping conquests and Gits' patient participation in their adventures, the Nampally fair, Shilparamam trips, the MMTS, Shanshai, Narula's, Sanman, Pick N Move, weekend trips to Mala Periamma's house for Vettai Kuzhambu, Nanking, Gautama, borrowed Mills and Boon read aloud with appropriate expression :), the cane chairs outside the rooms, packing to go home, coming back with Gulab Jamoons, new clothes, the Film Club, the Football Club, midnight chai and bread omelette, Pranesh's room, flirting with Pranesh and Pradeep, constant cigarette smoke hovering around us, my farewell at the railway station....
.....first day in the cab with Rohit and Avneet, the guest house, Breakfast in Yukti's house, Priya getting stuck in the bathroom on the first day, being ready at 6.45 thanks to Mom's phone call with a warning about raahu kaalam, meeting Charmaine, Amit, Nishant, Arjun at the guest house. Trying not to laugh at Thomas, thinking quickly of a car I'd want to be (I had NO idea), work, free internet, food, phone, breaks, the idea of financial independence, PAN card, Access card, free porn, people, Charmaine's pink desk, Arjun tapping his keyboard to death, calm and confident Vichitra, Aswathi's cherubic cheerfulness, the CIEFL gang, anticipating Eli's arrival and boasting about her singing abilities, the breakout area, Amitabh with the guitar, the TAs, Sunny running to answer questions, seeing Sachin bend over to answer a question, Vinay's staccato response, Divya looking all TA-ish, Jogi being Jogi, Chris :) , TGIF, my stupid non-known fact, Nicolette wishing me a happy bday on June 20, Heather and the 1:1, crushes, waiting for Gaai and boasting about how much better she was, compared to Amitabh on the guitar, making sure everyone has heard the 'all my bags are packed' song making sure everyone knows CIEFL, making sure everyone knows all the CIEFLites who joined Google, Gaai's arrival, Swayambhu, Nikhil Menon's taunts every time I passed the breakout area, Antara's face when she saw Nikhil who was her buddy, Antara's face after she met Nikhil, Sujasha and Bhavani, Soumyajit, Nishant going to comb his hair every 10 minutes, the cab conversations, the cab drivers, Disha in the cab, the family offsite, the team dinner at Koyla and the amazing blue-berry cheese cake, the excitement of having a buddy, excitement ebbing away as I waited in hunger for Ark to finish his smoke, excitement totally gone to find Ark, not as excited as me. Teaching him some stuff, learning more stuff from him, Ashanka, Supriya, Andy and his cocksure attitude, waiting for Sumodh and shocked to see him all grown up, very different from the Deepa's 'my kid bro' pic in CIEFL, embarassed to have forgotten (not bothering to find out) Ark's bday when Roy seemed to have remembered it, saying no to being Gaai's roomie, having Gaai over for a day or so, shifting in with Eli, the new house, the walk to Lifestyle, the weekly shopping, budgeting, early cabs, Direct ads, forming Team Jazz, Neel Mehta, 20 of us, Rahila and Andy fighting, ArK, Suhel and Sumodh eating :), Manju, Rohini, Leena, Nishu, Megha, Kavita, Preeti and her farewell emails, the offsite at Pragati, the work, the fun ,the pizza, more Jazz and more and more of everyone nad everything, meeting Vaishali for the first time at the coffee machine, sitting next to her and becoming best friends with her, Tanushree and Protima, planning stuff with Sheetal, new building, new people, Neel Mehta, Arjun continuing to work harder than ever before, Nishu's TA shifts, my TA shifts, Shiraz, more Jazz offsites, the momentous last Jazz offsite for ArK, Andy, Sumodh, Manju, Kavita and others who moved on, crying uncontrollably that night, conversations with Kavita, Rahila and Andy fighting, her air slaps, the ghost pic :), Team Jazz, English classes with Nitin, fun, training with Kalpana again, Chikungunya, emails, rediscovering Vichitra and Vaishali, Nishu, more people leaving Jazz, ArK talking about Delhi, Nishu's Ambassadorship, Arjun's Ambassadorship, learning about Disha and Sid, Charm :), Gaai's leaving, Manju's leaving, my Ambassadorship, loss of passport, ArK's status message, Nishu's note, the poster my team made, the yells when my name was announced, the standing ovation Jazz gave, Neel's hug, Vaish and Vichi's screams, the call to my mom, writing to CIEFLites about it, fighting for passport, the passport office, the struggle, the triumph, Rajiv Rana, the hiring trips - notably to Shillong and Amritsar, the extra day with Sid and Disha, watching Rajiv dance for a minute for 'the dancing queen,' the gossip session in Amritsar, the Golden Temple, the Wagah border, the patriotism that came along with it, the food :), Parul, Shwe :), imitating Shwe, Veera and that cab ride, her practical no-nonsense advice, Supriya, Darshini, Kiran during the play and at the GSOC, Anupam :), the Sunday coffee and gossip sessions with Charm and Shwe and the grinning James, the deli 9 conversations with Maha, lunches with Vaish and Vichi ( who deserve a different, long post altogether), thinking Ruksha had a kid, ranting about GGN, Neel leaving, Neel leaving again, the US trip, Rohit, Tinwin, Pete, Betsy, Sherry, Amit, Sandhya, the pink and green Elizabeth :), Will, Sarah, Rita, Danny, the dogs, Charlies', the Mexican food at Charlies, the Ski Trip, the Saravana Bhavan, the chaat we ate, the skydiving, the LA trip with Swati and Uma, Ariel, the East Coast trip, staying with Deepti, Eithiopian food with Ameya, my birthday in the US, staying with Sujju, and her amazing kids: Vaibhav and Divya, the Yosemite, Monterey trips with Mrin, Shaheen, Rubin, Disha, Prem, Ashok, Megha, Indy, Vaish...Prem and me wading into the water at Yosemite, the cabin tents, the bear stories, the cold, the stories, the drive to the concert for Disha, kayaking, the constant drive to figure out skydiving, watching that super fit woman at the skydiving center, the amazing sales conference, seeing Rajiv at the US office, receiving all the India visitors, seeing ArK, Suhel and Sumodh after a long time, the Hilton, my room mate, Claire Hatton, the cabs, the cab driver and his number -650 930 0001, the alcohol, the dal chaawal at the Indian diner opposite Hilton, watching ArK make coffee, watching Disha run to get water for ArK while he chomped on Chicken Biryani, the barefoot walking, bringing ice from the hotel corridor ice boxes :), discussing life with Disha, ArK and Anu, talking to Rajiv about Jazz, coming back, customs, cameras, Jazz again, cab rides with Jeena, Nisha and her enthusiasm, Varun, Khalid becoming a trainer, Sasi and his takes on life, Kalyan and his jokes, Maya and the Shania Twain song, Google Beat, Suhel and his antics, lazy weekends, the Jazz team meetings, Anomita and Hepsiba, Rajesh, Srinidhi and his laziness, Raina, Protima and Radhika, Deep's questions, Lalita, Nishi and Sabina, Nousheen's walk, ArK getting into the Quality Team, conversations with Seva, the Google Grants VCs, looking up to Ben, literally :), the hug coupon at Adu's desk, Adu, Tiq and Adu together, Gaai's joy when she found the Google logo with frogs at her new desk in the new building, the whole packing and moving out of RMZ, the interviews of young campus students, pride of being a Googler in campuses, the pride of a noogler being your campus hire, buddying nooglers, Lakshmi Ashok, the intern, Manasa Harikar, who brought back the enthusiasm of buddying all over again, Shaheen and my conversations with her, writing emails to Team Jazz, the around the table crib session with Dinesh, the red shoes, those Jazz status messages :), Nikita, Leena and I in that Jazz corner, Shivangi, the Ambassador seat :P, those email challenges, the chat experience, a thank you email, the VC for Neel's going away, Nishu, Nishu's calls and hugs, the innumerable conversations with Shwe over coffee at the cafe, Parul and her practicality, hugging Parul and breaking down once, ArK's hugs, Jessie :), Shiksha and the Bangalore hiring trip, Geeta and the Cuttack hiring trip, Rupa and Deeksha at GOAL, Nishu at GOAL, midnight conversations on the phone, Sheetal and her clinical hatred for junk food, the rock the tier sessions, Ruksha's walk, Uma's hair flying while she walks, cab rides with Kalpana, Sada and Govind, the GoDecon, Shriya and her earnestness, Udaya and her hair, every single Jazz dinner and offsite, the Jazz jackets :), Parvathi Menon and the Phenomenon Woman, Guru and 'howchuchu', Nitin and everything that comes along with him, new people, talking, listening, crying, laughing, Quality reviews, Rajiv leaving, Vinay taking over, Nikita coming back, Rajiv's call when he heard about my engagement, Rajiv's note about me not telling him, ISOC - dancing with all Jazzers last time, and this time with the gang, that all of us grinning picture, the volunteering, the 12 from Srinivasa Towers, the campus recruits in Jazz, the Tamil gang, Jazz again, the trips to GGN, the conversations, CTC, Chikki's house, his cute roomies, ArK's room, his photo wall, MJ, a drunk ArK and Nikhil being sentimental, moving out of Jazz to Raaga and the teething troubles, the 'stuffed' Dhola Ri Dhani offsite, some people being the same, chatting with Gaai, telling Deepti everything, Oren driving Nat and me around, moving to Sapphire, Kilang, shopping sprees, Elika, Anand at Sapphire, the parties at Sapphire, my messy room, the Sundays and Saturdays, moving out of Sapphire, moving to Priya, the cleaning, Maha, Wati's nagging :), Asela's constant chatter, the TV, the cooking, the cleaning, the stolen free internet, Kvulo's laughter, the beautiful Ase and Hewasa, the wine, staying with Vichi in her house, moving to Anand's house, Gapa, Wati fighting with Anand, the money coming and going, the lift, Bamini Pati's food, writing this which brings tears to my eyes...
I could go on, I guess. Life has changed a lot, and is still changing, as I write this meanderingly long post.
Over the 4 independently lived years, I have become more patient, more romantic, learned to give more, sigh more, love and live more :), become more fierce about my values and priniciples, become stronger, become more emotional, cry more openly, laugh without a care, live for the moment, be more responsible, fight more, for myself and for others, appreciate the idea of family more, think beyond family more, its all been on 'more' side.
I'm heading out in a month, back to family, back to putting on a bindi everyday, back to keeping that dupatta in the right place, back to small time fights, back to more love, back to more responsibility, back in many ways to more independence, back to my dad who has given me so much strength, all silently, to my mom, who has given me so much love and strength, not so silently :) , back to my sisters, who taught me how to share (I know this is slightly sentimental, but believe me, it all started with chocolates, now it has grown on to sharing space with somoene I have known for 2 and a half months), back to home :) I have problems with and at home, but in many ways, it is still home, and I know I'm going to miss those small things, be it opening the gate, or bringing the flowers from the outside gate and keep it in the fridge or watching my granny point out to all those lights burning in her bid to save some energy, and her son's money :) and am going back now for all those small things. I know am going to start fighting all over again in a week's time, start looking at modes of escape all over again...into the future that promises love, some more fights, some more responsibilities and more.
But this time, I do not have anywhere to run but have to get married and go away. I wait patiently for what I need to do. Later, I will do what I want to do. Do I need to say more? :)
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